tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25454932957265665372011-11-27T19:33:41.654-05:00The Laminated List Fantasy Draft applies the structure of fantasy sports to the "celebrity list" concept popularized by the TV show "Friends." All you need are six (or more) friends, six (or more) beers and six fantasies you KNOW you have no chance of living out. You still suck. They do not. That's why they are on your list. The blog and site aim to serve as your one-stop resource for everything, but won't change anything. Keep the dream alive.The Brooklyn Boyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12948928776452062001noreply@blogger.comBlogger223125http://creativecommons.org/images/public/somerights20.gifllfdhttp://feedburner.google.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2545493295726566537.post-48478809057808404082008-02-12T07:08:00.000-05:002008-02-12T07:36:36.094-05:002008-02-12T07:36:36.094-05:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp3.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/R7GN9-FRbNI/AAAAAAAAA6w/QmysixKgNks/s1600-h/olivia-munn-picture-1.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/R7GN9-FRbNI/AAAAAAAAA6w/QmysixKgNks/s400/olivia-munn-picture-1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5166066343347317970" border="0" /></a><br />If Jesus Christ lived in the here and now, he’d probably be able to pick up any chick he wanted, or so you would think. I happened to come across this <a href="http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=27193">video</a> in which the Son of God tries to do what so many of us attempt to do, walk on water and cross the ocean of friendship in order to hookup with his hot roommate. Though it seems that not even turning water into wine is enough to get the attention of the shirtless Mary Magdalene, you can’t help but wonder about the kind of woman that would turn down a guy whose dad is loaded. Either that, or wonder about who’s the babe wearing the leopard print bra. Most likely it’s the latter, so to help you out, I present to you the lovely <a href="http://www.askmen.com/women/models_300/395_olivia_munn.html">Olivia Munn</a>.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp3.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/R7GQh-FRbPI/AAAAAAAAA7A/_TV5qflU33I/s1600-h/oliviamunn02.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/R7GQh-FRbPI/AAAAAAAAA7A/_TV5qflU33I/s400/oliviamunn02.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5166069160845864178" border="0" /></a>Munn has carved out a nice little niche for herself amongst video gamers and sci-fi enthusiasts when she landed a job hosting <a href="http://www.g4tv.com/">G4 TV</a>’s snarkfest <a href="http://imdb.com/title/tt0498878/">Attack of the Show</a> in 2006. She’s done some acting work in a few B movies such as <a href="http://imdb.com/title/tt0385218/">Scarecrow Gone Wild</a> (2004) and <a href="http://imdb.com/title/tt0446025/">The Road to Canyon Lake</a> (2005). Munn has since become one of the most in-demand figures in G4’s history (hot girl on gaming network, no wonder). In addition to her various G4 duties -- including a daily podcast called <a href="http://www.g4tv.com/aroundthenet/index.html">Around the Net</a> -- Munn continues to pursue acting roles in her off-hours, including a recurring role on <a href="http://www.the-n.com/">The-N</a>’s sun-n-surf teen soap <a href="http://www.the-n.com/ntv/shows/index.php?id=552">Beyond the Break</a> (<span style="font-style: italic;">Best. Guilty. Pleasure. <a href="http://laminatedlist.blogspot.com/2007/05/visionary-thinking-beyond-break.html">EVER</a>.--ed.</span>) and a role opposite Rob Schneider in <a href="http://imdb.com/title/tt0490086/">Big Stan</a> (2007).<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp3.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/R7GQc-FRbOI/AAAAAAAAA64/Tx-eqsYhy_c/s1600-h/olivia-munn-bikini-complex-02.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/R7GQc-FRbOI/AAAAAAAAA64/Tx-eqsYhy_c/s400/olivia-munn-bikini-complex-02.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5166069074946518242" border="0" /></a>As far as looks go, Munn seems more in place on a runway than on basic cable, and it’s because of this that she’s earned a spot on <a href="http://www.askmen.com/">Askmen.com</a>’s Top 99 Women of 2008 at <a href="http://www.askmen.com/specials/2008_top_99/olivia-munn-83-1.html">No. 83</a>. Plus she has appeared within the pages of countless magazines wearing exceedingly little, such as a feature in Playboy as a <a href="http://www.playboy.com/style/features/babe-of-the-month/olivia-munn/olivia-munn.html">Babe of the Month</a>. Not to mention looking exceptionally well in Princess Leia’s <a href="http://www.terminally-incoherent.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/06/olivia_munn_6.jpg">slave girl costume</a>. She can be my only hope anytime.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><hr align="left" width="30"><br /><p><a href="http://showhype.com/post/" onclick="location.href='http://showhype.com/post/url/?url='+encodeURIComponent(location.href)+'&title='+encodeURIComponent(document.title);return false;"><img src="http://images.showhype.com/img/show/button_96x22.png" alt="ShowHype: hype it up!" height="22" width="96" /></a><br /><script type="text/javascript">digg_skin = 'compact';</script><script src="http://digg.com/tools/diggthis.js" type="text/javascript"></script><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><a href="http://del.icio.us/post" onclick="window.open('http://del.icio.us/post?v=4&noui&jump=close&url='+encodeURIComponent(location.href)+'&title='+encodeURIComponent(document.title), 'delicious','toolbar=no,width=700,height=400'); return false;">Save to del.icio.us</a></span></p><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2545493295726566537-4847880905780840408?l=laminatedlist.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/llfd/~4/IqwjHHUFBx4" height="1" width="1"/>Robert Palmerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06671320624359941121noreply@blogger.com5http://laminatedlist.blogspot.com/2008/02/keepin-it-low-key-munns-word.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2545493295726566537.post-85897228877476082602008-01-30T10:34:00.000-05:002008-01-30T10:49:32.854-05:002008-01-30T10:49:32.854-05:00<span style="font-style: italic;">Check out the debut of </span>Keepin' It Low Key<span style="font-style: italic;">, the new column penned by LLFD expert DJ Paddington.</span><br /><br />If you haven't noticed, <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004695/">Jessica Alba</a> has a new movie coming out called <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0406759/">The Eye</a>, another movie remake of an old Japanese horror film, much like <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0298130/">The Ring</a> and <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0391198/">The Grudge</a>. Going by that alone, I can already predict what the movie is about with knowing anything about it:<br /><br />Pretty hot chick does something dramatic with her life and then freaky shit starts happening, probably involving some pale-faced kid who looks like they just fell out of the shower.<br /><br />Lo and behold, <span style="font-style: italic;">The Eye </span>is about a young blind violinist (Jessica Alba, the <a href="http://www.hotornotbeauty.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/04/jessica_alba.jpg">pretty hot chick</a>) who is given the chance to see for the first time through an eye transplant (dramatic something) and winds up having visions about death coming to take the doomed away from the living world (freaky shit that probably involves a pale-faced kid). Of course, this article isn't about Alba, since she's already famous and we all know who she is, but rather the woman who gives Alba the foresight (wokka wokka) to see that blind wasn't so bad. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you:<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Fernanda Romero</span></span><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/R6CX8AZyUBI/AAAAAAAAA5g/drOVhBvOtYY/s1600-h/coach+copy.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp0.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/R6CX8AZyUBI/AAAAAAAAA5g/drOVhBvOtYY/s400/coach+copy.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5161292230122688530" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/R6CWdAZyUAI/AAAAAAAAA5Y/LeZHky5-H58/s1600-h/FernandaRomero+045.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp0.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/R6CWdAZyUAI/AAAAAAAAA5Y/LeZHky5-H58/s400/FernandaRomero+045.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5161290598035116034" border="0" /></a>Born in the Distrito Federal in Mexico City, she got her first big break BMG's ensemble group Fryzzby, with whom she released two top-ten selling singles and toured from Mexico to Central America. From there, she made the move into television, hosting various programs and appearing in nationwide commercials. Eventually, like most children who aspire to be entertainers, her parents "just didn't understand" and encouraged her to work on a "real" career.<br /><br />Fernanda moved to Los Angeles and appeared in print and television ad campaigns for companies including Rock and Republic, Clean and Clear, Pepsi, Apple, and JC Penny. While in school -- working on her degree in fashion design -- Fernanda enrolled in acting classes eventually landing a gig in Telemundo's original production Wounded Soul, where she was not only a lead actress, but also a lead singer, performing two songs onthe soap opera's soundtrack.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Why does she get props? </span>Besides being another incredibly hot fence jumper, she's also three years my senior and a frequently visitor to New York. <span style="font-style: italic;">*looks into gym membership and "rico suave" classes*</span><br /><hr align="left" width="30"><br /><p><a href="http://showhype.com/post/" onclick="location.href='http://showhype.com/post/url/?url='+encodeURIComponent(location.href)+'&title='+encodeURIComponent(document.title);return false;"><img src="http://images.showhype.com/img/show/button_96x22.png" alt="ShowHype: hype it up!" height="22" width="96" /></a><br /><script type="text/javascript">digg_skin = 'compact';</script><script src="http://digg.com/tools/diggthis.js" type="text/javascript"></script><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><a href="http://del.icio.us/post" onclick="window.open('http://del.icio.us/post?v=4&noui&jump=close&url='+encodeURIComponent(location.href)+'&title='+encodeURIComponent(document.title), 'delicious','toolbar=no,width=700,height=400'); return false;">Save to del.icio.us</a></span></p><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2545493295726566537-8589722887747608260?l=laminatedlist.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/llfd/~4/5HoMW1uYKcY" height="1" width="1"/>Robert Palmerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06671320624359941121noreply@blogger.com2http://laminatedlist.blogspot.com/2008/01/keepin-it-low-key-romero-romero-where.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2545493295726566537.post-75475911513781433212008-01-24T15:47:00.000-05:002008-01-28T04:17:09.373-05:002008-01-28T04:17:09.373-05:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp2.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/R52WgQZyT9I/AAAAAAAAA5A/JqYuoNOoDmA/s1600-h/Simpson-Romo.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp2.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/R52WgQZyT9I/AAAAAAAAA5A/JqYuoNOoDmA/s400/Simpson-Romo.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5160446228939558866" border="0" /></a><br />It's <a href="http://www.popcrunch.com/tony-romo-jessica-simpson-breakup-tony-romo-trying-to-breakup-with-jessica-simpson/">being reported</a> that Dallas Cowboys quarterback <a href="http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/players/profile?statsId=6624">Tony "Slippy Fist" Romo</a> broke up with his girlfriend <a href="http://www.jessicasimpson.com/">Jessica "Special Needs" Simpson</a>. Despite my disdain for/apathy toward the Cowboys in general (I'm a lifelong Saints fan), I'd like to congratulate Mr. Romo on making one of the best decisions in his young life.<br /><br />Now some of you out there may think that it's unfair that Romo dumped her stupid ass. It's no secret that Dallas fans and the Dallas-area media kept blaming Simpson for Romo's underperformance in the game she attended as well as in the NFC Divisional Round after he spent the weekend with her (and her unbelievably creepy father) in Cabo. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that blaming her for his failure is just fuckin' stupid. I mean, she clearly had nothing to do with it. It's not like they're in bed together two minutes before kickoff. It's not like she's TELLING him to fuck up. It's not like she's sitting there saying, "Baby, they don't really need you. Stay here and I'll suck your dick while you eat an ice cream sundae off my ass. Then I'll let you punch me in the face for all the stupid shit I say on a daily basis."<br /><br />But that doesn't mean she doesn't deserve scorn heaped upon her. Jessica Simpson represents everything that is wrong with America: she lacks talent, intelligence, useful skills of any kind, and is essentially fucking her way towards relevance. So, I agree with your ends, Cowboys fans, though not your means. ... But I'll take it anyway.<br /><br />By the way, side note, did you see the response from <a href="http://www.johnmayer.com/">John Mayer</a> a few weeks ago? From <a href="http://www.johnmayer.com/blog">his blog</a>:<blockquote>"All witty barbs, blogs, and fashion policing aside, that girl loves Texas more than you know. It's one of her most defining traits as a person. So please don't try and take that away from her. (You probably wouldn't be able to, but it's less work for all involved.)"</blockquote>What a fucking tool. She's your EX-GIRLFRIEND, dude. She dumped your pansy ass. Show some fucking self-respect. If one of my exes was getting trashed in the media, I'd laugh my ass off. His plea is just a sad little limp-dicked attempt to reason with Cowboys fans. At the top of his little letter he talks about how he doesn't know shit about sports. Any attempt to reason with football fans clearly proves that point. He's like that lame sensitive kid in high school who the sports kids are mean to: "Stop making fun of her! She has a beautiful soul! You'll never understand how special she is, not like I do! [Cries, writes poetry, kills self]" (<span style="font-style: italic;">There's a great spoken word piece by </span><span style="font-style: italic;">Dan Leamon</span><span style="font-style: italic;"> called "<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E-xwq656OzM">Save the Emo Kids</a>." He's a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X3-MqgHQPPs">funny guy</a>.--ed.</span>)<br /><br />DOUCHE. Anyway, John Mayer's lack of testicular fortitude isn't what I'm ranting about today, so I'll get back to the topic at hand: Jessica Simpson being the worst thing to happen to America since Vietnam. See, her relationship with Tony Romo is nothing more than a blatant, cynical attempt to keep her name in the gossip rags, as her "career" is currently in a fucking free-fall. Let's go to the timeline:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp2.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/R52ciQZyT-I/AAAAAAAAA5I/4Bds-4QiTQY/s1600-h/jessica_simpson.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp2.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/R52ciQZyT-I/AAAAAAAAA5I/4Bds-4QiTQY/s400/jessica_simpson.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5160452860369063906" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;">The Late 90's</span><br />"Manufactured" pop acts, like boy bands and Britney Spears, are all the rage. Christina Aguilera's success proves that there's room for a few more "pop princesses" [I just had to take a swig of Jameson to get that out].<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Late 1999</span><br />Simpson releases her first single; some piece of shit. <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00002MZ46?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=thbcba-20&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=9325&amp;creativeASIN=B00002MZ46">Her album</a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=thbcba-20&amp;l=as2&amp;o=1&amp;a=B00002MZ46" alt="" style="border: medium none ! important; margin: 0px ! important;" border="0" height="1" width="1" /> is released shortly thereafter, and sells more than two million copies -- far fewer than Spears or Aguilera, but a respcetable showing.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Mid 2001</span><br />Her <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00005K404?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=thbcba-20&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=9325&amp;creativeASIN=B00005K404">second album</a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=thbcba-20&amp;l=as2&amp;o=1&amp;a=B00005K404" alt="" style="border: medium none ! important; margin: 0px ! important;" border="0" height="1" width="1" /> is released. It doesn't do half the buisness of the first. She's in trouble.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">2002</span><br />Marries fellow falling star Nick Lachey, as rivals Christina Aguilera and Britney Spears continue to see success through their singing careers. Even rival Mandy Moore successfully transitions into acting, including a positively received turn in "<a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0281358/">A Walk To Remember</a>."<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">2003-2004</span><br />Becomes a truly household name with her reality show, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00062IDZQ?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=thbcba-20&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=9325&amp;creativeASIN=B00062IDZQ">Newlyweds - Nick &amp; Jessica</a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=thbcba-20&amp;l=as2&amp;o=1&amp;a=B00062IDZQ" alt="" style="border: medium none ! important; margin: 0px ! important;" border="0" height="1" width="1" />. The show is a filter-free glimpse into her brain, and proves her to be functionally retarded. She is truly an A-lister for the first time. Paris Hilton got famous for getting fucked on camera, Kim Kardashian got famous for getting pissed on, and Jessica Simpson got famous for being a fucking imbecile. You can decide for yourself which is more reprehensible.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/R52csAZyT_I/AAAAAAAAA5Q/gIkRD-vdXco/s1600-h/jessica_simpson1ALT_300_400.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/R52csAZyT_I/AAAAAAAAA5Q/gIkRD-vdXco/s400/jessica_simpson1ALT_300_400.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5160453027872788466" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;">2005</span><br />Simspon's star continues to rise as she is cast as Daisy Duke in <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000BKJ758?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=thbcba-20&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=9325&amp;creativeASIN=B000BKJ758">The Dukes of Hazzard</a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=thbcba-20&amp;l=as2&amp;o=1&amp;a=B000BKJ758" alt="" style="border: medium none ! important; margin: 0px ! important;" border="0" height="1" width="1" />, one of the great cinematic abortions of '05. She's essentially playing herself, and STILL gets shit-tacular reviews from critics. The movie earns more than $100 million world-wide. She sees success for her terrible re-make of Nancy Sinatra's "<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7OU7Nezg7Ls">These Boots Were Made for Walkin'</a>," but mostly because she practically strips naked and fucks a car in <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fWSapaU3k0">the video</a>.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Late '05</span><br />Nick Lachey, finally realizing he just can't take this shit anymore, seperates from Simpson, indefinitely fucking over her reality show. I can imagine his first night away from her was something like a soldier coming out of a P.O.W. camp: he's scared, malnourished, and unsteady on his feet, but he is alive, damn it -- HE. IS. ALIVE.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">2006</span><br />Simpson's second movie, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000LC3ICE?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=thbcba-20&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=9325&amp;creativeASIN=B000LC3ICE">Employee of the Month (Widescreen Edition)</a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=thbcba-20&amp;l=as2&amp;o=1&amp;a=B000LC3ICE" alt="" style="border: medium none ! important; margin: 0px ! important;" border="0" height="1" width="1" />, co-starring noted douche Dane Cook, tanks at the box office. Her <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000I2IQP6?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=thbcba-20&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=9325&amp;creativeASIN=B000I2IQP6">new album</a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=thbcba-20&amp;l=as2&amp;o=1&amp;a=B000I2IQP6" alt="" style="border: medium none ! important; margin: 0px ! important;" border="0" height="1" width="1" /> does far less business than any of her previous three. She <a href="http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/sfgate/detail?blogid=7&amp;entry_id=12047">fucks up a song</a> at a Kennedy Center tribute to Dolly Parton. Her reality TV career is over and her singing and acting careers are flailing like an epileptic in the deep end of the community pool.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Early to mid '07</span><br />Fucks a string of mid-level celebrities. Her star is clearly fading.<br /><br />So, this is where the story ends, right? She fades into obscurity, and we all forget she ever existed, right? But no! This is where Papa Joe orchestrates his greatest triumph yet (I'm assuming it's her father, since she's clearly too fucking stupid to come up with this plan on her own). All he did was pull some pages from earlier in his playbook: "Have daughter marry another star, synergize their celebrity, and coast for a few years, until acting lessons start to take." The reason it didn't work the first time was because Nick Lachey wasn't famous enough. So, expand beyond the perimiter of show-business and ask yourself: Who is both incredibly famous and also young and naive? Who's star will (likely) only continue to rise? Who is all-American, good-looking, and currently without a hot model girlfriend and a baby momma, like Tom Brady? Why that would be the new quarterback of one of America's most popular teams, Tony Romo of the Dallas Cowboys. We're through the looking glass here, people.<br /><br />THAT, Dallas fans, is why she deserves your scorn! She tried to exploit your boy ROMO, and use him to keep her career alive! And if they had gotten married? Shit, Romo would be in Papa Joe's evil grasp for at LEAST the next few years. So be on guard, Cowboys fans: The next time some miserable little cock-holster tries to leech off Romo's celebrity, one of you should consider going all Texas Book Depository/University of Texas Bell Tower on her ass (Weird, how two of the most devastating sniper attacks in U.S. history have both occurred in Texas).<br /><br />Shit, it's what I'm considering if Kim Kardashian ever gets engaged to Reggie Bush.<br /><hr align="left" width="30"><br /><p><a href="http://showhype.com/post/" onclick="location.href='http://showhype.com/post/url/?url='+encodeURIComponent(location.href)+'&title='+encodeURIComponent(document.title);return false;"><img src="http://images.showhype.com/img/show/button_96x22.png" alt="ShowHype: hype it up!" height="22" width="96" /></a><br /><script type="text/javascript">digg_skin = 'compact';</script><script src="http://digg.com/tools/diggthis.js" type="text/javascript"></script><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><a href="http://del.icio.us/post" onclick="window.open('http://del.icio.us/post?v=4&noui&jump=close&url='+encodeURIComponent(location.href)+'&title='+encodeURIComponent(document.title), 'delicious','toolbar=no,width=700,height=400'); return false;">Save to del.icio.us</a></span></p><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2545493295726566537-7547591151378143321?l=laminatedlist.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/llfd/~4/iSQ6-lIeDc4" height="1" width="1"/>Lord Farcefacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00764275877894234807noreply@blogger.com4http://laminatedlist.blogspot.com/2008/01/hollywood-hates-you-ballad-of-yoko-romo.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2545493295726566537.post-89965621766508643632007-12-03T23:58:00.000-05:002007-12-05T15:36:55.870-05:002007-12-05T15:36:55.870-05:00This is an important message from an incensed football fan. <a href="http://www.gayhankies.com/catalog/images/Colt_Anal_Douche.jpg">Tom Brady</a> and the rest of the Patriots have just been downgraded on the Laminated List for giving every red-blooded football fan <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue_balls">blue balls</a>. After a <a href="http://www.nfl.com/gamecenter?season=2007&amp;week=REG13&amp;game_id=29386">game which they should have completely lost</a>, Brady makes a Goddamn TD pass <a href="http://www.nfl.com/videos?videoId=09000d5d804cc335">that wasn't even fuckin complete</a>(5:42). Then in a play that harkens back to <a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/8/85/The_Tackle_SBXXXIV.JPG">Super Bowl XXXIV</a>, the Ravens can't get that last fuckin yard to get the win on a <a href="http://www.nfl.com/videos?videoId=09000d5d804cc335">hail mary pass</a> (6:04). WTF! I have now known the pain that can only be described as the opposite of an orgasm. I don't give a shit how good at football your team is, there has never been a team as despised as <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2007_New_England_Patriots_season">2007s New England Patriots</a>. They are the generic asshole team of this sport. The Mets of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rookie_of_the_Year_%28film%29">Rookie of the Year</a>. The White Sox of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Major_League_%28film%29">Major League</a>. The Hawks of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Mighty_Ducks">The Mighty Ducks</a>. The friggin Alpha Betas of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Revenge_of_the_nerds">Revenge of the Nerds</a>. "What do you expect us to do, kick a field goal?" NO, I expect you to get down on your knees and suck the cock of <a href="http://www.ifilm.com/video/2459138">each and every zebra in existence</a> for the fucking man-love you receive from the NFL's officiating staff. There has never been a team which deserved an undefeated season less than this year's fuckfest that is New England. I now know the pain shared by <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Championships_of_the_New_York_Yankees">every team that has lost to the Yankees</a>... all at the same time. I don't even like the fucking Ravens, but they were SO CLOSE! I can't blame it on their badass strategy of <a href="http://www.nfl.com/videos?videoId=09000d5d804cc5b1">throwing penalty flags into the stands</a>, either. They played some good football. The Patriots aint shit and they don't deserve shit. So I'd just like to thank Misters Brady and Belichick for letting me know what it's like to truly have feelings of hate in my heart.<br /><hr align="left" width="30"><br /><p><a href="http://showhype.com/post/" onclick="location.href='http://showhype.com/post/url/?url='+encodeURIComponent(location.href)+'&title='+encodeURIComponent(document.title);return false;"><img src="http://images.showhype.com/img/show/button_96x22.png" alt="ShowHype: hype it up!" height="22" width="96" /></a><br /><script type="text/javascript">digg_skin = 'compact';</script><script src="http://digg.com/tools/diggthis.js" type="text/javascript"></script><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><a href="http://del.icio.us/post" onclick="window.open('http://del.icio.us/post?v=4&noui&jump=close&url='+encodeURIComponent(location.href)+'&title='+encodeURIComponent(document.title), 'delicious','toolbar=no,width=700,height=400'); return false;">Save to del.icio.us</a></span></p><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2545493295726566537-8996562176650864363?l=laminatedlist.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/llfd/~4/mR3K31opIY0" height="1" width="1"/>E.C. ouchnoreply@blogger.com3http://laminatedlist.blogspot.com/2007/12/loveseat-lowdown.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2545493295726566537.post-18539634616654675002007-11-30T09:58:00.000-05:002007-11-30T15:10:20.518-05:002007-11-30T15:10:20.518-05:00Since TV is currently in the final throes of its long, audience-torturing death rattle, I was going to kill this week's post by writing about the greatest black nerds, or "blerds," of all time. But something funny happened the other day: I got engaged. Since I am an unabashed sci-fi nerd, my friends and I soon began a discussion about what kind of geeky theme wedding I should have. I mean, there's so many choices: <a href="http://www.scifi.com/battlestar/">Battlestar Galactica</a>, <a href="http://abc.go.com/primetime/lost/">Lost</a> and the old standbys of <a href="http://www.startrek.com/">Star Trek</a> and <a href="http://www.starwars.com/">Star Wars</a>. So rather than detail the long, storied history of African-American achievements in nerdery (sorry, <a href="http://movies.infinitecoolness.com/25/diehard06.jpg">Theo from Die Hard</a>), I've decided to devote this week's issue to ultimate dork theme weddings. Enjoy!<br /><br /><div>[<span style="font-weight: bold;">Note to Editor: </span>These are very, very dork-heavy references. I'm going to try to throw in as many approproate links as possible to save you time, since you're probably not going to be as familiar with these shows/movies as I am, as you appear to have a normal social life.]<br /><br />[<span style="font-weight: bold;">Note to Farceface:</span> <span style="font-style: italic;">Yeah ... I only got "cool" in the last few years. I do, in fact, "appear" to have a "normal" social life. Meanwhile, I've been alternating Veronica Mars and Battlestar on <a href="http://www.netflix.com/">Netflix</a>.</span>]<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/R1Bo-RKVYvI/AAAAAAAAA14/9-pDNchqaSM/s1600-R/Lost-season1.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp0.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/R1Bo-RKVYvI/AAAAAAAAA14/1WvqfyTml_g/s400/Lost-season1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138722593797661426" border="0" /></a><br /></div><div><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">1. LOST</span></span><br /></div><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">Bachelor Party: </span>Go to the beach and get positively shitfaced on <a href="http://www.lostpedia.com/wiki/MacCutcheon">MacCutcheon</a> scotch. Try to reach the point of drunkeness where you wake up naked the next day, possibly after having <a href="http://www.lostpedia.com/wiki/Desmond">traveled backwards in time</a>. Wonder which of your groomsmen had <a href="http://www.lostpedia.com/wiki/Two_for_the_Road">angry sex</a> with a <a href="http://www.lostpedia.com/wiki/Ana-Lucia_Cortez">girl</a> who will wind up dead in less than 24 hours.<br /></div><br /><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">Wedding: </span>Find a <a href="http://www.lostpedia.com/wiki/Mr._Eko">scary Nigerian warlord-turned-priest</a> and have him perform the ceremony. Groomsmen dress in <a href="http://www.lostpedia.com/wiki/DHARMA">DHARMA</a> jumpsuits while bridesmaids dress as <a href="http://www.lostpedia.com/wiki/Oceanic_Flight_815">Oceanic Air stewardesses</a>. The reception should be held anywhere with a <a href="http://www.lostpedia.com/wiki/The_Looking_Glass">classy underwater theme</a>, but beware: all it takes is one drunken wedding guest detonating a grenade for this to end in <a href="http://www.lostpedia.com/wiki/Charlie">tragedy</a>. Make sure to introduce the band at the reception as <a href="http://www.lostpedia.com/wiki/Driveshaft">Driveshaft</a>.</div><br /><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">Honeymoon: </span>The show is filmed in Hawaii, which is a good stand in for the series' <a href="http://www.lostpedia.com/wiki/The_Island">mysterious island</a>.</div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp3.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/R1BrjBKVYwI/AAAAAAAAA2A/svTZ2kohr00/s1600-R/galactica_03_1024x768.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/R1BrjBKVYwI/AAAAAAAAA2A/VPtEXeVWh3w/s400/galactica_03_1024x768.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138725424181109506" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size:130%;">2. BATTLESTAR GALACTICA</span></div><span style="font-weight: bold;">Bachelor Party: </span>Rent out a place like <a href="http://en.battlestarwiki.org/wiki/Joe%27s_bar">Joe's bar</a> for the night, but be sure to invite as many <a href="http://en.battlestarwiki.org/wiki/Sharon_Agathon">ridiculously hot lady pilots</a> as you can find. Let the <a href="http://en.battlestarwiki.org/wiki/Ambrosia">ambrosia </a>flow like water and, get ready for more alcohol abuse, guilty sex, and poor life-choices than you can handle (Battlestar Galactica contains more angry sex in one episode than most sci-fi franchises have throughout their lifetimes, so that should be incorporated accordingly into your wedding plans). But if you've got any <a href="http://en.battlestarwiki.org/wiki/Saul_Tigh">angry, one-eyed drunks</a> in your family, maybe it's best not to invite them.<br /><br /><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">Wedding: </span>Make sure you get a trustworthy priest to perform the ceremony, because nobody wants <a href="http://en.battlestarwiki.org/wiki/Cylons_%28RDM%29">sociopathic robot</a> reading you your vows. Bridesmaids and groomsmen should dress in their <a href="http://en.battlestarwiki.org/wiki/Uniforms_%28RDM%29#Dress_uniform">dress greys</a>. Come on; how often do you get married? When you shine, you gotta shine right. At the reception, be sure to tell your groomsmen to watch out for your bride's <a href="http://en.battlestarwiki.org/wiki/Ellen_Tigh">drunken cougar of an aunt</a>; there's one at every party.<br /></div><br /><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">Honeymoon: </span>Anywhere on the planet <a href="http://en.battlestarwiki.org/wiki/Earth_%28RDM%29">Earth</a>. The whole planet's supposed to be the salvation of mankind on the series, so I guess even Detroit or Baltimore would be paradise according to the show's mythology. Oof.</div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp2.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/R1BtnxKVYyI/AAAAAAAAA2Q/MUwuRJzyRa4/s1600-R/star-wars-poster-30th.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp2.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/R1BtnxKVYyI/AAAAAAAAA2Q/4JYxDJ3LJgw/s400/star-wars-poster-30th.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138727704808743714" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size:130%;">3. STAR WARS</span></div><span style="font-weight: bold;">Bachelor Party: </span>Start with a day at the races, but only if your bookie is a <a href="http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Jabba_the_hutt">500 pound, backwards-talking slug</a>. Then wander over to a crazy <a href="http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Cantina">cantina</a> with all kinds of aliens [INSERT IMMIGRATION JOKE HERE]. Be sure to serve plenty of <a href="http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Blue_milk">blue milk</a>, but go easy on the <a href="http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Death_stick">death sticks</a>. Bet on which of your groomsmen gets so drunk that he SWEARS that he use <a href="http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/The_Force">the Force</a> to fly, yet winds up falling down an elevator shaft once his intoxicated ass fails miserably.<br /><br /><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">Wedding: </span>Priest must wear a <a href="http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Darth_Vader">Darth Vader </a>costume (he'd look sick with a little white collar). Groomsmen will dress as <a href="http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Storm_troopers">Storm Troopers</a>, while the best man wears a <a href="http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Chewbacca">Chewie</a> outfit. The groom will, of course, be wearing a <a href="http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Han_Solo">Han Solo </a>costume. The Bride will be wearing the classic Leia costume, while the bridesmaids must dress and <a href="http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Handmaiden">handmaidens</a> from the first films. Be sure to get a guy dressed up as <a href="http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Ackbar">Admiral Ackbar</a> to sit in on the ceremony. That way when Priest Vader asks if anyone has any objections, he can jump up and yell "It's a trap!"</div><br /><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">Honeymoon: </span>That place in Spain that stood in for the palace on <a href="http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Naboo">Naboo</a>. And of course, your lady must be wearing <a href="http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Slave_Leia_costume">Leia's metal bikini</a> when it's time to get down.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/R1Bs_hKVYxI/AAAAAAAAA2I/tcFDjqhfKSc/s1600-R/Star+Trek.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/R1Bs_hKVYxI/AAAAAAAAA2I/UYiuahNkkak/s400/Star+Trek.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138727013319009042" border="0" /></a><br /></div><div><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">4. STAR TREK</span></span><br /></div><span style="font-weight: bold;">Bachelor Party: </span>Any strip club where you can get the strippers to agree to be covered in <a href="http://memory-alpha.org/en/wiki/Orion_slave_girl">green body paint</a> (shouldn't be hard; most of them have been debased by men for years and are therefore open to anything if the price is right). Make sure most of the drinks you serve are <a href="http://memory-alpha.org/en/wiki/Romulan_ale">blue</a> or <a href="http://memory-alpha.org/en/wiki/Aldebaran_whiskey">green</a>; the Star Trek universe is famous for its multi-colored hootch.<br /><br /><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">Wedding: </span>Clearly the officiant must be a Captain of something; 4 of 5 Star Trek shows have featured weddings performed by Admirals or Captains, so your priest should be a Captain of something. Captain of industry, captain of cereal. . .who gives a dick, as long as he 's the captain of <em>something</em>, it'll work. Members of the wedding party should wear <a href="http://memory-alpha.org/en/wiki/Dress_uniforms">dress uniforms</a>. And when all is said and done, replicas of <a href="http://memory-alpha.org/en/wiki/Tribbles">Tribbles</a> should be thrown in lieu of rice.</div><br /><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">Honeymoon: </span><a href="http://http//memory-alpha.org/en/wiki/Risa">That sex planet </a>they had on the Next Generation sounds a whole lot like Thailand to me.</div><br /><div>--Lord Farceface</div><br /><div>P.S. At this point, even I can't believe I tricked a woman into marrying my dorky ass, so I'm just as confused as you.<br /></div><hr align="left" width="30"><br /><p><a href="http://showhype.com/post/" onclick="location.href='http://showhype.com/post/url/?url='+encodeURIComponent(location.href)+'&title='+encodeURIComponent(document.title);return false;"><img src="http://images.showhype.com/img/show/button_96x22.png" alt="ShowHype: hype it up!" height="22" width="96" /></a><br /><script type="text/javascript">digg_skin = 'compact';</script><script src="http://digg.com/tools/diggthis.js" type="text/javascript"></script><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><a href="http://del.icio.us/post" onclick="window.open('http://del.icio.us/post?v=4&noui&jump=close&url='+encodeURIComponent(location.href)+'&title='+encodeURIComponent(document.title), 'delicious','toolbar=no,width=700,height=400'); return false;">Save to del.icio.us</a></span></p><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2545493295726566537-1853963461665467500?l=laminatedlist.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/llfd/~4/AiASOVbPSSs" height="1" width="1"/>Lord Farcefacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00764275877894234807noreply@blogger.com3http://laminatedlist.blogspot.com/2007/11/hollywood-hates-you-wedding-edition.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2545493295726566537.post-43876708373910993922007-11-29T09:24:00.000-05:002007-11-30T14:23:47.826-05:002007-11-30T14:23:47.826-05:00Okay, Thanksgiving=FUN:<br /><ul><li>Packers eking out a victory over the Lions and <a href="http://www.nfl.com/players/brettfavre/profile?id=FAV540222">terrific Favre numbers</a>:</li><ul><li><span style="font-weight: bold;">$50 bucks worth of appetizers</span></li></ul><li>One six-pack of Negro Modelo + One six-pack of Brooklyn Lager:<span style="font-weight: bold;"></span></li><ul><li><span style="font-weight: bold;">$19</span></li></ul><li>Watching a random Filipino girl walk up to <a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/17568818282762871664">TMR</a>, asking if they could make out, and then doing it:</li><ul><li><span style="font-weight: bold;">PRICELESS</span></li></ul></ul>Due to an unforgiving Thanksgiving break schedule, I was clearly not going to post a drop to this site last week. As a result, you all get a 2-for-1 special ...<br /><br />It was at this point in the article where I wrote a whole bunch about <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leanna_Creel">Leanna Creel</a>, who played <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saved_by_the_Bell#Other_main_characters">Tori Scott</a> on the show, effectively replacing Kelly and Jessie. However, it came to my attention after I finished the goddamn article that <a href="http://images.google.com/images?hl=en&amp;q=%22leanna+creel%22&amp;btnG=Search+Images&amp;gbv=2">the ONLY picture I could find of this girl</a> wasn't even her- it was Denise Richards, and I assure you, she was smokin' hot. So, since I couldn't find anything good to write about this biatch who wasn't in anything anyways, I have decided: I am retiring the <a href="http://laminatedlist.blogspot.com/search/label/Where%20You%20At%3F">Where You At?</a> column. (Pending a demand for the still-to-be-posted articles on Kelly, Jessie, and Leah Remini. <span style="font-style: italic;">Uh, you better. Everyone was all about some Stacey Carosi.--ed.</span>)<br /><br />I will be returning in the future with a new concept for an article, but, for now I leave you with this:<br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:130%;"><a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Denise_richards"><span>Denise Richards</span></a></span><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://dvdtoile.com/ARTISTES/1/1331.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 200px;" src="http://dvdtoile.com/ARTISTES/1/1331.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>And some of this (my most recent Visionary Thinking pick, from Sopranos and Heroes):<br /><div style="text-align: center;"><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dania_Ramirez"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Dania Ramirez</span></a></span><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://tvlia.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/06/daniaramirez.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://tvlia.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/06/daniaramirez.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><a href="http://laminatedlist.blogspot.com/2007/06/hollywood-hates-you-aspects-of-donkeys.html">And</a>, of <a href="http://laminatedlist.blogspot.com/2007/06/slay-by-slay_27.html">course</a>, <a href="http://laminatedlist.blogspot.com/2007/06/megan-fox.html">some</a> <a href="http://laminatedlist.blogspot.com/2007/07/hollywood-hates-you-no-really-fuck-off.html">of</a> <a href="http://laminatedlist.blogspot.com/2007/10/me-i-got-nothin.html">these</a>:<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:130%;"><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Megan_Fox"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Megan Fox</span></a></span><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.maxitmag.com/images/stories/eric/CelebrityWatch/megan_fox_gq_02.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://www.maxitmag.com/images/stories/eric/CelebrityWatch/megan_fox_gq_02.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://images.askmen.com/galleries/celeb-profiles-actress/megan-fox/pictures/megan-fox-picture-1.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://images.askmen.com/galleries/celeb-profiles-actress/megan-fox/pictures/megan-fox-picture-1.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: left;">So long for now...<br /></div></div><hr align="left" width="30"><br /><p><a href="http://showhype.com/post/" onclick="location.href='http://showhype.com/post/url/?url='+encodeURIComponent(location.href)+'&title='+encodeURIComponent(document.title);return false;"><img src="http://images.showhype.com/img/show/button_96x22.png" alt="ShowHype: hype it up!" height="22" width="96" /></a><br /><script type="text/javascript">digg_skin = 'compact';</script><script src="http://digg.com/tools/diggthis.js" type="text/javascript"></script><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><a href="http://del.icio.us/post" onclick="window.open('http://del.icio.us/post?v=4&noui&jump=close&url='+encodeURIComponent(location.href)+'&title='+encodeURIComponent(document.title), 'delicious','toolbar=no,width=700,height=400'); return false;">Save to del.icio.us</a></span></p><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2545493295726566537-4387670837391099392?l=laminatedlist.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/llfd/~4/G6lkVtCUMnw" height="1" width="1"/>E.C. ouchnoreply@blogger.com0http://laminatedlist.blogspot.com/2007/11/where-you-at-saved-by-bell-special_29.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2545493295726566537.post-37121320000077477172007-11-26T09:18:00.000-05:002007-11-26T15:57:08.081-05:002007-11-26T15:57:08.081-05:00<span style="font-style: italic;">Farceface totally wrote this weeks ago, but certain editors (like, say ... me) are huge slackers. Pretend this is still relevant, and once I move back to Brooklyn on Thursday, I pledge to beat the shit out of everyone until you're getting regular content once again. Be easy, kids. --TBB</span><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RzOkTiE9WjI/AAAAAAAAA0Y/5zxpGDH3JHg/s1600-h/070511-F-0000C-002.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp0.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RzOkTiE9WjI/AAAAAAAAA0Y/5zxpGDH3JHg/s400/070511-F-0000C-002.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5130625055977200178" border="0" /></a><br /><div>As you may or may not be aware, <strike>this Monday</strike> Nov. 5 officially kicked off the <a href="http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5geB7fgQRltwebN9dhOOrx0FDF8GQD8SPMTHO0">Great Writers Strike</a> of 2007. But since big business can no longer violently break strikes - thank you very much Wisconsin Senator <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_M._La_Follette,_Sr.">Robert M. La Follette</a> - that means you and I, the American viewing public, are going to suffer until this thing is resolved.<br /><br />For the uninformed, the <a href="http://www.wga.org/">Writers Guild of America</a> (WGA) is striking because their contract has expired with the <a href="http://www.amptp.org/">Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers</a> (AMPTP; Evil Empire), and the WGA will not agree to a new contract until they are guaranteed a percentage of DVD sales and digital media downloads. Since DVD sales are practically a license to print money (DVD's are sold for roughly 100 times what they cost to make), the studios are understandably reluctant to give up a piece of the pie.<br /><br />On a side note, remember the good old days? When workers went on strike for things like, you know, the right to work less than 15 hours a day, or mandatory medical care if the mining equipment ripped off your arms? How quaint they were, with their child laborers, criminally unsafe working conditions, and greatly decreased life expectancy.<br /><br />So, what follows are a couple of guides. First is what to expect during the strike. Right now, we're <strike>heading into</strike> already entrenched in Phase II. If this isn't resolved soon, I'll have probably kill myself after Phase III. After that, some tips for surviving this horrible ordeal.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" >STRIKE:<br />A FIVE PART BREAKDOWN OF WHAT TO EXPECT</span><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp2.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/R0spRrXf7KI/AAAAAAAAA1Q/MheOKiM-VCo/s1600-h/RS1013%7EJon-Stewart-and-Stephen-Colbert-Rolling-Stone-no-1013-November-2006-Posters.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp2.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/R0spRrXf7KI/AAAAAAAAA1Q/MheOKiM-VCo/s400/RS1013%7EJon-Stewart-and-Stephen-Colbert-Rolling-Stone-no-1013-November-2006-Posters.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5137245183621983394" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">PHASE I<br />No More Nightlies</span><br />(<span style="font-style: italic;">Already Happened</span>)<br /><br />The first victims of the strike were the "nightly" shows. These include <a href="http://www.nbc.com/Late_Night_with_Conan_O%27Brien/index.shtml">Late Night with Conan O'Brien</a>, <a href="http://www.thedailyshow.com/">The Daily Show</a>, <a href="http://www.comedycentral.com/shows/the_colbert_report/index.jhtml">The Colbert Report</a>, and - if you hate comedy - <a href="http://www.nbc.com/The_Tonight_Show_with_Jay_Leno/">The Tonight Show with Jay Leno</a>. Basically, any late-night talk show that involves Top Ten Lists, <a href="http://www.flicklife.com/fc23b59f18c1bc9802cc/Conan_Vomiting_Kermit_and_the_Masturbating_Bear.html">Masturbating Bears</a>, and <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Recurring_segments_on_The_Colbert_Report#ThreatDown">ThreatDowns</a> is iced. Because these are often written and filmed the day they air, they're the first to go. The only plus? With the loss of Colbert and Stewart, college-age dipshits who think they're political now officially have no one clever to help focus their righteous indignation. They'll probably go back to ruining the guitar now.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/R0sreLXf7LI/AAAAAAAAA1Y/i1LLIFM80e8/s1600-h/office.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp0.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/R0sreLXf7LI/AAAAAAAAA1Y/i1LLIFM80e8/s400/office.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5137247597393603762" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">PHASE II<br />The Fall of the Weeklies</span><span style="font-style: italic;"><br />(<strike>Starting Next Week</strike> Already Happened)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;"></span></span><br /><br />Shows like <a href="http://www.nbc.com/The_Office/">The Office</a> and <a href="http://www.nbc.com/30_Rock/">30 Rock</a> sure are hilarious; in fact, they might just be the two funniest shows on network TV right now. They're also among the first to shut down production. Why? Because the writers are the stars (and vice-versa). The Office writing staff includes <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0136797/">Steve Carell</a>, <a href="http://www.bjnovak.com/">B.J. Novak</a>, <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1411676/">Mindy Kraling</a>, and <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0509425/">Paul Lieberstein</a> (Oh, Jesus. Fine: Michael Scott, Ryan, Kelly, and Toby, respectively. You happy?). 30 Rock's head writer is WGA member <a href="http://www.askmen.com/women/actress_250/278_tina_fey.html">Tina Fey</a>. While some shows can theoretically keep producing scripts that are already written (or "banked"), any show where the writers and the stars are one and the same - or any show where the actors refuse to cross the picket lines, like <a href="http://www.cbs.com/primetime/old_christine/">The New Adventures of Old Christine</a>, <a href="http://www.nbc.com/Heroes/">Heroes</a>, <a href="http://www.fox.com/house/">House</a><a href="http://www.fox.com/house/"> M.D.</a> and others - have already been forced to stop production. So aside from one, maybe two already produced episodes, these shows are already done for.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/R0ssuLXf7MI/AAAAAAAAA1g/TRJ09kxWfv4/s1600-h/BstarGalactica_RazorVote.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp0.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/R0ssuLXf7MI/AAAAAAAAA1g/TRJ09kxWfv4/s400/BstarGalactica_RazorVote.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5137248971783138498" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">PHASE III<br />The Well Runs Dry</span><span style="font-style: italic;"><br />(End Of This Year)</span><br /><br />Each network hangs on to a few shows as "midseason replacements," either as a means of patching up their schedules when crappy shows fail (see CBS; <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0878801/">Viva Laughlin</a> vs. <a href="http://www.cbs.com/primetime/amazing_race5/">The Amazing Race</a>) or as a means of running some plot-heavy shows without re-runs (<a href="http://abc.go.com/primetime/lost/index">Lost</a>, <a href="http://www.fox.com/24/">24</a>, and so on). Since the strike happened before a single episode of these midseason replacements ever aired, some of these shows have a little stockpile of episodes ready to go. Also worth looking forward to? A random smattering of TV movies, like a two-hour <a href="http://www.tnt.tv/series/closer/">Closer</a> special or <a href="http://www.scifi.com/battlestar/razor/">Battlestar Galactica: Razor</a>. But then ...<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp3.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/R0st-7Xf7NI/AAAAAAAAA1o/4fYyZ2zGjRE/s1600-h/idiotbox_1.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/R0st-7Xf7NI/AAAAAAAAA1o/4fYyZ2zGjRE/s400/idiotbox_1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5137250359057575122" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">PHASE IV<br />Reality TV Consumes Us All<br /></span><span style="font-style: italic;">(?)</span><br /><br />Guess what requires no writers, no actors, costs virtually nothing to produce, and appeals to dipshits the way underage Thai pussy appeals to sailors. Give up? Reality TV! Prepare for a deluge of game shows with shitty premises, <a href="http://www.vh1.com/shows/dyn/scott_baio_is_45_and_single/series.jhtml?source=globalnav">Y-</a> and <a href="http://www.eonline.com/on/shows/kardashians/index.jsp">Z-List</a> stars having camera crews follow them around, and feeling dirty every time you turn on a TV. You think, "Hey, I'll just watch this one. It won't be so bad." Next thing you know, your teeth are falling out and the cops are on their way to your house because your kitchen just fucking exploded and the baby is turning blue because he is literally choking to death on the fumes YOU brought into your home (note, this also assumes that you turned your house into a meth lab prior to becoming addicted to reality TV). This is a world where the living will envy the dead.<br /><br />So, as promised, here's some things you can start doing once your TV has betrayed you:<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">--</span>Catch up on TV shows you "don't have time for." How lame is that? When you try to tell a friend or co-worker about a great new show, but they shit on your idea? I was trying to get my brother to check out Dirty, Sexy Money, and this was how it went:<blockquote><span style="font-weight: bold;">Me: </span>Have you been watching that new <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0470244/">Peter Krause</a> show? <a href="http://abc.go.com/primetime/dirtysexymoney/index">Dirty, Sexy Money</a>?<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Bro: </span>Not really.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Me: </span>You should really check it out. It's pretty good.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Bro: </span>I guess, but I don't really have time for another show right now.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Me: </span>You don't have time for free entertainment that takes an hour of your time, or 43 minutes if you have a DVR? You're in college. You live in a frat house. You don't have to wake up until 11 a.m. most weekdays. What the fuck else are you doing?<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Bro: </span>When's it on? Wednesdays?<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Me: </span>Yeah, Wednesdays.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Bro: </span>Oof ... I just don't have time to DVR another show. You know, my schedule is pretty full up trying to get through all the other shows I DVR. I spend some Saturdays JUST watching shows that I recorded during the week.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Me:</span> No, you spend most Saturdays drinking and making poor life-decisions with idiot freshman girls from the Midwest.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Bro: </span>Yeah, so I'm pretty full up.</blockquote>That's the worst excuse people can give. "I don't have time for another show." Fucking eat me. That's just an excuse for not wanting to try new things. I'll tell you what, if you're so full up, delete that <a href="http://www.history.com/">History Channel</a> special on <a href="http://www.history.com/minisite.do?content_type=Minisite_Generic&amp;content_type_id=955&amp;display_order=5&amp;sub_display_order=19&amp;mini_id=1090">Patton</a>. Let's be straight here, you're never actually going to watch it. You only recorded it so that when you had friends over and were looking for the last episode of Amazing Race, your friends would think, "Ooh, a special about Patton. [Your Name Here] must be a smart guy. A real Renaissance man who cares about military history and the great World War II. His hobbies are so interesting." And guess what: THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THEY'RE THINKING. So good job. Mission accomplished. Now quit fooling yourself, delete that crap, and start watching good shows.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">--</span>Develop a <a href="http://www.halo3.com/">Halo 3</a> addiction.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">--</span>Take up online gambling.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">--</span><a href="http://opiates.net/">Opium</a>: a billion Chinamen can't be wrong!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">--</span>Sporting events are a good excuse to start drinking at 10 a.m. And they never go on strike. Except baseball, in 1972. And again in 1981. And 1994. And the basketball lockout of 1998. Oh, and the hockey lockouts of 1994 and 2005. Well, whatever. It never happened in football. Because football is the manliest, ballsiest, greatest sport ev-- what? Wait, when? 1982 AND 1987? And sort of in 1968? Oh ... Ok, then. No, it's fine .. I just ... I mean, I kind of look like an asshole over here.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">--</span>Ever been with a prostitute?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">--</span>Ever KILLED a prostitute?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">--</span><strike>Spend time with loved ones.</strike> Stage death matches between derelicts in your garage or basement.</div><br /><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">--</span>Catch up on movies you never saw in theaters. Realize too late that there was a REASON you never saw them in theaters (thanks, Fast Food Nation!) </div><br /><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">--</span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ClIzbIDaGlo">Weep</a>.</div><br /><div>Enjoy the strike, folks.<br /></div><hr align="left" width="30"><p><a href="http://showhype.com/post/" onclick="location.href='http://showhype.com/post/url/?url='+encodeURIComponent(location.href)+'&title='+encodeURIComponent(document.title);return false;"><img src="http://images.showhype.com/img/show/button_96x22.png" alt="ShowHype: hype it up!" height="22" width="96" /></a><br /><script type="text/javascript">digg_skin = 'compact';</script><script src="http://digg.com/tools/diggthis.js" type="text/javascript"></script><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><a href="http://del.icio.us/post" onclick="window.open('http://del.icio.us/post?v=4&noui&jump=close&url='+encodeURIComponent(location.href)+'&title='+encodeURIComponent(document.title), 'delicious','toolbar=no,width=700,height=400'); return false;">Save to del.icio.us</a></span></p><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2545493295726566537-3712132000007747717?l=laminatedlist.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/llfd/~4/wFIyqGXYn3c" height="1" width="1"/>Lord Farcefacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00764275877894234807noreply@blogger.com0http://laminatedlist.blogspot.com/2007/11/hollywood-hates-you-fall-tv-steeeee.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2545493295726566537.post-72288416644778350332007-11-15T14:29:00.000-05:002007-11-16T15:35:56.838-05:002007-11-16T15:35:56.838-05:00Next up on the Bayside beauties list is the anti-token black girl. She may have still retained some sass, but some exec decided along the way that, "We want black, but not <span style="font-style: italic;">real</span> black. We don't want to scare away any of our white viewers, but at the same time we don't want to be called out for only having white actors." Thus the ultra rich valley girl <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lisa_Turtle#Lisa_Marie_Turtle">Lisa Turtle</a> was born.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:130%;"><a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lark_Voorhies"><span>Lark Voorhies</span></a></span><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.papelera21.es/wp-content/uploads/Image/Lark%20Voorhies,%20Lissa.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://www.papelera21.es/wp-content/uploads/Image/Lark%20Voorhies,%20Lissa.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a></div>I think Screech deserves the <span style="font-style: italic;">Visionary Thinking</span> award for this find, having picked her out from the front of Ms. Bliss's class. Hopefully Lark is not the complete bitch that was Lisa: all about the Benjamins and rejecting the advances of the sexually desperate. However, there was that time that <a href="http://www.tv.com/saved-by-the-bell/the-bayside-triangle/episode/21771/summary.html?tag=ep_list;ep_title;5">she and Zack shared a secret fling</a>, thus proving that Zack was always ahead of us in his Laminated List pursuits.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://mattgunn.files.wordpress.com/2007/05/larkvoorhies.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 200px;" src="http://mattgunn.files.wordpress.com/2007/05/larkvoorhies.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>Lark (we're on that first-name basis) went on to get <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0903397/">quite a few</a> acting roles. After Saved By the Bell, she managed to show up on <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/In_the_House">Fresh Prince II</a> along with a coupla soap operas. Appearances in such grand cinema as <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119326/">How to Be A Player</a> and <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0278488/">How High</a> cemented her sex appeal as an older lass. Added to that, a <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0154237/">third movie</a> comin out soon will make her Film eligible. Also she may gain Video Vixen/Model eligibility for appearin' in <a href="http://www.mtv.com/music/artist/dru_hill/artist.jhtml">Dru Hill</a>, <a href="http://www.myspace.com/boyziimen">Boyz II Men</a>, and Kenny Lattimore (<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kenny_Lattimore">who?</a>) music videos. Not to mention her spots for <a href="http://www.google.com/url?sa=L&amp;ai=Bw9G9aP49R_OnHYLIigGXwa31Dtfloxy_2pevAvHhhV2QoQ8IABABGAEgtlQ4AVCP6vCI_f____8BYMmOk4vApLwQqgEjb3JnLm1vemlsbGE6ZW4tVVM6b2ZmaWNpYWwrY2ZzKzJHTUzIAQHIAq-7YtACAdkDBmAgcvD-Lq0&amp;ggladgrp=272488571&amp;gglcreat=540013091&amp;q=http://www.drugstore.com/templates/brand/default.asp%3Fbrand%3D7801%26aid%3D336064%26aparam%3Dhead_shoulders_shampoo&amp;usg=AFQjCNH4hLywNzj8txB5qPQ5ktebNyn87g">Head and Shoulders</a> back in the day.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp2.blogger.com/_YdEu3HCDEn8/RzypV3ytqWI/AAAAAAAAAEE/qXwRLmJMEEM/s1600-h/Lark+Voorhies.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp2.blogger.com/_YdEu3HCDEn8/RzypV3ytqWI/AAAAAAAAAEE/qXwRLmJMEEM/s320/Lark+Voorhies.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5133163868514527586" border="0" /></a>But before I can leave you to pick her up, I gosta give some fair warnings.<br /><ol><li>She did commercials for <a href="http://www.drugs.com/mtm/oxy-10.html">Oxy-10</a>, so heavy make-up may be needed.</li><li>Having once been engaged to Martin Lawrence, <a href="http://valdefierro.com/martin10.html">she probably likes it rough</a>, so be prepared.</li><li>Married and has a child, so the vag may be at wind-tunnel status, meaning the possible beating might not be worth it.</li><li>Quit soap opera jobs cuz they required sex scenes and she's a J-hov's Witness. Unless you're married, Jesus, or Jay-Z, u prolly ain't gon get in.</li></ol><span><span style="font-size:130%;">Next week: </span></span><span style="font-style: italic;">We get to meet some High Schoolers.</span><br /><hr align="left" width="30"><br /><p><a href="http://showhype.com/post/" onclick="location.href='http://showhype.com/post/url/?url='+encodeURIComponent(location.href)+'&title='+encodeURIComponent(document.title);return false;"><img src="http://images.showhype.com/img/show/button_96x22.png" alt="ShowHype: hype it up!" height="22" width="96" /></a><br /><script type="text/javascript">digg_skin = 'compact';</script><script src="http://digg.com/tools/diggthis.js" type="text/javascript"></script><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><a href="http://del.icio.us/post" onclick="window.open('http://del.icio.us/post?v=4&noui&jump=close&url='+encodeURIComponent(location.href)+'&title='+encodeURIComponent(document.title), 'delicious','toolbar=no,width=700,height=400'); return false;">Save to del.icio.us</a></span></p><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2545493295726566537-7228841664477835033?l=laminatedlist.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/llfd/~4/HeKpTMyiRaQ" height="1" width="1"/>E.C. ouchnoreply@blogger.com0http://laminatedlist.blogspot.com/2007/11/where-you-at-saved-by-bell-special_15.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2545493295726566537.post-595640523797355382007-11-07T10:52:00.000-05:002007-11-09T11:18:45.146-05:002007-11-09T11:18:45.146-05:00<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">HAVE YOU SEEN THIS CELL PHONE?</span></span><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.oaktreeent.com/web_photos/Telephones/Motorola_Cellular-One_Cell-Phone_web.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 200px;" src="http://www.oaktreeent.com/web_photos/Telephones/Motorola_Cellular-One_Cell-Phone_web.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><div style="text-align: left;">If so, use some of the numbers in it. It probably belongs to the first true pimp of '90s sitcom: high school preppie <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zack_Morris">Zack Morris</a>.<br /><br /></div></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/5/5a/Saved_By_the_Bell_Title_Card.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/5/5a/Saved_By_the_Bell_Title_Card.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>Startin with <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Good_Morning%2C_Miss_Bliss">Good Morning Miss Bliss</a> and movin' on to <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0096694/">Saved By The Bell</a> (we will pretend the College Years did not exist) Zach amassed more digits than <a href="http://a.abcnews.com/images/Technology/ap_Laskshmi_071106_ms.jpg">Lakshmi</a>. Of course, being the pimp that he is, even his friends were pretty damn good lookin'. So, to begin a six-part series, lets take a trip back to Junior High.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Heather Hopper</span></span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp2.blogger.com/_YdEu3HCDEn8/RzIg1Kze-fI/AAAAAAAAAD8/NhcgU5Czmw4/s1600-h/Heather+Hopper.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp2.blogger.com/_YdEu3HCDEn8/RzIg1Kze-fI/AAAAAAAAAD8/NhcgU5Czmw4/s320/Heather+Hopper.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5130199023333865970" border="0" /></a><a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0394405/">Heather Hopper</a>, better known as Jessie Spano No. 1, Nikki Coleman, was actually quite the '80s hottie. She retains her TV Actress eligibility due to <a href="http://www.bcbarbershop.com/llfd/rules.htm#tv">the syndication clause</a>, which will benefit you if you wanna grab her in a late-round reach. (<span style="font-style: italic;">Ugh. I forgot to change the rule after the Elisha Cuthbert <a href="http://laminatedlist.blogspot.com/2007/05/mock-llfd-tv-actressespersonalities_5741.html">disaster</a>. However, she is TV-eligible because that's the majority of her work.--ed.</span>)<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.elvira.com/ehh/cast/gfx/hopper.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 200px;" src="http://www.elvira.com/ehh/cast/gfx/hopper.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>She's developed into quite the thang ... I think (OK, its <a href="http://images.google.com/images?svnum=10&amp;um=1&amp;hl=en&amp;q=%22heather+hopper%22&amp;btnG=Search+Images">really hard</a> to find a picture of this girl) but, since she's changed her name (accordin' to <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Main_Page">Wiksterpedsters</a>) to "Ginny Heather Holly," and she was in an <a href="http://www.elvira.com/ehh/">Elvira movie</a>, we can only assume she is now either a stripper or a porn star... clearly.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Tune in next time for one of the castmates you actually remember.</span><br /><hr align="left" width="30"><br /><p><a href="http://showhype.com/post/" onclick="location.href='http://showhype.com/post/url/?url='+encodeURIComponent(location.href)+'&title='+encodeURIComponent(document.title);return false;"><img src="http://images.showhype.com/img/show/button_96x22.png" alt="ShowHype: hype it up!" height="22" width="96" /></a><br /><script type="text/javascript">digg_skin = 'compact';</script><script src="http://digg.com/tools/diggthis.js" type="text/javascript"></script><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><a href="http://del.icio.us/post" onclick="window.open('http://del.icio.us/post?v=4&noui&jump=close&url='+encodeURIComponent(location.href)+'&title='+encodeURIComponent(document.title), 'delicious','toolbar=no,width=700,height=400'); return false;">Save to del.icio.us</a></span></p><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2545493295726566537-59564052379735538?l=laminatedlist.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/llfd/~4/Tm6Z5i_b9WY" height="1" width="1"/>E.C. ouchnoreply@blogger.com1http://laminatedlist.blogspot.com/2007/11/where-you-at-saved-by-bell-special.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2545493295726566537.post-4871168003000645602007-11-02T09:16:00.000-04:002007-11-02T13:14:30.838-04:002007-11-02T13:14:30.838-04:00My time away from the blog was not completley wasted. While I was away, I was able to rendezvous with a colleague whom I'll refer to only as "Lord Doucheface." See, Lord Doucheface works for a high-powered law firm, and he was able to give me an official memo from Britney Spears' parenting coach to her superiors. Enjoy!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/Rytaw6rN4sI/AAAAAAAAA0E/F5IuFTfdZPY/s1600-h/britney+spears+pregnant.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/Rytaw6rN4sI/AAAAAAAAA0E/F5IuFTfdZPY/s400/britney+spears+pregnant.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5128292397122183874" border="0" /></a><div> </div><br /><div style="font-weight: bold;">LOS ANGELES COUNTY DEPARTMENT OF CHILD SERVICES</div><div> </div><br /><div style="font-weight: bold;"></div><span style="font-weight: bold;">To: </span>Director H. Lloyd Geiger<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">From:</span> Lauren Barnes, Case Worker<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Re:</span> Spears Parenting Session<br /><div> </div><br /><div>Director Geiger,</div><div> </div><br /><div>What follows is a transcription of notes made on my voice-recorder from my latest "Parenting Without Conflict" course with Britney Spears, which occurred at her Malibu home on Tuesday, October 23, 2007.</div><div> </div><br /><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">12:15 PM--</span> Just finished up with Jenny the Crackhead. As you know, she is a 23-year-old ex-prostitute who lost custody of her child, Rocky, when she attempted to sell him for thirty-three (33) vials of crack-cocaine. Since that time, her progress has been limited. At the meeting before last, she attempted to stab me with a pair of scissors. I know this sounds bad, but it'll be a welcome change to do one of these in a cushy Malibu mansion.</div><div> </div><br /><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">12:30 PM-- </span>I've arrived at Ms. Spears' home. I've knocked on the door several times, but it appears no one's home. This is an auspicious start for Ms. Spears.</div><div> </div><br /><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">12:32 PM--</span> Holy shit! The kids! They're in there by themselves!</div><div> </div><br /><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">12:35 PM--</span> I've gained entry to Ms. Spears' house by breaking a window. The kids appear to be all right, but this is most disconcerting. I'll be making a formal complaint as soon as I return to the office.<br /></div><div> </div><br /><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">1:00 PM-- </span>Where the Hell is she?</div><div> </div><br /><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">1:23 PM--</span> Ms. Spears finally arrives. Within three seconds of being in the door, she's managed to take all her clothes off. (Interestingly enough, she managed to do this without putting down either of the Sourdough Jack &amp; Cheeses she's holding; how she accomplished this, I'll never know.)</div><div> </div><br /><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">1:25 PM--</span> I just introduced myself to Ms. Spears. Before I finished saying my name, she told me to "Shut the fuck up, get the dog, and figure out where the rest of that cheese log got off to." I think she thinks I'm her new personal assistant.</div><div> </div><br /><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">1:30 PM-- </span>I managed to explain to her who I am and why I'm there. When I told her that leaving her kids ALONE in her house while she went to a fast food restaurant is a serious violation, she said, "Fuck it! Mama needs her Big Beef 'n' Cheddar, and those little bastards always cause such a ruckus in the car!"</div><div> </div><br /><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">1:32 PM--</span> She asked me about my voice recorder, refering to it as "the magic word box what'chu keeps talkin' in to." You can take the girl out of Kentwood, Louisiana, but you can't take Kentwood out of the girl.</div><div> </div><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">1:34 PM-- </span>Jesus, God, why won't she put on any clothes? This is just awful. SIDE NOTE: I need to pick up more cottage cheese at the store tonight.<br /><div> </div><br /><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">1:36 PM--</span> She FINALLY put on clothes. I mean, a plaid pair of skorts, a men's dress shirt, and a Fedora aren't "clothes" in the traditional sense, but at least she's not strutting around here naked anymore.<br /></div><div> </div><br /><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">1:39 PM-- </span>Oof. She's definitely not wearing underwear under those skorts. God, has her ladyflower been in a fistfight? Why does it look so beaten up?</div><div> </div><br /><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">1:40 PM--</span> I just tried to explain to Ms. Spears that she needs to show her kids affection by playing with them. I swear to God, it was like talking to a circus animal. Sure, it may look like there's some semblance of intelligence there, but at the end of the day you know it's happy just to fall asleep in its own shit.</div><div> </div><br /><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">1:41 PM-- </span>I wasn't using a metaphor. She probably will fall asleep in her own shit tonight.</div><div> </div><br /><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">1:46 PM--</span> Ms. Spears claims she needs a "carmel frap" before she can "focus on all this baby lovin' 'n' shit." I assume she's talking about some kind of coffee drink, and not some sort of disgusting sexual ritual involving caramel, her naked body, and some poor bastard she tricked into ducking out of his shift at The Cheesecake Factory.</div><div> </div><br /><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">1:47 PM-- </span>I'm in the car with Ms. Spears. I want to see how far she'll go before she realizes that her kids are still in the house.</div><div> </div><br /><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">1: 50 PM--</span> Her kids are still in the house. And I've told her as much at least four times. </div><div> </div><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">1:55 PM--</span> Finally got her to go back to the kids by telling her that if she did, I'd talk Ronald McDonald into making the McRib a permanant fixture on the menu. I don't know why I thought of that, but as soon as I did, I knew it would work.<br /><div> </div><br /><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">1:56 PM--</span> Ms. Spears attempted to secure her children in the vehicle by duct-taping them to the front seat. Fuck it. Hell, I figured she'd probably try and secure them to the vehicle's luggage rack.</div><div> </div><br /><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">2:14 PM--</span> We finally made it to the Starbucks. I can't ... Oh, wait. According to Ms. Spears, this isn't our final destination. She's picking up a caremel frap to hold her over while she drives to get her caramel frap.</div><div> </div><br /><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">2:32 PM--</span> Got her her carmel frap.</div><div> </div><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">2:45 PM-- </span>And another one.<br /><div> </div><br /><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">3:00 PM-- </span>And we stopped at the Wendy's to get her a Baconator.</div><div> </div><br /><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">3:12 PM--</span> And the Taco Bell to get a Crunch Wrap Supreme. They're good to go.</div><div> </div><br /><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">3:30 PM--</span> Finally returned to Ms. Spears' Malibu estate. I helped her remove her children from the car and put them back in the house. I've informed her that I'll be filing a very damaging report with the DCS, but her only response was to ask me if I thought she looked sexy. </div><div> </div><br /><div>That is the full transcription of my voice-recorder notes. As such, I've requested that I be permanently re-assigned to Jenny the Crackhead. I think that despite early setbacks, Jenny really does show the resolve to become a better parent. And that no matter how much crack Jenny smoked, she's still - in some way - in touch with reality. </div><div> </div><br /><div>Ms. Spears, unfortunately, should no longer be allowed visits with her children, and certainly not unsupervised. In fact, someone should probably contact Animal Welfare regarding her dog. I'm fairly certain that it's also being neglected. In fact, if it's in that home and it's not cheesy, melty, creamy, foamy, meaty, fruity, or choclatey, chances are it's being neglected a fuck ton.<br /></div><div> </div><br /><div>Lauren Barnes, DCS<br /></div><div> </div><br /><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">PS--</span> My advice for the next parenting coach assigned by DCS to Ms. Spears: "Use the carrot," so to speak. Every time she does something right, hand her a Hot Ham &amp; Swiss, a Big Mac, or a Wings &amp; Thighs Bucket. We must reinforce positive actions with things that she wants.<br /></div>--<br />Wow. A truly damning report.<br /><hr align="left" width="30"><br /><p><a href="http://showhype.com/post/" onclick="location.href='http://showhype.com/post/url/?url='+encodeURIComponent(location.href)+'&title='+encodeURIComponent(document.title);return false;"><img src="http://images.showhype.com/img/show/button_96x22.png" alt="ShowHype: hype it up!" height="22" width="96" /></a><br /><script type="text/javascript">digg_skin = 'compact';</script><script src="http://digg.com/tools/diggthis.js" type="text/javascript"></script><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><a href="http://del.icio.us/post" onclick="window.open('http://del.icio.us/post?v=4&noui&jump=close&url='+encodeURIComponent(location.href)+'&title='+encodeURIComponent(document.title), 'delicious','toolbar=no,width=700,height=400'); return false;">Save to del.icio.us</a></span></p><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2545493295726566537-487116800300064560?l=laminatedlist.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/llfd/~4/9xjZ7MWjgBo" height="1" width="1"/>Lord Farcefacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00764275877894234807noreply@blogger.com0http://laminatedlist.blogspot.com/2007/11/hollywood-hates-you-stolen-official.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2545493295726566537.post-90751767503533751952007-10-31T09:03:00.000-04:002007-10-31T16:16:18.312-04:002007-10-31T16:16:18.312-04:00Sorry Lord FarceFace has been away lately, kids. Every now and then the constraints of a "real" life force their way into this blog and I am called away on business. Allow me to finish up my <a href="http://laminatedlist.blogspot.com/search/label/Hollywood%20Hates%20You">Fall TV Preview</a> for Friday and Sunday posthaste.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RyjiTqrN4rI/AAAAAAAAAz8/EmBVu1stnnY/s1600-h/fnl.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RyjiTqrN4rI/AAAAAAAAAz8/EmBVu1stnnY/s400/fnl.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5127597003262255794" border="0" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RyjhMarN4qI/AAAAAAAAAz0/tKJuVD7oXHs/s1600-h/football.jpg"></a><div> </div><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Best Show (Friday): </span><a href="http://www.nbc.com/Friday_Night_Lights/">Friday Night Lights</a><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />Best Show (Sunday):</span> <a href="http://www.nfl.com/">Football</a><br /><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">Best Cable Show (Friday): </span>None. Friday is traditionally considered a dumping ground for shit shows for a reason. Among network execs, Fridays at 10:00 is actually known as "the death slot."<br /></div><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">Best Cable Show (Sunday): </span><a href="http://www.sho.com/site/dexter/">Dexter</a></div><span style="font-weight: bold;">Worst Show (Friday): </span><a href="http://www.cbs.com/primetime/viva_laughlin">Viva Laughlin</a><br /><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">Worst Show (New Season): </span>Viva Laughlin</div><span style="font-weight: bold;">Worst Show (Fucking Ever): </span>Viva Laughlin<br /><div> </div><br /><div>A musical muder mystery set in Vegas? I'd rather watch a video of <a href="http://www.silentscream.org/">an actual abortion</a> being performed!<br /></div><br />Consider this your complete breakdown for the new fall season. It looks like my pre-season pick of <a href="http://abc.go.com/primetime/bigshots/index">Big Shots</a> to be the first show shitcanned is wrong; Viva Laughlin has been pulled a mere five days after its glorious premiere.<br /><hr align="left" width="30"><br /><p><a href="http://showhype.com/post/" onclick="location.href='http://showhype.com/post/url/?url='+encodeURIComponent(location.href)+'&title='+encodeURIComponent(document.title);return false;"><img src="http://images.showhype.com/img/show/button_96x22.png" alt="ShowHype: hype it up!" height="22" width="96" /></a><br /><script type="text/javascript">digg_skin = 'compact';</script><script src="http://digg.com/tools/diggthis.js" type="text/javascript"></script><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><a href="http://del.icio.us/post" onclick="window.open('http://del.icio.us/post?v=4&noui&jump=close&url='+encodeURIComponent(location.href)+'&title='+encodeURIComponent(document.title), 'delicious','toolbar=no,width=700,height=400'); return false;">Save to del.icio.us</a></span></p><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2545493295726566537-9075176750353375195?l=laminatedlist.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/llfd/~4/0pkdGMIW20Y" height="1" width="1"/>Lord Farcefacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00764275877894234807noreply@blogger.com0http://laminatedlist.blogspot.com/2007/10/hollywood-hates-you-fall-tv-preview_31.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2545493295726566537.post-91421733853508835132007-10-26T13:03:00.000-04:002007-10-26T13:18:59.027-04:002007-10-26T13:18:59.027-04:00Apologies for the wackness of late, but things have been retarded busy for me in the personal life, so just work with me for now, and once I have a handle on being alive, I'll be back at it - and on the backs of these other cats to get you that LLFD lovin' you used to. For now, here's <a href="http://laminatedlist.blogspot.com/search/label/Megan%20Fox">more Megan</a>:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RyIg_KrN4mI/AAAAAAAAAzU/pQlj6EPi-GE/s1600-h/megan_fox_fhm_november_3.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RyIg_KrN4mI/AAAAAAAAAzU/pQlj6EPi-GE/s400/megan_fox_fhm_november_3.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5125695595470512738" border="0" /></a><hr align="left" width="30"><br /><p><a href="http://showhype.com/post/" onclick="location.href='http://showhype.com/post/url/?url='+encodeURIComponent(location.href)+'&title='+encodeURIComponent(document.title);return false;"><img src="http://images.showhype.com/img/show/button_96x22.png" alt="ShowHype: hype it up!" height="22" width="96" /></a><br /><script type="text/javascript">digg_skin = 'compact';</script><script src="http://digg.com/tools/diggthis.js" type="text/javascript"></script><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><a href="http://del.icio.us/post" onclick="window.open('http://del.icio.us/post?v=4&noui&jump=close&url='+encodeURIComponent(location.href)+'&title='+encodeURIComponent(document.title), 'delicious','toolbar=no,width=700,height=400'); return false;">Save to del.icio.us</a></span></p><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2545493295726566537-9142173385350883513?l=laminatedlist.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/llfd/~4/voAWE0DR6Xs" height="1" width="1"/>The Brooklyn Boyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12948928776452062001noreply@blogger.com1http://laminatedlist.blogspot.com/2007/10/posting-shortage.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2545493295726566537.post-24064750742091169052007-10-24T09:47:00.000-04:002007-10-24T09:32:24.632-04:002007-10-24T09:32:24.632-04:00<div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/Rx6Zs7TtUNI/AAAAAAAAAzM/7nNH6QCB97o/s1600-h/borth.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp0.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/Rx6Zs7TtUNI/AAAAAAAAAzM/7nNH6QCB97o/s400/borth.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5124702423107850450" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" >Michelle Borth</span><br /></div><br />In the interest of full disclosure, I haven't read a celebrity blog post in many moons. Well, save for an occasional shot of <a href="http://www.wwtdd.com/">WWTDD?</a> That site is like cooked crack. So maybe this is on that grain of salt tip, but I'm declaring Lozo of <a href="http://lozo.blogspot.com/">Why Don't We Get Drunk and Blog?</a> a Visionary Thinking <a href="http://laminatedlist.blogspot.com/search/label/Visionary%20Thinking%20HOF">Hall of Fame</a> candidate, based on his <a href="http://lozo.blogspot.com/2007/10/my-new-goal-in-life-is-to-marry.html">recent post</a> about the smoking hot <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1218924/">Michelle Borth</a>, of HBO's new drama <a href="http://www.hbo.com/tellme/">Tell Me You Love Me</a>:<br /><blockquote>I don't know anything about this chick. But here's every scene she's ever been in on the show: She gets totally naked and fucks. The end.<br /><br />And she's like, awesome. It's pretty hard to get me, well, hard, when watching cheesy HBO sex. Like, it's usually pretty simulated and blah. But this girl is a champ. She should win an Emmy, whether she's really having sex or not. Heck, she should win a Nobel Prize.</blockquote>Lozo even gets his journalist on, turning up <a href="http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&amp;friendID=9987240">her MySpace page</a>, which is filled with classy photos like these:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/Rx6YmLTtULI/AAAAAAAAAy8/LaWe_qyudbk/s1600-h/l_bcc578387dff475aa3fce41281d0e697.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/Rx6YmLTtULI/AAAAAAAAAy8/LaWe_qyudbk/s400/l_bcc578387dff475aa3fce41281d0e697.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5124701207632105650" border="0" /></a><br />I recommend reading the rest of the post, because you'll come across some stellar uses of the English language, like this one:<blockquote>Michelle Borth is a hero, willing to not only get naked and play a slut to achieve her fame, but willing to portray a sad, terrible female stereotype on top of it. Do they give Purple Hearts for that? They should.</blockquote>Well played, Lozo. While we're all waiting to see if she blows up and Lozo earns his place among the VTHOF legends, every guy reading can use this photo to fantasize:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/Rx6Y3LTtUMI/AAAAAAAAAzE/RvW3RltPd_Q/s1600-h/l_e45c468449e30621e87bb2cbf34b1656.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/Rx6Y3LTtUMI/AAAAAAAAAzE/RvW3RltPd_Q/s400/l_e45c468449e30621e87bb2cbf34b1656.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5124701499689881794" border="0" /></a><hr align="left" width="30"><br /><p><a href="http://showhype.com/post/" onclick="location.href='http://showhype.com/post/url/?url='+encodeURIComponent(location.href)+'&title='+encodeURIComponent(document.title);return false;"><img src="http://images.showhype.com/img/show/button_96x22.png" width="96" height="22" alt="ShowHype: hype it up!"/></a><br /><script type="text/javascript">digg_skin = 'compact';</script><script src="http://digg.com/tools/diggthis.js" type="text/javascript"></script><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><a href="http://del.icio.us/post" onclick="window.open('http://del.icio.us/post?v=4&noui&jump=close&url='+encodeURIComponent(location.href)+'&title='+encodeURIComponent(document.title), 'delicious','toolbar=no,width=700,height=400'); return false;">Save to del.icio.us</a></span></p><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2545493295726566537-2406475074209116905?l=laminatedlist.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/llfd/~4/_HjogIY7UIM" height="1" width="1"/>The Brooklyn Boyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12948928776452062001noreply@blogger.com0http://laminatedlist.blogspot.com/2007/10/vthof-candidate-lozo.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2545493295726566537.post-41482909204077916492007-10-18T16:14:00.000-04:002007-10-18T16:18:39.070-04:002007-10-18T16:18:39.070-04:00<div align="center"><object height="350" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/zfRzj2V4hnY"><param name="wmode" value="transparent"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/zfRzj2V4hnY" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" height="350" width="425"></embed></object></div><br /><br />Yeah ... So I can't decide if I'm okay with how trashy Avril looks in this video, or whether it's a sign she's completely sold out on every claim that she'd never sell her music via "sexing" herself up, but the neon green bustier does it for me. I'd rail her out from here to Sasketoon or whatever bumblefuck Canadian town she's from.* Old Crushes die hard.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">*Napanee, Ontario. I didn't know that off the top of my head. Nothing like that. Nothing at all.</span><br /><hr align="left" width="30"><br /><p><script type="text/javascript">digg_skin = 'compact';</script><script src="http://digg.com/tools/diggthis.js" type="text/javascript"></script><span class="ipad_iframe"><script type="text/javascript">var ipad_format="small";</script><br /><script type="text/javascript" src="http://www.indianpad.com/api/ipad_remote.js"><br /></script></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><a href="http://del.icio.us/post" onclick="window.open('http://del.icio.us/post?v=4&noui&jump=close&url='+encodeURIComponent(location.href)+'&title='+encodeURIComponent(document.title), 'delicious','toolbar=no,width=700,height=400'); return false;">Save to del.icio.us</a></span></p><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2545493295726566537-4148290920407791649?l=laminatedlist.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/llfd/~4/yd2GrCvhOxw" height="1" width="1"/>The Brooklyn Boyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12948928776452062001noreply@blogger.com0http://laminatedlist.blogspot.com/2007/10/celebrity-crush-update.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2545493295726566537.post-61251762320926619292007-10-15T09:03:00.000-04:002007-10-15T22:09:39.095-04:002007-10-15T22:09:39.095-04:00The <a href="http://www.nypost.com/gossip/gossip.htm">New York Post</a>, tabloid rag champ that it is, has begun putting out a weekly <a href="http://www.nypost.com/promos/p6mag.htm">Page Six Magazine</a>. The magazine is thoroughly enjoyable, with surprising depth - recent features covered an underground polyamory scene and the city's pothead professionals. However, it was their profile on a slashie MILF that caught my LLFD eye. Here she be:<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Jennifer Westfeldt</span></span><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RxQY-bTtUDI/AAAAAAAAAyE/Hdxnd6o4inU/s1600-h/0000035881_20061117103205.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp0.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RxQY-bTtUDI/AAAAAAAAAyE/Hdxnd6o4inU/s400/0000035881_20061117103205.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5121746136988471346" border="0" /></a><br />After three years of minor roles, Yale graduate <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0922724/">Westfeldt</a> broke through with <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0264761/">Kissing Jessica Stein</a>, which she co-wrote and starred in. The movie is about a woman who's too picky, and answers a personal ad by a woman looking for a "friend." They end up getting "involved." Clearly, both broads just didn't find the right guy; in the words of the immortal Banky Edwards: "All every woman really wants - be it mother, senator, nun - is some serious deep-dicking."<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RxQcjbTtUEI/AAAAAAAAAyM/DMG3K3dVBL8/s1600-h/calloutimage_about.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp0.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RxQcjbTtUEI/AAAAAAAAAyM/DMG3K3dVBL8/s400/calloutimage_about.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5121750071178514498" border="0" /></a><br />Jen, I got the dick. It's on you to take it deep. Holla atcha (Brooklyn) Boy.<br /><hr align="left" width="30"><br /><p><script type="text/javascript">digg_skin = 'compact';</script><script src="http://digg.com/tools/diggthis.js" type="text/javascript"></script><span class="ipad_iframe"><script type="text/javascript">var ipad_format="small";</script><br /><script type="text/javascript" src="http://www.indianpad.com/api/ipad_remote.js"><br /></script></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><a href="http://del.icio.us/post" onclick="window.open('http://del.icio.us/post?v=4&noui&jump=close&url='+encodeURIComponent(location.href)+'&title='+encodeURIComponent(document.title), 'delicious','toolbar=no,width=700,height=400'); return false;">Save to del.icio.us</a></span></p><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2545493295726566537-6125176232092661929?l=laminatedlist.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/llfd/~4/F-mqd09PQCE" height="1" width="1"/>The Brooklyn Boyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12948928776452062001noreply@blogger.com0http://laminatedlist.blogspot.com/2007/10/mouthwatering-milfs.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2545493295726566537.post-16043884335750067302007-10-11T11:37:00.000-04:002007-10-11T12:06:12.594-04:002007-10-11T12:06:12.594-04:00In time-honored <a href="http://laminatedlist.blogspot.com/search/label/Megan%20Fox">LLFD tradition</a>, realizing you crazy kids have gotten zip from us this week, here's a gratutious, superhot Megan Fox photo to tide you over til I get back on the posting hobby horse and carry the rest of these slackers:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp2.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/Rw5H5MUyP_I/AAAAAAAAAw8/Rm-kiqYTCZ8/s1600-h/meganfo1zg8.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp2.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/Rw5H5MUyP_I/AAAAAAAAAw8/Rm-kiqYTCZ8/s400/meganfo1zg8.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5120108874253352946" border="0" /></a><br />Max Vadukul, you have officially taken the sexiest MFing photo I have ever seen. Ever. I wasn't able to turn the page. I just closed the issue and took a moment. To jerk off so gloriously I blew a load all over the bus. After I showed off the photo, the other regulars weren't even mad. Then they joined in. To answer the question Kevin Smith did not, they all came. Hard.<br /><hr align="left" width="30"><br /><p><script type="text/javascript">digg_skin = 'compact';</script><script src="http://digg.com/tools/diggthis.js" type="text/javascript"></script><span class="ipad_iframe"><script type="text/javascript">var ipad_format="small";</script><br /><script type="text/javascript" src="http://www.indianpad.com/api/ipad_remote.js"><br /></script></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><a href="http://del.icio.us/post" onclick="window.open('http://del.icio.us/post?v=4&noui&jump=close&url='+encodeURIComponent(location.href)+'&title='+encodeURIComponent(document.title), 'delicious','toolbar=no,width=700,height=400'); return false;">Save to del.icio.us</a></span></p><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2545493295726566537-1604388433575006730?l=laminatedlist.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/llfd/~4/TpAR5XyhNxc" height="1" width="1"/>The Brooklyn Boyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12948928776452062001noreply@blogger.com0http://laminatedlist.blogspot.com/2007/10/me-i-got-nothin.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2545493295726566537.post-29163655608316015542007-10-04T09:04:00.000-04:002007-10-04T16:14:24.834-04:002007-10-04T16:14:24.834-04:00<span style="font-style: italic;">At last, our long national nightmare is OVER!! Fall TV is coming back! Thank you, Jesus! Thank you, Moses! Thank you, Mohamm - nah, he probably had nothing to do with this.</span><br /><div><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Each week, I'll be previewing the lineup for every worthwhile day of TV (eat a dick, Saturday). I'll lay out the best network show, the best cable show, the (probable) </span><a style="font-style: italic;" id="amzn_cl_link_0" href="http://amazon.com/gp/product/0816731772?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=thbcba-20&amp;link_code=em1&amp;camp=212341&amp;creative=384049&amp;creativeASIN=0816731772&amp;adid=01f7d7ec-f759-425a-8e5e-87be700e2a56" target="_blank">worst show</a><span style="font-style: italic;">, the most promising new show, and - of course - that day's most bonable hottie. </span>Today:<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:180%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Thursday!</span></span><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp2.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RwVI-bS-XDI/AAAAAAAAAwM/MpdQtASDhSg/s1600-h/30-rock-061018.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp2.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RwVI-bS-XDI/AAAAAAAAAwM/MpdQtASDhSg/s400/30-rock-061018.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5117576788892867634" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">BEST NETWORK SHOW: </span><a href="http://www.nbc.com/30_Rock/">30 Rock</a><br /><br />You thought I was going to say <a href="http://www.nbc.com/The_Office/">The Office</a>, didn't you? Yes, The Office is a great show. There's no denying it. However, 30 Rock barely edges out The Office in my mind for a number a reasons. First off, the writing is <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0367279/">Arrested Development</a>-smart, with jokes that alternate between relevant (obscenity in the media, corporate control over the television creative process) to the geekily absurd (<a href="http://www.askmen.com/women/actress_250/278_tina_fey.html">Tina Fey</a> once joking that her eyes are as far apart as <a href="http://www.starwars.com/databank/character/admiralackbar/">Admiral Ackbar's</a>, <a href="http://www.tracymorgan.net/">Tracy Morgan's</a> character having starred in movies like "Phat Bitch," "Who Dat Ninja," and "Honkey Grandma Be Trippin.") The casting is pretty much the best on TV right now: Tina Fey as a harried, modern-day <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Tyler_Moore">Mary Tyler Moore</a>; <a href="http://www.alecbaldwin.com/">Alec Baldwin</a> as the uber-corporate Jack Donaghy (his best role since <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0104348/">Glengarry Glen Ross</a>); and Tracy Morgan as, well, <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001454/">Martin Lawrence</a>. (Trust me, only Tracy Morgan can paste that ridiculous smile on his face and enthusiastically say lines like, "Me and my wife like to play rape!" on national TV.) This show is an underrated gem, and the fact that it just won an Emmy probably means that it'll be dead in three years, so enjoy it while you can.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RwVJP7S-XFI/AAAAAAAAAwc/2oWiDCV5w08/s1600-h/its_always_sunny_in_philadelphia.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp0.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RwVJP7S-XFI/AAAAAAAAAwc/2oWiDCV5w08/s320/its_always_sunny_in_philadelphia.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5117577089540578386" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">BEST CABLE SHOW:</span> <a href="http://www.fxnetworks.com/shows/originals/sunny/">It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia</a><br /><br />I've been a fan of this fucked-up bit of genius since it first came on the air. Written by, produced by, and starring 3 formerly unemployed actors/writers, Sunny is a show about a group of utter narcissists who always try to get their way by screwing over everyone they can, including each other. The biggest detriment to their idiotic schemes is that the characters are fucking idiots (there are several hints that one character, Charlie, is functionally illiterate, if not full-on retarded). This show once touted itself as "Seinfeld on crack," which is a pretty bold statement. Fortunately, it's an accurate one.<br /><br />Some selected episode titles:<br /><ul><li>Season 1</li><ul><li>"Charlie Wants an Abortion"</li><li>"The Gang Finds a Dead Guy"</li><li>"Charlie Got Molested"</li></ul><li>Season 2</li><ul><li>"The Gang Goes Jihad"</li></ul><ul><li>"The Gang Exploits a Miracle"</li></ul><ul><li>"Charlie Goes America All Over Everybody's Ass"</li></ul><li>Season 3</li><ul><li>"The Gang Finds a Dumpster Baby"</li><li>"Frank Sets Sweet Dee on Fire"</li><li>"Dee is Dating a Retarded Person"</li></ul></ul>I don't even give a fuck what show it is-- it could be fucking Punky Brewster-- I will watch any episode of any series on the air if it has a title like "Charlie Wants an Abortion."<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RwVJF7S-XEI/AAAAAAAAAwU/NOWgT9EfhXc/s1600-h/25_bigshots.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp0.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RwVJF7S-XEI/AAAAAAAAAwU/NOWgT9EfhXc/s400/25_bigshots.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5117576917741886530" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">WORST SHOW:</span> <a href="http://abc.go.com/primetime/bigshots/index">Big Shots</a><br /><br />Holy GOD this looks atrocious. It's a show about the relationship problems of 4 guys who are otherwise super-successful in life. The people behind it say they're going to try to "create well-rounded male friendships in the way that <a href="http://www.hbo.com/city/">Sex and the City</a> did for women [from an <a href="http://www.ew.com/">Entertainment Weekly</a> article, Sept. 14, 2007]." Now if you're someone with a penis, you can agree that that quote immediately made you want to avoid whatever the Hell it is they're selling, because if they didn't lose you at "well-rounded male friendships," then the sure as shit lost you at "Sex and the City." Like, seriously? Who created this shit and thinks that they're going to appeal to men in any way with this quote? You want to appeal to men with your show? Here's what you say to the press: "Football, beer, fucking, tits, fucking, football, sports, fucking, beer, chicken wings, guns, tits, punching people in the face, beer, beer, beer, fucking, guns, tits, fucking, tits." Another way to appeal to men? Don't make a show about male relationships, you dipshits.<br /><br />The average male will watch this crap and think: "hey, that guy's life is much better than mine; he has lots of money and nice things. I already hate him. Oh, great, now he's going to bitch about his relationship for an hour. I don't give a fuck about my friend's relationships; shit, I barely give a fuck about <em>my</em> relationship, and now I've got to listen to this dipshit wax philisophical about his shit? Oh, and there's no titties because it's network TV." AWESOME. SIGN ME THE FUCK UP.<br /><br />The good news is, I'm pretty sure this will be the first show to get shitcanned by any network. So at least it won't be out there, fucking up my airwaves for too long.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">MOST PROMISING NEW SHOW: </span>None<br /><br />Sorry, folks. The only new show on the ultra-competitive Thursday schedule would be Big Shots, and it won't be around for much longer (provided God answers my prayers).<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp2.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RwVJXbS-XGI/AAAAAAAAAwk/uhvn7Bdt-qg/s1600-h/tn2_jaime_pressly_2.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp2.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RwVJXbS-XGI/AAAAAAAAAwk/uhvn7Bdt-qg/s400/tn2_jaime_pressly_2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5117577218389597282" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">MOST BONABLE HOTTIE: </span><a href="http://www.jaimepressly.com/">Jaime Pressly</a><br /><br />I can't stand her Goddamn voice. Fortunately, I'm unable to hear her voice when I'm <strike>touching myself to</strike> ponitificating over the hot pictures of her on the internet. Pre-preggers, of course. </div><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Next Week:</span></span> <span style="font-style: italic;">FRIIIIIIIIIIIDAY! You ain't got nothin' to do! You ain't got no job!</span><br /><hr align="left" width="30"><br /><p><script type="text/javascript">digg_skin = 'compact';</script><script src="http://digg.com/tools/diggthis.js" type="text/javascript"></script><span class="ipad_iframe"><script type="text/javascript">var ipad_format="small";</script><br /><script type="text/javascript" src="http://www.indianpad.com/api/ipad_remote.js"><br /></script></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><a href="http://del.icio.us/post" onclick="window.open('http://del.icio.us/post?v=4&noui&jump=close&url='+encodeURIComponent(location.href)+'&title='+encodeURIComponent(document.title), 'delicious','toolbar=no,width=700,height=400'); return false;">Save to del.icio.us</a></span></p><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2545493295726566537-2916365560831601554?l=laminatedlist.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/llfd/~4/W0TKy3-nKtU" height="1" width="1"/>Lord Farcefacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00764275877894234807noreply@blogger.com0http://laminatedlist.blogspot.com/2007/10/hollywood-hates-you-fall-tv-preview.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2545493295726566537.post-12438337702940402692007-10-02T10:09:00.000-04:002007-10-02T10:09:38.499-04:002007-10-02T10:09:38.499-04:00Whutup kids? Been a minute, but I've had a bunch of posts waiting in the just-follow-through-on-them wings, and this is me manning up.<br /><br />Normally when I hit you kids with these <a href="http://laminatedlist.blogspot.com/search/label/Visionary%20Thinking"><span style="font-style: italic;">Visionary Thinking</span></a> posts, it's some <a href="http://laminatedlist.blogspot.com/2007/08/were-slacking-we-know.html">obscure chick</a> you've never heard of (usually <a href="http://laminatedlist.blogspot.com/2007/04/visionary-thinking-44.html">Canadian</a>), on some show <a href="http://laminatedlist.blogspot.com/2007/03/visionary-thinking-328.html">you didn't know existed</a> (also usually <a href="http://laminatedlist.blogspot.com/2007/05/visionary-thinking-beyond-break.html">Canadian</a>). Mostly, they're pretty to look at, sometimes talented and probably not ever going to be heard from again on American soil (unless they're <a href="http://www.epiccarnival.com/2007/07/throwing-knives-tim-donaghys-gambler.html">Supergirl</a> - whutup <a href="http://laminatedlist.blogspot.com/2007/07/tv-dinners-instant-star.html">Laura</a>?) Today, you get an obscure Canadian you might have heard of and I actually think is going to be quite famous. I give you:<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Ellen Page</span></span><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp3.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RwJN4_oUNUI/AAAAAAAAAvs/tbVteg2mex0/s1600-h/EllenPage.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RwJN4_oUNUI/AAAAAAAAAvs/tbVteg2mex0/s400/EllenPage.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5116737768194848066" border="0" /></a><br />The 20-year-old <a href="http://www.askmen.com/women/celeb_profiles_actress/36_ellen_page.html">Page</a> (Keeper alert!) should be recognized by all of <strike>you</strike> us fanboys after playing <a href="http://www.marvel.com/universe/Pryde,_Kitty">Kitty Pryde</a> (Shadowcat) in <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0376994/">X3: The Last Stand</a>. She's earned a bit of critical acclaim for an upcoming movie called "<a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0467406/">Juno</a>," in which she plays a knocked up teen broad. Also, she was once in a film called "<a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0383518/">Mouth to Mouth</a>," and I'd let her resuscitate me any day of the GD week.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp3.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RwJOG_oUNVI/AAAAAAAAAv0/U2alli90mO8/s1600-h/ellenpagecover_story-1.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RwJOG_oUNVI/AAAAAAAAAv0/U2alli90mO8/s400/ellenpagecover_story-1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5116738008713016658" border="0" /></a><br />And just in case you didn't think she was also awesome, she once revealed the following to <a href="http://www.nowtoronto.com/">Now Magazine</a>:<blockquote>"It's juicy, man!" she exclaims. "All these characters, they have balls!<br /><br />"If I read something and it grabs me, I just wanna go for it."</blockquote>She was talking about why she chooses certain roles, but I'm a juicy character with balls, and I'll grab her however she likes it. Ellen Page. Ya heard it here.<br /><hr align="left" width="30"><br /><p><script type="text/javascript">digg_skin = 'compact';</script><script src="http://digg.com/tools/diggthis.js" type="text/javascript"></script><span class="ipad_iframe"><script type="text/javascript">var ipad_format="small";</script><br /><script type="text/javascript" src="http://www.indianpad.com/api/ipad_remote.js"><br /></script></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><a href="http://del.icio.us/post" onclick="window.open('http://del.icio.us/post?v=4&noui&jump=close&url='+encodeURIComponent(location.href)+'&title='+encodeURIComponent(document.title), 'delicious','toolbar=no,width=700,height=400'); return false;">Save to del.icio.us</a></span></p><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2545493295726566537-1243833770294040269?l=laminatedlist.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/llfd/~4/9YDcGadrNA8" height="1" width="1"/>The Brooklyn Boyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12948928776452062001noreply@blogger.com3http://laminatedlist.blogspot.com/2007/10/visionary-thinking.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2545493295726566537.post-70582128822970255862007-09-27T09:38:00.000-04:002007-09-27T09:38:53.592-04:002007-09-27T09:38:53.592-04:00So, my crappy television watching habits have once again turned me to <a href="http://www.blogger.com/vh1.com">VH1's</a> middle-of-the-day rerun filled programming block. And amongst the marathons of <a href="http://www.vh1.com/shows/dyn/the_pick_up_artist/series.jhtml">the most unrealistic show ever</a> and <a href="http://www.vh1.com/shows/dyn/hogan_knows_best_4/series.jhtml?source=globalnav">Hogan Knows Best</a> (which always seems to be on the same episode), someone forgot to flip the channel when VH1 <a href="http://www.vh1.com/shows/dyn/vh1_all_access/124839/episode_about.jhtml">devoted a half hour</a> to askin' Britney Spears where she's at.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B00000G1IL.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B00000G1IL.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />It's hard to think of someone you hear about constantly as a has-been, but when you remember back to junior high, when people actually had a reason (<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baby_One_More_Time">albeit not a very good one</a>) to talk about this person ... you start to pick up that perhaps you're <a href="http://youtube.com/watch?v=oROYsVyST84">gettin too old for this shit</a>, and maybe said celebrity should start thinking the same.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.poster.net/spears-britney/spears-britney-photo-britney-spears-6234449.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://www.poster.net/spears-britney/spears-britney-photo-britney-spears-6234449.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />A long time ago, in a city far, far away there existed a car conversation betwixt my brother and me (<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/My_brother_and_me">good show</a> if you haven't seen it; but I digress) and we were trying to decipher what it was exactly Ms. Spears wanted us to do when asking to be hit one more time. We both came to the logical conclusion- no one gives a shit. She's still hot no matter what's comin' outta her mouth.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B00064AM62.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B00064AM62.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />That, however, was many moons ago. In the time since, we have been offered numerous copycat killers. <a href="http://www.christinaaguilera.com/">Some</a> have gone on to success, while others have gone on to ... umm, <a href="http://www.jessicasimpson.com/">success</a> (GOD, America is full of <a href="http://justleftofnowhere.blogspot.com/2007/09/cleaning-out-my-sim-closet.html">retards who'll buy anything</a>; see: Entry No. 4). Then Britney got married <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Britney_spears#2002.E2.80.932004">one and a half times</a>, brought a coupla new recruits to the trailer park olympics, and got divorced a coupla times.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://scienceblogs.com/purepedantry/upload/2006/07/bshb6.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://scienceblogs.com/purepedantry/upload/2006/07/bshb6.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />Since divorce No. 2, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kevin_Federline">K-Fed</a> has gone from being <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRbNCjDsVs4">joke of the day and flippin burgers</a> to father of the year. Britney, on the other hand, has been in and out of rehab and looks like <a href="http://imdb.com/name/nm0000204/">Natalie Portman</a> in <a href="http://imdb.com/title/tt0434409/">V for Vendetta</a> (word up to <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guy_fawkes">Guy Fawkes</a>, BIATCH!).<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp2.blogger.com/_YdEu3HCDEn8/Rvq24oJkkZI/AAAAAAAAAD0/urHdJSxiAfs/s1600-h/britney+golem.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp2.blogger.com/_YdEu3HCDEn8/Rvq24oJkkZI/AAAAAAAAAD0/urHdJSxiAfs/s320/britney+golem.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5114601410799112594" border="0" /></a><img src="file:///C:/DOCUME%7E1/EVANCO%7E1/LOCALS%7E1/Temp/moz-screenshot-1.jpg" alt="" /><img src="file:///C:/DOCUME%7E1/EVANCO%7E1/LOCALS%7E1/Temp/moz-screenshot.jpg" alt="" /><br />Then some genius of a PR agent decided Britney should show she hasn't gone completely nuts by performing on stage to open <a href="http://vma.mtv.com/">the VMAs</a> (or whatever award show MTV has just had ... clearly, I research). Note to all PR majors lookin' for a career: if your client can't stay in rehab for more than a day, <a href="http://entimg.msn.com/i/gal/Undressed/20060621/BritneySpears_400.jpg">looks like she ate her two children</a>, and her last impressive performance was <a href="http://youtube.com/watch?v=mPfnwfhiOXA">destroying a paparazzi van</a> - it's prolly not a great idea to have <a href="http://youtube.com/watch?v=gTFeOQk3Akc">her comeback</a> broadcast live to millions of viewers.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.celebrity-gossip.net/images/photos/britney-spears-mtv-vma-2007-show.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://www.celebrity-gossip.net/images/photos/britney-spears-mtv-vma-2007-show.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>Needless to say, the result has cemented one fact: Britney is old and washed up. Now this doesn't necessarily stop some people (i.e. <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Madonna_%28entertainer%29">Madonna</a>), but perhaps it should.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/144/325109903_8e5e6323a6.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/144/325109903_8e5e6323a6.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;">Passing the Torch<br /><br /></span></div>Here's to hopin we can ask <span style="font-style: italic;">Where You At?</span> to the rest of the people the media cares about more than we do.<br /><br />PS- Enjoy this video: <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHmvkRoEowc">LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!</a><br /><hr align="left" width="30"><br /><p><script type="text/javascript">digg_skin = 'compact';</script><script src="http://digg.com/tools/diggthis.js" type="text/javascript"></script><span class="ipad_iframe"><script type="text/javascript">var ipad_format="small";</script><br /><script type="text/javascript" src="http://www.indianpad.com/api/ipad_remote.js"><br /></script></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><a href="http://del.icio.us/post" onclick="window.open('http://del.icio.us/post?v=4&noui&jump=close&url='+encodeURIComponent(location.href)+'&title='+encodeURIComponent(document.title), 'delicious','toolbar=no,width=700,height=400'); return false;">Save to del.icio.us</a></span></p><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2545493295726566537-7058212882297025586?l=laminatedlist.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/llfd/~4/4PSD3QhO4j4" height="1" width="1"/>E.C. ouchnoreply@blogger.com3http://laminatedlist.blogspot.com/2007/09/where-you-at_27.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2545493295726566537.post-34994730103188120022007-09-26T11:18:00.000-04:002007-09-26T11:55:28.732-04:002007-09-26T11:55:28.732-04:00<span style="font-style: italic;">At last, our long national nightmare is OVER!! Fall TV is coming back! Thank you, Jesus! Thank you, Moses! Thank you, Mohamm - nah, he probably had nothing to do with this.</span><span style="font-style: italic;"><br /><br /></span><span style="font-style: italic;">Each week, I'll be previewing the lineup for every worthwhile day of TV (eat a dick, Saturday). I'll lay out the best network show, the best cable show, the (probable) worst show, the most promising new show, and - of course - that day's most bonable hottie.</span> Today:<br /><div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:180%;" >Wednesday!</span><br /></div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp3.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/Rvpxj1pEkYI/AAAAAAAAAu0/zFuD373wydU/s1600-h/Lost-season2+mynd3.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/Rvpxj1pEkYI/AAAAAAAAAu0/zFuD373wydU/s400/Lost-season2+mynd3.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5114525187341324674" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">BEST NETWORK SHOW:</span> <a href="http://abc.go.com/primetime/lost/index"><strike>Lost</strike></a> None<br /><br />Unfortunately, <a href="http://abc.go.com/">ABC</a> has decided to infuriate me by keeping Lost off the schedule until Febuary of '08. I understand this decision; the show is running a truncated, 16-episode season this year, so there's no need to put it on there and clutter the schedule with reruns. On the other hand, FUCK YOU. I need my fix, motherfuckers.</div><br /><div>For some unknown reason, though, nine of the 14 network shows on Wednesdays are brand new. The returning five are: <a href="http://www.cbs.com/primetime/criminal_minds/">Criminal Minds</a> (coming back without its <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001597/">star</a>), <a href="http://www.cbs.com/primetime/csi_ny/">CSI:NY</a> (stupid, crappy pap), <a href="http://www.nbc.com/Deal_or_No_Deal/">Deal Or No Deal</a> (now with more SCREAMING, OVER-EXCITED CONTESTANTS WHO GET WAY TOO INTO THIS SHOW, HOWIE!! NO DEAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), <a href="http://www.fox.com/tildeath/">'Til Death</a> (A sitcom about cranky married couples?! What will they think of next!? DERP!), and <a href="http://www.cwtv.com/shows/americas-next-top-model">America's Next Top Model</a> (<span style="font-style: italic;">*Author has anuerysm, vomits out of frustration*</span>). I cannot in good conscience annoint one of these abortions the "best" anything. Until Febuary of '08, consider Wednesday a good day to spend time with loved ones; might I suggest playing a board game with your kids, or perhaps engaging in relations of the intimate nature with your significant other (married couples ONLY)? (<span style="font-style: italic;">Dude - Who are you and what the FUCK did you do with Farceface?--ed.</span>)<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp2.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RvqAzlpEkdI/AAAAAAAAAvc/mj1FVn9mkMw/s1600-h/SouthPark.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp2.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RvqAzlpEkdI/AAAAAAAAAvc/mj1FVn9mkMw/s400/SouthPark.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5114541950598681042" border="0" /></a><br /></div><div></div><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">BEST CABLE SHOW: </span><a href="http://www.southparkstudios.com/">South Park</a></div><br /><div></div>Not even close. South Park is the one of the most intelligent comedies on TV right now and the quick animation time guarantees that their "issue" episodes are relevant. But even when they're not decrying this month's hot-button topic, the show is still uproariously funny.<br /><br /><div></div><div>Plus they had that episode where Paris Hilton shoved a pineapple up her cooter. Come on - that's gold.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RvqAOFpEkaI/AAAAAAAAAvE/1eckdctA_zU/s1600-h/19heff600.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp0.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RvqAOFpEkaI/AAAAAAAAAvE/1eckdctA_zU/s400/19heff600.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5114541306353586594" border="0" /></a><br /></div><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">WORST SHOW (Probably): </span><a href="http://www.fox.com/backtoyou/">Back To You</a></div><br /><div></div><div><a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001288/">Kelsey Grammar</a> = Not funny anymore. <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005004/">Patricia Heaton</a> = Never funny. EVER. Kelsey Grammar + Patricia Heaton + Stale, Idiotic Premise - Anything That Differentiates It From Every Other Crappy, Middling 3 Camera Comedy = SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RvqAbVpEkbI/AAAAAAAAAvM/SniS71yMkkA/s1600-h/24_bionicwoman.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RvqAbVpEkbI/AAAAAAAAAvM/SniS71yMkkA/s400/24_bionicwoman.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5114541533986853298" border="0" /></a></div><br /><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">MOST PROMISING NEW SHOW:</span> <a href="http://www.nbc.com/Bionic_Woman/">Bionic Woman</a></div><br /><span class="ipad_iframe">If anyone can take a crappy, disco-era sci-fi show and breath some life into it, it's David Eick, one of the minds behind Sci-Fi Channel's fan-fucking-tastic <a href="http://www.battlestargalactica.com/">Battlestar Galactica</a> re-imagining. The geeks have long been buzzing about it, irregardless of the many re-shoots (never a good sign) and the fact that one of the showrunners, Glen Morgan, has exited the show before the first episode ever aired (typically an even worse sign than reshoots). Anyway, the show has been re-tooled from its <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0905993/">Lindsay Wagner</a> days to be a little darker and more relevant, so, even with the problems, I'm willing to give Eick the benefit of the doubt.<br /><br /></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp2.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RvqAllpEkcI/AAAAAAAAAvU/t-8jSTOvSNw/s1600-h/kate_walsh300.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp2.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RvqAllpEkcI/AAAAAAAAAvU/t-8jSTOvSNw/s400/kate_walsh300.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5114541710080512450" border="0" /></a><span class="ipad_iframe"><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">MOST BONABLE HOTTIE: </span><a href="http://www.askmen.com/women/actress_300/383_kate_walsh.html">Kate Walsh</a></span><br /><p><span class="ipad_iframe">God, this broad is sexy. Her voice, her body, her eyes ... have you seen her in that <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jkEw1rsBUak">new Cadillac commercial</a>? Where she's like, "When you turn on your car, does it return the favor?" Holy GOD that's awesome. How in fuck's name did that faggot <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001131/">Patrick Dempsey</a> pick <a href="http://image.com.com/tv/images/genie_images/story/EmmysPoll/EllenPompeo.jpg">that skinny bitch</a> over Kate Walsh on <a href="http://abc.go.com/primetime/greysanatomy/index">Grey's Anatomy</a>? And, no, I don't watch that show; I live with my girlfriend, so that every Thursday that shit's on in the backgrond. Get off my nuts.</span></p><span class="ipad_iframe"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Next Week:</span></span> <span style="font-style: italic;">Thursday, son!</span></span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2545493295726566537-3499473010318812002?l=laminatedlist.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/llfd/~4/4KD58ZOKcVk" height="1" width="1"/>Lord Farcefacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00764275877894234807noreply@blogger.com3http://laminatedlist.blogspot.com/2007/09/hollywood-hates-you-fall-tv-preview_26.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2545493295726566537.post-50198950951137502542007-09-21T09:55:00.000-04:002007-09-21T15:45:13.379-04:002007-09-21T15:45:13.379-04:00At last, our long national nightmare is OVER!! Fall TV is coming back! Thank you, Jesus! Thank you, Moses! Thank you, Mohamm - nah, he probably had nothing to do with this.<br /><br /><div><span style="font-style: italic;">Each week, I'll be previewing the lineup for every worthwhile day of TV (eat a dick, Saturday). I'll lay out the best network show, the best cable show, the (probable) worst show, the most promising new show, and - of course - that day's most bonable hottie. </span>Today:<br /></div><br /><div style="font-weight: bold; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:180%;">Tuesday!</span></div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp3.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RvQZ6VpEkQI/AAAAAAAAAt8/SGtiPZOn2w8/s1600-h/HouseLap1.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RvQZ6VpEkQI/AAAAAAAAAt8/SGtiPZOn2w8/s400/HouseLap1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5112739967004872962" border="0" /></a><div> </div><br /><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">BEST NETWORK SHOW: </span><a href="http://www.fox.com/house/">House</a></div><div> </div><br /><div>As a long time <strike>masturbator to</strike> fan of <a href="http://www.mariska.com/">Mariska Hargitay</a>, I really wanted to say <a href="http://www.nbc.com/Law_&amp;_Order:_Special_Victims_Unit/">Law &amp; Order: Special Victims Unit</a>. Unfortunately, I think that show will eventually destroy itself. See, more and more fans are clamoring for <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005221/">Chris Meloni</a> and Hargitay to bone. Now, as the series goes on, ratings are naturally going to dwindle - just like how women get older and their boobs are no longer as, you know ... worthwhile. So, in an effort to lure the fans back, the series will eventually start teasing it and hinting at it until finally, next thing you know, Chris Meloni is nailing Mariska Hargitay on their desk in the squad room while a hapless <a href="http://www.icet.com/">Ice-T</a> and <a href="http://www.nbc.com/Law_&amp;_Order:_Special_Victims_Unit/bios/Richard_Belzer.html">Richard Belzer</a> look on. This is a prototypical example of a how a series can jump the shark.</div><div> </div><br /><div>Instead, I give the top spot to House. It's a very interesting Drama/Comedy/Thriller hybrid (<span style="font-weight: bold;">N.B.</span>-this show is a drama/comedy) that treats the audience to very relevant and always provocative morality plays. And for a show that's been criticized for always relying on formula (note how that the mystery illness is typically identified at or around the 52-minute mark), it has recently attempted to break formula by exiling three of six main cast members to other departments/hospitals (don't worry, they'll be back ... I think).<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RvQaz1pEkRI/AAAAAAAAAuE/FSKIw34GlDA/s1600-h/NipTuck.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RvQaz1pEkRI/AAAAAAAAAuE/FSKIw34GlDA/s400/NipTuck.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5112740954847351058" border="0" /></a><br /></div><div> </div><span style="font-weight: bold;">BEST CABLE SHOW: </span><a href="http://www.fxnetwork.com/shows/originals/niptuck/">Nip/Tuck</a><div> </div><br /><div>Another profound crapfest on cable today. Nip/Tuck has long been a cult favorite, so I'll peg it as the winner (sorry, Lincoln Heights - I don't truck no show on ABC Family that tries to appeal to anyone over the age of 15). The first season of this show was certainly intriguing, but it lost me somewhere along the way. Personally, I can see why people like this show, but I just find it to be almost ... I don't know, nihilistic? But, on the other hand: there are tits. So, hmm ... yep, I've weighed it. Tits win.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RvQbt1pEkUI/AAAAAAAAAuU/V9z5mFrqp6g/s1600-h/large_Cavemen.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RvQbt1pEkUI/AAAAAAAAAuU/V9z5mFrqp6g/s400/large_Cavemen.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5112741951279763778" border="0" /></a></div><div> </div><br /><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">WORST SHOW (PROBABLY): </span><a href="http://abc.go.com/fallpreview/cavemen/index">Cavemen</a></div><div> </div><br /><div>Oh dear Christ, did they make it hard for me to pick. They really did. Do I go with Beauty And The Geek, for dragging its premise out three seasons too long? Do I go with Carpoolers, a show whose central conceit is so mind-numbingly stupid, I might actually vomit? Or do I go with Dancing With The Stars' HOUR-LONG RESULTS SHOW? Are you fucking kidding me with this? An hour? I can do that in 20 seconds: "Hey, what's up everybody. So this week's losers are some bitch and some dude. See you next week!" THAT TAKES A FUCKING HOUR?!?! I want to find the network dipshit who came up with the idea of stretching this crap out for an hour. I'm not happy when networks put shows on that are patently retarded, but I used to take for granted that they were putting in THE EFFORT. Now, they are essentially (and rather brazenly) coming out and saying, "Look, we don't care anymore. We don't want to waste time and money on a show no one's going to watch. So here, here's an hour of filler. Enjoy." This is the television equivalent of pointless busy work.<br /></div><div> </div><br /><div>But I had to go with Cavemen, the show based on a series of Geico commercials. The early reviews have been pretty dismal and, oh yeah, IT'S A SHOW BASED ON FUCKING INSURANCE COMMERCIALS! What, was the AFLAC Duck asking for too much money? Jesus Christ, I need a beer. I'm so enraged right now, I actually need a beer.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RvQcR1pEkVI/AAAAAAAAAuc/ScIvjGVEWcw/s1600-h/url.htm"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RvQcR1pEkVI/AAAAAAAAAuc/ScIvjGVEWcw/s400/url.htm" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5112742569755054418" border="0" /></a></div><div> </div><br /><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">MOST PROMISING NEW SHOW: </span><a href="http://www.cwtv.com/shows/reaper">Reaper</a></div><div> </div><br /><div>It's got a pilot directed by <a href="http://www.silentbobspeaks.com/">Kevin Smith</a> (some of you might know him as the fat dude from <a href="http://www.livefreeordiehard.com/">Die Hard 4</a>), and a pretty funny/fucked up premise: before he was even born, a slacker's parents sold his soul to the devil. As such, said slacker, Sam (<a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0365501/">Bret Harrison</a>, late of FOX's <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0460655/">The Loop</a>), must now serve as Satan's (<a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0936403/">Ray Wise</a>, awesome casting) bounty hunter. Hi-jinx ensue. So, sure, why the fuck not?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp2.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RvQeNFpEkWI/AAAAAAAAAuk/_-h6qptbNrc/s1600-h/Jennifer-Morrison+4.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp2.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RvQeNFpEkWI/AAAAAAAAAuk/_-h6qptbNrc/s400/Jennifer-Morrison+4.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5112744687173931362" border="0" /></a></div><div> </div><br /><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">MOST BONABLE HOTTIE:</span> <strike><a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1335291/">Missy Peregrym</a></strike> <a href="http://www.jennifermorrison.net/">Jennifer Morrison</a></div><div> </div><div><span style="font-style: italic;"></span><blockquote><span style="font-style: italic;">-Paging Dr. Cameron.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">-Dr. Cameron, please report to my pants.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">-Dr. Cameron to my pants, please.</span></blockquote><span style="font-style: italic;"></span></div><div> </div><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Next Week: </span></span><em>A <a href="http://abc.go.com/primetime/lost/index">LOST</a>-less Wednesday, which makes it utterly fucking pointless.</em><br /><hr align="left" width="30"><br /><p><script type="text/javascript">digg_skin = 'compact';</script><script src="http://digg.com/tools/diggthis.js" type="text/javascript"></script><span class="ipad_iframe"><script type="text/javascript">var ipad_format="small";</script><br /><script type="text/javascript" src="http://www.indianpad.com/api/ipad_remote.js"><br /></script></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><a href="http://del.icio.us/post" onclick="window.open('http://del.icio.us/post?v=4&noui&jump=close&url='+encodeURIComponent(location.href)+'&title='+encodeURIComponent(document.title), 'delicious','toolbar=no,width=700,height=400'); return false;">Save to del.icio.us</a></span></p><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2545493295726566537-5019895095113750254?l=laminatedlist.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/llfd/~4/P7bcA1xOnXo" height="1" width="1"/>Lord Farcefacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00764275877894234807noreply@blogger.com0http://laminatedlist.blogspot.com/2007/09/hollywood-hates-you-fall-tv-preview_21.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2545493295726566537.post-68123955255945207402007-09-18T11:50:00.000-04:002007-09-18T12:58:49.563-04:002007-09-18T12:58:49.563-04:00Over this last weekend, I was a little too busy to actually think of a good girl/group of girls to insert into my <a href="http://laminatedlist.blogspot.com/search/label/Where%20You%20At%3F">weekly nostalgic spoogefest of an article</a>. This was because I made the long trip down to <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nyc">the City</a> (and if you don't know where that is, you clearly don't live there) to hit up a once in a lifetime experience ... OK, maybe a coupla times in a lifetime, but that's beside the point.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.visitingdc.com/images/new-york-skyline-picture.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://www.visitingdc.com/images/new-york-skyline-picture.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />For those of you who don't know, <a href="http://www.packers.com/team/players/favre_brett/">Brett Favre</a> <a href="http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/F/FBN_PACKERS_GIANTS?SITE=OHCOL&amp;SECTION=HOME&amp;TEMPLATE=DEFAULT">made history</a> (<a href="http://www.packers.com/history/record_book/individual_records/favre_watch/">yet again</a>) this weekend for winning the most games of any quarterback with a French last name. My dad and I went to the Giants-Packers game to root for opposing teams and hopefully get a good deal outta the event. And with the Pack scoring as many points as times my dad mispronounced "Favre," I think I was able to enjoy myself. My dad, on the other hand, was so exhausted (disappointed) that when he got home he had to go to sleep (cry like a little crybaby).<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.uweb.ucsb.edu/%7Egvk/brett%20favre.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://www.uweb.ucsb.edu/%7Egvk/brett%20favre.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>But along with witnessing greatness in the form of throwing a leather ball, I knew I had a duty to report something back to this ... Gentleman's blog. Luckily, the day before the game I caught a movie I'd probably seen many times before, but I was just never pedophilic enough to realize it's true beauty. That movie of course is <a href="http://imdb.com/title/tt0039628/">Miracle on 34th Street</a>, and the girl this Santa is waiting to put in his lap is little Susan Walker.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:130%;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Natalie_Wood">Natalie Wood</a></span><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.dreamstarlets.com/features/%21bios/natalie_wood22.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://www.dreamstarlets.com/features/%21bios/natalie_wood22.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: left;">First let me make a coupla things clear: Yes, I'm aware she's only nine at the time of filming, and would be turning 70 if she were alive today. And yes I'm aware that the LLFD already has an <a href="http://laminatedlist.blogspot.com/search/label/Sexy%20Dead%20People">column devoted to resurrecting and hittin' on the dead</a>. To the first point- if the LLFD and <a href="http://laminatedlist.blogspot.com/search/label/Visionary%20Thinking">Visionary Thinking</a> had existed in 1947, I would have completely called this one. As per the second point, I owed <a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/00008507385607152374">Queen E</a> an <a href="https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=2545493295726566537&amp;postID=4162819712455358143">article jacking</a>.<br /><br /></div></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.solymar.com.br/html/habbitat/conteudo/imgs/1180638991.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 200px;" src="http://www.solymar.com.br/html/habbitat/conteudo/imgs/1180638991.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />So the little girl in everybody's favorite holiday movie (except for Jews, Muslims, and whoever it is exactly that celebrates Kwanzaa) went on to be quite the beauty. Starrin in a coupla musicals (West Side Story and Gypsy) and bein' just plain sexy would have cemented Ms. Wood on anybody's Laminated List. Apparently, up and coming actor, Christopher Walken, may have taken his list a lil too seriously, and while he was arguing with with her hubby at the time, Wood mysteriously drowned. So Walken's success in his quest for Laminated List success may have led to a jealous murder. But then again, it's a mystery - you decide.<br /><hr align="left" width="30"><br /><p><script type="text/javascript">digg_skin = 'compact';</script><script src="http://digg.com/tools/diggthis.js" type="text/javascript"></script><span class="ipad_iframe"><script type="text/javascript">var ipad_format="small";</script><br /><script type="text/javascript" src="http://www.indianpad.com/api/ipad_remote.js"><br /></script></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><a href="http://del.icio.us/post" onclick="window.open('http://del.icio.us/post?v=4&noui&jump=close&url='+encodeURIComponent(location.href)+'&title='+encodeURIComponent(document.title), 'delicious','toolbar=no,width=700,height=400'); return false;">Save to del.icio.us</a></span></p><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2545493295726566537-6812395525594520740?l=laminatedlist.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/llfd/~4/qbLkante6cE" height="1" width="1"/>E.C. ouchnoreply@blogger.com3http://laminatedlist.blogspot.com/2007/09/where-you-at_18.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2545493295726566537.post-63097773818845247112007-09-13T09:52:00.000-04:002007-09-13T10:53:14.790-04:002007-09-13T10:53:14.790-04:00At last, our long national nightmare is OVER!! Fall TV is coming back! Thank you, Jesus! Thank you, Moses! Thank you, Mohamm - nah, he probably had nothing to do with this.<br /><div>Each week, I'll be previewing the lineup for every worthwhile day of TV (eat a dick, Saturday). I'll lay out the best network show, the best cable show, the (probable) worst show, the most promising new show, and - of course - that day's most bonable hottie. Today:<span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /></span><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:180%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Monday!</span></span></div></div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp2.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RulI7EbjrlI/AAAAAAAAAtI/TUb6n_GfhJo/s1600-h/panettiere-1.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp2.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RulI7EbjrlI/AAAAAAAAAtI/TUb6n_GfhJo/s400/panettiere-1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5109695431867346514" border="0" /></a><br /><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">BEST NETWORK SHOW: </span><a href="http://www.nbc.com/Heroes/">Heroes</a></div><div></div><br /><div>Can't fight this one. Even if the season finale was shit in a hat (<span style="font-weight: bold;">N.B.</span> - It was. Don't argue this point: It was fucking retarded), Heroes still stands head and shoulders above its competition. This season looks promising because it offers more heroes, more villains, more dead main-characters, and, oh yes, more <a href="http://www.myspace.com/haydenpanettiere">Hayden Panettiere</a>. Sweet.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp3.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RulK1UbjrmI/AAAAAAAAAtQ/9YL8aff34Hs/s1600-h/Cable_TV_Advisory_Commission.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RulK1UbjrmI/AAAAAAAAAtQ/9YL8aff34Hs/s400/Cable_TV_Advisory_Commission.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5109697532106354274" border="0" /></a><br /></div><span style="font-weight: bold;">BEST CABLE SHOW: </span>None<br /><br /><div>They all look like shit. A Salt & Pepa <a href="http://www.vh1.com/shows/dyn/the_salt_n_pepa_show/series.jhtml">reunion show</a>? <a href="http://www.vh1.com/shows/dyn/i_love_new_york/series.jhtml">I Love New York 2</a>? I'd rather fucking drink bleach. I used to think MTV was responsible for the destruction of popular culture, but holy shit, VH1 certainly is bringing its A-Game. It's like they're having a contest: first channel to air a show about raping corpses wins $1,000. Fuckers.</div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RulLJ0bjrnI/AAAAAAAAAtY/tFot1xT05fs/s1600-h/dwts-group-logo-s2.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RulLJ0bjrnI/AAAAAAAAAtY/tFot1xT05fs/s400/dwts-group-logo-s2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5109697884293672562" border="0" /></a><div></div><br /><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">WORST SHOW (PROBABLY): </span>This is a tough one, especially given the stiff competition that cable is offering for this day. I'm going to have to go with <a href="http://abc.go.com/primetime/dancingwiththestars/index">Dancing With The Stars</a>, though.<br /><br />Yes, some of the female dancers <a href="http://www.buddytv.com/articles/dancing-with-the-stars/images/kelly-monaco.jpg">are</a> <a href="http://www.healthylivingnyc.com/includes/resize_article_photo.php?articleid=251">hot</a>. But you know what? This show is utterly retarded, because at the end of the day, do I really fucking care if <a href="http://www.blogmaverick.com/">Mark Cuban</a> can dance or not? Does anyone? And if you answered "yes," or "no, but it's fun to watch" to the above question, do me a favor. Go to your sink and grab some household cleaners, ok? Mix up some bleach with a little amonia in the sink, ok? Then inhale deeply. Really deeply. Then, for shits and giggles, shoot yourself in the fucking face.</div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RulMYkbjroI/AAAAAAAAAtg/YZ-eHRLcCZ4/s1600-h/0000040618_20070620153627.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp0.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RulMYkbjroI/AAAAAAAAAtg/YZ-eHRLcCZ4/s400/0000040618_20070620153627.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5109699237208370818" border="0" /></a><div></div><br /><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">MOST PROMISING NEW SHOW:</span> <a href="http://www.nbc.com/Journeyman/">Journeyman</a></div><br />Journeyman looks a little Quantum Leap-esque, which I definitely consider a plus. The central conceit is interesting enough (guy goes on trips back in time and changes history), PLUS it's got kick-ass actors Reed Diamond (<a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106028/">Homicide: Life On The Street</a>, the single best show to ever air on network TV) and Kevin McKidd (Lucius Vorenus from <a href="http://www.hbo.com/rome/">Rome</a>). I'll take it.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RulNl0bjrpI/AAAAAAAAAto/lBuSHl8j430/s1600-h/Moon.Bloodgood-04.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_tjYM4gFa-WM/RulNl0bjrpI/AAAAAAAAAto/lBuSHl8j430/s400/Moon.Bloodgood-04.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5109700564353265298" border="0" /></a><br /><div></div><div><span style="font-weight: bold;">MOST BONABLE HOTTIE:</span> <a href="http://imdb.com/name/nm1291227/">Moon Bloodgood</a></div><br /><div>First of all, this chick deserves consideration because of her name alone. Moon Bloodgood? There are NFL Linebackers with names less stupid than this. But whatever. Moon (or is it Ms. Bloodgood?) is late of <a href="http://imdb.com/title/tt0801425/">Daybreak</a> and one of her first credits is as "Stripper." (<span style="font-style: italic;"><a href="http://imdb.com/title/tt0247082/">CSI</a>, 2003--ed.</span>) She's also a smokin' hot half-Asian, which is a definite plus (Asian girls + freckles = awesome). Works for me.</div><br /><span style="font-size:130%;">Next Week:</span> <span style="font-style: italic;">Tuesday, you fucking idiots.</span><br /><hr align="left" width="30"><br /><p><script type="text/javascript">digg_skin = 'compact';</script><script src="http://digg.com/tools/diggthis.js" type="text/javascript"></script><span class="ipad_iframe"><script type="text/javascript">var ipad_format="small";</script><br /><script type="text/javascript" src="http://www.indianpad.com/api/ipad_remote.js"><br /></script></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><a href="http://del.icio.us/post" onclick="window.open('http://del.icio.us/post?v=4&noui&jump=close&url='+encodeURIComponent(location.href)+'&title='+encodeURIComponent(document.title), 'delicious','toolbar=no,width=700,height=400'); return false;">Save to del.icio.us</a></span></p><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2545493295726566537-6309777381884524711?l=laminatedlist.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/llfd/~4/TQVoYjxAaa8" height="1" width="1"/>Lord Farcefacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00764275877894234807noreply@blogger.com0http://laminatedlist.blogspot.com/2007/09/hollywood-hates-you-fall-tv-preview.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2545493295726566537.post-87550959883438777712007-09-11T09:21:00.000-04:002007-09-11T13:42:40.843-04:002007-09-11T13:42:40.843-04:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.candacecameronbure.net/pics/agencya3.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 200px;" src="http://www.candacecameronbure.net/pics/agencya3.gif" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />So I was doin my standard lazy day routine and flippin' thru channels with my roommate, searching for somethin' at least slightly entertaining to watch and tide us over 'til our classes, when I came to something completely unexpected! We were stuck on some <a href="http://www.vh1.com/">VH1</a> former child-stars countdown when I saw a face I couldn't quite place given the commentary. Lo and behold, it was <a href="http://www.candacecameronbure.net/">Candace Cameron-Bure</a>, a/k/a DJ Tanner... and she was FUCKING HOT! (<span style="font-style: italic;">See above.--ed.</span>)<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/4/43/Full_House_Title_Screen.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/4/43/Full_House_Title_Screen.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />So this leads me to that <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hand_rankings#Full_house">Full House</a> of 3 Queens and 2 Aces. Of course, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary-Kate_and_Ashley_Olsen">the latter</a> have gone on to mega stardom as ... no, waitaminute ... what exactly have they done? I think they were in that one movie ... shit, what's its name? Whatever, they're famous for some reason. And to some it's because they're hot ... except for that one. I think its Mary-Kate ... no, no, Ashley... wait, aren't they twins? (<span style="font-style: italic;">In order: Lots of direct-to-video; <a href="http://newyorkminutemovie.warnerbros.com/">New York Minute</a>; Ashley's <a href="http://img2.timeinc.net/people/i/2006/celebdatabase/marykateashleyolsen/ashley_olsen1_300_400.jpg">the</a> <a href="http://eur.i1.yimg.com/eur.yimg.com/xp/premiere_photo/20050906/03/2997350448.jpg">hot</a> <a href="http://cdn.maximonline.com/uploadedCmsFiles/Slides/37_ashley_olsen_2980.jpg">one</a>; fraternal twins.</span>) In any case there were three other ladies on that show, and I think it's their time to shine!<br /><a href="http://www.candacecameronbure.net/"><br /></a><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.candacecameronbure.net/"><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" >Candace Cameron-Bure</span></a><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_YdEu3HCDEn8/RubTb63mBgI/AAAAAAAAADs/H58D2YFdu_A/s1600-h/aim.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_YdEu3HCDEn8/RubTb63mBgI/AAAAAAAAADs/H58D2YFdu_A/s320/aim.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5109003303910770178" border="0" /></a><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Besides being the impetus for this article, Bure is most well known for being the eldest Tanner daughter, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/D.J._Tanner">DJ</a> ... and for being <a href="http://imdb.com/name/nm0131647/">Kirk Cameron's</a> sister. Since her time in the House, she has unfortunately been tied down to <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valeri_Bure">some guy</a> who is probably a famous hockey player, but I wouldn't know because I'm American and only care about good sports. As a result, I wouldn't recommend havin' her on your list unless you are experienced in fighting on ice. Also - just possibly a drawback in draftability - might be her turn toward the Evangelical. She's a regular contributer to <a href="http://www.christianwomenonline.net/candidcandace.html">Christian Women Online</a> and supports homeschooling. Unless you've got a halo around your cock, you probably won't be getting near this one.<br /><br />P.S. if you do have a halo around your cock, please call a doctor.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0842332/"></a><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" ><a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0842332/"><span>Jodie Sweetin</span></a></span><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_YdEu3HCDEn8/RuWUQK3mBfI/AAAAAAAAADk/S3eFGhjuG4g/s1600-h/blk.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_YdEu3HCDEn8/RuWUQK3mBfI/AAAAAAAAADk/S3eFGhjuG4g/s400/blk.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5108652357838046706" border="0" /></a><br />Now, I must ask you not to confuse this young lady with <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lindsay_lohan">Lindsay Lohan</a>. I know it can be confusing - they've both had their child star years and went on to phases of drug addiction, but only one actually completed their rehab program. Little <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stephanie_Tanner">Stephanie Tanner</a> moved on in life to get married and battle a two-year addiction to crystal meth. Her hubby dropped her meth-head ass and she managed to kick the habit. Now she's ready to go back into acting. Recently she got hitched again, but that doesn't mean you can't be the reason the second marriage doesn't work.<br /><br />Downgrades: Meth rotted away five of her teeth.<br />Upgrades: <a href="http://www.methfreefl.org/images/meth_mouth3.jpg">Meth-head head is always less abrasive</a>.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:130%;"><a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0521753/"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lori Loughlin</span></a></span><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.buddytv.com/articles/In-Case-Of-Emergency/images/lori-loughlin-4.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 200px;" src="http://www.buddytv.com/articles/In-Case-Of-Emergency/images/lori-loughlin-4.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /></div>Anyone who thought the third girl on the show I was referring to would be <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kimmy_Gibbler">Kimmy Gibbler</a>, you've been hangin around Steph's addict ass too long. The moment <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jesse_Katsopolis">Uncle Jesse</a> moved <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rebecca_Donaldson-Katsopolis">this lady</a> into the house, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Puberty">my balls dropped and I had my first wet dream</a>. And this Plus-37 MILF has stayed in the game, creating and acting in the canceled <a href="http://imdb.com/title/tt0400037/">Summerland</a>. I've really got nuttin' to say about this one other than ... wow. She was a MILF when I met her and almost 20 years later, she has maintained all her MILF-ly glory.<br /></div><br />La-la-la-laaaaa Everywhere you look!<br /></div></div></div><hr align="left" width="30"><br /><p><script type="text/javascript">digg_skin = 'compact';</script><script src="http://digg.com/tools/diggthis.js" type="text/javascript"></script><span class="ipad_iframe"><script type="text/javascript">var ipad_format="small";</script><br /><script type="text/javascript" src="http://www.indianpad.com/api/ipad_remote.js"><br /></script></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><a href="http://del.icio.us/post" onclick="window.open('http://del.icio.us/post?v=4&noui&jump=close&url='+encodeURIComponent(location.href)+'&title='+encodeURIComponent(document.title), 'delicious','toolbar=no,width=700,height=400'); return false;">Save to del.icio.us</a></span></p><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2545493295726566537-8755095988343877771?l=laminatedlist.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/llfd/~4/Of8C_3sKbJw" height="1" width="1"/>E.C. ouchnoreply@blogger.com1http://laminatedlist.blogspot.com/2007/09/where-you-at.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2545493295726566537.post-54846368444117940722007-09-04T10:00:00.000-04:002007-09-10T02:30:57.192-04:002007-09-10T02:30:57.192-04:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_YdEu3HCDEn8/RtxRga3mBVI/AAAAAAAAACU/_z2XelkJ3uY/s1600-h/aim.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 499px; height: 249px;" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_YdEu3HCDEn8/RtxRga3mBVI/AAAAAAAAACU/_z2XelkJ3uY/s320/aim.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5106045694941463890" border="0" /></a>So, I know the question on EVERYONE’S mind is clearly “Where on Earth is The Loveseat?” Let me take this brief moment to save you the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carmen_Sandiego">Carmen Sandiego</a>-style guessing games (which are impossible without that damned desk encyclopedia they give you) and fill you in.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp2.blogger.com/_YdEu3HCDEn8/Rtx8pq3mBbI/AAAAAAAAADE/1MA6Pv_Sd2k/s1600-h/untitled.bmp"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp2.blogger.com/_YdEu3HCDEn8/Rtx8pq3mBbI/AAAAAAAAADE/1MA6Pv_Sd2k/s320/untitled.bmp" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5106093132855248306" border="0" /></a>Where on Earth is indeed the proper question, because for about one month I was on the other side of it, livin' up the dream of our good friend <a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/17568818282762871664">The Minority Reporter</a>. Being one who never found the Asian persuasion particularly compelling, I must say, <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">America</st1:place></st1:country-region> has been duped! My first stop, <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Singapore</st1:place></st1:country-region>, lifted this huge veil from my eyes. Almost immediately, there they were- big tits, nice butts, and cute faces. “Could this be a dream?” I asked myself. But there it was, plain as day, the typical Asian profile lost in a sea of dimes floating around the streets of <st1:place st="on"><st1:country-region st="on">Singapore</st1:country-region></st1:place>. <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">But this blog isn’t devoted to those everyday folk that make up our reality! This is for the celebrities we ogle from afar (or if you know my mom or uncle - <a href="http://imdb.com/name/nm0000701/">possibly in the comfort of your living room</a>, but more on that another time <span style="font-style: italic;">I'm still mad they didn't tell me about that until after. I totally would've come back from Carolina.--ed.</span>) So let me bring you some of the South Asian beauties I came across in the land of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sao_Feng">pirates</a> and <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Merlion">merlions</a>. Keep in mind that this nation is a cultural hub like NYC (except smaller) so basically you get the best of the best from all the nations in <st1:place st="on">South Asia</st1:place>.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><!--[if gte vml 1]><v:shapetype id="_x0000_t75" coordsize="21600,21600" spt="75" preferrelative="t" path="m@4@5l@4@11@9@11@9@5xe" filled="f" stroked="f"> <v:stroke joinstyle="miter"> <v:formulas> <v:f eqn="if lineDrawn pixelLineWidth 0"> <v:f eqn="sum @0 1 0"> <v:f eqn="sum 0 0 @1"> <v:f eqn="prod @2 1 2"> <v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelWidth"> <v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelHeight"> <v:f eqn="sum @0 0 1"> <v:f eqn="prod @6 1 2"> <v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelWidth"> <v:f eqn="sum @8 21600 0"> <v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelHeight"> <v:f eqn="sum @10 21600 0"> </v:formulas> <v:path extrusionok="f" gradientshapeok="t" connecttype="rect"> <o:lock ext="edit" aspectratio="t"> </v:shapetype><v:shape id="_x0000_i1025" type="#_x0000_t75" style="'width:156.75pt;"> <v:imagedata src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\EVANCO~1\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtml1\01\clip_image001.png" title=""> </v:shape><![endif]--><!--[if !vml]--><!--[endif]--></p> <p style="text-align: center;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;"><a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://www.fashionmodeldirectory.com/models/rebecca_tan/">Rebecca Tan</a></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://images.fashionmodeldirectory.com/model/000000055715-rebecca_tan-fit.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 288px; height: 369px;" src="http://images.fashionmodeldirectory.com/model/000000055715-rebecca_tan-fit.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a></p> <p class="MsoNormal">OK, OK, this girl doesn’t stray far from our usual stereotype of the sideways genitalia group (<span style="font-style: italic;">For the record, that is the most convoluted vaginal reference I have ever seen</span>), but after catching her in the August 2007 <a href="http://www.maximonline.sg/"><st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Singapore</st1:place></st1:country-region> Maxim</a> she grabbed my attention (and I grabbed something else). This is <st1:place st="on"><st1:country-region st="on">Singapore</st1:country-region></st1:place>’s rising supermodel, with a mix of Chinese and Australian. I wouldn’t mind givin' her a little American to boot.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><!--[if gte vml 1]><v:shape id="_x0000_i1026" type="#_x0000_t75" style="'width:171.75pt;height:243pt'"> <v:imagedata src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\EVANCO~1\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtml1\01\clip_image003.png" title=""> </v:shape><![endif]--><!--[if !vml]--><!--[endif]--></p> <p style="text-align: center;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;"><a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://www.idolworld.com/actress/marsha/index.html">Marsha Wattanapanich</a></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.idolworld.com/actress/marsha/marsha20l.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://www.idolworld.com/actress/marsha/marsha20l.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a></p> <p style="text-align: left;" class="MsoNormal">Having just turned 37 August 24^th, Marsha has earned her third LLFD-eligible category. Already a successful pop singer in <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Th</st1:place></st1:country-region><st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">ailand</st1:place></st1:country-region>, she’s moved to acting as well, which is where I caught this half German, half Thai gem. Keep an eye out for the movie <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alone_%282007_film%29">Alone</a> which Wikipedia claims is on its way to <st1:place st="on"><st1:country-region st="on">America</st1:country-region></st1:place>.</p> <div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:130%;"><a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://www.lara-dutta.net/">Lara Dutta</a><span style="font-weight: bold;"> & </span><a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://www.katrina-kaif.info/">Katrina Kaif</a></span><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_YdEu3HCDEn8/Rtx_M63mBdI/AAAAAAAAADU/5LGijt0MUlc/s400/aim.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5106095937468892626" border="0" /><br /></div><p class="MsoNormal">This duo is straight outta <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bollywood">Bollywood</a> as the female leads in the Indian rip-off of <a href="http://imdb.com/title/tt0386588/">Hitch</a> - <a href="http://imdb.com/title/tt0807758/">Partner</a>. Now this movie may have completely been everything I expected from an over-the-top, nonsensical, musical knock-off of Hitch, but at least with Dutta playing <a href="http://imdb.com/name/nm0578949/">Eva Mendes</a>, and Kaif as <a href="http://imdb.com/name/nm0005520/">Amber Valletta</a>, there was something to look at. Oh, and did I mention that Ms. Dutta was <a href="http://www.missuniverse.com/">Miss Universe</a> in 2000? <!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--> <!--[endif]--></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Here’s where I <i style="">would</i> say “Now on to the next leg of the trip,” but that leg was the <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Philippines</st1:place></st1:country-region>. And although the Philippines is full of the most beautiful women you will ever encounter in your god-given life, I didn’t really have access to any local celebrities (although I did see a <a href="http://imdb.com/title/tt0445935/">movie</a> with <a href="http://imdb.com/name/nm0000182/">J-Lo</a>, who I maintain is still pretty damn hot. <span style="font-style: italic;">Agreed.</span>) So as not to leave you with nothing, here’s one of the Philippines' many beautiful beaches (though I don’t know what category it’s eligible for):</p><p class="MsoNormal"> <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_YdEu3HCDEn8/RtxY9a3mBaI/AAAAAAAAAC8/ODA8IXf4H5A/s1600-h/DSC00336.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 382px; height: 214px;" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_YdEu3HCDEn8/RtxY9a3mBaI/AAAAAAAAAC8/ODA8IXf4H5A/s320/DSC00336.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5106053889739064738" border="0" /></a>Happy Drafting!</p> <hr align="left" width="30"><br /><p><script type="text/javascript">digg_skin = 'compact';</script><script src="http://digg.com/tools/diggthis.js" type="text/javascript"></script><span class="ipad_iframe"><script type="text/javascript">var ipad_format="small";</script><br /><script type="text/javascript" src="http://www.indianpad.com/api/ipad_remote.js"><br /></script></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><a href="http://del.icio.us/post" onclick="window.open('http://del.icio.us/post?v=4&noui&jump=close&url='+encodeURIComponent(location.href)+'&title='+encodeURIComponent(document.title), 'delicious','toolbar=no,width=700,height=400'); return false;">Save to del.icio.us</a></span></p><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2545493295726566537-5484636844411794072?l=laminatedlist.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/llfd/~4/9HoVoOk-8h4" height="1" width="1"/>E.C. ouchnoreply@blogger.com2http://laminatedlist.blogspot.com/2007/09/where-you-at-no-really-loveseat-where.html