...Lots of pink and a little bit of blue...

Fair-Weather Friends- skip this one.

2012-01-29T22:39:00.001-07:00

I was just thinking that when we're depressed after having a baby and we're asked how we're doing, we can say "Well....I've got postpartum depression..." and people know just what we're talking about. I'd like to have a blanket description like that for the way I feel lately. Sometimes I just pray that no one will ask me how I'm doing because I'm afraid that all of the pent up frustration in my head will come spewing out of my mouth mixed together with tears and snot. A lovely visual.

Today at church (which I would have stayed home from had it not been that Mason was giving a scripture and I was playing the piano) every other sentence spoken during the lessons made me want to cry. For no good reason. I just felt like bawling.

And when this nice girl from my ward came up to me after church and asked me how things were going, I just smiled and said "Things are great!" Puh-lease. Such a liar. What I wanted to say was "Today I feel like a complete and total failure of a person. My kids fight, my dishes are always piled high, the only reason my kids' hair got washed this week was because we went swimming yesterday, I'm a pathetic looser when it comes to weight loss, my car hasn't been vacuumed in months, no matter how many times I clean my garage it always looks like I'm getting ready for a yard sale, my oldest daughter hates me, my testimony isn't as strong as I'd like it to be, I stay up way too late at night, I don't read my scriptures, I haven't done my visiting teaching this month, I forgot to call my mother-in-law on her birthday, I still haven't sent my step-mom's Christmas present, I'm feeling quite sorry for myself and all I feel like doing is climbing into bed and watching Intervention on A&E which I probably watch because it makes me feel better about myself."

And who wants to hear that?

Which is why I say I'm fine. They don't want to hear it and I certainly don't want to say it.

Thankfully my mom sees right through "I'm fine." What I'd do without her, I'll never know.

I'm not looking for sympathy here. Just venting a bit. I have good days and bad days just like everyone does. Keeping it real.

Moving on.

Yesterday a friend and I took the kids to Jackson Hole to swim at the rec. center. It was so much fun (minus the car ride). I'm glad we have a place like that where we can go on occasion to build some good memories.

Tonight Mason said "Hale-u-lah. Wait, what's that word?" and "Mom, remember when we watched Pirates of the Carodina with grandpa Greg?" He also said in reference to a birthday party "Mia got to go once and Brooklynn got go once and I got to go nonce!"

He is so funny.

Oh- and did I mention that Bre made it into Upper Valley Idol? Her first performance is on the 17th so she's singing like crazy to prepare.

Puzzle

2012-01-27T23:41:00.001-07:00

Mason was insistent that we start putting together the Manhattan puzzle today. So we did. He helped for a few minutes and then I was on my own. I got all the colors sorted...

...and I got the border put together. It took me forever.

Ryan, if you're reading this, I sure wish you weren't quite so far away. I could use some help.

Did you see this today?

2012-01-27T12:14:00.002-07:00

My brother and I were having a conversation about Chicken Nuggets a while back. I saw this today on Yahoo and found it disturbing. You may have seen it, but just in case...

What’s so bad about nuggets?

They would be bad enough if they were merely chunks of chicken that had been breaded and deep-fried in oil. One documentary describes McDonald's nuggets as chickens “stripped down to the bone, and then 'ground up’ into a chicken mash, then combined with a variety of stabilizers and preservatives, pressed into familiar shapes, breaded and deep fried, freeze dried, and then shipped to a McDonald’s near you.”

Aside from chicken and oil, those “stabilizers and preservatives” are said to includedimethylpolysiloxane, a form of silicone also used in cosmetics. Another additive is tertiary butylhydroquinone (TBHQ), a form of butane. According to one report, chicken is only about 50 percent of a McNugget; the remainder is a mixture of corn-derived ingredients, sugars and synthetic substances.

If a four-piece serving of Chicken McNuggets carried a nutrition label, at first glance it wouldn’t seem too scary: 190 calories, 12 grams of carbs and 12 grams of fat. But consider that more than half of those calories (56 percent) are from fat—and protein accounts for a mere four percent. Add a whopping 360 mg sodium, and its image as “the more nutritious fast-food snack” fades.

Before and After: Boat Picture

2012-01-26T09:59:00.000-07:00

Rachelle asked where I got the art display frame- and I realized that I never posted before and after pictures of the fabulous (super ugly) boat picture transformation.

Here's the before:

And the after:

I painted the frame black, added these clips and that was it. I think it cost me like $12 total.

Project Paint with Circles

2012-01-25T10:33:00.002-07:00

I saved some lids from different bottles- Gatorade bottles, spice bottles, water bottles, milk cartons- and then hot glued a wooden thread spool to each one. Then Mason and I (and Brook and Mia when they got home from school) dipped the circle shapes into regular acrylic paint and went to town. Super easy. Super fun. Super cheap.

Zumba and Bad Taffy

2012-01-24T00:57:00.000-07:00

I finally bought new Zumba shoes. Of course, I didn't bother to ask what shoes would be best for Zumba. I just found some that seemed to be good and that were on sale. My friend asked me if I'd bake cookies in a bread pan just because it was a good bread pan. Point received.

Tonight I tried the shoes out at a class and they were terrible. Like, my feet were aching so I took them off and finished the class in my socks terrible. The socks weren't much better. Or much worse for that matter.

I'll be taking the shoes back tomorrow.

It finally snowed here in Eastern Idaho so I took the kids sledding for the first time this season. They had so much fun at first. The hill was the perfect size. Not to big to walk up, but big enough to sled down. Then my friend brought her dog (who my kids adore) and it was pretty much over for Brooklynn. Mason kept sledding. Mia did off and on. But Brook was determined to hold that silly dog- who, I might add, is the most hyper dog I have ever seen (and who is for sale if you're looking).

Look at all that snow we have. If I didn't know better I'd think it was April.

Here's what happened as soon as the dog came into the picture. Reason #47 why we don't have a dog.
.

Mason hasn't been feeling well for the past few days. Sore throat. Cough. Stomach ache. Today he was feeling a bit better, but I noticed what looked like the beginning of an eye infection so I asked if he wanted eye drops. He's never had them before, but what a trouper. I remember trying to get eye drops in one of the other kids' eyes....Brooklynn or Mia....and man alive. It was always a miserable experience. It took forever. And there were tears. Lots of tears.

Mason wasn't happy about the drops tonight, but after 5 minutes he was fine. He did cry after they were in because he was sure he'd never be able to open his eyes again and he'd be blind.

After the kids were in bed I wanted toast, but the pantry was locked and I couldn't find the key. Annoying. Yes. We have a lock on the pantry because we have kids who climb the pantry shelves and have broken them so I finally changed the knob so I could lock the door and now I am forever loosing the key.

So instead of toast, I'm having tortilla chips and Christmas taffy.

Geez.

What a waste of a perfectly good Zumba class. At least if it was the taffy that my mother-in-law sends every year I might be enjoying it (because that stuff is awesome), but the taffy I have is junk.

Strange...

2012-01-21T14:18:00.001-07:00

I just stumbled upon this over here. So very strange.

Did you know that moms use to hide under a blanket or a rug

while their child was being photographed? Ha!

And check this out over there too. I thought it was so cool.

Art students remade famous paintings using photography.

She's got more fun stuff on her blog. Check it out.

"Meet me at the Face lift"

2012-01-20T00:01:00.000-07:00

Tonight was the second night of the community ski program. I almost had the person in charge of the whole thing (my mom) convinced to cancel the trip today because of the weather. It was raining and there was absolutely no snow on the ground. It is miserable to ski in the rain.

Fortunately she decided not to cancel because the snow was great on the mountain. The kids had such a good time and did so well! I had a good time too until the last run of the night when Mason and I fell off the chair lift. We weren't ready when the chair came around and I couldn't get Mason scooted back quick enough before his skis got wedged beneath the chair and the snow. His skis got tangled in my skis and then my skis got wedged in the snow and when the chair left the little covered area we both sort of launched into the air and came down onto our chests in the snow on the hill below. We didn't fall far enough to do any major damage- it just knocked the wind out of us, gave us each a headache and got us a trip to ski patrol. It was the same lift that Mia fell off of last year.

Geez.

Moving on.

I can't quit thinking about a conversation I had tonight where I completely got my facts mixed up and didn't realize it until the person I was talking to had left. I feel so silly now.

Bre has been wanting to snowboard and I haven't wanted to let her because I thought it was a waste of time (and money to rent a board). I was sure she wouldn't like it just like when she tried it a couple of winters ago.

But my mom had a free board rental and thought I should let her try it and so I agreed. Bre loved it! And she did so great.

I'm so glad my mom is around to give me her opinion. Sometimes I agree with her. Sometimes I don't. But it's always nice to hear what she thinks.

Boy, my head still hurts bad. I think I should sleep now.

Tuesday Night

2012-01-19T12:56:00.001-07:00

While I got Mason to bed...

Bre read to the girls. Love that they have each other. I hope they become best friends.

Wiggle my what?

2012-01-18T22:32:00.003-07:00

The wind blew hard today. It pushed our trampoline across the yard and into our little retaining wall. Maybe it's time to take it down for the season.

We made Play Dough. And cookies. Pumpkin ones- and they are dang good. I'm sending a big plate of them to Ryan tomorrow. It has nothing to do with the fact that he is 4 pounds ahead of me in our little weight loss challenge. I'm not bitter.

Speaking of weight loss, I went to Zumba again tonight and man do I love it but I feel oh so silly doing those dances. I've definitely improved since I started but oh my. Glad there are no mirrors in there. Every week I tell myself that I need to practice at home and every week I don't. Maybe this week.

And Sara- if you're reading this- the wiggle song is not my favorite. Ha!

Upwords, Laughing Cow and Ski Socks.. bits of randomness.

2012-01-16T23:06:00.001-07:00

Bre and I played the game Upwords for an hour tonight instead of reading at bedtime. She thought I took too long on my turns and got really tired of waiting for me. I thought she was impatient. I won by 5 points. Take that miss speedy shorts.

On my way to my room I turned off lights and locked doors and counted 8 light bulbs that need to be changed. That's a lot of bulbs I tell ya.

Earlier, Brook and I took the car to get serviced. I love that they vacuum the interior for free when they service it. That's something I don't miss about Pennsylvania. I remember once in PA when I picked of my car from the service place and said "Oh- I think you forgot to vacuum it." The guy looked at me like I was smoking something, handed me my keys and said "We don't vacuum."

Awkward.

Here they even clean the little people finger prints off of the insides of your windows.

Have you ever had cheese wedges?

They are my favorite. Favorite. I almost just had one (or two) with pretzels. Then I remembered that Ryan and I are having a little contest and I'm gonna get my behind handed to me if I don't quit eating after the kids are in bed. So nothing but water for me tonight. Do try them if you haven't already. The Garlic and Herb are the best, I think.

I bought the kids some coats last week for skiing, but they weren't warm enough so I returned them today. I got some at Big 5 instead and used their $10 off coupon. I actually used 4 coupons and saved 40 bucks by paying for each coat separately. It never hurts to ask, and sometimes the answer is yes.

The kids' feet were freezing in their boots on Thursday because I had them all in cotton socks. Bad idea. I got these at Big 5 today too and they are so much warmer. No cotton. Love them.

Sunday drama...

2012-01-15T21:27:00.000-07:00

I remember one day a few years ago during testimony meeting at church when a woman stood up and expressed, rather emotionally, some of the frustrations she was experiencing. She talked about the chaos in her home and the constant arguing and tension between all of her kids. Until that moment, I had always thought that this particular woman had it so together. Her family seemed so fun and happy and she seemed to have a good handle on life in general.

But that day I got a glimpse of what life was really like for her during that time and the image of her up there on the stand in tears is one that has stood out in my mind.

I have since learned more about her family and what they were going through and the things she said that day make more sense to me now. She had a house full of teens and pre-teens who were all struggling with their own individual issues and it was her job, as the mom, to help them try to work through it all.

That was her job whether she liked it or not.

And it was hard.

And she struggled with it every single day.

I don't have teenagers yet, but some days I feel like I do. The fighting and the arguing and the back talk are all more than I have energy for.

I put my kids to bed at 7 tonight because I just couldn't stand one more argument over slippers. One more scream about Polly Pockets. One more tear about the unfairness of life.

I was just done.

Of course putting them to bed at 7 doesn't mean much because it was 8:30 before they stopped begging me to let them stay up and actually went to sleep.

This morning Mason wanted to go to church with my mom, so it was just the girls and I. We got to church 20 minutes early (I know!) and it was lovely. I felt good about being on time. I felt good that I was prepared. I felt good about the whole thing. I thought that because I had done things right, everything would go well.

But during the meeting, there was drama with one child in particular and with each minute that passed I felt more and more energy drain out of my body. I went from feeling anxious to listen and learn to feeling anxious, drained and wishing I could leave. I had to try really hard not to be angry at the child who was causing all the drama. Really hard. I was so frustrated with her. At one point during one of the talks the speaker talked about how we should try to treat our neighbors as well as we treat our children. I almost laughed out loud because at that very moment I felt like drop-kicking my kid out the door.

After church the drama wasn't non-stop, but it was enough to give me a headache. It is really hard for me to stay positive and happy and fun when my kids are fighting and treating each other (and me) poorly.

Geez.

What a night.

Uno and Hide 'n' Seek

2012-01-15T09:52:00.000-07:00

I'm not quite sure why I always seem to have more energy after the sun goes down. I bet I'd be quite productive if I lived someplace where it was night time for 6 months in a row.

We rearranged a bit today. I moved the temple picture over to the stairway. I like it way mucho there. It's definitely a stand alone piece.

And for now, this is the shelf above the couch. I know that the clocks are wrong. They always have been. Probably always will be.

Last night Mason and I played Uno after the girls crashed on the couches. They slept most of the night there.... until they all came into my room one by one. Talk about sleep interrupted.

Mason won every single game of Uno that we played. Every single one. And he won all three times that we played memory. I can't believe he's old enough to legitimately beat me when we play games.

Tonight Brook wanted to play hide and seek, so we did. The only problem was that every time she was the seeker, she'd get scared after about a minute of looking and yell to us to come out. After round 3 we gave up and decided to play Uno instead.

Glycerin Bubbles and Community Ski

2012-01-13T22:30:00.000-07:00

(source)

Today was a lazy day for sure. Yesterday was the first day of the community ski program that my mom runs every year. I chaperone so that I can ski with my kids. Usually I don't take them all at once because 3 beginning skiers is a bit more than I can handle. Two seemed to be a good limit last year. (Bre has been skiing long enough now that she doesn't need my help at all... and in fact, I hardly see her at all on the mountain because she pretty much flies down the hill.)

However, all 3 little kids were so excited to go yesterday and I decided I could handle taking them all. They skied last year. They knew what they were doing. It wouldn't be so bad. Plus we got them used skis this year to save a bit of money and so that we wouldn't have to deal with the hassle of renting, so it would be fine.

Oh my.

That was a mistake. It's way easier to rent then to haul 4 sets of skis (theirs plus mine) from the car to the lodge and then back again at the end of the night when we're all exhausted and freezing. Plus Brook's boots were too tight and there was nothing we could do about it. The skis are going back to the store tomorrow, that's for sure.

The first run down the hill was definitely the worst. I went on the lift with Mason. Brook and Mia went together. It was their first time on the lift without an adult. They did well. All three kids fell as soon as we got to the top of the hill and thus it began. After getting them all back to their feet, I told them to make a wedge and then follow me, just like last year. Mason forgot how to make a wedge, flew down the hill and crashed. Brook stayed with me pretty well until she crashed while I was helping Mason. She couldn't get up and when Mia tried to help her, she fell too. I told Mason to stay put while I hiked back up the hill to help Brook and Mia. After reaching them, I turned around to see that Mason had continued down the hill, gone the wrong way, and crashed.

That pattern continued all the way to the bottom of the hill and by then, I was ready to call it a night. I decided to take them up once more to see if things improved at all and that run was only slightly better than the first. By the time we reached the bottom of the hill the second time, we were all tired and freezing, so we headed to the lodge to warm up, have dinner and then to leave.

Fortunately my mom was still in the lodge and after we ate, she came up the mountain to see with us for a while.

That made all the difference. Having one more set of hands to help the kids made it better for all of us and by the time she left, the kids had remembered what they'd learned last year and were having so much fun. After every run, they'd beg to go up again. Brook wanted to stay till midnight. Mason thought I was the funnest mom ever. Mia thought I was skiing too slow.

We ended up being the last skiers on the hill. We stayed until closing and by then we were so cold and tired that making it to the car was quite a trek. The kids had so much fun, though. It was so great to see Brook and Mia on the lift together. They kept humming The Smurfs theme song, which I didn't even know that they knew. Mason was so funny to listen to on the chair lift. At one point he pointed at the stars and said "Look at all those Earths!" He told me his favorite lines from the Judy Moody movie and told me about how cold it was in Antarctica. He also told me that bugs don't live there, only Penguins do.

He's such a funny kid.

Today we were all pretty tired and I was worried that I'd have trouble getting the kids to school. I almost let Mia stay home, but she ended up going after all. Bre went skiing with my mom and the high school ski club, so it was just the little kids at home after school. It was a pretty chill day. Lots of movie watching, card playing and resting.

Oh, and we made bubbles. I finally picked up some Glycerin from the health food store. It worked great. Mix 1 gallon of warm water (I filled up a cleaned out milk carton) with about 1/4 cup of dawn dish soap and 1/4 cup glycerin. Then we cut the bottoms off of some kid sized water bottles and the kids went to town. Fantastic.

Sunday

2012-01-09T02:20:00.001-07:00

The kids slept at my moms house last night so that I could take Ryan to the airport early this morning. We talked all the way there. We talk a lot when we drive. On my way home, I didn't turn the radio on. I just listened to the sound of the freeway. I wasn't in the mood for music.

I went to my moms and slept there for a bit until the kids woke up. We stayed for breakfast since church is later in the day now. I'm so grateful for the help of my family. Parents who are supportive, generous and helpful. Siblings who offer their talents and time. Aunts who send sweet text messages at just the right time. (thanks Sue).

My family rocks.

Before church I brought up an issue that started an argument with Bre. I don't always think through things before I say them. That's definitely a weakness of mine. Things had been going so smoothly and I rocked the boat for sure. Something needed to be said, but my timing was off... as it seems to be quite frequently. If only I always knew what to say and when to say it.

Anyways, at church Bre sat with some friends in the chapel instead of with us in the foyer. The speaker was turned off where we were, so I could hardly hear the meeting. I was fairly preoccupied with the kids anyways, so I didn't really worry about it. After the meeting Bre told me that she had born her testimony. I wished I had heard her. She hasn't done that for a few years now. When she was younger she did it all the time.

In a later meeting today, something was said that made me recognize how poorly I had handled the situation with Bre this morning. My part in the whole thing became very clear- as well as what I could have done differently. I could see that I had been more worried about being right than being a good example of how to deal with conflict.

Things got progressively better as the day went on. The kids and I spent a lot of time together. Especially Bre and I. I sat with her while she practiced her piano and helped her with all of her songs. I really tried to stay positive and I wasn't pushy. That made all the difference in the world. Since she started taking piano 5 or 6 months ago, she's moved from a level 2 to a level 4. She's got a real gift, that girl and I have to be careful not to push too hard.

After I read to Mia and Mason, Bre asked if she could curl my hair. Normally I would have said no. It was bed time. I was tired. But when she asked me, I saw my brothers girlfriend in my mind. When my girls ask her if they can do her hair or paint her nails, she frequently says yes and she is happy to let them. They love that. So much. When they ask me to do my hair or nails, it never seems to be a good time. So tonight, I saw Corinne in my mind and I let Bre curl my hair. We sat on her bed and talked while she curled. She was so proud or her work and really did a good job.

I can't believe that I have a daughter who's old enough to do my hair.

Crazy.

After my hair was done, we read. Bre, Brooklynn and I. First I read some books to them and then Bre read one to us. My eyes were heavy so I closed them. After the book was done, Bre thought I was asleep and she tried to be super quiet so that I wouldn't wake up and go out. I fell asleep and stayed until they had both fallen asleep. It was such a peaceful evening.

Never mind that it's 2am now and I'm wide awake.

It was definitely worth it.

Lay off me, I'm tired.

2012-01-06T02:15:00.001-07:00

We just spent the last 2 hours wandering around the grocery store playing what turned out to be the longest ever grocery game. Rules: divide into teams. Each team finds 10 items. Meet back at the front of the store and trade carts. Race to see who can return items to the correct place first. It's fun. Everybody can play. It's free. Lovely.

Usually it doesn't take too long. Maybe 45 minutes or so.

But today it took forever.

And everyone was so tired by the end. Brook, Mia and I walk all over the place trying to find where the flashlight key chains went. Ryan, Bre and Mason couldn't find where to put the orange water fragrance. I was surprised that they figured out where the Turkey Brine went. And the miniature Mexican drinks.

It was fun though.

It's great to have an activity that everybody in the family can participate in and enjoy.

After we got home, we had Oreo Smoothies and Strawberries. Then it was bedtime. Hurray.

Here are a few pictures from last week. My brother and sister-in-law were here from Washington with their two kids. Brooklynn followed Mckay around just like she did when we visited them. She wants to run a pre-school when she grows up.

Mia and grandma made cookies while the grown-ups played games.

My sister-in-law taught me how to make bread and my bread turned out so yummy!

Here's what it looked like right out of the oven.

And here it is after Mason took a big chunk right out of the side. Nice.

I tried to make some more the other day on my own, but couldn't remember the temp to cook it on, or the cook time. I tried to guess and burnt it. Next time I'll call someone.

"It's always better when we're together"

2012-01-04T12:56:00.002-07:00

My sister-in-law is getting married this summer so we went dress shopping the other day for the girls' bridesmaid and flower girl dresses. They were in heaven.

Pageant hands. Ha!

We think we found the right dresses but haven't decided 100%. We'll have to go back again next week.
Don't worry, Megan, the gaudy blue dress was just for fun. ;)

Last night I went to Zumba with some friends and left the kids with Ryan, one of the perks of having a husband actually live here. After the class, I called Ryan to see if he cared if I went with my friends to get Frozen Yogurt. (I know, right? After Zumba.) He had been playing hide and seek with the kids told me he'd take care of bedtime. Lovely.

The first Yogurt place we went to had closed down so we went to another one where we sampled their yogurt and decided to leave. All the flavors were nasty. They might think twice about letting people try before they buy. The third place we went was closing so we ended up at Applebees where we stayed and chatted until midnight. It was lovely. How nice to be able to stay out past bedtime. When I got home, the kitchen was clean. Ryan had played hide and seek with the kids, read to them, got them to bed and then did dishes. Hello. Love that man.

Tonight I went to Zumba again (took Mason and Mia with...) and when I got home, Ryan had cleared everything out of my bay of the garage (which had been a mess after we cleaned the garage the other day) so that I wouldn't have to park outside again. Bedtime was great, like it was once upon a time. He was in charge of two, I was in charge of two. I helped my two clean their room, played with them for a bit and then read to them. Ryan was reading with his two the whole time and is still reading to them now (or at least to the one who's still awake.) He gave Bre The Hunger Games book for Christmas and they're trying to finish it before he goes back to New Jersey on Sunday.

We're sure going to miss him.

We won't see him again for 5 months.

But then he'll be done.
Completely.

Can hardly wait for that.

He's interviewed with 4 local judges for a clerkship this summer, as well as with a firm in Boise (although we'd both rather him not get that job since we'd have to move.) I'd really like for him to get the job with the judge he interned with this summer. That'd be ideal.

We shall see.

Hopefully we'll know sooner rather than later.

We've been playing the waiting game (in one form or another) for the last 4 years.

Things I'll miss when Ryan leaves:
-Hanging out.
-Conversations that can be completed without constant interruption.
-The way he plays with the kids.
-His help with the dishes. He rocks at dishes.
-His help unloading groceries. He always (and always has) helps me unload the car after I go to the grocery store. Usually without me even asking.
-His help with the kids in the morning.
-His help with the kids at bedtime.
-Watching movies after the kids are (finally) asleep.
-The way when Bre rolls her eyes, he looks up to the ceiling to see what she's looking at. She doesn't think it's quite as funny as I do.
-The way he reads with the kids and that they love to read just as much as he does.
-His compliments.
-His encouragement.
-Dealing with drama together.
-Knowing that someone completely understands what life is like in this crazy house.
-Seeing someone get just as frustrated and exasperated as I do.
-His sense of humor.
-That he shovels the snow (if in fact it happens to snow in...um....January.)
-That he takes out the garbage. Always.
-The way the kids act knowing that he's here.

Things I won't miss when he leaves:
-That he has to sleep with the ceiling fan on. Always. He's an Eskimo.

And that's pretty much it.

Life is definitely better when we're together.

They're still reading, by the way. It's been an hour and 30 minutes. Wow.

Dream Big

2012-01-04T01:01:00.001-07:00

For Christmas, my sister and brother in law secretly put together the most amazing song for Ryan and I. They "borrowed" our kids and recorded them singing and then played the song for us at our family Christmas party. It was fantastic. I cried through the whole thing.

I added some pictures to the music so that I could upload it since I couldn't figure out how to upload just the music.

When Mason watched the movie he said "Oh! I love how cute I am!"

rant

2011-12-31T19:30:00.001-07:00

Ryan told me today that when he gets a job after graduation, he's getting an apartment.

I told him that we probably couldn't afford it since I'm getting one too.

Today our house has been in a seemingly constant state of chaos.

The arguing and the messes and the whining and the screaming and the drama have made Ryan and I both want to leave. Bre went cross country skiing with my mom, so it's just been the little kids at home.

At times I feel guilty because I know that if I was more organized and had more energy, the kids would be entertained and the messes would be cleaned up. I feel like I should have it more together than I do.

Other times I feel completely annoyed that I have to worry about entertaining kids and cleaning up (or motivating them to clean up) their messes. Not to mention mine. I want them to just play together without fighting and it drives me nuts when they tattle on each other. Constantly. "Mom! Mason ripped my snowflake that I worked really hard on!" "Mom! Breanna called me fat Mason, fat Mason" "Mom! Brooklynn won't share the barbies!" "Mom! Mia won't get out of my seat and I was there first!! Mom! Mia took the blocks that I was playing with!" "Mom! Mason put toothpaste on the doorknob and all over the bathroom counter!" "Mom! Mason peed in the tub while we were cleaning up the bathroom!" Argh. If we could just spread the tattling out a bit. But it's constant. And it's soo draining.

It makes me ~~want to~~ yell and scream. More than I'd like to admit. (Of course my brother and his girlfriend would just happen to be here for one such demonstration. Of course.)

I love that Ryan is here to help with the kids and the house and I frequently catch myself feeling depressed when I think about the fact that he'll be leaving again in 8 days and won't be back until May.

That's. Really. Depressing.

Right now the house is as quiet as it's been all day long but only because the TV is on downstairs.

My mind is telling me that I suck for letting the kids watch TV when I could be spending time with them.

I'm telling my mind to shut the heck up because I need peace and quiet!

We're taking the kids out to dinner. Partially because it's New Years Eve.

And partially because we need to get out of here before we all loose our minds.

Christmas 2011

2011-12-30T00:14:00.000-07:00

Christmas was lovely. My dad spent it with us which was delightful. We love having him here.

Some of the gifts I received were from some of the lesser known members of the Claus family like Merger Claus and Buyout Claus and Indemnification Claus. Nice, Ryan.

My dad had an original rendering of the Rexburg temple painted for us by someone he knows in Portland. It couldn't have come at a better time (we've been looking for a picture of the temple but haven't found one that we like) and the colors are so fantastic for the room. We love it.

Mia got lots of art stuff and Brooklynn kept saying things like "I think this must be some sort of mistake. I think this stuff was supposed to be for me." Brook is usually the one who gets art stuff, but this year she asked for clothes because that's what she needed and Mia asked for art stuff.

Breanna gave Mason an awesome Spongebob sweatshirt that he loved and wouldn't take off for 24 hours.

He also got a bunch of Lego's from Grandma Marilyn.

Breanna got plenty of makeup and some books and clothes. She was so excited!

Grandma Jenny made all of the kids blankets this year. They loved them! Mia and Brooklynn's came with a matching book which they both promptly read. I love that they enjoy reading so much.

Mason's blanket had sock monkeys on it which was funny because his Grandma Robyn gave him a sock monkey hat that matched it perfectly.

Each kid also got jammies from Grandma Robyn and Grandpa Eric. Brook and Mia got some cute dress-ups from Grandpa Greg. Everybody (even Ryan and I) got Mary Kay stuff from Aunt Megan (and Ryan's cologne is super, thankyouverymuch) and Ryan and I got a cool new mop for the kitchen floor and a shelf for underneath our temple picture.

What a fun Christmas.

Christmas Eve

2011-12-24T10:33:00.000-07:00

Every year my brothers family participates in a live nativity. We've always lived too far away to go to it, but last night we were able to. It was a good reminder of the reason we celebrate Christmas. I don't, however, think it was quite so cold in Bethlehem. We were freezing. It didn't help that we didn't dress very warm. Hello 4 degrees.

Yesterday was my dads birthday so after the nativity we had a little birthday party.

Today I feel quite unprepared for tomorrow morning. I'd love to be done wrapping presents, but alas... we're not and time is running out.

Christmas Party

2011-12-21T00:26:00.002-07:00

Here are a few pictures from the Christmas party on Sunday. We had a great time visiting, doing our sibling gift exchange and catching up with everyone. The kids played some fun games and got to see Santa and Mrs. Claus. They didn't want to leave when it was time to go. Ryan and I stayed until the wee hours of the a.m. chatting with my stepmom while the kids played. It was a fun night.

Mason was a little leery about sitting on Santa's lap. When Santa asked what he wanted for Christmas he stared straight ahead and said "cars" out of the corner of his mouth. Santa said "What else do you want?" and Mason said "nothing." He refused to look at Santa or Mrs. Claus and when we asked him to smile, he gave us what you see here. Ha!

Baby, it's cold outside.

2011-12-20T17:54:00.000-07:00

It's beginning to look a little bit like Christmas. But not much. It's cold, but not very snowy.

Bummer.

I like it when there's snow on Christmas.

But whatever. I'm just glad that Christmas is finally here.

We picked Ryan up at the airport in Salt Lake on Saturday. We were even on time. Mason was so excited. I thought he might bounce right out of his seat. He asked me if I was going to kiss Ryan on the lips when I saw him. Then he covered his mouth and giggled.

We spent the rest of the weekend in Utah with my dad and went to my step-mom's Christmas party on Sunday. Yesterday we came home.

It was a quick trip, but fun.

Glad to be home.

There's lots of wrapping to be done.

wanna know what i feel like doing today?

2011-12-15T09:28:00.001-07:00

...absolutely nothing.

wanna know what i think parenting feels like sometimes?

like a kick in the gut.

sometimes it's wonderful.

sometimes being a mom is the best thing ever. sometimes (and i can safely say the majority of the time) there's nothing in the world i'd rather do.

but sometimes i'd rather scrub toilets.

other peoples toilets, even.

and that's bad.

sometimes when i'm breaking up the 9th argument before 8am while making breakfast for a 6 year old who doesn't want to eat and trying to motivate a 7 year old to get ready for school while listening to a 4 year old plead with me to let his friends come over again today and then listening to him throw a fit when i say "not today" while arguing with a 12 year old about why she has to walk to school when she misses her ride and about why she won't be taking her phone to school because her piano didn't get practiced... again...

sometimes when all that is going on and that's just the bottom layer of the drama sandwich that's yet to come in the next hour...

that's when it sucks.

that's when i'd rather clean toilets.

because toilets don't argue. and they don't whine. and they don't yell at you. or call you "the meanest mom ever" or "the only mom who makes their kid walk to school" or tell you that you're just trying to make them miserable.

that's when i want to pull my hair out one strand at a time until it's all gone.

because in that moment, being bald seems less anxiety provoking then the ensuing drama. i think i've moved past the point of feeling sad about the rudeness. at least most of the time. because i know that it's not about me. i know that it's a phase of life and that it won't last forever and that it just comes with the job.

i know that.

but it is still So. Draining.

and it makes me feel like doing nothing besides sitting on my couch blogging about it.

at least long enough for me to catch my breath.

and to remember that life is good.

the majority of the time.
for reals.

but right now, toilet scrubbing doesn't seem so bad.

Dough Ornaments and Monster Cookies

2011-12-14T21:13:00.002-07:00

Tonight I put Brooklynn and Mason to bed early. Brook didn't get nearly enough sleep last night and Mason was tired from... well, just being 4 I guess. Bre went to a ball game with her grandma and grandpa after doing homework with aunt Shannon/her fantastic tutor.

So Mia and I spent a couple of hours together this evening.

She painted some ornaments that we made the other day while I made cookies.

Her ornaments turned out cute.

My cookies turned out dry.

eh. whatever. i tried.

Mia thinks they're yummy anyways.

I could use a fool proof cookie recipe, that's for sure.