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Zero Life – Depression In A Can

reesan — Mon, 14 May 2012 11:18:08 +0000

Have no friends? Feeling sorry for yourself? Emotionally vulnerable? Never fear! The Japanese brewery Orion have come to the rescue with “Zero Life” – depression in a can.

Orion puts great emphasis on recycling all its waste, producing “zero elimination”. Hence, the marketing intention of “Zero Life” was probably to promote a lifestyle beer produced with zero waste. Instead, what they ended up with was a ‘you have no life you loser so you better start drowning your sorrows’ beer.

Image source: Billy

Orion is the 5th largest beer brewery in Japan and is headquartered in Okinawa. Although it only has around a 1% market share of the Japanese beer market it controls over 50% of the beer market on Okinawa.

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The Rock Bar

reesan — Tue, 06 Mar 2012 11:13:11 +0000

Last year on a trip to Indonesia we stayed at the AYANA Resort and Spa Bali in Jimbaran Bay. A highlight of our trip was priority access to the Rock Bar, which is one of the best places to watch the sunset in Bali. Cocktails, crashing waves, cranking tunes and a cool sunset. What more in life do you need? If you make your way to Bali, be sure to check this place out.

360-degrees of sheer glamour, on the rocks.

Perched at the base of the towering cliffs of the AYANA Resort and Spa Bali property the Rock Bar is set upon a rocky outcrop along the coastline of the Indian Ocean. Guests ride a special cable car down a dramatic cliff face to get to this innovative open-top bar which hosts Bali’s most glamorous sunset. It is a popular after-dark destination offering a chic ambience and superstar views as the rhythm of the ocean merges with the funky tunes vibing from the DJ booth elevated above the bar.

The location is not the only thing ‘on the rocks’. Signature cocktails are served in chic glasses suspended over natural rocks, within an ingenious fish-bowl base. A delectable selection of tapas is also served ‘on the rocks’, on natural stone plates. Even your bill is presented ‘on the rocks’, as waves break below and stars glitter above, with only the sea between you and the horizon.

The bar’s innovative, minimalist design by Yasuhiro Koichi of Japan’s Design Studio SPIN exploits the natural formation and character of the rock on which the bar sits, 14 meters above the ocean at the base of AYANA’s towering cliffs. Your 360-degree vantage point affords nothing between you and the horizon but shimmering ocean waves (and the odd traditional fishing boat, adding another touch of magic to postcard-worthy photos).

The bar itself was created by Japanese glass artist Seiki Torige using thousands of layers of recycled glass canes. Descent to the bar is via an inclinator that traverses the cliff-face, giving you a bird’s eye view before you officially arrive to take your seat for the dazzling ‘aquatic fireworks’, a result of crashing waves coming off a 100m-long coral reef at high tide. Either side of the main rock extending along the beach, wooden deck areas provide additional viewing points, one of which is accessed via a natural cave.

Signature cocktails designed by international bar consultant Sebastien Bonnefoi use only the highest-quality imported liquors blended with local fruits, herbs and spices to complement the natural setting. The entertainment line-up is just as inspiring. Live bands provide magical acoustic performances from their open-air stage amongst the rocks; gigs have included Third Eye Blind, Indonesia’s own Superman Is Dead, and grassroots acts from Australia and the USA. Resident music director Martin East leads a stellar DJ line-up spinning Balaeric, Nu-Disco, Deep House, and Chill Out beats every sunset and late-nights on weekends. Guest DJs have included Indonesia’s #1 DJ/producer, Riri Mestica, as well as international names like Andy Caldwell and Bruno From Ibiza.

Sunset is the busiest time and there is often a queue at the inclinator; in-house guests of AYANA enjoy VIP service with priority access to skip the queue. Night-time is just as magical but in a more intimate, sensual way, with twinkling stars above, spot-lit ocean and cooler night air. A dress code applies, requiring smart attire. No singlets or boardshorts, and no alcohol-branded attire are permitted.

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The Face Slimmer

reesan — Sun, 12 Feb 2012 11:59:03 +0000

“To get and maintain the perfect visage, you don’t need the cosmetic surgeon’s knife. All you need is a mouthpiece. Yes, the Face Slimmer is a simple solution to the timeless problem of how to give sagging facial skin and muscles that much-needed daily lift. Just three minutes per day is all you need; pop in the mold and then make mouth movements. The makers recommend you say vowel sounds out loud over and over again, producing regular and methodical exercises that will strength the twelve facial expression muscles in a comprehensive way.”

Now come one! Who falls for this shit? Is this really an anti-wrinkle device or is it the result of a society that have been become so dependent upon sex dolls that, when it come to the real thing, they are only stimulated by the sensual touch of plastic? Or maybe this is the marketing angle:

Are you looking for a man in a society that has a declining population? Are you searching for a companion but find yourself competing with sexy anime characters and life-like love dolls? Well, fear not, we have the device that will win hearts for you. Just pop this silicone badboy into your mouth and we’ll have you looking like a Dutch wife with a perfect pair of blow job lips in no time. Batteries sold separately.

A big up to Fidel Hart from Scene With A Hart for pointing me in the direction of this awesome Valentine’s Day gift.

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The Deer Humper

reesan — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 11:38:46 +0000

The 1978 movie, the Deer Hunter, with Robert De Niro meditates and explores the moral and mental consequences of war violence and politically-manipulated patriotism upon the meaning of friendship, honor, and family in a tightly-knit community and deals with controversial issues such as drug abuse, suicide, infidelity and mental illness.

This post has nothing to do with that. This post is a tribute to Nate Jensen, The Deer Humper, author of the Japanese-English Guide to Sex, Kink and Naughtiness, as he explores the art of humping statues.

Apparently there is a certain code of ethics that statue humpers abide by. The rules of conduct can be found at ihumpthings.com.

The Deer Humper

No animal is safe around the Nate Dawg. He is also indiscriminate about the material used to construct the statue. Metal, bronze or wood are all fair game.

Nate humps a bear

He is the self-proclaimed Casanova of Tokyo’s mannequin underworld.

Nate hits on a mannequin

Nate loves a good arse licking. Not even food is safe around Nate. He has a keen eye for an opportunity.

Arse Lick

Yonic Onion Rings

The sinister smile of The Deer Humper.

Nate & Jonathan

If you enjoyed this article and want to further enlighten your Japanese language and cultural studies don’t forget to check out Nate’s book The Japanese-English Guide to Sex, Kink and Naughtiness. It contains an exhaustive collection of over 500 sexy, kinky and naughty words and descriptions not found in ordinary dictionaries or language guides.

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Porn Laundry Service

reesan — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 11:47:00 +0000

Where do you take your “dirty” laundry? To the Porn Laundry Service of course. They can get out those toughest of stains with a full-service wash. Just drop off your load and they’ll do it by hand.

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All Eyez On Loco

reesan — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 12:54:23 +0000

Influential blogger Baye McNeil (a.k.a. Loco) of Loco In Yokohama notoriety recently released his powerful, controversial and much anticipated debut book Hi! My Name is Loco and I am a Racist. The self-published book was auspiciously released on January 15 2012, the birthday of civil rights activist Martin Luther King, Jr.

The theme of the book – racism – as suggested by the book’s title, was triggered by a compilation of Loco’s own racial observations and encounters in Japan since his expatriation to the island nation around 8 years ago. He also draws inspiration from a lifetime of experiences starting from his childhood on the streets of Brooklyn, New York.

The 392-page book was spawned by a thought-provoking and critically-acclaimed series of posts that appeared on Loco’s blog – Loco In Yokohama – last year. The series was provocatively entitled “Hi! My Name is Loco and I am a Racist”, the book’s namesake, where he candidly and openly explored the issue of racism sharing with his readers a dearth of unpleasant interactions with everyday people of Japan and contemplated whether these interactions were as a result of racism, xenophobia or another fear-based feeling that his presence inspired. His postulations ignited a raging debate on his blog which prodded Loco to continue the quest in search of an answer.

The immense popularity of the blog series gave birth to the book, which is available as an e-book on Kindle with a digital list price of US$9.99. The paperback version is still being perfected and due for imminent release. Tune in on the buzz about this dream-fulfilling endeavour by an iconic j-blogger and all-round good guy by checking out the following positive vibes:

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Door Knob Girl

reesan — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 11:31:46 +0000

Due to censorship, Japan is infamous for using a wide variety of stand-ins for the phallus. The use of tentacles for example has a long history, dating back to the 19th century when Edo period artist Hokusai was one of the first to depict tentacle erotica with The Dream of the Fisherman’s Wife, and the following sub-genre of women engaging in sexual activity with sea creatures.

In what appears to be porn that only a locksmith can appreciate Door Knob Girl has appeared on the scene, and bless her E. coli licking heart. Door Knob Girl is a website gone viral that features, you guessed it, a collection of photos of girls licking doorknobs.

It begs the question – has Door Knob Girl been spawned by all of the pixelation and mosaicing required by the Japanese censorship laws to obscure genitalia in Japanese pornography or is she just another one of those “Only in Japan” fetishes? According to it’s creators – artist Ryuko Azuma and photographer Ai Ehara – Door Knob Girl is simply psychosexual art.

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On The Blink

reesan — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 12:50:10 +0000

Japanese speakers who learn English as a second language later than childhood often have difficulty in hearing and producing /l/ and /r/ accurately. The advertisement below for the book On The Brink: Inside the Race to Stop the Collapse of the Global Financial System is an example of the difficulty that native Japanese speakers have in perceiving the acoustic differences between English /r/ and /l/.

Hank Paulson, the former CEO of Goldman Sachs, was at the absolute epicentre of the recent economic storm, and his account of how he dealt with the greatest financial crisis since the Great Depression was quite appropriately translated into Engrish: “On The Blink”: an idiom for malfunctioning, out of order or broken. As opposed to “brink”: verge, the limit beyond which something happens or changes, the edge of a steep place.

The book title ‘On The Brink’ suggests that we were on the verge of disaster hanging on the edge of collapse whereas ‘On The Blink’ softens it somewhat to mean a slight malfunction that can be fixed like one of those vintage televisions where you just gave it a hit on it’s side to get it working again.

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Crazy Frog

reesan — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 11:29:32 +0000

Back when my first child Ash-kun was born I remember how helpless I felt being there as my missus zoomz underwent a prolonged and painful labour. zoomz had insisted on giving birth naturally and she was a damn hell of a trooper about it as well. Unfortunately the Gods were not on her side that day. Ash-kun had failed to progress after 12 torturous hours and he had started to show signs of distress. It was therefore decided that he would be delivered by Caesarean section.

I accompanied zoomz to the operating theater where a team of obstetricians prepared to perform the C-section. To obstruct our view of the action that was about to occur they placed a screen over zoomz’s chest. On the ‘business end’ side of the screen the doctor made an incision in her abdominal wall and uterus and pulled Ash-kun from the womb and into the world.

The doctor held Ash-kun up and proudly announced “Congratulations! It’s a boy!” I popped my head above the screen for a look and remember thinking “Oh My God! It’s a frog! No, it’s an alien frog!” To be brutally honest, there was a fleeting moment where I had wondered if he was a science experiment gone wrong. In Ash-kun’s defence the poor kid was overdue and a Caesar which I guess meant that, without a vaginal delivery, he didn’t have the chance to get the juices squeezed from him on the way out giving him a bloated ‘alien frog’ look and a pair of Simpson-esque eyes.

Crazy Frog

The screen was still obstructing zoomz’s view which meant that she missed the introduction of Ash-kun. She requested for the screen to be lowered so that she could see her first child. I tried to convince her not to worry and that she could see him later. I assured her that everything was fine and that she should now focus on her recovery. I’m not sure what I was thinking, most probably I foolishly thought that the sight of an ‘alien frog’ would trigger the onset of postnatal depression. Her polite request turned into an insistant demand to which the medical staff lowered the screen so that she could have her first glimpse.

There was a falseness in zoomz’s voice as she exclaimed “oh, he’s beautiful”. I could tell, because it was the same falseness that was in my voice. Later we both laughed as we compared notes on what we both thought when Ash-kun was first presented to us. I mean, it didn’t take long for Ash-kun’s bloated look to disappear and for us to turn into the kind of doting parents who biasly think that their child is the cutest kid ever but, truth be told, that first instance was a ‘what the hell have we done’ moment.

Coincidentally, at around the same time Crazy Frog released a worldwide hit, a remix/mashup cover version of the song Axel F. Compare the pictures. I just can’t help but think that Ash-kun is the Crazy Frog!

Crazy Frog, originally known as The Annoying Thing, is a helium-voiced, bluish-gray, computer-animated character created in 2003 by Erik Wernquist that became a pop culture epidemic in Europe and especially the U.K., with ringtones, TV commercials, pop songs, and other forms of (over)exposure.

Following is the vid of the remixed/mashed up song Axel F.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aGeqQp5h1E8

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Battle of the Bilingual Household

reesan — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 10:16:52 +0000

A little while back I wrote a guest post over at Raising Adelaide about the struggle that my wife (“zoomz”) and I have in raising our child (“Ash-kun”) in a bilingual household of English and Japanese.

Ash-kun

Obviously there is no better way to learn a second language than hearing it from birth but what happens if you notice a language developmental issue? Is simultaneous acquisition of both languages the cause? Should you abandon one language in order to consolidate the other? Which language should get priority?

We noticed early on what we thought was a language developmental issue with Ash-kun and made the regrettable decision to abandon the Japanese language. To this day we have struggled to reintroduce the second language sequentially.

Below is an extract from my guest post. If the topic is of interest to you head on over, check it out and join the dialogue.

Although we had set out with best intentions to pass on two languages, we had found it more complicated than we had originally assumed. Ash-kun’s competence in each language was slow to develop. By the time Ash-kun was 2 years of age his English vocabulary was noticeably limited compared to other Aussie kids in his day care. In Japanese he was only able to understand basic instruction and was unable to communicate in the language.

Concerned that he was confused as a result of being overloaded with both languages, zoomz made the fateful decision to stop communicating with him in Japanese and to switch exclusively to English. This decision went against all of the advice that we had been given that suggested that Ash-kun’s hindered language developmental progress was natural as there was a view that children who acquire more than one language simultaneously generally experience language delay.

Click here to read more: Battle of the Bilingual Household

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