the Water and the Winds

"The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."

Tue, 26 Dec 2017 11:02:27 -0800

“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”

- John 1:5

"And David danced before the LORD with all his might."

Wed, 22 Nov 2017 21:45:56 -0800

“And David danced before the LORD with all his might.”

- 2 Samuel 6:14

Calling Samuel

Thu, 27 Oct 2016 02:18:02 -0700

When the voice of God calls, you know you have to respond, even if it means getting out of bed.

This past Sunday, I woke up in the middle of the night with a burning tenseness in my shoulders. My eyes were glazed and heaviness was over me, but I could not fall asleep. The fire in my shoulders spread down to my bones, such that even my bones itched. I shook myself and stretched myself and after a violent amount of flailing I put myself back to sleep.

The night after, I woke again, and realized the same tenseness was about to take over me. But then I remembered reading 1 Samuel 3 earlier in the day, where Samuel responds to God’s call by waiting and listening. So I waited.

God reminded me of how my parents have been unable to sleep recently, as they have been stressing over the next steps in my life. I knew that my waking up was related. The prior evening, my family had a rare discussion about faith. I was able to present the good news of redemption, but was met with stubbornness and bitterness from my father.

I begun to see that there was a stronghold over my dad, that there was a power that was closing his heart, but also, tormenting him. He frequently has tremors and begins struggling violently while asleep. I knew I was awoken so I could pray.

Of course, God is a God of action, drawing us to do more than just respond with words. He told me to get out of bed and go over to my parents’ room to pray for my family. Reluctantly, I dragged myself out of bed, but in my mind I smiled, chuckling like I do the other times God calls me in this way.

I snuck over and prayed against the spirit of fear, torment, and iniquity. I know that these things aren’t cast out yet by this one act, but God used this to form in me a heart to pray for my family. And through this act, I began to have faith again in the power in the name of Jesus, and His blood.

Back in bed, I found a message from a friend praying for my life’s next steps, and I was able to share what had happened. The spiritual battle is bigger than a solo fight, and God calls us each to participate.

Other notes: I started looking up the passage where Saul is comforted by music, due to an evil spirit upon him. This feels very close to what my dad may be going through. I also prayed over a spirit of dryness in myself, manifested by the dry skin on my hands and fingertips. I know God is healing me from this, as a symbolic gesture for the start of my work in ministry. Finally, I was led to read where the spirit of God caused even Saul to prophesy, and was reminded of when I first was saved and begun prophesying. God reminded me to seek this powerful encounter again.

Anyways, night ministry is the best. There’s no clearer call from God than when He wakes you up.

Journaling Again

Wed, 19 Oct 2016 22:45:32 -0700

It’s been a while, but after being reminded by my Pastor to just write, a difficult set of days led me to see the value of writing.

There is much in memory (even recent memory) that I want to write about. Things like leaving my job, guided by His word, or my recent trip to Europe, or His divine plan in setting up an opportunity for me for missions. But the only way to go forward and keep this a regular thing is to journal daily, or at least about the now.

The past weekend was a missions conference. Well, actually the past three weekends were mission conferences. The first weekend gave me God’s call: an opportunity to go out into the field, and for a long period of time. The second weekend was bringing others into this opportunity: people that vouched for me, informing my parents, connecting with others in the field… I was quite exhausted from what seemed like a million divine appointments.

The third weekend, finally, was realigning with God. After the excitement at the prospects of going on missions, and the logistics of preparing for it, God reminded me that the point of this was not for me. It was not my adventure for the sake of adventure, it was not my future for the sake of my future. This is God’s heart, manifested in a process that involves us. This is God’s heart, to bring His kingdom to the lost. He gave me more peace about the opportunity, that it was His doing and His administrative work that set this up. All I had to do was obey, but more importantly, align my heart with His.

The following days (the past few days) have been difficult. Difficult from falling into sin, difficult from losing grasp of what I should be pursuing now. Without a job, I have a lot of free time, but it seems like a lot of it goes towards… I don’t really know where the time goes.

I had many moments of confusion and feeling lost, and felt like I was just drifting through the waters of life again, with no way to steer. I was disappointed at personal failures to get things done, I was seeing my plans come out inefficient and incomplete. My Arabic class, for instance: through a rough decision process I decided not to attend the class anymore, but even this is met with resistance from the external situation and my internal battle. I worried about paying for a class I would not complete, and worried from feeling like I would miss out on a good opportunity.

I had difficulty planning even where I was to stay, at either my parent’s or my apartment, as I also had to figure out my housing situation if I was to leave the country.

I felt like I had no discipline whatsoever, as I desired to study the word and to worship, but could not get myself to live structured. I felt like a weak mess, literally sitting in the dumpster of my disheveled apartment (my roommate had just moved out!).

But as I was on my knees, confronted with my sin, my lack of discipline, my inability to perform optimally, and my inability to make decisions, I opened up to God. And He reminded me that He chooses to use the weak, the broken, the meek.

So slowly but surely, I got back up and pressed forward.

And He reminded me to worship, as looked up some worship music that was in my head.

And He reminded me to delve into His word, as I came across old emails with Bible memorization plans.

He reminded me of who I was in Him: a sheep with a Shepherd.

(And He reminded me to journal… well I guess my Pastor told me that.)

I am one born of the Spirit. He leads and I follow. I may not know what my next steps will be, but He makes the way forward, and I just have to walk. Abba, I know You will make Your plans for me come to fruition. Help me be one that has a foundation built on You and Your word.

Fruit

Fri, 26 Feb 2016 00:20:51 -0800

There are two ways to develop the qualities of a person’s character, such as self-control or patience. One is by discipline and correction, using mental desire and practice to strive for these qualities. When you fail, you try again, and again, until maybe, it becomes second nature.

The other way is by the Spirit. Live by the Spirit, live the new life you have, let the fruits of the Spirit be your first nature. Your old nature has died, you are no longer trying to add qualities to your old character, you are a new life in the Spirit!

I need to stop trying to obtain fruits in the flesh, but fruits of the Spirit.

"A life without compromise"

Mon, 08 Feb 2016 22:22:17 -0800

“A life without compromise”

2015 was the year of change;2016 will be the beginning of a new normal.A richer way to live,A higher...

Thu, 31 Dec 2015 23:52:55 -0800

2015 was the year of change;

2016 will be the beginning of a new normal.

A richer way to live,

A higher sky to reach,

A step to walk on water.

"I will NOT let my joy be taken away! A fruit of the Spirit is joy, and I have the Spirit, and hence..."

Mon, 07 Sep 2015 22:04:33 -0700

“I will NOT let my joy be taken away! A fruit of the Spirit is joy, and I have the Spirit, and hence I have joy. There is no striving, there is no straining, I live by the Spirit, I live in the joy.”

- <3

An Unoffendable Heart

Sat, 15 Aug 2015 09:23:30 -0700

A while ago, I witnessed a situation where I felt that someone was speaking out of line, making a decision for a group that overstepped his role and subverted the church leadership placed over him. My heart grew offended from his tone and wanted to reprimand him, and expected a critical response from the leader. But the Spirit’s wisdom told me to wait and see.

Later, the leader simply responded in agreement and appreciation, and moved the rest of the discussion forward.

With the leader’s response, my perspective changed ,and my heart grew warm again.

Through this, I learned of how to release and submit the offense I feel to those placed above me; ultimately, this would be released to God, and the Spirit for the day to day.

When we encounter something that stirs feelings that pierce the heart, it is important to look to the Father and see how His attitude remains. Once we see, we know the appropriate response, and often times, it is not for us to be offended! He knows and searches all hearts, and His way is a way that furthers the kingdom immediately. Turning to Him sets us free from the bondage of unnecessary bondage and wrath; only when His anger is kindled, is when we know something is truly wrong.

I look to the parable of the lost son, and of the father’s response when his child returns. It is not of anger or reprimand, like the elder brother may suppose, but of love and embrace. The elder brother, if truly rooted in his father’s household, would see the father’s embrace and turn away from his own callous and offended heart.

We have a Father whom we can look upon!

Men’s Retreat

Tue, 11 Aug 2015 23:03:11 -0700

My church’s men’s retreat was an amazing and memorable experience.

I had been on the planning committee for the past six or so month. I got to witness God bringing it together. A lot times, I had to let go and believe that the Holy Spirit was the one making this happen, and not the schemes of man. I found that during our planning, God put to rest all the issues I had, as others voiced what was in my own heart.

God told me that the best thing I could do to prepare for the retreat was to spend time with Jesus. So, leading up to the retreat, I found myself worshipping more and more and enjoying time in His presence.

The retreat itself was an amazing time of bonding and fellowship. We arrived at the site late, after a slow lunch. The place was beautiful and we settled in.

I had to lead the first session, and was very unprepared, but God made things happen just in time. I had only really finished planning what we would do during the session the week before. We started off with a game where we constructed sheep out of newspaper and tape. To my surprise, many people enjoyed it. It was supposed to represent Jesus’ parable of the lost sheep amongst the ninety-nine.

I then had to start by leading worship, which was something I hadn’t done in a very long time. I only finished assembling the powerpoint lyrics moments earlier, and was unsure of how to begin. God put on my heart to start the time off with openness and honestly, by inviting others to come as they were. I had to do the same for myself!

I was able to lead four songs, and I prayed in between some songs. I wanted to emphasize that the worship should be honest and from our hearts, and that it was acceptable to be silent or still.

After worship, I was surprised to learn that many were blessed by these songs, as the songs were sung when they were growing up. I knew God was the one who selected these songs when I prepared the worship set earlier in the week. It was a blessing that the songs were familiar to many of the attendees, as it relieved me of that burden and made it easier for people to feel invited.

We then transitioned to a time of sharing from the small group leaders. The topic was about one part of their identity that they found most important, and how God brought them to that realization. Many of the leaders shared, but then someone who was not a leader wanted to speak up. He was one of the older attendees in our group, and it brought me close to tears hearing how he wanted to be a child of God. This set the tone for the rest of the retreat, at least for me.

We then broke into small groups, and I was blessed to be the youngest and receive by listening to the trials and triumphs of the older brothers. Together we bonded through our testimonies. For the rest of the retreat, everyone bonded and became friends and family. We got to witness people coming or returning to Christ.

I am looking forward to what God will do in our steps together towards discipleship. I hope I can continue to humble serve and step forward when God calls me to, with these brothers.

"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest."

Sat, 25 Jul 2015 23:22:48 -0700

“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.”

- Jesus

"I need to meet this man Jesus"

Thu, 09 Jul 2015 00:29:21 -0700

“I need to meet this man Jesus”

- <3

Lavish

Sun, 28 Jun 2015 09:02:15 -0700

There are moments in life where you behold the love of God. Wow! It is renewed and clear again, the depth of the Father’s love for you.

We can sit with God, listen and receive as He pours His love on us.

But do we remember that His second commandment, after loving Him back as the first, is to “Love your neighbor as yourself?”

Surely, the love of God to which we treat ourselves must be extended to our neighbors. So now, we get a sense and longing for His mission: to lavish this love of the Father not only on ourselves, but onto others.

John 5:6

Thu, 11 Jun 2015 00:39:22 -0700

Jesus said to him, “Do you wish to get well?”

It’s really interesting that Jesus asks this question. I do not believe it was rhetorical. If the man had said, “No, I am content,” I think Jesus would not have healed this man.

Just something to think about, especially over our own lives.

John 4:43-54

Wed, 10 Jun 2015 00:32:52 -0700

When [the royal official] heard that Jesus had arrived in Galilee from Judea, he went to him and begged him to come and heal his son, who was close to death.
“Unless you people see signs and wonders,” Jesus told him, “you will never believe.”
The royal official said, “Sir, come down before my child dies.”
“Go,” Jesus replied, “your son will live.”
…So he and his whole household believed.

Jesus, please show your healing hand so that all of us may believe.

This official already had hope in the healing power of Jesus, and so he came to Him first. But when the miracle is then performed, not only the official, but his whole household comes to believe in Jesus.

Lord, help us come to you for healing of our loved ones, believing through Your name, and help us make clear your helping hand so that others may believe.

John 4:31-34

Thu, 04 Jun 2015 22:26:11 -0700

Meanwhile his disciples urged him, “Rabbi, eat something.” But he said to them, “I have food to eat that you know nothing about.” Then his disciples said to each other, “Could someone have brought him food?” “My food,” said Jesus, “is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work.

Jesus speaks to us in parables, yet helps us relate closely through metaphors that everyone understands.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.

This example, from the beatitudes, straightforward to understand and accept. One hungers for righteousness; one is filled when righteousness is experienced. However, in John 4, the example seems a little counter-intuitive at second glance. How can one become full by doing things that appear to expend energy? It would have been much easier to say, “to hear the will of him who sent me” instead, or “to see his work finished.”

So, given this seemingly backwards analogy, I must continue in faith in His words, and believe that as I do His will in my life, I will become full and fed.

John 4:21

Tue, 02 Jun 2015 22:59:22 -0700

God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth.

There is a prerequisite for worship. I must have the spirit, and I must have the truth. How often have I tried to worship with just one, or neither?

I don’t want to worship you with music. I don’t want to worship with my occupation. I want your spirit and truth.

Say hello to a stranger, and have a conversation with a neighborTake a walk outside, and drive with...

Tue, 26 May 2015 09:43:42 -0700

Say hello to a stranger, and have a conversation with a neighbor
Take a walk outside, and drive with a little less roadrage
Forgive someone in your heart, and call your mom and dad
Care less about what you’ll wear today, and more of how you can clothe others
Share one less thing on social media, and do something good in secret

Remember that you didn’t make the sun rise,
But someone did for you

Have a pleasant day, but give one too.

Driving Cars

Sat, 23 May 2015 18:50:21 -0700

A couple of days ago, I was part of a conversation about self driving cars, and I stated a reason that would prevent me from adopting the technology: I loved driving. Others had their own opinions.

Driving has always been something I’ve enjoyed. It can be so engaging, as I embrace the highway and soar smoothly between lanes, keeping my speed through the fine manipulation of the steering wheel and accelerator, or so relaxing, cruising down a stretch of road with my mind opened far beyond the space of the cabin. It contains two polarizing extremes of human experience, generating precise focus and thrill, yet sailing me through the landscape from thought to destination.

It’s not always bliss. One morning, I drive, and the traffic stops. And again. An attempt to traverse an intersection is halted. A green light shines at a distance, but my arrival denies my passage. Over and over, again and again. My frustration builds, and I curse and hate every part of this. Then finally, after many tries to have a smooth trip, I break. And God asks me:

“Do you still love driving?”

I am taken aback, but I realize instantly that there is something deeper. Yes, I respond, I still love driving. But in this moment, what I would give for the experience to go the way I want it to go.

I once had a love for God like this. I loved soaring, and I loved walking with Him. Everything in my human experience was found in this relationship. We would go places, with me at the wheel, and He would take my mind deeper into His revelation.

But somewhere along that ride, things did not go smoothly. And my love for God was challenged the same way my love for driving was.

On this road, things will not always go my way. Sometimes, it is His desire to take me through the rough places. And it will not always be what I want or expect, and definitely not somewhere I can smoothly and quickly pass through. But I must learn to let go to His direction, and trust that there is a destination He is leading me to.

I know that when I’m there, I can say, “I still love you, God.” And hopefully love Him even more.

John 4:13-14

Thu, 21 May 2015 15:02:06 -0700

Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

Often times I find myself dry and seeking. Have I not had Your water?

Perhaps I’ve soiled the spring of life You’ve placed within me. After all, You ask us not to quench the Spirit.