But first of all, let me tell you all this from the very beginning on…his name is Lee, and I remember the exact day when we got to know each other; a day that I will always keep in mind: the 8th April 2007. It was coincidence (or shall I dare saying destiny?) how we met; it was coincidence (destiny) that I found his e-mail address on a site he’d registered on to meet new people on the net. On the net! I never thought that exactly that was going to keep us apart. The internet, the distance.

Lee lives in England, I live in Luxembourg. And I’ve got to say, I never thought that such a “relation” could be possible over distance. But I was wrong. For Lee and me, it is sort of special. We’re both individuals, very different from each other, but we complement each other so well. It’s hard to describe. The first three things I noticed about Lee were that he’s good to talk to, that he’s trustworthy, and that he has a really awesome humour.

Three things that are really important to me. But most important of all…he was there. Not literally…but he was always there for me, in spite of the distance. When I wasn’t feeling well, when I was sad, when I was upset and complaining…when everyone else would’ve stopped caring, Lee didn’t. Lee listened patiently to everything I said, for hours. He gave me advices, cheered me up, calmed me down. I told him about my past, my worries, my inferiority complexes, and he just listened and didn’t seem to care when it was 3 in the morning. And he did make me feel better.

It might sound weird, maybe it sounds even completely insane…but when we had those long, private, deep conversations, there was no distance; he was right with me, he was so close. Lee has always managed to make me laugh until that I have tears of laughter in my eyes. Like I said, he has an awesome humour that is difficult to understand or to accept for some people.Well, when I noticed that I only smiled when I talked to him on MSN and that I went crazy when I couldn’t talk to him, I also realized that this was way more than just a good friendship. I had fallen in love with Lee. I knew it would be too complicated, so I tried to hide it for months and to carry on as if nothing had happened. But the truth just didn’t leave and it got more and more unsupportable for me each day.

So one night, I worked up all my courage and I told him about my feelings. That moment was an awful one, because I really thought I was going to lose him over that. I thought he might think I’ve lost all my sanity. I thought he might say that this just couldn’t be possible. Falling in love over internet is quite critical after all. I really doubted he would ever want something to do with me again.But luckily I was wrong. Lee reacted in such an awesome way. He said we both felt better now that it was out, and that he absolutely wanted to stay friends with me. He said he liked me as a friend but didn’t want a girlfriend at the time.  But he also cared about how I felt about this and told me not to feel guilty whatsoever because we won’t be together. Well, it wasn’t a positive answer, not the one I would’ve dreamed of. But it was a better one than I had expected.

Plus, I NEVER expected him to love me back. So, we tried to let it shoot over us and just move on as usual. He could, but it was very difficult for me.

Then something changed. I started dating some blokes, tried to get my mind off Lee, tried to fall out of love. And he got weird towards me. Suddenly he started cold-shouldering me. It was like talking to a totally different person. The Lee who’d comforted me, calmed me, made me laugh, that I trusted blindly just started belonging to the past. Back then I didn’t know why. He hardly talked to me. And I had no clue what was wrong. I asked him a few times, and soon we started argueing all the time because I told him I had the feeling he was trying to avoid me. I couldn’t accept that he had less time. Even worse, he thought I wasn’t grateful for everything he’d done for me; he was angry because I complained about him not liking me.

One night, we had a terrible row. Lee said he was past caring now that I was questioning our entire friendship, the entire past 6 months we had gotten on so well. We thought it might be better not to keep in touch, well, we didn’t think that actually. But it happened.Lee and me didn’t speak to each other anymore. It was such an awful time for me. At first, I felt kind of free, though. Freed out of that virtual world…I saw the world with new eyes.

But after some time, I realized that something was missing. Something, someone I just couldn’t make it without anymore. And that was Lee. When I laughed, it wasn’t the same anymore. When I cried, it wasn’t the same either. When I was on MSN and saw that he was online without talking to me, I died a hundred times.I felt kind of empty without him. I felt as if a part of me had disappeared. Well, both of us are very stubborn, but after a month or two, I decided to forget about my stubborness for once and make it up to him, because the last thing I wanted was to lose that friendship.

Well, at the beginning we struggled getting along with each other because of all that had happened, but I suppose our friendship was strong enough to hold despite of quite some stuff, and somehow we made it. Our friendship got better and better,  and I was happy.

Happy for having such a wonderful friend.

But one day I noticed something fundamental, something that I didn’t want to notice over all those months: there was only one boy for me and no one else mattered.Well, the thing is, Lee is really one of a kind. He’s a bit special, let me put it that way. He likes joking around a lot, sometimes he makes fun of things you just don’t make fun of, and sometimes he just says the wrong things. A lot of people told me how dumb he was, told me to forget about him, and well, I had tried. It’s true.

I’ve called him an idiot so many times, told him to bugger off; on some days I really hated him and felt like slapping him right in the face…but what am I supposed to do when I realize that I’ve loved him through it all?

When I realize that the other people just don’t have a clue? They don’t. They just can’t imagine what it’s like between Lee and me. They don’t know what we’ve been through. But I, I won’t forget that he’s the one who’s always been there for me when others weren’t. I won’t forget the fact that he makes me laugh, that he makes my day when I feel down.

But most of all, I won’t forget about this trust. There’s hardly anyone I tell as much as I tell Lee. Lee said himself once: “I am your diary.” - It’s true. Once he said he’d like to read my diary, but there’s no point - he knows everything anyway.

Well, apart from one thing of course. That I love him again. Maybe he does know, I tell him from time to time, but somehow I’ve got the feeling that he takes it all for a big joke. How the hell am I supposed to know if he never ever shows his feelings?

Maybe I’m ‘only’ a good friend for him. And our friendship means the world to me, it does. It’s a really really strong friendship that resisted so much already. It resisted when I got on his nerves or when he got on mine…all the time. When I told him I love him the first time. It also resisted when we had all our rows, when we didn’t speak to each other for over a month. It resisted through all the times I hated him. And through all the times I’ve loved him.

Basically, we’ve been to hell and back again, but through it all, he’s always been my best friend. And even more than that. If only I was with him…and there it is again: the fundamental problem I talked about before: the distance.

But probably, we’ll never meet. I’m taking my final exams this year, planning to go to University in England in July 2009. Which is exactly the time when Lee plans to join the army. The timing couldn’t be worse. And that makes me very very sad. I’ve imagined so often what it would be like if we lived in the same town. We could meet up as often as we wanted to. We would probably be even better friends than we are now. And probably we would’ve been long together.

The distance gets more and more unbearable each day…but will we ever have the opportunity to look into each others eyes? Will I ever have the opportunity to hold him in my arms?If this is a story like Romeo and Juliet, I suppose not.

….To be continued?!?….

A month later, right after I started my first semester of college, he saw me on Crystal’s friends’ list on Myspace.com. He remembered me, added me, and we started messaging back and forth. This went on for about a week, but it was three weeks into the semester, he went to the same college, and I had no friends there, so I wanted to get to know him better. I finally got the courage to step it up a notch, and I asked him to add me on Windows Live Messenger (so brave, I know lol). The first night we chatted, I believe it was a Thursday night, our conversation lasted for seven hours!The more I learned about him, as the conversation went on, the more intrigued I was. He was romantic, chivalrous, sweet, thoughtful, and we had so much in common, it was like I had found another me! Absolutely amazing!
I discovered that Crystal had dumped him a few days before. Neither of us believe in rebounds, so we both agreed that if we were going to have any kind of relationship, we would start out as friends, and just see where things went.
We finally called it a night around 3:00 a.m., but not before he asked me out on our first “date,” breakfast at Hardee’s the next morning.

I was so excited that I couldn’t sleep, so I stayed in the dorm computer lab for a while longer. As I messed around on the internet, a young man named Nick Kimmel came into the computer lab. He wasn’t in there for very long, and he asked if I wanted to come back to his room and watch movies. In my Freshman naivete, and eager to make a new friend, I agreed. When we got into his room, I discovered to my horror that he was NOT just being a nice guy, and though I was almost raped, I managed to fight him off and escape to my room, rather shaken but physically unharmed.
I lay in bed that night, crying hard and praying to God (I’m a very religious person) for a good guy, who would love me for who I was and be as much my friend as my lover. I didn’t realize He would answer my prayer so quickly.
I went to breakfast the next morning with Andrew, and we again talked for a very long time. I was nervous at first. He was so tall, around 6′2″, and I was so small, 5′0″. He was a perfect gentleman, though.
As we ate and talked, I studied him. At the age of 22, he was only three years older than me, but he seemed very mature and somewhat old fashioned in his beliefs about life and love. He had what I would call an old soul. I could tell he was growing weary of offering his heart and having it smashed, and he seemed very guarded as well. But he was also friendly, and sweet. We hit it off immediately, and so agreed to go hunting the next Monday when we came back for the next week of classes.
Andrew quickly became my best friend. My first impression of him was accurate at the time, but there was so much more to him than that. He loved  to sing, and we’d do loud, obnoxious duets in the car on the way out to our favorite hunting spots. He was mature and steady when the situation called for it, but he was also very fun loving, and he knew that there are times to be silly and just let go and be yourself. He lived and breathed hunting and fishing, just like I did. We found that getting out and enjoying nature was the one way we could be our closest to the God who created it all.
We did almost everything together: homework, studying, running errands, hanging out, doing all kinds of outdoor activities. We even ended up working together as tutors at the campus student support service. As a side job, he stocked chips and pizzas at Wal*Mart and Hy-Vee, and I’d tag along and help out.
He was so handsome, so funny, so giving, and kind. Not just to me, but to everyone. He was one of those nice guys that everyone overlooked. And I soon realized that I was really growing to care for him, far more than I wanted to admit.

I ended up blurting it out to him one night after he’d had a bad day. We were talking online, like we did every night before we went to bed, and he was upset because he felt like nothing he did was making anyone happy; because all of his friends seemed to be kicking him out of their lives; because no woman would ever just love him for who he was.
And I asked him, “Why can’t you just let me love you?”
His response was no surprise. “YOU LOVE ME???”
I then just threw in the towel and told him everything. How I loved his beautiful blue eyes, his soft brown hair, his contagious laugh, how he could brighten my day with a simple smile. That I loved how I could be my crazy, silly, goofy self, and he may look at me funny for a moment, but soon, he would be right there with me, laughing and joking and having a good time.
I had indeed fallen in love. With my best friend.
He gently told me that while he cared deeply about me, he didn’t quite feel the same way. He was still in a lot of pain from his last relationship and wasn’t sure if he wanted to risk getting hurt again so soon. And I understood completely. I just wanted to be there for him and wanted him to know I cared.

I didn’t realize how hard it would be, though. Things were a little awkward the first couple of days after I had admitted everything to him, but we soon settled back into our old routine. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize how overwhelming my feelings would be, once I knew that he knew how I felt.
To put it mildly, it was Hell. Whoever said, “The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting next to them unable to hold them or kiss them,” knew exactly what they were talking about. What I didn’t realize was that he wasn’t being completely honest with me.
I began noticing some odd behavior. A lingering look into my eyes here, an accidental-on-purpose brush against my arm there. How gently he’d kiss my cheek every time we said good-bye. I’ll never forget one night, in early November. We’d both been so busy all week that we’d barely had time to see each other. I had gone straight home for the weekend instead of spending that Friday night helping Andrew stock chips. My mother was preparing to drive me back up Sunday evening to college, when Andrew called and asked where we were. We told him, and since his town was halfway between my home and my destination, he offered to meet us halfway, and if I helped him stock pizzas and chips at Wal*Mart, he’d drive me the rest of the way to Trenton. Well, my mother dropped me off with him, and we were goofing off after we’d finished stocking. We were in the sporting goods aisle, and I was staring in disinterest at turkey calls when he came up behind me, wrapped his arms around me, gave me a gentle squeeze and said that he’d missed me. Which resulted in an unbelievable explosion of butterflies, but it was nothing compared to half an hour later as we were preparing to leave.
We were pulling out of the parking lot, had stopped at a stop sign, and I was looking out the window for oncoming cars. I felt Andrew softly touch my cheek with one finger. I turned to look at him, and we gazed into each other’s eyes. “I missed you,” he whispered softly.
“I missed you too,” I whispered back. Then he leaned closer, and gently, oh so gently, we kissed , a kiss that gave me goosebumps and made my heart absolutely melt.
He continued to run his fingers through my hair as we drove out of town, and look at me with such a tender expression on his face that I just knew he had to care more than he was letting on. But it wasn’t until a few nights later, when he was driven to tears, that he finally confessed how he really felt.

Another young man had, for some odd reason, attached himself to me. I had never given him any reason at all to believe that we were more than friends, but one evening at work, right in front of Andrew, the guy told me that he was in love with me, and that upset Andrew greatly.
Andrew lived with his parents about 25 miles away from our college town, and he left for home right after Tim confessed his affections for me. Drew called me on his way and told me that if I wanted to date Tim then that was ok and he’d support me in whatever I decided. But he was crying. Something wasn’t right. I asked him what was wrong and he wouldn’t tell me.
I finally got him to explain everything when he got home and we were talking on Windows messenger. I asked him what he wanted to do the next day, and he said he didn’t care. I asked him if he wanted to go to dinner and then go fishing for a while. He said he had to be home early for dinner, which didn’t make sense because he never had to be home early on Monday nights. So, I asked him why he had to be home for dinner early.
“Randi, there’s a reason I don’t want to do anything with you tomorrow. You want to date Tim and that would make things awkward between us.”
That was news to me. I never said I wanted to date Tim.  Chalk one up for Andrew assuming the worst. I made this clear to Andrew.
Then the truth came out: “Randi, I’m in love with you.”
This was followed by my jaw dropping, me fighting back tears of immense, unfathomable joy, and telling him with everything I had that I loved him too.

Unfortunately, this isn’t where the Happily-Ever-After comes in. See, before Andrew had met me, he’d already basically transferred to another college some 200 miles away, because being a few years older than me, he was already almost done with junior college and was ready for the real thing. And in January he did move.
We didn’t give up though. We only got to see each other a couple of times a month. And it was hard. Myspace, Facebook, Windows Messenger, late night phone calls, the occasional visit and unconditional love are what kept us together.

You may wonder what became of us. I’m happy to say that we’ve been together for two years. A year after Andrew moved to Missouri State, I was able to do the same.
Once again, we are able to do almost everything together. And I mean everything. Andrew really is an amazing man. A diamond in the rough. I’m not saying it’s all roses and rainbows and butterflies. Every couple has conflicts, and we have had some BIG ones. But each challenge we work through only brings us closer together and there’s a very good chance that within the next six months, we’ll be engaged.
Not long ago, I found a list in an old box of things at my parents’ home. It was a list I’d made at church camp years ago of everything I wanted in a man. As I read it, I realized that Andrew was everything on that list.
He has truly made me a better person. I used to be very introverted, shy, timid. I didn’t like being around people and kept to myself until I met My Drew. Now I’m outgoing, love meeting new people and making new friends, and I’m not terrified to take a chance and strike out on my own. Of course he still thinks he is my big protector and if any guy so much as looks at me weird, Andrew asks if he wants me to kick some butt, but that’s understandable lol. (I generally say ”No” to that question, by the way.)
Andrew is my other half. He is the best friend I’ve ever had, and the biggest crush I’ve ever had. He is my comfort when I’m afraid or sad. He is the one person who has always been there for me, no matter the cost or the consequences. He is the love of my life. He is…my knight in shining armor.

If I Could Write a Love Story

If saying forever is naive then I’ll stay naive for the rest of my life

If eternity is stupid, then I’ll be stupid forever

But if it’s for a while then I’ll make our time eternal

So it will never end

- Fabian Herrera

Crash! Right into a Powerade machine, That was the sound I made the first time I realized I loved her we were just kids in the eighth grade but still I knew I loved her ‘’kind of’’ . At the time we were just friends but I knew I wanted to be more than just friends my best friend who has the reasoning of a monkey said ’’go for it’’ I said ‘’yeah easier said than done’’. So I stayed quit never knowing that at the time of the crash she felt the same way. A month passed and I stayed quite never knowing but always wondering. Until she started to write the initials of the guy she liked. I Remember telling her he must be pretty stupid probably the dumbest in the world she would always say yeah he really is. Well One fateful day I woke up with the determination to find out who this mystery guy was. So in one of our classes I started to ask questions about the so called guy without asking distinguishing facts about me she answered all of my questions like if she didn’t know what I was doing. At this point I thought to myself its not me that’s when I showed her my bracelet and told her look these our my initials they mean Fabian Armando Herrera. That’s when I asked her what do yours mean she blushed and didn’t answer. Well the bell rang and I left the class with nothing but despair and a sense of emptiness in the pit of my stomach knowing that I would have to see her in my next class which at this point I felt it embarrassing to be in her presence. As I was walking I told myself I should at least figure out who beat me to the girl who I wanted for so long. I walked into class sat down and pondered about what the initials could mean I looked at my bracelet and then the initials for about five minutes into the class. That’s when the wires in my brain connected. “Its Me’’! “Its Me’’! I shouted as the teacher gave me detention for not shutting up, but I didn’t care I’ll never forget the smile she gave me. But it was to late school was about to end. Summer sucked all I could think about was her. My days were just filled with regret. Days passed my love for her grew. Then school came around I remember that for the first week all I was doing was looking for her. Telling myself please remember me. that’s when I found her I remember all I did was stare into her beautiful brown eyes not realizing she was doing the same and all we said was hi bye and that was it. I remember hitting my head in the Powerade machine all while countless people watched and asked ”is he OK”! as if I was mental at this point maybe I was but I felt like if her feelings for me were gone . Our next encounter was different I was determined to find out if she still liked or if there was hope. I knew I had to be discrete that’s when I blurted out do you still like me, talk about discrete. Anyway she answered no! I felt like my heart broke into a million tiny pieces. Then she told me something I would never forget she said’’ no I don’t like you I love you’’ At this point I screamed to the heavens forgetting that one of her friends was there and that we weren’t alone and how foolish I looked but I didn’t care. Funny thing is I didn’t ask her to be mine till a week later because I wanted it to be unforgettable and it was. September 22,2008 was and is the greatest day of my life. There was this field trip to go to UCLA and watch the football game on Saturday my plan was set. I would go and ask her as we were entering the stadium under the lights the problem was getting the permission slip only one teacher had one left. Man I’ll never forget all the extra homework I had to do to get this thing, But it was worth it. Finally Saturday came I sat right next to her on the bus. Out of this field trip I only remember two things the first was when she said yes the gleaming lights made her eyes sparkle like the full moon above our heads the way her face brightened truly unforgettable. The second thing I remember was our first kiss. It was midnight the busses got delayed and there was traffic going back home like there always is in LA. I kissed her on the forehead and was about to kiss her when she just kissed me it was the most magical kiss ever. People say we’re young and we can’t use the word love but let me tell you if we can’t use the word love who can . So we do know what love is. Funny thing is I said forever she agreed and we’re still working on Wow! if I could write a love story it would go like this.

- Fabian. A .Herrera

We talked for what seemed like all day, until my mother pulled me off of the computer in the middle of the night, but we exchanged emails and arranged to talk again the next day. So we did, everyday for the rest of the summer. We would talk for aslong as our differing time zones would allow. I would stay up all night one day, and he would stay up all night the next day. We shared everything, dreams, interests, troubles, I felt an extremely strong fondness for this person, yet I had never met him, I didnt even know what he looked like!

We returned to school but continued emailing every day and talking every weekend. I would jump out of bed half an hour early every morning just to email him and rush home from school at 3pm knowing there would be an email waiting for me in reply. I had butterfly’s in my stomach every time, egarly waiting to see what he had written and what new things I would learn about my american friend today. A few months had passed since we met and we decided to airmail eachother pictures as this was long before the days of digital camera’s. We exchanged addresses and wrote eachother a letter accompanied by some photographs. He recieved mine first, I was so nervous that he would think I was ugly and stop talking to me, I was small with bright red hair and pale skin, a combination that was nothing short of a curse in high school. A few weeks later I recieved his letter. My mum woke me up saying, “Gemma, theres a letter here from america for you”. I distinctly remember my heart nearly exploading and i’m sure I made it out of bed in record time. I opened the package and couldnt believe my eyes, he was gorgeous! not that it really even mattered, I had grown so fond of my new friend that nothing would have stopped me tlaking to him. I felt my heart melt when I saw his pictures, followed by a moment of sadness that the only boy in the world who truely appreciated me, was so far away.

I had never had a boyfriend, I had crushes on people in school but, I never had much interest in the opposite sex, unlike all my friends. I was too busy dancing or singing for that. One day however, I was at a friends sleepover and everybody was discussing there latest ‘crush’. I had breifly spoken about my electronic pen friend from the states before, but for the most part, I had kept him to myself. At that moment I realised I had an incredibly jittery feeling every time he entered my head, or maybe because he never left my head. I admitted to my friends that I couldnt stop thinking about him and met a mixed reaction from “ohhh thats so sweet” to “dream on, he’s in america, its not like you’ll ever meet”. Essentially they all thought I was a crazy little kid with my head in the clouds. Maybe I was, but I would dream every day of meeting my friend, that maybe somehow we would suprise everyone. He was special to me, and despite all the negative words, I wasnt willing to give up on that ‘what if’.

By the time we were nearly 16 we had drifted alittle, I was constantly going to dance classes and we were occupied with other ‘real life’ destractions, eventually we lost contact. I never stopped thinking about him, he would pop into my head and I would feel disspaointed in myself for not making more effort to email him and stay in touch, but we never forgot. So when I was 17, I randomly emailed ‘Sniper’ to see if he would reply. Sure enough a few days later I got a message back, and before we knew it we were talking online catching up and sharing all the new experiences we had with eachother. I felt like I was 13 all over again, and I remembered exactly why I loved this boy so much, and vowed I would never let him slip out of my life again, even if we were only ever destined to be life long internet companions.

We continued talking for the next 5 years, some weeks more than others. We helped eachother through breaks ups, family troubles, everything that we went through we shared with the other person, he knew everything about me. By the time I was 19 years old I had been with a couple of boyfriends, failed experiences. Everytime I talked to ‘Nick’ I felt a growing need to tell him how I really felt about him. I had always been to scared to tell him I thought he was gorgeous and that on some level I was sure, somehow, I loved him. Eventually, with alittle help from Nicks friend, we ended up admitting how we felt, I told him I loved him and he said the same back, it didnt change anything, we still couldnt be together, we were an ocean apart and neither of us had money to visit the other. But we knew how we felt and for the time being it was enough. Just to know I had him there and that he felt the same, settled me.

We continued with our lives, persued more doomed relationships, shared more experiences. Until at the beginning of 2008, I recieved some unexpected financial help. I wasnt sure what to do with the money, I decorated my bedroom, bought some new clothes, and just pondered my possibilities. Till one night when I was talking to Nick online, I told him I was coming to Texas, if he would have me. As soon as I said it I felt sick, nervous, worried, scared. I remember thinking, oh my goodness Gemma did you mean that! what are you going to do now? We had idley talked of meeting up before, even attempted arranging it but nothing had ever come through, so I am sure at that point neither me or Nick were truely convinced it would actually happen. Nick seemed reluctant to pick me up from the airport 3 hours from his home and I was petrified of flying alone. But something happened, something clicked, Nick decided he would make the drive to the airport and said “lets do this”. I nearly fell of my chair, but his confidence gave me confidence and I booked a flight, dragging my best friend Selina with me for the ride.

We had to visit during spring break, which was only 3 days away, so from the moment we booked our flight, there wasnt much oppertunity for everything to sink in. It wasnt untill I was on the plane to Houston, I remember turning to Selina and saying “Sel, im going to meet Nick!” and im sure thats the moment it hit me. I was hyperactive in the airport, fiddling with my hair, trying not to freak out so bad that I was carted off by security. It seemed to take an age to get through passport control and im sure the immigration officer thought I was on drugs because I was so excited. Consumed by nerves as I walked out of the airport with my luggage, I scanned round to look for Nick, praying to god that I would recognise him in person! Then there he was, strolling up to me in his white T and Corona cap. I totally froze, I didnt know what to say or do, hug? hand shake? smile? help!…..

I barely remember what words came out of my mouth, all that I could think about was, thats Nick, after nearly 10 years, your in Texas, and he is real. He was quiet for the ride home, talking to his 2 friends who joined him to pick us up. I think we were both alittle shocked to be honest, but it didnt take long, that night when everyone was asleep, we sat on his couch, talking, for the first time in person, having one of our ‘chats’, just like it was over the computer, but this time, it was all real. I wanted to hug him so tight but I couldnt, I didnt know if he wanted me to? did he like me like that? or was i a dissapointment? He was so gorgeous, he was better looking in person that in his pics (and he was gorgeous in his pics!)

We grew closer as the time passed, I was in Texas for 5 days and by the 4th night, I was devestated I had to leave, desperately trying not to think about having to go back to talking online, half a world away. I couldnt bare it, Nick would wake me up every time I started to fall asleep saying “dont fall asleep, we only have a few more hours”. I could barely breathe on the drive to the airport, I couldn’t speak, I just sat quitely, sleeping here and there when I could. I had never wanted to cry so much in my life. I sucked in as much air as I could before saying goodbye, just praying that I could hold my tears long enough to get through the doors of the airport. I had the most amazing 5 days of my life, yet my heart was breaking. How was I ment to carry on at home now? just forget? pretend I dont love him?

The plane ride home was the worst, every second I knew I was further away, never knowing when I would get to see Nick again. I was home, and the only good thing about that was seeing my dog. As soon as I got back after my 17 hour journey, I put my computer on and checked my emails desperate to see the name Nick Cantu in my inbox.

“I’m back to my normal little life, although it will never be the same this time round. Thankyou for the years of unconditional love and loyalty, thankyou for an amazing few days sweetheart. Just plain thankyou for everything (maybe I do have a reason to carry on with my life much more enthusiasticlly now, an oh! what a spledid reason it is!)”

I read that, and I broke down. How cruel life seemed to be to put such a vast space between us. I had to find a way to overcome it. So I went back, back to Texas, back to Nick. I couldnt let that be it. We agreed to get engaged, and to be together no matter what, no matter how much effort or hard work it would be, we would find a way, because its what we wanted, because I loved him.

Since that time, Nick has visited my home in London, met my family and I have spent more time in Texas. We planned to marry in November, but after spending 6 weeks in London with me, Nick and I faced 3 months apart before our wedding. I had to work to help pay for venues and visa’s, and Nick had to spend time with his family. We decided in the face of seperation, to bring our wedding forward. I would go back to Texas with Nick, and we would get married. Nick’s family helped us plan an intimate ceremony and reception within the space of a week, and it was perfect. Fancy venues, flowers, dresses, cakes, no longer mattered. We just wanted to be together, to never have to say goodbye again.

We married at sunset on the 14th of June 2008.

He’s from    India

Myself shinna. Vikky and i, met on intranet in office one year back. I was 25 and he was 26.Though we were quite mature but still “Love is blind”.

I and him were working in same company but at diffrent location.One day I find a colleuge of mine have same surname as i have. It was 30th dec, so i decided to sent him a mail to wish New year. I sent him a mail and got reply in 4 hrs.But as i didnt want to talk to him everyday or make him friend, i didnt reply him.

Days passed, neighter I nor he mailed me. After 20 days , he sent me a mail . As a courtesy i also sent him a mail . Than he sent me a mail with compliment good one , gr8. But we didnt start talking to each other for so many days. Finaly after  a month he asked me abt me and my family thn we start talking. then i given my no to him .

Once he got my number he started smsing me in wish of talking to me on sms after our office hrs. Firstly we talk on sms thogh he had my number but he never called me, but we start chatting every day atleast for hour or two. He showed me his wish to meet me with the clear intention to make love but i am not agreed upon it as i am a girl who want to be of his hubbies only, i didnt want to fall in love at all.Then he said when you will call me only then i ll come to your city.

Then we start calling each other , we talked for quite sometime but very formally. He proposed me to come with my friends to middle of the country to celebrate chrismas that way we can meet eachother but i simply refuse but yes, it was the time when i start loving him and really wanted to get married to him. As he was the elder son of the family and doesnt have parents. He live with them and want he should go for love marriage. Then he said if my sister get married first then i ll marry you by going against my grantparents.

He started searching a guy for her sister but was not succeed, before his sister got married his family received a alliance for him , but he refuse to his family by saying i want my sister marriage to be first. Then girl agreed to wait till his sister got married.That day we were talking to eachother on mail , He asked me what if next month i got married.I said than i ll be happy for you but you have to explaine your courtship days to me as we promissed .Suddenly he said i am saying’yes to that girl’. I thought he is joking than i called him very next day to confirm. He said i am gonna get engage with a girl of my grandparents choice. i congratulate him and wish him for great married life.

But i never told him reality that i was crying for whole night. I called my friend to tell that he is getting married and cryed in front of him for an hour . Now even we talk for sometime . He must be happy with her but he never told me about his relation.But i even today check my mail box with the hope that he will mail me or sms me. One day he will come back to me.

Shinna