Almost every single time I have signed off on an Ask Joy email or post, I’ve ended it with the words, “From My Heart.” The reason I use these words is because they’re true.

I care deeply for my generation and how we do marriage, dating and singleness. Through all the questions and topics we’ve discussed together, my hope is that you now feel a bit more equipped to understand yourself and others, and feel confident using the Love and Respect principles. I also hope you’ve caught glimpses of God and His love for you.

And, finally, I hope you’ve laughed. Because, why not?

I have had some thoughts stirring in my brain for some time now, so I’d like to bring you another video that will do all of the above once again. I hope you’ll grab some popcorn, have a chat with me and truly hear what’s going on in my heart.

(At the end of the video, you can hear about some of my self-diagnosed, psychological problems.)

(Can’t see this video? Click HERE.)

From my heart,

Joy

P.S. Want to know more about The Illumination Project? Find out HERE.

DID YOU LIKE THIS POST?

CHECK OUT ALLLLL OF THE LOVE AND RESPECT NOW POSTS HERE.

(Yeah, all of them.)

So, I wanted to put all the posts in one, easy-to-find place.

Hope this helps! Or you can keep using the search button–it’s kind of a fun game to see what comes up when you type in “UNICORNS.” Surprisingly, it’s a lot.

2014 (Year of the Horse)

Emerson & Sarah Eggerichs on Marriage, Parenting, Family of Origin, Work & Death: Interview with Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs, founders of Love and Respect (“The Mothership”)

Fighting for Love (and Other Potentially Hazardous Cliches): Joy shares her thoughts on cliché statements about life and love.

Eric Knox: Matchmaking, Marriage & Mentorship (And a Little NBA Action): Interview with Eric Knox, pastor at Imago Dei Community

He Said He Likes Me, But Nothing Happened. Tonight’s News With Joy Eggerichs: Dealing with ambiguous relationships

Online Dating: Not Your Grandma’s Way to Find a Spouse…Or Is It?: What does Joy think about online dating?

The Summer of Fun: A Love and Respect Now Online Dating Experiment: Documentary by Joy and a few of her friends about their experiences with online dating

Getting Past The First Date + An Interactive Practice Conversation: Getting past the first date, even if you’re a little socially awkward

Hail Gladdening Light (Phos Hilaron) – Arranged by Paul Ramey, Hannah Glavor and Tim Glavor: A secret song arranged for The Illumination Project is released!

Gabe & Rebekah Lyons on Starting Q, Starting Fights, & John Travolta: Interview with Gabe and Rebekah Lyons, founders of Qideas.

Respect Card? Was ist das?: Example of what a respect card can be and why respect can be valuable for a man

My Friends Have Better Lives: Choosing Joy over Jealousy, and GPS Tracking: How to deal with being the “last single standing”

Eric Metaxas: Marriage, Miracles & Movies: Interview with Bonhoeffer author, Eric Metaxas

The Real Reason People Ask About “The One”: Why are we all asking about “The One?”

Sseko Designs: How To Start a Company & Life as Husband & Wife: Interview with married, business partners Ben and Liz Bohannon

Amena Brown & Opdiggy: Falling In Love & Makin’ Music: Interview with married, collaborative artists Amena Brown and Opdiggy

Chores in Marriage: Create a Win-Win Situation With Your Spouse: Figuring out each other’s strengths in the first few months of marriage

How (Not) to Propose Like God by Joshua Ryan Butler: An analogy between proposal and some of the toughest themes of the Bible

Does Age Matter? Young Couples Getting Married, Maple Bacon Bars, & Eggs: When is it OK to get married young?

Rachel Ramsey Cruze: On Money, Relationships, and Upcoming SMART Conference: Interview with Rachel Cruze, daughter of Dave Ramsey

“Does He Like Me?” … Guys? Do You?: How to define an ambiguous relationship

The Good News About Marriage: Shaunti Feldhahn Interview: Interview with author, Shaunti Feldhahn

Signs of a Cheater: Seeing the Forest for the Trees and Eating Teacup Pigs: How to avoid being cheated on–live your relationships in the light

Mana by Preston Yancey: Finding God’s gifts in the ordinary

Age Segregation in America and the Church: How does age segregation impact the church? What will we do?

More Questions to Ask Before You Get Married: Wisdom with Preschoolers: Joy asks Brynn all the questions YOU think should be asked before marriage.

Did God Lie? When The One Walks Away: They’ve walked away, but does that mean God didn’t orchestrate the meeting?

Why L-O-V-E Spells T-I-M-E by Timothy Willard: Giving the gift of time to your spouse

Giving Relationship Advice: Your Story is Not Their Story: Chemistry as a litmus test and how to give/take advice

Is Chemistry Real? Laws of Attraction, Muumuus and Siblings: The science behind chemistry and when to give it a chance

He Shuts Me Down: How To Fight To Be an Ally with Your Guy: Use and abuse of the word “respect” + discernment

So Worth Loving: Eryn Erickson’s Illumination: Interview with the creator of So Worth Loving

3 Eggerichs Hangout, One walks into a…: Google+ Hangout with Joy, Emerson and Jonathan + the Love and Respect PODCAST

Why Am I Socially Awkward? How To Not Puke At Parties: Recap on the Art of Asking Questions

Unrequited Love: Advice on Loving Alone: What to do when love is not returned

Robin Williams: The Art and Curse of The Observer: Joy reflects on Robin Williams, comedy and bringing light to the world.

A Script for Marriage by Esther Fleece: Illumination on what God’s script for marriage is

Love Conquers All…or Does It?: Normie flips the tables and asks Joy some questions.

The Illumination Project: How’d It Go? Ginger Jokes and Wise Folks: Sydney & Crista share two different experiences of The Illumination Project.

Writer in Waiting: Update About My Book: The evolution and eventual pause of Joy’s book

Relevant Magazine & Podcast: Cameron Strang’s Illumination (+ Video Interview): Interview with Cameron Strang, creator of Relevant Magazine

Having a Lasting Marriage and Reaping What You Sow: One simple thing you can do to change your happiness in marriage

Problem Solving 101: Plywood Presents (+ Audio Interview): An interview with Jeff Shinabarger

What Red Flags Should I Look For? Tips for Relationships and Nascar: Green flags, yellow flags and red flags in relationships

You Make Me Brave by Annie Downs (+ Audio Interview): Encouragement to be brave + podcast recording with Annie Downs

2 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married: Two helpful questions to keep in your back pocket

Savior Complex, Anyone?: Finding balance between being the “Best Boyfriend” and smothering your girlfriend

Not Ready to Commit (And Other Stories From a Tomb Raider): Words for a guy who needs time and isn’t ready to commit

Is Love a Feeling? Balancing Butterflies by Andrea Lucado: Andrea’s illumination moment–relationships aren’t only about feelings

Obstacles to Marriage in the 21st Century: Why should you have hope for marriage?

Are We Officially Dating? Being Kept a Secret, Will Smith & Miles Davis: A “good” relationship probably shouldn’t be kept in the dark.

Seeing Through Rose-Colored Glasses–Ingredients for Entering Marriage And Staying There: What you need to know before and during marriage to stay married

The Bible Project, My Birthday, Bob Barker and a Gift for You!: A gift for you and a gift for Joy to celebrate her birthday

Father’s Day Gift Guide: 197 Things Cheaper Than Buying a New Tie: Giving the gift of respectful words to your father

Why Do We Have Weddings Anyway? Plus, Kicking Redheaded Flower Girls: Why do you attend weddings? Why throw a wedding?

Do I Need to Dumb Down to Find A Man? Or, Finding Mr. Moneybags: From a woman, “Do my academic achievements intimidate men?”

Be a Man for Your Wife by Timothy Willard: How service, repentance, and kind words can define manliness

Does Education Matter? Men, Women and Skipping Class: From a man, “How is more education for women going to impact future marriages?”

Can I Rebuild Trust? (+37 other Q&A’s) LIVE! Emerson & Joy answer YOU!: Another Google+ Hangout with Emerson and Joy

Letting Go of Perfection and Dealing with Reality–Illumination Guest: Aukelien van Abbema: Illumination moments on unrealistic expectations in singleness and dating

Mother’s Day Guide For Men via Jeff Tweedy: A word for men on how to write meaningful words to your mother

What Does Your Childhood Say About You?—Formal Lunch: A challenge to examine the formative moments of your childhood

Relationships Or Career? How To Become An Expert At Both: Ask Joy: Balancing time for relationships and careers

What I Know Now: Is He Marriage Material?: What do you wish you would have known? For women in serious relationships.

What I Know Now: Is She The One?: What do you wish you would have known? For men in serious relationships.

Would vs. Could— Men Say There’s A Difference: Ask men for help, but how you ask matters.

Dave Ramsey, Sean Connery, Your Relationship Questions & More: Ask Joy & Emerson: Joy and Emerson’s very first Google+ Hangout

Real Love: How Do You Know?— Emily Jamieson: Illumination Guest: A story on the choice to marry and the choice to love

Fear of Commitment? Ask Joy: What to do when one has an irrational fear that is impeding commitment.

Labels and Respectfully Confronting Friends: Ask Joy: When are generalizations good? Bad? How should we react to the “bad” ones?

Unrealistic Expectations? Ask Joy: How much should your spouse meet your emotional needs?

End of the Trail: Sarah Thebarge — Illumination Guest: Sarah shares a story of when a closed door turned out to be a gift.

Strengths Finder Personality Profile: Stuff I Like: How Joy’s strengths have changed over the past several years

Your Life Begins Today, Not at the Altar: Katelyn Beaty — Illumination Guest: How Katelyn’s beliefs about marriage and adulthood have shifted

The Honeymoon Stage Is Over—Does This Mean Our Marriage Is, Too? Ask Joy: In marriage, does “difficult season” = “wrong choice?”

How Do I Confront My Friends—Or Not? Ask Joy: How do you challenge and not shame your friends?

Sex, Lies, and Conversation: Deborah Tannen – Formal Lunch: Men vs. Women–conversation and body language + questions for you

My Married Friends Have Abandoned Me: Ask Joy: Conversation when you are the only single one in the room

Married and Mourning the Loss of Community: Ask Joy: When new marriage means loss of community

I Don’t Love You Anymore: What Happened? Ask Joy: Why do men cut off a relationship so quickly? How can women respond?

PMS: Is There Hope for Men? Ask Joy: Acknowledging and dealing with hormone-motivated mood swings

How to Approach an Irrational Man? Ask Joy: Addressing issues or fears when you don’t know what they are

Love and Respect: Loyalty Sealed the Deal: How attending a Love and Respect conference as a single gal affected Lindsay’s marriage

Valentine’s Day 2014: First Date, First Book, and a GIVEAWAY!: Joy shares the cover of her book.

Sweet 16 Pity Date: Two Versions: Joy and Justin tell two different stories of their first date.

Is Interracial Dating Okay? Ask Joy.: Joy shares her thoughts on interracial dating fifty years ago and now.

Formal Lunch: Emotional Connections Last Forever: Observe the human reaction to love and being intimately known.

Illumination Guest: Esther Havens – Illumination Around the World: Using photography to share others’ stories from around the world

Ask Joy: Everything I Do, I Do For Women!: Is your significant other your motivator or your savior?

Online “Comments” — Helpful or Hurtful?: Joy’s wish for better online rhetoric when we disagree

Jennie Allen and the Dreamers: Restless, IF:Gathering, and a GIVEAWAY: Who is Jennie Allen and what does she do?

One Word 365: Kindness and Heel Kicks: Choosing one word instead of an impossible New Year’s resolution.

New Year Resolution FAILS and Why I Won’t Make It as a Food Blogger: Joy’s resolution–assume the best.

Eric Metaxas Official Late Night Show: Special Guest Joy Eggerichs: What’s the difference between LRN, The Illumination Project and Joy’s book?

Ask Joy: Chill Out, Richard!: How do you let a guy down nicely?

Ask Joy: Humble Arrogance and Staying Away from Girls: Dealing with the flattery when someone likes you

2013 (Year of the Unicorn)

Illumination Guest: Fritz Ridenour – Illumination Beyond Marriage: Reflections during and after 56 years of marriage

The Giver: What does your heart look like when you give?

The Illumination Project: A Thankful Thanksgiving.: Happy Thanksgiving + thoughts + presents for you

The Illumination Project: All Your Questions, ANSWERED (maybe): FAQ on The Illumination Project

What I Know Now: New Moms, Lessons From a Fifth Grader: What do you wish you would have known? For new moms.

What I Know Now: New Dads, Put Pegs in the Floor: What do you wish you would have known? For new dads.

What I Know Now: Newly Married Ladies and Joy’s Response to Sad Stories: What do you wish you would have known? For newly married women.

What I Know Now: Newly Married Men and Déjà Vu Conversations: What do you wish you would have known? For newly married men.

What I Know Now: Single Ladies, You Don’t Have to Marry Them!: What do you wish you would have known? For single ladies.

What I Know Now: Single Men, Keep Your Shirts On: What do you wish you would have known? For single men.

Ask Joy: Confronting Parents—Yay or Nay?: How do you confront your parents and still honor them?

Illumination Guest: Karyn Thurston – Finding Your Light: When to be seen and when to surrender the spotlight

Got Nerves? The Psychology Behind Those First-date Jitters: Infographic about those first date jitters

Ask Joy: Paralyzed by Parents’ Divorce: Not letting wounds from the past impact the present

Illumination Guest: Diane Paddison – When God Turns on the Light: How God created a nonprofit out of Diane’s joblessness

Ask Joy: Which Comes First, Love or Respect?: Who moves first? The one who is most mature.

Illumination Guest: Sarah Collins – A Fortress for Love: Observations on affection and love throughout the world

RSOTU: Fear Impacting Respect: Flashback to the question, “Do past hurts or fears impact how we understand respect?”

Formal Lunch: The Name’s Bond, James Bond.: Pet-perks vs. pet peeves and a challenge to ask questions and listen well

Intimately Known: A prayer that we may be intimately known today

Illumination Guest: Timothy Willard – Naked I Jump: Moments of joy inside and outside of marriage

Joy & Steph: Album 2.0: Thanking Steph as she transitions out

Ask Joy: Single and (Not) Ready to Mingle: Finding balance between your current relationship status and your relationship desires

The Illumination Project: Pre-Order Party!: The Illumination Project Arrives + birthday discount

Ask Joy: Fear and the Tick, Tock of my Girlfriend’s Baby Clock: Helping a girl relinquish her fears

Joy Asks Rick…and a GIVEAWAY: Announcement that Rick McKinley is re-releasing his first book

Ask Joy: Does Newly Married = No More Friends?: Maintaining friendships regardless of relationship status + “grass is greener” syndrome

C.S. Lewis – The Thrill: Initial, fluttering, thrilling love vs. love that lasts

Ask Joy: On Alfredo Sauce and Being Intentional: Being intentional and growing in all aspects of your relationship

Illumination Guest: Katie Locke – A Radio Truth: How the Love and Respect message affected Katie as a single and married person

Cat Lady, Part 3: Gratitude when life isn’t turning out as planned

Cat Lady, Part 2: Becoming the kind of partner you want to be with

Cat Lady, Part 1: Not wasting your alone time as a single person

Ask Joy: Online Dating UPDATE: Joy gave online dating a shot–here are the results.

Formal Lunch: I Want to Roast Marshmallows, too!: Don’t exclude invitations based on relationship status or kiddos

Illumination Guest: Guy Chmieleski – God’s Workshop: Marriage and dating when you’re a “work in progress”

Understanding Your Brain: Recommended books and TED Talks

Illumination Guest: Emily Maynard – Saying No to Negativity: Choosing not to make negative generalizations about men or women

Ask Joy: Respect for Women, too?: Clarifying what respect means to women and men

Illumination Guest: Paul Angone – Why Finding Your Passion is Not Sexy: Thoughts on the twenty-something process of building a life

Ask Joy: I’m a Flirt…or am I?: Flirting vs. Friendliness + how to tell the difference

Illumination Guest: Benny Fountain – Kitchen Series: A series of paintings on how past experiences shape your vision

Ask Joy: Just Give It A Chance: Responses to the phrase, “just give it a chance!” + others setting you up

Illumination Guest: Sarah Markley – Living Life in a Mercury-Vaporized World: The “in-between” when current life seems far away from your dreams

Delay is Not Denial: Thoughts for when God seems to be taking His time

Guest Post: Converge Magazine: Joy’s interview with Chelsea Batten of Converge Magazine

MY BIRTHDAY (and Steph’s Half-Birthday) WISH: Joy’s challenge for YOU–seek wise counsel

Illumination Guest: Eric Metaxas – Impromptu Interview: Interview between Eric Metaxas, Justin Zoradi and Joy

Formal Lunch: Pink vs. Blue: A challenge to help understand gender differences

Illumination Guest: Propaganda – Be Present: A spoken word piece on being present amidst technology

Ask Joy: Heartbroken and Angry: Dealing with the anger you’re feeling over a broken heart

Illumination Guest: Mike Pacchione – When the Clock Runs Out: The lightbulb moment that made Mike believe in Jesus

Ask Joy: I Refuse: The value of respect, friendship and shoulder-to-shoulder time for a man

For the Unsung Hero: Epoch 2013: Nominate an unsung hero to win some of $50,000 to support their efforts.

Ask Joy: You’re Always Right: Getting off of the Crazy Cycle, even if the other person is wrong

Illumination Guest: Janel Kaden – Love Light: A pop art piece contributed for The Illumination Series

The Illumination Project. What’s that? I’ll tell you: Answering all of your questions about The Illumination Project

Ask Joy: Asks YOU! Was it a Date?: How do you define a date? How do you clarify when it becomes unclear?

Illumination Guest: Brad Lomenick – 5 Illuminating Lessons Learned in My 20′s: 5 Lessons Brad learned in his 20s + his beatboxing skills

Ask Joy: Do You Love Me?: How do you and your significant other know when to say “I love you?”

Illumination Guest: Verily – A Women’s Magazine: An interview with the creator of Verily Magazine.

Ask Joy: Horny Toad: Setting boundaries in a once-sexual relationship–why should you?

Illumination Guest: Bearings – A Men’s Magazine: An interview with the creator of Bearings Magazine

A Few Questions For God: Joy shares her talk at Liberty University’s Convocation

Illumination Guest: Blair Jacobson — Expectations: Wanting a relationship vs. wanting a person

Julie Burleson: Planning a Wedding…on a Budget: Practical tips for planning an inexpensive and fun wedding.

Ask Joy: Some Thoughts On Mentoring: Leading and mentoring a very diverse small group

Stuff I Like: Love Gives Way: An organization that helps weddings serve something bigger

Iceland, Pornography, and Vintage Videos: What happens to our brain when we view porn

I’M GETTING MARRIED!!: Joy announces her book!

Illumination Guest: Jeff Shinabarger – Treasure or Trash?: The power of asking and the power of generosity

Ask Joy: Conflicts in Communication—The Stonewall: Identifying fear of conflict and seeking healing

Illumination Guest: Lesley Miller – Fighting the Good Fight: The importance of talking through the tough stuff

Ask Joy: Material Girls in a Material World: How deep-seated insecurities can cause someone to be overly sensitive

Illumination Guest: Jeremy Gordon – A Seed: A song on patient expectation and growth

Ask Joy: Political Punches or Partisanship?: Agreeing and disagreeing on “hot topics”

Valentine’s Gone Very Wrong. Plus 11 Giveaways.: Some cards to help you not take this holiday too seriously

Ask Joy: Trust Me: Understanding each other’s needs during conflict

Illumination Guest: Jeff Manion – A Greenhouse for Growth: It’s not your hardship that shapes you, but your reaction to it.

Ask Joy: Don’t Macaulay Culkin Your Parents: As an adult, do you still need to obey your parents?

This is Dignity – Bangladesh Day 4: Ways that many women become self-sustaining through support from FH

Marriage, Baby Tinkles, and Mutual Love of Gold – Bangladesh Day 3: Stories of women seeking to change the fabric of their society

The Legend of Fulmoti & Joy – Bangladesh Day 2: Joy shares games with her sponsored child and village

Power of Language – Bangladesh Day 1: The history of language in Bangladesh + meeting Joy’s new friends

Karen’s Top 5 Albums of 2012: Intern Karen shares the soundtracks to her year

Ask Joy: Leading On: Addressing the fear of leading someone on

Illumination Guests: Justin and Trisha Davis – What I Wish I Knew: Five things one couple wished they knew before marriage

Don’t Be a Fool Like Me, in 2013: Cooling down vs. quickly reacting

2012 (Year of the Frog Prince of Bel Air)

2012 Sign-Off & Walter Update: Challenge to reflect on what you’ve learned

Stuff I Like: Muslims: Joy announces her future travels to Bangladesh

Joy & Stephanie – Voices of Angels: A little extra Thanksgiving/Christmas video gift

Ask Joy: Do I Like Him Enough?: Knowing your motivation when saying ‘yes’ to a date.

Illumination Guest: Becca Blevins – Quiet and Light: Our design for balance of rest, play and hard work.

Ask Joy: How Do I Know If She’s Interested?: Helping each other out to ask each other out

Illumination Guest: Diane Comer – Regarding Him: When you’re communicating and over-communicating

Hierarchy: Part 2: Thanking men for their desire to protect

Hierarchy: Part 1: Understanding a man’s sense of responsibility when it comes to protecting women

Illumination Guest: Joshua Chang – Know Your Self-Worth: Knowing God’s design for marriage and our value to Him

Illumination Guest: Bianca Olthoff – It’s Just Coffee: Getting out of the pressure of a simple date

Ask Joy: ATB: Assuming the best in others + pouring salt in the wound

Illumination Guest: Jon Acuff – My First Book: Two moments that inspired Jon to become a published author

Mending the Soul: Thoughts on wounds, rebuilding trust and abuse

Catalyst and My Time With Beyonce: Serving as a young leader + some advice

Ask Joy: Call Me Maybe: What is the best way to ask a girl out? How can you be more clear?

Illumination Guest: Sharaya Mikael – Million Miles: Sharaya imagines what it looks like to be in love and be truly known.

Illumination Guest: Josh Straub – Old-School Cameras, Fanny Packs, and Jesus: Practical ways that we can love others and make them well-formed in Christ

Ask Joy: Online Woes: They’ve been dating for 4 months, but he still logs into an online dating site daily.

The Illumination Project Highlight Reel: Highlights from the live filming

Ask Joy: Mixed Signals: Dealing with and discerning mixed signals in dating

Interview: Catalyst Atlanta Speaker Spotlight: Joy shares a Catalyst interview

Illumination Guest: Alece Ronzino – Respect Thrown In My Face: Unconditional respect without condoning wrong behavior

Ask Joy: Billy Doesn’t Date: What does the Bible say about dating? Courtship?

Illumination Guest: Josh White – Wounded Healer: Josh White shares music and a poetic piece for The Illumination Project

Ask Joy: Facebook Feud: Dealing wisely with hurt and unexpected rejection

Illumination Guest: Rachel Cruze – Common “Cents”: Illumination about this generation’s attitude towards money

Ask Joy: Mini-Men and Small Man Syndrome: How to act as a woman working in a primarily male environment

Illumination Guest: Hannah Joiner – Above The Noise: Finding your own answers and avoiding comparison

Ask Joy: Translating the Transaction: Splitting the bill (before the first date)

Effective Ways to Engage Your Father: Practical, engaging questions to ask your father

What’s This Formal Lunch Business??: Joy introduces the Formal Lunch

Illumination Guest: Ken Canfield: What do fathers contribute to a daughter’s well-being?

A New Kind of Bachelorette: Lessons on friendliness from The Bachelorette

Illumination Guest: Josh Hoke- I Need Your Love: Josh Hoke on needing love without letting it become your savior

Till Death Do We Part: Why attend weddings? Why throw a wedding?

Illumination Guest: Anna Quinlan – Divorce is a Choice: Regardless of family history or the current disagreement, you can choose marriage.

Ask Joy: Is She too Good for Me?: When to ask her out and a few reasons to be more confident

Illumination Project: Todd Arnold – “Missed” Communication: Illumination guest shares an art piece on gender differences and missed communication.

The Illumination Project: Revealed!: Joy introduces The Illumination Project for the first time.

Briefing & Bloopers: Signing off for June 2012

Ask Joy: Cross Cultural Conundrum: Cross-cultural differences in relationships

Ask Joy: If You’re Such An Expert…: If Joy is such an expert on relationships and marriage, why isn’t she married?

Lessons from John Maxwell & a Four-Year-Old: The art of asking good questions

Ask Joy: Feelings for a Friend: Pursuit, getting out of the friend zone and being more than “just friends”

Ask Joy: Overly Emotional: Male/female differences in processing emotions in the context of a relationship

The Beauty of #MMM: Joy shares the results of her social media experiment.

Guest Post: Mother’s Day & My Mommacita: Tips for how sons can make their mothers feel loved on Mother’s Day

May’s Mundane Monday aka #MMM: Joy proposes a social media experiment.

Ask Joy: Anger & Abuse: Identifying and reacting to an abusive relationship

Ask Joy: How to Romance a Woman: Outside of formulas, what actually adds to the romance?

Ask Joy: Independent “I Don’t Need a Man” Woman: Is it possible to change your reputation? How?

Ask Joy: ASKS YOU! Culture, Sexuality & Me Monsters: Questions on societal individualism and its relational effects

Ask Joy: Do I Love Him Enough?: Expectations of your future spouse

Ask Joy: Video Games: Why do so many men still play video games?

Ask Joy: Relationship…or Lack Thereof…: He talked to her more, but asked her friend out instead. Say what?!

Ask Joy: Spiritual Boundaries: Rules for spiritual boundaries in dating–yes or no?

Cycle Stopper: Be a Wounded Healer: How do you heal from relational wounds?

Ask Joy: Red Flags: If a relationship doesn’t have any major red flags, why end it?

Stuff I Like: The Hunger Games: The Hunger Games as a generational social commentary

Guest Post: “In Love” by Lisa “Marie” Armour: What does “in love” really mean?

Submission Series Part 3: Design & Value: Is this “submission” thing really a part of God’s design?

Submission Series Part 2: Fear & Misunderstanding: Possible fears and misunderstandings of the word “submission”

Submission Series Part 1: Mutual Submission: What is mutual submission and why should we care?

Ask Joy: Women Watching Porn: Effects on women of watching pornography

Ask Joy: My Ideal Man: What does Joy want in a man?

Shame Lifter: A book recommendation

Paul Angone: And The Four Will Become One: Why is the search for “The One” so hard?

Guest Post: At The Lord’s Table: Why are churchgoers often wounded? What should be done?

Ask Joy: Hoping for Holly Homemaker: How to have a conversation about the woman staying at home

Valentine’s Day Post: Make Love Today: A challenge to share love whether you love or love to hate Valentine’s Day

Ask Joy: Asking Good Questions: How do you ask good questions?

Ask Joy: Holy Break Up!: How not to break up with someone

Pinky Sent Me: Why you should engage in the Love and Respect message

2011 (Year of the Koi)

Christmas Wishes and Musical Gifts: Joy signs off and shares her Christmas wish.

Joy Asks Rick: Joy interviews Rick McKinley about his book.

Radical and Unconditional: POTSC: Joy shares the Love and Respect message with People of the Second Chance

My Love Story: Waiting with a Purpose: Joy’s love story in a guest post for another blog

L’Abri Revisited. Guest Post: Val: How Love and Respect started her relationship off right

Can Guys & Girls Be Friends? Question #6: My friend of the opposite sex is in a committed relationship now. Can we still be friends?

Can Guys & Girls Be Friends? Question #5: My BF/GF has issues with me being friends with a particular person of the opposite sex. How should I handle it?

Can Guys & Girls Be Friends? Question #4: We used to date. Can we be friends?

Can Guys & Girls Be Friends? Question #3: We are both single and hang out all the time. So what?!

Emerson Eggerichs vs. Captain Picard: Love and Respect Conferences vs. Star Trek

Can Guys & Girls Be Friends? Question #2: Sally likes me, and I don’t like her. Can we be friends?

Can Guys & Girls Be Friends? Question #1: I like Sally, she doesn’t like me. Can we be friends?

Can Guys & Girls Be Friends: Intro: Series kickoff–Can Guys and Girls Be Friends?

Where the Singles At?? Guest Post: Renea McKenzie: What can single people learn at a marriage conference?

A Singled Out Sunday: Wrestling with singleness and marriage is where we can encounter the Gospel.

Ask Joy: Cohabitation Conundrums: What to say when your friend/child is making a choice you don’t want them to make

Ask Joy: Seek Him to Find Her: Thoughts on the phrase, “a girl’s heart should be so wrapped up in the Lord, that a guy should have to seek Him to find her.”

Stuff I Like: Needtobreathe: Joy shares a song she’s listened to 4,534,309,672 times.

What’s AACC?: Traveling to AACC and starting a conversation about it

Ask Joy: Right Thing, Wrong Time?: Is the right thing at the wrong time actually the wrong thing?

Ask Joy: ASKS YOU! Desperate Damsel?: How do you let him know you’re interested in him without looking desperate?

Ask Joy: Seeking Signs: How do you know if you’ve heard from God before entering into a relationship?

Ask Joy: Wise Counsel Woes: When your sources for wise counsel disagree

Ask Joy: E-Harmony Hang Ups: Thoughts on online dating sites

Guest Post: “The Male Factor”: Stephanie reviews the book by Shaunti Feldhahn

Ask Joy: Fumbling Friend: What do you say to a friend who is dating a non-Christ-follower?

Guest Post: Singled Out Stephanie: A single’s review of the Love and Respect Small Group DVD Series

Who Pursues? Part 2: What prevents you from pursuing/being pursued?

Summer School With June: A letter to Joy’s friend, June, about the months before her death

Who Pursues? Part 1: Scripture doesn’t say the man has to pursue!

C.S. Lewis: The Thrill: C.S. Lewis on the thrill of love

C.S. Lewis: On Love: C.S. Lewis on being in love and staying there

God Is My Big Bully: How do you forgive people who have hurt you?

Stuff I Like: England, Guinness & Unicorns: Joy shares travel recommendations for the London-y Oxford area.

Guest Post: Erin Hobbie – Trust Me: Trusting God as an “older single”

RSOTU: Follow Up with Emerson Eggerichs Pt 2: What to say when guys respond with, “Yeah! You should respect me, woman!”

RSOTU: Follow Up with Emerson Eggerichs Pt 1: How does a woman practically and tangibly show respect in a relationship?

Guest Post: All Groan Up: Interview with fellow Westmont Alum, Paul Angone

Guest Post: 4Word Women: Joy’s interview with 4word Women

Ask Joy: Crazy Controlling Cleo: Salvaging a relationship when one person is really controlling

Emotional Boundaries or “How to Chat in a Cemetery.”: Knowing when and how to share things in a relationship

Gang Member’s Guest Post Pt 2: Sharideth Shares: Interview with Sharideth Smith

Gang Member’s Guest Post Pt 1: Deep Thoughts By David: Interview with David T. Robbins

Ask Joy: What Does Weird Wally Do?: Dealing with your significant other’s weird secrets

Wedding Wha! Ha! Ha!: Funny wedding photos to make you laugh

Wedding Season “Choose Your Own Adventure”: Choose your own adventure before your next wedding.

Know Me: Art of Asking Questions & Listening Part 3: Asking questions and listening to seek wisdom from others

Know Me: Art of Asking Questions & Listening Part 2: Asking questions and listening in dating

Know Me: Art of Asking Questions & Listening Part 1: Asking questions and listening during mingle time

Ask Joy: ASKS YOU! Little Miss Eager: She wants to be married now, but he says “patience is a virtue.”

Ask Joy: “I can’t believe you’re still single?!”: Handling the “I can’t believe you’re still single!” comments

Ask Joy: Guard Your Heart: What does “guard your heart” actualllly mean?

Ask Joy: Tough Talk Pt 3: Shocked: What do you do when your struggles look different from his?

Ask Joy: Tough Talk Pt 2: Should I?: Bringing up a hard conversation + vulnerability vs. transparency

Ask Joy: Tough Talk Pt 1: Safety: Getting a guy to open up with shoulder-to-shoulder activities

RSOTU: Guys Response (Pt. 15 of 15): Guys address when a girl might be fearful of showing respect.

RSOTU: Guys Response (Pt. 14 of 15): Guys share how to show respect with a look and with words.

RSOTU: Guys Response (Pt. 13 of 15): Guys share how to show respect by affirming guy friends and guy time.

RSOTU: Guys Response (Pt. 12 of 15): Guys share specific stories of when they were respected/disrespected.

RSOTU: Guys Response (Pt. 11 of 15): Guys share their relationship status & what makes them feel respected.

RSOTU: Respect Letter (Pt. 10 of 15): What is a respect letter and how do you write it?

RSOTU: Disrespectful Attitude (Pt. 9 of 15): What does a disrespectful attitude look like? You’ll see.

RSOTU: Is Respect Giving In? (Pt. 8 of 15): Communicating with respect when it doesn’t seem fair

RSOTU: Practical Ways To Show Respect (Pt. 7 of 15): For women it’s easy to show love, but how do you show respect?

RSOTU: Respectfully Decline Date (Pt. 6 of 15): Respectfully declining a date and possible unrealistic expectations

RSOTU: Respect Unkind Words (Pt. 5 of 15): Wise and respectful ways to confront hurtful communication

RSOTU: Respect When We Don’t Feel Loved (Pt. 4 of 15): Showing respect when something makes you feel unloved

RSOTU: Social Cues for Showing Respect (3 of 15): Showing respect to a guy you’ve just met

RSOTU: Fear Impacting Respect (Pt. 2 of 15): Do past hurts or fears impact how we understand respect?

Respect State of The Union: Intro (Pt. 1 of 15): Introduction to a 15-part series about the word “Respect.” Oy!

Ask Joy: ASKS YOU! Not Normal Ned: Is it normal if you’re ______ years old and have never dated?

Ask Joy: Shuttin’ Sexuality Down: How can you be sexual without having sex?

Ask Joy: God’s Symphony Gone Flat?: What if you thought God brought you together, but then he walks away?

Stuff I Like: Strengths Finder Personality Profile: Strengths Finder + identifying what we’re bringing to the table

Ask Joy: Fooled by Facebook: How to stop getting emotionally attached to guys on Facebook

Ask Joy: Wedding? Why?: Is it OK if you want to be single your whole life?

The One: Part 3 – What If There’s No-One?: How to respond if you feel like there’s no one

Do Age Differences Matter? Ask Joy: How old is too old? How young is too young?

The One: Part 2 – “How Do I Know?”: How do you know that the one is “The One?”

Ask Joy: Twitter Answer: Joy answers #AskJoys in tweets.

Ask Joy: Getting Set Up On The Commune: Single? How to encourage and be encouraged by your community. And get set up.

The One: Part 1 – “Is There Only One?”: Should we be looking for “the one?”

Ask Joy: Lusting Larry, Fearful Fawn & J Crew Carl (Pt. 4): Understanding our different designs when it comes to sex

Ask Joy: Lusting Larry, Fearful Fawn & J Crew Carl (Pt. 3): Men and women are equally sexual, but stimulated differently.

Ask Joy: Lusting Larry, Fearful Fawn & J Crew Carl (Pt. 2): Why aren’t girls turned on by looks as much as guys are?

Ask Joy: Lusting Larry, Fearful Fawn & J Crew Carl (Pt. 1): What is the purpose of lust?

Ask Joy: Thai Food, Coffee Shops, and Yokes: Faith differences in dating

Ask Joy: Texting Tantrum: Fighting over text and how to stop

So Now What? (Part 5 of 5): How do you empower and support a man?

So Now What? (Part 4 of 5): We need to change our actions instead of being cynical.

So Now What? (Part 3 of 5): Fear can create generalizations. Don’t do it.

So Now What? (Part 2 of 5): Some articles and research can be one-sided.

So Now Wbhat? (Part 1 of 5): Joy responds to an article asking, “Where Have All The Good Men Gone?”

Ask Joy: ASKS YOU! Playing Hard To Get?: Why is it that we are interested in someone until they show interest back — and then we put our guard up?

Ask Joy: Get off Me Shikona!: Giving up your life plans for a guy or girl–is this ever right?

Ask Joy: Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde, and Whiskey: Showing respect when it isn’t easy or deserved

Get Behind Me You Sedan Salesman!: The tension between autonomy and authority

Ask Joy: Church Creeper x2: Advice for when you don’t know a guy super well, but he wants to go on a date

Stuff I Like: Page CXVI: Joy shares another one of her favorite bands.

Ask Joy: Lonely and Line Dancing: Advice for a girl who has never been in a relationship

Guest Post: For Imago Dei Women: Five traits of people who do well in the tension of being single

Ask Joy: Can Anxious Andy Commit?: Does doubt-free, 100% commitment actually exist?

Ask Joy: My Head Told My Heart: Why is it so hard to let go of feelings for someone you know isn’t good for you?

Ten Thoughts From Joy On Valentine’s Day: Thoughts on pink, office dynamics and 2/14

Ask Joy: Premarital Sex and Your Local Library: What does the Bible say about premarital sex?

Ask Joy: I Will Rip Out Your Little Red Ponytail!: They aren’t married yet for financial reasons. Is this OK?

Ask Joy: Friends Who Sing About Macaroni: She likes him. She’s not sure if he reciprocates. What should she do?

Ask Joy: Johnny, Facebook and Porn, Oh My!: When the grass looks greener on the other side and you can’t deal with reality.

Ask Joy: Keg Stands and Strippers: Approaching the conversation when you don’t feel comfortable with bachelor/bachelorette parties

Ask Joy: Nice Guy Ned: Encouragement for the “nice guys” who might be feeling discouraged

Ask Joy: 18 and Ready to Wed: Red flags and green flags if you’re wanting to marry young

Ask Joy: “Kind of Accidentally”: Hookup culture and what to do after it “happens”

Ask Joy: Long Distance Three Armed Love: A few factors to consider with long-distance dating

Stuff I Like: Destiny Craft Her Pants: Destiny’s awesome crafting blog

Ask Joy: Craving Air: What to do if he’d “rather be loved than respected”

Ask Joy: Block Throwin’ Billy: Encouraging a husband in parenting

Ask Joy: Girl Power and Boy Belief: Shifting the generalization that “all men are childish”

Ask Joy: Women Who Fall and Men Who Are Tall: Generalizations men make about women (and vice versa)

2010 (Year of the First iPad)

Top Ten of 2010: Top posts and weird searches of 2010

Ask Joy: Phone Conversations and Porn Confrontations: Separating trust and respect when a husband uses porn

Ask Joy: Not a Fan of My Baby Boy’s Babe: Guiding a son through a serious relationship. Advice for moms.

Ask Joy: Welcoming Skeletons: Advice for a girl who just got out of a bad relationship and is not a virgin anymore

Stuff I Like: Free CD’s and My First Nephew: Joy shares a (once free) album and a letter to her nephew.

Ask Joy: Fighting Ain’t Right! (or is it?): When is conflict healthy or unhealthy?

Ask Joy: No Boys?: Do your own Formal Lunch.

Formal Lunch – Part 6: The Dating Game: Joy, Erin and Jenny discuss how to glorify God in dating.

Formal Lunch – Part 5: Healthy, God-Centered Sexuality Continued: The black, white and grey of sexuality

Formal Lunch – Part 4: Healthy, God-Centered Sexuality: What to do with sexuality when single

Formal Lunch – Part 3: Peace, Feelings & Dating: “Having peace” and feelings when dating

Formal Lunch – Part 2: Communication with Men: Asking men how they want to be respected

Formal Lunch – Part 1: Loving Men: Loving men well when single.

Ask Joy: Tear Jerk-er: Some advice on giving advice

Stuff I Like: Pilgrims and Fly Girls: Joy shares a video from Con Bro Chill, and she’s in it.

Ask Joy: Biceps and Big Brains: Sharing intimate details of past relationships

Ask Joy: I Cheated. Can I call her now?: Advice to a guy who recently cheated and wants forgiveness

Stuff I Like: Julie and her Craftmazement: Apartment inspiration from Joy’s friend, Julie

Ask Joy: Salt in the Wound: Tips for how to guide someone through past pains

Ask Joy: 36-24-36…only if she’s 5’3!: The importance of physical beauty

Ask Joy: Ehartmatchemistry.com: The pros and cons of online dating

3 Things I Have Learned While Being Single: Joy shares things to learn from singleness.

Stuff I Like: Erin Hobbie: A poem and two videos with Joy’s friend, Erin

Ask Joy: Tour de Chivalry: What does “chivalry” look like today?

Ask Joy: Will It Work?: Can respect be used to win a guy back?

Ask Joy: I Want Your Body. No Wait, I Don’t: What does sexual attraction look like 5 years into marriage?

Ask Joy: Definition of Love and Crazies: What does it mean to be “madly in love?”

Stuff I Like: My Sweet Carolyne – A Follower: Joy shares the story of when her friend, Carolyne, thought she had snuck out.

Daddy-Daughter-Discussion: Emerson interviews Joy on how respect actually empowers women.

Stuff Joy Likes: Air Hockey and A Homily: Reflections from Joy and Mike on a recent wedding

Ask Joy: How To Break It Off?: Breakups “when you just aren’t feeling it”

Guest Blogger: Morgan Van Epp Cutlip: Morgan discusses hope for marriage.

Ask Joy: Is This Meant To Be? : Joy and Emerson discuss marital tensions and how to work through it.

Stuff I Like: Thad Cockerell: Joy shares why she adores Thad Cockerell’s music.

My Story: Why Joy created Love and Respect Now

Stuff I Like: How to be Alone: A popular video on how to be alone

Safe Identity: How past loves can shape our identity

Stuff I Like: Women: Joy reflects on a recent speaking engagement.

Ask Joy: Gender Stereotypes?: The pros and cons of gender stereotypes

Stuff I Like: Tripp’s Blog: A comedy blog that is totally worth your time

Fro Yo and Respect: Joy shares a conversation about respect.

Eat, Pray, Love it?: Review of the book Eat, Pray, Love and some questions for you

Stuff I Like: Bonhoeffer Bio: Joy’s love for Hitler, WWII and Bonhoeffer

Jerk?: The implication of saying, “Guys are jerks!”

Stuff I Like: Jerks: Thoughts on the book How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk

MY RESPONSE: Calling All Guyyyyys….: Joy answers questions submitted by the guys.

Stuff I Like: Quotes: Discussion on a quote about marriage and this generation

Floating Ideas….: Discernment in the “information age”

Calling All Guyyyyyys….: Call for questions from guys who want to get in the head of women

Stuff I Like: Gender Stereotypes Take II: Another funny video about gender stereotypes

Stuff I Like: Inception: Review of the “new” movie, Inception

Ask Joy: Should I Dance?: Respectfully communicating a challenging topic & building trust

Stuff I Like: “Harmony Called Me”: Joy discusses tunes from her friend, “Ragnar.”

Singleness and the Church: BELIEF… and the ready to wed.: What to do if you aren’t satisfied with being single

Singleness and the Church: BELIEF… and the satisfied single: What it looks like to be a “satisfied single”

Stuff I Like: Fenelon: A letter by Francois de Salignac de La Mothe Fenelon

A bit more of my story…: Joy shares her story + a slew of guest posts.

Stuff I Like: R & R: Why anticipation of vacation is the best part

Stuff I Like: All for me! (Mixed CD’s and more): Joy shares her love for mixed CD’s + a new song.

Singleness and the Church: Part II: Results of Joy’s research on singleness & the church

Stuff I Like: Long Earlobes: Timeless wisdom from John Wooden

Ask Joy: Move For Boyfriend?: Being obedient in dating, while also experiencing freedom

Stuff I Like: Old Stories: Why Joy likes to re-read things

Singleness and the Church: A Helping Hand May Help: Joy discusses her research on singleness and the church.

Stuff I Like: Blood and the Middle East: Joy discusses the band “Middle East,” and the song “Blood.” (Geez, guys.)

Is Respect Only Earned?: The biblical command to unconditionally…respect

Stuff I Like: Reconnecting and Ruminate: Discussion of the magazine, Ruminate

Ask Joy: Fickle Men: Why we can’t say, “All men are fickle men.”

Stuff I Like: Jack Johnson & His Wedding Ring: The very first time Joy heard Jack Johnson

NEW, NOW & LATER: Why we should work to make relationships last

Stuff I Like: Opening Bands: Joy discusses all things SeaBird.

Ask Joy: Emotional Boundaries: Emotional boundaries in dating–whaaaat??

Stuff I Like: Games: New, important games such as soccer tennis

What’s Your Romance Novel?: Thoughts on romance novels and unrealistic expectations

Stuff I Like: Mauve and Teal: Why choose this church over that church?

I Have Seen..: Joy writes a poem!

Stuff I Like: Old Men: Why Joy likes to visit the retirement home

Ask Joy: Why Are Women Mentally Incompetent?: Why women are actually quite mentally competent

Stuff I Like: Michigan State University: The difference between MSU and U of M–you should know this.

Analyze this…: The value of wise counsel during breakups

Stuff I Like: Gender Stereotypes: Joy shares a funny video about gender stereotypes.

Five Again: Joy shares how she came to faith at the age of five.

Stuff I Like: Music Videos: The music of Joy’s friend, Sam Martin

Ask Joy: Mommy Me: Some words of encouragement for single moms

Stuff I Like: Lil’ White Chapel: The story of The Chapel That Didn’t Burn

Fantasy is Not Reality: How is porn affecting this generation?

Stuff I Like: Eating With Friends: Joy’s love of breakfast and a challenge for you

I Understand…: The unknowns of faith and the walk of the disciples

Stuff I Like: Listening Ladies: A passage from one of Joy’s favorite devotionals, God Calling

If by “Magical” you mean…: Discussion of the “magic” of falling in love on The Bachelor

Stuff I Like: Music: Joy shares her love of Annie Bethancourt.

Ask Joy: Any Dude?: How do you know if this guy is the one God wants for you?

Stuff I Like: A Book: Why We Love the Church by Kevin DeYoung and Ted Kluck

She’s a Man-Hater: The risk of making extreme statements about gender

Stuff I Like: Built in Bookshelves: Joy shares why she loves built-in bookshelves. (Hint: Cozy)

My State of the Union: What’s going on in week 6 of 2010?

Stuff I Like: Younicornme: That one time Joy’s favorite app went live

What Are You Fighting For?: The value of submitting to authority

Stuff I Like: Mumford and Sons: Joy discusses the lyrics of Mumford and Sons.

Swim, baby, swim!: Joy writes a letter to Christians who are encouraging divorce.

“I Have Trust Issues” Pt. 3: Joy discusses how authentic community builds trust.

Stuff I like: Stephanie Bassos Photography: Joy shares art from an old friend.

Please…I beg of you, put your money & prayers where your mouth is: Pat Robertson-bashing and Christian love

500 Days of Summer: Film Review: Joy reviews the movie, “500 Days of Summer.”

“I Have Trust Issues” Pt. 2: How does current media affect how we trust one another?

“I Have Trust Issues” Pt. 1: Joy discusses the societal and relational implications of distrust.

20000000009!!! (Or something like that)

“Joy, Why Are You Doing This?”: Introducing the “Ask Joy” section of the site

All I want for Christmas: Joy hopes you will feel the love and peace of Christ.

The Look: Expectations in dating and “needy” people

Hug It Out: Healthy physical touch and the power of the hug

It’s been a hard days night: Music & verses for when it’s been “one of those days”

Advent Conspiracy: Tis the Season: How can gift-giving reflect what we believe?

Silent in Switzerland: Joy discusses one of the most challenging parts of her story.

Unicorn Monday Magic: Important discussions about why unicorns exist + Ryan Gosling

History Repeats Itself: How history can repeat itself in relationships (and history)

Nothing New Under the Pulpit: The posture of your heart can change how you hear.

It’s not that you’re not marriage material… but you smell like cabbage.: Dating rules learned at Pepperdine University

I blame communism…: How do our actions represent our Christian faith?

We no longer search for the news, the news finds us: Joy shares a short video discussing the impact of social media.

Breaking up with Jesus: How the words we use can shape our view of God.

Five Weddings and a Funeral: Similarities between weddings and funerals + a prayer

Attempted Attack Gone Awry: Joy discusses an attempted attack and the challenge of 1 Peter.

Ignorance: The state of being uneducated, unaware, or uninformed: Discussion on heart surgery and how to prepare for marriage

Jon Foreman: Learning How To Die: Joy discusses her love for these song lyrics.

Did Michael Jackson Feng Shui?: Joy discusses the brevity of life.

Unicorn Tears: Joy introduces her love of unicorns with a funny video.

Hear more of that plus the reason they work hard, parenting advice, why our family loves cemeteries and a few other weird things.

Enjoy this video rich of Egg-e-rich-sesssss.

(Can’t see this video? Click HERE.)

The Skip-Ahead Notes:

0:00– Siamese Twins + Bestsellers + Hook

2:07– Would you rather Qs (and dalmatians named “Fire!”)

7:06– He could remember her name. She couldn’t remember his.

9:42– “Please don’t let me marry anyone with this name!”

13:05– Grandma’s opinion, and a freshman uprising

15:52– “…You need $25?!”

18:20– How to work together

21:06– Those annoying/frustrating things

24:28– “…But he is a good man.” + Appreciating each other’s strengths

27:19– Imitating or compensating for our upbringing

32:20– When there is sin, grace abounds.

34:30– Teamwork in parenting

38:40– Emerson wasn’t funny

40:30– Cultivating friendship in marriage (and why Joy was still in a high chair at 18 years old)

44:15– How to stay motivated and not lose peace

46:31– What would you do if today was your last day?

48:22– Generativity + the posture of the heart

51:40– Another “Would you rather”

_______

Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is an internationally known public speaker on the topic of male-female relationships.  Based on over three decades of counseling as well as scientific and biblical research, Dr. Eggerichs and his wife Sarah developed the Love and Respect Conference which they present to live audiences around the country. Dr. Eggerichs has authored several books, including the national bestseller Love & Respect, which is a Platinum and Book of the Year award winner, selling over 1.6 million copies. Emerson is the Founder and President of Love and Respect Ministries and Sarah serves as Vice President.  Married since 1973, they live in Grand Rapids, MI and have three adult children.

Check out Emerson and Sarah’s blog HERE and their website HERE. Find Love and Respect on Facebook HERE, on Twitter HERE and on Instagram HERE. Find Emerson on Twitter HERE. Read the Love and Respect book HERE. Find out more about other Love and Respect products, studies, and videos HERE. Listen to their podcast HERE.

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Mother’s Day Guide For Men via Jeff Tweedy

-Lauren

_______

Lauren,

I think we need to stop and pay attention to the reasons why we use phrases like this. Sometimes we they resonate with us so deeply because…they’re true!

But other times we cling to a cliché to justify what we want to do even when we probably shouldn’t. We abdicate prayer, study of Scripture, seeking wisdom and good old-fashioned thinking because, well, we want to do what we want to do.

Think about it.

Also, I have some more thoughts in this video…

(Can’t see this video? Click HERE.)

From my jail-breaking heart,

Joy

P.S. Did you like that sweet poster in the vid? Check out Josh Chang’s illumination post HERE and his website HERE.

P.P.S. Josh is also the creator of the Love and Respect Now Crest. He’s a winner.

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Unrealistic Expectations? Ask Joy 

I absolutely love interviewing people, uncovering their stories, and getting so excited about the interview that I forget there are other people listening in on the conversation.

Join me as I uncover an incredible love story of basketball, broken dreams, romance and waiting.

(Can’t see this video? Click HERE.)

From my heart,

Joy

The Skip-Ahead Notes:

0:00- What are we going to talk about today?

2:20- Eric’s NBA days

3:46- NBA to Janitor to Pastor

8:00- Tough childhood, tough neighborhoods and when youth ministry got poppin’

10:10- Healing from a tough childhood

11:58- Marriage to his junior high sweetheart? Nope.

15:10- Twenty-nine-years-old and reconnecting with his junior high sweetheart? You bet.

18:13- Los Angeles. Eric was terrified. A Letter. Portland.

24:30- “The One” and the power of trust

26:30- Marriage, God and raising a family

29:55- Eric’s relationship with his family

32:39- The key to being a successful matchmaker

34:02- Joy loses her train of thought

35:30- Mentorship, race segregation, age segregation

38:21- Advice for those who feel inadequate about being a mentor

40:53- What is Holla Mentors?

42:49- Plagarism, 12 Years a Slave, and gaining confidence

47:14- Using a different pedagogy + being proud of Grandpa

49:50- Joy and Eric go down to the gym

________

Eric grew up in Inglewood, CA and moved to Oregon on a basketball scholarship to Oregon State University. After college he put down roots in Portland, OR. While in Portland, he planted The Well church, the most racially and culturally diverse church in the city. Eric completed his undergrad studies at Oregon State University, and earned an M.Div in Pastoral Care from Western Seminary. He joined Imago as an associate pastor in 2013, serving as Imago’s community, diversity and equity coordinator. He also directs the Waterhouse Network, a global church planting network based in Portland. He is the founder of the “Holla Foundation” and the “Holla If You Hear Me Tour,” a national tour that focuses on black male identity and mentorship. He has been married to his junior high and high school sweetheart for 17 years and has 3 beautiful children.

Check out Eric’s website HERE. Find him on Twitter HERE and on Facebook HERE.

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Ask Joy: Trust Me

But none of our following conversations suggested that he wanted to make a move or be more than friends. I am angry.

If I was being honest, though, I’d say I have a crush on him. Because of the long distance, though, it would never work.

How can I move forward in a way that will stay true to my feelings, but won’t damage our relationship?

-Sarah

________

Dear Sarah,

HAVE A CONVERSATION ABOUT IT.

Or watch this video. You made the news!

(Can’t see this video? Click HERE.)

From my Barbara Wa-Wa-lovin’ heart,

Joy

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On Alfredo Sauce and Being Intentional

Sweet of me, I know. So last week I posted this short little documentary of the “Summer of Fun” I had with three friends when we gave online dating a shot. Then, I chose three of your questions to answer:

1. Why did you choose to go on date number two?
2. How did you decide to tell people you were trying online dating? Did you receive criticism?*
3. A really long one that I don’t want to type out.

Now on to my experience…

When I decided to try online dating, I asked 3 of my girlfriends to do it with me for a month. I loved that we did it communally.

We ended up going on more dates than we ever have. This wasn’t just because of ehartmatchemistry.com, but because our friends heard we were doing online dating and started setting us up! Our posture was that of openness, and people shoved us through the doors. 

Online dating CAN work. It’s a viable option for many people. And I’d give the same advice for online dating as I do for offline dating.**

*When I answer this question, you will understand why I am wearing my grandmother’s fur.

** If you don’t know, my advice is this: let your community in, live your relationships in the light and have fun with it!

This, plus more about the dating experiences of my Grandmother’s and me personally in the video below!

(Can’t see this video? Click HERE.)

From my PETA-loving heart,

Joy

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I didn’t have time to make a trailer for this documentary, so for the full effect, turn on some dramatic movie music and read these quotes:

“Our real dating lives are OVER now!” – Laura

“I got matched with a guy who said he was 25. I’m pretty sure he’s 11.” – Joy

“Yeah, one looks like a wedding photo.” – Nicole

“I went live and immediately felt like I had crawled on top of a bar and asked random guys to hit on me.” – Mary

These quotes are from the summer I did an online dating experiment with three of my friends. One afternoon, over Mexican food and disappointing discussions about our failing love lives, I had an idea. Let’s do online dating for one month: TOGETHER.

If you’ve ever told any of your unmarried friends to give online dating a try and want to know the ish they have to deal with, or if you are considering it yourself or have done it and simply want to commiserate, join us for this 13-minute adventure.

(All filmed on iPhones.  Apple, I’ll just assume the check (or four new iPhones) is in the mail.)

(Can’t see this video? Click HERE.)

From my heart,

Joy

DID YOU LIKE THIS POST?

CHECK OUT THESE RELATED ARTICLES:

Ask Joy: E-Harmony Hang Ups

Ask Joy: Online Dating UPDATE

Ask Joy: Online Woes

Married and Mourning the Loss of Community: Ask Joy

Joy,

I’ve never had a girlfriend, but I am looking for one. I’ve tried online dating and I went out with two girls, but both said it wasn’t a really good match. 

I am afraid that I am running out of time. I don’t want to be that guy who is 35 and has no one. 

What can I do? The girls I send messages to online don’t write back.

-Paul

________

Hey Paul,

Only one person is going to work out. It can get discouraging because you’re putting in the effort, but if you’ve only been out with two girls, see it as practice and keep trying. Work on your social skills. Get good at asking questions. Get some wise people in your life to give you feedback. Maybe even, errr, go out on a practice date with your mom?? 

Oh, and don’t forget to engage the practice conversation at the end. Just respond to my comments, because this is exactly what going on a date with me would be like. (I know. I can’t believe I’m still single, either.)

(Can’t see this video? Click HERE.)

From my Zach Morris-loving heart,

Joy

DID YOU LIKE THIS POST? 

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Where the Singles At?? Guest Post: Renea McKenzie

Why Am I Socially Awkward? How To Not Puke At Parties

Ask Joy: Seeking Signs

A Singled Out Sunday

Your Life Begins Today, Not at the Altar: Katelyn Beaty — Illumination Guest

Beyond all of that, however, I hope you were pumped up by all the amazing artists you were introduced to, especially if you hadn’t already heard about them. I’m fortunate to be surrounded by so many great Portland-based musicians, painters, writers, photographers and other artists, and I’m grateful for those who worked with my father and me to film The Illumination Project so that we could inspire “light bulb moments” on the topics of life and relationships.

Since it’s almost Thanksgiving, I want to give you a gift and share one of the performances from The Illumination Project. My friends Paul, Hannah and Tim updated an ancient hymn written in the late 3rd or early 4th Century.

That’s, like, really old.

“Phos Hilaron” translates to “Hail Gladdening Light,” and was known as the “Lamp Lighting” hymn.  At the time it was written, Christians in Jerusalem would gather for a tradition called, “Lighting of the Lamps.” During this ceremony, a candle from the tomb of Christ was brought forth to celebrate the Risen Lord.

Watch and have a listen.

(Can’t see this video? Click HERE.)

Here are some pictures of the other writers, musicians, painters, graphic designers and more who shared and performed during the filming of The Illumination Project.

 Josh Hoke

 Blair Jacobson

Josh White with Liz Vice

Karyn Thurston

Stefan Wolf

Vandoren Wheeler

Kari Dunham

Annie Bethancourt

Josh Chang

_______

SAY WHAT?!?!

The Illumination Project is now available for online streaming. Yep, that’s right, we’ve entered into the 21st Century, Netflix-style.

Since this technology is all newfangled and because I am so thankful* for you, I am dropping the price from $59 to just $29! Now you can watch it anytime and anywhere on your Windows 95 iDroidpro-fire. Or whatever.

Quick! You have 29 seconds left to buy!**

DISCOUNT CODE: UNICORN

(of course)

*Thanksgiving is next week, you know.

**You actually have until December 25th. Happy Christmas, y’all!

_______

Phos Hilaron was arranged and performed by Hannah Glavor of Hannah Glavor and the family band. This song is featured on Imago Dei Music’s advent album, “Gladdening Light.” Imago Dei Music is a collaborative group of artists based out of Imago Dei Community in Portland, Oregon as a part of the Imago Dei Arts Collective. The Collective is committed to standing on the tightrope of the gospel between church and culture, navigating the tensions that exist as the gospel informs and infuses our creating and culture-making.

This is an original arrangement by Hannah Glavor featuring Hannah Glavor on vocals and harmonium, Paul Ramey on acoustic and vocals and Tim Glavor on dobro and vocals. The “Phos Hilaron,” meaning “gladdening light,” is Christianity’s oldest known hymn outside of the Bible and was traditionally sung during liturgies where candles or lamps were lit, especially around the Advent season.

Download Imago Dei Music’s Advent Album, “Gladdening Light,” HERE.

Hannah Glavor is an indie-folk singer-songwriter based out of Portand, Oregon. She is currently the Director of Worship & Arts at Imago Dei Community where she has been playing, leading, arranging and writing music since 2009. When not leading or arranging music, you can often find her sharing her tunes in venues across the West Coast with her band “Hannah Glavor and the Family Band.”  Weaving together the likes of banjos, accordions, guitars, hypnotizing drum beats and soul-melting harmonies, Hannah and her family band will gladly serenade you into sweet oblivion. Check them out HERE.

Check out Hannah’s band’s Website HERE. Find Hannah on Facebook HERE, on Twitter HERE and on Instagram HERE.

Paul Ramey is Imago Dei’s Pastor of Worship and Arts. Besides having a passion for worship, liturgy, and songwriting, Paul’s story has been formed by experiences as a church planter, both in New York City and in Portland. Paul is blissfully married to Meredith and is re-enjoying the thrill and exhilaration of boyhood (things like Star Wars, video games, tree forts and using anything and everything as a pretend gun or sword) as he helps to raise his three sons, Noah, Evan and Jonah.

Find Paul on Twitter HERE and on Instagram HERE. Learn more about the Imago Dei Arts Collective HERE.

(Well, technically, it did. They left me so their kids wouldn’t be the last ones picked up from gymnastics class. Whatever!)

We discuss the foundation of friendship in marriage, starting an organization together, having children with special needs, growing old and fighting well, plus a few “Would You Rather” questions that I just can’t seem to stop asking these days.

(Can’t see this video? Click HERE.)

The Skip-Ahead Notes: 

0:00– Introducing Gabe and Rebekah

0:34- Lightning-round questions for Rebekah

2:36– Lightning-round questions for Gabe

3:51– How do Gabe and Rebekah fight?

6:05– Q ideas  + Joy hyperventilating

8:23– 19.7 different ways Joy/Gabe/Rebekah met*

9:53– How Love and Respect influenced their marriage (even after 16 years)

11:23– Rebekah and Gabe’s love story

14:11– Humor in friendship and in marriage (even after 16 years)

17:26– What made them mature overnight

18:33– Advice on navigating being the parent of a child with special needs

22:18– How Kade influenced their other children

24:41– Their ideal growing-old scenario

*including IF:gathering, Eric Metaxas, and Tarzan

p.s. Since we didn’t get to talk about Q as much as I had wanted to, and to give you an idea of the “why” behind it all, check out the 7 Channels of Cultural Influence HERE.

________

Gabe Lyons is the founder of Q Ideas—a learning community that mobilizes Christians to advance the common good in society and author of The Next Christians: Seven Ways You Can Live the Gospel and Restore the World (Multnomah, 2012). Additionally, he is the co-author of UnChristian: What a New Generation Really Thinks About Christianity and Why It Matters, a bestselling book based on original research that revealed the pervasiveness of pop culture’s negative perceptions of Christians.

Rebekah Lyons is the author of Freefall to Fly: A Breathtaking Journey Toward a Life of Meaning. She is a mother of three, wife of one and dog walker of two living in Nashville, TN. She’s an old soul with a contemporary, honest voice who puts a new face on the struggles women face as they seek to live a life of meaning. Through emotive writing and speaking, Rebekah reveals her own battles to overcome anxiety, depression, and consumer impulses challenging women to discover and boldly pursue the calling God has for them. As a self-confessed mess, Rebekah wears her heart on her sleeve, a benefit to friends and readers alike.

Alongside her husband, Gabe, Rebekah serves as cofounder of Q Ideas, a nonprofit organization that helps Christian leaders winsomely engage culture. Her favorite pastime is spent with her nose in a book and a discriminating cup of coffee in hand. You can find Rebekah on Twitter and Facebook.

Find out more about Q Ideas HERE and Q Women HERE. Find Gabe on Twitter HERE. Read his books HERE and HERE. Find Rebekah on Twitter HERE, on Facebook HERE. Go to her website HERE and check out her book HERE.

DID YOU LIKE THIS POST?

CHECK OUT THESE OTHER GREAT INTERVIEWS:

The Good News About Marriage: Shaunti Feldhahn Interview

Relevant Magazine & Podcast: Cameron Strang’s Illumination (+ Video Interview)

Sseko Designs: How To Start a Company & Life as Husband & Wife

Amena Brown & Opdiggy: Falling In Love & Makin’ Music

Rachel Ramsey Cruze: On Money, Relationships, and Upcoming SMART Conference

And “eins, zwei, drei” is “one, two, three.” But now we are totally getting off topic.

So what is a Respect Card, you ask? Let me tell you. 

Many people feel like this “language of respect” is foreign to them. An idea that has opened many women’s eyes to the power of respect language is when I’ve challenged them to write a respect card to their brothers, fathers or husbands. Still, many have wanted more tangible examples. Well, guess what? I have a couple for you.

I was scrolling through Facebook one day when I read this from my friend, Karyn:

Three years ago tomorrow, I married the man who is currently in the nursery, shushing and singing and wooing his daughter to sleep. I married him, trusting that he would be a good husband, a caring father, and faithful friend. I married him not knowing the way he would pull his tired body out of bed, hours before leaving to work a full day at a stressful job, to make oatmeal for our early riser and let me have a few more precious moments of sleep. I married him not knowing the way he would consistently put himself second, would back down from his most stubborn holdings in a fight in the name of better understanding, would split every work bonus in two so we both get our a share of the “blow money,” would change diapers without flinching and wear our baby in any number of contraptions his obsessed wife presented, would be patient with me and show me grace at my least lovable moments. I married him not knowing how well he would love me, married him simply trusting his promise and his heart. Had I known then what I know now, I would marry him again in a moment, in a heartbeat, because this man has been an incredible, incredible gift. Happy Anniversary to my Fave – thank you for making me laugh, for tolerating my ridiculous point of view, for entertaining my whims even when you don’t understand them, for loving me well. I’m so glad you’re Fable’s daddy, and I’m so grateful we chose each other.

I also recall an event where I spoke about the power of notes similar to this–notes that honor the men in our life for their hard work and thank them for their friendship. One of the single women at the event said it made her think about her brother who had three kids and was working a couple of jobs to provide for his family. She decided to text him and say,

“I was just thinking about you and wanted to say how much I respect the fact that you work so hard and are present for your family.” 

She said he immediately wrote back and said,

“Are you ok??”

When she replied and said she was, but had just wanted to tell him that, he responded with,

“Lets talk soon. I love you.”

She said, “Joy, my brother and I don’t talk on the phone and I don’t know if he’s ever told me he loves me.” 

She was floored.

This is not to say women don’t want to be honored for working hard or to receive friendly words of respect, but over and over it has been proven to me that many men are wildly deprived of language like this. It energizes them deeply when it comes from the women who are most important to them in their life. So I encourage women not to underestimate what a gift like these words can be to the men in their life.

Women often say, “I mean, I think it, but I guess I don’t say it that much.”

Write a respect card, note, or text to a dude in your life today. I promise it will be the most inexpensive gift you can give. (But make sure it’s just that–a gift. When you give to get something in return, I call that manipulation. Ha.)

For more examples, check out my dad’s book Love & Respect, or watch my dad and I talk about it in The Illumination Project, which you can now stream online!! And don’t worry, men, there are lots of tips in there for you, too!!

Von Ganzem Herzen,

Fräulein Joy

DID YOU LIKE THIS POST?

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RSOTU: Respect Letter (Pt. 10 of 15)

Would vs. Could— Men Say There’s A Difference

Love and Respect: Loyalty Sealed the Deal

Ask Joy: Which Comes First, Love or Respect?

Ask Joy: Respect for Women, too?

My friend and I have been “the last singles standing” for a while now, but she just started dating someone. Honestly, I am feeling a little jealous now. How do I keep hanging out with her without becoming the “crazy, jealous friend”? 

-Jamie

_______

Hey Jamie,

I have a couple (couple = 4…?) options for you:

Option 1: Tell the new boyfriend that you will be attending every date and that he is required to bring one (new) (single) friend each time. Remember: it’s not too much to ask someone else to solve the problem of your love life.*

Option 2: Suppress it and start denying the very thing you want. Say things like, “I didn’t really want to get married any way.”

Option 3: Be bitter, super sensitive and stop going to any and all bridal showers, etc.

Option 4: Choose to follow Scripture and rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn because God wants to know the desires of your heart. Marriage may or may not happen for you. You can allow yourself to mourn that possibility, but if you let jealousy consume you, it will permeate your spirit–and that ain’t attractive to anyone.

As your friend rejoices, I challenge you to choose to be joyful for her and the feelings will eventually follow.

*This may or may not be true.

(Can’t see this video? Click HERE.)

From my sing-along-loving-heart**,

Joy

**Watch the video for this to make sense. Turn up the volume for angelic sounds.

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Singleness and the Church: BELIEF…and the Ready to Wed.

A Singled Out Sunday

More Questions to Ask Before You Get Married: Wisdom with Preschoolers

Balancing Marriage and Friendship: Ask Joy

Obstacles to Marriage in the 21st Century

But before we dive into all of that, get ready for some laughter as I take him through some “would you rather” questions and talk comedy, coffee and his distaste for wasps. 

Literally.

_______

(Can’t see this video? Click HERE.)

Want to read Eric’s new book, Miracles? Leave a comment or question below for a chance to win one of two SIGNED copies!

You don’t really want to zoom ahead, but if you only have a 10-minute break at work:

0:00- Eric is wowed by the world of Skype

2:16 – Lightning round Q&A

3:26 – Grammatical errors that drive him batty

4:20 – Would you rather…

5:06 – If you could go back to college…

5:36 – Humor rashes from the German side

7:21 – The future + broken feet

9:40 – Recipe for good humor

12:56 – Turner Classic Movies

16:56 – Marriage

19:17 – Eric’s view of dating in 5 minutes

24:07 – Why Eric and Suzanne broke it off for a bit + “The One”

31:15 – Shaunti Feldhahn and the 50% divorce rate

32:15 – Guiding daughters through the dating process

35:14 – What is in the book, Miracles?

38:03 – The best evidence for miracles

41:15 – “…and then God appeared to me in a dream.”

42:42 – God? Science?

45:11 – Bonhoeffer, the movie.

45:35 – JOY IS GOING TO BE IN IT!

45:55 – Who Eric killed

47:26 – Filming location (Hint: it isn’t Germany)

48:29 – Love and Respect and Bonhoeffer and cash cows

50:35 – BONUS STORY: The risk of drinking wasps

_______

“With wit and wisdom, Eric Metaxas will blow your mind with stories of phenomena beyond anything we might classify as merely natural. And he will bless your heart with what can happen in your life personally as you read stories of people (very smart people I might add) who “extra-ordinarily” encountered God’s majestic purpose converging with their daily lives, stunning and humbling them forever. Are you next?”

– Emerson Eggerichs, author of Love and Respect,

on Miracles by Eric Metaxas 

_______

The secret is out! Eric has also written a slew of other books. Here’s our (non-exhaustive) list:

• Seven Men
• Miracles
• Bonhoeffer
• Everything You Always Wanted To Know About God (But Were Afraid To Ask)
• Everything (Else) You Always Wanted To Know About God (But Were Afraid To Ask)
• Everything You Always Wanted to Know About God: The Jesus Edition
• It’s Time To Sleep, My Love

Purchase Miracles HERE. Find out more about Eric’s books HERE. 

_______

Eric Metaxas is a global speaker, thought leader, and #1 New York Times bestselling author known for mobilizing people to ask bigger questions and live more meaningful lives. His books have been translated into over 20 languages, and his memorable keynote speech at the 2012 National Prayer Breakfast has been viewed over half a million times. Metaxas is the author of several internationally acclaimed books including the New York Times #1 bestselling author of Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy, Amazing Grace: William Wilberforce and the Heroic Campaign to End Slavery, and Seven Men: And the Secret of Their Greatness. Additionally, he was a writer for VeggieTales and has written over thirty popular children’s books as well as published humor in the Yale Record, the Atlantic and the New York Times. He is the founder and host of Socrates in the City: Conversations on the Examined Life, a monthly event of entertaining and thought provoking discussions that feature Malcolm Gladwell, N.T. Wright, Dick Cavett, and Rabbi Sir Jonathan Sacks, among many others. ABC News has called Eric “a photogenic, witty ambassador for faith,” and he speaks to tens of thousands around the U.S. and internationally each year. He lives in Manhattan with his wife and daughter.

Visit Eric’s website HERE. Find Eric on Facebook HERE and on Twitter HERE. Find out more about his new book, Miracles, HERE.

DID YOU LIKE THIS POST?

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Stuff I Like: Bonhoeffer Bio

Eric Metaxas Official Late Night Show: Special Guest Joy Eggerichs

Illumination Guest: Eric Metaxas – Impromptu Interview

The Good News About Marriage: Shaunti Feldhahn Interview

The One: Part 1 – “Is There Only One?”

“I’ve found The One!”

“He definitely wasn’t The One.”

For as long as I’ve been doing Love and Respect Now, and probably for years before, “The One” debate has always been a hot topic. Recently my father and I were interviewed by Relevant Magazine on things the Church has gotten wrong about dating. This question inevitably came up.

The night before the interview I had been with a friend who grew up in a church setting that prophesied and TOLD you who you would marry. No pressure, folks. If someone came toward me to lay a hand on me in prayer for THAT reason, you can imagine I would be ducking and dodging like a game of Whack-A-Mole. Some of you don’t subscribe to that extreme of a view, but you still believe God means for you to be with that “one and only” person.

Here’s the thing: You might be right. I don’t think it’s necessarily a black and white issue because we don’t know exactly how God works. However, based off what I can see in Scripture, I tend to believe I could be married to multiple men (hopefully one at a time).

Here’s why:

1. Scripture says nothing about God having only one person for us.

2. It DOES say in I Corinthians 7, if a woman becomes a widow she is, “free to marry who she wishes, so long as it is in the Lord.”

What seems to be important to God’s heart is that I choose wisely based on what I say I believe, and trust that His words about marriage are a tool to refine us and a gift to show us His love.

The motivation behind a person’s desire for “The One” is commendable, and I would imagine stems from the words in Song of Solomon 3–“I have found the one whom my soul loves.” However this passage still seems to imply that she has made a choice. Once our soul, heart and mind has said, “I Do,” then it seems to me we should all move forward as if he or she is “The One.”

In the interview, my father said something that I had NEVER heard him talk about before. He said,

“When people ask me about ‘The One,’ I often ask, ‘Why are you asking this question?’ Because if they get ‘Yes’ as an answer, then they think that it will somehow make dating, engagement or the process or marriage easier.”

In other words, if we think there’s only one, then we will either sit back and wait for “The One” to come to us, or we will look for anything and everything to disprove that someone is “The One.” Taking it further into marriage, when it gets rough we might convince ourselves that we have to leave, because obviously we were wrong about them being “The One.”

Our personalities can play a big part in how we make decisions, and sometimes we try to twist and turn theology or God’s heart in order to support what feels safest to us.

I’m no theologian, but we probably shouldn’t do that.

Finding a formula may make things easier for the moment, but when it abdicates us from being thoughtful and prayerful in our decisions to be or stay with someone, then we aren’t seeking wisdom–we’re actually being lazy.

From my one and only heart,

Joy

SPECIAL NOTE:

 Guess what?!?! Today is my 500th published post. Because of that and how much I like you, leave a comment and I will pick a winner and send you a FREE COPY of Love and Respect and a YEAR-LONG SUBSCRIPTION to Relevant Magazine!

DID YOU LIKE THIS POST?

CHECK OUT MY OTHER POSTS ON “THE ONE”: 

The One: Part 1 – “Is There Only One?”

The One: Part 2 – “How Do I Know?”

The One: Part 3 – What If There’s No-One?

What I Know Now: Is She The One?

What I Know Now: Is He Marriage Material?

They’ll teach you about the beauty of miscommunication in dating, the making of a marriage in which one spouse often leaves the country, and why they let their unmarried friends be all up in their bizzzz-nass. Oh, and they’ll teach you about their actual business practices, social passions and facial-manicuring tricks.

_______

(Can’t see this video? Click HERE.)

You don’t really want to zoom ahead, but if you only have 15 minutes between classes:

0:00 – Confirmation that this recording is sorta legal

1:10 – Early morning eyebrow grooming

3:00 – How Ben wakes up

3:45 – What they’ll talk about later

4:50 – How Liz and Ben met

7:00 – Their rocky dating years

8:20 – Liz thought they had broken up. Ben didn’t.

10:20 – Why did Ben keep going after Liz?

11:35 – The Letters

13:15 – What did Liz admire about Ben?

15:32 – What changed Liz’s mind?

18:15 – Liz asks Ben out

19:10 – How did Sseko Designs start?

20:10 – The Joyjangles Collection Spring 2019

20:35 – Liz’s and Ben’s role at Sseko Designs

22:30 – About the Africa partners

24:25 – Changing the community’s perspective on women

25:40 – How does travel affect marriage?

32:25 – Waltons, Partridge Family, Swiss Family Robinson & The Fam that Eats Breakfast

33:40 – “The Hangry Story” or “Can unmarried people challenge their married friends?”

36:20 – Feeling the need to keep up the image of your spouse

37:45 – Liz’s talk at Plywood Presents

41:05 – Ben’s thoughts on feminism

43:45 – Joy’s challenge

Towards the end of the video, I mentioned Liz’s amaze-a-craze talk at Plywood Presents. Be prepared to be inspired and/or flip a table after you watch it.

_______

Liz Forkin Bohannon and Ben Bohannon are the founders of Sseko Designs. Sseko is an ethical fashion brand that works to educate and empower women. By providing employment and educational opportunities, Sseko enables women to continue their education and become leaders in their country. In four years, Sseko has grown from three women making sandals together under a mango tree, to an international fashion brand that provides employment, educational opportunities and entrepreneurial training to over 50 women in East Africa.

Find Sseko Designs HERE and Boys Will Be HERE. Follow Sseko Designs on Facebook HERE, on Twitter HERE and on Instagram HERE.

DID YOU LIKE THIS POST?

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Married and Mourning the Loss of Community: Ask Joy

Illumination Guest: Esther Havens – Illumination Around the World

Real Love: How Do You Know?— Emily Jamieson: Illumination Guest

Ask Joy: How to break it off?

If you answered “YES” to any of the above, then you’ll want to tune in to my interview with this creative, collaborating couple. Now I introduce to you Amena and Matt.

Or as I like to call him, “Opdiggity, No Doubt.”

________

(Can’t see the video? Click HERE.)

00:00 – Who are Matt and Amena Brown? And dropping microphones

02:57 – Matt and Amena’s love story

04:40 – Dr. Henry Cloud’s dating program (and how it ended)

07:50 – Running off to Vegas and getting married by Elvis

09:49 – “You’re a jewel of a man.”

12:29 – The turning point in their relationships

14:55 – Two questions Amena asked Matt

17:50 – Why Matt felt comfortable being vulnerable

19:10 – Amena called Matt. Matt asked Amena, “Why are you single?”

21:10 – Being open and honest vs. being an attack dog

22:40 – The lightbulb finally goes off for Matt

25:26 – Going exclusive?! And getting dating advice from middle schoolers

28:25 – The different spheres of dating

29:45 – Going from individual artists to collaborating

30:40 – Matt’s art + Amena’s art = ?????

32:15 – The five facets of hip hop + NSYNC beatboxing special

34:13 – How to deal with two different creative styles?

37:56 – Finding the right vocabulary in disagreement

38:47 – Entering into each other’s space + digging into messiness

41:27 – When is their next EP coming out? Why is Atlanta great?

42:22 – Outkast: the soundtrack to their 20’s

44:30 – Find Matt and Amena on Twitter and Instagram

(P.S. Amena, I am so sorry I am not tech savvy enough to know it would cut off your face! It didn’t look that way when we recorded!)

_______

Amena Brown is a poet/speaker/author out of Atlanta, GA who performs her unique blend of spoken word poetry nationwide and has spoken at conferences like Catalyst, Chick-Fil-A leadercast, and many more. She released her first book Breaking Old Rhythms in 2013. Amena performs with deejay/music producer Matt “DJ Opdiggy” Owen as Sol Graffiti. This husband and wife duo is a musical collaboration combining rhyme, soul, hip hop, electronic, and groove. Sol Graffiti is a mashup of poetry and music to tell a story and make you dance. Sol Graffiti is graffiti for your soul.

Find Sol Graffiti on Twitter HERE, on YouTube HERE and on Instagram HERE. Find Amena on Facebook HERE and on Twitter HERE. Find Matt on Facebook HERE, on Twitter HERE, on Mixcloud HERE and on Soundcloud HERE. Don’t miss Amena or Matt’s website, either!

_______

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CHECK OUT THESE RELATED ARTICLES:

Relevant Magazine & Podcast: Cameron Strang’s Illumination (+ Video Interview)

Illumination Guest: Joshua Chang – Know Your Self-Worth

Ask Joy: Mixed Signals

What I Know Now: Is He Marriage Material?

You Make Me Brave by Annie Downs (+ Audio Interview)

What can I do? I don’t want to make him feel like he got cheated by marrying me.

-Susan

________

Susan,

Don’t be so hard on yourself! As you’ll see in this video, I’m not the Neatest Nancy out there, either.

You didn’t say that your husband has said anything about this, but if you want to, this is a great moment to honor him by saying something like this:

“You know what, honey, I really respect the way that you are so disciplined in these areas. I want to learn from you.”

Use these first few months to figure out each other’s strengths, learn from each other, and create a gameplan for the to-do list. Start having the conversations now and create a win-win in your marriage, where you honor each other’s strengths and give grace for each other’s weaknesses.

Still feeling lazy? This would be a great conversation to bring up with your husband, or with an older, wiser woman who can speak into the topic.

_______

(Can’t see this video? Click HERE.)

From my Mr. Clean heart,

Joy and The Dusty Vaccuum

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Illumination Guest: Guy Chmieleski – God’s Workshop

Ask Joy: Hoping for Holly Homemaker

The Honeymoon Stage Is Over—Does This Mean Our Marriage Is, Too? Ask Joy.

What I Know Now: Newly Married Ladies and Joy’s Response to Sad Stories

Strengths Finder Personality Profile: Stuff I Like

How do the above questions pertain to a website about relationships, Joy? 

These are all valid questions, but if you’ve spent much time on the Love and Respect Now site you know that I write from a place that not only desires for people to understand and have hope for marriage, healthy dating and significant singleness, but for people to know God.

My friend, Josh, recently came out with a book that addresses some of the toughest questions I have asked about the God of the Bible. He has also written a specific post tying in some of the big themes of his book with an analogy of proposal. I love the imagery he uses and it makes me excited to finish his new book, Skeletons in God’s Closet.

How (NOT) To Propose Like God

By: Joshua Ryan Butler

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Getting ready to pop the question? Want to do it in a “godly” way? Well, maybe we can learn something from the way God proposes.

The cross is God’s marriage proposal to the world: where the Groom bends down on one knee and invites us to become the Bride, to turn from our independence and autonomy, and enter into intimate communion with the very life of God.

What I find interesting, however, are the ways God doesn’t propose. I would suggest if you want to find the best way to ask the love of your life to be with you forever, we can start by observing four ways God’s doesn’t pop the question (though many people seem to think he does) . . . to learn what not to do.

Four Ways Not To Propose

Please, for the love of God (literally), don’t propose like this:

1. “Marry Me and Bring In Your Old Lovers”

God doesn’t bend down on one knee, bust out the ring, and say, “Marry me and bring in your old lovers.” God wants the fullness of who we are with all of who he is, and our old lovers—the gnarly stuff like sin, idolatry and injustice we once gave ourselves to—are like abusive ex-boyfriends with an agenda.

They want to crash the wedding and tear God’s honeymoon suite apart.

Some people think if God truly loved us, he’d just look the other way. But letting our old lovers in wouldn’t be nice—our rebellion is the destructive force that tore our world apart. Our world is redeemed from sin and to God. For God to heal creation but ignore unabashed evil would mean creation hasn’t really been redeemed.

It would be like a doctor saying he’s healed his patient of cancer and ignoring all the incoming tests and X-rays showing the cancer still there. If children are still crying, nations are still warring, and people are still dying—then it isn’t really the new creation.

God loves us too much to do that; he won’t settle for a sham marriage. God’s wedding consummates the union of heaven and earth and God with his people forever. To bring sin into the wedding is to bring our old lovers into God’s honeymoon suite. And God won’t have it. 

So propose that the fullness of who you are be joined in union with the fullness of who they are—no intrusive exes allowed to disrupt the flourishing of your new life together.

Which brings us to the next bad marriage proposal. 

2. “Marry Me or I’ll Torture You”

This is a really bad way to propose. And unfortunately, this is the way many popular caricatures depict the big, bad, scary topic of hell (one of the topics I tackle in my book). Fortunately, this is not the way the bible depicts things.

God is not a sadistic torturer.

I grew up on Bill & Ted’s excellent adventures and bogus journeys where, like most popular Hollywood images, hell is an underground torture chamber: deep in the belly of the earth, where little red devils with pointy tails and pitchforks poke at you for eternity.

But these images are pretty silly. In Scripture, hell’s location is not underground, its purpose is not torture, and its construction is not a chamber (here’s a quick video where I talk about this more).

If someone proposed saying, “Marry me or I’ll torture you,” we would rightly be horrified . . . and lock them up. This is not how God proposes, and not how we should either.

3. “Marry Me or I’ll Kill You”

If we reject God’s wedding proposal, some have found annihilation to be God’s most merciful option for dealing with our stubborn rebellion. But I think there are a few significant problems with it.

First, it’s like God saying, “Marry me or I’ll kill you.” This is a REALLY bad way to propose!! Don’t do it. If you’re considering it, call Joy! She’ll help you think through a better way . . . or she’ll call the police.

It’s also problematic because Christ has conquered death. The grave is no longer an option. Jesus has torn down the gates to the graveyards, raided our coffins, and closed forever the dark road leading down into the depths of the earth. So this minimizes the life-giving power of Jesus’ victory over death.

Some people find God killing the marriage-rejecters more merciful because they’re responding to the caricature of torture. “Why can’t God simply put them out of their misery?” But as already mentioned, this is not the way the gospel works: God is not a sadistic torturer. 

If you knew a guy who asked the love of his life to marry him and she rejected the proposal, you’d hope he had the maturity to simply move on and let her go her own way. If he killed her for turning him down, we would think him small, vindictive, and cruel.

And we’d lock him up as a criminal.

4. “Marry Me or I’ll Lock You in the Basement”

Finally, some have found God’s most merciful option to be a universalism in which he sends unrequited lovers downstairs to purge them of their sin until all are eventually redeemed into his kingdom. Once again, however, there is a major common-sense problem with this. It is like God saying, “Marry me or I’ll lock you in the basement until you learn to love me.”

We know from common courtesy and everyday experience that the most mature response to a rejected marriage proposal is not to abduct the unrequited lover and lock them in your basement, but simply to let them go their own way.

Abduction of any kind is a bad marriage proposal.

Once again, folks are usually responding here to the caricature of torture. If annihilation tries to get rid of torture by simply killing the unrequited lover, universalism tries to find a constructive use for it: such as dealing with our sin. Both are problematic because they are responding to a caricature to begin with.

Fortunately, if we reject Jesus’ marriage proposal, he does not torture us for our redemption; he allows himself to be tortured by us for our redemption.

Jesus delights to embrace us, grace and goodness beckon from God’s city, but our independence, autonomy and pride must be left at the door. To ask Jesus to redeem us from sin is to ask for what he has already graciously provided on the cross.

Our problem is not God’s refusal to marry us, but our refusal to be bound in union with him. Asking God to redeem our refusal of redemption is to ask for a contradiction: it is like asking God to let us accept the marriage proposal and never have to see him again.  

5. “Marry Me or Go Your Own Way”

God is good. Gloriously good. Better-than-we-can-ask-or-imagine good. And he shows us a good way to pop the question. With sacrificial love, we vulnerably open ourselves up to the possibility of rejection, of being wounded, as we propose, “Marry me . . . or go your own way.”

God invites us into marital union with him, but he creates a space for those who prefer independence to communion, who want autonomy over worship, who desire sin over salvation. This is, so far as I can tell, the most merciful option God has for a rejected marriage proposal.

And in the gospel, this is the option he takes.

Jesus invites us into union with God, adulterous rebels that we are. God’s arms are wide open, inviting us to turn from our sin and be healed in his care! The Great Physician loves to heal, the Lamb desires to forgive, the King freely offers amnesty to all who will receive it and be made citizens of his kingdom.

God doesn’t torture, kill or lock us in his basement. And he doesn’t settle for an open marriage. So please, for the love of God (literally), don’t pursue the love of your life in those ways either!!

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Leave a thought, comment or question below for a chance to WIN one of FIVE copies of The Skeletons in God’s Closet: The Mercy of Hell, the Surprise of Judgment, the Hope of Holy War

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Joshua Ryan Butler serves as pastor of local and global outreach at Imago Dei Community, a church in the heart of Portland, Oregon, where he enjoys helping people who wrestle with some of the tough topics of the Christian faith. Joshua oversees the church’s city ministries in areas like foster care, human trafficking and homelessness and develops international partnerships in areas like clean water, HIV-support and church planting. Joshua is also a worship leader who enjoys writing music for the life of the church. Joshua’s wife Holly, daughter Aiden and son Jake enjoy spending time with friends over great meals and being a foster family for vulnerable children.

View Josh’s website HERE. Find Josh on Facebook HERE, on Instagram HERE, and on Twitter HERE.  Don’t miss the trailer for his new book, The Skeletons in God’s Closet, HERE. (And, of course, you can purchase the book HERE.)

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Let the Light Shine Out

I am twenty-one years old and I have been with my boyfriend since high school. Everyone says we are great together and affirms our relationship. We’re in college and have no debt–but I keep hearing statistics that younger couples getting married is not a recipe for success.

Since you’re so much older, wiser, etc., what do you think? Should we not get married?

-Sophia

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Sophia

Now that I feel adequately like a geriatric…lets begin with my “older person” answer.

I was going to answer this question with my friend Stephanie, (who is also nearing retirement age) but her daughter Brynn ended up being more of a fit and evened out the age demographic.

In all seriousness, I do agree with you… it’s usually not wise for sixteen or seventeen year olds to get married because of the obstacles that they may face, but those obstacles are usually due to maturity. However, based on how you asked the question, it seems like you are more mature, in community, and thinking broadly about the future and have taken wise steps to get where you are today.

Here’s the thing: what’s important when choosing marriage is maturity… not age.

So, relax and lets chat about this more with a wise little youngin’ who has some words for you!

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(Can’t see this video? Click HERE.)

From my heart,

Joy and Brynn (with a dash of Steph and Beck)

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(Sort of unrelated, but here’s why Steph left LRN–in song form.)

Wait, no she won’t. But she will help you figure out how to be wise with your money and not get sucked into the financial traps of this culture we live in today.

She is also a really good friend of mine and we had WAY too much fun when I interviewed her for the podcast I almost launched but then put on pause to learn from the podcasting guru’s over at Relevant. Hop on over to that podcast if you want to hear me talk about ceramic cats while they talk about movies, music and culture.

But I didn’t want to let our interview go to waste, so, if you want to listen in to a whole lot of banter, laughter, games and some wisdom from Rachel Cruze, check out the video below. And if you want to see us together LIVE, come join us at the Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles on November 1st at the SMART Conference! 

(Can’t see this video? Click HERE.)

0:00 – Time zones and checking technology
1:05 – Rachel & Joy’s friendship
4:11 – Competitions at moving restaurants + the SMART Conference
6:00 – Dr. Henry Cloud joins in
7:25 – Who is Rachel Cruze?
9:56 – Do 15-year-olds get nervous speaking to 4,000 people?
11:05 – The number one fear in America
12:05 – When to run off stage
13:19 – Housekeeping. Find Rachel on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram
14:07 – Rachel’s new book just debuted #1 on the New York Times, Wall Street Journal
18:00 – More on Oprah and happiness
19:45 – Googling Rachel Cruze & unplugging from social media
21:46 – How Winston Cruze proposed
25:03 – Story of my Life by One Direction – Joy’s reenactment
27:03 – Hot Sauce
28:15 – No pain, no ______? and half-asked work
31:28 – Nashville
33:00 – Faith – the real deal?
34:31 – Seeking older, wiser counsel
35:22 – Building trust as a mentor + drive-by counseling
39:00 – Concepts of Dave Ramsey + rabbit trails
40:36 – Cheetah vs. The Cheetah Girls
42:20 – Twitter Q1: Finding motivation and the Nebraska Years
46:20 – Getting out of debt and Financial Peace University
48:40 – Balancing work and relationships
51:30 – Letting the man lead the marriage
53:13 – Respect and giving the man a voice
54:48 – Testing Rachel’s currency knowledge
58:30 – Rachel cheats again!
1:01:19 – Rachel and Joy are speaking together at the SMART Conference in November!

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Rachel Cruze is a seasoned communicator and presenter who has been speaking to groups as large as 10,000 for more than a decade. The daughter of Dave Ramsey, she uses the knowledge and experiences from growing up in the Ramsey household to educate America’s students and young adults on the proper ways to handle money and stay out of debt. Her book, Smart Money Smart Kids, co-authored by her dad, released in April 2014 and debuted at #1 on the New York Times best-sellers list.

Find Rachel on Twitter HERE, on Facebook HERE and on Instagram HERE. Don’t miss out on her video blogs HERE. Buy her book “Smart Money, Smart Kids” HERE.

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First order of Biz: Men, I would LOVE for you to say what you think this man might be thinking from your perspective. And I would also say to you men, if you find yourself doing something similar to the dude she describes, I just want to let you in on a little secret..

ANY information you can relay can be so helpful if you are in an ambiguous relationship. Even if that information is, “I’m processing things right now, but I want you to know I AM thinking about our friendship, relationships or whatever this might or should be…”

Even stating your lack of clarity will give some level of confidence to the other person because at least they know you are thinking about it which lets them feel a little less like they are taking crazy pills. 

I may simply be answering Kristin’s question based on my own experiences, but hopefully what I’ve learned will help.

Men: I present to you, the making of taking crazy pills…

Dear Joy,

I met a guy about five months ago and really like him.

YEAH! That’s fun.

I didn’t really want to like anyone, because I didn’t want to be open to emotional hurt and rejection, but prayed about it and felt that God was leading me to let my walls down around this guy.

That’s a step in the right direction! Letting our walls down can lead us to getting hurt, but it’s also the route to being known. Way to knock down dem’ walls!

We have grown a lot closer over the past five months, but I am not sure how he feels about me.

I’ve been there.

He calls or texts almost every day wanting to spend time with me, but has never made any comments about liking me romantically. He always texts or calls me first to see what I want to do and then invites the rest of our close friends to join.

I can safely say, he likes you–but to what extent, I’m not sure. He obviously likes you MORE than the other friends in the group since you get the first call and get to make the party-planning shots! He’s obviously wanting to know you more. 

I don’t understand why he wants to spend time with me if he doesn’t like me…

I repeat, he does.

…and I don’t really want to have a “defining the relationship” conversation because a) I don’t want to initiate it, I think the man should and b) I don’t think that those types of conversations ever lead to relationships, only awkwardness in a friendship.

a) I talk about the pro’s and con’s of pursuit in the series I have listed below, but I wouldn’t necessarily equate him initiating this type of conversation as a make or break on what type of man he is. Yes, there is great comfort and confidence that comes when someone makes their intentions clearly known. But have grace for a couple things:

1. He may never have had this approach modeled for him and could be thinking that by contacting you every day he IS making his intentions very clear.
2. He may not have a good read on YOU to give him enough confidence that this conversation would go anywhere so he’s just going to wait until it feels clear to him. Men are FAR more sensitive and fearful of rejection than many women often assume.

b) I would disagree. It could be the very thing that just opens the door for him to feel confident that you are interested. Check out what Tim Keller’s wife did in the “Feelings for a Friend” post I also have listed below.

At the same time, it is driving me crazy emotionally to have him flirt with me and seek my attention and time without knowing if he likes me. I don’t know how to guard my heart and yet be emotionally vulnerable and open to a relationship with him at the same time.

This is a tough tension, but watch the “Guarding Your Heart” video as I think that will help give you clarity on what that really means.

Any advice?

Well, everything I said above… but also the reality that you might get hurt. You might live in ambiguity for months and months or you might have a conversation and he might get weird. Either way, you know that you like him and he’s the type of man you want to pursue something with so for that, you will just have to keep your heart open. But remember, if it DOESNT work out, that doesn’t necessarily mean you guys did something wrong. We date and get to know people and in that we should hopefully gain more insight about ourselves, others, and God’s unique design of relationships, but you can’t find that out if you start stacking those bricks and building those walls back up.

From my heart that has stacked a few bricks in my day,

Joy

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Who Pursues? Part 1

Who Pursues? Part 2

I don’t usually demand things, but I’m going to today. You must read Shaunti’s book or watch this interview I did with her. I’m literally telling everyone about her findings because it’s EXACTLY what my generation needs to hear. 

An entire session of The Illumination Project is based off the question, “Should we have hope for marriage?” It’s difficult to figure out the answer today when we’re only hearing the depressing stats about divorce and happiness in marriage. We’re left wondering if we should put our heart out on the line and go out on that date with the person we are on the fence about anyways, orrrr stay in our marriage when it gets a bit bumpy.

There’s good news–many of the stats that have been floating around for years are literally crap. (Sorry, mom.) This little conspiracy theorist (that is, me, not Shaunti) is picturing some crazy divorce lawyer who decided years ago to leak “bad news” so people would assume it was hopeless, give up and call him.

Ok, so maybe I’ve gone a little nuts, but Shaunti hasn’t. Listen in to her wisdom and expertise! And meet her cat, because he’s pretty pumped about this, too.

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(Can’t see this video? Click HERE.)

THE SKIP-AHEAD NOTES (but you shouldn’t…):

0:00 – Who is on the cover of The Good News About Marriage?

2:56 – Debunking the myth that 50% of marriages end in divorce

5:08 – The common denominator that decides whether a marriage makes it. (Hope and the culture-wide feeling of futility)

7:26 –  Understanding divorce rate statistics

8:53 –  Who is at a higher risk for divorce?

9:20 – The real divorce rate.

11:49 – Asking a stranger, “What percentage of marriages do you think are happy?”

14:40 – Will divorce make you happier?

17:54 – One thing women can assume in marriage – and it’s not necessarily good.

19:07 – Intoducing Shaunti’s domestic cat and Joy’s feral cats

20:20 – Answers to the question, “Are you generally happy about your marriage?”

22:28 – Married people, chill out!

23:49 – Dating people, chill out!

25:03 – How many care deeply about their spouse? 99.375%

27:22 – The game changer that Shaunti and Emerson both agree on + a story

29:55 – 180 pages can save a marriage

31:05 – When Joy read The Good News About Marriage

32:14 – Good news on divorce rates of people of faith

36:20 – Living in community and living relationships in the light

37:50 – Strengthsfinder 2.0

39:43 – Joy’s conspiracy theorist heart and debunking stats from the U.S. Census Bureau

43:57 – Sometimes it’s death, not divorce

45:31 – Sliding vs. deciding and living together before marriage

49:15 – Joy’s take on, “If you wouldn’t buy a used car without driving it, why would you not live together before marriage?”

49:57 – The perfect age for marriage

53:23 – Fear of marriage and spiritual talk

54:39 – Taking a step towards dating

55:48 – All of Shaunti’s books started with a fiction novel

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The divorce rate has been declining overall for years; it has declined 32% since its peak around 1980.

 -Shaunti Feldhahn,

The Good News About Marriage

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Hey! Shaunti has written a lot of books and studies. We’ve compiled alllllll of her books in a list for you.

• The Good News About Marriage
• Surprising Secrets About Highly Happy Marriages
  
• For Men Only
• For Women Only
• For Parents Only
• For Young Women Only
• For Young Men Only
• The Life Ready Woman
• For Women Only in the Workplace
• The Male Factor
• Made to Crave – Young Women
• For Couples Only

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Shaunti received her graduate degree from Harvard University and was an analyst on Wall Street before unexpectedly becoming a social researcher and best-selling author.  Today, she applies her analytical skills to investigating eye-opening, life-changing truths about relationships, both at home and in the workplace.  Her groundbreaking research-based books, such as For Women Only, have sold more than 2 million copies in 23 languages and are widely read in homes, counseling centers and corporations worldwide.

Want Shaunti to speak at your church or leadership event? Click HERE. Find Shaunti’s website HERE and her blog HERE. She can also be found on Facebook HERE and Twitter HERE.

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Ask Joy: Cohabitation Conundrums

Many of my divorced friends had wives that cheated on them. From a woman’s perspective, what warning signs should I be looking for during the dating process that would be indicative of a woman that might do that?

Joel

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Joel,

Even though I am a lady (thanks for noticing) my answer in the video below is based on some things I think both men AND women can be aware of as we navigate the search to find someone who will be faithful to us in marriage.

One thing that I always, always, always advise people to do is live their relationships in the light. In fact, that’s how The Illumination Project got its name! Whether we are single, married or dating, we need trusted people in our lives who can see what is going on – people with whom we are open and honest about what’s really going on.

Even if those trusted people are annoying with their questions and involvement in your relationship, I say, let them. It’s a lot less annoying than going to see a divorce lawyer.

It might be hard, but try not to let your fears of unfaithfulness or the stories you’ve heard paralyze you as you move toward getting to know someone. More on that, along with some additional things you can do as a husband or wife, in the video (and my attempt at the analogy about seeing the forest for the trees, but I always screw up phrases like that.)

So take your black kettle and call the pot before your chickens come home to roost and you count them.

Right?

_______

(Can’t see this video? Click HERE.)

From my heart,

Joy and the little piggies

P.S. Your day just got a whole lot better, didn’t it?

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Assume The Best

I was excited to see that verse in today’s post by Preston Yancey because, like my college pastor, he is one of those thinker-writer types that incorporates the poetry of Scripture into the poetry of their writing.

This fall I have been speaking about the topic of identity and what it means to actively seek God — therefore not only do I love the thought provoking words that Preston has penned below, but I am also excited for his debut book. It sounds like it has similar themes to my story which means it will most likely resonate with the souls of many of you.

Until you pick up his book, please pause for a minute and read his poetic unpacking of the stories of Scripture.

Mana

By: Preston Yancey

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