The Back Story:

We have to do a certain number of random cell search per shift. We are looking for contraband, trash, food trays, weapons, etc. They are totally random (They really are.. usually look at the log book and see who hasn’t been hit in a while to spread it out).

We are on of the General Population units were we have been having issues with cell phones. It is AMAZING how many cell phones make it into prisons. I have personally found two and before this day is over that number will hit 3. That last 2 phones we have found were almost flushed in the toilet. The process for the shakedowns is to strip the inmates to their boxers and perform a strip search and then to place them in the sally port or shower area while you search the cells. The problem here is you come to the door and tell them to cuff up and they have 345 days to move and hide and try to flush stuff. You can still write them up but without hard evidence it is hard to get a charge to stick. The previous 2 phones found were flushed as we watched. They, however, got stuck and didn’t go down so we were able to get them from the toilet and file charges.

Now we do things a bit different. Long story short we get in before they can react. We get into a cell after locking the inmates in the shower and begin our search. We find trash, pornography, and a few food trays. Nothing we haven’t seen before. Something catches the eye of a fellow officer near the window. It is a very long string/rope with a laundry bag tied to it. The slang word for these in a prison is a Cadillac. They are used to fetch kites, or notes to you and me, from on the run. The Inmate Pony Express if you will. Now the windows have 5 panes of glass on them that tilt to open to allow for air flow. The outer window has a mesh type metal weave to keep them from throwing stuff out. However, this cell had a hole in the mesh about 4 inches by 6 inches. Just to be funny.. we decided to go fishing.

I took the laundry bag and placed it through the hole and lowered it down till the string was fully unwound. My fellow officers and I joked that all we needed was a few sandwiches and some beer and it would be like we are on the lake. Just as I said it.. my eyes lit up. I GOT A BITE. I felt a tug on the string. I reeled in my catch and guess what I found.

Another damn cell phone. No #$*(! This is a TRUE story and it gets better. We couldn’t believe it. I lowered the bag back down after removing the phone. About 30 seconds later, ANOTHER bite! I reeling in the rope and I know have a charger for my new cell phone.

The fish were REALLY biting today so I throw my line back out there and wait. It takes a little longer this time but I feel another tug. I reel it in and I get a nice can of smokeless tobacco! Just what every fisherman needs to complete his fishing experience. I am a REAL fisherman now.

We figured out how long the rope was and headed down stairs to look the “fish” in the eyes and tell them about their new write-ups. Was a pretty funny day. Good Stuff.

6 hours off of cadet status and I get a call from our Chief of Security’s office asking me if I would like to volunteer for some OT. Now I HATE working doubles….. on the units. This was a trip! My first gun-carrying assignment. I was excited and accepted without knowing ANY details. I just wanted to get my feet wet.

We have a lifer with a medical issue that requires he take a trip to the City (2 hours away) 5 times a week. He is a high risk inmate so this requires 4 officers escort him, one being a Lieutenant. You have 2 officers handing him and 2 in a chase vehicle.

Getting a high risk inmate out of a maximum security prison is a chore but necessary evil I suppose. We pick him up from our high max unit about 1420 hours.

He is stripped searched and placed in restraints. The restraints consist of Handcuffs and leg irons. A “black box” is also placed over the cuffs and a belly chain is put around the waist. The belly chain is then attached to the black box with a padlock to keep the hands low near the waist. There is only enough slack to allow the inmate to lower his mouth to his hands to eat for long road trips. He is then taken to IHCC (Medical) to be x-rayed for contraband. (See: This story).

Once cleared by medical he is taken to the Captain’s office for verification and ID. Have to make sure he is the right guy. After that and driving through 3 sally port gates (and having the van shook down each time) we are on the road.

We drive this inmate 2 hours to the city. When we arrive, they are ready for him and we are there for 20 minutes. After the treatment we are back in the van and headed home. 2 more hours and we start the process all over again, just this time in reverse. The inmate is placed back in High Max by 2030 and the trip is over. An easy 6 and 1/2 hours of OT and not mind numbing boring. Needless to say I asked for this assignment. I would do this EVERYDAY if they would let me. Cross your fingers for me!

It was a humid overcast Monday and we were running out yard. The unit we were running is a max general pop run so we have to remove them one cell at a time and lock them into the cages on the yard individually. Needless to say, It takes a long time. We are almost finished putting them out when the sky opens and it starts to pour, Hard! The last 5 cells decide they aren’t going out. We check with the tower officers to see if there is lightning. There is none so we continue on down to bring in the other yard.

As we head downstairs a call on the radio comes that there is a fight on the yard down the hill in another one of the General Pop yards. We leave a control room officer and a few cadets (it was around 9:00 count so someone needed to stay and count) behind and head down to respond.

The tower officer called in the fight and when enough of us arrived (12-13) we entered the yard. We separated the two fighting and restrained them. After a bit of talking, the inmates were escorted to medical to check for injuries.

Here is where the talent comes in. One of these inmates as “keistering.” That is what we call it when they have contraband stuff in their backside. The X-ray showed this guy had a 6″-8″ shank in his rear end! Answer me this.. how the hell do you roll around and fight with a pointy 8″ piece of steel up your butt?

Man, that’s talent!

In my absence it seems there was a stabbing on the unit I work. I believe the guy stabbed was close to getting out. Don’t know a lot of the details but he was MediFlighted to the hospital so that isn’t a good sign. As far as inmates goes, he was respectful and did what he was told (see: he was getting out soon). The summer heat and lack of air conditioning is causing some issues. Last week there was a fight on a unit that caused us to respond in force. While we all responded to the first fight, a second, bigger fight broke out. Was a busy day.

Doctor says I can go back to work soon.. Probably Thursday. Light in my eye hurts and can cause damage or even blindness so no taking chances for me.

On that note, It is now official. I am a Corrections Officer. On top of that, it took 1 hour and 23 minutes to be involved in my first use of force as a full CO.

Inmate Whineypants, we’ll call him, decided he didn’t’ want a cell mate after one was assigned to him. After the yard we told him to locked down and go to his house. He refused.. got REALLY lippy then lunged at an officer. He was promptly retrained and protected to the ground and cuffed.

This brought on my first incident report as well. Those are a treat and everyone should get to write them (I know, I know.. sarcasm is lost on the internet).

The first 1/2 day was fine on Monday. Woke up Tuesday and thought “Hey.. I’m not sore.. what’s all the fuss about?” After the 9 hours of constant 85 degree sweatbox and getting thrown to the mat and torqued with Ikkyo choke from behinds and Ikkyo knife thrusts to the stomach about 30-40 times a technique.. well.. it sucked. I woke up Wednesday morning to some ache. No.. not ache.. P A I N. My neck hurt. My shoulder hurt. Hell.. My ass hurt.

Wednesday also brought us to “The Snake.” The snake is a teamwork building exercise where the entire class (35 of us) lay down on our stomachs holding the feet of the person in front of you. Now, you must stay with your stomach to the mat and maneuver through a course of pads. The course went from the sides to the middle to the sides back to the middle to the other side and so on and so on. Once you reached the end you could stand up. The kicker here is that if anyone touched a pad or let go of the person in front of them, EVERYONE in the snake in front of them had to go to the back of the line and begin again. It took us 3 hours. Can you say tired? We can. Hoorah class W070907!

Really enjoyed the instructors. We learned some extra stuff that we weren’t tested on that was pretty cool! All in All, Self Defense week was great. Good work out, sweat like a dog, and learned a few things. Thank god it is over!

Our instructor had two tables full of contraband (n. Any item or substance not authorized by the department or law to be possessed by an inmate or person within the facility (<=Hint: Test question!). It ranged from a normal Bic lighter to a 3 foot lawnmower blade made into a machete.

Our class of 36 was split into two groups and we got to take turns hiding some of this stuff on our person while the other group had to come in and perform clothed searches. You would be surprised how much crap you can hide on your person and even someone doing a REAL “thorough” (another test question!) job can miss. Cuff keys seemed to be the hardest to find which really opens your eyes to the risks we have just showing up for work everyday.

It is a fact.. you will NEVER get it all.. but getting 90% of the contraband off the yard and out of the inmates possession is a huge step.

The grid search was entertaining as well. It was a HUGE space and some of the stuff just blends right into the ground and is easily missed (It didn’t help they had just mowed and didn’t use a bag to catch the clippings!). This was a great learning experience but I am so very ready to get back to work.

3 more weeks!

Man.. Week 2 of the academy started today. Got to meet our self defense instructor. He is a 20 year veteran of the DOC and a retired Marine drill instructor. Do the math on that one. I have been working out on my trusty bowflex for a month or so now and I am still hurting.

Lets see.. Patterns of movement. Patterns of movement are 12 steps (like dancing) that help you to move and position yourself in a fight to strike or “tactically relocate” (We don’t retreat.. we tactically relocate). They are diagonal movements to the front, rear, and both sides. It was a good aerobic warm up to the REAL exercises.

The trusty ol’ push up. The vertical leg lift. The “roll and lunge.” We would be on our backs as if knocked down. With your right foot behind your left knee, you would bring your knee to you chest to make a rocking chair with your back, rock back to gain momentum and LUNGE forward to pounce and strike your target. You would land on your forearms with your legs slightly apart and on your toes in a half push up position. Then we would do about 10 push ups from this position, roll over, and repeat.

Now.. in the middle of these, there were a few of my brothers and sisters that were getting lazy and resting their hips on the ground. This really pissed the instructor off and we had to do army crawls from one end of the 25 yard room to the other.

We learned about four to five other blocks and strikes and did lots of reps. All in all, it was only about a 45 minute workout but effective.

Needless to say, I sweat my ass off.

Weight Update: When I started at the wall I weighed 244 lbs. After 2 months inside and 1 week at the academy I am down to 227. 22 more to go!

However, I do have a gripe about what happened today at the range. We are in the classroom (Ha! It is actually a mobile home next to the range as our range is on the prison grounds, just about a mile away from the actual prison.) The ENTIRE morning is spent covering nothing but firearm safety and range safety. Sometime in the morning one of my fellow cadets ask our instructor and range master if he could bring in his personal firearm for the instructor to look at as he was an accomplished gunsmith as well. He was told he could as long as it was unloaded and he didn’t bring any ammo for the weapon.

After lunch we are standing outside and I am talking to the our instructor just shooting the breeze. This cadet walks up to use holding an empty magazine and his Glock 9MM handgun. This isn’t weird since we all heard him ask permission. The thing is this jackass was talking towards with the slide closed and he is covering everyone standing around with the muzzle of this weapon.

I have known this guy for a few days (he is a new cadet) and for all I know that thing is loaded. The instructor and I both catch it at the same time and both of us in unison begin to do the “Hey Jackass, You are pointing a weapon at me dance.” You know what I mean, right? We are bobbin’ and weavin’ like someone is actually shooting at us trying to get out of the way of the barrel. The instructor is yelling at the guy with some choice words and I am yelling at him telling him he has about .2 seconds to uncover me with that weapon or I am going to point one at him that I know is loaded.

I couldn’t believe we just spent the better part of the morning discussing gun safety and this fool is walking around pointing a gun a 12 people at random. It is going to be a LONG 7 days on the range with this guy. Please remember me in your prayers. I am likely to end up with a slug in my ass.