lndsy with an A

the unknown.

2013-05-07T22:04:00.000-06:00

Lately I haven't had much to write about, here. I worked not one but two excellent events. I wrote for Paralympic.org (a volunteer gig I have). I have spent lots of time with my friends. You know. Real life things.

But lately I've been thinking about all of the things happening around me and I thought I'd write it down and get it out. Maybe somebody else feels the same way. Because you know, being an adult is hard and nobody really talks about that. You just kind of have to put your head down and keep going. Not that it's a bad thing, to do that, but I want to hear more about how it's hard. It can't be just me.

I don't mean to say this like it's oh-so-hard, woe-is-me or something. I'm experiencing typical adult things. You know, trying to figure out what I want to do. Should I stay in my apartment or should I move elsewhere? What should I be doing with my life? Where should I be? Why is money so awful? These things are all unknown. And while the unknown can be thrilling, it can also be obnoxious. There's no one to tell you what to do or what is the best option; you have to figure it out yourself.

Yeah, right.

Does it get any easier? Maybe. If you have goals and a clear idea of what you want, it's probably easier to go after it. But then, I have goals and a million ideas of places I want to go and I still am not sure what the right direction is for me. There are all kind of possibilities, opportunities, and some will come to fruition and some will fizzle out. No matter what happens, you're learning and growing and becoming stronger, so the next time something weird or unknown happens, you can face it a little better. You're all grown up after all.

And still, I feel like this quote from author Eleanor Brown sums up how I feel most days:

“What I mean is, I still feel like me. It's not like I wake up and think, I am a responsible adult. I just look in the mirror and see myself. The same stupid person I've been looking at for years.”

27.

2013-04-07T23:02:00.000-06:00

I haven't had much to say lately but today I have things to say because it is my birthday. I mean, it's technically my birthday even though it's only 10:38 p.m. on the day before my birthday in Colorado. I was born in Michigan so my birthday starts there.

Anyway.

26 was a good year, mostly. I traveled a lot, and I went to London for the Paralympic Games (which was amazing and life changing in the best way possible) and I went to New Zealand and Australia. And I was in Australia for three whole days all by myself, which sounds a little wild and crazy but it was such a great idea. I would do it again in an instant.

I bought a lot of books and read a lot of books and watched some good movies and had zero cable in my apartment all year. I barely ran (at least in my opinion) and I honestly am okay with that. I made some wonderful new friends and appreciated the time and love from my old friends. I started my master's degree and am on my third class now and am still enjoying the opportunities to learn. And even if it's weird to say, I kept learning about myself, too, and I think while I still have things I could work on, I am what I consider a better version of who I might have been in the past. Good year, 26.

But 26 had some hard stuff, too. Mostly the Waldo Canyon Fire and losing our family dog Benny and the discovery of my mom's cancer. These are hard for different reasons, but they were part of 26. Challenges.

The thing is, if you can look back on a whole year of your life and your hardest moments were when you were facing the kinds of challenges you wouldn't wish on anyone, I guess it really was a good year, overall. And even though the challenges (for lack of a better word) were awful, they are the kinds of situations that make you better. Which kind of goes along with what I just said about being a better me.

Which is funny, I think, because last year for my birthday I made a list of things I wanted to do and one of them was exactly that:

Be better. Smile more. Be a better friend. Be smarter. Be caring. Be someone that people respect and want to emulate, just because you're you and they like you for it. (That sounds kind of Mister Rogers but I don't care.)

I don't know what 27 has in store. Last year at this time, I had a stronger sense of where I was headed, and if I were to look out on the horizon of 27, I can honestly say I have no idea. But maybe that's a good thing, right? You're not always going to know what you're going to be doing or where you're going with life and it's really supposed to be that way. Personally the unknown drives me crazy (I'm a planner, you see) but I'm going to make the most of it, and make 27 the next best year ever.

Hope to see you along the way.

choices.

2013-03-11T22:17:00.000-06:00

There was a great interview today on NPR with Sheryl Sandberg, the Chief Operating Officer of Facebook. She's talking about her new book (called "Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead") and women in the workplace. I highly recommend listening to the interview, but if you don't want to take 8 minutes to do so, here is a part that stands out to me:

"'I don't believe that everyone should make the same choices — that everyone has to want to be a CEO or everyone should want to be a work-at-home mother,' Sandberg responds. 'I want everyone to be able to choose, but I want us to be able to choose unencumbered by gender choosing for us. I have a 7-year-old son and a 5-year-old daughter. Success for me is that if my son chooses to be a stay-at-home parent, he is cheered on for that decision. And if my daughter chooses to work outside the home and is successful, she is cheered on and supported.'"

I think this is a point we often overlook as a society, and I wonder why. There's a big world out there, and so many choices, and I wonder why in 2013 there are still limiters on what we think we can or know we can do. To me, equality is important. I don't care who you are or where you came from, if you work hard, you should have the same opportunities afforded to others who work hard, if you want them.

In the case of Sheryl Sandberg, she's taken a lot of heat because of her stance on women in the workplace. She obviously has two children, and she chooses to spend quite a bit of her time working. She wants to be in a high level position, and those require time. More recently, as it relates to her book, many are up in arms about Sandberg's approach. I haven't read the book (yet), but I think those who are upset with her are missing the point. She's not saying you have to work lots of hours or fit a certain professional profile. To me, she's saying what I already think: you should have those choices if you want them.

You've also probably heard of Marissa Mayer, the CEO of Yahoo!, who has also recently come under fire for her decision to end telecommuting at her company. At first, I was appalled. Why would she want to do such a thing? Isn't that a step back? Then I read this article which explained that Mayer had good reason for making the decision - basically, people didn't seem to be working from home after all. With those kinds of facts, how do you continue a process that clearly isn't working? Now it makes more sense, and I don't think she's making a statement for all companies, except to say, "If your employees aren't working, you've got to change something."

These two women are in incredible positions of power in their workplaces, and they are making choices they feel are best for their employees. Maybe some don't agree with their lifestyles, but I guess that's the beauty of it - does it matter? These women have families. They are doing what they want to do with their lives. Some women are stay-at-home moms. Some women work part-time. Some women want to climb the corporate ladder. The thing is, whatever a woman decides as it relates to her personal and professional life, it should be up to her (and her family, if she has one) to decide.

We've got to stop tearing women down for their choices. You don't always have to agree with what someone else is doing with his or her life. I think part of this can relate to the fact that I've been on a body image kick lately, but I think it applies to all of life, and all genders and sexualities and religions and belief systems. I mean, even Queen Elizabeth is behind equal rights.

The more I think about it, the more I think Sandberg and Mayer are setting an incredible example for women who have dreams to "have it all." Maybe you can't really have it all. When I say incredible, I mean that they are showing women that they don't have to be limited to some belief of what society thinks they should be doing. Men have families and work monstrous hours in some careers - what's stopping a woman from doing the same?

I don't know where I see myself in 10 years from now, professionally or personally, but I know things I hope to have in my life. Will I "have it all"? Will I even want that? It's doubtful - I'm a bigger proponent of balance, something I think Sandberg and Mayer might be lacking despite my admiration for their determination. Right now I know I have had some incredible opportunities and I hope to have more. If you're happy and satisfied with the way you're living your life, that is what matters. If it works for you and your family, excellent. If someone you don't know doesn't like it, I'm not sure that should be an issue.

What do you think of the stances taken by Sandberg and Mayer?

rocky road.

2013-03-08T18:51:00.000-07:00

In case you were wondering, running and I still have an on-again, off-again relationship.

Sometimes I know I should go run because it should make me feel good and it's supposed to be good for me and I'm signed up for these races. Sometimes I go running and it feels great and I want to do a little dance and keep running. Sometimes running just feels gross and it hurts. Not a good, push-through-it hurt.

And then I get mad.

I am going to keep trying to be better at foam rolling and yoga and swimming (especially swimming because it never makes me feel gross and sad). I'm going to keep trying to run but I'm going to stop comparing myself to other people or past versions of myself and remember that there is only me, and my body, and this one day. One day at a time. And it doesn't matter if I turn off my watch and have to walk home, or if I end up running more than I planned. And it doesn't matter if I immediately come home and ice my legs with a bag of frozen edamame. And it doesn't matter what other people say and do because I'm going to do what's best for me and not let what other people say get me down. And if I run slow it's okay, and if I can't get as deep into a yoga pose it's okay, and if I am swimming a little slower than I'd like to right now it's okay.

The point is, sometimes I am going to have bad runs. My legs will hurt and I will want to throw my watch on the ground. But there will be better runs ahead, and I'm going to keep trying.

That's really all I can do.

the pet commitment.

2013-03-03T17:08:00.001-07:00

Two puppies, both part of the family Christmas card.

A while back, I shared how much I will miss my good friend Benny, a dog who was part of my family for the past 10 years or so. I truly believe he was part of our family, just like the other pets we've had at various points in my life so far (dogs, cats, fish). Knowing this, I'd say it's fair to say that I do not understand when someone mistreats a pet, just like I don't understand how someone could mistreat a human member of their family.

So today, I had an experience I wanted to share because it makes me so sad, and it's a good reminder of the commitment it takes to bring a pet into your house and your family.

I met a neighbor today, because she asked me to grab her phone from her car while she held her dog on a leash. I could see that the dog was not particularly happy, but not because of the neighbor. I want to make it clear that I don't fault the neighbor so much for trying to bring the dog home. She went to the local Humane Society and loved this little dog and wanted to give her a good home. That part I understand and respect.

As we talked, she told me that the dog had been found at a farm or house (doesn't really matter which) in Montana where a man had been keeping 160 dogs just like her. Obviously these dogs were mistreated, which made this particular dog scared and on-edge. She was jumpy, and loud noises and quick movements frightened her. So that in itself is so terribly sad, because how could a person be so cruel that the animal just can't function normally?

I spent an over an hour outside with my neighbor, keeping her company while she waited for a friend. The dog didn't want to go up the stairs, she kept tugging on her leash, and eventually she chewed right through it. Fortunately the neighbor was able to keep her still long enough to get the leash back on, but it was a struggle.

I wanted to share this because it is awful to see such a nice dog unable to function because of how she was treated in her young life. I wanted to share this because I wanted to remind people that dogs (and cats and other pets) are not there for you to abuse or mistreat. And I wanted to remind people that you should be absolutely ready for a dog before you bring one home. Like I said, I don't fault my neighbor. She wanted to give a dog a home, and thought she was doing something good for this one. But in the hour-plus that we spent outside and she was unable to get the dog up the stairs, she realized this was not going to work. Which made me feel sad for her and for the dog. What could even be done here? By the time she got the dog upstairs, what would happen when she needed to take the dog out? Maybe another dog who needed a home could have worked, I don't know. I'm not here to speculate on this particular situation.

Before you decide to bring a dog (or another pet) into your home and your family, whether it's from the Humane Society or from another source, you're still helping to give that animal a happy, healthy home. A pet is not a toy; they require food and exercise and love. I won't say they're exactly like people... but in a way they kind of are. They require a commitment and the decision to add a pet to your family should not be taken lightly.

touch the wall.

2013-02-24T16:05:00.001-07:00

Because it's snowy and cold outside in Colorado today, I figured it would be a great day to stay inside and get some things done around my apartment (like that laundry I've been avoiding or baking these "muffins"). Part of my "getting things done" means hanging out on the internet, which led me to see this project called "Touch the Wall."

Before I tell you why this looks like an awesome project, check out the video:

I think if you are a fan of swimming (and maybe even if you're not), you might already realize that this movie could really capture the Olympic journey for two American swimmers who qualified for London.

When I was growing up, swimming was what sparked my love of the Olympic Games and sport in general. I was no good at soccer (I got made fun of as a 9-year-old for being a slow runner - true story), and when I started swimming, it was something I genuinely loved and was good at. It was swimming that really set my on the path I have been on, so to see a documentary like this featuring athletes I respect is something I can put my support behind. Plus, I remember being in awe over Kara Lynn Joyce's times when she was a high school swimmer in Michigan.

On a broad note, swimming is something many kids should learn, even if they don't continue on to a competitive team. It's an important skill for a person to have. USA Swimming has recognized this through the Make a Splash program, which they call "a national child-focused water safety initiative which aims to provide the opportunity for every child in America to learn to swim."

More specifically, this video shows two young women who are strong, successful athletes. I think this could be something that sparks many other young girls to get into the pool and get started in swimming. Even if it's not swimming, it might inspire someone who is just getting started in a sport or activity to pursue it further. It will show everyone the possibilities that are out there if you focus, work hard and have a dream.

I became a backer, and I hope more people make a pledge to help this project reach its goal. I think there are a lot of resources out there for sport, but many of them are focused on the "big 4" - football, basketball, baseball, hockey. This is another way to get an Olympic sport into a mainstream media channel, something that should be happening more often based on the drive and talent of many of these athletes.

What types of projects have you backed on Kickstarter? What kind of projects appeal to you?

be true to you.

2013-02-20T12:16:00.000-07:00

I'm still on this kick of being yourself and not comparing yourself to other people, which is fitting because it's my sorority's "Be True to You" week at Central Michigan University. One of our philanthropies is ANAD, which is the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders, and the events of the week (including tonight's Deepher Dudes pageant) are meant to emphasize the importance of accepting yourself for who you are and being a healthy you.

Obviously I have been talking about this a lot (and this might even be a little repetitive) but I think part of it is that I'm just feeling so overwhelmed and annoyed by the constant chatter that you must do this or that to be a perfect body or perfect person or whatever. I don't know if it's the advent of social media that makes people feel like they are entitled to make judgements on others but it seems silly to me.

The bottom line is that we should just be worrying about ourselves and not about everyone around us.

There's no reason you can't be true to you. Seriously. Maybe in my case that means taking more breaks from social media than I have in the past. I know, and have agreed with a friend who is known for saying that social media is everyone's highlight reel. That much is true. But often times on social media, you're hearing messages that might not apply to you. They might be specific to that person, and might not work for you at all. When my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer recently, the doctors specifically told her not to go home and look up information online; it may not pertain to her and it could cause her more mental stress than necessary.

It's kind of like the message I was taking away from reading "The Happiness Project." In it, the author (Gretchen Rubin) has a list of "commandments" that fit her and will hopefully help her to be happier in her day-to-day life. Her number one phrase is to "be Gretchen" no matter what. One example she uses is that she doesn't always love adult fiction, and finds children's books (like Harry Potter) more enjoyable. Well, I can relate to that. Should it bother me that some people might think I'm too old for that? No!

That's not quite the same as body image and what you're eating and all that, but it's all on the same level, basically. You don't have to agree with someone on everything, but you should at least respect opinions of others and be more cognizant and aware of differences. How boring would it be if we were all the same? Where's the fun in being just like someone else? Sure, there are people I admire and hope to emulate in some areas of my life, but I don't want to be an exact copy of those people. I want to be LindsAy. Me.

Plus, things are not always what they seem. This is only partially related, but since I'm on this kick of health and wellness and whatnot, I thought it appropriate to share. I share the video knowing that I would try to avoid muffins from anywhere besides my own kitchen, and knowing that I will still eat at Subway and Chipotle on occasion (because it tastes good). It's still interesting to see how accurate (or not) the information is that we're (sometimes) buying into:

I guess the point here, especially in honor of "Be True to You" week, is that you should be comfortable being yourself. Sometimes it's hard to figure out what method of madness works best for you. If you've been able to lose weight one way, that's great! But sometimes, that exact way will not work for someone else (case in point: Weight Watchers causes me mental hangups that don't help with any kind of successful weight loss), and THAT IS OKAY. We can like different movies and books and foods and activities and politics and religions or non-religions and sports teams and weather and whatever. It's actually preferable.

And social media, a tool of great opportunity and connections, can be a wonderful sounding board. It can be a great place to learn little-known facts and discover new things and even hear stories that you know nothing about (and actually sometimes be ill-informed but that's another story). But just like my parents say when I'm mulling over a decision about something, no one can decide that for you - it's up to you to decide. Hopefully the important thing you decide, amid the overpowering messages from social media, is that you can be you, and you can use those online voices to help make the best decision for you. Not just because someone tells you that's how you should be. Including me!

stop the shaming.

2013-02-07T21:02:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I really like social media... and sometimes, I find reasons to be incredibly frustrated by what I see. This isn't about being almost 27 and seeing all the engagements and weddings and babies. That's not frustrating, because it's easy to be happy for your friends. What I'm talking about is all this body shaming I have been seeing lately.

I've talked about body issues before, here and here. But today I saw something online that got me thinking about them again. A friend of mine posted a meme on Facebook that basically said that crossfit doesn't make you fat, cupcakes make you fat. And while it is true that if you eat lots of cupcakes, you'll probably gain weight, somehow this particular meme annoyed me.

Part of it? I don't do crossfit. That's a choice I've made, and I just am not interested in it. I would rather go running or swimming or do some yoga. I could be more active than I am, but I go to the gym or exercise a few times a week and I feel mostly okay about myself.

The other part is probably that I bought a cupcake last night, and I ate it. And it was delicious. I like cupcakes.

Look, I know I'm not a poster child for body weight and health. I try to take care of myself, and I also try to enjoy myself. Sometimes I go to the gym after work, and sometimes I go out for dinner and have a beer. Either way, it shouldn't really matter to you what I do. Just like it shouldn't matter to me what you do.

We've got to stop body shaming each other.

You might be body shaming without even knowing it. These are some interesting examples of how that happens. And before you get on me about how so many people are obese in this country (and around the world), I know. I get it, I am familiar with the statistics. But just because someone isn't making the same choices as you, doesn't automatically make her wrong. We can live our lives with different diets, exercise plans, sleeping schedules, and all kinds of other unique choices that don't really impact each other as much as some may think.

It might just be part of our society. I watched an excellent documentary called "Miss Representation" (recommended, if you're into that sort of thing), and it talks about women's portrayal in the media and how that makes women feel certain ways about how they should look or act. Then this article on their blog talks about body shaming and Halloween costumes. Why is this okay? Why do we accept this public view of women in general?

And then I think about Beyonce and her performance at the Super Bowl, and how many people were so ... upset? by what she was wearing and what she was presenting. But I thought this summed up perfectly what I thought about it:

Was Beyoncé attractive, sexy even? To be sure. But more than anything, she was powerful. Few things are more threatening to a male audience than a beautiful, powerful woman who doesn’t need a man, or even a male gaze.

Perhaps folk didn’t consciously notice there wasn’t a single male performer on stage. But for those few minutes, there were no male voices and no male bodies in control, only women who refused to be owned. And it wasn’t women just dancing up there, though the cameras largely focused on that. The women onstage were creating, everything. They appropriated traditional male images and transformed them female ones — not women just imitating men. They were claiming roles and instruments traditionally held by men: the horns and saxophones, the pyrotechnic guitar solo.

They were fierce, but refused to be masculinized or objectified.

I guess what I'm wondering is... why do we spend so much time building ourselves up and putting each other down? Wouldn't our time be better spent on celebration of ourselves than chucking garbage at people who make different choices in their lifestyles, or people who look different or dress different or whatever? Instead of being on a level with Regina George and the Mean Girls clique, we should remember those messages of girl power that were so popular in the 90s. And, instead of wishing to be like what we see in magazines, we should remember that photoshop doesn't apply to real people in the real world, and it shouldn't matter anyway. Who you are is pretty special.

Like this video says, every girl deserves to feel beautiful just the way she is.

This turned out a little longer and a little more rambling than I intended, but I want you to know, when I share my thoughts about my own running or a sandwich I ate, it's not because I think you must do those things too. I want you to realize that who you are is pretty great, and you don't have to change because of what you see in the media or what you read in a meme on Facebook. Sticks and stones might break your bones, and words can hurt a lot, but remembering that you're a great YOU is the most important thing of all.

textbook statistics.

2013-02-06T21:12:00.000-07:00

This is kind of an odd poem, but I love it and wanted to share it. You might like it, too.

Textbook Statistics
By Arkaye Kierulf

On average, 5 people are born every second and 1.78 die.
So we’re ahead by 3.22, which is good, I think.

The average person will spend two weeks in his life
waiting for the traffic light to change.

Pubescent girls wait two to four years
for the tender lumps under their nipples to grow.

So the average adult has over 1,460 dreams a year,
laughs 15 times a day. Children, 385 more times.

So the average male adult mates 2,580 times with five different people
but falls in love only twice in his life—possibly

with the same person. Seventy-nine long years for each of us,
awakened to love in our twenties, so more or less

thirty years to love our two lovers each. And if, in a lifetime,
one walks a total of 13,640 miles by increments,

Where are you headed, traveler?
is a valid philosophical question to pose to a man, I think, along with

Why does the blood in your veins travel endlessly?
on account of those red cells flowing night and day

through the traffic of the blood vessels, which if laid out
in a straight line would be over 90,000 miles long.

The great Nile River in Egypt is 4,180 miles long.
The great circle of the earth’s equator is 24,903 miles.

Dividing this green earth among all of us
gives a hundred square feet of living space to each,

but our brains take only one square foot of it,
along with the 29 bones of the skull, so

if you look outside your window with your mind only,
why do you hear the housefly hum middle octave, key of F?

If you listen to the cat on the rug by the fire with
the 32 muscles in your ear, you will hear

100 different vocal sounds. Listen to the dog
wishing for your love: 10 different sounds.

If you think loneliness is beyond calculation,
think of the mole digging a tunnel underground

ninety-eight miles long to China
in one single night. If you think beauty escapes you

or your entire genealogical tree, consider the slug
with its four uneven noses, or the chameleon shifting colors

under an arbitrary light. Think of the deepest point
in the deepest ocean, the Marianas Trench in the Pacific,

do you think anyone’s sadness can be deeper? In 1681,
the last dodo bird died. In the 16th century,

Queen Elizabeth suffered from a fear of roses.
Anne Boleyn had six fingers. People fall in love

twice. The human heart beats 3 billion times — only — in a lifetime.
If you attempt to count all the stars in the galaxy, one

every second, it’ll take 3 thousand years, if you’re lucky.
As owls are the only birds that can see the color blue

the ocean is bluish, along with the sky and the eyes
of that boy who died alone by that little unnamed river

in your dreams one blue night of the war
of one of your lives. (Do you remember which one?)

Duration of World War 1: four years, 3 months, 14 days.
Duration of an equatorial sunset: 128 seconds, 142 tops.

A neuron’s impulse takes 1/1000 of a second,
a morning’s commute from Prospect Expressway

to the Brooklyn Bridge, about 90 minutes,
forty-five without traffic.

Time it takes for a flower to wilt after it’s cut from the stem: five days.
Time left our sun before it runs out of light: five billion years.

Hence the number of happy citizens under the red glow
of that sun: maybe 50% of us, 50% on good days, tops.

Number who are sad: maybe 70% on the good days—
especially on the good days. (The first emotion’s more intense, I think,

when caught up with the second.) So children grow faster in the summer,
their bright blue bodies expanding. The ocean, after all, is blue

which is why the sky now outside your window is bluish
expanding with the white of something beautiful, like clouds.

Fact: The world is a beautiful place—once in a while.
Another fact: We fall in love twice. Maybe more, if we’re lucky.

it's all in your head.

2013-01-29T15:33:00.001-07:00

I haven't had that much to write about lately (at least anything too exciting) — no trips, no new countries, no events... at least not this month. But I went running on Sunday and I was reminded of something very important for running or swimming or lots of other things you might try.

You have to be in the right mindset.

Okay, that's all... see you next time!

But really, think about some of the toughest athletes you know. Paralympians, Ironman triathletes, people who run up mountains like in the Pikes Peak Ascent. They all have something in common, besides making the most of the body that they've been given. They are in a mindset to tackle incredibly difficult competition, mileage, inclines, and generally tough situations.

Better example: one of my favorite Paralympic athletes, Lex Gillette, who I had the chance to meet in a mixed zone in London, competes for the U.S. in track and field events. He is blind, and he is a phenomenal athlete. And he commonly says, "You don't need sight if you have vision." Which is awesome and true.

Now I'm not saying I'm on the same level as those people. I'm not. But I can see where this positive mindset can take you places. Like I said, I was running and I had to go kind of far, at least for me. I started running and it wasn't that great, and my legs kind of hurt, and I wanted to stop. I'll admit it. I wasn't even halfway done yet! And I don't run with music, so while I was running, I had a conversation with myself about how it was going.

Can we stop now?
No.
My calf hurts. I want to stop. I only need to do 2 miles. I ran yesterday, too.
But last week you ran further than that. You have to go past that.
Well fine. I guess I'll do one more of these loops.

Aside from sounding a little crazy, probably, I was able to convince myself to finish those loops and I hit 5 miles. Which for me, is a long way. And for me, it's the longest I've ran since I ran my half marathon back in December 2011.

This isn't just about me and my running. Sometimes you will hit a wall. Sometimes you just won't want to do it, whatever it might be. There are things in your life that will be tough and maddening, and you will have to push through. And a lot of times, the negativity you're feeling is all in your head. It's easy to give up and give in to that negative self talk. It's better to fight it and be positive and even talk to other people about it, if that helps. You don't have to do it by yourself, and you don't have to quit. People believe in you and you should believe in you, too.

Even if your stuffing falls out... you can do it.

So maybe this week, find one thing you could have a better outlook on. Find something you think is hard and maybe something you wouldn't try to accomplish it because you don't think you could, and try it. You might surprise yourself, especially if you can change your mindset and make it a positive one.

fight.

2013-01-11T13:48:00.000-07:00

I think it's an appropriate lesson in life that when you get knocked down, you have to get back up. Some learn that at a young age, like when they fall off their bicycle. It hurts, but you don't want to give up on riding your bicycle. You have to get back on it, and try again. I can only remember one time I really fell hard off my bike. I had to walk my bike a mile home. It hurt. But I wouldn't say it stopped me from riding again. I just don't like falling down. Who does?

Maybe a bike is not the best analogy, but you know what I'm talking about.

Writing helps me to get out what I am thinking. I can usually use my words to say how I am feeling and it's kind of therapeutic. It might not make a lot of sense to others who end up reading it, but that's usually not the point.

In this case, it's hard to find the words to explain what it is that I want to say. I've tried to write it and it just sounds stupid. Even when you talk about it in a conversation, it's not that easy. At some point, people are going to know. Do you just wait until they find out about it on their own? Do you wait until it's obvious? It's probably okay to tell some people what's going on, but even when you make that decision to share you feel like you're dropping some kind of bomb when that's not at all what you're trying to do.

I'm probably never going to be one of those people who puts a pink ribbon on her car. If the ribbon is for awareness, I am already aware. Maybe the ribbon is just to tell other people you're aware. "We're dealing with this right now, and instead of telling you about it, we're just going to slap this pink ribbon magnet on our bumper. Got it?"

This isn't even so much story about me. But it is about cancer, so it brings back those painful feelings of falling off a bike, just magnified. When someone you love has cancer, it hurts you too. What can you even do to help? Maybe that's another reason people buy ribbons and t-shirts and do whatever it is they do to feel a little better about it. You have to find something to help you work through it, because cancer is heavy stuff. You can't just sit on that and let it go. There's treatment and turbans to talk about.

When my mom told people she knew about her cancer, she put it in our family Christmas card. So now other people know that yes, there is cancer. And we are fighting it. I say we because it's not something a person goes through alone. We band together, and we fight. And it's hard. And it's not the kind of thing people ever want to deal with. You try to be healthy and it still comes. But you have to think positively. You have to get back on the bike, so to speak, and keep riding. Maybe off into the sunset. Because that's a nice thing.

I guess I'm not just talking about cancer here. You will face hard things in your life. You will get sad and mad about them. And then you will pick yourself up and work to overcome those hard things. Because that's just what you have to do. Sometimes it's a fight. You can win it.

On a kind of related note to talking about hard stuff, I read this article today about how there's more to life than being happy. Read it. Because it talks about how your purpose in life is what drives you and keeps you going. The man referenced in the article, Viktor Frankl, made decisions in his life based on what he believed his purpose to be, and that purpose was not just about himself.

There are some things we can control, and some things we can't. All that means is we have to work a little harder in the fight. And we can do it together, and it will be okay.

a new story.

2013-01-02T16:23:00.000-07:00

2013 is new. New chances, new opportunities. And since we're past that 21 December stuff, no one thinks the world is going to end (although, if you're like me, you never really understood that hype anyway).

I saw this on a friend's Facebook page on Monday and thought it was a great outlook:

Doesn't it make you think? I mean, if you think about a book you might want to read (like Harry Potter or something equally as awesome), there are a lot of good stories that fit into 365 pages.

It might mean making resolutions (I resolve not to have any) and it might mean setting goals (oh those I have). It might mean making changes in your life, even if you don't make them in January just because. Change is welcome all year round. Sometimes, you need something new in April or August just as much as you need something new in January.

This year, I want to embrace the newness.

I want to run more this year than I have in the past two years. I have a number in mind, but I'm not going to share it yet, just in case something happens to change my plans (like it did so wonderfully last year when I ended up traveling the world instead of running races I had paid for). Part of running more means more half marathons. It seems like a good year for it, although we're not going to start calling this year 2013.1. I have my first big race in April the day before my birthday, and I'm signed up to do a half in Detroit in October that I meant to do last year.

Maybe when it comes to running, the newness really means that I'm giving things a second chance in spite of how I felt about it last year.

2012, Sydney. 2013, ?

I want to keep traveling. I don't just mean traveling back to Michigan. I mean I want to see something new, and go places people dream about but often say they can't visit because they don't have the time or the money. I'm not trying to say I have all that much time OR that much money (believe me, I do not), but what kind of experiences can you have if you just stay home? So maybe I'll go somewhere, like Paris, which seems so easily accessible when I only have to pay $95 (+ many frequent flier miles) for a ticket.

I want challenges. Not just the running-and-traveling kind. I want to be challenged to be better. Maybe that means professionally (which a person should strive for anyway) or maybe it means I'm going to be better about doing the dishes in my sink on the day I use them instead of later.

I want to spend more time with the people who mean the most to me. I want to get a little better at speaking a foreign language. I want to make more space in my closet. I want to read lots of books. I want to sing songs and laugh and have adventures. I am going to remember that it's more than okay to be myself.

But this year, even though I'm ready to welcome newness with open arms, I am also going to do a better job of remembering that sometimes, what you want and what you need don't always go together. And that's okay. And sometimes when you want to push your limits to new heights, it's not always the right time. That's not to say that you can't accomplish your goals or experience new things or whatever... but sometimes what you expect is not always what ends up as reality.

In a way, our 365 page stories for each year are more like those "choose your own adventure" books, where you can pick which direction you want the story to take. Except sometimes someone else or something else determines the outcome. Maybe in the end, that makes the story a little better.

I hope you have a great year, and I hope that by the end of this year, you have filled 365 blank pages with a story worthy of what you've done, seen, and accomplished.

this year.

2012-12-29T12:45:00.001-07:00

2012 is almost over. And to be honest, I am glad.

Lately I have been reminded of that quote from John Lennon: "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans." That is, you can plan and plan, and things don't always work out exactly how you think they will or how you think they should. This isn't a new revelation, I guess, but lately it just seems to be relevant thanks to some pretty rude reminders. 2012 had some really remarkable, memorable moments, I can't deny that. But some of the hard stuff makes it easier to keep moving forward without looking back.

Maybe the important thing is that when the hard stuff happens, it usually teaches us something. Which maybe sometimes we need!

I mean, this year I was reminded:

I actually enjoy being independent. I don't need someone else to make me happy. I can do things I want to do, when I want to do them. Somehow I don't think this is a trait meant for everyone.
It's easier to be yourself than to pretend to be someone else. Therefore...
I don't need to compare myself to other people. It can get depressing to compare what you have (or don't have) to someone else, and it's just not worth it. It's better to be proud of what you can do for yourself.
Running is still really hard. And sometimes, for me anyway, it sounds better in theory than in practice. I know, I know. If you've been following my blog at all this year, you've heard this before. But I want to do more races and become better at running, and it's one of those things that wasn't a priority for me this year between my travels and the other stuff happening. And that's okay. I don't have to do a run streak to prove myself, and I don't have to really prove anything to anyone anyway.
When you encounter the hard stuff, it's outstanding how many people are willing and able to be there for you. I was and continue to be honestly surprised.
It's still not easy to live 1,300 miles away from family. Even if your reasons for doing so (at least for now) are valid.
Sometimes friends move away to move on, and although you miss them, the ones that matter will keep in touch.
Cancer is stupid.
You can carry beer in your checked bags. That might be a reminder for all of you, and not just for me. Just make sure you wrap it well.
I'm still scared to ride my bike on the roads in Colorado Springs.
Having cable TV is not as important as one might think. At least, as long as you still have an internet connection and Netflix or Amazon Instant Video.
You don't have to have it all figured out at 26. There's no right or wrong answer, and there's not any certain way you have to live your life. You get to do it on your own terms, for the most part. And sometimes, it's okay to be scared or sad or angry or whatever. Happy moments are great but it's not realistic for them to be every day, all the time.

I hope you have a great last few days of the year. 2013, bring it on.

adult stuff.

2012-11-30T12:54:00.000-07:00

I'm not really sure anyone reads this anyway, so even though my thoughts are all jumbled I am still just going to write about what I want.

It's kind of weird to think that there is just one month left in 2012. I don't know where this year went, but I am partly okay with moving on to next year and new things and new focuses. This year has had crazy exciting moments and some awfully weird ones, too. Trips to London for the Paralympic Games and New Zealand for a world championship week and Australia for vacation were definitely highlights for me. But this year also held some experiences I'd rather forget, maybe mostly notably the wildfire.

I think when stuff happens that makes you worry and pushes you out of your happy normal comfort zone, it's easy to get stressed out. It's easy to think about all the possible scenarios, because you don't have the answers you want or need to get back to a normal non-worrying place. When you're a kid, no one tells you that there's stress involved with being an adult, and part of it is related to the things in your life that you can't control. Some things you can, and you should be proactive about them. But some things, you just can't.

It reminds me of this quote I found years ago, which remains one of my favorites to this day:

“Don't worry about losing. If it is right, it happens. The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.” — John Steinbeck

This may be more appropriate in some cases than others, but you get the idea.

Another thing that's hard sometimes is being your own person. I've talked about this at some point before because in this digital, social media, connected world we live in, often times it's difficult to stop comparing yourself to other people. We see what other people have (at least, the "highlights" of what people have because people aren't going to post the bad stuff online) and we want it.

In my case, I am 26, and I have an awesome job. Like one I really always wanted and told people I wanted when I was getting my undergraduate degree four-plus years ago. I get to travel. I get to write. For me, it's wonderful. But there are other things I want out of my life, eventually, and other people have them. I want a dog and a house and a family. Right now, I am nowhere closer to those things than I was two years ago, or four years ago. I don't know why. I'm just not there. Part of it is probably that I find it nearly impossible to meet a guy who I want to hang out with, and who wants to hang out with me. Part of it is probably the amount of time I am actually in the city I live in. There are lots of reasons, I'm sure. And sometimes that's okay. And sometimes it really bothers me. I am honest about that, because I am sure there are other people out there who are in this place too. Maybe there's a support group for it. This is a weird age to be, 26. Because you are so happy for all that your friends have, in terms of adulthood, but it's easy to also feel so far behind. Yes, I know, my job is awesome. I get that. I've heard it many times. I love my job. For me, I still would like those other things too.

And maybe I shouldn't be admitting this out here on the internets. The internet is a weird, weird place. You can't always trust people to be who they say they are, because we're hiding behind a computer screen. Or a fake name. Or something. I read this story this week and cringed because I can see how easily it happens. So maybe I shouldn't be laying this out there. But believe me, there are many parts of my life I don't share online.

Anyway.

I know I have changed over the past four years, eight years, 12 years. I can give you specific examples of how I have changed and how I have not. I probably act like an adult more some days than others. I'm still figuring things out. I see friends of mine who are still in college and trying to figure things out, and I see how I am not there anymore, but I also see how I still am. Does that make sense? As a kid I think I thought that by 25 I'd be some magical adult. Now at 26, I see how that doesn't even make sense. You can't look into the future and know what you will be like. We can't time travel and I'm not sure we'd even want to (unless we were accompanied by The Doctor). We are still figuring things out, in our twenties, our thirties, and probably even into our sixties and seventies.

I'm not trying to make it sound like there aren't awesome things happening in the land of LindsAy. There are. But it helps me to put some of my thoughts out there, and maybe if someone else feels this way too it helps to know we're not shuffling into our adult years on our own. There are some interesting twists and turns ahead, and even though at times we may feel stressed out or down or out or even like champion of the world or on cloud nine... it's just part of it. It's part of living, and being, and feeling. Learning. All that.

But I believe that quote up there. If it's right, it happens. Nothing good get away.

don't stop.

2012-11-27T18:38:00.000-07:00

There is a lesson here. The title of this post is not just part of the title of a Queen song (albeit one of the best songs ever)...

The lesson here is, if you stop doing something, it's harder to start it back up again. Yup, that's it. You can stop reading now. No, wait! Keep reading. I'll tell you more about this, as if you didn't know this was a truth already.

See, this year has been mostly great. There was the wildfire and some other low points, but I was able to travel a lot and I learned a lot both professionally and personally. But with all of this great stuff, I've been busy. And when I say busy, I mean too busy to do things that I was making a priority before. And it's my fault but it's still annoying.

Running is really the biggest example of this. I miss running. And the year started okay. I had a pretty good 4-mile race, back in January. Seriously. And then I got injured and didn't run a lot. And then all this other stuff happened and I just... stopped. Does this sound like I'm making excuses? Probably. The point is, I just kind of stopped paying attention to running. Running and I broke up. I was doing other, more fun (to me, at the time) stuff, and it didn't hurt my legs. So. Fine.

But now it's really hard to start again. And I want to (besides being afraid that I'm going to get hurt again).

So then I thought, I will be smarter about running this time! I'll do that cross training stuff everyone is talking about. YOGA! But when you haven't done yoga consistently in a while, that's hard to start back up too (as I was reminded of today).

This information is not all that relevant to you, I know. But I'm just warning you, if you have things you like to do, like running or yoga or speaking a foreign language or whatever, it's probably best not to stop doing it for long, because then you get out of the habit and it's hard to start it back up again.

I mean, then you feel like this at the end of the day:

And even though I really like sitting in my chair, I am going to make a better effort to do yoga... and not just sometimes. I am going to keep moving because it would be nice if my pants fit better (yeah I said it). I am going to start running again, because I really do want to, and because I do have that half marathon I signed up for in Boulder the day before my birthday.

Don't stop me now. I'm going to have such a good time. A ball even. No excuses.

benny.

2012-11-14T09:20:00.000-07:00

If you have known me in the past 10 years, you have probably heard me mention Benny.

Benny is the golden retriever who joined my family around Thanksgiving 2002. We went to this little house in the country and picked him out and he was so fat and cute. And small. We were driving home from the little house (which was in Okemos, Michigan), and his name came from the Ben E. King song on the radio - my dad's favorite. (We also joked that it was because we drove by a Bennigan's on the way home.)

Benny was so small he could fit under my dad's chair. Which was not very far off the ground. But he got big, quick. I guess goldens do that.

We'd had dogs before (Blue, Blackie, Murphy Brown - a trio we had all at once and the color names were not completely intentional), but somehow none of them was quite as perceptive as Benny. He knew when you needed a friend. He would sit right up on top of your leg and on your feet. Sometimes he would put his paw in your lap. I think someone probably had him in mind when they coined the term "man's best friend" as it relates to a dog.

Benny always seemed to know where he was headed in the car. He loved riding in the car. If you were going to the drive-thru at the bank, he knew it, probably because he knew he was going to get a treat. One of my favorite stories is of my parents coming up to visit me in college, and bringing Benny. Even though he had never been to my apartment before, they were blocks away when he got very excited. It's like he knew he was coming to see me.

I haven't lived at home for most of the time Benny was part of our family. I was in college and then I moved to Colorado, and my visits home grew few and far between. Somehow, Benny knew when it was me pulling into the driveway. Just this past weekend, when I was home in Michigan for a wedding, I pulled into the driveway in a rental car. As soon as he saw me, it was like no time had passed at all. When Benny was excited to see you, you could tell - his tail would wag so hard his whole back half would shake along with it. He would jump and run and play. Who could feel down with a greeting like that?

Benny liked vegetables, mostly carrots. He would hover in the kitchen when someone was cooking, probably because of bad habits, but also because he knew he'd be able to steal a bite of something tasty. He liked the water and would wade in the lake at our house up north.

Benny didn't like to be left alone. When I was packing my suitcase into the car to leave again, he would always stand near the door at the top of the steps with a look like, "What? Where are you going? Don't leave me here!" He wanted to be included, always.

Benny was special. Maybe it was because he had been part of my life for all of my major life moments. He wasn't there for all of them, but he was a comfort when I needed it, through two graduations and moving and sicknesses and the fire and just plain sadness. He was a wonderful friend, which might make you laugh if you've never had a pet, but many of you will likely understand.

The sad truth is that Benny is gone. He had to be put to sleep this morning, because he was sick. Not long ago we found out that he had cancer. He was not well. At times, you could tell. And this morning he was so, so sick. It was time. Goldens just don't live as long as other breeds.

But that doesn't make it easier to stomach.

I will never forget my beloved B, our Benny. He was a special little guy and and important part of my family for so long. It's always hard to lose a pet, but to give them a good home and make them part of your life and then your memories? That is worth it.

three days in sydney.

2012-10-25T05:06:00.001-06:00

I realize my last post was "three days in auckland" but actually I was in Auckland for 7. So I figured this time it's appropriate because I was actually in Sydney for just three days.

To be honest, I got here and couldn't believe it. I have wanted to come here ever since the 2000 Olympic Games were held here. I remember the shots of the Sydney Opera House and I thought, it's so, so far away. I never will get there. And I got here. So let me tell you about it.

Basically the first picture I took when I got here.

While it seems far, I think it's worth the trip. I can see why people would travel for hours and hours (sometimes a full day) to get here. We actually don't have it so bad in the United States. If you were in London and wanted to fly to Auckland, it would take you something like 26 hours of travel. My travel day back is rough, but I would say it was worth it.

I was only in Sydney for three days, like I said. If you have more time, and you can swing it, stay longer. Part of me wishes I was staying an extra day, but considering I have been gone for two weeks now, and I have been mostly on my own the entire time, I would say it's time to go home. Now I know though - I want to come back.

So what did I do while I was here? A lot. At least, it seemed like it.

I stayed in an area called The Rocks. It's very close to Circular Quay (pronounced "key" here - and a main hub for ferries) and has a lot of history, being that it was basically the first settled area of Sydney. So, thankfully, I was able to walk everywhere, with the exception of from the airport to my hostel.

In three days, I:

Took the ferry to Taronga Zoo and saw elephants, kangaroos and many more animals.

Went to the Sydney Aquarium... which was kind of a bust, I think. They had some cool exhibits like a mock Great Barrier Reef and a great number of sharks... but there are probably other things to do. Still, I liked going. I learned some things, like there is this giant crab called a Japanese spider crab, and it can be as big as 12 feet long from claw to claw. GROSS. I would not want to meet one in nature.

Took a tour of the Sydney Opera House and saw an opera - my first! It was a great experience, I think. I like activities like that, and wish I could do things like that more often. The opera was called Lucia di Lammermoor and it was in Italian. It kind of reminded me of a Romeo and Juliet type story. They had subtitles, but it seemed to me like there was more to sing about than just the few words on the translator. So, I was continuing the story in my head. It was fun anyway, but that kind of made it more comical. I'd definitely go to another opera.

Saw whales on a whale watching tour. This is maybe the most questionable part of my trip. I bought a ticket for a two hour "adventure ride" because the boat is smaller (not a ferry) and goes faster. Cool. I like boats. Except, riding in a boat in the tiny 7-mile lake my parents have a house on, even when it's my uncle's faster boat, is WAY different than riding in a boat on the ocean when there is wind and huge swells. I was doing just fine until we started cresting the waves and slamming back down to the water, and huge amounts of water came into the boat. I remember thinking, I did not sign up for this!!! I was scared, to be honest, and I think it was the constant feeling that we might just tip over into the ocean that led me to be seasick. Like I said, I like boats. A lot. But not in the ocean with waves that big. Like I said, we did see whales (a mom and a calf) and they were very active, jumping and playing. But I was holding on for dear life and covered in salt water and digging out my camera to try to get a shot of a 3 second whale jump did not seem all that important.

The lesson here? When they say you can get off the boat and book another time because of waves/swell? DO IT.

I also went to Manly Beach and got sunburned (but only on my back. My front barely looks like I was outside at all).

I ate some delicious food... seafood (including Sydney Rock oysters, which I would highly recommend if you are ever down here), a kangaroo burger, crocodile pizza... I figure if I am here, I might as well try it, right?

Crocodile pizza from the Australia Hotel

Plus I had a few good beers, including one at what is touting itself as the oldest pub in Sydney (called Fortune of War), and some wine.

I spent a lot of money (which I didn't really have in the first place - ha!), walked A LOT, stayed in my first hostel (albeit in a private room), and had another successful trip on my own.

I realize, in doing these trips on my own, the kinds of places I like to go and things I like to do. I wish more people felt empowered to do things on their own, even simple things like going to a movie or eating in a restaurant alone. It's weird, but it makes you aware of the world around you. You watch other people, you watch your surroundings, and you can learn, just by observing. I also realize that even though it can be a little nerve-wracking to do something like this (and by that I mean, travel to a foreign country alone), it is a great experience. If you wait for someone else to do something with you, you might miss out. So take advantage of your time to do things you want to do, when you want to do them. Don't let chances pass you by.

My trip might be over, but there are more exciting things to come, like trips to Michigan for weddings (including one in just 1 week!) and holidays, and more new places to explore next year and in the future. And maybe, my next international trip? I'll have a buddy to drink a beer with and take my picture for me in front of a landmark, so I don't have to do it myself. ;)

three days in auckland.

2012-10-18T03:32:00.000-06:00

So I’ve been in New Zealand for three days now, and I thought I’d fill you in on what’s been going on here, since it’s not all that close to the States.

My view of Auckland from my hotel.

I’m here to work the ITU Triathlon World Championships, which take place this weekend. That’s actually how I find myself here in the first place. Very cool trip! It’s going to be a busy weekend, that’s for sure. Saturday and Sunday we have 13 American athletes competing in a total of six different races… which is not so bad, to be honest. The true test will come Monday – around 400 athletes in 3 races! It’s good practice for writing, photographing, interviewing, etc. Even without the trips I enjoy my job so this is a great test.

ANYWAY.

This event is happening in Auckland. I think there are quite a few places people hit up in New Zealand, like Wellington and Christchurch. I’m not sure that Auckland has all that much to do, compared to a place like London. (This may not be a fair assessment, but I was just there.) Mostly, I have been walking around town, going from my hotel to the race venue and to try to find fun new places to eat. Personally, I think new foods are one of the best things of traveling anywhere, within the U.S. or internationally.

Here are some things I have noticed while I’ve been here these past three days:

I feel very rude when I eat. I notice this in London too. In other countries (at least here and in GB), people are very skilled with knives and forks. I can’t cut with my right and eat with my left. I cut and eat with my right. I switch utensils. I don’t know about you, but I am just not good at silverware. Plus, people here (and in GB) eat sandwiches (read: BURGERS) with a knife and a fork! I might be sloppy but if I order a burger, I’m totally picking it up.

It’s kinda cold here, on the water. I know this is not new… but today it was FREEZING here. It’s early spring, and I am more familiar with the hot, dry sun in Colorado. I never thought I’d miss it as much as I do now. I also am cold just sitting in my room. Fun fact: I am using the robe they had in here as a blanket on the couch.

Traveling alone is just okay. I really do like traveling alone. If you have a chance to do it, I recommend it. You can go where you want, when you want, on your own schedule. However, it would be nice to have someone to eat dinner with sometimes. Maybe that’s just me. I am kind of chatty. I’ve noticed it’s more difficult here since there aren’t wifi networks to connect my phone to when I’m sitting alone.

I miss running. I don’t know if it’s seeing all these triathletes around, or if it’s trudging up all the hills around downtown Auckland… but I do miss running. My shins are not so pleased about all the wandering I’ve been doing, but I still have that urge to run. That’s not related to travel, but I had to say it.

One does not simply walk into Mordor. Especially when one cannot figure out where they even filmed the movie here. I guess it was not in Auckland anyway, so I’m out of luck!

The world is full of great things. If you’re not going out to experience them, you’re missing out. It’s great to see what is happening in your own community, your area, whatever. But still… you have to know, there’s more out there than just what’s right in front of you.

The best time to leave the country is the immediate time period leading up to a presidential election. Self explanatory.

The worst time to leave the country is during baseball playoff season.

Thursday is almost over here, but it’s kind of hard to know what day it is. I mean, considering I skipped a Monday and thought today was Wednesday when I woke up (which I guess it was, at home). So that’s all I’ve got for now. I’m here for a few more days, and then it’s off to Sydney!

got mail?

2012-10-09T22:54:00.001-06:00

If you've been reading this blog for a while, you might have seen me proclaim my love for mail. I want a penpal and I love getting packages from my mom and friends who are kind enough to send me brownies on occasion (because that actually happens).

But I have a confession.

I am bad at mail.

I wish there was a way around this, but unfortunately at this time, there is not. A known pile-r (I tend to make piles of things in my apartment, if you needed a definition), I have at least three piles of mail I need to go through and sort so I can get rid of the junk. That's just one way I'm bad at mail.

The more awful way though, is that I am just not very good at sending things to people in a timely manner, even when there are two post offices within a mile of my home and a mile of my office, and I can ship things from work if I need to.

I am doing a CD swap with a friend in Denver, and I still have yet to send her my September mix. Now, I might as well wait til I am done with October and send them together. Strike one.

While in London last month, I bought some gifts/trinkets for people who I know would truly appreciate it, given that they are fans of England and/or the royal family. I got back almost one month ago, and guess where all these items are? In a laundry basket, waiting to be sent.

The worst part of this, that I hate to admit, is that I have birthday gifts in my possession for friends who celebrated birthdays three, four, FIVE months ago. I've had these gifts for months, and yet they are still in need of packages, addresses and postage.

And don't even get me started on my ability to send thank you notes this year, especially when it was necessary and deserved. Because nothing happened. My thank you notes sat blank and unsent.

Think about it - how often do you send things to others? Are you good at mail, or do you just give up and rely on Facebook messages and texts? I mean, those things are nice too, but sometimes everyone likes to get mail, when it's worthwhile (not election fliers. Keep out.) and from someone you care for.

So I am posting this to apologize, and to admit that I am awful at mail. To my friends who didn't even know they should be expecting something, I'm sorry, because I probably made you feel like I don't care, which is far from the truth. I do care - I just can't seem to get my envelopes together.

I'll say it here, so you know, that next year when I am undoubtedly home more often (this is referring to January which is scarily fast approaching), I will be better. Not that you will have to wait until then to receive what's actually rightfully yours, but next time, you won't have to wait. And I wrote it here first.

And not that you have to, but if you have something you have been putting off, unintentionally, maybe today is the day you realize it and try to make it better. It's probably not mail, but maybe it's something that would make your day a little brighter, and someone else's, too.

Longer letter later? I hope so.

i haven't.

2012-09-28T18:10:00.001-06:00

Friday requires a list so here you go.

I haven't:

- Written in my blog in a very long time because I haven't had that much to say.

- Gotten over London yet. I still want to go back, and I will.

- Been very good about running or swimming or biking on a regular basis. Not that I'm a triathlete or something but those are things I like to do. In the last week (7 days) I have done each of those things approximately 1 time. I hope to be better at this moving forward.

- Actually gone to a recruitment event for my sorority in four years now, and I miss it sometimes. Mostly because there was something special about being part of a sisterhood like that, and when you're 1,300 miles away you don't really get that feeling. Especially on bid day when everyone else is together and having fun and you are at home watching a triathlon on your computer...


My last formal recruitment - I'm in the blue since I was a Gamma Chi and somehow there weren't enough shirts!

- Said much about school yet but it's hard. I mean, obviously. A master's degree isn't really a cakewalk but it definitely took me five tries to get an appropriately structured thesis statement for my research paper. I promise I'm not all that bad at school (I mean, right now my grade is awesome so that should tell you I'm not bad at school) but I am used to a very different style of writing.

- Figured out what I am doing yet when I go to New Zealand in two weeks. What an experience that will be... keeping in mind that most of the time I am there, I am there for work.

- Learned exactly what I should be doing yet, but I have realized that's just part of being 26.

- Seen people I would like to see in months and months. Fortunately this changes soon.

- Caught up to current episodes of How I Met Your Mother yet but man, what a great show. It kind of makes me think of Friends (I've seen a comparison online somewhere, too), which is fitting since that is probably my favorite show of all time.

- Shared this enough because it's funny so... why I like fall.

As I can't think of much more to say...

If you have an "I haven't" to add, leave a comment. I can't be the only one.

abroad.

2012-09-11T14:08:00.001-06:00

I feel like I have been in London for SO LONG. And really, it has been the longest trip I have ever had where I have been gone from home (and from the U.S.) for this many days.

Now that the Paralympic Games are officially over, I can update you on some of the stuff that's been happening, like...

I love London. LOVE IT. The cost of it is kind of crushing when you think about it, but aside from that I'm having a blast.

(For example of excessive cost, tonight for dinner I had a burger, zucchini fries and a beer - all delicious - at a place near my hotel called Byron. Totally would recommend it, but it was 17.25 GBP... which is almost $28. It was great, but I would not choose a place at home if it cost that much.)

Actually, first, I need to say that I still love the Paralympic experience. The Closing Ceremony was amazing, mostly because of Coldplay (feat. Rihanna and Jay-Z!), and I cried probably five times. I'm not sure any experience can top that. It was just amazing.

Today, for my first completely free day of no work, both for Paralympics and for the last month in general, I got to wander around a little. I went to Harrods, where I of course could afford nothing, even though I really enjoyed the Toy Kingdom and the Christmas room. I stopped at the Victoria and Albert Museum, which would probably be enjoyable for any of you art enthusiasts out there. The Natural History Museum was much more up my alley, although there were four giant areas and I only went in one! It was the Earth section, and it was very cool to be reminded of all the parts of the Earth that I sometimes forget.

Somehow when I was in the museums, I was reminded of hearing somewhere that you could spend the entirety of trips inside, looking at things, instead of outside, exploring things. I decided parts of the museums could wait. I have big plans for my last three days!

Tomorrow I am going with my friend Emily (who is here in London still due to a travel mishap) to Buckingham Palace, the Churchill War Room, Westminster Abbey, Parliament, the Tower of London... needless to say it is going to be a very busy day. I will take lots of pictures. Don't worry.

I think on Thursday I am going to try to make it to the Harry Potter studio tour. I think it sounds great and I am such a fan of the story, I need to do it. Totally wearing my Harry Potter shirt too. I'm an adult?

There's something interesting about being here and not feeling like I'm quite so far from home. I am actually very far from home (my apartment) and it doesn't seem like a big deal. I could actually stay here. Just because. I won't, for now, but I know I could do it if the opportunity presented itself. Although, once I am reunited with my apartment and my car I might think differently.

It will mostly be nice to get on a schedule again. While working Paralympics, we didn't get "home" to our rooms until 2 a.m. some nights, and even if we got home earlier (say, 1), I didn't go to sleep right away and then we woke up and did it all over again. Plus we were limited to cafeteria food for the most part (bleh) and long train rides. Today has been great because I ate dinner before 9 p.m. and will probably go to sleep before midnight for the first time since before I got here!

Other noteworthy thoughts of the day:

Traveling alone is kind of awesome. And then you notice, we're not really that alone. Tonight at dinner I was sitting between two other people who were also alone. I didn't strike up a conversation, this time, but you notice more when you travel alone.
I like maps and knowing where I am going. Directionally challenged I am not.
Froyo in London is quite good.
Never underestimate a good pair of shoes. Your feet and your sanity will thank you.
Hotels that require you to use your room key to turn on the lights are brilliant. Keeps the electric waste to a minimum!
I don't miss TV as much as a person might think. Not that I watched it that much anyway, but I turned on a TV for the first time in 2+ weeks last night and hadn't even missed it.
I also don't miss my phone that much. Only a little. Mostly when sitting at a restaurant alone.
Fish pie sounds weird but it is pretty tasty!

I'll give another update soon!

two weeks, already? a paralympic games post.

2012-09-07T07:37:00.000-06:00

I wasn't sure what my time schedule would be like here in London during the 2012 Paralympic Games, so I didn't want to say I'd keep you completely up-to-date about what's been happening here. Now that I have a few minutes, I have a few things I want to say and share.

1. Paralympians are amazing.
More so than Olympians, I might venture to say. So often we see stories of struggles, and of overcoming, and these athletes are doing that in their every day lives. Not just for sport, but for waking up each morning and getting through the day. Some of them are missing legs, some are missing arms. Some are missing a combination of those - they are still competing. Some are missing their sight. They are not letting their disability hold them back. They will change how the world sees and perceives disability.

2. They don't complain about what ails them.
I have been guilty of it myself. Complaining when my legs hurt. Complaining about lacking in some kind of ability. Just complaining in general. But these people, who we might see as "missing something"? They aren't complaining. They are working hard, achieving a dream. They are winning medals and breaking world records. I'm sure they have bad days, just like anyone of us. But at least here and now, they are not complaining about what they might not have. We should learn from that.

3. The Paralympic Games are just like the Olympic Games.
You might be sad that the Olympics are over, but the Paralympic Games have so much to offer. When someone gets a leg cramp and struggles to finish a 100m sprint, you feel for him. His expectation of the Games did not live up to his reality. And from that statement, you don't know if I am talking about an Olympian or Paralympian. The venues are the same, including the Olympic Stadium and the Aquatic Center. The emotions are the same. The pride in winning and country is the same.

Opening Ceremony

The Opening Ceremony for the Paralympic Games was just as spectacular as the Olympics (or maybe more, because I was actually there for Paralympics). There are lessons to be learned, medals to be won, celebrations to be had. If you are finding it hard to access the Olympic Games, due to ticketing or whatever, don't discount the Paralympic Games. Your experience will be just as amazing, and I'm sure the 80,000 people watching track and field in Olympic Stadium last night would agree with me.

4. You lose all sense of time while working at a Games.
I know it's Friday, but it doesn't feel like it. I know I have been here for nearly two weeks, although it feels like I just got here. I have no sense of what time it is, even when I look at the clock, and it's not because I'm in London. It's because we're up late telling the story of the Games, and it's worth it. But at the same time, it feels like a time warp or something. Somehow we're just a few days away from the Closing Ceremony and I can't believe my first Games experience is almost over.

5. In London, they put mayonnaise on everything.
At least, on all the sandwiches I have had here. I don't understand it. Mustard is good, too, you guys!

6. It wouldn't be so bad to live in a different country for a while.
Sometimes I wish I had done some kind of study-abroad program, just for that experience. My "have love, will travel" philosophy of life is making it really easy to be here, even though I know once I finally get home I will be glad to be there. Still, I think it's exciting to have new cultural experiences and utilize public transportation and start to understand different money. Plus, I am learning how easy it is to use Skype and other methods of internet communication. And just wifi on my phone! Whew!

7. Not everyone will love and admire what you love and admire.
This trip has opened my eyes in so many ways, and it's hard to convey that to all the people I know. It's an extraordinary feeling to realize in part what your calling in life is, and it's not always going to be something someone else gets excited about. Some people won't see the determination and accomplishments of Paralympians as anything special, and some people just won't see it at all. That makes the challenge that much greater. This is a movement I feel passionate about. Not just the Olympic Movement, which I have long had a love for. The Paralympic Movement, which instills the same values and brings us together on a global stage with a common goal - that's where my heart is. I want everyone, everywhere, to see what I see. These are extraordinary humans doing extraordinary things. We should take notice, and we should cheer for them just as loudly as we cheer for Olympians, and NFL stars, and whoever else, if not louder.

In Olympic Park, in front of the stadium.

An athlete said this week that his phrase is, "Born with a disability, living without it." We should strive to be better in our lives, and to take advantage of what we have been given and what abilities we have, even if we don't think we can.

We may just surprise ourselves.

international travel: packing.

2012-08-22T15:34:00.002-06:00

If you are familiar with my travel schedule at all, you know I travel quite a bit. More than I would have expected four years ago, when I first moved here and eventually accepted the position with the organization I work with now. Actually, four years ago at this time of year, I hadn't been on a plane for something like 6 or 7 years. Now, it's not uncommon for me to be traveling every other week during certain times of the year.

So far this year, I've been to California (x2), Oklahoma, Alabama, Arizona, Massachusetts, Nevada, Michigan, Ohio and Vermont. I've been to Chicago O'Hare more times than I care to count. Now, I am finally going international (international looove), and I feel like I have a problem.

I don't know how to pack for that.

I will not be packing pudding.

When you travel frequently, you get into a routine. I am a pro at packing my bag the night before a trip, even a work trip, even when my flight leaves at 5:30 in the morning. I know what needs to go in my suitcase and how to pack it and make it all fit. It's easy.

This is a little different. Not because they don't have shops in the U.K., because they obviously do. But it's just easier to pack things yourself and not have to worry about tracking something down. It's easier to pack for a trip when I don't care about what people are going to think of my Harry Potter and Cat-vengers t-shirts, because I consider them quite stylish but I'm sure not everyone agrees. It's easier when I am only packing one bag, and not two, like I am for this trip, because I need to figure out a way to take a pillow and a towel and while we're at it (and if I have space), maybe my yoga mat. Leave me alone.

Packing for an international trip means packing international plugs, so you can actually plug in your phone that you aren't going to be able to use anyway unless there's wireless. It means that I'm pretty sure I can't take my straightener because I doubt it works without some kind of power converter which I am not going to go buy just for straighter hair. It means I hope Netflix works on my iPad in my room in case I need a break.

Part of the reason this trip is different is that I'm having a new experience and I'm going to be working a considerable amount while I'm there. It's going to be an amazing experience, but it's also a chance to learn and grow my skills. That really has nothing to do with packing, but it's still a wild concept to wrap my brain around: that I will be working at the Paralympic Games this time next week.

Though I love new experiences, I'm a little nervous because I don't know what to expect. I haven't been to London more than a few hours in the airport for a layover on my way to Spain, and that was 9+ years ago. I broke one of those glasses with the water in the sides, that you can freeze to make your drink feel colder, and they didn't charge me for it. Since there is clearly more to discover and experience here, I'm going in with an open mind and curious eyes. After a conversation today with a British co-worker, I may even end up renting a car for the days I am in England on my own, just to see more things without having to worry about dragging my suitcases around on the train (but more on that later).

Today's mission? Figure out what the heck I am taking with me on my trip, so that when I meet a very handsome British man I don't look like a fool. (Ha!) Leave any tips you have below...

determination.

2012-08-15T10:49:00.001-06:00

I got caught up in Olympic fever and failed to post a single thing here after talking about tape delays. Yikes.

This shouldn't be a surprise, since the Olympic Games cause me to live in a bubble every four summers. I watch Winter Games but the feel is not the same to me. Summer starts a new Olympiad, a new four years. Summer has more sports, and swimming and triathlon, which I can't pull myself away from. All Olympics are great, I just have my preference!

And now, the Olympics are over and I'm anxiously awaiting Paralympic Games. Part of it is that I am going - as part of a media team for the USOC. Part of it is that from my experience, para-athletes are just as inspiring as their able-bodied counterparts. I see it all the time with paratriathletes. They have a drive, a will, a determination. There are people walking the earth who don't have any of that, and are complacent. And as our Olympians and Paralympians show, we can do so much more than we ever thought possible.

It makes me think of this quote from F. Scott Fitzgerald:

“…am I trying to make my body a useful instrument or am I neglecting it?”

Now, I don't think drive and determination refer just to what you're doing with your physical body, but I think it's just one example. Our body can encompass all of us, not just one part. I like to think that I can challenge myself, and be better than I ever have been from one day to the next. That may not mean much some days, but other days I am excelling, at least on my own terms.

Maybe this is why I am going full steam ahead with my graduate school plan, even though it scares me. Maybe this is why I'm going to be staying at a hostel (albeit a very nice one) while in Australia later this year. Maybe this is why I am actively seeking challenges every day and going with my instincts. Maybe this is why I am choosing to focus on me, instead of others - something I have struggled with for a long time. I'm still not where I want to be, but I am trying.

When Lord Sebastian Coe (Chair of the London Organizing Committee) gave his speech before the official close of the 2012 London Olympic Games, he said, “When our time came, Britain, we did it right.”

When your time comes, to make a statement or be somebody, will you do it right? Will you be your very best, and will you exceed expectations? I know for me, I want to know I have done the best I could, for me. I want to be that useful instrument. I want to continue to be enthusiastic and determined. I may not be an Olympian or Paralympian, but I can be the best possible me, and I hope you have a determination to do the same for yourself.

And just because I like it, and it's relevant:

tape delayed.

2012-07-30T11:56:00.001-06:00

It's no surprise that you've heard a myriad of complaints about NBC's coverage of the Olympic Games - it's not live (at least not on TV), it's not accessible (if you don't have cable anyway) and if you want to watch it with the surprise of what happens in "real time" you basically have to avoid any and all social media outlets. Considering how the world has evolved over the past few years, this is a problem. Kind of.

I'm going to share my own personal thoughts on this, from how I see it. You might not agree (but then, we don't have to agree on everything) and that's fine. This is just to give you some food for thought.

First of all, we can recognize that things need to change in terms of live coverage. Not just for the Olympic Games, but in general. I'll get to this in a minute.

We can also recognize that NBC could do some things better. For instance, I would have loved to see the "Abide with Me" 7/7 tribute during the Opening Ceremony, instead of an interview from Ryan Seacrest. Actually, I would have probably watched the Opening Ceremony twice if it had been streamed live (because I could have watched it on TV later too), and I don't exactly buy NBC's claim that we wouldn't have understood it without the commentating. We probably understood it better than Matt and Meredith.

I also think it's silly to claim that we can all watch it free online, when that's not really true. If you have a cable TV provider, you sure can. If you're like me, you have to find another way (and a friend willing to share a login) to watch events you want to watch live. I don't mind watching coverage on TV, but if I want to watch live, I should have an option (like this article points out, NBC could offer an option to pay for an Olympic package as they did for the Tour de France - I would gladly pony up for the ability to watch live online).

Sometimes technology isn't everything.

It could be better. But you know, people are watching it anyway. NBC has posted record numbers for the first three nights of primetime coverage from London. As sports business reporter Darren Rovell said in a tweet this morning: "NBC gets best Sunday overnight for a non-US Olympics yesterday, up 2% over Beijing, which had more high profile events live."

Now you could argue that this is the only option for some. That's true. If you want to watch the Olympic Games in the U.S., NBC is your guy. They have held broadcast rights for Summer Games since 1988 (2002 for Winter) and they will continue to hold rights until 2020. Personally, I enjoy their coverage. It's sometimes too much, with the fluff and Seacrest now in a position that many (including me) believe should be reserved for those who actually know and understand sport. But those stories and the fluff also teach you a little bit about the athletes, who are really the focus here.

When it comes to social media and the topic of "spoilers" - well, this is not new. I remember 2008 and the Olympic Games. If you were lucky enough to live in Eastern or Central time (you know, as majority of the U.S. does), you got to see many events live. You knew what was happening as it happened, and it wasn't because of Twitter. Because I lived in Colorado, I had to avoid Facebook and texts until I saw the races I wanted to see if I wanted to be surprised. Same thing in 2010. If you lived in Mountain or Pacific time, where the Games were actually happening, you still were forced to watch on a delay.

So while many East-coasters are concerned about the tape delays, this is just part of normalcy for some of us. Why can't we put Mountain and Pacific time zones on the same viewing schedule as Eastern and Central for two weeks? We do it for the NCAA tournament. For the Superbowl. For the Oscars. That's about it, unless it's a cable broadcast.

But I get it. It has to do with money, and contracts, and what NBC (and other broadcasters) believe people want to see. While people are shaking their fists and shouting about the primetime coverage, at least for now, it's done. It's not going to be so easy to change a contract for advertising during a primetime show now that the Games have started. Maybe NBC should have aired the Lochte/Phelps showdown in the 400 I.M. on TV, live, instead of relying on online streams and the tape-delayed race in primetime. But when your content plan is laid out (with advertising no less), it's not always so easy to change midway through.

My other thought? NBC didn't realize people would prefer a television broadcast over live streams online. In such a digital age, when everyone is linked in all the time (maybe too often), they thought they were providing an excellent alternative in the form of live streams (which, like I said, don't help those of us without cable but are great for people who want to watch as it is happening).

I can't say any of this for sure, because I am just an observer and long-time Olympic fan, and not some kind of television executive. I believe that NBC thought they could offer something to appease the masses (live streaming) while continuing a formula that has obviously worked for them in the past. Times are changing, and our event coverage needs to catch up with the world we live in, absolutely, but it's not going to change today, or tomorrow. Keep in mind though, it wasn't that long ago that we either had to watch the broadcast or find out who won an event by reading the newspaper, and that the Paralympic Games still won't be broadcast in the U.S. at all this year.

There may be a better answer to the question of Olympic coverage in the future - you know it, and I know it. But for now? I want to just watch the Games, cheer for Team USA and celebrate the successes of our athletes, whether I find out about it on Twitter moments after it happens or I wait until 7 p.m. to watch it on TV.

(I have some positive things to say about the Olympic Games as always, but I'll save it for another post.)