We are Sojourners

noreply@blogger.com (Lori Basil Brown) — Fri, 18 Sep 2020 00:01:00 +0000

And you shall remember the whole way

that the Lord your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness

that He might humble you

testing you to know what was in your heart.....

Deuteronomy 8:2

A dear friend, who remembers every birthday and anniversary, sent a text this morning. “Wasn’t it ten years ago you moved out of your house?”

I’m shaking with wonder and awe. Yes. Ten years. Ten years of moving around, trying to get well, surviving crisis after crisis. Ten years of asking where to go next. Ten years of being led in the wilderness. Ten years of beauty in creation and people. Ten years of God’s faithfulness.

For ten years i’ve packed my belongings in plastic bags, moving from one place to the other. Last night i celebrated this anniversary with the purchase of a spacious cloth travel bag. It is may seem like a little thing to others, but it is significant for me. I’m moving away from the homeless mentality. I have a real travel bag.

Today i am packing to visit my eighty-eight year old mother in Maryland. A mattress from the travel trailer is positioned in the back of my SUV. One night i plan to sleep in the Ford in the driveway of my brother’s house. The second night the plan is to set up my one-person tent on the deck of my sister’s home. I can be and love to be in their homes. However for a night's sleep, i feel better in fresh air.

Today i baked free range chicken and wild caught orange roughy, and cooked organic cabbage. I’ll probably purchase some organic greens on the road.

Good air. Good sleep. Good food. These are all essentials for healing. Take out one from the equation and i am not able to function well.

Six months ago we moved from the travel trailer into a mold free brand new apartment. The builder seemed as conscious of mold prevention as we are. It is a gift of space. It is a sanctuary. We have a washer and dryer! No more doing laundry by hand. We have a full size fridge. No more going to get groceries almost daily. We even have two baths with a bathtub in each! My walk-in closet has more floor space than the travel trailers we lived in for seven years.

We are looking forward to the next step. After finding a lot with good air, away from high powered electrical lines, and a few other essentials, hopefully we’ll build a small cement dwelling. There will be no dry wall and probably no wood.

I still feel like a sojourner even though i’ve tried to get beyond my homeless sojourner mentality. However, that precisely is what God, our eternal Home wants us to embrace. In this life, we are sojourners - even if we take trips with classy travel bags.

The Lord watches over the sojourners

Psalm 146:9

noreply@blogger.com (Lori Basil Brown) — Fri, 01 Feb 2019 03:36:00 +0000

And I will lead the blind

in a way that they do not know

in paths that they have not known

I will guide them.

I will turn the darkness before them into light

the rough places into level ground.

These are the things I do

and I do not forsake them.

Isaiah 42:16

Meditating on this verse this morning, I didn’t get beyond the third line.

“The darkness before them.”

How many times particularly on this journey of the past eight years has the path in front of me been enshrouded in blackness. I’d look ahead and could see nothing. Only the dark.

Yet, I was given light for the next step.

The darkness before me was turned into light.

Once we were driving on a highway ramp way above the swampy Charleston terrain. As the grade of the road steepened it felt like we were about to launch into space. Then the street up ahead disappeared. Logic said it was a curve. My feelings said if we continued driving we would fly off the road.

I felt the Lord say, “You do not know what’s around the bend, but I do.”

Much of life is curves in the road.

Today, I know there’s some big changes up ahead. The unknown. The scary. Even though I cannot see the way forward, it does not feel totally dark because the Lord really does turn the darkness before us into light.

He dawns on them like the morning light

like the sun shining forth…

II Samuel 23:4

For You are my lamp

O Lord, and my God lightens my darkness.

Psalm 18:28

…for darkness is as light with You.

Psalm 139:12

noreply@blogger.com (Lori Basil Brown) — Tue, 04 Dec 2018 17:07:00 +0000

I have learned how to be content

in whatever state I am.

Philippians 4:11

Holidays. We see photos of our family’s gatherings in Maryland and North Carolina. But the photos of our family do not include us.

Eight years of hyper reactivity has kept us from being with family. We’ve prepared our own two person special meal in the trailer, but it only took a couple holidays to confirm that it’s the gathering of loved ones that makes the feast.

November means migrating south for warmer temps, leaving behind one grandson, two sons, an eighty-six year old Momma and the rest of my family. This year like many includes traveling for a major trailer repair.

In many ways I’m used to it. I’m grateful to be able to be in warmer weather as the cold is challenging to our bodies and trailer life. I’ve met delightful folks on this journey. However the better I feel, the more energy there is to also feel disappointment. To be honest I feel sad when I think about not being with those I love.

Some people’s lives are so full and busy. Mine is full and slow. For the most part I embrace the quiet pace. However when I start comparing with others who do more in one weekend than I do in two months, I feel like I’m missing out - like on family gatherings at holidays, and church, and …..

When I focus on what I cannot do I feel isolated. Lonely. Solitary. Recently it was pointed out to me that Jesus sought out a lonely, isolated place. These desolate places were His choice, so He could talk with His Father.

I think that is part of the reason why I’m in this. So I can pray and seek Him more in the isolation, the loneliness. I find him in the solitude. And I am not lonely when I sense His presence. I feel the joy of His presence. I hear His voice in the quiet.

The nearness of God is my good.

And I know for certainty that I am not alone.

Nevertheless, I am continually with You

You do hold my right hand.

Psalm 73:23

noreply@blogger.com (Lori Basil Brown) — Wed, 11 Oct 2017 21:47:00 +0000

Chemical Sensitivity

"Easily hurt or damaged." We usually think of this definition of sensitive as applying to emotions. It is also the perfect definition for chemical sensitivity.

Most of those of us who are chemically sensitive appear normal outwardly, except that we act a weird. Non-chemically sensitive folks could get the impression that we simply don't care for certain aromas, as if we are talking about opinions regarding colors or clothing. It's understandable if others conclude we exaggerate our symptoms. However, in truth our bodies are damaged, and contact with offending substances causes additional harm.

Trying to breathe near fragrances is like suddenly having all the oxygen sucked out of the room. Being in a building that has water damage, feels something akin to a thirty pound weight being placed on my chest making respiration a struggle.

Shopping is challenging. Many stores are unhealthy for us. Even at a shop that felt healthy, we have purchased clothing that had perfume on it, undetected at the store. In vain we have tried to wash out the scent.

The only public place I venture to regularly is the grocery store which is something of an obstacle course. The laundry aisle must be avoided with all the fragranced products. I hold my breath and scoot past the little lady wearing a big helping of perfume. I pull up the collar of my shirt to cover my nose and mouth because the floor was just wiped up with cleaner that caused lungs to burn. I give up my place in line because a guy donning Axe came up behind.

Some of us end up with migraines and muscle weakness. Most of us already struggle with fatigue. Exposure to fragrances, chemicals and toxins can wipe us out for days. For those of us whose brains were effected, exposure to additional toxins causes brain inflammation causing brain fog, making orderly thinking impossible for hours.

Once I succumbed to my enthusiasm at expectedly meeting a long time dear friend. Without hesitation we embraced. I left smelling just like her perfume. Finding my place for the worship service, immediately a headache set in. In the restroom, I washed the affected section of my hair. I wiped off my blouse. Looking half-baptized, I sat back down in the sanctuary and still got sick from the lingering fragrance.

Dryer sheets which exhaust into the driveways at the back of townhouses where we've lived were suffocating. In addition to not being able to find oxygen, the fragrance lingered in our clothes, hair, continuing to affect us even once home.

In the car, the air conditioning or heat gets turned off when diesel fumes pollute our air supply. Tire and automotive shops are off limits as I've become reactive to latex and rubber. Janelle gets a migraine from using toothpaste with fluoride.

Chemical sensitivity is actually an inflammation reaction, sometimes called CIRS (Chronic Inflammatory Response Syndrome.) For some it is caused by exposure to chemicals. For many it is due to exposure to toxic mold. My dear Dr. P continues to state that if we can get out of living in a water damaged dwelling with consequent mold these extreme reactions will calm down.

That is much easier said than done, but that is my quest, and in prayer, my request.

"And Jesus told them a parable to the effect

that they ought always to pray
and not to give up."

Luke 18:1

noreply@blogger.com (Lori Basil Brown) — Sun, 27 Sep 2015 18:26:00 +0000

"Many are the plans in the mind of a man,

but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand."

Proverbs 19:21

I really wanted to do it. I still really want to do it.

I want to blog. I want to share the amazing ways God has led and healed on this two and a half year journey.

When we set out in the Airstream, in June of 2013, my expectation was to share the journey via this blog. However the reality is that the toxic mold exposure negatively impacted parts of my brain, including vision. The coordination between my brain and eyes is damaged. Thus, reading, doing paper work, or being on the computer for more than ten minutes, causes a migraine, blurred vision and nausea. These few paragraphs have been done in multiple ten minute chunks.

This also limits emails, checkbook balancing, and researching mold and health on the internet, of which there is abundance material. Memorizing and meditating on Scripture is serving me better than prolonged time with my Bible open. Original songs continue to be the fruit of that process.

https://www.youtube.com/user/SongsofaSojourner/videos

My memory is affected too. I am much better and my brain is healing, however at this moment I cannot remember why I seized the opportunity to write.

Here's a thought. For several months, I've been hearing the Lord clearly calling me (and others too, I'm sure) to listen, really listen carefully to what He is saying. That involves using the ears of the heart, giving my weakened ocular system a rest.

"He who has ears to hear, let Him hear."

Matthew 11:15

"Listen diligently to Me...

Incline your ear, and come to Me;

hear, that your soul may live..."

Isaiah 55:3

"My son, be attentive to My words;

incline your ear to My sayings.

Let them not escape from your sight;

keep them within your heart.

For they are life to those who find them,

and healing to all their flesh."

Proverbs 4:20-22

noreply@blogger.com (Lori Basil Brown) — Fri, 30 May 2014 16:00:00 +0000

"...I will sing of Your strength

I will sing aloud of Your steadfast love

in the morning.

For You have been to me a fortress

and a refuge in the day of my distress.

O my Strength

I will sing praises to You

For You, O God, are my fortress,

the God Who shows me steadfast love."

Psalm 59:6,7

It's our anniversary! One year ago yesterday we moved into the Airstream trailer.

I'm grateful for:

caring family and friends who generously contributed to allow us to live in this aluminum safe bubble, "The Bub."
all those who have prayed and are praying to the Lord on our behalf.
last summer at the Agape farm in Shirleysburg, Pennsylvania. We were able to be still and rest and begin getting well.
the gift of a portable clothes washer and spinner combo. Doing laundry outside, hanging it on a line is a joy.
stunning mountain vistas.
the Bub being toxin- and mold-free, even after four significant water leaks and a major bathroom flood.
the Airstream technicians who skillfully repaired our little home on wheels.
our dehumidifier and air purifier.
the Lord's protection and grace during thousands of miles on the road.
the many fascinating people we've met and have been temporary neighbors with.
our visit to the Flight 93 Memorial near Somerset, Pennsylvania.
a day at the Columbus Zoo in Ohio.
two days at the Creation Museum in Petersburg, Kentucky.
sunrises and morning beach walks.
the Myrtle Beach firemen who came to our rescue when one of our propane tanks leaked.
time with my first-born son and his fiancee in North Carolina.
diversity of God's ornithological creatures. My favorite birds with attitude are the Sandhill Cranes.
wisdom to get the Bub out from under the pine trees at Myrtle Beach State Park and unto a parking lot during the January ice storm that put SC into a state of emergency. After the storm, the icy pile of branches in the middle of the site where our trailer had been, confirmed the decision to move. It was an exhilarating day.
a visit to The Cove (Billy Graham's training center) in Asheville, NC, precious fellowship there, and time playing the grand piano in the chapel.
being able to attend my second-born son's college graduation in Baltimore.
time with my family in Maryland.
the Lord's help, wisdom and peace. (I am weak, often not knowing the next step(s) and prone to fear and anxiety.) How gracious and great is our God!
the Great Shepherd, our Lord Jesus Christ, Who has over led the past year, confident He will continue to guide this coming year.
several new songs that have been birthed during this time.
vision to publish and promote some of these songs. Anyone know any (Christian) music industry contacts?
all the healing that has occurred. Thanks be to God!
Janelle's help to post this.
our Airstream home. We are no longer homeless!

Janelle has summed it up in a recent Instagram post:

"One year ago today, I moved into this big lug. It's been God's safe house for me. In the past 365 mold-free days, I'm stronger, healthier, and feel more alive than I have in the past 4 years. I can't wait to see what another year will bring. #Hallelujah #Airstream #liferiveted"

"Have you not known?

Have you not heard?

The Lord is the everlasting God,

the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He does not faint or grow weary;

His understanding is unsearchable.

He gives power to the faint,

and to him who has no might

He increases strength."

Isaiah 40:28-29

noreply@blogger.com (Lori Basil Brown) — Fri, 06 Sep 2013 19:45:00 +0000

“Do not be anxious....”

~ Jesus

in Matthew 6:25-34

~ Paul

in Philippians 4:6

Somewhere deep within, hidden from my awareness until dawning recently, was the expectation that we would move into the Airstream, embark on visiting new and exciting places, meet new and exciting people, and live happily ever after.

Fairy tale endings are only in fairy tales. The rest of life is made up of reality. Here we are, three months and eight days into our Airstream journey, and reality is that our formerly safe bubble has water damage. We can smell it, feel it and are living in it.

It started with a musty odor coming from under the bathroom sink. Armed with a phillips screw driver and determination, I embarked on a reconnaissance mission. Sure enough, after removing a panel at the back of the cabinet, there was a puddle. Not far above, from the connector to the outside water supply, water dripped. Soggy insulation hung down from the plastic ring and a tiny stream trickled down the aluminum wall.

Because there had been a leak in the galley our first night, three months ago I had been thinking that the plumbing underneath the bathroom sink should be exposed. That way we could periodically check for leaks. However, I didn't follow through with having it done. I didn't purchase the leak detectors, as suggested by a wise friend. I told myself I was being paranoid. Relax. Don't worry about it. You're just being anxious. I successfully coaxed myself into not obsessing about water leaks, that is until my olfactory senses detected the dreaded musty odor.

For the fourth time in two months of Airstream ownership, we headed back to the dealership for a repair. The service men have gone way beyond the call of duty to help us. However, the moldy smell remains. In two weeks, we have an appointment at the Airstream factory in Ohio where they will remove the aluminum panels of the shell and disassemble everything in the area, seeking the offensive source.

There are many exhortations in Scripture to be watchful and on the alert; we have an adversary. Mold and toxins have become an enemy to our health. Likewise, according to Jesus, I need to watch and pray to not enter into temptation or sin, far more destructive than water damage, mold and toxins.

The same Lord who tells me not to be anxious, also exhorts me to be watchful. This is for a good reason; there are certain things in life about which I must be vigilant. Our lives depend on it.

“Be sober-minded
be watchful.

Your adversary the devil prowls around
like a roaring lion

seeking someone to devour.

Resist him, firm in your faith...”

I Peter 5:8,9

noreply@blogger.com (Lori Basil Brown) — Fri, 16 Aug 2013 20:44:00 +0000

“When You discipline a man with rebukes for sin

You consume like a moth what is dear to him;

surely all mankind is a mere breath!”

Selah

Psalm 39:11

Quiet solitude and isolation are being used to help me see myself for what I really am. It's raw, and it's ugly.

The distractions of busyness have been exchanged by a slower pace. I'm displaced from the activities and relationships that I used to find identity in. There's time now to take in the panoramic view of my sin, weaknesses, shortcomings and failures. I used to think I was somebody special. (There, friend, is a glimpse of pride.) Now I know that I am nothing. I am nothing apart from Christ. I have nothing good in me. I have no strength, no wisdom, no righteousness of my own. Nothing to take pride in. Nothing.

Since my last post , with sorrow I've realized that I do not cherish Jesus supremely. It is true, I am much less attached to “things.” Yet in reality and practice, I cherish comfort and safety. I treasure my family. I've been brought to my knees with the realization of having nothing to bring to God except my sin, weaknesses, shortcomings and failures.

However, I am not left wallowing in my nothing-ness. This wide angle view of my insufficiency is being superseded by seeing God's all-surpassing sufficiency in Christ Jesus. He has made me an object of His mercy and love. He has given to me His righteousness. He is my strength. He is my wisdom. He is my glory and the lifter of my head. I am His and He is mine. Oh the wonder of His generosity and kindness to this poor sinner!

“Fairest Lord Jesus, Ruler of all nature

O Thou of God and man the Son

Thee will I cherish

Thee will I honor

Thou my soul's glory, joy and crown.”

noreply@blogger.com (Lori Basil Brown) — Tue, 06 Aug 2013 19:28:00 +0000

But whatever gain I had

I counted as loss for the sake of Christ.

Indeed I count everything as loss

because of the surpassing worth
of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.

For His sake I have suffered the loss of all things

and count them as rubbish

in order that I may gain Christ...

Philippians 3:7, 8

These verses have been a focus of meditation over the past three years. Truthfully, I could only read them through the lens of my experience of losing “everything.” It's been an opportunity to know my Savior better. I'm now trying to understand what Paul intended when he wrote from a prison to the believers in Philippi.

Paul was not referring to losing possessions. He wasn't even talking about things.
He was referring to his admirable lineage and to how zealously he lived. Actually, he hadn't lost anything. He had gained a perspective. What once he esteemed, now he deemed rubbish, trash, dung – compared to the surpassing worth and value of Jesus Christ.

To help me grasp this, the Lord saw fit to take away my home and everything in it. These circumstances have been used to help me see what Paul knew: Compared to Jesus, everything else is worthless. The house, the grand piano, the handmade walnut bedroom suite, the collection of books, CDs, DVDs and my mother-in-law's china are valuable monetarily. But compared to Jesus – worth nothing. Jesus, our Savior, is infinitely of greater value. Oh to always have this perspective! Truly the One through Whom everything is made, Who gave His life for us, the glorious risen Savior, truly He alone is to be treasured for His worth. He alone is worthy.

Worthy

is the Lamb who was slain

to receive

power

and

wealth

and

wisdom

and

might

and

honor

and

glory

and

blessing!

Proclaimed with a loud voice around the throne in heaven.

Revelation 5:11, 12

noreply@blogger.com (Lori Basil Brown) — Fri, 05 Jul 2013 18:09:00 +0000

“From now on
those who buy something
should live as if
it were not theirs to keep …”

from I Corinthians 7:29,30

In May, at the townhouse in Urbana, Janelle came running to the top of the stairway, fearing I had fallen down it.

From the adjacent bedroom to hers, it is true, I had yelled “Ouch!” However, she found me not sprawled on the steps, but standing on both feet in the middle of almost empty room.

I was apologetic that I had caused alarm, for my exclamation was premeditated and uttered with complete self-control. There was good reason for yelling: It was painful looking my clothes. A simple wardrobe, yet all of it had to be given away.

We were wisely advised to not take “anything” with us when moving into the Airstream. The fibers of clothing and bedding could harbor unwanted mold spores and toxins which we certainly were trying to avoid going into our Safe Bubble.

What seemed particularly worthy of a loud “Ouch!” was parting with the dress and jacket purchased for Ben and Kara Smith's wedding, a glorious event we were privileged to witness just a few weeks previously. The outfit was an answer to prayer and not a few hours shopping.

Next to the closet of my soon-to-disappear wardrobe sat the Yamaha P140. For the past two years I had worshiped at this electronic piano and written songs of lament as well as songs of praise. Once this keyboard sold I would be a pianist without a piano. That is akin to not having any clothes to wear. It took all my self-control to hold back the tears.

“Why does this hurt so bad? I've been through this before. Several times already I've left everything I owned.”

“The most important things in life are not things.” I had learned this. I had found freedom in not having much, and cherishing what is truly most important. However after two and a half short years, I was enjoying gifts given and necessities purchased, with the silly expectation they were mine to keep.

“Mom, remember. They are only things, and you can't take them with you when you die.” Janelle's blunt wisdom helped bring me back to my senses. We've stated that truth to each other at needed times and she knew the reminder was necessary again..

“Thank you, O wise daughter of mine, you are right.” I relaxed. “This is a season. They are only things.” Together we embraced the joy of giving away what we had, and enjoyed rediscovering the simplicity of having less.

“There is a time for everything

and a season for every activity under the heavens:

...a time to keep

and a time to throw away...”

Ecclesiastes 3:1, 6

noreply@blogger.com (Lori Basil Brown) — Sat, 08 Jun 2013 14:47:00 +0000

This has happened
that we might not rely on ourselves

but on God Who raises the dead.

He has delivered us from such a deadly peril

and He will deliver us again.

On Him we have set our hope
that He will continue to deliver us.

II Corinthians 1:9,10

Bub, our safe bubble was threatened by water damage. The water line under the kitchen sink dripped water, and from our eyes poured tears as we cried to God again.

Last Wednesday, after a visit to our chiropractor because Janelle's back went out, after the four hour trip to Greensburg, Pennsylvania, and after handing over a sizeable bank check for the travel trailer and officially owning it, Janelle and I sat at the dinette and started to relax. From that vantage point, I noticed the puddle of water at the base of the galley sink cabinetry. The Airstream service crew immediately tightened what was loose, lifted up the base on the floor to air out and tested the water line again. Leak fixed, they finally got to go home after staying for us over three hours past their normal time to leave.

Per my request, on Thursday the service men removed the wood base that was saturated as a result of the leak.

Friday, my first solo towing experience was twenty minutes away to the nearest campground. Janelle and I high-fived after successfully de-coupling the Bub from the Beast. We mastered our first electric and water hook-ups.

Saturday, there was a little puddle of water on the shelving under the galley sink. We stopped using the kitchen faucet.

Sunday, we disconnected the water hook up to the trailer because the water line continued to drip.

Monday morning, before hitching the Bub to the Beast to return to the Airstream dealership, Janelle and I beseeched the Lord for grace, protection and wisdom. Our tears pooled on the table and floor. For me, most were tears of repentance. Over the past few weeks, I had dismissed a subtle nudge to examine my heart. Now there was no ignoring the truth: I had transferred my hope from God to an Airstream trailer.

In the first few months of homelessness, God clearly spoke II Corinthians 1:9 to my heart. These circumstances were designed to teach me to not trust in myself but in God alone. God alone.

After a year of asking for a way out of the chaos of leaving one water damaged residence after another, the Airstream answer became clear. Airstream has the reputation for water tight recreational vehicles. All systems, including plumbing are meticulously checked by the dealerships before the final sale. A safe, leak-free Airstream became my hope for Janelle and me to get well.

Monday afternoon, the service crew put in a new line, eliminating extraneous connections. They checked behind the cabinetry to confirm that there was no water damage. Monday, with renewed desire, I purposed to trust in God alone.

It is still unsettling for our Safe Bubble to have had a water leak. However, today I thank our God because it showed me my heart. There is only One Refuge, One Hope, One Savior.

“Find rest O my soul, in God alone;

my hope comes from Him.

Trust in Him at all times, you people;

pour out your hearts to Him

for God is our refuge.”

Psalm 62:5,8

noreply@blogger.com (Lori Basil Brown) — Mon, 20 May 2013 19:37:00 +0000

“Do not throw away your confidence.

You need to persevere....

we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed

but of those who believe and are saved.”

Hebrews 10:35, 39

Pursuing the Airstream has felt like being stuck a confusing maze. For six months, every time I turned a new corner expecting to see the way forward, I only found another dead end.

Taking one persevering faith step at a time, often with fear and trembling, I maneuvered around a wall recently, and to my amazement, the maze was behind me.

Last week we purchased a lightly used 2012 Ford Expedition. Next week with Janelle, I will drive “The Beast” to Pennsylvania where it will meet its companion trailer. A 2012 Airstream passed our sensitivity test three weeks ago. It was the first trailer in this whole pursuit in which my lungs felt fine. Our new home, our safe bubble, we dubbed “The Bub.”

Still the question remains, “Where do we live next?” Now, however, the query is filled with joyful anticipation. Our adventure has begun with The Beast and The Bub.

Praise be to God, our Guide and Keeper.

“I will instruct you and

teach you

in the way you should go

I will counsel you and

watch over you.

Psalm 32:8

noreply@blogger.com (Lori Basil Brown) — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 22:57:00 +0000

“Grace and peace to you
from God the Father
and the Lord Jesus Christ.”

Philippians 1:2

The routine has been interrupted for a few months. No longer have I been awaking at 2 a.m. pondering “What do I do next?” and “Where are we going to live?” For several hours my mind would keep me sleepless, trying to figure out the solution.

Last night it happened again. A few hours before retiring to bed, we found out that the Airstream trailer we thought was going to be home, which I deposited $2,000 to reserve, the one I paid to have an expensive mold test done on, that Airstream had some water intrusion this winter.

Somehow a snow plow had managed to dent in every single Airstream trailer lined up along the road. Janelle and I saw the ugly craters on the end of each beautiful Airstream trailer that had not yet gone to the shop for a new panel. The dealership representative assured us that there was no breaking of seals or puncturing through the aluminum, only dents.

Yesterday I inquired further by phone. Last evening I got my answer. The Airstream we chose to purchase was the only one on the lot that, in addition to the indentation, also had a broken window and yes, precipitation made it's way inside. The compelling reason for choosing an Airstream for a home was the company's reputation of making products that are water tight.

Congratulations to us! Janelle and I probably found the only new Airstream trailer in the U.S. that had water intrusion. Last night we laughed. Last night we cried. Last night we fell before the Lord in desperation again.

I awoke at 3 a.m. and for the countless time rehearsed every option ever considered for safe housing. None of them are viable. Lying in bed I reminded myself of all the promises spoken to me from God's Word over the past two and a half years. I committed ourselves to His Fatherly care. Still unable to sleep, I got up, ate a snack, and started to go back to bed but stopped.

From deep within, praying took to the form of song. Abide with me...Help of the helpless, come abide with me. Over and over again. Help of the helpless come abide with me. Those were the only words which surfaced from that beautiful old hymn. Worship was more needful than sleep. Be still my soul, the winds and waves still know His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below... We expect a bright tomorrow, all, all is well. Faith can sing through days of sorrow...On the Father's love relying; Jesus, every need supplying...

Eventually I returned to my air mattress, but still slumber alluded me. I reviewed my memory verse for the day. Philippians 2.1: “Grace and peace to you from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.” From the Lord to Lori. Grace. Peace. That's all I needed. Grace and peace. I received it and didn't realize God's grace and peace allowed me to go back to sleep until I woke up to the morning light.

"The Lord gives strength to His people
the Lord blesses His people with peace."

Psalm 29:11

noreply@blogger.com (Lori Basil Brown) — Tue, 23 Apr 2013 01:44:00 +0000

"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known

Along unfamiliar paths I will guide them."

Is 42.16

I felt like the lone duck drifting along the surface of the spacious lake at the park. The afternoon sun created dancing diamonds on the water. A cool breeze made winter coats a necessity despite the April sunshine. Sitting on the strip of beach surrounded by greening mountains was a Sabbath day delight. Janelle and I inhaled the beauty. Although this was a foretaste of the possibilities of our “backyard” in the coming days, I felt alone and undirected/rudderless/afloat with the myriad of options before me.

Once the decision to purchase the Airstream travel trailer we visited last week is confirmed, there are more choices to make. “Where will you put it?” I've been asked many times. Some of those who love us think we should find a place to park the trailer locally. Maryland is where friends and family are. However, the reality is that we've remained in the area for over two and a half years and still cannot be together with most people we love.

Some others share our excitement in taking the opportunity to travel. After all, we will be living in a travel trailer. We've been thrust into a nomadic lifestyle. We're ready to embrace it. Janelle is seventeen, has graduated from high school a year early, and comes alive when we take little road trips. Seeing new horizons brings delight to her life limited by fatigue and chemical and mold sensitivities.. We've been in a survive-the-chaos-mode for a long time.

Yesterday the to-travel-or-not-to-travel internal debate threatened the peace I've been resting in. What is best? Will we remain isolated in our travels? Will our immunes systems calm down as we live in a home free from mold toxins? Is it unwise to travel, just the two of us? Are others right in thinking we should park the travel trailer here?

Dizzy from the spinning thoughts, I heard the Lord say, “Be still. What did I tell you this morning?”

The morning I had fed my soul on the myriad of underlined passages in my Bible in Isaiah. Rereading them afresh was delicious to my soul. “I am He who will sustain you....I will strengthen you....so do not fear, for I am with you...I am doing a new thing, do you not perceive it?” These are the promises that rescued me from despair not too long ago. They are a part of the firm foundation on which I stand.

I will lead the blind in ways they have not known; along unfamiliar paths I will guide them. I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.

All my life He has led. Homeless, ill and broken, He has led. He led me to the Airstream. Will He not, in His great faithfulness continue to lead?

I do no know yet where we will go with the Airstream. The assurance I needed at the end of the day, was already given to me in the morning. End of internal debate. "I will lead. I will guide."

noreply@blogger.com (Lori Basil Brown) — Sat, 20 Apr 2013 18:06:00 +0000

“Although the Lord gives you

the bread of adversity

and the water of affliction

your teachers will be hidden no more

with your own eyes you will see them.

Whether you turn to the right or to the left

your ears will hear a voice behind you saying,

'This is the way; walk in it.' ”

Isaiah 30:20.21

Today I am thankful. I thought I would be giddy, silly with excitement. Instead, I feel peace.

I hear that still, small voice whispering, “This is the way; walk in it.” I've heard that leading before, when I was led to the “new, never lived in” Urbana townhouse which we had to move out of six months later because of plumbing leaks damaging ceiling drywall. It wasn't the safe housing I thought we were being led to. Instead, it was a good place in a lovely neighborhood, another temporary home that helped us see we cannot continue renting and moving. We need a safe-for-our-health place to own.

For months, seeing no other way to affordable safe housing, I have looked into obtaining an Airstream trailer that is mold and mold toxin free, and without outgassing chemicals which aggravate my lungs.

In visiting Airstream travel trailers over the past five months, I have felt like Goldilocks sampling bowls of porridge. The Airstream RV/conversion van was too small. Several trailers, too toxic. One was too moldy. To purchase an unfinished trailer and have the interior custom designed was too expensive.

After a trip to Greensburg, Pennsylvania, two days ago, it appears that we have found one that will be just right. It will be just right after some modifications.

We need to take out the cushions for the bench seats; the foam interior has fire retardant chemicals which are toxic, causing my lungs to burn. We'll wipe down every surface of the interior because of contamination picked up along the way. The mattresses may or may not be suitable. But there is no water damage in the entire structure, which has not been true of one place we've lived in the past seven years. It looks like this can be the safe dwelling our bodies require for recovering.

I am thankful. I am peaceful. There is a little joy-bubble of anticipation deep within.

Trusting God,

Goldilocks, aka Lori Brown

“You will go out with joy

and be led forth in peace.”

Isaiah 55:12

noreply@blogger.com (Lori Basil Brown) — Tue, 16 Apr 2013 18:25:00 +0000

“Therefore I am now going to allure her

I will lead her into the desert

and speak tenderly to her.

There I will give her back her vineyards

and will make the Valley of Achor

a door of hope.”

Hosea 2:15

What husband chooses a desert for romantic wooing? Beautiful beaches and mountain settings stir this heart. Yet here was God, a husband to His people, alluring by leading into a wasteland.

The second night of our homeless journey, Saturday, September 18, 2010, seeking to quiet my soul before going to sleep, I gripped the little piece of paper. A week previously, I had scribbled down Hosea 2:15 for contemplation. Now swirling thoughts inundated my mind with the realization that we no longer had a home.

I grasped that our lives were drastically changed. However, I could not fathom the extent of the damage to our bodies. I couldn't foresee that in the coming two and a half years, my daughter Janelle and I would live in over twenty places and still not have a healthy dwelling to recover in.

I could not imagine the isolation of the desert before me or the desperation of the valley. “Valley of Achor” means “valley of trouble.” Janelle and I were homeless and ill. Hopelessness threatened my soul. Yet on this love note in my hand, were promises from my heavenly husband. He was leading. In the heat and harshness, He would speak tenderly. This heart stirred. The One who desires intimacy would use these circumstances to allure me to Himself. The Lover of my soul could make this desert a place of fruitfulness and my Valley of Achor a door of hope.

So, we rejoice in our sufferings

because we know that
suffering produces perseverance

perseverance, character

and character, hope.

And hope does not disappoint us

because God has poured out His love

into our hearts

by the Holy Spirit
whom He has given to us.

Romans 5:3-5