source: imagetreephotography.com

I took 3 days off from the hospital to refocus some of my goals and let me tell you it has been an amazing whirlwind of a long weekend.  I am writing to tell you that LoveNotLipo will be on a mini hiatus for a while, as I need to find the time somewhere to work on my book and meet my goals within the time-frames I have designated.  The good news is, there are lots of suprises in store for Evo-Life in the upcoming month or two, and I can’t wait to unveil them!!!  I will still check in the LnL periodically and give updates so stay tuned!!

All that we are is the result of what we have thought.

The mind is everything.

What we think, we become. -Buddha

“Hey!  You know who you look like?  Don’t take offense because you’re far more beautiful than her but….Cat Lady.”

So just to clarify, it took me, the patient, and one of the other Direct Care Workers a minute to sort out that she did not mean Cat Woman…

She meant Cat Lady…

She went to explain that she thinks I look more like Cat Lady prior to the surgeries…but being that you don’t see pictures of that very often, I’m not so sure.  The funniest part of this story, is that, check out the pictures above… I weirdly know what she means!!  My big prominent Polish features could look somewhat like a cat or a lion, I guess, big blond hair… etc… I told her I her I was going to stick my original belief that she meant Michelle Pfeiffer.  We all laughed hysterically at the exchange, and I instantly knew what I was blogging about next.

On another topic, guess what I had for dinner last night?  3 bowls of chips.  Awesome!!  Anyone who knows me well or follows this blog knows I don’t generally eat like that.  When I finished eating, I said the following statements, literally out loud:

• “I love chips.”
• “I love that I didn’t feel like cooking tonight, so I didn’t.”
• “I love that I am a healthy eater in general and that I live a lifestyle such that every year I weigh less than I did the year before, and I still eat what I want.”
• “I love that I am a beautiful girl….although I may resemble a mountain lion.”  (just kidding, I didn’t say the mountain lion part.)

In all seriousness though, I laugh at life and it makes me feel better about anything that is happening.  I choose what thoughts I have in situations that could theoretically cause me stress, and three bowls of chips and being analogous to a plastic surgery nightmare were just irrelevant moments in eternity.  It’s going to be an amazing today…I can feel it!

Thinking positive thoughts to create positive outcomes is not about eliminating negative thoughts.  This is a key piece to remember.  A lot of people balk at the idea of the power of positive thinking or the laws of attraction because it feels disingenuous or unrealistic…for as many gifts as life does offer, you simply cannot deny that it is  also fraught with disappoints and despair as well.  Anyone who has suffered a loss can tell you that.  Attracting positive outcomes is actually not about eliminating negativity from our lives, it’s about making a decision of what we pay attention to.  Training the brain to switch one’s attention away from that which scares us, to that which we love, is where the work comes in.  I believe that simply making the choice to move in that direction immediately starts to bring rewards if you are open to seeing them.  For me, since I get very caught in my head sometimes, pictures can be an effective intervention in managing my thoughts.  I look at pictures of things that I love and that make me happy, and I immediately start to feel at ease.

I sat down to write and opened my internet browser this morning and it defaulted to Bing and I studied the picture of Glacier National Park in Argentina that Bing was featuring today.  I thought to myself about how Bing supports my mission because they always post pictures of some of the most beautiful places on earth, and how amazing it is that we have no idea what is even out there on our planet when we are so caught up in our own tiny communities.  (I am slowly starting to feel better and more inspired)  Next, something else I love caught my eye.  At the bottom of the page, Bing features topics that everyone is talking about.  The first one listed said “Oprah Nielsen.”  Hmm….  I thought it was Oprah Winfrey?  I clicked on the link just to see if it was the same Oprah (cuz how many can there be) and was brought to an article describing how Oprah had issued an apology for “begging” her viewers who have a Nielsen box to watch her TV network OWN.

I seriously love Oprah.  Perhaps Oprah’s most prominent feature is the fact that she is a powerhouse of a media mogul, but this is not the true reason I love her.  Oprah’s authenticity surrounding her insecurities and flaws in the context of all of her success is truly moving to me.  Oprah has said that what drives her success is that she always felt like she had to prove something because she never felt good enough.  Well in my eyes, she proved it.  And the humility she still possesses is a lesson to me that achieving in life is not about being perfect.  I do not have to have “perfectly trained thoughts” to get where I want to go.  In fact, being imperfect, aware of my imperfection, and honest about it, could possibly separate me from the pack.  In my eyes, Oprah is separated from the pack as a result of the vulnerability she chooses to share with the world.

She is in trouble for making a comment on twitter urging her fans to watch her network and increase her ratings.  She issued an apology, and now it is front page news.  Even in my small scale life, it is easy for me to imagine impulsively and excitedly making some similar type of error, and the embarrassment I would feel if this were misinterpreted as desperate or impure in motive.  It certainly wouldn’t make front page news, and would probably be forgotten pretty quickly.  I imagine it is no easy feat for Oprah to shake off the public blasting she receives when she mis-steps.  I hope Oprah finds my blog post so that she knows that I am grateful that today I saw her name this morning.  Oprah’s silly “mistake” resulted in her name being posted on Bing, which resulted in my seeing something I love, which resulted in my being inspired on a topic to write about, which resulted in my complete energy shift. She is vulnerable to being swept up in the negative focus that is on her at the current moment, which would be totally unfortunate, for there are many people focusing on her amazing presence on this earth, myself being one of them.  We are all truly are what we chose to focus on….even Oprah.

It was a pivotal moment for me in my own eating disorder treatment 15 years ago when the therapist said to me, “do you realize that your life is right now? And it passing you by at a rapid pace, while you are sitting here wishing and waiting for it to start.” It is when I am both grateful for what I have currently, and focused on what I love, that I bring more of that which I love, into my life.

This morning when the alarm went off at 4:45 I momentarily thought to myself, “I’m too tired, I can’t wake up right now,” and then I reminded myself how much I love being up when the world is quiet, with my cup of French Roast in my white sweater mug, alone with my positive thoughts of the present, and abundant dreams of the future. And so now here I sit re-working my goals for the next 1-5 years with profound optimism.

FYI, my life is not without struggles.  Profound optimism is the choice that I’m making, and this was not in my mental vocabulary sitting on that therapists couch in 1997, for example.  And when I think back to where I was versus where I am now, I am truly already a success story.

Believe me, he’s smiling on the inside.

You can think it’s hokey or an unrealistic exaggeration that just our thoughts are the number one determining factor in our outcomes, but I challenge you to spend even just one day non-judgmentally monitoring your thought process.  Notice how many times you take in a breath to begin telling a story that criticizes someone else, how many times you take  pause in what you’re doing when a feeling of fear or disdain enters your mind, how many times you find yourself projecting an unpleasant image or outcome of your future.  I think you will be shocked at the frequency of these occurrences.  I know I was.

We as human beings are far more comfortable focusing on external circumstances as measures of our reality, than our internal processes as predictors of our future outcomes.  Consider shifting your focus today to your thoughts, versus your circumstances.  If you usually walk around feeling broke and uneasy about your financial future, imagine instead “How would I think if I were rich today?”  Would I think about being more charitable to others?  Would I feel more confident walking down the hallway at work?  Would I think nothing of having conversations with others that used to annoy and overwhelm me?   Would I feel inspired to make some new fiscally sound decisions…inspired, not deprived.

If you normally feel “fat” (although I frequently remind my clients that fat is not a feeling) imagine instead asking yourself “How would I think differently if I were physically fit today?”  Would I think that healthy foods will fuel this physical powerhouse that I am?  Would I think that “I can’t wait to go to the gym after work and let go of all the days intensities with a good sweat session,”?  Would I believe that people probably noticed my shiny attractive presence, and found me attractive, for I feel like it’s emanating from me.

In examining the examples I have laid out, can you see how you would likely get better external outcomes just by replacing the negative thought patterns you noticed when you took inventory, with these new thought patterns you have adopted.  Before you assume that “it will never work,” consider the idea that we are creatures that incredibly comfortable with status quo.  We are risk averse because if we don’t make changes, we can always blame external circumstances on our outcomes.  If we consider that our own thoughts drive our own actions that create our own outcomes, there is ownership there.  Personal responsibility.  I am responsible for the condition of my life.  Some people feel scared of this because no one or nothing else to blame.  I personally think this is the most optimistic and emotionally freeing concept there is.

I will share that in my own life, I notice these principles affecting even the simplest and most subtle facets of my life.  Conversations with colleagues or loved ones that have the potential to feel intimidating or uncomfortable, feel productive and non-emotionally laden.  I do not think there’s problem, so amazingly, there isn’t one.

Even if this blog entry comes through as blah blah blah psycho-babble, I invite you to just do one exercise and stop there.  Notice each time the fearful, critical, cynical, or hateful thoughts bubble up in you throughout today.

If you’re feeling really crazy today, like a crazy wild risk taker, take the next step:

Think the most loving thought you can conjure up.  If your negativity was towards someone else, picture them like a cute little bird, injured from circumstances in the course of their lifetime, and love them where they are, flaws and all.  If your negativity was towards yourself, think of yourself as the most beautiful, innocent, and shining star of a human being, deserving of love, support, and every amazing gift life is about to bring you.  See what happens…

As we got closer to our destination, Todd said “Look there’s our chapel!”  And through the bare winter trees, I could see the site of our wedding ceremony just 10 short months away!  I tried to imagine the same trees all dressed up in their autumn splendor.

We arrived at the Inn and I said to Todd how special it is that we have a place where it all began, that we can continue to come to for years, and as our family expands.

We were staying in “Sarah’s room,” which is a perfect little room facing the woods behind the house, with two lush arm armchairs and a fireplace.  I guess this is what happens in the first ten minutes of arriving if you don’t have a TV:

"Isn't This Romantic?"

After dinner we spent the evening in the living room relaxing.  Todd did crossword puzzles and I looked at books with wedding ideas to get inspired.

I personally love an early bed time and a restful sleep on a quick weekend trip, because I wake up early so rested and refreshed!  While Todd was in the shower, I put on my boots right over my pajamas and slipped out the french doors our bedroom into the brisk early morning sunshine.  The room we are staying in for our wedding night is directly next to us, looking out on the same back woods.  Standing there by the wood pile I felt emotional thinking about the years of history in this very spot, and how in just a few short months I will be standing in this same spot, now somebody’s wife, immortalized as part of the inn’s history.

Afterwards, we went downstairs and had a delicious home cooked Vermont breakfast before getting on the road and heading home.

Since this is a Health and Wellness Blog, I will conclude by saying that I highly recommend brief, inexpensive little trips in the dead of winter, to be somewhere beautiful and do absolutely nothing.  It’s good for the soul, and for personal productivity.

Wouldn’t you know that I went on to have bad dreams last night.  UGH!!!  I woke up grumpy, but as I was preparing to sit down to write this morning, I poured a cup of coffee and started giggling at the irony.  The book says our lives mirror the dream process because we create our dreams with our thoughts, and here I am having a bad dream right after a read the chapter.  Hmmm…sounds like I may have some work to do.  So I started thinking about the themes in my dreams last night, and realized not only were they not “bad” per se, they were messages about my tendency to not notice or believe in the love around me, my own value, and my inability to make decisions.  The dreams were not bad, but waking up grumpy showed me that my reaction to the content was bad, (even in my sleep state,)  and that needs to change.

In last nights chapter, Wayne went on to talk about the concept of willingness, and openness.  He used his own incredible story of pursuing his professional goals to illustrate the concept of “willingness” when pursuing our dreams.  This started off as the age old concept of “if you want your dreams to come true, you have to be willing to make what ever sacrifice to get there.”  He shared that in his conferences, members of the audience sometimes ask “I have slaved for years trying to make my dreams come true and I still haven’t achieved them, why am I different?”  He says that he responds “What is it that you were not willing to sacrifice to achieve them?” and they always went on to list things they weren’t willing to give up– ie uprooting their family to pursue a dream, leaving the security of a full time job etc.

I have to say, whenever someone talks about “doing whatever it takes,” a subtle feeling of dread usually bubbles up for me.  I feel pressured and scared!!  But now this is where the chapter really got interesting for me.  He actually addressed that exact concept and said that “doing whatever it takes” to pursue your dream should not feel like suffering.  Perhaps if it feels like suffering, you are pursuing the wrong dream.  The process starts with “willingness” but continues with “openness.”  Openness is the idea that you perceive every day that brings you closer to your ultimate dream as a gift and an enrichment of your life.  It got me thinking, this subtle shift is really not so subtle and could take one’s quality of life from a place of fear, uncertainty, and dread, to a place of expectancy, richness, and optimism.  You are waiting to accomplish a goal, but along the way, a million mini gifts reveal themselves.  That sure makes the day a lot easier to face, doesn’t it??

I am interested to see the mini gifts that today will bring, and I am grateful for the lessons I learned from my unsettling dreams.  Look out!! I’m gonna go make some decisions today!!

I have always been somewhat of a bull in a china shop when it comes to accomplishing goals and scratching things off my to-do list, so I am no stranger to self improvement.  However, I have had a gnawing feeling in the last year or so that I really need to “transcend” my current existence.  I think I may have hit the proverbial wall in the House of Self Improvement.  I have had moments of clarity when was in the creative zone, and my goals and aspirations seemed clear and effortless, but those moments slip away, and are replaced quickly with “real life.”  I put “real life” in quotes, because in my observation, this is what the average person (myself included, for most of my life) believes is the normal way to live–  we believe t’s “corny” to “transcend.”  Unrealistic to believe all things are possible instead of focusing on getting through the tasks of the day.  A list of tasks with bull-in-china-shop-tunnel-vision-focus is simply not transcendent.

If there is one thing that has been highlighted again and again as I do my research, it’s that in the aforementioned sentence, “real life” should be replaced with “fear and negativity.”  Just in simply paying attention to what comes up for me when I slip out of creativity, and back to reality, time and again it is a fearful or negative thought or assumption.  The trick here, because the habit is so deeply imbedded, is not to criticize or be fearful of the critical or fearful thoughts.

For example, I have been thinking a lot about how to meet my long term goals, and this weekend I made decision to try to start waking up early to find more time in the day when it’s quiet and I function best to write, research and meditate.  This morning, my alarm clock went off early, and I was immediately filled with dread.  My engagement ring was so tight from all the salty food I ate this weekend that I could barely work it off my finger.  My eyes looked puffy and I felt physically exhausted.  As I focused on unpleasant thoughts about my physical form, more fears were hurling at me about time, the rest of the day, my lifestyle in general, and I became nearly frozen, overcome with fear about my ability to transcend anything this morning. The typical next thinking phase would be: “Dammit!  I am so fearful!!  How can I call myself a professional and accept people’s money to help them get better when I can’t even practice what I preach??”  With this next and final thought, my beautiful morning plan would come to a screeching halt, and I would not be sitting here in the dark, producing.

So I stood in my bathroom, looked in the mirror at my puffy tired eyes and instead I said to myself, “This research is fascinating.  It’s true! When I pay attention, I notice that time and again I default to thoughts of fear and negativity!”  But here is the key piece: my fear and judgement is not what stops me.  It’s the power I give them.  I think where I got in trouble before is that when the fear crept up, I immediately felt like a failure again.  This morning I said, “Oh, here is evidence for my research.  I am noticing that I am currently having fearful and negative thoughts, because that’s what I sometimes do, and there is no judgment attached to that noticing.  I just am.  And now I’m going to pour myself a cup of coffee and sit down to write.

Suddenly I realize I accomplished my goal.  It’s 6:30 am, and I am alone with the world.  I am already a success today and not even a puffy face could have stopped me.