Love Men To Men

What are the most healthful vegetables?

2020-11-27T18:05:00.000-08:00

All vegetables contain healthful vitamins, minerals, and fiber. However, some stand out for their exceptional health benefits.

Some individuals benefit more from certain vegetables than others, depending on their diet, overall health, and nutritional needs.

In this article, we list 15 of the most healthful vegetables, along with some tips to help people enjoy them as part of a balanced diet.

1. Broccoli

Broccoli is an incredibly healthful vegetable that belongs to the same family as cabbage, kale, and cauliflower. These are all cruciferous vegetables.

Each cup of chopped and boiled broccoli contains:
- 55 calories
- the full daily requirement for vitamin K
- twice the daily recommended amount of vitamin C

Eating plenty of cruciferous vegetables may reduce the risk of cancer, which may be because these vegetables contain sulforaphane. In animal research, sulforaphane reduced the size and number of breast cancer cells and blocked tumor growth.

2. Tomatoes

Although tomatoes are technically a fruit, most people treat them as a vegetable. Each cup of chopped raw tomatoes contains:
- 32 calories
- 427 milligrams of potassium
- 24.7 milligrams of vitamin C

Tomatoes contain lycopene, which is a powerful antioxidant that may play a role in cancer prevention. Research suggests that lycopene can help prevent prostate cancer. The beta-carotene in tomatoes also has anticancer effects.

Other potent antioxidants in tomatoes, such as lutein and zeaxanthin, may protect vision. The Age-Related Eye Disease Study reports that people who have high dietary intakes of these substances have a 25 percent reduced risk of age-related macular degeneration.

3. Carrots

Each cup of chopped carrots contains 52 calories and over four times an adult’s daily recommended intake of vitamin A in the form of beta-carotene.

Vitamin A is vital for healthy eyesight, and getting enough of this nutrient may help prevent vision loss.

Certain nutrients in carrots may also have cancer-fighting properties. A 2011 study reports that carrot juice extract may kill or inhibit the growth of leukemia cells.

4. Onions

Each cup of chopped onions provides:
- 64 calories
- vitamin C
- vitamin B-6
- manganese

Onions and other allium vegetables, including garlic, contain sulfur compounds. These may help protect against cancer.

In other research, men with the highest intakes of allium vegetables had the lowest risk of prostate cancer. Also, regular consumption of onions and other allium vegetables may reduce esophageal and stomach cancer risks.

5. Bell peppers

Sweet bell peppers are commonly available in red, yellow, or orange varieties. Unripe, green peppers are also popular, but these taste less sweet than other colors.

A cup of chopped red bell peppers provides:
- 39 calories
- 190 milligrams of vitamin C
- 0.434 milligrams of vitamin B-6
- folate
- beta-carotene, which the body converts into vitamin A

Antioxidants present in bell peppers include capsanthin, quercetin, and lutein (in the green variety), which protects vision.

6. Cauliflower

One cup of chopped cauliflower contains:
- 27 calories
- plenty of vitamin C
- vitamin K
- fiber

Dietary fiber boosts a person’s heart and gut health, preventing digestive issues and reducing obesity.

Cauliflower and other cruciferous vegetables contain an antioxidant called indole-3-carbinol (I3C). I3C may reduce cancers of the breast and reproductive systems in both men and women.

Much like broccoli, cauliflower contains another potential anticancer compound: sulforaphane.

7. Garlic

Garlic has long been used in both cooking and medicine. Each garlic clove contains just 4 calories and is low in vitamins and minerals.

Garlic is a natural antibiotic. A compound in garlic, called diallyl sulfide, may be more effective than two popular antibiotics for fighting the Campylobacter bacterium, according to a lab-based study from 2012.

8. Peas

Peas are sweet, starchy vegetables that provide 134 calories per cooked cup. They are also high in:
- fiber, at 9 grams per serving
- protein, at 9 grams per serving
- vitamins A, C, and K
- certain B vitamins

Green peas are a good source of plant-based protein, and eating them is an effective way for vegetarian and vegan people to boost their protein intake.

Peas and other legumes contain fiber, which supports good bacteria in the gut to ensure regular bowel movements and a healthy digestive tract.

They are also rich in saponins, which are plant compounds that may provide antioxidant and anticancer benefits.

9. Seaweed

Seaweed, also known as sea vegetables, are versatile and nutritious plants that provide several health benefits. Common types of seaweed include:
- kelp
- nori
- sea lettuce
- spirulina
- wakame

Seaweed is one of the few plant-based sources of omega-3 fatty acids docosahexaenoic acid and eicosapentaenoic acid. These fatty acids are essential for a person’s health and are mostly present in meat and dairy sources.

Each type of seaweed has a slightly different nutritional profile, but it is typically rich in iodine, which is an essential nutrient for thyroid function.

Eating a variety of sea vegetables provides people with several important antioxidants to reduce damage to the body’s cells. Many types of seaweed contain chlorophyll, which is a plant pigment that has anti-inflammatory properties.

Brown sea vegetables, such as kelp and wakame, contain another potent antioxidant called fucoxanthin. Research suggests that fucoxanthin has 13.5 times the antioxidant power of vitamin E.

10. Beets

One cup of beets contains 58 calories, along with:
- 442 milligrams of potassium
- 148 micrograms of folate

Beets and beetroot juice are great for improving heart health.

This vegetable is high in heart-healthy nitrates. A small-scale 2012 study reports that drinking 500 grams of beetroot juice significantly lowered blood pressure in healthy people.

These vegetables may also benefit people with diabetes. Beets contain an antioxidant called alpha-lipoic acid, which might be helpful for diabetes-related nerve problems, called diabetic neuropathy.

Top 5 Foods That Improve Men's Health

2020-11-10T21:17:00.000-08:00

Should men eat differently? As a man, staying healthy means eating mostly what's good for anyone—more fruits, vegetables, whole grains, lean meats, and low-fat dairy products. But there are some subtle differences between healthy diets for men and healthy diets for women, even though we share 98.5% of our DNA.

In the following slides, learn some foods you can form a healthy diet around as a man. You will find out why certain foods play special health roles in a man's diet for prostate problems, staying lean, and putting on muscle. There are even some in the list that may help your bedroom performance.

1. Red Meat

If you closed your eyes and imagined a meal made for a man, there's a good chance you'd dream up an imaginary steak. Men eat a lot more protein than women on average. And for the most part, all that additional protein is healthy. If you want to watch your weight, protein may be a better choice than carbs because your body spends more calories burning protein. It also helps build and retain muscle mass. The key is to have lean red meat in small portions and not eat it daily.

But not all protein is equally healthy. The healthiest proteins are low in fat, and some cuts of red meat fit this bill, including lean cuts of beef and pork. What's more, the amino acid leucine is found in red meat. That's important because this is the amino acid responsible for building and maintaining muscle mass.

However, there's reason to exercise caution when it comes to red meat. In some men, an abnormal gene can cause the high iron content of red meat to leave deposits in your vital organs. On the other hand, women need additional iron to make up for what's lost during their periods.

2. Fish With Omega-3

Want to stop the no. 1 killer of men in the United States? Eat more fatty fish, like salmon, halibut, and sardines. These fish come loaded with omega-3 fatty acids, which are known to lower your risks of heart disease.

There are other ways to get omega-3 fats into your diet. But for men, fish is the safest bet. That's because plant-based sources, such as those found in canola and flaxseed oils, have been linked in some studies with elevated risks of prostate cancer. If you stick with fish, you need not worry. However, you should be careful not to consume too much tuna, marlin or sailfish, for example, as they can contain high levels of mercury.

3. Creamy Avocados

Men, take note: avocados were named after you. Or rather, a certain part of you. The word comes from the Aztec word for testicle, “ahuakatl.” Maybe that's why this creamy green fruit has developed a reputation as an aphrodisiac. Whether or not it deserves that reputation, avocados do have several valuable health benefits.

Just like nuts and olive oil, avocados are high in fat. But don't worry—it's the good kind. Avocados help raise good cholesterol (HDL) while lowering bad cholesterol (LDL). They do this with omega 3 fat, the source of ¾ of their calories. They also have plenty of antioxidants, which help reduce cell damage, especially in the dark green part of the flesh nearest the rind. Use some caution, though, and don't overconsume avocados—they're fairly high-calorie.

4. Health Benefits of Ginger

Do your muscles ache after a workout? Maybe your back is sore when you wake up in the morning. If painful, tired muscles are causing problems for you, you may want to consider ginger.

Ginger is anti-inflammatory, just like ibuprofen. It reduces swelling and even has some painkilling effect. In one study of patients with arthritic knees, concentrated ginger extract was shown to reduce their stiffness and pain by 40% over a placebo.

Adding ginger to your meals, though, may not be enough. The amount of concentrated ginger used in the above study was 255mg, twice a day. That's equivalent to about 9 gallons of raw ginger. To get that much, your best bet is to find capsules of concentrated ginger.

While ginger seems to be good for sore muscles, its benefits don't stop there. Ginger is also known to relieve nausea. So, the next time you feel ill, consider making a tea by pouring 1-2 tsp fresh, grated ginger into a pot of boiling water. It is even being studied as a potential weapon against prostate cancer.

5. Zinc and Shellfish

Crazy about crab? Do you love clams, oysters, and shrimp? Shellfish are low-fat, low-calorie, high-protein foods that are good for anyone's diet. Men, however, may experience additional benefits thanks to zinc.

Zinc is found abundantly in shellfish. The highest zinc offering of all comes from oysters, which pack 445% of your recommended daily value of zinc into just three ounces. Zinc is required to produce sperm, and it seems to drive up testosterone levels as well. It also helps your prostate, where zinc is found in greater amounts than anywhere else in the body except bone. If you become zinc-deficient, your chances of an inflamed or enlarged prostate increase, as well as your risk of developing prostate cancer.

Reasons You Are Not Losing Weight

2019-02-27T17:58:00.001-08:00

You’ve been working out and trying to eat healthy, but the pounds still aren’t coming off. It’s frustrating, we know. Thankfully, there are lots of little changes you can make to get on the right track. These are a few of the most surprising things that might be holding you back.

You’re following a diet and exercise plan that isn’t tailored for you.

Everybody is different: that’s the message Bruce Lee, the executive director of the Global Obesity Prevention Center at Johns Hopkins University, wants to send when it comes to weight loss. “There’s been a lot of fad dieting and fad exercise programs,” Lee says. The reason that a single diet plan and the same exercise routine don’t work for everybody is that we all live different lives in unique bodies that have their own needs.

“You have to tailor what you do to yourself,” he says. Instead of following a specific diet or exercise plan, don’t be afraid to try lots of different things to find what works for you.

Eating healthy foods and healthy portions needs to take a front seat.

Weight loss isn’t just about working out: It’s also about what you eat. But many people still don’t pay enough attention to food and portion size, Lee says.

You won’t have much success sustainably losing weight without getting your diet under control, for two reasons. First, without the proper fuel, even getting into the gym or out on the road is hard. You’ll drag. Second, diet and exercise are both factors shaping weight loss, Lee says, and trying to figure out which one is more important is “sort of like asking ‘which is more important, your arm or your leg?’” That means you should pay as much attention to what you’re eating as you do to how you’re working out, which may mean investing more time in meal planning.

Intimidated? To start with, he suggests keeping a food diary and writing down everything you eat for a couple of weeks. Then figure out where you can trim unnecessary calories from your regular diet, as well as unnecessary dollars from credit card bill. “Eating healthy has gotten expensive,” Lee says. This method will help you figure out how to make your money count.

You’re only exercising at the gym.

Sure, your time at the gym is helpful in losing weight, and we’ve got tips to help you make the most of it. But the exercise outside the gym—and the mindset that goes with it—that will help you make long term changes to lose weight and keep it off. When it comes to exercise, Lee says, “if you can’t keep doing it, it’s not going to work.”

That doesn’t mean stop going to the gym—it just means you may need to change your mindset a bit. Your day-to-day life has plenty of opportunities for meaningful exercise, like taking the stairs, walking instead of driving, or adding half an hour of vigorous playtime with your kids to your daily schedule. Taken all together, these activities help ensure that even if you don’t make it to the gym quite as often as you mean to, you can still do things that make a long-term difference in your fitness and weight.

The number on the scale is moving—but slowly.

Many people who lose weight don’t keep it off: Take the oft-cited example of ‘Biggest Loser’ contestants. When you lose weight, your body’s resting metabolic rate (the amount of calories you burn just by living) slows down. When contestants on the show lost large amounts of weight—an average of 100 pounds—over seven months, their RMRs decreased significantly.

That means they had to work harder than they previously would have had to just to keep the weight off. Researchers who followed up with 14 of those contestants six years after they left the show found that their resting metabolic weights had remained low, which contributed to them gaining back some of the weight they had lost. The key to sustainable weight loss is time, not giant scales and reality television. “What you have to do is retrain your body slowly,” Lee says.

Unfortunately, there’s no single thing that will make you lose weight. The good thing is that your weight loss goal might help you make your whole life better. “It’s more about lifestyle and long term changes,” says Aaron Roseberry, a biologist at Georgia State University who studies obesity and eating.

You’ve hit a weight loss plateau.

Plateaus happen: it’s all in how you handle them. Be patient, and don’t give up on your goals, because slow and steady is the key to sustainable weight loss. “What you have to do is retrain your body slowly,” Lee says. If you see your weight on the scale not going down for a while, that may mean it’s time to reassess how you’re approaching diet and exercise and see if there’s something you need to tweak. Check out our list of the most common reasons people plateau for some ideas.

Still bummed? There are other indicators that you’re getting healthier you can look to for motivation, like waist size. Abdominal fat, also known as visceral fat, surrounds your internal organs and is the most unhealthy kind of weight to carry, Roseberry says. Keep track of your waist measurement and how your belly looks: even if you’re not losing overall weight quickly, you’ll be able to measure a loss in belly fat as you get healthier.

You need more sleep.

Sleep is essential, both for mental acuity and to help your body recover from working out, but it can be hard to get enough good sleep. Besides making time for that 7-8 hours of shuteye, ensure you’re getting quality sleep by evaluating your sleep environment and looking at your habits for things that could be decreasing sleep quality. If you need a little extra, try folding in a nap. Oh, and don’t hit snooze. It won’t help.

You need to think about mental health.

“Mental health can affect [weight] in a multitude of ways,” Lee says. From stress, which can change your hormones, to depression, which can cause someone to withdraw from others and not take care of themselves, these unseen factors can have huge impact. If you’re having trouble losing weight, maybe it’s time to look at the things in your life that may be impacting your mental health and evaluate how you can address them. For some people, that might mean seeing your doctor or seeking out a therapist, something that-as our editor wrote last year-can still be very stigmatized for men. Know that you’re not alone, and that you are doing what’s best for you by considering your mental health.

You need to see your doctor.

In some cases, underlying conditions that your doctor can treat or help you manage may be the reason why you’re not losing weight. Head to your doctor (with that food diary in hand, preferably) and see if they can help you figure it out.

Medications you’re on may also be affecting your weight loss, such as antibiotics, says Lee. You can stop in at your local pharmacy and ask if they can help you evaluate what you’re taking and if it might be holding you back.

Where you live and work is making it hard.

If the only place near your work to grab lunch is the Wendy’s, chances are you’ll lunch a the Wendy’s-at least more than you would if you had other choices. If the nearest grocery store to your house doesn’t have a lot of healthy options, you’ll probably buy and eat fewer health foods.

A common mistake people make in thinking about weight is to believe it’s all on you, Lee says. He suggests taking a systems approach to weight loss: In order to figure out why you’re not losing weight, look at the systems around you that make you keep it on. Once you’ve assessed your environment, you can figure out how to optimize the things in it that you can control. Whether that means folding in a lunchtime walk at work because your neighborhood isn’t easy to walk in during the evening, packing your lunch rather than eating out, or starting to eat breakfast, small changes can make a huge difference.

Unsure what to look at? Three factors affect weight, Lee says: diet, physical activity, and metabolism. Chances are you can make some changes in your life to affect all three. But don’t be too hard on yourself: “We’re so outcomes-focused,” Lee says. “And there’s only so much you can control.”

You need a little help from your friends.

The good news is, you don’t have to do it alone: when it comes to habit changes, Lee says the people who participate in those habits with you can also help you change them. If you and the guys meet regularly for wing night, try mixing it up with a healthier option, or better yet, hit the courts for a game of pick-up basketball. Enlisting your friends to help you lose weight might also help them get started on a healthier path.

Source: menshealth.com

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Judge Grants US Citizenship To Twin Son Of Gay Couple

2019-02-25T18:33:00.000-08:00

A federal judge has ruled that the U.S. State Department was wrong in denying birthright citizenship to one of the twin sons of a binational gay couple.

Los Angeles residents Andrew and Elad Dvash-Banks, a U.S. citizen and an Israeli citizen respectively, have twin sons, one conceived with Andrew’s sperm and one with Elads, using eggs from the same donor, who then carried both children and gave birth to them moments apart in Canada. Their children also qualify for U.S. citizenship, but the State Department has ruled that Aiden, the child conceived with Andew’s sperm, is a U.S. citizen, but his brother, Ethan, conceived with Elad’s sperm, is not. The couple learned of the State Department’s stance when they applied for passports for the boys, who are now 2 years old. They filed suit over the issue a year ago.

But John F. Walter, a federal judge in Los Angeles, ruled Thursday “that U.S. law does not require a child to show a biological relationship with both of their parents if their parents were married at the time of their birth,” as the two men were, the Los Angeles Times reports. It requires that biological relationship only if a child is born out of wedlock, he said. He called for the State Department to propose an agreement with the Dvash-Banks family that implements his ruling. The proposal is due by the end of February.

“This is a huge victory for Ethan Dvash-Banks and his family,” Aaron C. Morris, executive director of Immigration Equality and an attorney who helped represent the family, told the Times. “They wanted their twin boys in every way to be treated exactly the same. It really hurt them to have one child get the remarkable privilege of U.S. citizenship at birth and the other to be required to petition as an immigrant.”

“They felt that the U.S. government wasn’t respecting their marriage, which was true,” he continued. “By referring to this strange out-of-wedlock provision, they weren’t giving the couple the same rights as every other married couple.”

Andrew and Elad Dvash-Banks expressed relief at the judge’s ruling. The State Department’s decision “hurt us every day,” they said in a statement. “Now our boys will be treated exactly the same, which is all we ever wanted.”

Source: advocate

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Valentine's Day Movies For Every Mood

2019-02-14T17:13:00.002-08:00

Valentine's Day is a perfect holiday to spend at home, regardless of whether you're single, dating, or blissfully wed. Netflix and chilling is an ideal way to celebrate V Day; but are you in the mood to revel in the beauty of love or sneer at the hopelessness of relationships? Want to laugh at the horrors of dating or get out a cathartic cry? Here's your guide to the queer classics that will magically manipulate your emotions.

1. Weekend

This beautifully restrained film tells the story of two young gay British men who meet at a club, hook up, and fall in love over the course of an eventful weekend. One of the guys is introverted and half-closeted, while the other is brash, gregarious, and wears his sexuality on his sleeve; their worldviews complement each other and their chemistry is explosive. Through passionate conversations, many drug-fueled, they alternately challenge, confuse, and confound each other. It's a grown-up, no-holds-barred exploration of modern love between men, and even the sex is honest. Directed by Andrew Haigh, who's moved on to executive-produce HBO's Looking, the film well deserved its status as a critical darling.

2. Edge of Seventeen

Not to be confused with the Hailee Steinfeld starrer released in 2016, this ‘90s indie darling tossed it back to the mid-'80s with a story about an Ohio teen obsessed with New Wave culture — especially Annie Lennox and the Eurythmics. While working at an amusement park in the summer before college, Eric discovers he’s way more into his coworker Rod (Andersen Gabrych) than he is to his devoted girlfriend/best friend, Maggie (Tina Holmes). Luckily, his manager Angie (Lea DeLaria) is on hand to offer sage coming out advice.

3. Trick

A quintessential film for a generation of gay men, 1999’s Trick took a lighthearted look at the pleasures and pitfalls of one-night stands as Gabriel (Christian Campbell) and Mark (John Paul Pitoc) discover that hooking up in Manhattan isn’t as easy as it looks and romance can blossom at the most unexpected times.

4. The Broken Hearts Club

A heartwarming movie about gay friendship and the hunt for love, The Broken Hearts Club is hard to dislike. In the film, no one's relationship is perfect; many of the gay and bi characters struggle with commitment and fidelity, a universal theme for our community. By the end, you'll feel like all these guys will eventually figure it out.

5. The Boys in the Band

Mart Crowley's hit play became the first famous gay film ever. Vito Russo said of the movie, "The internalized guilt of eight gay men at a Manhattan birthday party formed the best and most potent argument for gay liberation ever offered in a popular art form." No, it wasn't representative of what gay life was like‚ but it was representative of what gay life was like for those alcoholic men, in that city, at that time. Crowley's quotable script was shocking, real, and hysterically funny. With Cliff Gorman, Leonard Frey, Kenneth Nelson, and Frederick Combs, and directed by William Friedkin (of Cruising fame). It's the perfect Valentine's day movie for those looking for bitchy quips to hurl around.

6. Happy Together

This 1997 Hong Kong was ahead of its time. The unflinchingly real look at a dysfunctional (and, at times, abusive) relationship between two young men is difficult, but rewarding, viewing. Ho and Lai may not be able to make it work, but their love is never in doubt.

7. My Own Private Idaho

Gay director Gus Van Sant's meandering story follows River Phoenix, who plays Mike, a troubled gay street hustler, and his best friend (played by Keanu Reeves) from the streets of Portland to Seattle to Italy and Idaho. Along the way, the film explores love and loss, betrayal and the street life a lot of LGBT kids find themselves in. It's a bit of a gay Easy Rider and a must-see; poignant, emotional, frustrating, and definitely without a happy ending.

8. Brokeback Mountain

The music, the acting, the sparse, lovely dialogue - Ang Lee's Brokeback Mountain was a masterpiece in so many regards. The 2005 film shook up cinema, as one of the first major Hollywood films to center on a gay love story. The ending is indeed tragic; so if you're seeking a way to expunge tears this day, here's your movie.

9. Moonlight

This Oscar-winner is indeed a harrowing tale of a young black man's maturation and sexual awakening, but it's also a tender love story that culminates at the end of this cathartic queer tale. The lovely payoff will have you floating.

10. My Beautiful Laundrette

Combining racism, class issues, and gay love in one sudsy mix sounds like a recipe for heavy-handed treacle, but Stephen Frears's My Beautiful Laundrette is as entertaining as it is culturally resonant. The story of a Pakistani man and a street punk falling in love, challenging the conventions of Thatcher-era London, and classing up a laundromat in the way only gay men can do, My Beautiful Laundrette was immediately met with praise and its screenplay nominated for an Oscar. The film's punk was played by the brilliant Daniel Day-Lewis, while director Frears had a massive hit this year on television with A Very English Scandal.

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Guy’s Coming Out Tweet Goes Unexpectedly Viral

2019-01-02T23:07:00.002-08:00

Adam Fletcher, 35 said he wrote the tweet almost a dozen times but then stepped back from publishing it. ‘I’ve been scared to say it forever’.

A Californian man has seen his coming out tweet go viral.

Adam Fletcher, 35, of Orange County, works in the gaming industry. On 30 December he posted a tweet to reveal he is gay.

‘I’ve typed this tweet maybe 10+ times this year because I haven’t figured out a proper way of saying it…’ he began.

‘I’m gay.

‘I’ve been scared to say it forever, but damn does it feel good to say now!

‘Close friends and some co-workers know, but the general public doesn’t.’

‘Very conservative’ family

The original tweet has been liked over 23,000 times and prompted thousands of comments. Fletcher went on to explain why he’s previously struggled talking about his sexuality. And why he wanted to make it public.

‘Why am I saying this publicly now? It’s tough to say. I’ve had a ton of fear from friends and work to not say anything. Fear that friends would shun me. Fear that it would hold me back career wise as bad apples always exist on a tree.

‘And of course the fear of my family. Will I ever tell them? Time will tell.

‘Everyone has told me that they will understand but I know many don’t know them like I do. Right now, they are very conservative and I have a heavy fear of losing my family from my life.

‘I still love them despite not seeing eye to eye and I can’t have that empty spot in my life without them.

‘What made me okay with this saying now? The two things I feared… work and friends made me feel okay.

Support from friends and work

‘I have a close group of friends that have been incredibly supportive,’ he says. ‘These wonderful people have given me more confidence and support. I’ve been able to lean against them through this when family wasn’t an option.’

Last January, Fletcher took on the role of esports product manager with Blizzard Entertainment.

‘As for work… I’ve been employed at some very great companies but Blizzard is another level,’ he goes on to say.

‘Blizzard and the culture of the company is super open and welcoming that I feel I can actually be me. It’s great and I’m thankful for it. Blizzard and the people there are amazing.

‘So here I am. I’m sure people will be against it, but it feels good to just say it.

‘I am gay. And now I’m damn happy.

‘Sorry if you’re against it.

‘Thanks for those that are supportive.
‘And for those who may be in the same situation…

‘Things really do get better.’

Response

The response to his coming out was overwhelmingly positive.

‘When did we meet, like 8 years ago?’ said one acquaintance, @akamikeb, on Twitter. ‘It SUCKS to think that this whole time you felt you had to keep something like this to yourself, but I’m stoked that you’ve got it all out now!’

Others emphasized with the sense of freedom coming out can bring.

‘I came out when i was 25 and the release of being free from having to hide a part of me was worth it,’ commented @Asikaa604. ‘All the love and strength to you. Love always wins in the end.’

Others just wanted to offer their congratulations and support.

‘This member of the general public feels honoured to have witnessed your coming out, is inspired by your courage, deeply desirous or your future happiness and always happy to offer whatever support that someone from the general public who you’ve never met, can offer. Blessings,’ said @RevDaniel.

Coming out at work

Fletcher’s reluctance to come out earlier to colleagues is far from uncommon. Last year, LGBT advocacy group HRC revealed 50% of LGBT people are not out at work.

Fortunately, the tech and gaming industries are viewed as more embracing of diversity than some other sectors. Award-winning gamer Sonic Fox, who last year described himself as ‘super gay’, is among those making waves in the world of esports.

Many people choose social media to come out, but not everyone sees the announcement go viral. Fletcher, because of his role in the esports industry, has a large following, which partly why so many are commenting on his tweet.

For others, it’s Fletcher’s palpable sense of relief that touched a nerve.

Gay Star News reached out to Fletcher. He said he hadn’t expected it to go viral, but, ‘I have been really heartened by the response. People are good. I greatly appreciate the kind words and support. I have seen a few negative reactions but I tend to ignore them.’

However, despite coming out on a public platform, he says he has yet to tell his family and will do so when the time is right.

‘As for family, they still don’t know as I noted and in due time I will tell them. They don’t use Twitter so I felt comfortable telling followers and friends on Twitter as that is mainly what I use the platform doing.’

Source: gaystarnews.com

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Ricky Martin And Husband Welcome A Baby Daughter

2019-01-01T17:49:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year 2019!!!

Surprise! Ricky Martin is a dad - for the third time!

The Grammy winner and husband Jwan Yosef announced on New Year’s Eve that they have welcomed a new little addition into their lives: baby girl Lucia Martin-Yosef.

“We are beyond happy to announce that we have become parents to a beautiful and healthy baby girl, Lucia Martin - Yosef. It has been a special time for us and we cant wait to see where this stellar baby will take us. Both her beautiful brothers and me and Ricky have fallen in love with Lucia,” Yosef, 34, captioned a photo of Lucia, which featured the infant wearing a rose-colored onesie and holding one of her fathers’ hands.

Martin, 47, shared the same sweet image on his Instagram account, where he announced the happy news to his followers.

“We are excited to announce that we have become parents of a beautiful and healthy girl whom we have named Lucia Martin-Yosef,” he wrote in Spanish.

“This has undoubtedly been a unique birthday and celebration of Christmas in our lives,” Martin continued.

He concluded, “Both her brothers and Jwan and I are completely in love with our baby and grateful to be able to start this 2019 with the best gift we could receive, the gift of life.”

Martin is also dad to 9-year-old twin sons Matteo and Valentino, whom he is raising with Yosef.

“My kids ask me about having two daddies and I tell them we are a part of a modern family,” Martin told Out magazine about his blended brood. “This is a beautiful sense of freedom.”

Lucia’s birth announcement comes nearly a year after Martin announced another surprise: that he and Yosef secretly tied the knot.

“I’m a husband, but we’re doing a heavy party in a couple of months,” the star, 46, told E! News in January. “We exchanged vows, and we’ve swear [sic] everything, and we’ve signed all the papers that we needed to sign, prenups and everything … It feels amazing! I can’t introduce him as my fiancé. I can’t. He’s my husband. He’s my man.”

Martin met Yosef, a painter and visual artist, on Instagram. The pair began dating in 2016, and the singer revealed on The Ellen DeGeneres Show in November 2016 that he’d popped the question.

Earlier this year, the couple also admitted that they hoped to expand their family in the future.

“I want four more pairs of twins. I would love to have a big family, but there’s a lot going on at this moment, a lot of work, wedding,” Martin said in January on the Golden Globes red carpet. “It’s a lot going on so we’re going to put things in order first and then we are going to get ready for many more kids.”

Source: people.com

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15 Signs You’re Too Good For Him

2018-05-14T22:43:00.000-07:00

We’ve all dated men knowing we’re too good for them. Most of us love the feeling of having a boyfriend so much that we sacrifice our own dignity. It’s difficult to admit that we might be better than our partner. Doing so might make us feel arrogant or cocky, but the truth of the matter is there are certain people who are only meant to remind of us what’s missing. Perhaps it’s time to reconsider the compatibility with your man. Here are a few signs:

1. You Dumb Down Conversations

There’s nothing worse than being with a man who isn’t on your intellectual level. When you find yourself constantly having to dumb down important points of conversation you’re almost always going to max out your patience. Eventually you’ll see that it’s not just him. His entire universe (friends, family, coworkers) seem to live in another world and stooping down to their level is exhausting. You deserve more.

2. He Constantly Needs Encouragement

You’re not meant to be his life coach, but rather his partner in crime. No one wants to date a Debbie Downer, especially one who’s become independent on your advice, false hope and encouragement. A little goes a long way but when it turns into the basis of your entire relationship, you’re in for a worser fate down the road. You’re stable. He’s not. Eventually the imbalance will affect your own infrastructure.

3. Inconsideration Of Time

A man who’s always late or makes every opportunity about himself is clearly not considering the time you have together. Not only is this rude, but it’s also a sign of an unhealthy ego. Dating a man who values his time over anyone else is never going to welcome a fair and balanced relationship, especially when you’re putting in more effort.

4. He Can’t Take A Joke

A man who takes himself too seriously is consciously closing himself off. Not only will this result in you consistently having to walk on eggshells around him, but it’s also a springboard towards a controlling atmosphere. You like to laugh and enjoy life while he is too comfortable filtering out the world. It’s clear you have higher potential at contentment and satisfaction with the people around you. Don’t let him steal it away.

5. He Lacks Curiosity

A major part of living life to the fullest is curiosity. Without it, it’s nearly impossible to want to push the boundaries of our own situations. If he’s never mentioned the places he wants to do, the people he wants to meet, the goals he’s set for himself, things he’s always wanted to experience, he’s probably not going to add anything interesting to your life except sex. No one wants to date a man who’s taking up all your oxygen.

6. Your Friends Don’t Like Him Very Much

Friends see what you never do. Being in a relationship can build up blinders to enormous red flags you might not have noticed otherwise. The people closest to you are able to see compatibility much more easier than you are since they’re going based on what they see rather than how you feel. If they don’t like him, chances are, it’s not going to end well.

7. You’re Paying For EVERYTHING!

He doesn’t know how to pay his bills or keep a job so, chances are, you’re the one forking up the bill. There comes a time when you leave boyhood and enter manhood, and here in good old Man Land, we switch off who pays for what. For him to constantly be in need of your credit card shows exactly how he views the relationship. Don’t make it a habit – you’re too good for that.

8. Hypocrisy Becomes Routine

When he’s consistently saying one thing and doing another, it’s clear he can’t be taken seriously most of the time. He’s now doing all the things he accused you of doing in an attempt to spite you. But the worst part is he doesn’t see the irony in the situation like you do. That’s because you have a better head on your shoulders and refuse to resort to childish games.

9. He Keeps A Distance From Your Friends Or Family

He’s never ready to get close to your family or friends, i.e. he’s never going to be ready to settle down. He’s too worried about what they will say about him because he already knows you’re too good for him. Being around those who are closest to you will always make him insecure, but it’s never a valid excuse.

10. He’s Always Right

There’s nothing worse than dating a know-it-all. They’re more eager to be right than rational. More often than not they’ll fight over things they know are wrong, but they’re addiction to being right blinds them from all logic. The arguments are senseless and carry no reason, leading to a constant state of confusion. Deep down he likes to think it keeps you together, but in reality it causes more friction.

11. Laziness Overcomes

He’s stopped putting in any effort for the relationship months ago. Those days of sending cute text messages are over and all that’s left are memories. When you become the fuel behind keeping fuel heavy in your relationship, it’s evident how committed you are to making things work. Think of it as reflection of your character.

12. His Looks Are His Only Asset

A boyfriend who relies solely on his looks is a dangerous thing. More often than not he knows it’s his only asset and seldom tries to be anything else. This bleeds into the relationship. Because he’s so good-looking you’re quick to think that he’s too good for you, but in reality it’s you who’s too good for him. It’s him that is relying on your place in the world. He’s merely eye candy while you have potential that will take you to new heights.

13. He Makes You Feel Worse During A Bad Situation

A healthy relationship is one that sticks together and says “It’s okay. I’m here for you.” Not one who wrenches you with guilt by playing “I Told You So.” This is clearly an excuse for him to show you how right he is, even if the circumstance was inevitable. Never is it okay for him to try and convince you you’re worth less than he is. If he isn’t lifting your spirits there’s no need to continue the charade.

14. You’re A “Convenient” Boyfriend

When you find him ditching your weekend plans for something less important, but he’s attached at the hip to you whenever it matters, i.e. special events or family gatherings, he’s probably using the “boyfriend” title only when it’s convenient for him. His head isn’t in the relationship at all, but rather the swag it brings. The good news is you’re probably a trophy man which means you have your sh*t together and that makes him look good when he has you on his arm. The bad news is you’re biting out more than you can chew with him. Time to reconsider.

15. He’ll Be Possessive Of You

Often times when a man turns possessive it’s because of deeply hidden insecurities of unworthiness. He’s afraid he’ll lose you so he slowly creeps into a possessive state, which is the first step towards a controlling relationship. A truly confident person will allow his boyfriend to be who he is and do what he wants do with little concern. Clearly you live in a much higher state of mind than he does, so you might as well face the truth.

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This Is The First Same-Sex Jewish Couple To Be Married In Australia

2018-05-13T18:18:00.003-07:00

At the end of last year, Australia legalized same-sex marriage. While Lauren Price and Amy Laker were the first couple to wed after the announcement, Ilan Buchman and Oscar Shub recently became the first same-sex Jewish couple to do so.

The wedding

Five months after the legalization, Buchman and Shub married at Sydney’s Emanuel Synagogue on 2 May. The wedding was officiated by Rabbi Jeffrey Kamins. Guests, 168 total, came from all over the world to celebrate the couple’s big day, including from South Africa, Israel, England, Canada, Perth, and Melbourne.

(Ilan Buchman and Oscar Shub became the first Jewish same-sex couple to wed in Australia)

Emanuel Synagogue is a pluralist congregation that welcomes the Masorti, Progressive, and Renewal sects of Judaism-all which advocated for same-sex marriage in Australia.

‘Certainly the reason we chose to get married in a synagogue – and we believe it’s an appropriate message to send to the Jewish community – is that times have changed and that if people suddenly discover that they have gay children or gay grandchildren, those children or grandchildren can still lead a regular existence,’ Shub told Plus61J.

‘For young people and those not out yet, hopefully by us getting married, officially with a rabbi officiating, it sends a good message,’ Buchman echoed.

‘It was an incredible honour and privilege, on behalf of Emanuel Synagogue, to officiate at the first same-sex ceremony under the legislation,’ Rabbi Kamins told J-Wire.

‘We look forward to more ceremonies in the coming months. My associate, Rabbi Jacqueline Ninio, who has been the strongest advocate of marriage equality in our community for more than 10 years, will be conducting with me another same-sex marriage early June.’

‘When he said, “I pronounce you husband and husband” and the whole synagogue broke into clapping; it was just amazing – it was fantastic!’ Shub said after the wedding.

Old, Jewish traditions

Buchman and Shub broke the glass at the same time, following the Jewish tradition of grooms stomping on glass to commemorate the moment. This tradition dates back to the writing of the Talmud and symbolizes that where there is rejoicing, there should also be trembling. The lesson being that even at the height of personal joy, we must remember the suffering of the Jewish people and recall a world in need of healing.

‘There’s lots of brokenness in this world, lots of people who face tragedy and discrimination,’ Rabbi Karmins said before the glass being broken. ‘There’s still so much work to do, in our country and around the world, to bring that sense of wholeness and peace.’

‘But these shards of glass are not just to think of what is broken but also of the power of your love to bring healing.’

47 years of love

‘Oscar and I have been partners for 47 years and after 47 years our fondness for each other is as strong as it ever was and hopefully will continue to be so,’ Buchman said.

‘Who would have believed in 1971 that I would be standing here tonight married to my partner, my best friend and the love of my life for the past 47 years? That says it all,’ Shub said during his wedding speech.

‘I would say that it took a long time to come, but having arrived it is so important and life changing for so many gay people, particularly young people coming to grips with their sexuality, and for their parents to realise that their gay child can live life exactly as everyone else,’ Buchman said of Australia’s legalization of same-sex marriage.

‘I feel that after years of discrimination we have a duty to ease the passage for the young generation of LGBTI people who are coming out to be accepted by their communities,’ Shub added.

Source: gaystarnews.com

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Middle-Age, Sexless Marriage: What's To Be Done?

2018-05-11T22:56:00.001-07:00

This week on Falling for Angels, Here TV’s neighborhood-specific anthology series exploring the diversity of gay life in Los Angeles: Aging gays! Bed death! Non-judgmental treatment of sex work! Truvada for PrEP! High-earning gays’ relationship ennui in fussily decorated Bel Air one-levels!

I kid, of course. This week’s episode is another chamber piece with just enough plot for a 21-minute story about two gay men who have it all: a great house, great friends, careers, long-term commitment-except they’ve “fallen out of sex,” as the episode puts it. So it often goes in a long-term relationship.

(The latest episode of Falling for Angels eschews the usual stories of the young.)

The episode opens with Chase (Jason London of Dazed and Confused) and Bentley (Kevin Spiritus) really in their element, throwing a successful little birthday get-together. Both are wearing those soft-colored, vertically striped dress shirts that are basically the uniform for classy middle-aged gays. I’ll assume that the friends of Dorothy at the party are always this demonstrative, but even the hets in attendance are behaving en pointe for this spirited little gathering. Nobody does parties better than us. Everyone, of course, has a glass of champagne in hand. There’s a blazing fire.

“This beautiful man makes every day of my life, no matter what I’m going through and what is happening, brighter and better than I could have ever imagined,” Bentley toasts the birthday boy. We have no reason to doubt it.

The first half is cut, however, with anxious, sterile black-and-white shots of a hand placing pills on a plate and fingers fidgeting with wedding rings. Falling for Angels never has time for much nuance. “Bel Air” is a vignette and knows it.

“I wanted to show a long-time married couple in their most quiet personal state,” says writer–director David Millbern, an alumnus of the Actors Studio and Northwestern who is himself around the age of his leads. After the guests leave, the two have an easy, not-unpleasant scene in bed together, but it’s practically all business. Chase has an early flight, so they, with their flannel pajamas and matching sleep blindfolds, set an alarm, give a quick peck and turn out the lights. They settle in with their backs facing each other.

It’s just an overnight business trip, but that’s enough time for each to call upon a gentleman of the evening. Both of the guys’ experiences even mirror each other here, too.

Fade to white, and then they’re sitting at the kitchen table, the maid having found Chase’s PrEP bottle in his laundry.

“I love you,” says Chase. “I love everything we have.” Again, we have no reason to think these words are insincere-especially when he continues, “You’re my best friend, and I need a sex life.” Each syllable of that last clause is emphasized.

“I believe keeping a meaningful, coupled sexual life going, combined with our perceptions of aging, is tough stuff,” says Millbern.

There’s a lot unsaid here. I question why the couple hadn’t entered an open relationship when the sexual fire burned out, but they do seem happy, fond of each other and maritally compatible. Millbern agrees. “These guys do love each other. They love each other as best friends. They love each other as companions. They have a history. They’ve just fallen out of sex with each other.” They know each other well enough that neither one is surprised at the other’s infidelity. Perhaps it was just easy enough to buy it, rather than launch into a messy affair.

The two spend the second half talking it out, each announcing their involvement with hired men and questioning how best to move on. This may be the first time PrEP among older gays has been explored: notice how Bentley, so long he’s been single and nominally monogamous, needs Chase to inform him about it. I hope that more queer media will begin to explore the profound effects this complicated miracle drug is having on our world. At any rate, the scene is particularly well-acted; the tears feel real.

The cinematography and sound is not groundbreaking, but it is skillful and effective, particularly its use of silence. It’s an episode steeped in domesticity, but what we see of LA-vibrant colors, great natural light, gorgeous landscape architecture-firmly gives a sense of place. And the last scene? It’s just the cutest. It may be the first time I’ve ever described the physical activity portrayed as cute, but there’s no other word for it.

By AARON GETTINGER/ advocate.com

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The Only True Top I've Been With Was Trans

2018-04-11T18:09:00.001-07:00

There’s no more inane question to me than one of the most frequently uttered in the gay community than, "Are you a top or a bottom?"

I literally can’t tell you the intense negative visceral reaction that it causes.

Technically I am top.

And by that I mean I have never been fucked in the ass.

This is not to say the notion hasn’t occurred to me. I think early on in dating life, my “top” status was driven mostly by my intense phobia of acquiring HIV more than anything.

Also putting things in your butt hurts the first few times for the most part.

My first boyfriend and I dated, on and off, for over eight years.

In that time we consummated (i.e. fucked) maybe a handful of times. People give me weird looks when I tell them that, and I guess for a lot of people for whom fucking is the end and all and be all (or at least a good 90 percent) of sex, that makes sense.

Ryan and I were best friends first and foremost, and we’re both truly versatile in all senses of the word - I think. A lot of our sexual experiences revolved around our adolescent- or college-aged fantasies (we both had played NCAA sports in college) and was definitely more mental than anything else. Our intense friendship which begat the relationship, and physical similarities, added to an intense attraction and love that stays with me to this day.

That’s to say, our sex life involved a lot of dirty talk, foreplay, porn, and jockstraps.

And ecstasy.

It was the '90s after all.

Also if ever there was a time I was going to bottom, it would have been with him.

But alas, unlike Goldie Locks, we couldn't find "just right" and he proved too big for what I was comfortable with.

My next two relationships I was the top in, and involved more fucking, but also led to what I thought was a funny sort of role play in my own life.

I often wore my hat backwards, I was athletic, I was outwardly “straight” acting. I was also very loudly out, but I found myself often playing a version of me that wasn’t an act per se, just a certain combination of actual elements of myself that interacted with the person I was talking to’s perception of me seamlessly.

I remember once going to the Lure, which was a legendary leather club in New York City’s meatpacking district. Every Wednesday, they had an “open” night called ‘Pork’ that allowed the non-diehard leather, Chelsea, and East Village gay boys to dip their toe in the fetish laden bar.

My memories of nights at the Lure are highly titillating, yet at the time, they required copious amount of beer drinking to get to the point I felt even vaguely comfortable talking to, let alone participating in anything with, some of the guys. But one interaction has always indelibly remained in my mind.

This hot guy wearing a leather harness and other superhot accoutrements came up to me, a self-identified “top,” when I was just buzzed enough to make eye contact, and not knowing the proper etiquette of my surroundings, I simply nodded “S’up” (wearing a backwards baseball cap, navy blue Del the Funky Homosapien hoodie, baggy jeans, and Adidas) to which he replied “Get over here boy and get on your knees.”

The hood rat in me came alive and replied, “What did you say mother***er?”

At which point this super stud retreated into a nelly queen, and apologized profusely.

And I suddenly realized that the leather and all the posturing at this bar was exactly like drag. That is to say: an act.

And I’ve met drag queens that are more convincing tops.

A few years later I would meet a guy named Jon who changed my life in remarkable ways.

We’d seen each other out a number of times and after a few months, while hanging out at a bar with some mutual friends, I finally was like, “Hey, we should hang out sometime.”

We were sitting at a table across from each other and he said, “I didn’t think you were into guys like me.”

I was slightly baffled, confused if I’d heard him correctly.

“What the hell does that mean?”

He replied, “I’m trans.”

Later we would have a conversation about how alhtough we’d chatted on Grindr a number of times in addition to seeing each other around, I’d never actually read his profile (who does?).

So we had a funny exchange that resulted in an ill-fated but adventurous relationship, and definitely one of the hottest I’ve ever had.

Since then I’ve dated a few trans guys - I feel like this important to mention for a few reasons.

One is to dispel the ridiculous (and I mean ridiculous) comments and reactions that I’ve had from both my straight and gay friends.

From straight friends, after an explanation of what an FTM (Female to Male) guy is, it was fist bumps and “I always knew you were straight bro.”

No! I screamed in my head.

From gay friends it was a myriad of stupidity that makes me question everything about gay culture: “So do you f*** him in the ass?” or the inevitable, “Wait, he has a pussy? Ewww.”

It was a very isolating experience.

There’s a tremendous amount of transference and extraordinary empathy that can be overwhelming for an individual like me, who hewed closely, and was comfortable with a basic gender binary while engaging in this relationship. Again, some of this came down to some kind of psychological adherence to “normal” when you seek to justify your own existence as a queer person.

Yet the flipside was when we were alone, I thought of none of these things.

We were just two dudes crazy about each other. And in fact, our physiological differences added to the excitement.

Indeed the very fact that I realized I could surprise myself sexually in my late 30s created a buoyancy in my attitude about getting older in general.

It was during this period that I realized Jon was the top that wasn’t faking it. At all. He was exactly who he was and conveyed that in a number of ways that didn’t necessarily involve physical penetration, but he had the ability to dominate my mind.

And that’s what topping is really about.

My friend Cole who’s also trans gay guy - and a top - talk about this a lot. We definitely vibe on a level I don’t currently have with any of my cis gay friends.

As a matter of fact, in the small circle of cis and trans gay guys that we’re friends with, it’s the type of discussion that comes up fairly often.

There’s a camaraderie and brotherhood that we feel that I’ve never felt as strongly with other cis-gay guys who are supposed to be the conventional path.

The top/bottom question is closely tied with dick size, and is something that also rubs me the wrong way in being used as a barometer of whether the sex is going to be good or not.

So it upsets me when Cole offers up observations like this: “As a gay trans dude, I know there are gay men out there that wouldn’t like my body as it stands. A part of me struggles with that because it isn’t my fault. I understand preferences but it feels so strange to be reduced to a single body part. The idea that my body is incomplete because I don’t have a penis is baffling. I guess I kinda forget that I’m not just a regular dude until someone reminds me of how different I am. I forget that some gay men find trans bodies disgusting. It’s really sad actually because I only see beauty. Trans bodies are works of art. They’re a struggle through constant change and self-discovery.”

Cole might not have a penis but he’s “kinda happy about it because through this experience I’ve met some of the strongest, bravest, and most vulnerable people I know.”

Cole thinks we have to recognize just how phallocentric the gay world has been, and many men who ID as gay (or bi) struggle with their own issues around their penis (size, look, behavior).

Often their own issues are projected onto trans men who are pre- or non-operative, but it's more part of a bigger issue that affects men in general.

And Cole is honestly the truest top I’ve ever known.

Source: hivplusmag.com

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Toronto Police Withdraw Application To Join Pride Parade

2018-04-09T18:17:00.004-07:00

Force faced calls to drop out over perceived failures to tackle crime against the LGBT community.

Toronto’s police force has withdrawn its application to march in the city’s Pride parade after organisers highlighted perceived failures by the force to properly investigate crimes against the LGBT community.

The organisers of Canada’s largest Pride event had asked Toronto police to withdraw their application to join June’s parade.

In January the force charged Bruce McArthur with six counts of first-degree murder, months after Toronto’s LGBT community began voicing concerns that a serial killer was targeting men in the city’s Gay Village. Hundreds of missing persons cases are now being re-examined.

(Justin Trudeau, the Canadian prime minister, marches in the 2016 Pride Toronto event. Photograph: Xinhua/Barcroft Images)

As recently as December the force had said there was “no evidence” of a serial killer in the Village – a denial that further damaged the already fragile relationship between the Toronto LGBT community and the force.

“This has severely shaken our community’s already often tenuous trust in the city’s law enforcement. We feel more vulnerable than ever,” said Pride Toronto in a statement posted to Facebook and Twitter this week. The statement was signed by Pride Toronto’s executive director, Olivia Nuamah, and a number of advocacy groups around the city.

“Marching won’t contribute towards solving these issues; they are beyond the reach of symbolic gestures,” the statement added.

Mark Saunders, the Toronto police chief, said on Tuesday the force was listening to the LGBT community. “I will be withdrawing the application we have made to the organising committee of the Pride parade,” he said. “My hope is that this move will be received as a concrete example of the fact that I am listening closely to the community’s concerns.”

The city’s annual Pride parade, one of the largest in the world, can trace its originsto raids on four gay bathhouses in 1981, known as Operation Soap, in which Toronto police arrested more than 300 people.

Tensions between the LGBT community and Toronto police have continued ever since. In 2016, activists from Black Lives Matter staged a sit-in protest against harassment by police and racism in the broader LGBT community. One of their requests during in the sit-in, that police not march in the parade in uniform, was honoured the following year amid opposition at City Hall.

Toronto was rocked by the news this year that police had charged McArthur with six counts of first-degree murder in connection with the deaths of of Majeed Kayhan, Soroush Mahmudi, Dean Lisowick, Selim Esen, Andrew Kinsman, Skandaraj Navaratnam and a seventh, unidentified male. McArthur has not yet entered a plea.

Many community members had previously expressed frustration that not enough was being done to investigate the disappearances of the men. The community was angered further when Saunders told the Globe and Mail’s editorial board that the killer might have been caught sooner had more community members come forward with tips.

Before charges were announced against McArthur in January, it appeared Toronto police and Pride organisers were close to reaching an agreement for the force to attend the 2018 parade. The office of John Tory, the mayor of Toronto, did not respond to a request for comment on the most recent developments.

The LGBT community is also grappling with the recent deaths of Alloura Wells, a trans woman whose death remains unsolved, and Tess Richey, who was killed in the Gay Village over the summer.

“We will come together, as we have for decades, and we will be seen. We will rally and rise but it will be with heavy hearts as we have not yet begun to grapple with our anger, shock and grief,” said the Pride Toronto statement.

The organisers called for “focus on deeper dialogue, collaborative action and sustained institutional change. Only a significant commitment and meaningful action can start the critical work of making our communities safer.”

Source: theguardian.com

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Reasons Why You Might Want To Try A Prostate Massage

2018-03-27T18:17:00.001-07:00

The so-called male G-spot is allegedly the source of mind-blowing orgasms - but are they good for your health as well?

The prostate is a mysterious and oft-misunderstood organ. A walnut-size gland found between a man's bladder and his rectum, the prostate's main function is to produce fluid that is expelled as part of semen during ejaculation; it's also the source of prostate cancer, which is the most common cancer in men. While many men dread their first prostate exam, the so-called "male G-spot" can also be a source of mind-blowing pleasure, according to those men who have experienced prostate orgasms.

While many men are wary of anal stimulation, the male G-spot is increasingly becoming a subject of conversation. While prostate massagers (like this Aneros Progasm) are typically viewed as toys for gay or kinky men, they're increasingly becoming more mainstream. According to the pleasure product company HealthyAndActive, prostate massager sales have increased by 56% over the past five years, particularly among straight men over the age of 45. This trend is reflected in Google searches as well: according to Google Trends, searches for "prostate massager" have more than tripled since 2004.

Does Your Penis Size Matter?

Additionally, some doctors are encouraging men to perform regular prostate massages (either by doing it solo, or with a licensed practitioner), claiming they can potentially help alleviate the symptoms of various health issues. While it's worth noting that some experts are skeptical of these benefits - "[they] may be an excuse for guys to persuade their partners to hunt for that elusive male g-spot," says Jesse N. Mills, MD, an associate clinical professor of urology at the David Geffen School of Medicine at UCLA -, we decided to speak to doctors and men's health experts to determine the potential benefits of prostate massage.

1. Erectile Dysfunction

While there isn't much scientific literature to definitively prove that prostate massage can improve erectile function, every doctor we spoke to say that it could help in theory. (What can also help? Our Men's Health course on erectile dysfunction.)

"The theory behind the potential benefit involves an improvement in blood flow resulting from vigorous milking or massaging of the prostate. Because erections are largely the result of good blood flow, any increase could potentially lead to better boners," says Joshua R. Gonzalez, MD, who has his own practice in Los Angeles.

2. Urine Flow

Urine should come out in a steady steam, but if a man has a swollen prostate or an inflammation, the prostate can irritate the bladder, causing the urine flow from the bladder through the urethra to be slow or even cut off.

"The improvements seen in urine flow from prostate massage again can be the result of decreasing inflammation in the prostate, which may be contributing to a man's urinary problems. Manipulation of the nearby pelvic floor muscles, which contract and relax in a coordinated fashion during urination, may also improve urine flow," says Dr. Gonzalez.

3. Painful Ejaculation

Painful ejaculation can come from infection or inflammation in the epididymis (a tube near the testicles that stores and transports sperm), prostate, seminal vesicles, and/or urethra. It can also signal a blockage in the ejaculatory duct. "Massage can reduce prostate inflammation and make ejaculation less painful," says Dr. Mills.
Another cause of painful ejaculation can be tight pelvic floor muscles, which can occur when men have an inflammation or infection of the prostate. "Manual manipulation of those muscles during prostate massage can further alleviate ejaculatory pain. This is definitely something you would want a specialist to work on with you. There are even physical therapists that specialize in treating your pelvic floor muscles," says Dr. Gonzalez.

4. Prostatitis

Prostatitis is an inflammation of the prostate gland, which can be caused by a bacterial infection.

"Symptoms include everything from burning from urination to pain with ejaculation, lousy urine stream, and discomfort in perineum behind the scrotum and in front of the rectum," says Danny Keiller, MD, who specializes in urology at Genesis Healthcare Partners in San Diego and is an advisor to the non-profit organization the Men's Health Network (which is not related to Men's Healthmagazine).

While Dr. Keiller says there are no scientific studies that prove prostate massagecan help with prostatitis, he says some doctors, such as J. Curtis Nickel, M.D., a professor of urology at Queens University in Canada, are using it as a treatment method with good results.

"I have seen benefits in about 5% of my [prostatitis] patients. When it works for a specific patient, we know quite quickly, and for that patient it is better than the other treatments," says Dr. Nickel.

Source: menshealth.com

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The Gay Romcom Love, Simon Is A Revolution Wrapped In Candyfloss

2018-03-25T18:41:00.001-07:00

It’s the standard Hollywood teen fare – except its protagonist is gay. I just wish it had been around when I was young.

As many LGBT viewers bask in the peachy afterglow of Call Me By Your Name, 2018’s first big “gay film” comes bouncing up in the shape of something very different: a teenage romcom called Love, Simon. Based on the hit young adult novel Simon vs the Homosapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli and directed by Greg Berlanti (husband of professional US football player Robbie Rogers), Love, Simon, is the story of a 17-year-old high school student who strikes up a secret internet relationship with another closeted teen. The film follows Simon’s quest to find out who his potential Romeo is and how it affects those closest to him.

Love, Simon is remarkable in that it is the first film from a major studio, in this case 20th Century Fox, about a same-sex romance. Early reviews have been positive, noting this, but have included occasional sniffiness that the film isn’t radical or daring enough, and perhaps isn’t even needed.

Those of my fortysomething generation will remember sitting up late, chair pressed against the door, volume low so as not to be caught, watching the gay-themed films of the time. For me it was Daniel Day-Lewis dribbling champagne into the mouth of Gordon Warnecke in My Beautiful Launderette and, as I remember, naked men basking on rocks in Derek Jarman’s Sebastiane.

Jarman was a brave, pioneering hero, and My Beautiful Launderette a brilliant, groundbreaking film. But as a teenager, I didn’t need art-house dreamscapes or an investigation of the gritty politics I would eventually come to feel massively passionate about: at 12, what I really needed was reassurance that one day I could get a date and that we could hold hands in the cinema and go for a slice of pizza afterwards with our friends. I cannot tell you how much I needed that.

One review suggested that this is more a warm hug for the older generation than a helping hand for today’s queer kids who are rocking their own worlds and setting their own agendas. It’s something I heard over and over when I was writing my book Straight Jacket, about LGBT mental health: that the new generation “were over it” and didn’t need any help.

But that’s not what the young people I spoke to told me. Yes, of course it is far easier now in many ways. But some told me of being spat on in the street, or of being so bludgeoned by anxiety they didn’t go out, or of being bullied by families – one told me his stepfather wouldn’t allow him to have dinner with his siblings in case his sexuality “was catching” – and of course, when it comes to those from religious backgrounds, the problem is still huge and one which we are scared to speak about. Even today it is estimated that a quarter of homeless young people identify as LGBT. There is still a struggle to find solid healthy ground on to which young LGBT kids can pitch their identities. There is still a lack of positive representation.

Love, Simon will no doubt press some buttons for those looking to be outraged: it’s written (like Call Me By Your Name) by a straight author, and Simon is palatably attractive, masculine and middle class (horror!). But let’s get over it. This is a film for teenagers that follows the template for all mainstream American films for teenagers. It is simple, sentimental, sweet – a candyfloss movie like you’ve sat through a million times before. But in this case about two boys – and it is an utter delight from start to finish.

What’s more – and what makes it feel even more groundbreaking – it is a gay film that is feelgood, and no one dies at the end (sorry for the spoiler). Yes, let me repeat that. THIS! IS! A! GAY! FEELGOOD! FILM! It is a gift to LGBT teens. And if you’re in doubt, just look on Twitter at the dewy-eyed rapture with which they are gushing about the movie. No matter what anyone says, this will make a significant number of young people across the world feel a bit better than they did before they saw it. And for us older people it will be a moving (and possibly painful) experience too.

What’s most important now is that it is a commercial success. If you care about gay rights or representation, get out there and pack those cinemas, especially on opening weekend.

It opens this week in the US and next month in the UK. If Love, Simon makes decent money, more movies like it will follow. We’ll be more likely to see grownup films about the complexities of LGBT lives. There will be a greater chance of a queer superhero. The lives of queer people of colour and trans people will be better depicted. We may even – yes, dare to dream – get more LGBT films with happy endings. If that happens then Love, Simon might prove to be the most radically queer film of all time.

• Matthew Todd is a former editor of Attitude magazine and the author of Straight Jacket: How to be Gay and Happy.

By Matthew Todd/ theguardian.com

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92% Of Young Gay Men Want To Be Married Or In A Monogamous Couple

2018-03-21T00:15:00.004-07:00

But do you want to get married?

You might think that young gay men are all about the single life and dating apps.

But it turns out that polyamory and open relationships are not the dream, it’s monogamy.

Researchers have found surprising new relationship trends among gay men aged 18 to 39.

Lanz Lowen and Blake Spears, a non-monogamous couple for 36 years, looked into the experience of other same-sex couples.

The pair says: ‘There wasn’t any roadmap and we assumed long-term couples might offer valuable perspectives and hard-earned lessons.’

They surveyed a range of men, both single and in relationships. 42% of the respondents were single, the other 58% in relationships.

Of those in relationships, 632 identified as monogamous, 152 identified as ‘monogamish’, and 48 identified as non-monagamous.

92% of young gay men want to get married

If you're in a relationship, are you monogamous?

MonogamousMonogam-ishOpen relationshipSingle/Prefer Not To Answer

The study found 92% wanted to get married one day. 90% stated they were seeking monogamous relationships.

Half of the men identified as being in long-term monogamous relationships.

Previous studies have found two-thirds of couples who have been together for five years or more are in an open relationship.

But however, more younger men are seeking monogamy.

Marriage is the ‘latest milllennial trend’

Marriage was equated as the same thing as monogamy by over half of respondents, 58%.

Do you want to get married?

YesNoI'd consider itI am married
Only 31% viewed having other sexual partners as an option for a married couple.

What age group wants a monogamous relationship?
- 89% of singles 25 and under
- 93% of singles 26-30But do you
- 92% of singles 31-40

Same-sex relationships, both monogamous and non-mongamous, seem to be healthier than ever. 98% of monogamous couples say they viewed their relationships as healthy and stable, satisfying and likely to continue fo the next five years. Non-monogamous couples were slightly less certain, but otherwise very happy. 92% of non-monogamous couples say they viewed their relationships as healthy, 91% said it was satisfying, and 86% said it would continue for the next five years.

Source: gaystarnews.com

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This Is the US Army's First Gay Active-Duty Marriage At West Point

2018-01-24T17:15:00.002-08:00

Two US army captains who met during ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ have become the first active-duty gay couple to get married at a famous military academy.

The wedding significantly took place in the glorious surroundings of the United States Military Academy West Point.

Capt. Daniel Hall, 30, and Capt. Vinny Franchino, 26 exchanged vows this weekend at the estate’s picturesque chapel, the New York Times reports.

The pair are Apache helicopter pilots. They met in 2009 when Hall was a senior and Franchino was a freshman.
It was at a time the former President Bill Clinton’s policy ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ was still in effect.

It stopped gay or bisexual members of the military from serving openly.

‘We were certainly never going to get kicked out of the Army’

‘We couldn’t tell the truth for fear of what would happen to us,’ Franchino told The New York Times.

‘So we put it in our minds that we were never going to say we were gay.

‘We were never going to get made fun of, and we were certainly never going to get kicked out of the Army.’

But even after Congress repealed ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ in September 2011 – it wasn’t an easy ride for the pair.

‘That’s where some guy called us both faggots,’ Franchino told The Times.

Though they had their first date in 2012, they were split up by a deployment. Hall was sent to South Korea with his Boeing AH-64 Apache attack helicopter. There he began dating other people.

However, the duo eventually got back together. And now dressed in their blue formal uniforms they have finally tied the knot.

Franchino said that although he’s been through a lot with his new husband, nothing was worse than when he had to hide his identity.

‘We’ve experienced everything from people feeling awkward around us to being called faggots while holding hands and walking down the street, stuff like that. But despite what we’ve been through, nothing was worse than having served during the ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ years.

Source: gaystarnews.com

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Gay HIV-positive Democrat elected as leader of New York City council

2018-01-04T16:36:00.002-08:00

A gay Democrat living with HIV has been elected as the new Speaker of New York City council.

Corey Johnson was elected to the role this week in a near-unanimous vote of the 50 city councillors.

Mr Johnson replaces the outgoing Speaker Melissa Mark-Viverito.

The new Speaker Johnson previously made history as the only openly HIV-positive politician in the State of New York, and has also pioneered LGBT rights.

Mr Johnson made national headlines as a teenager in 2000 when, as captain of his high school football team at Masconomet Regional High School, he came out as gay.

Aged just 17 at the time, Mr Johnson was featured in the New York Times and on 20/20 to talk about his life and LGBT rights. He later became a contributor for gay blog Towleroad.

He joined the New York City council representing the 3rd District in 2014, and has fought on issues including homelessness, criminal justice, health and women’s rights.

His confirmation as Speaker follows a tough race, but his nomination was approved by 48 votes to 1 – with council member Inez Barron the lone dissenter, lamenting the lack of African-American candidates.

Taking up the role, Mr Johnson noted the body’s role in LGBT rights reforms previously.

He said: “If we become unmoored and lose our way, we need only listen to the voices of those we represent to correct our course.

“At this time, 32 years ago, in this very chamber, the city council considered legislation that would finally outlaw discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation in housing, employment and public accomodations.

“As the AIDS epidemic was ravaging the gay community, supporters and opponents of the bill engaged in a long and bitter fight in this very chamber. Opponents said the bill would lead to societal acceptance of the LGBT community. And guess what? They were right.

“Let us continue to take on the important issues that may be considered controversial today but will be indesputable tomorrow. Let us continue to use the power of this body to be the voice for the voiceless.”

“I am incredibly honoured by the confidence you have placed in me.”

He also opened up about his childhood.

He said: “When I came out at 16 years old, I was suicidal, despondent and didn’t want to live.

“I told my mother that I was gay, and she told me that she loved me, unconditionally, without hesitating.

“A few months later, [I told] my grandfather. He was an 82-year-old Irish Catholic who went to Mass every single day.

“I said, ‘Grandpa, I have something to tell you.’ He said, ‘you’re killing me, spit it out!’. I said, ‘I told mum and dad that I’m gay’.

“He said, ‘Jesus, Mary and Joseph, I thought you were going to tell me you were a Republican! You can be gay, you just have to be a Democrat.’

“Grandpa, I’ve lived up to that end of the bargain – I’m gay and I’m a Democrat.

“Each one of us in this body has a story like that, no matter where we came from or what our life experience is. That’s the great thing about our city – it’s the most diverse city in the world.”

His fellow council member also paid tribute to Mr Johnson.

Council member Ritchie Torres said: “I first heard the name Corey Johnson 18 years ago. It was the year 2000, I was 12 years old, and I stumbled upon a documentary featuring a young Corey Johnson who as captain of his high school football team, found the courage to come out publicly in a conservative small town.

“He did so in a place where coming out could have meant painful ostracism from the only community he had ever known. I remember listening intently to Corey’s story as an adolescent coming to terms with my own identity.

“I remember being inspired then by his courage. Never once in those years did I imagine serving under the leadership of the very trailblazer whose story inspired me nearly two decades ago – but here we are, on the verge of elevating Corey Johnson to the Speakership of the Council.”

Delivering an invocation, Bishop Sylveta Hamilton-Gonzales of Q-Kingdom Ministries in Brooklyn said: “Eternal and ever-wise true and living god, our father and our mother, today we celebrate this pivotal moment in the history of our city with the election of Cory Johnson, our first gay male Speaker of the City of New York Council.

“Council member Johnson provides a crucial representation of courage, confidence and success in his leadership role for our transgender youth and for those that are struggling under pervasive challenges of oppression and rejection.”

Source: pinknews.co.uk

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Make Your Health A Priority This Year

2018-01-01T16:28:00.003-08:00

Everyone deserves excellent non-biased, non-judgmental, LGBT-affirming care. Seeing practitioners who are part of the LGBT community can heighten the relationship and improve outcomes. We can all maximize our health care by understanding our own personal needs and desires, with constant reevaluation and reassessment.

The rise of LGBT-friendly medical culture is addressing closeted issues head on. And it’s about time.

During the aging - or should I say, maturing - process, change recalibrates one’s expectations, and without constant analysis, we may never reach our true potential. Here’s what you should consider in order to maximize your sexual health consultation and care:

An Open and Honest Doctor-Patient Relationship

First and foremost, it is important to define your doctor-patient relationship. The true understanding of individuals comes through open lines of communication. As patients, we tend to put up so many barriers. But we need safe outlets where we can receive high-quality gender- and sexual-specific care. A true and honest relationship lends itself to the delivery of unsurpassed health care.

That being said, our country is so divisive in the care one receives that responsibilities tend to fall on the patient, demanding a practitioner with a comprehensive understanding of all the sensitivities and concerns that fall within the LGBT community.

All facets of your health - be it psychological, social, or physical - should be evaluated at least yearly, if not more, depending upon one’s risk. If this is lacking or missing, then find another practitioner who hits the mark. There are many accessible medical leaders, and now with websites - like Lighthouse LGBT - highlighting sex-positive professionals, the move is yours to make. Trust me, you will not be disappointed.

Your Sexual History: What the Doc Needs to Know

The cornerstone of the mind, body, and spirit lies within one’s sexual history. All the rest of the medical analytics are routine and standard across the profession, with limited standard deviation on the care one receives. Yet, the sexual taboo continues to be in full force in my profession and it is incumbent upon the client to be educated on the appropriate questions one should ask.

This ranges from defining one’s sexual interests and desires to functional and risk assessments, all helping to minimize any harm or disease. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has developed a simple categorization of sexual history questions to paint an accurate picture of what should be the gold standard of evaluation. It’s “The Five P’s For Sexual Behavior History Taking.” Let’s break it down.

PARTNERS

These questions are related to who your sexual partners are, how many partners you’ve had within a specified period of time; whether you’re single, monogamous, or open; and whether you’ve experienced any form of abuse.

PRACTICES AND PROTECTION FROM STIs

This includes detailed questions about the kinds of sex and sexual acts you participate in, and safer sex practices, preparation, and exploration.

PRACTICES: SUBSTANCE USE DURING SEX

These questions are about substance use and whether alcohol or drugs play a part in your sexual habits.

PAST HISTORY OF STIs

This includes detailed questions about STI positivity testing and treatment with a focus on any medical conditions stemming from STIs, along with education, prevention, and discussion of treatments, like the implementation of PrEP.

PREGNANCY PLANS

These questions are about pregnancy: education, planning, and prevention, without any LGBT assumptions.

The Yearly Must-Haves

Once the full sexual history is complete and everyone is satisfied that an appropriate understanding with risk assessment has been reached, the next steps fall within the actual physical exam, all to build on prevention or restoring one’s assets. The sexual exam is focused on an understanding that people are anal and oral individuals, and those with a vagina are vaginal individuals as well. This is what standardized care should be.

• Human Papilloma Virus (HPV) vaginal (for anyone with a vagina) and anal screening (for anyone who has anal sex) with anal pap smear. And, for high-risk HPV subtypes detected, a new anal chromosomal testing (called Terc-Fish), all for HPV analysis and cancer screening, prevention, or detection. For those with a vagina, a pap smear can be combined to screen for cervical health and HPV.

• Complete high-resolution microscopic external and internal anal canal inspection, allowing for detection of any localized issues (e.g. hemorrhoids, skin tags, warts, pre-cancer changes, or fissures).

• Full anal sphincter evaluation for optimizing and maintaining function or understanding limitations of engagement (pain on entry) or overall increased laxity (decreasing sensations or stimulation).

• Oral HPV sampling and assessment with oropharyngeal cancer screening, prevention, and treatment.

• Comprehensive prostate, testicular, penile examination.

• Complete dermatological evaluation, specifically focusing on sexual contact regions.

• Full STI panel including HIV: blood and urine; swabs of oral, anal, vaginal, and penile orifices.

• Evaluation for vaccinations and administration, if necessary (if negative for high-risk HPV subtypes, one may benefit from being administered the HPV 9 talent vaccine, even if over the age of 26).

Armed with a detailed understanding of a patient’s sexual needs and behaviors, as laid out above, a doctor or physician can truly get a sense of their client’s needs. From the information obtained, a physician can perform considerable analytics making sure the needs of the client are analyzed, treated, and maximized.

The beautiful thing about PrEP is that it mandates a full HIV evaluation every three months with the intent that the above content is constantly re-assessed and tweaked for optimization. I am a firm believer that the same standard should be held for everyone, regardless of PrEP practice, specifically if one is sexually active within the community.

I’m a huge car guy, so I always say everyone’s car is or has already broken down at one point in time, but having the full story and holding practitioners accountable for their lack in sensitivities or limited history and examinations is a must. We, as the LGBT community, must take responsibility for our actions - and the time is now.

At Bespoke Surgical, we are taking on the new norm for delivering superlative, sex-positive care with data and analytics to substantiate one’s practice, all with the intent for long-lived enhanced experiences. Here are three things you can’t forget:

• Find a doctor you feel comfortable
opening up to.

• Make sure you are honest and detailed about your sexual history and current habits.

• Demand standardized testing, treatment, and care with constant reevaluations.

Source: advocate.com

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Steps To Not Lose Yourself In A Gay Relationship

2017-12-29T17:49:00.001-08:00

Are you in a gay relationship right now? Do you feel like you’re losing yourself in your current relationship? Or are you so persistent on that person that you have forgotten your own life? Are you thinking why the spark seems to be gone? If you feel all these, you may be losing yourself. And you have to deal with it.

We want to provide you 11 steps to not lose yourself in your relationship. We want your relationship to last and for you to be happy.

Knowing how to not lose yourself in a relationship could be relatively hard from the start. After all, when you get into a relationship, the thing that comes into your mind is that you and your partner are now one, sharing one bedroom, sharing one house, etc. However, if you know that you are losing yourself in the process and it is becoming even more destructive, you need to start finding yourself again.

Below are the top eleven tips on how to not lose yourself and create a relationship that is more endearing and everlasting.

1. Keep Your Interest In Life

The very first thing that you have to do is ensure that you keep all your interest in life that you had or the activities you did before your partner arrived. If your partner doesn’t want to go hiking, it does not mean that you need to quit as well. Call your co-workers or your close friends and hang out every so often, it will provide him a reason to go out with his buddies. Many believe that the answer to being in a rapport isn’t pursuing anything which their dearest love doesn’t. This is wrong. You must still have a life of friends that you had before the relationship. You need continuity in your life and to abruptly stop is to lose interest in your own individual life.

2. Prioritize Sex

When knowing “how not to lose yourself “in a relationship, sometimes you turn out to be aloof with your partner. You can even set off ignoring sex and the whole thing that sex has to give because your not introducing what you need in bed to your partner. Well, the answer to this is to give emphasis to sex and you must definitely prioritize sex. It is being mutually compatible and both working towards each others’ satisfaction; suffice to say I am sure you wouldn’t appreciate the other party “faking it” or anything along those lines and would want them to be open and direct in terms of what they like and don’t like and then working towards something that leaves both of you happy overall. Simply put, if they’re happy then you may be, but it must be mutual and you should expect the same level of courtesy. Your partner must be involved in assisting you to keep your own individuality so communicate your sexual needs .

3. Communicate

Open or frequent communication with the partner is considered one of the things to consider if you do not want to lose yourself if you are in a relationship. Your partner will have your back always. Let him know about your feeling and he will surely understand that, because he loves you. Both of you are on a journey of discovery and both of you should communicate on where the relationship is going.

4. Do Not Lose Yourself

Simply because you are in a relationship does not mean that you need to forget about the whole thing that you love. In a relationship, it is so easy to get over-involved with talking about bills, your relationship and ordinary things in life, however you also need to time to talk about your feelings, your day, yourself and your life as a whole. Your partner must also be capable to perform the same.

"You must Love yourself first than any relationship is a plus but not a must."

5. Don’t Assume

You cannot assume that your partner is not feeling precisely similar way as yours. Your partner can be feeling like slipping away too, or your relationship is on sold footing and that is the reason why frequent communication must be on your mind. Always remember that you are in this as one and you must help one another.

6. Don’t Ignore the Presence of Your Partner

In many relationships, it only seems to take place naturally wherein one partner takes advantage of his or her partner. You have to ensure that you’re showing how bless you are for coming into his life, if you do this no doubt he will also do the same thing. It’s a perfect means to keep the relationship strong as well as for you to stay your personality. Also, do not get stuck in roles, for example, where you do all the cooking and he does all the grocery shopping. Change it up a little so both of you appreciate what both are giving to the relationship. It will not become stagnant.

7. Never Put Your Partner on a Pedestal

Your man is not perfect because nobody is perfect. The more you attempt to pressure him into that criterion, the more misunderstanding are going to take place and this can lead to the deterioration of the relationship. The main thing to keep in mind to not lose yourself while in a relationship is to become realistic; you have to be true to yourself and not to put your partner on a pedestal. It is not realistic. It is very hard to hold a person to that sort of perfection. He will make mistakes and you will have disappointments. . The disappointments could be huge because your putting him on a pedestal. He is human. You should try to see each other as equals.

8. Get Some Psychological Separation

It could be incredibly unhealthy, individually and for the relationship, to let you get lost in a relationship. If you believe that you may be losing yourself through this way, you must adjust your psychological state as possible as you can. A shift of focus back to yourself for a while is what you need in order for you to cope. When we’re feeling stuck in pattern that is not working anymore or in some sort of power struggle with your partner, we often don’t see our options anymore. We lose our ability to detach. This is when a psychological separation can be particularly useful.

It can be very empowering because if you lose your sense of righteousness while in a constant pattern of dis-agreement with your partner, you will gain some knowledge, clarity and insight and a objective analysis in the process so the negativity will be negated.

Never let yourself get so much wrapped up in your position. You do not have to be responsible for each detail. Keep in mind that there’s a whole big world waiting for you out there, and your mind must often be about looking at things with different perspectives.

9. Get Some Spatial Separation

Some of our readers have pointed out that they are with their partner 24/7 due to both being retired. One reader commented that it has been difficult at times. He feels like he is suffocating because both of them are always together.It is human nature to end up feeling imprisoned by the sense of being permanently glued together and always having to rely on one another for a source of fulfillment in everyday life. I suggest that if one is in that situation, both of you need to agree to carve a time where both of you will be independent from each other. For example, between 1 p.m. and 4 p.m. each day, you will not be with your partner. That time will be for you only. I also would suggest carving out a certain space in the house where you can call it your own. Tell your partner that you love being with him or her but reassure them that this is not about wanting permanent space from your partner; it’s about allowing for “growth space” as you continue to share your lives and love together.

10. Prioritize Your Family and Friends

Your relationship must not be your whole life. Your partner is vital, your bond is essential as well; however you also need to remember that you have family and friends as well. Never lose track of your friends and family members, in spite of everything, they will be the one who will comfort for if something goes wrong.

Being in love and in a relationship is awesome. Nevertheless, you also need to know how not to lose yourself if you are in a relationship. These are only some of the best tips available on how to not lose yourself. You can also share this with your friends and family to have a good and healthy relationship as well.

11. Assert Yourself

When you reach the stage wherein you and your partner tend to quarrel about small things, you may want to regain some point of view or perspective. It is essential not to let resentment develop.

You have to work on your communication with your partner, this is very important for a healthy relationship. You also need to make sure that you discuss things on a daily basis. And talking means discussing things without accusations and fighting, you only have to keep a comfort level. When you feel like you are losing yourself, you could find yourself again in and out of the context of the bond.

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Marriage Equality Is A Reality – So What's The Next LGBTI Battle?

2017-12-28T17:23:00.001-08:00

The marriage issue preoccupied activists in 2017 but it’s unclear whether that campaigning power can be harnessed for issues such as trans and intersex rights.

Easier gender changes on birth certificates. Preventing unnecessary surgery on intersex children. Gender education in schools and LGBTI acceptance in aged care.

These are just some of the LGBTI causes raised as priorities by Australian community leaders and activists keen to keep the ball rolling after the passage of marriage equality legislation.

A fact often lost in the postal survey debate is that marriage equality is not the be-all and end-all for queer people, for the simple reason that many are opposite-sex attracted and could already marry – particularly people who are bisexual, trans or intersex.

But now one of the last forms of discrimination before the law of gay and lesbian Australians has been lifted it remains to be seen if there’s enough solidarity to bank the win and move on to the next fight.

Anna Brown, the Equality Campaign co-chair, played a pivotal role in the marriage equality campaign and says it’s now time to refocus on trans and intersex rights and gender diversity issues.

“It’s only appropriate given how much these groups were targeted by the no campaign,” she says. “As a movement we have a responsibility to stand by them and make sure they’re not left behind … to amplify their voices.”

Whether it was the Coalition for Marriage’s ads about gender education or Cory Bernardi criticising a charity day allowing boys to wear dresses, much of the opposition to marriage equality had little to do with homosexuality. Brown suggests trans and gender diverse people were “collateral damage” in the campaign.

The executive director of Transgender Victoria, Sally Goldner, says the no campaign displayed “gross prejudice by implying there is something wrong with gender diversity when, of course, it just is [diverse]”.

Brown, the director of advocacy at the Human Rights Law Centre, is on a mission to remove “every last stain of discrimination” from the statute books.

She cites overturning the ban on same-sex adoption in the Northern Territory and access to assisted reproductive technology in Western Australia and the NT as the next cabs off the rank.

One change that is directly related to marriage is forced trans divorce. All states and territories except South Australia and the Australian Capital Territory require trans people to get divorced before they can change their gender on their birth certificates.

For people including the Greens’ LGBTI spokeswoman, Janet Rice, and her wife, Penny, the laws create an agonising choice between preserving one’s marriage or officially changing gender.

Penny will wait for the law to change before changing her gender, but Rice says legislation of marriage equality is already having a normalising effect for them.

“Penny and I have gone from being one of the very few same-sex couples legally married to being joined by thousands of others who had overseas marriages,” she says.

Although marriage equality is a big step forward for gay and lesbian Australians in particular, many of the issues affecting the trans and intersex community have little to do with saying “I do”.

Goldner represents trans and bisexual communities and points to the urgent need to flatten out disparities in mental health for these groups.

She says trans people and bisexual women “are more likely to be homeless and on the receiving end of domestic violence”.

She adds the need to make it easier to change gender on birth certificates, noting that only the ACT and SA allow changes without gender reassignment surgery.

That means in six states and territories children can’t change their birth certificate, even with parental consent.

The family court has allowed children to undergo stage-two hormone treatmentwithout going to court, with parental and doctors’ consent, but Goldner says adults still face “huge out-of-pocket costs” to transition gender.

“That’s often something that stops people living life as their authentic self,” she says.

The trans activist Kate Doak identifies the mental health needs of trans youth as the priority, citing the high rate of attempted suicide by trans children.

“Any form of program which responsibly prevents bullying, reduces instances of anxiety and depression needs to be the focus,” she says.

Rice says the Greens will be particularly focused on “removing prejudice against trans people”, citing the need to ensure equality in spheres such as sport and education. She says initiatives such as the anti-bullying program Safe Schools are “exactly the sort of program to end a culture of bullying and discrimination”.

Morgan Carpenter, the executive co-director of Organisation Intersex International Australia, says the key demand for the intersex community is for a prohibition of deferrable medical interventions, including surgery and hormone treatments, that alter the sex characteristics of infants and children without their consent.

“Many of us have experienced medical interventions to make our bodies appear more typically female or male, without our informed consent,” Carpenter says. “We know that such practices remain routine in Australian hospitals.”

Labor’s LGBTI spokeswoman, Terri Butler, points to the party’s 2015 platform which includes key demands including greater training for healthcare workers, removing out-of-pocket health expenses for transgender people and preventing unnecessary surgery on intersex children.

Labor wasted no time after marriage equality legislation passed, announcing a $53m package to combat HIV, including adding preventive medicine, PrEP, to the pharmaceutical benefits scheme.

Both Butler and Rice cite treatment of LGBTI people in aged care as a priority, noting that the government has reviewed the sector but more needs to be done to train staff and make aged care inclusive.

While marriage has been the exclusive focus for the Equality Campaign, the long list of causes to fight for raises the question: can it turn its guns on other sources of inequality? Who is going to do the work?

Carpenter’s answer is simple: the same activists and organisations that have always campaigned separately or together on lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans and intersex rights, which he says are not “new or newly significant” after marriage equality.

He disputes the idea there is an “LGBTI rights movement” in Australia, characterising it more as “different people and organisations involved in different campaigns and movements”.

Although the Equality Campaign was built for the marriage fight in Australia it would be an invaluable resource for further campaigns, with a massive database and social media following.

Brown says it engaged “a new generation of activists and campaigners”. She foreshadows consultation in the new year to determine if they are “motivated only by a particular cause” or have the “appetite to mobilise around broader LGBTI issues”.

She says she will be “disappointed” if the movement loses the goodwill, support and membership database built by the campaign.

Australian Marriage Equality’s co-chair, Alex Greenwich, said the campaign had been about “empowering people and I’d like to see that continue”.

That could be through “supporting other LGBTI causes, [or] supporting international campaigns for marriage equality and we have an immediate task at hand with the the Ruddock [religious freedom] inquiry to make sure that has no perverse impacts on the historic marriage equality vote,” he said.

Advocates want to avoid the re-emergence of proposed amendments to refuse weddings that were defeated in the same-sex marriage bill debate and Greenwich wants the review to reflect that religious freedom should not be seen as competing with LGBTI equality.

“We will work hard to protect the gains we’ve made, to work for new gains and to support the international effort.”

Greenwich, the independent state MP for Sydney, says he is working to remove forced trans divorce provisions and wants a review of discrimination laws which still allow schools to discriminate based on sexuality.

Another local cause is to address the high no vote in western Sydney. Greenwich says the campaign should be “supporting the LGBTI communities there and resourcing the multicultural communities to have important conversations … about how LGBTI people are part of every community”.

Greenwich is already back at work, spending the week after Australia became the 25th country in the world to legislate marriage equality at a conference for gay and lesbian legislators in the US.

“We’ve had a lot of setbacks and many lessons to learn throughout this campaign,” he says. “I am keen to support other marriage equality campaigns including in Japan, Vietnam, China, in South America including Peru and a few European jurisdictions like Italy.”

Another international project, mentioned by Brown, is the treatment of LGBTI asylum seekers, particularly pressing given that Australia sends gay male asylum seekers to Papua New Guinea, which has criminal laws against homosexuality.

Goldner says some bisexual and trans people felt left out by the marriage equality campaign, as some volunteers had talked about the need for equality specifically for “gay and lesbian” Australians.

She suggests “some sort of major roundtable to thrash this out privately” to allow LGBTI Australians to talk in a “safe process” and to remind everyone about the need for equality for all.

The LGBTI rights movement should be more like a powerboard, Goldner says, with the shared value of equality like the wall socket “that charges us all” but is able to power up to “five plugs at once”.

One innovation in this space is the Better Together conference organised by the Equality Project (unrelated to the same-sex marriage Equality Campaign), which aspires to be the new voice for LGBTI Australians.

The conference will be structured around caucuses for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, people of colour and queer Indigenous people to discuss their priorities.

The executive director of the project, Jason Tuazon-McCheyne, says the time is right to restart “a national gathering of LGBTI organisations and people” in the vein of homosexual conferences that occurred in the 1970s and 80s.

Tuazon-McCheyne says the LGBTI community must “celebrate” their achievements and diversity but constantly strive to “champion the causes of those who suffer”.

“We’re all the same in the sense that we’ve all faced the same marginalisation,” he says.

In his emotional speech to the Senate in the marriage debate the then attorney general, George Brandis, said passage of the bill “will demolish the last significant bastion of legal discrimination against people on the grounds of their sexuality”.

While the list of demands to achieve queer equality is still long, Brandis is correct that the instances of discrimination before the law of gay and lesbian people are now few.

Whether and how gay and lesbian Australians respond to calls for solidarity from the rest of the queer community could be the difference in whether LGBTI progress ends at the first two letters.

Source: theguardian.com

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My Boyfriend Broke Up With Me On Christmas Eve And It Was The Best Present I Ever Received

2017-12-24T17:12:00.004-08:00

"We need to talk," he texted completely out of the blue.

‘Lol it sounds like you’re about to break up with me,’ I jokingly replied.

‘Well, James – I don’t know what to say.’

I was stunned. He asked me to meet him at one of our favorite date spots by the river and we sat there in silence for what felt like an eternity.

‘Feelings have changed,’ he finally spluttered out.

This gay guy was dumped on Christmas Eve (Image: supplied)

Literally a few days before, we had been ice skating at a special Christmas rink in the centre of the city in Sydney, laughing as we picked up loose ice and playfully throwing it at each other.

And now here we were. Awkwardly hugging and faithlessly reassuring each other we’ll still be friends.

But why did he do it?

‘Feelings have changed.’ That’s all he said and that’s all I remember repeating to myself in disbelief as I drove home alone. I kept trying to piece together what happened, but I just felt completely blindsided.

When I got home, I slumped onto my bed and sobbed. It was the first time I had been broken up with and it hurt like hell.

The next morning, I woke up on Christmas Day and the festive spirit seemed drained out of my body with every tear I cried the night before.

Family delicately skirted around the empty place mat during Christmas lunch but no one said a word about it. Progressively, the sadness grew into anger at how sudden the whole break up seemed.

And to this day, I still don’t know exactly why he did it.

"That was the final straw"

I called an emergency brunch with my best friends in the days following to piece together exactly what happened. It was the type of brunch where ‘Men are trash’ is tacked on to the end of every attempt at consolation.

‘It doesn’t make sense,’ I repeated to anyone and everyone.

But then it just hit me.

I needed to make a change in my life. I was in a job I wasn’t satisfied with, I wasn’t in a relationship anymore and I wasn’t getting any younger.

So within the space of a week, I booked flights, applied for a visa and packed up my things – just over a month after the break up, I moved to London.

I had no idea what I was doing, I had no set plan and I had no expectations. This was a marked change from the rigid life plan I had forged when I lived at home.

"I feel thankful"

About a week after I landed in London, I met someone. We dated for a few months and then made it official. A year or so later, we got engaged and just a few months ago, we got married.

I’ve been traveling a lot and I also landed the job of my dreams, writing about issues I’m incredibly passionate about.

I’m typing all of this as I sit in my husband’s mum’s house, feeling blessed beyond belief – a much better Christmas Eve than that fateful day.

But if you told me I’d be in this position just a few years after that break up, I wouldn’t have believed you.

I feel thankful. Thankful my ex broke up with me and freed me from an ill-fitting relationship. Thankful for how things turned out, especially after they seemed so tough at the time.

Sometimes series of events happen and it may seem like the worst thing at the time. But it’s how you come back from them that shows how strong you can be.

So give the gift of adventure to yourself this year for Christmas. It may just turn out to be the best present you’ll ever receive.

Source: gaystarnews.com

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Stop Telling Me To Love My Body

2017-12-15T17:07:00.000-08:00

Imagine the perfect morning. You get up early, eat breakfast, shower long and luxuriously, put on a killer outfit, and head out into the world. On the train, a stranger says you look beautiful. You smile and thank them. But you already knew that, didn’t you?

Now imagine the worst morning. You oversleep, stub your toe, and, without a minute to shower, have to rub down your nasty bits with a baby wipe. You’re upset, smelly, puffy, cranky, hungry, limping, riding the metro in silence while wearing yesterday’s pants. And then, someone says you look beautiful.

Are you charmed? Or are you pissed that this stranger has such a blatant disregard for the way you feel about your own body that he or she feels entitled to lie to your face just to prove a point?

I’m not an idiot. I know when I’m beautiful and when I am gross. Trying to tip the scales of my self-image equilibrium is, frankly, insulting. For that reason, I will politely and firmly request that the body positive movement never interact with me again.

Let me be clear: I’m sure the body positive movement is hugely important to a ton of people. And I will own up to the fact that there have been times that the movement has said things that really helped me. All I’m saying is that I find the movement patronizing, and that-in my life at least-it causes a lot more stress than it relieves.

Growing up without any exposure to the body positive movement, I had no choice but to create my own defenses. It was a lot of work learning how to survive in a culture as toxic as the one gay men create. Somehow I figured it out, though, and I’m proud of myself for the work I put in.

So when I’m in the Greyhound station bathroom and there’s a post-it saying "You Are Beautiful" blocking my reflection in the mirror, you can understand why I might find it glib.

I don’t care if I’m beautiful right now! I’m late for my damn bus!

I resent the assumption that I am a passive receiver of the media’s negativity. I resent the assumption that the best defense I have against self-hatred is a vague affirmation by someone who has never laid eyes on me. I resent the assumption that I believe my body is imperfect, and that I’ve been waiting for someone to tell me otherwise.

If anything, having to face the constant reminders that I should actively be feeling good about my body makes me more self-conscious, not less. For the 20 pages of Martha Stewart Living before the ad popped up reminding me that “Your Body is Perfect,” I had forgotten that I always need to be aware of my physical form. The ad drags me back to self-awareness, and also implies that I was, for some reason, already feeling ashamed of my body while reading the first 20 pages of Martha Stewart Living.

Which brings me to my second point: the body positive movement does nothing to reduce how anxious I feel about my body. It merely changes the type of anxiety I feel. Instead of the constant pressure to have a perfect body, I have to contend with the constant pressure to love it just the way it is. The movement does not allow for a complex relationship between my self-image and my body-it just provides flat truisms about the value of all human bodies, and implies that any lapses in self-love are the result of a failure of will.

For these reasons, I respectfully ask the body positive movement to stop telling me I’m beautiful. I appreciate the intention, but I categorically reject any and all movements that tell me how I should feel about myself.

Please, let me feel bad about my body when I wake up with the flu and one of my eyes is crusted shut. Let me feel good about myself when I’ve eaten my obligatory kale and remembered to put on socks. And please don’t tell me I’m beautiful unless you’ve seen me enough times to know whether this rash on my neck is normal. It’s not! I ate some bad sushi! Stop trying to tell me I’m beautiful!

BY DREW KISER/ pride.com

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Australian Marriage Equality is a Bittersweet Win After Decades of Shame and Pain

2017-12-12T16:35:00.001-08:00

On Thursday, the Australian parliament finally passed marriage equality into law. I, like many other hopefuls, watched the live stream within the House of Representatives for hours. When the moment came, the public gallery erupting into chorus: “I am, you are, we are Australian.”
For the first time in a very long time, I felt pride in my country. In this moment, it could be easy for many to forget the pain that my community was subjected to over the past months. But, now that marriage equality is now a reality, it’s time to begin mending some wounds.

Yesterday’s result follows the non-binding $122 million, voluntary survey that swept across the entire nation, asking every Australian citizen to vote as to whether they thought same-sex couples deserved the some recognition as their straight counterparts.

(Same-sex marriage is a necessary first step in mending the wounds of the past.)

This was obviously problematic from the outset for a number of reasons. The nature of this survey meant that my government was willing to hoist an already-marginalised group into the spotlight and onto a pedestal for the rest of the country to point at and judge. The non-binding nature of survey also meant that, even if a yes vote came through, this still wouldn’t mean that gay marriage would be legal.

LGBTQ Australians subsequently had to deal with a lot of hostility throughout this period-the ‘no’ campaigns in particular was grounded on ignorance and propaganda. Conservative associations such as Marriage Alliance and Coalition for Marriage adopted fear tactics. “Stop the fags” posters began to appear, some rumoured to have spikes attached to the back of them as to harm those trying to tear the posters down. Anti-marriage equality advertisements were given air time; “school told my son he could wear a dress next year if he felt like it,” a mother said in one commercial, accompanied by fearful background music, which, for the record, even if that was true, what an absolutely beautiful school that would be.

Watching this wave of ignorance made me scared, but I wasn’t scared for myself. In all honesty, I found most of this rather humorous. I’m fortunate to be comfortable in myself, to know what’s just and unjust, and to have an incredible support system that lifts me up.

Instead, I was scared for the many at-risk and questioning kids who still don’t have that luxury. According to the National LGBTI Health Alliance, LGBTQI Australians between 16 and 27 are five times more likely to attempt suicide than straight Australians. “15.15% of LGBTI people aged 16 and over report current thoughts of suicide” in the past two weeks alone. 53% of trans folk in Australia over the age of 18 have self-harmed. The survey resulted in a further 20 per cent increase in young people accessing LGBTI support services. People lost their lives.

I was at the Victorian State Library with my queer brothers and sisters when the 'yes' result came through last month: 62% of Australians voting in favour of marriage equality. We knew this was the start of a new movement. Waves of rainbow smoke clouded us, streams of colour waved over our heads and Kylie Minogue’s “Celebration” started blasting from the stage. The screaming was almost deafening.

But, for the sea of hugs and tears that surrounded me, I couldn’t help but feel as though it was a bittersweet moment; although it was one of the first moments in history in which my government acknowledged LGBTQI folk as deserving of equal rights, there was also this sense of shame that it had to result in this way.

The Australian government has long found ways to manoeuvrer around, or blatantly ignore, the pain it has inflicted on the LGBTQI community, spanning back to the 60s, as well the 70s Gay Liberation movement. It will take more than marriage equality to the mend the wounds that my government has caused in my community over the past generations, but yesterday is a monumental first step. To those who fought before us, thank you for paving the way in a time when leaving one’s home and walking down the street was a matter of life or death.

To the Australian government, although you have an extremely arduous way to go about change, and could have saved $122 million, thank you for taking the first steps in acknowledging that our love is just as deserving of equal and legitimate rights.

Time and time again, the LGBTQI Australian community and their allies will always respond with strength, patience and love. I’m expecting invitations to many, many gay, glittery weddings. Stay tuned.

Source: out.com

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How To Meet Quality Gay Guys?

2017-12-07T01:11:00.000-08:00

I’m not a club-goer and I prefer to do anything else than go to a noisy bar or gay club where you feel like you have to look or act a certain way. I’ve never felt comfortable or like I could be myself which is why I understand you and thousands of other gay men like us don’t like being in “the scene.”

Having full acceptance that you’re not into the gay scene is a huge step to take and I’m here to tell you, welcome to the real party! In my opinion, it’s sooooo much better here.

Now let me give you some practical advice on where you can meet quality gay guys outside the club.

Most of us resort to dating apps like Grindr, Scruff, OkCupid or Manhunt, all with the hopes of connecting with our community or meeting the love of our life. Just like gay clubs, this is a way to meet other gay men - but it’s not the only way.

These apps typically attract guys just looking to hook up. These apps can be a community in their own nature, but they can leave you feeling rejected and lonely - especially when a hookup or encounter doesn’t turn into a meaningful friendship.

You actually don’t have to make friends in the gay community in order to feel fulfilled and satisfied. You don’t have to go to nightclubs or create a dating profile when you’re feeling lonely, bored or horny. You don’t have to put yourself in environments that make you feel uncomfortable. If you do, then you’re doing yourself a disservice and causing harm toward your mental hygiene which is the way you keep your mind and your emotions clean and spiffy.

Just like we need to stay hygienic with our physical bodies by brushing our teeth, taking showers and exercising, it’s equally as important to place ourselves in healthy environments that support our happiness and social well-being.

In order to make friends outside the gay scene, you gotta answer this one question: “What are your values?”

Do you value health? Do you value education? Do you value giving back to communities through volunteerism or entrepreneurship?

When you identify your values, then you can pick and choose communities that align with your values. There are plenty of activities that align with your values in your new city like hiking, yoga, video game clubs, book clubs, art studios, and seminars at local colleges and universities.

Going to these place and events that align with your values has got to be your number one priority because that’s where you’re gonna meet people just like you, regardless of whether or not they’re gay or straight, male or female.

The more often you show up (the keywords here are “show up”), you’ll begin to meet people who align with your values.

As you meet and mingle with these people, I want you to become proactive in doing these 3 three things:

First, get in the habit of introducing yourself.

It may feel awkward to introduce yourself to new people, but you just gotta suck it up and realize that some people are gonna become your friends and others aren’t. I always tell my students, some will, some won’t, so what, someone’s waiting. Make sure you remember that.

Second, always ask to exchange contact information.

Swap phone numbers or exchange email addresses. I’m gonna recommend you don’t start with social media here because it’s so easy to get lost in the noise and just become a cog in someone else’s social media wheel of doom.

Lastly, follow up and keep in touch.

Every time you meet someone you like, invite them out to coffee or invite them out to a non-work related activity.

Then when you have at least 3-4 new friends that you’ve bonded with, you can invite all of them over to your house to have a dinner party or plan a group outing together.

It’s your responsibility to take the initiative to make new friends and form new social groups, especially when you move to a new city. No one else is gonna do this for you, but now you have the exact steps to take to get a group of guy friends together, and you also know how to meet quality gay guys outside the gay scene.

What are your tips for meeting quality gay guys? Let me know in the comments below.

By Max DuBowy/ huffingtonpost.com

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Why I, As A Gay Man, Was Let Down By My Sex Education At School?

2017-12-04T22:19:00.000-08:00

Topher Gen on the importance of making sex education inclusive for everyone – irrespective of sexuality.

‘Who can tell me what these are?’

Our teacher held a box out in front of us, shaking it vigorously.

‘Anyone?’

He left the question open to the class, his words hanging in the air.

We all knew what he was holding; it was a box of condoms, yet we sat anxiously clutching our desks. A minute later a boy yelled, ‘Rubber johnnies!’ and the class lapsed into fits of laughter whilst the teacher marched him out of the room.

Teachers had to be tough or they’d get walked all over – teens pounce on weakness. Asking a 14-year-old to stop chewing gum in class was one thing; asking them if they knew what a condom was quite another.

(Topher Gen says kids deserve better sex education at school )

Ignoring LGBTI sex issues

As our first sex education class went underway I had two thoughts. The first was I’d rather be made to box at gunpoint than sit through this class. The second: why is our teacher not just skimming over the LGBT side of it, but ignoring it all together?

I felt my back stiffen every time the mechanics of sex between a man and women were discussed. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with: just don’t rub it in my face.

But what I was more confused about was why they weren’t covering the guy-on-guy, or girl-on-girl side of it?

Why was everything done by gender? Why was the teacher using such sickening cutesy-poo language? This wasn’t educating me in the slightest.

Fast-forward a decade and LGBTI-inclusive sex and relationship education isn’t yet compulsory in British schools. What’s more, sex education not only excludes LGBTI-youth, but can also promote prejudice against them.

Sex education classes currently leave LGBTI youth vulnerable

High schools can be hostile environments, particularly for LGBTI youth. This hostility can often be amplified by lack of awareness and education on same-sex relationships.

Without properly exposing teens to LGBTI-inclusive sex education classes, we run the risk of spreading ignorance, perpetuating negative stereotypes and leaving LGBTI youth vulnerable.

Right now, puberty is typically addressed in public schools by mundanely separating the genders, telling girls and boys what will happen to their bodies as they begin to grow up. But, what if you aren’t cisgender? What if you don’t identify to the sex you were born?

By excluding vital pieces of information transgender teens won’t properly learn what puberty will look for them and, more importantly, how to handle it.

Body parts do not have genders, so hearing them talked about in a way that associates them with a gender they don’t identify with can not only be upsetting, but can lead to serious health issues – both mental and psychical.

Education on puberty specifically talks about males having a penis and women a vagina. How jarring is that for a trans youth?

If they already feel uncomfortable in their own body, then that kind of language can be extremely detrimental. You don’t have a male arm or a female leg: they’re just body parts.

‘Why isn’t this a compulsory part of the curriculum?’

Schools should educate on what happens to body parts during puberty, not genders.
According to a survey published by Stonewall in early 2017, the report found that nearly half of LGBT pupils (45%) are bullied for being LGBT during school. Those figures are thankfully down on previous years, but it also found that four out of five trans young people, and three in five LGB young people self-harm during their time at school.

By denying teens LGBTI knowledge schools are effectively making the subjects seem taboo.

So, why isn’t this a compulsory part of the curriculum? The Conservative UK government cited ‘concerns’ from faith schools as one reason, but I fail to see how faith is more important than the well-being of LGBTI youth.

I refuse to believe that the heterosexual and cisgender pupils of faith schools would be shocked or their minds polluted by LGBTI-inclusive sex education classes.

Let’s be real: most teens are armed with smartphones and internet access. If they want information they can get it. So, unless those concerned parents want to start exorcising their child’s iPhone then they need to let their children be properly educated.

‘I did not choose to be gay anymore than my brother chose to be straight’

The health and safety of LGBTI youth shouldn’t be held ransom by the ‘God doesn’t like it’ mob. Sexuality is not an opinion: it is an immutable fact.

I did not choose to be gay anymore than my brother chose to be straight, yet he was afforded a more lucrative education about sex than I was.

All I took from sex education classes was how to put on a condom on various vegetables and that I couldn’t get pregnant. I spent most my high-school life thinking condoms were optional for gays. It wasn’t until I gained some traction from real-life encounters with guys that learned the real risks and dangers (also that most guys typically don’t have a cock the size of a cucumber!).

If schools refuse to add LGBTI-inclusive sex education classes, then they should fall foul to poor ratings.

Source:gaystarnews.com

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