Love Like This Life

We'll Get Together One of These Days

2013-06-13T20:53:00.003-04:00

Tomorrow, after work, I'm going to a funeral.

Ashley's FB Profile Pic

The second funeral this year I never in a million years would have imagined I'd be going to.

My friend Ashley died unexpectedly, Sunday morning, while she was teaching youth at church.

I couldn't believe it when I first heard. She was just 31.

We had been meaning to get together.

Ashley and I weren't close friends, but we shared lots of fun high school memories, like cheerleading and Alpha. The stuff that binds you together as sisters, forever.

Recently, we stayed in touch via social media. Liking and sharing each other's pictures on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. She followed my tweets during the election, and was a frequent commenter on the blog here.

She wanted Michael and I to come and share our story to her youth group. We talked most often about the Jesus Calling devotional, and blogs that we both loved - like the work of Lisa Jo Baker and Ann Voskamp, and youth ministry ideas for young girls.

Ashley loved Jesus. She followed him with her whole heart. I saw her life change and go down that path. Her handsome husband, her adorable kids - her son who looks just like her, and her daughter who looks just like Jamie.

I can't believe she is gone.

When we moved back to Virginia Beach, I was overwhelmed with wanting to get together with so many people. Ashley was one.

We'll get together one of these days, we'd say.

Now, we have to wait until Heaven.

I hate that.

But I know that Ashley's faith was strong. I know she is happy and she with Jesus, and that that kind of love and peace is even greater than young, beautiful, fulfilling life on this Earth.

I admit that my own faith is weak. I want life here to last as long as it can. I don't want pain. I don't want struggle. I don't want grief. I constantly beg God for mercy. I'm learning through this experience of her death, that we can lean into the faith of others, when our faith isn't mature enough. I've leaned into Ashley's faith so much this week.

When I first heard of her death on Sunday, I was so angry. Why did this happen? How could God let this happen?

There was a tiny seed of faith inside me that told me that even if her death brought one person to Jesus, Ashley would agree to it.

Now, here we are - days later - people from all parts of her life, connecting like we haven't ever done before, and what are we talking about?

JESUS.

I went to bed Sunday night, holding on to my husband extra tight. So thankful to have air in my lungs. The first few days were all about that.

Profound gratitude for this life.

Now, I feel a shift.

A challenge.

To center my life around what matters for eternity.

Ashley did.

In her life - and in her death - everything pointed to the Lord.

That's what He calls us to do.

That's the kind of life I want to lead.

Thank you, my dear sister, for pointing us in the way we should go.

Thank you for sharing what inspired you, with us.

I'll never forget your smile.

Your beauty. I tried to hate you for being so beautiful, but I couldn't. You were too sweet. And funny.

I'll really never forget your laugh.

I am sorry we didn't get together to catch up.

But I thank you for living your life in such a way that your funeral will be a beautiful celebration, and a reunion for all of us who were blessed enough to get a piece of you while you were here.

Just wait until you see that Baptist Church full of former Indian River High School Cheerleaders/Alpha Angels together like one giant pack. The stock on waterproof mascara will soar tomorrow morning.

Rest easy, Ashley.

To everyone that reads this -- Please join me in praying for Ashley's husband Jamie, her 7 year old son Mason, and her 4 year old daughter, Marley.

And all of her close friends. Friends way closer than me.

I just can't imagine what it would be like to go from normal happy life to a funeral, in less than a week.

I'd appreciate if you pass this page along to raise prayer awareness and money for this family, during this difficult time.

I Miss Blogging

2013-06-11T20:52:00.003-04:00

So the only problem with going to the gym a lot and getting into shape... is that now, I never have any time to blog. Waaahhh.

I miss it. I miss you all.

Hopefully soon, I will figure out this juggle, and I'll be back. For now, feel free to connect on Facebook and Instagram. I'm still on there every 5 seconds.

Cheers.

Some Couples Face Heart-wrenching Suffering

2013-05-31T03:10:00.000-04:00

As we share our story of approaching marriage where a spouse has a disability other couples reach out to us to encourage and ask questions. While so many of our days are really fine some are downright overwhelming. We've shared how one or both of us have broken down sobbing over our frustrations. Somehow one of us manages to buck up and be strong when the other is broken.

Our day-to-day struggles to balance caregiving, disability, work, and household responsibilities are something we will face for years to come. This is why we want to get it right. We want to figure out this dance so we can enjoy a long and happy marriage with kids, a house (with a maid), and a two-car garage where we park the cars we are both driving. It is all hopeful.

Too many couples don't have that hope. They face the dread of terminal or degenerative illness that robs them of their spouse and all of those hopes and dreams. Some find the inspiration to dig in together and fulfill those goals in the precious time left. But as the illness intensifies one spouse is eventually unable to carry on and the other managing.

If you've visited our website the past year you have noticed a large link that states "Pray for Tricia". It links to Confessions of a CF Husband, a blog where Nate Lawrenson shares about their life with his wife's Cystic Fibrosis. Just recently Tricia required a breathing machine because her lungs were failing. Doctors were days from this decision when a donor match was found. After a very rough year, Tricia is recovering with a new set of healthy lungs.

Our friends Derek and Krystina were a normal young couple when he was blown up by and Improvised Explosive Device in Afghanistan. Many of you prayed for them through his recovery. We all anticipated their upcoming marriage and his release from Walter Reed. Then he died suddenly one night.

Another couple has been battling breast cancer. Brian and Kelli were a young, beautiful couple with the family to match. Friends and family have surrounded them with love and support. But over the past few weeks cancer took its awful toll. Yesterday she passed away with her family nearby.

People wonder how we make it as a caregiver/disabled couple. It is like any marriage: we cherish each other.

We all hold out hope our marriage will be long and happy. Marriage is still sacred. To love a spouse through suffering and hardship is challenging. To lose a spouse is tragic. To receive a few more years together is a gift.

Fish Tacos to the Rescue

2013-05-28T08:50:00.001-04:00

What to do when one has too much salmon?

We faced this problem last week. While we love our dinners from fresh20 we always have too much. It is great for leftovers. And most of the meals reuse different components. But last week's recipe called for two pounds of fresh salmon. We couldn't be stuck with too little salmon!

So after the salmon dinner was cooked it was obvious the two of us couldn't finish all of the salmon. Even with the second time around we had too much.

There's no way we're throwing away that expensive fresh caught salmon. So we thought about something easy and different -- fish tacos.

While tacos are usually made with white fish, salmon made sense. Cooked in some Old Bay and topped with fresh pico de gallo on toasted corn tortillas, the salmon made for wonderful fish tacos!

On Balancing Working and Caregiving

2013-05-27T06:05:00.001-04:00

A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to participate in a video chat with Caregiving.com about working and caregiving.

First of all, let me say this.

Someone, I think it was Sib, who I like to call my big quad-wife sister, said that this life that we lead really can't be "balanced."

It has to be "juggled."

Which I think is a much more accurate term, because something is always up in the air! And that thing that's in the air - whether it's work, or home, or caregiving, is at one point or another, in the air - a.k.a. out of your control.

I am, by nature, a workaholic. I think that makes my juggle more of a struggle than it needs to be.

I find that organization and systems are KEY.

Here's the video of the chat, if you'd like to see it.
You can read more about everyone who participated in it, here. Be advised we did have some technical challenges at the beginning, but we ultimately pulled it together.

In my advice, I mentioned two online services that help me juggle.

One is Stitch Fix.

The other is The Fresh 20.

Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links, which means if you click on them, and buy something, that it will in some way benefit me.

CrossFit is Changing my Life

2013-05-24T02:27:00.000-04:00

I can't remember if I've written here about how I gained 30 pounds in two years, but I did.

I gained 30 pounds in 2 years.

I blame the campaign. I traveled so much, and ate a lot of Boston Creams and a ton of 2:00 a.m. Taco Bell, and well, I didn't work out.

Like, pretty much, ever.

And my thighs and my stomach turned into tubes of biscuit dough.
It was horrible.
I felt terrible about it, but just didn't have the energy to do anything about it.

So, I just pretended like I was okay with it. And ate some Swiss Cake Rolls.

Then, when I saw a few pictures of myself, and especially videos of just how bad it really was, I thought about doing something about it.

Then we moved.
And I started a new job, a new overnight schedule, and I wrote an eBook.
Then we were on a TV show.
And I just got fatter and fatter.
The worst part was losing my shape.

I've been chubby before, but it was different. At least I was able to maintain my shape. I'm really short, so any weight shows up quickly. But, like I said, I was always able to maintain my shape. I have a lot of muscle tone, naturally. I'm a little power house! :)

But this time, this fatness was out of control.
I saw and felt myself getting round.
Getting fat in my tummy. I'm not naturally fat there. I'm a butt and thighs kind of girl.

Anyway - about a month ago, my sister told me about a CrossFit Groupon. We bought it, and I was so scared to death to try it. I was afraid I would look like a Biggest Loser contestant on day one.

But we went.
And I didn't die that first day.
Or the second day.
And I'm still alive!

It's been about a month.
And my scale is broken (I didn't do it, the battery died) but I actually think that's okay, because I'd rather measure my loss in inches anyway.

I've lost four inches in my waist in a month, y'all!

The best part of all - I'm addicted.
Other CrossFitters told me this would happen.
I was afraid it wouldn't happen to me.
How could I become addicted to painful workouts?

It happened.
And I'm so glad.

It's really fun to watch and feel my body go back to where it's supposed to be. I love slipping on jeans that actually fit. And the best part of all is that Michael is noticing it, and using words like "tiny" and "slim" to describe me. Bless his heart. That's definitely a stretch, but it's cute how much he loves me.

And for the record - he never stopped loving me, even in the height of my fatness.
He's a good one.

For the record... my CrossFit hero? My little brother. That's him, there. Dead lifting 475 lbs. I want my legs to look like that.

Nature Walks with our Puggle

2013-05-07T08:32:00.001-04:00

Brokaw loves our walks outdoors. Since spring we have enjoyed the other animals in our neighborhood. His beagle instinct takes over sometimes and he can't help chasing them down. When they're far enough away he just watches. These geese were not happy to see us and squeaked to let us know. Brokaw was puzzled at the noise they made.

This mallard family was in our retention pond a few days ago. We saw three or four babies with them. Mamma Mallard had her eye on us. Brokaw wanted to get close, but I told him not to harass the poor babies.

Look carefully and you'll see a couple of bunnies in this photo. Don't feel bad if you don't because Brokaw didn't see them either. He usually sees the rabbits at night when sensible people are inside and they think they are safe. Silly rabbits. He gets excited when they bounce by.

Joni and Ken: An Untold Love Story (Review & GIVEAWAY)

2013-05-06T06:00:00.000-04:00

Last Saturday morning, before the sun came up, I finished a book.

Not just any book.

A book that I feel one day, I'll be able to write myself, somewhat.

I finished this book with tears streaming down my face.
Two minutes after I finished it, I crawled back into the darkness and pile of pillows and blankets that is our king sized bed, and snuggled into my favorite place in the world.

Michael's right shoulder.

I shed a couple of tears on my favorite quad's chest.

You see, it took me weeks to finish this book.
Because I had to keep putting it down.
Some parts of it were just too real, too painful for me to read.

Like this, about Ken adjusting to living and loving someone with a disability:

"It took a while to separate himself emotionally from what happened in the bathroom, but he was able to shake it off. With God's help, he believed he was up to the task. She believed he was too. But it didn't take away the fear."

When Joni and Ken met and fell in love, she was already paralyzed. Living in a wheelchair and all of that was already a part of her "normal" life. Ken was swept off his feet by Joni. I can't blame him. She is breathtakingly beautiful, and full of God's grace. Who in their right mind, with the chance, wouldn't be swept away?

I was swept away with my quad, too.
I remember those days of simultaneously falling in love, and swimming in fear.
But the sweetest part of it was being able to trust God, and trust Michael.

Joni and Ken: An Untold Love Story takes you through their journey of meeting and falling in love, and getting married, and then, the part that made me cry.

When they fell into the routine of everyday living/caregiving/working/marriage and keeping a house, and before they knew it...

"It was like climbing a mountain where you took one step ahead and slid back two; instead of making progress, you felt like you were going backward. No matter how diligently you worked at it, you were never 'done.'

Sometimes he found himself asking, How did I get here? Why is everything so hard? Why don't things ever get better?"

Joni and Ken have had additional and different struggles than we've had. Joni has had to deal with chronic pain, and breast cancer. Ken had to learn what it's like to be married to a famous person.

But, there is so much that we relate to, and so much to learn from this treasure of a book. I encourage anyone who is married to read it, especially if you juggle a disability in your marriage.

My favorite line of the whole book? It's from the beginning, when they were out on a boat, just the two of them, during their dating days.

"Ken spoke up. 'It could work, you know.'"

Joni and Ken are 30 years into their beautiful marriage. That's almost 10 times as into this as we are. We're thankful to have them as great role models to look up to. I am personally grateful that they decided to peel the veil back, and let us in. I'm also grateful for their ministry, Joni and Friends, which we've both been blessed by, and had the opportunity to serve.

We're so blessed that we've been able to meet them and get to know them.

I'd like to bless one of you with a copy of this book. Please share this blog post on Facebook, and you'll be entered to win. I'll randomly pick a winner, and contact you via Facebook to let you know you've won by Sunday, May 12th.

You can buy the book here.

What It's Like to be on a Reality Show

2013-05-04T08:22:00.001-04:00

This past weekend, our episode of "I'm Married to A..." was on VH1.

You can watch the full episode here:

I'm Married To A... | Quadriplegic & Dominatrix

As I wrote about before, the crew was here just as we were first moving to Virginia Beach, and as I started my new job.

People have asked me if we were nervous to share our story. The answer? Not really. We share our story all the time here on the blog, and while no, we don't write about our sex life or about trying to have a baby, you had to know by now that both of those scenarios exist in our life.

By the way, there's no great baby update yet. Honestly, we haven't been trying, yet. Our life right now is consumed with my job.

So, that baby - while already incredibly loved, and covered by prayers of people all over the world - is on hold, for now.

You can read more of an update on VH1's blog. They interviewed us after the episode aired this week.

I want to tell you what the last week has been like.

It has been overwhelming, in the best way possible.

We have both received hundreds of social media messages and comments, emails and text messages from people in our lives (some that we haven't heard from in 20+ years) and some heartfelt greetings from complete strangers.

It's been hard to keep up.

But - it's all been so encouraging, and such a blessing.

We did not put our story out there for any kind of recognition. Definitely not for pity.

Knowing that our story, and our openness has given some people hope - that real love exists, that tough circumstances are worth pushing through, and that even a show that features a dominatrix can also show your faith, has been really fun.

We already knew that the love ("Love Like This") that we share is something special. It's interesting for so many other people to see it now, too. We want that for every marriage, every relationship.

Now - obviously, our love is not pure and perfect and devoid of me acting like a you-know-what during "shark week," and Michael sometimes being annoyed and disappointed. We face marriage issues like money and jealousy and selfishness, just like anyone else.

Don't put us up on a pedastal. Please. We'll fall right off.

But thank you for taking the time to encourage us, to lift us up, and to pray for us. It means a lot.

And to the crew, and the team at VH1 and everyone involved with the casting and production of the show, thank you for giving us a chance.

I'll never forget the day I came home from work, and there were lights and cameras all over my house.

I'll never forget wearing a microphone, and trying to come up with enough clothes that actually fit, for the wardrobe changes, that would work with wearing said microphone. And setting camera shots, and being on the other side of the camera - which, by the way - I was surprisingly comfortable with.

I'll never forget these nice people, Evie, Mary, Jenn, MJ, Brian, Orrin, and Andy - who took Brokaw on a million walks so you wouldn't hear a barking or snoring Puggle in the background of every shot.

I'll never forget watching ourselves on our own TV in our living room where everything was taped. It was the strangest thing, ever.

One day, we'll look back at this experience and chuckle, "remember that time we were on a reality show?"

But - I know this for sure, now. We won't ever regret it.

Thanks again to everyone who made this possible for us.

By the way - here are some more clips from the show.

Our love story:

I'm Married To A...

Our morning routine:

I'm Married To A...

Celebrating good news:

I'm Married To A...

And, finally, building a wheelchair ramp - which has to be the nicest we've ever worked together.

I'm Married To A...

Saturday Morning Post

2013-05-04T07:32:00.000-04:00

Well.
Hello there, 6:30 a.m. Saturday.
I was wondering if you'd ever come back to me.

But, here you are in all your glory.
Your peace and quiet.
Your only sounds are the wind chime dancing in the back yard, and the Puggle crunching his Beneful.
Your taste is of Starbucks Tribute Blend.

Aaaahh.
Here you are.
My empty computer screen, and my full mind and my no-alarm-clock, sleeping-husband, everything-has-been-cleared-off-the-day-Saturday.
Let's hang out.
All day.

I've slept 13 hours, and Brokaw peed on that white chair up there, but I don't care.
I'll wash it. Later.

Let's do nothing.
Which we both know is actually a lot.
Three lists, actually.
Home.
Work.
Blog.

Let's tackle those lists and try to remember to rest and to eat and to drink more water.
Let's do this.

P.s. More on my thoughts of being on a reality show, coming soon. I promise. But now, coffee and an e-Book bundle that you really do need to check out.

Our Episode Airs Tonight!

2013-04-28T06:05:00.000-04:00

I'm Married To A...

I told you guys last week about how Michael and I are going to be featured in a reality show called "I'm Married to a..."

Well... tonight is the big night!

I had to Google what the other couple was. I'd never heard of the word "dominatrix." Oh my.

The thought of all of the little church ladies all over the country watching this for our story makes me feel kind of weird, but obviously we have no control over who they paired us with. Plus - they may have had to Google "quadriplegic," anyway!

I hope you'll watch tonight at 10pm ET on VH1.

The episode will be online in a few days, along with extra clips.

I'll admit, I'm pretty nervous about it, but thankful for the opportunity, and I know that our story will be out there for many more people to read.

I just hope it encourages someone. We're thankful for the chance to have this experience!

I Wish I Had More Time

2013-04-27T09:10:00.000-04:00

It’s 8:55 a.m. I wish I had more time.

Story of my life, right?

I want to write so much.

I want to write about how I finished Joni & Ken’s book at 5:00 a.m., with the moonlight streaming in through the big window over our living room, and all I could hear was Brokaw snoring, and the air purifier in the bedroom as Michael slept.

I want to write about how after I finished it, I snuggled up on my favorite shoulder in the world, shed a few tears, then fell back asleep.

I want to write about the nightmares I had. One was about giving a pair of cute mint Chuck Taylors found on sale, up to someone else, and having immense regret about it. Another was about how I was spending weekend time at home, until my boss called me to YELL at me about how the news was a mess and I needed to come to work immediately. And for some reason, I kept not going in, and yet at the same time, not getting anything done at home.

I have very real dreams.

I want to write about how I’m surprised by how much I miss being at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner this weekend, but share about how the pain of not being there but having been there before is not quite as bad as the pain of wanting to go and wondering if I will ever get there was.

I want to write about TV news, and Boston, and Marvell Edmonson and how now that I’m a little older, I think it all affects me a little differently. And about that guy who cursed on the air and ended up on the Today Show.

I want to write about seeing our friends Steve and Christy and how special they are and how life and God are crazy good sometimes, if you just pay attention.

I want to put together the Origami Owl giveaway for a blog reader.

But, alas.

Life goes on.

I’m out of time.

Maybe, maybe at some point, I will re-open this computer, expand my thoughts, and experience that deep exhale I feel when I write. I miss that feeling so much.

For now, another inhale.

Another day.

Yes, it’s a gift.

But this party is going by too fast.

See y’all later. It’s 9:04 a.m., and I've got to go.

The Day We Shopped Until He Dropped

2013-04-23T06:00:00.000-04:00

This Spring was a long time coming.

A few weeks ago, in an attempt to fake ourselves out that Spring would, in fact, one day come, we went on a shopping trip to get some new, colorful Spring clothes for Michael.

We parked outside of what we thought was an Old Navy, but is actually an Old Navy under construction. We decided we were up for the exercise, so we walked through the mall to Target, and a few other stores.

By the end of the shopping trip, Michael was loaded down as pictured above, full pack-mule style.

He offers to do this, by the way. This is not quad husband abuse.

It's important to note that those Target bags hanging on the back of his chair were LOADED down with heavy things like laundry detergent, dishwashing detergent, trail mix, orange juice...

Okay.
So, we stroll through the mall like this, totally parade style with people parting ways to stare at us like we're the Disney light parade or something. I was just waiting for small children to expect us to throw candy.

I was carrying stuff, too, just so you know. But not this much. :)

We get to the van.
I open it up.
The ramp deploys.

As I'm opening up the passenger door, Michael is wheeling himself up the ramp.

Then... ever so not-panicky... he says, "Um...."
And I look over.
And I see him, FALLING BACKWARDS but really, really slowly.

So, I walk behind him, and very slowly, his head plops down in my chest, and like the Sumo wrestler that I currently am, I muscled Michael, the wheelchair, and all of that heavy stuff that caused him to fall backwards so easily, upright.

I'm thinking it was about 240 lbs. I'm no math whiz, but it was a lot. I'm also clearly no physics whiz either!

There was a couple driving by in a mini-van, just looking.
Like, "something's not right here..."

I was so proud of myself that I didn't have to ask for help! I get a rush out of that. It's not healthy.

I got Michael tied down, started to drive away, and then I started shaking, a little.

Glad he didn't hit his head.

I have no idea how he fell so slowly and not-dramatically. Full Michael style.

I'm Married To A... Quadriplegic

2013-04-21T20:56:00.000-04:00

Michael and I haven't been able to talk about it, but we are very excited to share with all of you that we are going to be featured in an episode of VH1's "I'm Married To A..."

The season premieres tonight at 10pm ET.
We don't know yet the specific date of our episode, but when I get that information, you can be sure I will pass it along to you!

This opportunity kind of came out of nowhere. They found us through our blog, and all of a sudden, we were doing a casting video.

I was just sure that we were going to be too old, I was going to be too fat, and Brokaw was going to be too crazy for us to get picked.

But we were picked!

So - remember when we moved, and you all thought I was so awesome for getting our place put together in like a week? Yeah. Nothing like having a reality TV crew arriving to make you get your act together!

I'm a TV producer for a living. Y'all know this, right?
Well.
Let me tell you.
Being on the other side of the camera, being produced myself, was such an interesting experience.
I can't say enough nice things about the crew.
They were so great.
Brokaw was seriously sad when the one crew member who constantly took him on walks was gone.

Y'all know we are pretty conservative people. I know a lot of y'all are too.
So, I want to be real with you about this show. There are some couples and story lines in the show that are out there.

I told the producers that we are going to be so boring!! Haha.

But - know this.
We decided it was something we wanted to be a part of, to share with the world that yes, while our circumstances may be different than the norm - we are so much like everyone else, and we face challenges like everyone else, and at the root of it all, we're just a couple in love.

I hope you will check the show out!
We totally upgraded our cable package so we don't miss it.

Here are a couple of trailers for the show.
This one is an extended set of clips from the season. We are at about 1:25 on this one.

I'm Married To A...

This one is a "First Look." We are at about : 20 in on this one.

I'm Married To A...

Color Vibe 5K, Who's In?

2013-04-17T06:00:00.000-04:00

I'm so happy to be working out again, and getting back in shape.

I've been wanting to do one of these Color Vibe 5K's, because it looks like a ton of fun to be sprayed with a bunch of paint, run as part of a team, plus a 5K isn't crazy hard, and I should realistically be able to be ready by July 20th.

If you're in the Hampton Roads area and would like to join us on our team, you can sign up and register here. Our team name is "No Luck, Only Sacrifice," in honor of our friend Sgt. Derek McConnell.

I'd love to get back in shape, in Derek's name. I think he would have liked that.
So - if you're local - and would like to sign up, you can click on that link up there, and if you need the password for the team, just email me: danabrownritter@gmail.com, and I'll get it to you!

On Taking Out The Trash

2013-04-16T06:00:00.000-04:00

You see this picture, here?
It looks like a trash can, right?

Well, it's not just that.
It's so much more.

Because my husband put it there.
My husband, who is paralyzed from the chest down, thank you very much.

This is how this went down.

I got a text message with the above picture and the caption, "Your hubby took out the trash."
To which, I replied, of course, "Whoa. How did u do that?"
Michael's answer: "Awesomeness."

I LOVE HIM!

I immediately started imagining how in the world he did this, without landing on the ground, covered in trash, Brokaw rolling around in it and eating coffee grounds.

Then, I stopped myself.
And I just enjoyed the simple beauty that is the fact that my husband took the trash can to the curb.

This is one of those little things that I don't think about a lot, but I just do over and over, and I assumed I would do it over and over for years and years until we had a kid, and that kid was old enough/strong enough/probably paid in some way to take the trash out to the curb.

But just like this, on a random Thursday morning, my world changed.

I'm not saying he will always take the trash out, or that I expect him to. That's totally not the point.

The point is that I am so blessed to be married to a guy who never gives up, never stops getting better, getting stronger, and finding ways to take care of me.

I love the trash guy.

And for the record, I still can't figure out how he did it.

Seven Years of Turkey Legs

2013-04-15T05:41:00.000-04:00

Today is Brokaw's 7th birthday!

I can't believe this little guy has been in my life for 7 years. He still acts like a puppy.
And that's totally my fault.
I love him too much.

Giveaway: Thirty One Large Utility Tote

2013-04-14T14:11:00.000-04:00

Hello, friends! Remember when I wrote my eBook, launched it, then completely fell off the earth?

Yeah.
About that.

I'm sorry.
You know that phrase, "you bit off more than you could chew?"
Welcome to my life.

Anyway.
I'm back!
And I have a really fun giveaway to share with you today!

It's a Large Utility Tote from Thirty One.

I actually have one of these bags, and it is great! I've used it for trips, moving, groceries, you name it.

It's big enough to hold lots of stuff, but it also collapses for easy storage!

I have to thank my friend Heather for sponsoring this giveaway. Heather is a caregiver to her boyfriend, Colin, who is a paraplegic. We had the honor of meeting them last year and they are a great couple.

You can check out Heather and Colin's blog here.

And Heather's Thirty One shop here.

Now, here's the deal with this Giveaway.

All you have to do is buy the eBook (it's totally fine if you've already bought it) and send me a receipt to my email: danabrownritter@gmail.com.

You can buy the book here.

I'll keep this giveaway open until 12:00pm on Thursday, April 18th, and I'll announce the winner on Friday, April 19th.

I will just choose the winner randomly.

If you've participated in other eBook related giveaways, that's totally fine! Feel free to enter this one, too!

I want to thank y'all so much for all of your support with the eBook project, and these giveaways are just a fun way to do that.

Cherry Blossoms in our own Neighborhood

2013-04-10T08:21:00.001-04:00

This morning I took Brokaw for a walk in our neighborhood. It was beautiful. I wanted to share a few pictures of the cherry blossom trees with you. I hope you enjoy.

Happy Spring!

2013-04-06T08:23:00.002-04:00

Good morning from my spot on the couch!
It's been a while.

I really miss blogging. I wish I had more time to do it, but unfortunately there are lots of super fun adult things I need to do like vacuum out my SUV, taxes, and chop vegetables.

I should go to the gym today, but I don't know if I will. Someone, please - make me! Recently, my sister and I bought Cross Fit Groupons, but I feel like I need to go to the gym a few times before going there to try it. You know, kind of like how you have to clean your house before the cleaning lady comes?

There is a little brown dog beside me who won't get more than 6 inches away from me. I think he seriously thought we were never coming home.

The washer and dryer are humming, catching up on all that vacation laundry.

I hope to finish Joni & Ken's book today. It was released the other day. It hits home so hard, I've had to put it down a couple of times and walk away.

Oh, and remember my eBook? Yeah... well, I still have some giveaways to do to promote it. Kind of dropped the ball on those. Hopefully you'll see them on here soon - or maybe I'll just keep teasing it and never actually doing anything.

Eeek.
Cheers.
Happy Saturday!

Goodbye, Vacation

2013-04-05T08:10:00.002-04:00

Good morning from the green chair/ottoman near the window of the Hilton Garden Inn in Charleston, SC.

I have a hot cup of Maxwell (oy) beside me, the Today Show on TV (double oy) and a sleeping husband under a pile of blankets on the king sized bed in the middle of this accessible room.

I love him.

I love that he wanted me to wake up early, get some coffee, and have some time to myself, before starting the day.

Before taking care of him.

Before dealing with things like bed bags, and gait belts, and lantiseptic.
Bless his heart.

This is our last full day of vacation, and I’m exhausted.
Overwhelmed with joy.
Reminded of what it’s like to fall in love with Michael.

We fell in love and became an us during a series of vacations.
Texas.
Arkansas.
North Carolina.
Virginia Beach.
DC.

All adventures that weren’t crowded with work and demands of every day life.
Apparently, that’s the environment where we do best.

Great. Because that’s sustainable, right?

We’re going home this afternoon.
I miss Brokaw.
He is my best good buddy, and I just know that he’s shed two thirds of his fur on top of the arm chair in the living room.

Tomorrow morning, I’ll be on a manager-on-call conference call, performing my husband’s bathroom routine, dealing with a barking dog, and washing that puggle hair covered chair cover.

Bliss.

I want to find more balance in my life.
I know, doesn’t everyone?

But - seriously.
Since we’ve moved, I have become SO focused on my job. Which is great. I love my job.

But, recently, I've learned that it’s not the JOB that makes me obsessed with work, even while I’m not there. It’s ME.
That kind of sucks, because I don’t like to be the root of any problem.
But, it’s also kind of great, because I can do something about it.

Now, I just need to figure out what to do.

This Is Not Okay

2013-03-26T20:27:00.000-04:00

I just don't know if I can get past this.

I keep feeling numb. And empty. And angry. And just... stumped.

Even now, I stare at this empty computer screen. Knowing. Knowing that I need to write about this in order to be able to move on. In order to process the pain. In order to honor my friend.

And yet, nothing comes out.

Because, as Siobhan says, there are no words.

The other day, I went to Target. I simultaneously bought two cards to celebrate the upcoming birth of my little brother's baby boy, and two sympathy cards.

Disbelief.

Why am I standing in this aisle at Target, staring at sympathy cards? Sympathy cards, in their sea of light blue, and silver, and italics. Like any piece of paper can do a loss like this justice. Sympathy cards are the worst. How in the world can the writers at Hallmark know what to say any better than we do? How in the world do you comfort a mother, and a fiance who shouldn't be saying goodbye?

I bought two cards, anyway. I hate them. I hate this whole situation.

Tomorrow, Michael and I will get up early, and drive to Walter Reed to go to Derek's honor ceremony. I am just sick to my stomach thinking about it.

I can't imagine driving through that gate... without bringing a bunch of food for him and Krystina. Without laughing with them, and hanging out, sharing stories, and reading Derek's writing, and talking about politics.

I was standing in the kitchen last week when I got the text message from his mom that he had passed away. The no-words thing started then. I couldn't form words. I just walked into the living room, and handed Michael my phone. Within seconds, I was on my knees on the floor, my head in Michael's lap, crying. He stroked my hair. He wrote text messages I couldn't, and he was so strong for me.

I called my mom, and we wept. I called my sister. Michael called my dad.
I knew I had to get a hold of my brother, who is overseas.

I had to go to work that night. I didn't even bother with make-up.
I remember sitting in my SUV in the driveway, seeing the garage door close on the van that Derek and Krystina gave us.

I'll never forget that day I was in my hotel room in Salt Lake City, and my phone rang and it was Derek, telling us they were going to give us the van. What an unbelievable, life-changing blessing it has been in our lives.

The song playing on the radio as I drove to work that night went something like: "You make all things work together for my good," it was that song "Your Love Never Fails."

Songs like this in times like this are tough. Because sometimes, no matter how deep and strong your faith is, it's SO HARD to believe, because things like this are not okay!

It's not okay that Derek, a healthy, strong, young man stepped on two IEDs in Afghanistan, was blown up, went through SO MUCH to fight to keep his life, only to lose it out of nowhere.

It's not okay that a week ago, Krystina was planning her dream wedding, and now she is canceling everything, and saying goodbye.

It's not okay that Siobhan has lost so much, her life, her job - getting Derek to where he was, and now next week, she will be handed a folded flag.

It's not okay that Jessica Allen has to tell her two little girls that Derek is gone.

It's not okay that I have to tell my brother that his Army brother is gone.

It's not okay that I will know this name when it pops up in my work email inbox as a DOD casualty notification.

It's not okay for Derek. It's not okay for any of these young men and women. It's not okay for their families and their friends and the medical teams that work so tirelessly to save them, and their military brothers and sisters that they serve with.

It's not okay!

This sucks!

And I do have faith. I do. I do believe that Derek is whole now, is not hurting, and is at peace. I do believe that all things work together for good in the end. But right now, it doesn't feel good. Right now, it's not okay.

And I don't know when it will be okay.

I know this.
I am changed for knowing Derek. And Krystina and Siobhan.
I am changed, for the better.

I know that for the wounded, the fight never ends.
I want to always be a part of the healing.
And I challenge you to be a part of it, too.

We have to take care of our warriors, you guys! We MUST.

Grieving the Loss of our Wounded Warrior

2013-03-19T09:06:00.000-04:00

Last night we received word that our friend Derek had passed away.

We met Derek in summer of 2011 when he was admitted to Walter Reed in Maryland. He was injured in an IED blast in Afghanistan serving with Chris, Dana's brother.

In the first few months Derek's mom and girlfriend hardly left his bedside. They ate cafeteria food or fast food and slept in the base motel or his room. We took them meals, visited them, and did our best to encourage them.

To say Derek was injured doesn't do him justice. He lost both legs and almost lost his right arm. Doctors pulled off a medical marvel piecing him together. But he worked tirelessly the past two years.

Alongside were Siobhan and Krystina. They were there for Derek and others in the ward. They supported their fellow warriors and their families. They lived through the victories and hardships.

The past year--despite many medical and bureaucratic hurdles--his life, no, their lives moved forward.

Siobhan moved home, but was still around.

Derek proposed to Krystina. They moved to an apartment. He learned to walk on prosthetics. They received a new, wheelchair-accessible van (giving us their old one). They planned their discharge in the next few weeks. They planned their dream wedding. They were going home!

But Monday morning Krystina was unable to wake Derek.

In tribute she wrote,

You gave me the best 6 years I could have ever asked for with someone. I know you'll always be with me. I tried everything I could to help you today. I hope you know that, I'm so sorry. :[ I will always love you.

Caregivers pour so much of their lives into their loved one. In the midst of being attendant, advocate, and cook they still remain parent, lover, spouse, or friend.

We grieve with Krystina and Siobhan and their family in their loss. They have worked so hard these two and a half years toward his homecoming. It isn't fair. They deserve his homecoming and their future.

While our lives go on, they are left with a chasm of indescribable loss. We ache for them. We are angry for them. We stand with them. We love them.

On Intimacy, And Being Married to Your Best Friend

2013-03-16T07:42:00.000-04:00

Sometimes, I feel like we've been married forever, and I can't even remember what my life was like before.

Sometimes he says something and I think, "Who are you?" because I feel like even now, coming up on 4 years of marriage, we're still getting to know each other.

But, we've been together long enough for me to know:

-that he likes salt on his fries
-that he is fiercely protective of me, he even tries to protect me from myself
-that he is really sweet, down to his core, and it comes naturally to him
-that if he's mad or frustrated or short-fused, something is up
-that God, a good talk, and a glass of wine can fix a lot

We have had a lot going on lately. Especially with transitioning to a new place, and my new job which means being up at crazy hours. Michael has been such a champ.

I hate to see anything mess with him. It makes me want to get out my baseball bat. And I happen to have an awesome swing.

I want to obliterate anyone/anything that makes life difficult for him.
And, sometimes, if I can, I do.

But there are sometimes that we can't fight our spouse's battles physically.
But - we can pray!

Last night, Michael shared something he was going through recently with me, along with this verse:

James 4:10: Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up."

We ended up having a deep conversation about things that we are both going through.
The way best friends do.

I am forever thankful for our ability to have that kind of intimacy.
It is a gift.

Now - I'm going to go get my best friend up for the day, and I'm going to see to it that he gets out of this house, and has some FUN today! I think I'm going to buy him a prize or two, too.

He deserves it.
I look up to him more than he realizes, and I learn from him all the time.

Chocolate Cream 3.14

2013-03-14T20:09:00.001-04:00

Today a lot of friends posted about the date being 3/14.

In math 3.14 is a magical number Pi.

I posted in Facebook I was craving some "chocolate cream 3.14".

Look what my awesome wife brought home!