...lovettejam...

...ought to be somewhere else..

2009-02-03T02:26:00.000-08:00

Only there's an arrangement to pretend that you ought to be somewhere else, so the place where you are is the place where you are always pretending you ought to be somewhere else.

random

2009-02-01T21:08:00.000-08:00

A few days after my ultimate comeback, would you believe I still hadn't unpacked some of my stuffs? Bags, shoes and books are still in the box downstairs. I don't know where to put them. Boohoo. I'm still looking for that big big organizer or rack or cabinet or whatever that would fit in my room.

i'm hungry. no, i'm not. i'm just craving. chocolate pudding. yumyum! now that reminds me to buy eggs for the pudding i was supposed to bake a few days back.

whatever! i'm checking my email.

gotta run!

when insecurity strikes

2009-02-01T14:57:00.000-08:00

i'm not perfect, not even close to being one. i have more flaws than assets, more defects than abilities, more weaknesses than strengths. i can give you more reasons to hate me, despise me and dislike me than i can enumerate reasons for you to feel otherwise. i couldn't give you a single reason to throw even the tiniest bit of love my way. i couldn't. i wouldn't.

cruel? masochist perhaps? indeed, i am. i can do this to myself. do you not fear what lies for you from me? i cannot love myself wholly. what makes you think i am capable of giving back to society, or to you in the very least? how can i love anybody else when nobody even dares to care?

well you said you do. you said you know how stupid, careless and weak i could get. you said you understand what i am going through. you said i never cease to amaze you, despite the negative energy that envelops me, that is. you said you love me.

as much as i don't want to, i believe you. i just hope i'm right to do so.

thank you.

disclaimer: written under the circumstances of boredom inspired by a text message. not my story. really.

would you?

2009-02-01T05:21:00.000-08:00

when your heart battles with your mind...

when what you see opposes your principles...

when what you ought to do is something you really shouldn't...

when you want freedom but dread responsibility...

when you yearn to explode but guilt is hovering...

when what you know is killing you...

would you dare question fate, destiny or God Himself?

would you still want to know why?

or would you rather keep your silence?

what if i'm the one who's on the verge of bursting...

would you stay a while and listen?

keep my head together

2009-01-24T18:26:00.000-08:00

i would super love that.

here's the plan:
make a seriously functional to-do list on a daily or weekly basis.
make a priority list.
make all kinds of lists (to do, to accomplish, completed tasks, in progress, to be continued, rejected, whatever!).
prioritize the lists.
throw unnecessary lists.

now i am getting confused. again.

whew!

100% piscean.

2009-01-23T16:42:00.000-08:00

As the twelfth and final sign of the occidental zodiac, Pisceans make comfortable followers. Pisces people don't find their direction easily. They are not self-propelled and they feel a certain distance from the rest of the human race. When things don't go their way, Pisceans may surrender to self-pity.

Pisces is the soul of sensitivity. Nothing escapes his notice. The faint rustle of a falling leaf that kisses the earth sounds, to a Pisces, like a huge truck smashing into a brick wall. Baby's whimpering in his crib is, to a hyper-susceptible Pisces, the wail of a thousand hungry infants. Pisces is born this way. Overly, tenderly, pricklingly, unrestrainedly sensitive. Pisceans tend toward all that is beautiful, gravitate to loveliness and crave the artistic. Pisceans are the sleepy, languorous, irresistible creators of whom we frequently don't hear a syllable. Not power-hungry, Pisceans are mostly humble and modest about achievements. They are not interested in fame. If fortune comes their way, they'll accept it. But Pisceans usually don't go after glory.

Pisceans are very proud people. They are not cocky, nor do they go around boasting of their conquests and masterpieces. Pisceans are easygoing and seem to be made of butter. Ask them to move an inch left because they're blocking your view. Without a word, Pisces shifts to the left. Suggest a new way of eating snails with a shovel. Pisces is right up there in the front of the queue, raring to please and adjust to whatever is required. But dare to challenge Pisces's deepest beliefs, disagree with his sense of taste or the spiritual tenet by which he lives, and the fish may well turn into a shark before your rapidly blinking peepers. Pisceans have profound personal integrity.

It's not uncommon for Pisceans to suffer. First, they are easily hurt. Secondly, they are afflicted with overwhelming self-doubt. Worldly accomplishment is beyond Pisces because it requires a firm connection to hard reality, which Pisces would rather avoid. Tough and ruthless competitors disguised as friendly warmhearted colleagues or companions may hoodwink the earnest Piscean and leave him beside himself in a heap of disappointment and bafflement He doesn't handle tactics or strategics well. He wants to remain aloof so he can dream and imagine and let his mind wander.

You can be sure to find Pisceans wherever the water is. Pisceans love the soothing silence of water and will go to great lengths to plunge themselves into anything from a stream to an ocean, a bathtub or a Jacuzzi.

Pisceans take all emotional involvement seriously. Whether it's a love affair or a friendship, a child-parent relationship or some other family tie, you can be sure Pisces will nurture the link. The Pisces person loves unconditionally will alter viewpoints or swim willingly in the opposite direction just to please a loved one. If you are enamored of a Pisces, grab your snorkel and flippers and paddle after your fish to the ends of the sea.

i am copy/pasting it here just because.

just because.

2009-01-20T00:49:00.000-08:00

i do this when i'm bored. or confused. or a combination of both. :p

You are 100% Pisces

You are 100% Pisces

How Pisces Are You?

ha!

genuinely happy

2009-01-19T09:04:00.000-08:00

today, i am genuinely happy.

the past few days, few weeks and dare i even say, past few months, had been a blur. had lotsa lotsa stuffs happening all at once. the recent past had been nothing less than overwhelming. drastic changes from all directions, even relationships seemed to crumble right before my very eyes.

anyways, today, one was just lifted from my shoulders.

i do understand that not everything will be solved all at once.

but i'm taking one step at a time...

and i am genuinely happy... for now. :)

...hush...

2009-01-15T06:28:00.000-08:00

when someone opts to keep something to himself/herself,
can it be respected?

when someone chooses to be silent,
can't you just let him/her be?

when someone would rather be alone even for a while,
won't you just let him/her?

everyone is entitled to a lifetime secret, right? i hope i am too.

yes, i am saying no

2009-01-05T05:48:00.000-08:00

inasmuch as i would like to express my thoughts,
i am saying NO to spare somebody's feelings.

inasmuch as i desire to break my silence,
i am saying NO to avoid hurting anyone.

inasmuch as i yearn to give a piece of my mind,
i am saying NO to steer clear of inflicting more pain.

inasmuch as i ache to express my repugnance,
i am saying NO in the hopes that realization will come in its own time.

because i love and because i care so much,
i am still saying NO.

for now.

...last day...

2008-12-30T20:09:00.000-08:00

today is the last day of 2008.

and today is the last day of my employment.

haha.

tomorrow i will be officially jobless.

but tomorrow offers a new day. a new year. a new beginning. a brand new promise. a springing hope. :)

tomorrow will be the beginning of a better year, a better me, better everything. *hopefully* :)

let's keep our fingers and toes for better 2009 ahead.

God speed!

...retreat and reflect...

2008-12-28T17:53:00.000-08:00

as the new year approaches, we would want to welcome it with a bang. what better way to do that than enjoy lotsa lotsa self-time and rest, relax, retreat and reflect.

think about what had happened in 2008 and what you would want to happen in 2009. it's high time to build new dreams, revive the trust, relive the friendship and look forward to a new better year.

all the pains and hurts should have taught us valuable lessons in our dear lives. all the happiness and laughter should have inspired us to do better in the year to come.

above all, before the year ends, one thing should never be forgotten - gratitude. thank your friends, family, colleagues, neighbors, classmates, and above all, God for a worthwhile 2009.

Cheers!

...too happy...

2008-12-26T17:40:00.000-08:00

i am not blogging as much as i intended to.

maybe i am just tooooo happy to blog. :)

happy holidays

2008-12-24T20:34:00.000-08:00

happy christmas everyone!

'tis indeed the season to be merry...

be happy alwayz!

muAh!! :)

...mean me...

2008-12-20T18:12:00.000-08:00

yep! i was mean.

oh wait! "mean" is an understatement.

"dili man tika love. ug ikaw lang jud specifically akong dli love. alam mo 'yan." translation: i don't love you. (i don't even like you.) and it's only you specifically that i don't love. you know that.

to have said that to someone's face straight without even blinking is not just simple "mean."

it's more than mean. much more than mean.

worse part was: i meant it. i really did.

...mistakes...

2008-11-03T14:45:00.001-08:00

i am young

and the only thing i can afford is mistake.

i shall take my sweet time

to learn, to live, to love.

for in every wrong turn, i will know where i should be heading.

for in every wrong decision, i will figure out what i deserve.

for in every tear, i will realize my own worth and potential.

i am young

and i shall take my sweet time.

wandering. wondering.

2008-09-17T21:47:00.000-07:00

i found this lady alone in a coffee shop – sipping her
coffee, enjoying its aroma, basking in its essence. She was leafing through the pages of a fashion magazine – a little more absentmindedly than usual.
I wonder where her musings took her. She seemed to zone out of the world and was quite too busy in the world she has mindlessly created.

She is probably missing her family. Maybe, she is thinking of going home, of coming back to her safe haven where everything is perfect or at least comfortable. Maybe she wants to feel the comfort of her own bedroom and the warmth of her home.

I may know how she feels – that exact feeling when you run home with a wounded knee after playing really hard. I guess she must have played too much and wounded her knees. or maybe she feels as if she went too far and got lost and she badly needed to find her way back. or believed too much and broke her heart. or fought too much and broke her soul. or maybe not.

Perhaps, she is ruminating on a lost love – what went wrong
and all the should’ve, would’ve and could’ve that go along with it. Or maybe not.

She could be thinking about an about-to-be-born love. Or the love she has always prayed for but never became hers and never will be. Could
that tear pooling in her eye be for a guy? I sure do hope not.

What could be boggling her? A sick pet perhaps? A lost pen? An undue demise?

With a big sigh, she sipped the last of her coffee. she closed the magazine she was reading, stood up and walked out of the coffee shop.

and i too, looking at her, started to walk home. wandering. wondering.

for i too still don’t know what i’m looking for. i just know that it is not in here (anymore).

bang!

...

2008-07-31T18:28:00.000-07:00

ang taong magawi sa ligaya't aliw,
mahina ang puso't lubhang maramdamin.
inakala pa lamang ang hilahil na daratna'y
di na matutuhang bathin.

...last song syndrome...

2008-07-31T16:32:00.000-07:00

Rivermaya - Sleep

Tonight's the first night
You're no longer in my arms
A little colder
Nothing but the darkness and the stars

My hand wanders through
The space where you used to be
I really wish that you'd
Still come home to me

Until then I'll sleep
Sleep.

Remember yesterday
When your smile filled every room
Imagined forever with you
Now you're gone too soon

I can feel you calling
There's no place that I'd rather be
Just here with you, sleeping
If only in my mind

Until then I'll sleep
Sleep.

I can feel you calling
There's no place that I'd rather be
Just here with you, sleeping
If only in my mind

Until then I'll sleep
Sleep.

...phrases...

2008-07-30T21:11:00.000-07:00

i am missing you.
i am missing you so bad.

i miss the way we used to talk.
i miss the way you made me smile.
i miss the way we used to be.

maybe because i think i love you still.
maybe because i can never get over you.
maybe because i finally realized that i can never have you.
or maybe because now i know that somebody else has you.
or maybe not.

i am so afraid.
because i don't wanna be left shattered.
i want you, but i can't have you.
because having you and loving you would mean losing myself.
i love you, but you love somebody else.

oh, i don't know.
and what i do not know kills me.
it kills me. it aches me. it pains me.

questions. so many questions.
questions i seek answers to but dare not ask.
at least not yet.

what happened?
what went wrong?
was it ever real?

and then the big why!
that haunting, gnawing, nagging why.
why oh why?
*sigh*
.
.
.

i am lost. oh god, i am lost. please find me.

...vague...

2008-07-30T04:20:00.000-07:00

vague.
everything is vague.
has been.
is still.
perhaps forever will be.

i love him. i love him not.
i loved him. i loved him never.

he loves me. he loves me not.
he loved me. he loved me never.

tears.
to whom are these tears for?
for him because i loved him so?
or for me because he never did.

smiles.
what are these smiles for?
are these still a reflection of me?
or are these masks i got so used of wearing?

vague.
everything is vague.
has been.
is still.
perhaps forever will be.

lunatic mode

2008-05-25T07:56:00.000-07:00

matter. noun: that which has mass and occupies space.

EMOTIONS. can they be weighed? do they occupy space? DO THEY MATTER?

from a scientific standpoint, emotions per se are immeasurable; and they most certainly can't be seen, heard, smelled, touched or tasted and so do not occupy space.

however, from a lunatic's perspective, emotions can either LIGHTen your mood or give you a HEAVY heart; and they sure do occupy a SPACE in your heart and mind. hence, I therefore conclude that EMOTIONS indeed MATTER.

blah!

mommy's day ;o)

2008-05-11T10:00:00.000-07:00

I read this somewhere a few years back:

By the time the Lord made woman, He was into his sixth day of working
overtime.
An angel appeared and said,"Why are you spending so much time
on this
one?"
And the Lord answered, "Have you seen my spec sheet on
her?
She has to be completely washable, but not plastic,
have over 200
movable parts, all replaceable
and able to run on diet coke and
leftovers,
have a lap that can hold four children at one time,
have a kiss
that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken
heart
-and she
will do everything with only two hands."

The angel was astounded at
the requirements.
"Only two hands!? No way!
And that's just on the
standard model?
That's too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to
finish."

"But I won't," the Lord protested."
"I am so close to
finishing this creation that is so close to my own
heart.
She already
heals herself when she is sick AND can work 18 hour
days."

The
angel moved closer and touched the woman.
"But you have made her so soft,
Lord."

"She is soft," the Lord agreed,"
but I have also made her
tough.
You have no idea what she can endure or
accomplish."

"Will she be able to think?", asked the
angel.

The Lord replied, "Not only will she be able to think, she
will be able to
reason and negotiate."

The angel then noticed
something,and reaching out, touched the woman's
cheek.
"Oops, it looks
like you have a leak in this model. I told you that you
were trying to put
too much into this one."

"That's not a leak," the Lord
corrected,"that's a tear!"

"What's the tear for?" the angel
asked.

The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressingher joy,her
sorrow, her
pain, her disappointment, her love, her loneliness, her grief
and her
pride."

The angel was impressed."You are a genius,
Lord. You thought of
everything!
Woman is truly
amazing."

And she is! Women have strengths that amaze men. They
bear hardships and
they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and
joy. They smile when
they want to scream. They sing when they
want to cry. They cry when
they are happy and laugh when they are
nervous.
They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is
a better
solution. They go without so their family can have. They go
to the doctor
with a frightened friend. They love
unconditionally. They cry when
their children excel and cheer when
their friends get awards. They are happy
when they hear about a birth or a
wedding. Their hearts break when a friend
dies. They grieve at the loss of a
family member, yet they are strong when they
think there is no strength
left. They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a
broken heart. Women come in
all shapes, sizes and colors. They'll drive,
fly, walk, run or e-mail
you to show how much they care about you. The
heart of a woman is what
makes the world keep turning. They bring joy,
hope and love.
They have compassion and ideals. They give moral
support to their
family and friends. Women have vital things to say and
everything to
give.

However, if there's one flaw in women, it is that they forget their
worth...

Today, as we celebrate our mothers, I would like to take the opportunity to remind my dear mother of her worth, to show how grateful I am of her presence in our family's lives, how much we appreciate her efforts to rear all three of us, and how much we see the love in her eyes every single time she looks at us.

To my mama, I want you to know that I am more than grateful and honored to be reared by you and papa. This much I can promise you: We, your three precious jewels, will do our very best every single day to make you as proud of us as we are of you. Wabchumuchmuch!! :)

'Pi mama's day... ;o)

yes, i do wish at 11:11

2008-05-04T22:05:00.000-07:00

1. If you could push one person off a mountain, who would it be?
i won't even if i can... :D

2. Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?
u wouldn't want to know what i'm wearing right now. haha.

3. Do you still have clothes that belong to your ex?
hmmmm.. a shirt...

4. Do you get attached to people easily?
not really...

5. Have you ever been to USA?
nope.. no plans at all.. not in the near future at least...

6. Do you go to church?
i try to every sunday.

7. Do you like roller coasters?
yah...

8. Ever cut class?
once in college... to have my hair cut. hehehe..

9. What's your favorite TV show?
does watching lobo, hana kimi and avatar through internet count?

10. Have you ever seen the GOONIES?
i have absolutely no idea what that is.

11. How many times have you been in love?
no comment na lang po...

12. Do you have any pets?
dogs... (they are all in iligan) =(

13. Do you Smoke?
nope... even if i have to smoke to save my life, i won't.. hehe..

14. What is the first thing you do when you wake up?
check my cellphone

15. What's your favorite season?
summer

16. Have you been on a date in the last 2 weeks?
nope

17. Are Chuck Norris jokes funny?
not a fan.

18. What's your favorite food?
akong appetite pangkarpentero... wala'y pili as long as edible ang food... pro if i should choose, i guess it would be chocolates.. yum yum!!;)

19. What's the last movie you saw in the theater?
hmmm.. horton hears a who

20. Can you live without the computer?
nope.

21. Do you hide?
please be more specific with the question.. ;)

22. What is your favorite movie?
can't think of any right now

24. When was the last time you got flowers?
ahhhhh.... 4th year high school (???)

25. Who was the last person you were in a moving vehicle with?
random strangers sa jeepney.. ;)

26. Best kind of pizza?
have always been a fan of pizza... basta cguro cheesy, i like... ;)

27. Would you take care of your friends while they're sick?
i might...

28. What was the last CD you purchased?
wala...

29. When was the last time you dyed your hair?
never did

30. Do you want to be/or stay in a relationship?
not as of the moment...

31. What is a band/singer you will always love?
creed, nickleback and the likes... ;)

32. Have you ever watched a movie drunk?
no... i don't drink... :D

33. Do you wish at 11:11?
oh yes... i do.. :)

34. Do you have any piercings?
both ears

35. Last person you hugged?
c mamaria

36. What are you doing today?
should be getting ready for work...

37. What are you wearing on your feet?
flip-flops

38. Who was the last person you slept in the same bed with?
ako roomies... c sittie hadjirah... ;)

39. What is your natural hair color?
black

40. How many people have you texted today?
ahhhh.. unlitext mode ko kron.. ;)

41. Who was your last comment from?
a blog hopper... hehehe

42. What is your current conversation about?
no conversation as of the very moment

43. Do you have a crush on someone?
nope...

44. Where were you two days ago at this time?
at work...

typing test...

2008-05-04T21:32:00.000-07:00

well... i got a little more bored than usual... what can i do? ;p

i visited my very own profile in friendster (can be accessed here) and used my App... i tried speed typing challenge.. haha..

and the score was...

fyi, the high scores are in the 700s... gosh! how do they do that? hmmmm....

and so i tried the typing test available at http://www.typingtest.com/.

i completed the 2-minute test and the results are...

*deng dedeng... drum roll please...*

hmmmm... i guess i should start learning touch typing...

*yah.. i don't touch type.. so sue me!* ;p