I remember exactly how it felt when I was 14 and every girl in my class made sure there was no where for me to sit with my grade at lunch for two solid months of ninth grade. I remember how stressful it was to keep an A average while juggling all the extra-curricular things I was involved in after school. I remember thinking my parents were INSANE for expecting me to only talk on the phone for half an hour every day.

I remember fighting with my mom about everything from clothes to boys in middle school. I didn’t want to wear skimpy stuff to get boys’ attention (most of the time), I just wanted to wear what was in style. I wasn’t a baby. I wanted to dress how girls my age dressed. She said I’d dress how girls my age SHOULD dress. I wanted to bang my head on the wall.

So here I am, almost done leading a group of middle school girls through three years of life. They constantly remind me of my own life at that age. Wanting to be a “good girl” while still being attractive, desired, witty, and popular.

And here I am, married to that guy that mattered most to me in high school, the one who was just my friend for a couple years until I saw him for the catch he always was, and we’re raising a daughter of our own.

Stuck in limbo.

Today, I saw that Victoria’s Secret is planning to launch a line aimed at middle school girls.

The new brand called, “Bright Young Things,” includes lace black cheeksters with the word “Wild” emblazoned on it, green and white polka-dot hipsters screen printed with “Feeling Lucky?” and a lace trim thong with the words, “Call me” on the front.

When I read that, it released an all out war in my heart. Part of me wants to stop wearing Victoria’s Secret items all together, and part of me realizes it will take a lot more than that to make a difference.

Part of me is cringing because yesterday, we JUST FINISHED a four week series on sex in my middle school small group. I’m grateful we start talking about sex with these kids at 11 years old and keep the discussion going every year until they go to high school. And they can continue it there every year until they go to college.

I see every one of my girls in my mind. Precious faces. Dear to my heart, I love them all. Sick that this is marketed at them. Who needs to see their thong, asking for a phone call? Seriously, Victoria’s Secret??

In my mind, I see myself at 13, knowing all the other girls are getting this and fighting with my mom. I hear her asking me, “Why do you need underwear with writing on it? Or lace? Who is going to see that anyway?” And I say, ” NO ONE, MOM! Maybe the other girls in the locker room, who will also have it. I don’t want it so I can show it to boys! I just want to have it because it’s cute. FOR ME. Not for anyone else. GAAAH!” And she doesn’t back down, and I storm off to my room, and 14 years later, I find myself siding with her.

And for me, that’s how it would have gone. But thankfully, for girls today, that’s not the end of the story.

Victoria’s Secret isn’t the only brand out there marketing to girls and women (and sometimes, guys). There are other brands that have a message blazing across their products, and it’s a positive one.

So Worth Loving is a movement that Eryn Erickson began a few years ago. It started as a doodle in her journal. She reminded herself that she was, in fact, “so worth loving”– just as she was, just who she was made to be.

(source)

She started using stencils and spray paint to put it on shirts- for herself, for her friends (including me). And then people saw it, and something resonated within them- they needed that reminder- that they and others are worthy of love and should love themselves for who they are.

Strangers began mailing Eryn their shirts. People started tweeting it and emailing her their stories. And suddenly, this sweet person who was trying to minister to others with an idea that’s both simple to say and hard to act out- loving yourself as you are and others as they are- realized that there was a greater need for this message than her stencils and spray paint could keep up with.

So she launched the brand. So Worth Loving. It’s a challenge and a way of thinking and a reminder all wrapped up in three words.

She has multiple screen-printed shirts that are so cute, jewelry and stickers and buttons, and a second line called “Been Loved” that has the same message screen-printed on one-of-a-kind vintage clothing that she finds in stores around Atlanta.

I have one of these shirts, and I love it. Trust me, you carry yourself differently when you are wearing that message. When you wear these shirts, you feel like they’re true. You feel your self-worth. You’re more accepting of who you are. I don’t know why, but there is something about how what you wear makes you feel. You just act like it’s who you are. (Which should scare you, if you are buying sexy lingerie for your 12 year old, but I digress.)

She has a blog with multiple people who share their stories and remind others on a daily basis what it means to look past the negative around you and to love yourself.

In a world that markets lingerie to 11-year-olds, we are in desperate need of a different kind of message, and thank goodness for someone like Eryn.

I would rather see these girls, and my own daughter, plaster themselves with words of love and self-worth than “Feeling Lucky?”

I would be so grateful to see them choose to see their own value and wear it proudly on their shirts rather than declare themselves “Wild” with a lacy pair of underwear.

I don’t think the answer is angrily picketing or boycotting Victoria’s Secret, but instead, putting your money into brands that are promoting the kind of messages we want to see more of in the world.

So write your thoughts to Victoria’s Secret, let them know you don’t condone selling sex to middle school girls who are already desperate to find their worth and shouldn’t be looking for it in how sexy they can be.

Then, after you send that email or letter, let your daughter pick out a shirt or a necklace that reminds her she is already worthy -of love, respect, and admiration. It’s a far better message to send the world about our daughters. And more importantly, it’s a far better message to send our daughters about themselves.

~Meghan

To help these awesome parents (and others) along, I am going to share things that either people assume you know, that you’ll figure out, or that you will hear from someone else. Things you wish you’d known BEFORE you got to the point of learning it for yourself.

(To be fair, I may have been told some of these things, but I’ve seen that many others were not, so I’m just putting it all down.)

Without further ado, somebody should have told me…

1. That dry shampoo is your saving grace.

Moms just don’t get to shower as much as normal people. Especially when their babies are tiny.

Or maybe you get a shower, but you don’t have time to wash your hair and blow dry it.

Never fear, dry shampoo was made for days such as these. I absolutely love to use it because it is training my scalp to create less oil, it saves me on “no-wash” days, and the skipping of hair washing means my hair color stays vibrant for longer. (I know purple streaks are not the concern of many of you.)

I have used Not Your Mother’s Clean Freak Dry Shampoo and Got2B Rockin’ It Encore Fresh Dry Shampoo. My friend and hairstylist, Jennie, also tells me there is a dry shampoo that is specifically for brunettes out there (no white powder to worry is showing up), but I haven’t used it.

These are the two at Wal-Mart I’ve seen, and that’s the store closest to my house. When I want dry shampoo, I want convenience!

2. That newborns can shoot poop several feet and will try to use this odd superpower when their diapers are off.

Seriously.

Yes. Seriously.

You will inevitably decide one day that it’s harmless to change your baby on top of your master bedroom comforter and BAM! Poop everywhere.

On the comforter, your pillow, you, and the wall or lamp if they’re really talented.

Then, just to ensure that they were thorough, they will pee the biggest pee of their existence. It will soak right through that soft, downy comforter, and you will pray that you have some kind of mattress protection on your bed.

Not that I have any experience with that. I mean, I was just being specific because ….someone I know had that happen to them.

3. That there is a reason you never liked broccoli growing up.

Turns out that that stupid vegetable can wreak havoc on your kid’s intestinal system if you ingest it while nursing.

I mean, screaming for four straight hours in absolute misery in the middle of the night with gas pain until you are crying with them and hate yourself and want to take out broccoli for the sake of all mankind type of misery.

I am betting most kids hate broccoli growing up because there is some sort of deep-seated memory of the pain that came from that one stupid vegetable. (And to be fair, there are a ton of things that can cause this, so check out this list.)

And if your baby has awful gas, try laying them on their back and gently pressing their knees into their tummies (while wearing a diaper, see #2 above). This will help them release gas, which many babies fight at that age. Don’t worry- they will be happy to fart later on.

And simethicone. Those gas drops were a game changer for us.

4. That some things DON’T come naturally and a support system is one of the best things you can have.

Seriously. People act like you will magically know everything to do with your baby as soon as they arrive.

“Don’t worry, you’ll be a natural.” “It will come to you.” “You’ll just know.”

Lies and more lies said to new parents so they’ll quit worrying.

Yes, you might have some instinctual things you do, but for the most part, you are going to either figure it out by: looking it up in a book or online, through trial and error, or by being told by someone else. And that doesn’t mean you’re not naturally good at parenting.

Which brings me to part B of this one- surround yourself with other parents who have gone before you and whom you feel comfortable reaching out to for support or with questions.

They don’t have to be far ahead of you. They just need to have been there and done that with the stage you are in.

Not all of the answers they give you will work for your child, and you will figure things out that work for you that they never tried. But it makes a world of difference being able to see someone else walk the road before you.

It’s less lonely knowing you’re not the only one up at 4 in the morning or that when your child is going through the most horrific separation anxiety, someone else knows exactly how you feel. They don’t judge you. They don’t mind being asked.

They support you. You need that. We ALL need that. (And really, this is good advice – if I do say so myself- whether you are a parent or not. It is good to have someone who knows what you’re going through and rallies around you in life.)

 5. That you do NOT need a whole bunch of people waiting at the hospital to meet your baby.

If you are like me, you are the type to invite any and all (close) family members and best friends who might be interested in being a part of that special delivery day to come hang out and wait at the hospital.

I did this because I’d seen my rockstar sister-in-law do it like it was no big deal, then everyone would leave the room, she would push, and we’d have a new nephew or niece. After an hour or so, we’d be all back in the room, meeting this new family member and eating dinner like no big deal.

Let me tell you that that is not typical. She made it look easy, but it’s not (hence, I call her a rockstar).

I am very grateful for the family members and friends who gave up their whole day to wait on my daughter’s birth and support me and Tom. But I don’t plan to do that again, and I don’t recommend it to others.

Having a lot of people there creates an atmosphere that is NOT ideal for spreading your legs and pushing out a human.

You want to feel like you can focus on what you’re doing when you go into labor. It’s painful and awkward enough without worrying if they noticed you just farted during that last contraction.

Then there’s the pressure you might feel to hurry up and get that kid out! People are waiting! And none of them are saying that to you, but you will put that pressure on yourself simply because they are there.

Listen up ladies. It can take babies well over a day to work their way out of you once they start, and making yourself feel bad because “everyone’s waiting” is stupid.

So politely tell them that you’d feel more comfortable calling them to come to the hospital when you’re about to push. Because at least then, they only have to wait a little while or not at all and still get to see your baby all fresh and new. And you can worry about more important things, like pushing out a human.

6. That nursing is a friggin’ commitment.

Breastfeeding is a lifestyle. It’s a sacrifice. It’s HARD. And it’s awesome. You can read more on that here (and in that post’s comments).

You will need support from other women who have been there. You will want to give up before your baby is 6 weeks old, most likely. That is when you call someone who also hated it at first and stuck it out, and ask them to help you stick with it a little while longer.

And you should take advantage of lactation consultants whenever possible. They are your breast friends!! har har har.

Seriously do this- get an app just for breastfeeding on your phone. In the first few months, you are feeding so often that it’s hard to remember what side you last started on, and forget trying to keep track of how long so you can tell the pediatrician when they ask. Get a free app to track it all. You will thank me later.

If you’re a dude, and your wife is breastfeeding, don’t EVER act like it’s not a big deal. (Major props to Tom here.)

Pull over the car on a roadtrip, park in the shade, and wait with her while she tries to wrangle with the baby in the confined space of the passenger side. Adjust the air and music for her. Ask her if there’s anything she needs.

Unless she tells you to, don’t go pee before she gets to. She has a person sitting on her bladder, and she’s holding it. And if she does let you get a bathroom break on that roadtrip before her while she nurses, bring her back something she would want from that darn gas station or restaurant. Nursing makes you HUNGRY.

And don’t forget, moms, breastfeeding doesn’t make you better than anyone else if you choose it; it just’s the right choice for you, and your body cooperated. Not all women who want to breastfeed can. Don’t forget: You’re making milk with your boobs, not ending world hunger.

7. That if you have a c-section, you will not feel like you’d never had major surgery within 6 months.

That’s what one of the doctors told me. He was wrong.

Then again, he’s never had a c-section, so I should have guessed he couldn’t have known.

Over a year out, I still get pain in my scar area. The areas to the left and right of the scar are the worst because that’s where they tie off all the sutures inside of you. Those areas made me want to die for the first 8 weeks Jo was alive, and now they still hurt at times.

Quit judging yourself. You will take longer to get back to normal (I still haven’t) after having a c-section than most moms who don’t have one.

That doesn’t make you lazy and fat; that makes you someone who had major abdominal surgery and couldn’t cough or laugh or sneeze without dissolving into tears from pain for 2 months after giving birth. Most of us aren’t going to be doing marathons 6 months later.

I really didn’t know any of this stuff because I was NOT going to have a c-section. ha.

8. That teething is torture for the whole family.

I mean, yeah, teething stinks. Everyone knows babies are fussier and chew stuff and drool.

They also wake up constantly, get loose stool in their diapers, pull their ears in pain, scream if anyone but their mom holds them (or is that just us?), have unpredictable appetites, and are generally miserable.

Which means you get the side effects of that. You also lose sleep. People judge you because your kid is fussy and cries easily and insists on being held by you at all times.

Whatever people. Just love on your kid and pray for patience and energy. And drink lots of coffee.

9. That it’s harder than you think to “nap when your baby naps.”

Yes, you want to sleep all the time because you’re exhausted, but then the baby goes down for a nap, and you can:

A. Shower long enough to shave your legs.

B. Clean part of your house.

C. Return phone calls and do other things that require more attention.

D. Sleep.

E. Exercise.

F. A million other things you need to do when you have both hands free and no distractions.

Well, it’s hard to give in and sleep, though you need it. My mom would remind me that at 3 in the morning, my daughter would need a parent who could handle the fussiness that comes with teething or a nightmare, and my now clean floors would not.

Sleep makes you a better parent, so get it when you can, especially when your child is going through a rough patch with their own sleep habits at night.

10. That you should wait to take the diaper off before bathtime until RIGHT before they go in.

I used to stick Josey’s feet in the warm water for a minute before taking off her diaper in the hopes that she would go on and empty her bladder BEFORE getting into the water so I wouldn’t have to dump the water and start fresh midbath.

Now that she’s old enough to forgo the baby bath and bathes in a regular tub, I leave her diaper on while the water runs, and then I pull her onto my lap and just undo it a little without taking it off completely before putting her in. Once that cold air hits, babies will often tinkle again, and you want that to happen into the diaper.

Once that’s done, toss the diaper, plop the baby in the tub and bathe them!

11. That you should go pee before going to feed your baby in the middle of the night or first thing in the morning.

They’ll be okay crying for two more minutes, and you won’t be in agony having to pee and not being able to while holding a baby who is pressing into your bladder for 45 minutes or however long they decide to eat.

Just trust me on this one. If they aren’t in any danger or pain (this is why video monitors rock), then you can take a quick trip to the potty first.

12. That you will learn to have ninja stealth when sneaking out of the nursery.

When your baby is little, do not keep your house quiet during the day, even at nap times. Let the dogs bark, the other kids play, the tv run, and the vacuum roar. They need to learn to sleep with the noise of life going on.

And at night, it can be quieter.

But when they get older and are lighter sleepers, and they wake up in the middle of the night, they won’t want you to go. A silent exit is key.

And you will want to murder anything that makes loud noises outside the nursery right after you got them back to sleep.

Here are some tips:

• Take the jangling dog collars off your dogs if they are within earshot of the nursery.
• Walk around barefoot. It’s quieter.
• Take advantage of baby gates to fence other kids and animals away from where your baby is sleeping.
• Use a white noise machine in the nursery.
• Get a flashlight app on your phone. That way you can see what you’re looking for (paci, teething tablets, extra wipes, etc.) without turning on the lamp.
• Set that darn phone to silent and/or do not disturb mode when in the nursery. You will kick yourself if that is why your baby wakes back up after you get them down.
• If the door squeaks, fix it.

13. That you can get a newborn back to sleep in a few different ways.

If you know they are dry, they are full, and they have no gas, but they just won’t sleep, there are a few things you can do:

14. That it’s okay to say “no” to almost everything when it means doing the right thing for your kid.

Your baby is tired and teething and hungry, but someone is insisting that they get a chance to hold them because it’s been so long?

No.

You haven’t  seen a friend in a while and they want you to meet up with them 45 minutes away for a lunch that will probably get you home way after naptime?

No.

You feel like a jerk because you are missing all the performances and games for kids in your family. You love them. You want to be there. You can’t find a sitter?

No.

I know that sounds harsh. But the reality is that you will learn what your child can handle. I’m not inflexible. Sometimes Josey has a later nap or I leave her with Tom or someone else so that I can attend something for a family member or friend.

More often than people realize, you will give up your one chance to sleep in during a week (once you reach a point you can actually do that, taking turns with your spouse caring for kids in the morning) so that you can be at something that mattered to them.

It is hard being a parent and feeling the pull from everyone else to also do everything you used to be able to do.

For your child’s sake and your own, learn to say no. But say it politely, and explain why if you need to. It’s not that you don’t care, it’s just that it’s a difficult stage of life.

15. That it’s awesome to just enjoy where they are right now, then to let that stage go without sadness when it’s over.

I know a lot of people who act like they wish they could go back to a previous stage or can’t wait to reach a future stage of their child’s life.

When Josey was a tiny baby, I remember feeling a little sad the first time she outgrew a set of clothes that I had to pack away. But it was just because I couldn’t believe how quickly time was passing.

I have enjoyed her at every stage, and when that stage was done, I was ready for the next one. It’s nice not to look back and wish for her to be how she was. I don’t want Tom to ever look at me and wish for me to be like I was in high school or college, so why would I do that to Josey?

I love seeing her become more of who she is. And I look forward to the future, but I’m in no hurry to get there. I like where I am now. And I will like where I’ll be in a month too.

So when you are going through a rough patch (teething, for example, or a growth spurt that makes them want to feed forever), and someone tells you they couldn’t wait until their kids were past that stage, and that you will be happy once they are older, just smile politely. But go ahead and love where they’re at. Even in the hard times, there are things in the stage of life they are at to cherish.

The days pass fast enough without wishing them away.

________________

So those are a few things that Tom and I could think of off the top of our heads. I am sure more will come to me later, but feel free to jump in on the comments and leave your own things you wish others had told you before you learned it for yourself!

~Meghan

I had been wanting to do a “You Are My Sunshine” themed first birthday party since before I got pregnant. I even have a painted sign with the lyrics on her bedroom wall. So I knew that would be the direction of Josey’s party.

I worked on decorations for her party for about a month, and I feel like I didn’t sleep all of January! Josey is too into everything for me to do any work with her awake, so I spent naptimes and nights working on things.

My goal was to have a sunshine themed party that was tasteful- shades of yellow, lemon curd in the cake, a sweet yellow and white dress on Josey, and no cartoon suns anywhere! (Invitation bought off Etsy!)

I used my Cricut to make a couple of banners, signs for the food, a banner for the cake (and a flag for the smash cake), and tags for the treat boxes.

The dining room, where a few snacks, drinks, and the cakes were set up, had a few other homemade decorations as well.

I made small pom poms in shades of yellow and white to hang from the chandelier (Tom patiently held up pom poms and tied them off at the exact lengths I wanted). Some were made with cupcake liners, and the others were made with tissue paper.

For the drinks, I wanted to use glass, but that presents three problems. First, it could make the party more formal than I wanted it to feel. Secondly, if a glass broke, it could be expensive to replace. Third, glasses don’t come with lids, and there would be six of my nephews and nieces in attendance.

My solution was to use mason jars. They’re casual. They are inexpensive to replace if broken. And they have lids that can have holes drilled in them to slip a straw through.

I rimmed the jars with yellow sugar to make them more festive, but I also included some white and yellow paper straws with name tags on them, made from the same papers used in the banners.

For drinks, we served sweet tea, lemonade, diet lemonade, and water. All but the water came from Chick-Fil-A, and it was delicious.

The cakes were made at Sweet Treats Bakery in Covington. I had emailed and talked on the phone with Christina, who made the cakes, until she knew just what I wanted.

I had requested a ruffle cake that faded from a darker yellow on the bottom to a very light yellow on top. I wanted a yellow cake with buttercream icing and a lemon curd on the inside. The smash cake was a small, single layer that was iced to match the big cake.

I also told her to leave any names and decorative toppers to me, as I had some flags and banners I had made to go on top. The bigger cake’s banner said “Josey.”

The smaller cake had a flag with Jo’s monogram on it.

The only disappointing thing about it to me was that the larger cake was on a really large, square board. We had to put it on a huge (wedding sized) cake stand in order for it to fit, and it made the cake look really small, even though it wasn’t.

I had hoped for the cake to be the centerpiece of the table, and it looked a little lost on that big cake stand. I really recommend this bakery, but I would suggest someone request the cake fit on the stand they had in mind when ordering.

In the foyer, my dad was a champ and got out a huge ladder, climbed it, and hung big pom poms (homemade, except for the dark yellow one which was Hobby Lobby) and parasols (Hobby Lobby) from their chandelier as I instructed from below with help from my mom. They let me completely take over their house for this party!

You can also see in the picture above that there is a yellow garland strung along the banister upstairs. I made that with cupcake liners in various shades of yellow and white.

When guests entered the foyer, there was a sign-in photo book that I made with a freebie code at Shutterfly.com. It had pictures of Josey from two weeks to eleven months.

There was also a pom pom to tie in the yellow, and a frame with a little poem asking guests to leave Josey a sweet note.

In the kitchen, there was a simple yellow table cloth on the table and a pom pom hanging from the chandelier so guests would know that was a place they were welcome to sit and eat.

I also had set out another frame with a poem reminding guests to take a treat box home with them. I had made a box for each family.

Inside each box was a cd I had burned with a copy of “Little Miss Sunshine’s Party Mix” wrapped in white and tied up in yellow tulle. We had played the cd over ceiling speakers during the party.

There was also a goody bag for each person in the family, filled with yellow and gold wrapped candy, chocolate, and gum.

I got the kraft boxes off Amazon. I ordered a bulk shipment of them, because I want to do that kind of packaging for my photography business as well, and I really enjoyed putting a small thank you together for each family at Josey’s party.

But the best part of the party was the joy we had in celebrating our sweet girl with family. She and I snuck in one picture before everyone arrived. (Of course, she had her wubbanub in the picture too!)

Josey had a blast! She had fun opening presents, getting into everything she wasn’t supposed to, and having all the attention, especially from her cousins.

We also loved watching her get into her smash cake. She had never had any dessert before, except for a few cookies that are low sugar and made for toddlers.

Suddenly we’re giving her cake covered in two inches of icing! She was dainty with it at first, but then she really got into the spirit of it and chowed down. Thankfully, we had laid out a sheet under her high chair.

Somehow, she managed to get it all the way down her leg! I had to snap a picture of her iced body and bulging belly!

And everyone else wanted a picture too! (I was trying to get her to really go for it- this was earlier in the cake-eating process.)

Thanks to everyone who was a part of celebrating Josey- whether at the party or by sending her sweet birthday wishes in the mail and/or online. We love our sweet girl and are so grateful for friends and family who love her as well!

~Meghan

Moments after birth.

She was 9 pounds, 2 ounces, and 22 inches of pure joy. I loved every inch of her, and I could have burst with pride.

Two Weeks

Now that she’s a year old, I can say that even on her birthday, she is still the gift that WE have received. God blessed us beyond measure when he placed her into our family.

Two Months

Josey, you are so bright- in both your intelligent mind and your sunny disposition. You shine with happiness.

Three Months

I love the way you dance every time you hear music. I love the way you toddle around and how tough you are- laughing when you fall.

Four Months

I secretly (not so secretly now that I’m blogging it) love the way that I can’t get through one shopping trip anywhere (the grocery store, the mall, ANYWHERE), without being stopped at least once (but usually no less than 5-10 times) because someone wants to talk to you or about you. They love your smile, your beauty, and your charm. And I’m so proud to show you off. 

Five Months

I get a kick out of the way that little boys just a little older than you will literally leave their mamas and follow our cart through stores trying to catch your eye and hold your hand. I’ll probably find that less funny when you’re older. 

Six Months

I don’t even care that the internet probably has more pictures of you than of everyone else combined. My friends good-naturedly tease me about being your paparazzi because I have bombarded every social network with photos of you since the day I brought you home.

Six Months (again)

You’re one of the only people I would jump into a pool of sharks to rescue. When you get older, you’ll appreciate how much that means.

Seven Months

You are so silly sometimes. I love the way you growl and then laugh at yourself.

Eight Months

You love other kids, and I adore that. You want so much to play with them and wave and smile so vigorously when you see other kids- big or small. You are still learning how to be gentle, but your heart is in the right place!

Nine Months

You like to test boundaries. Sweet as you are, you still go right to where you’re not supposed to be and look back at me. One day, you’ll understand why you get in trouble for moving the baby gates or for playing with electrical sockets. But for now, I’ll keep correcting you.

Ten Months

You love dogs, green bean casserole, and shopping. You love shoes and music and cake. You love going fast and talking and singing. You are definitely my child.

Eleven Months

Sometimes I still can’t believe you’re real. And that I get to be your mom. I’ve never wanted to be good at something so much in my life.

I love you, Josey-Jo! Happy birthday!

Love,

Mama

I looked at him and said, “I hope not. I don’t think I’m a ghost.”

Har har. I know. Jo hit six-months and took off. I have been doing my best to keep up with this active little bundle of energy while keeping our not-sure-what-to-think-of-her dogs from being pet too hard or from getting aggressive with her (so far, so good).

I have kept a slow but steady pace with my photography (it’s as fast as I can move while being a stay-at-home mom), and I am trying to lose weight. I still live in a house that needs more help than I have time to give it, cleaning-wise.

And this poor blog…it’s just gotten the back-burner. I used to feel guilty about it. Then I looked at my life, took inventory of the crazy day-to-day that I live, and decided that posting once every now and then is actually pretty darn good.

So it’s still alive. It’s just in a roughly vegetative state.

Since I last posted, we had Josey’s first Christmas, and our first Christmas as parents. It was awesome. I didn’t grow up with Santa, but Tom did and Josey is, so this was my first Christmas with a Santa experience. It was so fun.

She had a chance to meet him in the mall, and she didn’t even cry! We were very proud of her…and fairly surprised at how well she did!

On Christmas Eve, we made cookies after dinner to go on our “Santa’s cookies” plate. 

Then we took a family picture with her in her Christmas pjs and read her the Christmas story found in Luke (Tom’s favorite gospel). Then we put Ms. Jo in bed so that she could rest for the following day…and so that Santa could drop off a special delivery for a very good girl.

As you can see in her face, she didn’t know how to feel about all that was going on during Christmas Eve.

But she knew how she felt about her presents the next morning! 

Santa brought her a Radio Flyer wagon with a shade and a storage bag on the back. In it, he left her a book called “Red Wagon” that is really cute. She LOVES her wagon. We frequently take it on walks now in place of a stroller when the weather is nice and the walk isn’t going to be too long.

She also got plenty of presents from me and Tom, and a stocking full of goodies. That was just at our house.

After that, she had Christmas with my family at her GG and Papa Doc’s house (my parents), followed by Christmas at Nana’s house (Tom’s grandmother) with Tom’s aunts, uncles, and cousins. The next day, she got up and had more Christmas presents to open at her Memac and Popey’s house (Tom’s parents).

We literally couldn’t bring everything back with us because it didn’t all fit in the car. Wow! What a loved and blessed little baby.

Christmas has always been mine and Tom’s favorite holiday, but it was even neater to experience it all as a parent. The excitement in her face at seeing her wagon, the fact that she was more excited to see her cousins than her presents, and even the sheer exhaustion we all felt at the end of the night are all things I will tuck away in my memory.

What a gift to have so many people in our lives to celebrate with at Christmas.

And what a gift to give your only, precious child as the ultimate sacrifice to save the world….God did for me what I couldn’t do for anyone, even if Josey was able to bear that burden for the world. I can’t imagine Christmas was as happy a time for God the Father as it is for all of us, but I am so grateful that it happened anyway.

Three days after Christmas, Josey turned eleven months old. Such a big girl! I took some photos, of course.

She is growing so fast! And I can’t get enough of her sweet, silly, precious personality.

Since then, I’ve been working on getting stuff together for her first birthday. I’ve been making decorations for her party, ordering invitations and an outfit for her to wear, and making arrangements for the cake, etc.

I’ve also been trying to sort out where I will do her one-year portraits, and what exactly I want them to look like (which I might as well not even figure out, because she always ends up doing something different, busy person that she is). I have an (over-the-top) outfit picked out for it already (I’m talking a dress made of feathers here). And I bought a custom headband to go with it. So the setting is next to figure out.

So much to do. So little time. And before I can catch my breath, my tiny infant will be a toddler. I better take myself off to bed before I start crying at the very thought of her turning a year old.

I still feel as though we just walked in the door from the hospital, carrying that tiny bundle of love. And now, she’s walking around, jabbering, saying “mama” and “daddy” and barking at the dogs. She laughs hard and is determined to get her way. She has the best smile.

She’s had every holiday in a year already, including her first Christmas and New Year’s.

She is in the last few weeks of being a baby. I can’t believe it.

But you better believe that’s why I’m not blogging as much these days! There’s very little time to do so, and I’m having so much fun living this life that I can hardly find time to document it.

I hope your Christmas was as wonderful as ours.

And viva la Loquacious Lady!

 ~Meghan

I feel like I’ve reached a new milestone, because that happened to me this week.

I had been up from 2- 3:45 the night before with Josey, got up at 6, and had been going all day. She only slept 30 minutes of her second nap, and I was exhausted.

We were going to try to go to the park with a friend, but that didn’t work out, so I decided to take her with me to the store to get some groceries we were low on. She does really well in the store (usually), and she loves to talk (rather loudly) to everyone she sees, especially other kids.

It was like an oasis in the desert of that icky day. She was charming, everyone was telling her hello, that was keeping her entertained, and I was able to get my shopping done.

I was rushing to the checkout because it was almost 5 and time to nurse Josey. After doing so well, I didn’t want her to have a meltdown in the wait to check-out.

She held it together pretty well, and I was putting my last bag of groceries in the cart at 2 minutes until 5. I could swing getting to the car and driving home before nursing her, so I was relieved.

Until.

Until I went to get my wallet and realized I’d left it in my purse and forgotten to put it back in the diaper bag.

I had a buggy full of groceries, an over-tired baby ready to nurse, and no way to pay. I was exhausted. And embarrassed. And I felt like an idiot.

The cashier was nice, though, and instead of griping about what happened or insisting I redo the entire checkout process (which I offered to do once I got my credit card at home), she simply turned her aisle’s light off and came over to talk to JoJo and tell me about her grandbabies while we waited.

She even helped the lady behind me move all her stuff to another register and checked her out there.

Thankfully, I’d chosen the grocery store closest to our house, and Tom was working from home. He also answered when I called, thank goodness, and was there in 7 minutes, wallet in hand, picked up Josey from my arms and kept her happy all the way to the car.

I got home, and Tom unloaded the groceries for me while I fed Jo. Then he gave her her dinner while I put the groceries away.

Even as I stood in the grocery store searching for a debit card that refused to appear, I knew I had a “mom whose day went all wrong” story in the making. But I also knew Tom would come to my rescue.

It’s such a relief to know that even on my worst days, I’ve got a partner in life and parenting who makes it more bearable and even laughable. And the rest of the time, he makes it more joyful.

Feel free to share your “everything went wrong that day” stories -parenting related or not- in the comments. It’s nice to know we’re not alone!

~Meghan

But until recently, when people met me and asked the inevitable, “So, what do you do?”, my answer was “I’m a photographer. But I have a (fill in the blank here)- month-old daughter, so I have let that kind of go to the background. I still do it, but it’s more of a ‘when I can fit it in’ side job now. I love staying at home with my baby! And she comes first, so I turn down anything that interferes with her appointments or if she’s sick. It’s nice being able to do that!”

All of that is true. I didn’t feel false saying it. And my primary reason for it was that I don’t like to miss the opportunity to let people know what I do, because sometimes they actually NEED a photographer, and if I never mention it, they will never think of me for it.

But still. I spend 95% of my time working as a mommy first and a photographer second. The other 5% is when I say “yes” to taking on a photo session. (I edit at night or during naps.)

And then, Saturday, I was driving to a baby shower where I would know exactly two people- one of whom was the guest of honor. So I knew the question would come up, and I was thinking about my reply. And I decided that the job that gets the most care, time, and attention is the one that deserves the answer.

And more than that, I’m really proud to be a stay at home mom. Tom works very hard to provide for me the opportunity to be with Josey so I don’t have to give her over to someone else most of my day. I love being a mom, and even though it can be hard sometimes, and I never quite manage to do all I need to do in a day, it’s the best job I’ve ever had.

I don’t want to give anyone the impression that I’m embarrassed to say that’s what I do.

So, when I met people and heard the most popular getting-to-know-you question in the book, I smiled and replied, “I’m a stay-at-home mom.”

I think people don’t expect that answer much anymore, at least not from a girl in her mid-20′s in a climb-the-ladder culture and a “lucky to get any paycheck at all” economy. I got several surprised, “Oh!”s, followed quickly by a “that’s great!” or a “How nice!” I didn’t sense any snideness, just real surprise.

I think people often respond to tone, so the genuine happiness in my voice let them know that I am quite pleased with my life, and led them to reply accordingly. Well, it was either that or my follow-up of, “I love it. She’s our whole world.”

And then, when they asked how old she was and what I did before, I explained about my other passion- photography- and it’s supporting role in my work life, now that Josey is the star. It seemed a lot more natural -and a lot more accurate- for what my life is right now.

I am mommy. And I am very proud of that.

~Meghan

While I do think those things are helpful to know (obviously, since I post about what Jo uses every 2 months), I find that we tend to skip over the “pharmacy” and grooming stuff we acquire. I’m sure this is mostly due to the fact that everyone has their own idea of what is best for their baby. And I do think moms need to follow their instincts along with hearing out their pediatricians.

If you want to go all organic, that’s great. If you find medicine to be overly doled out, I get it. If you are willing to give you kid medicine to stop the crying from teething, I understand. Listed below is what has worked for us.

Grooming

1. Johnson’s Baby Bath Head to Toe Body Wash

When I’m washing my little wiggle worm, the easier the better. So I like having one soap that can do it all, and that is dispensed with a pump. This soap isn’t anything new, but it works for us, so I’m sharing it.

Also, it really doesn’t hurt her eyes on the few occasions when soapy water has gotten in. I just wipe her eyes with a dry towel and carry on.

 2. Johnson’s Baby Lotion in Honey Apple and in Vanilla Oatmeal 

After her bath, I slather her in lotion, then I get her diapered and dressed. Neither of these lotions has caused a negative reaction on her skin. Both smell awesome (but if you have a boy, I would skip the girly-smelling apple scent). Everyone comments on how good her skin smells, wanting to know what it is.

In fact these both work so well that when we go out of town, I just use her lotion instead of bringing my own. I figure, skip Bath and Body Works, and give me the Johnson’s Baby Lotion! It’s cheaper!

3. Safety 1st Deluxe Healthcare and Grooming Kit

We were given this by some friends at a shower, and I LOVE it for so many reasons:

• The comb gets all her tangles out.
• The bush makes her hair so smooth and shiny.
• The nail clippers are easy to grip and the perfect size for little nails (I have to do this weekly).
• They even include tiny nail files just in case there’s a sharp edge (her nails are sharp!!).
• The thermometer is straightforward and easy to use, and it comes with covers in case you have to take a rectal reading.
• The nasal aspirator bulb opens in half, so cleaning is easy, and it does a better job than most bulbs. It’s also clear, so you can see if you got the gunk out.

The little medicine bottle dispenser was so clever, but it actually didn’t work well for us. Josey couldn’t seem to suck the medicine out of it. But that was no big deal because we use syringes to dispense her meds (see below).

4. Aquafresh Training Toothpaste and Training Toothbrush

Well, we lucked out because Josey has LOVED her toothbrush ever since we were just brushing her gums. In fact, she has 3 toothbrushes just for play and chewing on (spread all over the house), and this one for actual use.

I don’t know if this one is any better than the others out there, but it’s the one we bought. It’s worked well for us, and it’s small enough that I can actually brush her teeth, gums, and tongue with it.

Which is a good thing, because she has several teeth and eats solids now, so she get stinky breath otherwise. We do this at least once a day.

Health

Like I said, everyone has to do what they think is right for their child. Personally, I hate seeing Josey in pain, and on the days when she is crying nonstop, chewing on her fingers and miserable, I thank the Lord that someone invented drugs that help her get relief and even let her fall asleep when she’s in pain.

Same goes for days when she has gas pain. To each their own.

That said, not everything in here is medicinal.

1. Exergen Temporal Artery Thermometer

 I remember seeing this advertised when I was a nanny and asking the mom, who was a nurse in a pediatrician’s office, if they really worked. She surprised me by saying they work great and are super accurate.

They scan the temporal artery (running up the side of your forehead) for a heat reading, telling you your body temperature. How nice not to need to stick a thermometer ANYWHERE in a baby!

The one thing I will say is that they are advertised as if they are so convenient, you could do this to your child as they slept without waking them. I’m calling BS on that for two reasons:

• You run it across the forehead as it beeps and flashes a red light. Who can sleep through that?
• You can’t read it in in the dark because the screen doesn’t light up.

But other than that, I really like it for a quick, easy read. Of course, Josey moves nonstop, so I have to do this about 3 times before she is still enough for it to work, but that’s still easier than taking her temperature any other way!

 2. Graco Nasal Clear Nasal Aspirator

I use both a bulb and this aspirator, depending on the gunk in her nose.

When snot and boogers are close enough to bother her or for me to see but far enough back that I would have to use the bulb for 15 different suctions to get it out, I use the battery operated aspirator. It’s easier and faster. Most of all, it annoys her less that way.

Another thing is that when her patience is running out on her nose being cleaned, this aspirator has a button to play music, which distracts her enough to buy me some more time for cleaning her up.

I can’t remember a time in her life that she didn’t have a stuffy or a runny nose. This device is essential for me.

3. Little Noses Saline Mist

I have had the same bottle since she was born and still not run out. I don’t use it a ton. But when there is something in her nose that is clearly needing to come out, but it can’t, I spray this up her nose.

It’s easy to use, and it loosens stuff up so I can suction it out with her aspirator. Not really much more to add, other than it’s useful.

4. Vaseline Petroleum Jelly

Yep, the stuff that’s been around for ages is a natural moisture barrier. So after you change your baby, you can pat them dry and slather a bit of this on them to help prevent diaper rashes.

That’s something I learned as a nanny, and it worked incredibly well. I did this with Josey all the time when she was “new,” but as she’s gotten older, I’ve slacked off a bit. Now I usually only use this if I see any redness indicating a rash might be trying to form (or when I remember it).

Still, it’s a great thing to know and use for diapering.

5. Desitin Maximum Strength Paste

When the rare occasion that Jo gets a diaper rash does prevent itself, I use this stuff. It knocks it out quickly and provides her with relief from the pain while she heals. Love it.

6. Hyland’s Teething Tablets

This is yet another thing I gleaned from the nannying days. These homeopathic tablets are great.

They seem to work instantly, and they dissolve pretty much as soon as they are in her mouth. She loves to eat them, and it calms her down so quickly. Love these.

They can be hard to find nowadays, so I order mine off Amazon.

7. Children’s Acetaminophen with Syringe

I have discussed this before, but I love this dispenser. It is SO much less messy because of the syringe and the top designed for just the syringe to be used.

It also wastes less because you turn the bottle upside down to get the medicine into the syringe, versus having to stick the syringe down into the bottle.

Besides all of that, the actual medicine is very helpful when Jo has had shots, is teething and miserable, or if she has a fever. Just be sure to check with your child’s pediatrician for dosage information.

 8. Children’s Benadryl

Now this one didn’t even cross my mind until recently. I was telling my sister how miserable it had been because even with tablets and Tylenol, poor Josey was in so much pain with all these teeth coming in that she couldn’t sleep through the night or take good naps. She was in pain, and we were all exhausted.

She pointed out to me that a little bit of Benadryl might help her sleep, which is so important for overall health and ability to cope for both parents and babies. At this point, it had been two weeks, so I gave in and bought some.

What a relief! Josey could sleep through the night again most nights, and Tom and I were getting more sleep too. We all felt more capable to deal with the teething pain when we were rested.

I know the bottle says this isn’t really supposed to be used for knocking out your kids, but at some point, I had to think “what is worse, giving her her size’s dosage of medicine when she doesn’t have allergy problems, or her never getting sleep and all of us being worn out, me getting sick from it, and all of us cranky?” For me, sleep won.

9. Simethicone

When Josey was a few days old, I made the horrible mistake of eating two tiny pieces of broccoli that were in with my Chinese food.

Many of you seasoned breast-feeders are groaning in empathy. For those of you who plan to breastfeed but haven’t before, there are some foods you don’t want to eat, and broccoli is one of them. These foods will give your baby horrible gas pain. (Here’s a list of some of those foods, though I will say that eventually, you can add some of those back in- hello coffee, chocolate, and wine!- just be mindful of when your baby nurses.)

She was up for most of the night. She comfort nursed for two hours until I started crying, and my mom said “just pull her off!” Then the screaming began and went on for four solid hours. It was pure misery.

I was exhausted, my mom was having to comfort us both because I was bawling as much as Josey, and we were all three up all night. (Thank the Lord for mamas who help after coming home from the hospital!)

I said something about it on Facebook, and a couple of sweet ladies gave me some life-changing advice. Simethicone.

It’s like bean-o or gas-x for babies. In fact, that’s all Gas-X is, but it’s more of it for adults. So, next time she seemed to be having tummy issues, I gave her some, and voila, it helped!! I don’t want to know a world without this medicine.

10. Polyvisol

This is basically a multi-vitamin for babies. It’s especially important for breast-feeding babies who won’t get all their supplements (like iron) via formula.

Fair warning, this stuff is gross looking, smelling, and, if Josey’s reaction is any indication, tasting. I give it to her during bathtime because she doesn’t mind spitting it out. But it is good for her and pediatrician mandated (for us).

And that’s it! That’s all the over-the-counter grooming and healthcare stuff I’ve found useful for the last nine months and would be willing to recommend to others. I hope you find this list helpful!
~Meghan

ps- If you are breastfeeding, you need to continue taking your prenatal vitamins with DHA. Your body will be sharing nutrients with the baby, and you want to continue giving him or her all those good vitamins, especially DHA, as well as benefitting from them yourself.

She chatters non-stop. In fact, we started referring to her as our “loquacious baby” since she talks as much as I do. ha!

But then it happened. After almost eight months of me chanting, “Ma-Ma! Say, ‘MAMA! Maaaa-Maaaa! Mamamamamamama.’ Can you say ‘mama?’” She FINALLY said her first word this Monday.

“Dada!”

Of course.

I had to laugh. He’s my favorite person in the world, and I adore him, so how can I fault our baby girl for loving him so much she said his name first?

It actually makes more sense than I’d like to admit. All my nephews and nieces would learn “TOM” before “Meghan.” And some would even see me, get excited, and say “Tom??” while looking behind me to see where I was hiding him, like he’s a toy I carry around in my purse.

Go figure.

Anyway, it’s pretty adorable.

I love hearing her say “Dada. Dadadada. DA-DA!!!!” throughout the day, especially when she sees him. So cute.

I tried to get her to do it for her GG when we chatted on facetime, but she looked at my mom and me as if to say, “Why would I call GG my dad’s name??” Oh well.

They really have such a sweet relationship. She loves when he feeds her dinner each night, and he is already teaching her guitar lessons (“No, don’t do that or it will hurt! Strum it like this! See?”).

She loves to play with him, wrestling around and laughing. Just like her daddy, she is extremely active.

She bounces up and down in my arms in excitement every time we go into the office to say hello, and he cherishes her version of a kiss and a hug (which I definitely get more of since I’m with her all day long).

He is an amazing daddy, and I’m not even jealous that she said his name first. That’s how much Jo and I both love him.

~Meghan

It was stressful, frustrating, and my mom and I wanted to rip each other’s hair out constantly. Girls were mean. I mean, friends would just as easily stab you in the back as smile at you, and boys- OH boys. They were 13 and 14 too, so that explains it all. I also switched churches, schools, and houses during that time. I hated it.

Things obviously got better, but I haven’t forgotten how it felt to be that age. And that’s exactly why I decided to co-lead a middle school girls’ small group a few years ago.

At our church, they have you start with the kids as they leave 5th grade the summer before their middle school journey begins. And you stay their small group leader until they go into high school. (And high school is the same way- the two or three high school small group leaders that get them as they leave 8th grade stay with them until they graduate high school.)

It’s a big commitment. You are asked to attend 2 overnight camps with them each year, be at church every Sunday with few exceptions, and attend their events outside of small group on Sundays. You are also asked to coordinate group outings and follow up with girls who haven’t attended things in a while. You give your email and cell info out to the girls and their parents so they can contact you any time about anything.

And if you’re lucky, you also get to be these girls’ facebook friends and follow them on Pinterest and Instagram (and twitter, if they do that). Social networks keep me in the loop with the girls outside of Sunday better than anything else, honestly. I love it. They’re willing to share all their silly pictures, teen angst, and crushes with you there, so it’s a safe topic on Sundays too.

Social networks also get credit for keeping me connected with my old small group. I started at Northpoint, but I moved to Gwinnett Church when it opened up and about 8 of my girls moved to that church with their families.

They and I got a new co-leader and new middle school girls in our group there, and my old group got a new co-leader to replace me. I still miss my old group and co-leader, but I love my new ones too. So now I can be plugged in with both.

People, when they hear I need to get back for Sunday night church so I can be with my middle school girls, often tell me  that I’m “brave to take on middle school.” But these girls are surprisingly NOT mean. They’re the kind of girls I wanted to know at that age- they’re actually sweet.

Also, It is never boring. Sweet though they may be, they are also very comfortable after all this time together being themselves, and we all love to pick on each other. Here are some things I’ve heard lately:

1. ”Did you know that a 19-year-old and a 10-year-old could date, legally, as long as they stay pure?” (After 5 seconds of stunned silence on my part, I commented, “If a 19-year-old WANTS to date a 10-year-old, legality is the least of my worries!” And so began a rather interesting conversation, that I won’t go into here.)

2. Me: “I have a blog. Don’t judge me. I’m a nerd.”

Co-leader: “I would read your blog!”

Me: “Aww! It’s loquaciouslady.com.”

Girls: “What does ‘loquacious’ mean?”

Me: “Excessive talker.”

Various girls: “OH MY GOSH! That is SO Perfect for you!” “You are SO loquacious!” “HAHAHA! That IS perfect!” “Hahaha you do love to talk!”

Me: “Alright, Alright! I get it! haha”

 3. “There are a lot of cute boys that came to church tonight. I call the one in the white polo. ALL of you back off!”

4. Me: “Prayer requests?”

Girls: “EIGHTH GRADE BOYS!” “YES! Top of the list! Every time!”

Me: “Do you think they ever come in here and see that they are a consistent prayer request?”

Girls: “Probably.” “Definitely.” “I hope so!” “They need it!”

5. “Oh my gosh! I looooove One Direction! Niall is SO cute!” “He’s mine! I call him!”

6. Girl: “Do you still coupon?”

Me: “You know it!”

Girls: “I bet you’re crazy about it.” “I bet we’re going to have an outing where all we do is clip Meghan’s coupons! haha”

Me: “Hmm. Maybe I should start bringing my newspapers to group every Sunday. Not a bad idea!”

7. Me: “So what’s up with that guy you had a crush on? The quarterback?”

Girl: “Oh, we’re just friends. We still hang out, but he’s going to college next year.”

Me: (mimes heart attack) “WHAT!???”

Girls: laughter

Girl: “Yeah, he’s a senior. And he has a girlfriend. So we’re just friends.”

Me: “YEAH, you better just be friends! What are you doing going out to eat with a senior who has a girlfriend anyway??”

Girl: “Well, it was a group.”

Me: “Oh my gosh, you could have led with that! haha Don’t do that to me!”

Girls: laughing again

Girl: “Well, my mom knows I have a crush but said we’re just allowed to be friends. But I only told my dad we’re friends.”

Me: “For the friend’s sake, that was probably a smart move. I’m glad your mom knows though. It’s good you’re comfortable talking to your parents about who you like.”

Girl: “Well, they can always tell. It’s kind of obvious.”

Me: shaking my head and grinning, thinking how much I love these girls.

So, those are just a few examples of things I hear being a middle school group leader. I love these girls. They’re smart, talented, hilarious, and just a lot of fun. And yes, the first thing that is written down as a prayer request every week is “8th grade boys!!!!!!” (We let the girls write the requests on the board in our room.)

They bring me so much joy. I laugh at at least one thing from small group every week, I always have stories to tell Tom after church, and I love getting to know them more. And getting to know them is important, because under all the funny stuff, there are some really hard things going on in the lives of some of these girls.

When they know you well enough, they’ll actually open up about the harder stuff. A death of a close friend, feeling like they just can’t manage everything at school, a friend who stabbed them in the back, parents separating, an addiction in the family, an emotionally abusive relationship.

There are things that you just want to throw yourself in front of to protect them from experiencing. And you can’t. The flip side of growing to love these girls is hurting with them, praying for them, wondering how their day is going and why they missed church that Sunday.

The gift of it is knowing you have the ability to check in. Telling them you are ALWAYS there if they need to talk, and you’re willing to be there if they have to confront something difficult.

I love these girls. I can’t believe that I’m in my last year with them. But I’m proud to say that I gotten to experience not one, but TWO small groups filled with the not-so-mean girls of middle school. It’s been a fun ride, and I think this year is going to be the most fun I’ve had with them yet.

~Meghan