LLP

The Deer Humper

reesan — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 11:38:46 +0000

The 1978 movie, the Deer Hunter, with Robert De Niro meditates and explores the moral and mental consequences of war violence and politically-manipulated patriotism upon the meaning of friendship, honor, and family in a tightly-knit community and deals with controversial issues such as drug abuse, suicide, infidelity and mental illness.

This post has nothing to do with that. This post is a tribute to Nate Jensen, The Deer Humper, author of the Japanese-English Guide to Sex, Kink and Naughtiness, as he explores the art of humping statues.

Apparently there is a certain code of ethics that statue humpers abide by. The rules of conduct can be found at ihumpthings.com.

The Deer Humper

No animal is safe around the Nate Dawg. He is also indiscriminate about the material used to construct the statue. Metal, bronze or wood are all fair game.

Nate humps a bear

He is the self-proclaimed Casanova of Tokyo’s mannequin underworld.

Nate hits on a mannequin

Nate loves a good arse licking. Not even food is safe around Nate. He has a keen eye for an opportunity.

Arse Lick

Yonic Onion Rings

The sinister smile of The Deer Humper.

Nate & Jonathan

If you enjoyed this article and want to further enlighten your Japanese language and cultural studies don’t forget to check out Nate’s book The Japanese-English Guide to Sex, Kink and Naughtiness. It contains an exhaustive collection of over 500 sexy, kinky and naughty words and descriptions not found in ordinary dictionaries or language guides.

LLP.

Porn Laundry Service

reesan — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 11:47:00 +0000

Where do you take your “dirty” laundry? To the Porn Laundry Service of course. They can get out those toughest of stains with a full-service wash. Just drop off your load and they’ll do it by hand.

LLP.

All Eyez On Loco

reesan — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 12:54:23 +0000

Influential blogger Baye McNeil (a.k.a. Loco) of Loco In Yokohama notoriety recently released his powerful, controversial and much anticipated debut book Hi! My Name is Loco and I am a Racist. The self-published book was auspiciously released on January 15 2012, the birthday of civil rights activist Martin Luther King, Jr.

The theme of the book – racism – as suggested by the book’s title, was triggered by a compilation of Loco’s own racial observations and encounters in Japan since his expatriation to the island nation around 8 years ago. He also draws inspiration from a lifetime of experiences starting from his childhood on the streets of Brooklyn, New York.

The 392-page book was spawned by a thought-provoking and critically-acclaimed series of posts that appeared on Loco’s blog – Loco In Yokohama – last year. The series was provocatively entitled “Hi! My Name is Loco and I am a Racist”, the book’s namesake, where he candidly and openly explored the issue of racism sharing with his readers a dearth of unpleasant interactions with everyday people of Japan and contemplated whether these interactions were as a result of racism, xenophobia or another fear-based feeling that his presence inspired. His postulations ignited a raging debate on his blog which prodded Loco to continue the quest in search of an answer.

The immense popularity of the blog series gave birth to the book, which is available as an e-book on Kindle with a digital list price of US$9.99. The paperback version is still being perfected and due for imminent release. Tune in on the buzz about this dream-fulfilling endeavour by an iconic j-blogger and all-round good guy by checking out the following positive vibes:

LLP.

Door Knob Girl

reesan — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 11:31:46 +0000

Due to censorship, Japan is infamous for using a wide variety of stand-ins for the phallus. The use of tentacles for example has a long history, dating back to the 19th century when Edo period artist Hokusai was one of the first to depict tentacle erotica with The Dream of the Fisherman’s Wife, and the following sub-genre of women engaging in sexual activity with sea creatures.

In what appears to be porn that only a locksmith can appreciate Door Knob Girl has appeared on the scene, and bless her E. coli licking heart. Door Knob Girl is a website gone viral that features, you guessed it, a collection of photos of girls licking doorknobs.

It begs the question – has Door Knob Girl been spawned by all of the pixelation and mosaicing required by the Japanese censorship laws to obscure genitalia in Japanese pornography or is she just another one of those “Only in Japan” fetishes? According to it’s creators – artist Ryuko Azuma and photographer Ai Ehara – Door Knob Girl is simply psychosexual art.

LLP.

On The Blink

reesan — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 12:50:10 +0000

Japanese speakers who learn English as a second language later than childhood often have difficulty in hearing and producing /l/ and /r/ accurately. The advertisement below for the book On The Brink: Inside the Race to Stop the Collapse of the Global Financial System is an example of the difficulty that native Japanese speakers have in perceiving the acoustic differences between English /r/ and /l/.

Hank Paulson, the former CEO of Goldman Sachs, was at the absolute epicentre of the recent economic storm, and his account of how he dealt with the greatest financial crisis since the Great Depression was quite appropriately translated into Engrish: “On The Blink”: an idiom for malfunctioning, out of order or broken. As opposed to “brink”: verge, the limit beyond which something happens or changes, the edge of a steep place.

The book title ‘On The Brink’ suggests that we were on the verge of disaster hanging on the edge of collapse whereas ‘On The Blink’ softens it somewhat to mean a slight malfunction that can be fixed like one of those vintage televisions where you just gave it a hit on it’s side to get it working again.

LLP.

Crazy Frog

reesan — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 11:29:32 +0000

Back when my first child Ash-kun was born I remember how helpless I felt being there as my missus zoomz underwent a prolonged and painful labour. zoomz had insisted on giving birth naturally and she was a damn hell of a trooper about it as well. Unfortunately the Gods were not on her side that day. Ash-kun had failed to progress after 12 torturous hours and he had started to show signs of distress. It was therefore decided that he would be delivered by Caesarean section.

I accompanied zoomz to the operating theater where a team of obstetricians prepared to perform the C-section. To obstruct our view of the action that was about to occur they placed a screen over zoomz’s chest. On the ‘business end’ side of the screen the doctor made an incision in her abdominal wall and uterus and pulled Ash-kun from the womb and into the world.

The doctor held Ash-kun up and proudly announced “Congratulations! It’s a boy!” I popped my head above the screen for a look and remember thinking “Oh My God! It’s a frog! No, it’s an alien frog!” To be brutally honest, there was a fleeting moment where I had wondered if he was a science experiment gone wrong. In Ash-kun’s defence the poor kid was overdue and a Caesar which I guess meant that, without a vaginal delivery, he didn’t have the chance to get the juices squeezed from him on the way out giving him a bloated ‘alien frog’ look and a pair of Simpson-esque eyes.

Crazy Frog

The screen was still obstructing zoomz’s view which meant that she missed the introduction of Ash-kun. She requested for the screen to be lowered so that she could see her first child. I tried to convince her not to worry and that she could see him later. I assured her that everything was fine and that she should now focus on her recovery. I’m not sure what I was thinking, most probably I foolishly thought that the sight of an ‘alien frog’ would trigger the onset of postnatal depression. Her polite request turned into an insistant demand to which the medical staff lowered the screen so that she could have her first glimpse.

There was a falseness in zoomz’s voice as she exclaimed “oh, he’s beautiful”. I could tell, because it was the same falseness that was in my voice. Later we both laughed as we compared notes on what we both thought when Ash-kun was first presented to us. I mean, it didn’t take long for Ash-kun’s bloated look to disappear and for us to turn into the kind of doting parents who biasly think that their child is the cutest kid ever but, truth be told, that first instance was a ‘what the hell have we done’ moment.

Coincidentally, at around the same time Crazy Frog released a worldwide hit, a remix/mashup cover version of the song Axel F. Compare the pictures. I just can’t help but think that Ash-kun is the Crazy Frog!

Crazy Frog, originally known as The Annoying Thing, is a helium-voiced, bluish-gray, computer-animated character created in 2003 by Erik Wernquist that became a pop culture epidemic in Europe and especially the U.K., with ringtones, TV commercials, pop songs, and other forms of (over)exposure.

Following is the vid of the remixed/mashed up song Axel F.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=aGeqQp5h1E8

LLP.

Battle of the Bilingual Household

reesan — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 10:16:52 +0000

A little while back I wrote a guest post over at Raising Adelaide about the struggle that my wife (“zoomz”) and I have in raising our child (“Ash-kun”) in a bilingual household of English and Japanese.

Ash-kun

Obviously there is no better way to learn a second language than hearing it from birth but what happens if you notice a language developmental issue? Is simultaneous acquisition of both languages the cause? Should you abandon one language in order to consolidate the other? Which language should get priority?

We noticed early on what we thought was a language developmental issue with Ash-kun and made the regrettable decision to abandon the Japanese language. To this day we have struggled to reintroduce the second language sequentially.

Below is an extract from my guest post. If the topic is of interest to you head on over, check it out and join the dialogue.

Although we had set out with best intentions to pass on two languages, we had found it more complicated than we had originally assumed. Ash-kun’s competence in each language was slow to develop. By the time Ash-kun was 2 years of age his English vocabulary was noticeably limited compared to other Aussie kids in his day care. In Japanese he was only able to understand basic instruction and was unable to communicate in the language.

Concerned that he was confused as a result of being overloaded with both languages, zoomz made the fateful decision to stop communicating with him in Japanese and to switch exclusively to English. This decision went against all of the advice that we had been given that suggested that Ash-kun’s hindered language developmental progress was natural as there was a view that children who acquire more than one language simultaneously generally experience language delay.

Click here to read more: Battle of the Bilingual Household

LLP.

LLP’s 2011 Year In Blogging

reesan — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 12:04:00 +0000

The WordPress stats helper monkeys put together a personalized report detailing how LLP did in 2011! Here is what they said:

Crunchy numbers

London Olympic Stadium holds 80,000 people. This blog was viewed about 500,000 times in 2011. If it were competing at London Olympic Stadium, it would take about 6 sold-out events for that many people to see it.

In 2011, there were 62 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 273 posts.

The busiest day of the year was March 18th with 4,780 views. The most popular post that day was Japanese Doggy Style Reloaded – Tosa Dog vs Human.

How did they find you?

The top referring sites in 2011 were:

Some visitors came searching, mostly for hachiko, mr miyagi, toyota, cosplay fail, and doggy style.

Where did they come from?

Most visitors came from The United States. Japan & The United Kingdom were not far behind.

Who were they?

Your most commented on post in 2011 was Nikkeijin – The Japanese Peruvians.

These were your 5 most active commenters:

scott jeppesen (59 comments)
Chris B (40 comments)
lina (29 comments)
AdelaideBen (19 comment)
Japan Australia (19 comment)

Perhaps you could follow their blog or send them a thank you note?

Attractions in 2011

These are the posts that got the most views in 2011. You can see all of the year’s most-viewed posts in your Site Stats.

Japanese Doggy Style Reloaded – Tosa Dog vs Human (18 comments) November 2009
Japanese Love Dolls – Taboo? (31 comments) March 2009
10 Weird Japanese Foods (93 comments) February 2010
Top 10 Love Hotel Room Themes (24 comments) March 2010
Puff! The Magic Upskirt iPhone App (10 comments) October 2009

Some of your most popular posts were written before 2011. Your writing has staying power! Consider writing about those topics again.

LLP.

Hits and Misses of 2011

reesan — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 02:49:47 +0000

Compared to previous years activity this site plateaued this year. In 2009 it received 169,509 hits. In 2010 it saw 467,234 hits. This year, largely due to the infrequent posting (about half as much as last year) it had only a marginal increase receiving 507,133 PVs. Most of the hits this year were fuelled by search engine traffic on previous years posts. The year wasn’t all that bad though, midway through the year the site surpassed the million PageView mark, an event that slipped through without any fanfare.

Anyway, as in previous years (here is 2009 and 2010), following is a look at 5 of the best and 5 of the worst performing posts that this site has dished up this year. The popularity, or lack thereof, is based purely upon number of pageviews.

The Hits

I Scored Last Night

Strangely, the best performing post for this site in 2011 was I Scored Last Night that featured a before and after shot that parodied Pat Morita of The Karate Kid notoriety. This post benefits from excessively high (and undeserved) Google ranking for the keyword search “Mr Miyagi”.

Tokyo Rockabilly Club

A dying breed of big fifties revivalists, the Tokyo Rockabilly Club have attained cult icon notoriety for their highly distinctive combination of Elvis hair, yakuza tattoos and predisposition to publicly jive to 50s rock ’n’ roll. This post also benefits from a high Google ranking for the keyword search “rockabilly”.

Weird Japanese Ice Cream Flavours

Weird Japanese Ice Cream Flavours is an article that lists ten weird Japanese ice cream flavours. The flavours are based upon local Japanese regional delicacies such as horse sashimi, beef tongue and whale. Facebook was the biggest referrer to this page in 2011.

Another 10 Cool Japanese Foods

Part 2 in a cool Japanese food series is Another 10 Cool Japanese Foods which showcased 10 tasty morsels of Japanese culinary goodness such as edamame, shabu-shabu, soba, tonkatsu, karaage and more. It was StumbleUpon’s biggest referral to this site for 2011.

The Japan Earthquake from Tokyo Tower

The Japan Earthquake from Tokyo Tower is an article containing footage from a tourist who was on the observation deck of the 4,000 tonne steel structure at the time that the massive earthquake struck, probably one of the last places that you would want to be during the 5th largest earthquake in recorded history.

The Misses

Keirin in Japan

Keirin, meaning “racing wheels”, is a track cycling event that originated in Japan in 1948. The article was a submission to the September 2011 Japan Blog Matsuri with the theme “Reasons to Visit Japan” and was the least viewed article on the site in 2011.

Nattō

Nattō is a Japanese superfood that is long recognized as one of Japan’s most unique traditional health foods and has been a staple source of Japanese nutrition since feudal Japan. Nattō is a powerful smelling, strong flavoured, sticky web of fermented soybeans that is highly nutritious and rich in protein.

The Pachinko Empire Strikes Back

The “Fever Star Wars” pachinko range of machines has all of the Star Wars bells and whistles — illuminating life-size lightsaber, rotating-dome astromechs, blaring Star Wars score and sound effects, TIE fighter canopy motifs, and a red-eyed Darth Vader mask dropping into view during play.

Nuts Bang!!!

Nuts Bang!!! is the 23rd single of the Japanese rock band FLOW released on 22 July 2009 to celebrate summer. This heavy-hitting, surf-inspired summertime rock release was a submission to the August 2011 Japan Blog Matsuri with the theme “Summer Lovin’!”.

Donut Punchers

The Kyushu-based romance hotel Banana & Donut (バナナとドーナツ), whose logo is a symbolism of sexual representation depicting an over-exerting banana on the verge of penetrating a coy looking donut, brazenly advertises on billboard-style highway signage this union of the phallus and yoni.

For more check out the Hits and Misses of 2009.

LLP.

Jackie Chan Bollocks

reesan — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 11:43:22 +0000

An oldie but always a goodie… in preparation for the 2002 FIFA World Cup being co-hosted by Japan and Korea comedian Paul Kaye made a satirical skit where he demonstrated the lesser known martial arts style – English football hooliganism.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=wcx-DL8-jAs

Here are a few favourite quotes from the clip:

I don’t wanna see any Jackie Chan bollocks
I wanna see some windmilling in
Watchoo fackin lookin at!?!
Cam on… u fuckin wankaa!

And if you got a set of keys on you stick them in your hands and make them count!

LLP.