As I mentioned during my last post - I had been on vacation and away from my laptop for about 10 days.

After recharging my jets - I was ready to start posting new content, starting with several letters from my inbox.

Earlier this week my new laptop stopped working.

The guy at Bestbuy actually seemed to be sympathetic when he said “your motherboard is fried”.

The old me would be freaking out about this; It’s a new computer, how am I going to run my blog, ect, ect, ect.

Fortunately, with the program I work - I realize this is out of my control, there really is nothing I can do but be patient - and ask my subscribers to do the same.

While I’m down, I’d encourage you to try Breaking the Cycles.

I’m a big fan of Lisa’s writings - you may recall she has provided guest posts on Loving An Alcoholic from time to time.

Also, I wanted to mention an e-mail I recieved this past week. If you have a moment, take a look at Love the Lost Foundation.

This effort to raise money for recovery scholarships is the project of one of Loving An Alcoholic’s subscribers.

More on Love the Lost Foundation, other letters from the inbox and new content when I return in a few weeks.

Take care,

Eric

It is good to be back!

I’ve spent most of the last 10 days away from my computer, on vacation, recharging myself.

Over the next few days I will be posting letters from the in-box and then will resume with regular post later on next week. The first letter I found,while working through e-mails,is from our regular guest writer - Steve C.

Through reading Steve’s posts - you can see how gaining a little perspective, looking at the world a little different and having the support of recovery literature and the recovery community can turn a life around.

Half  Measures Feels like Failure to an Alcoholic

Hello there, My name is Steve C., a grateful alcoholic who happens to be blind as well. I went blind from a surgery that went bad in prison back in 1997. I’ve Been sober since November of 1996. So only had a few months of sobriety before the surgery.

Talk about a wrong time to stop drinking.

Believe it or not, being in prison was a blessing for me. There was no liquor store on the corner to drown my feelings with as situations were effecting me - so I had a good start at being sober while inside I was freaking out bad!

My story is like a lot of us who didn’t grow up with any knowledge of dealing with life on life’s terms.

My drunken feelings would run a muck. I felt I had to always run the show - do everything and feel everything. I never actually finished anything I started and did a lot of nothing in the process. Jack of all trades, master of none.

I never completed anything constructive, or helpful for anyone. I was so into myself- into denial of my sickness.

I thought I was doing a great thing for my fellow Americans selling dope. Looking at all of the alcohol adds everywhere, heck, I figured everyone else did it so I didn’t see the harm.

Even bringing dope across the border I thought; “This is good for my finances and my friends will really love me.” Well, the finances got better, but the friendship was only there when I had the dope sack and paid the bar tabs - only then it seemed I had friends.

So you sort of see, I always go the extra mile in over doing everything that was not constructive. I didn’t know how to do the right thing because nobody taught me what the true right thing was.

I had to learn a new way of thinking. To act like everything I do in Life makes a difference - it does!

Being blind, in prison and sober I suffered a lot from depression. One thing though that made me feel better was a feeling that came after a victory, completion accomplishment, a satisfaction in finishing something good.

Here is a story of over doing a thing the wrong way; I was arrested for possession, and distributing…Pot. So I go to prison of course. I go into the prison and the vocational director gives me a vocation - green house management skills! How to grow stuff! So get this - they put me in hydroponics so I can grow it faster! Now that tells me either you don’t have to be too bright to be in the Department of Corrections or they were teaching me how to grow dope faster to catch me faster.

After the Oklahoma City bombing happened, the Director of Parks from OKC requested inmates to come to the Oklahoma Capital to set up a major display of landscapes. I went to OKC and participated in a work release program where I lived for 6 months while I worked on the landscaping. I was paid seven dollars a month - that’s right, seven dollars a month for the huge job we were doing. My friend and I went out back to the woods on D.O.C. grounds and planted our first Marijuana plant, with the Skills they taught me in green house management.

Now Kids, don’t try to do this at home or on D.O.C. grounds with out parents permission. Smile.

Four months later we came back to the woods to see how my growing skills took and was greeted by and 7 foot marijuana plant. Needless to say, we became the most popular guys in the facility.

Talk about over doing it in a bad way.

So you see, I had the want to do - but No direction to do awesome things. I wanted the attention - but the wrong attention.

That was in summer of 1996. I was never caught. Never the less I was sent back up the ladder to minimum security facility - I was actually grateful. This was November 6, 1996 - the date I started my recovery.

I was at that point getting sick of tired of being always sick and tired.

I started reading the Big Book and the Bible together while I was locked up trying to learn how to be an asset to God and others.

I learned something I never wanted to learn - patience.

Patience has nothing to doing with waiting - I thought it did. Patience is the behavior I practice while I’m waiting. Hmm….for instance, while I am waiting I practice patience which is; staying-power, diligence, serenity, lacking complaint, persistence, trusting and acceptance. Wow, never heard that one! As I started this practice - things started to slow down in my head. I was able to think better thoughts. I learned to wait well, instead of wait bad.

Get it?

My life got easier even though life still had the same situations being thrown at me.

The first thing I needed to learn was how to get out of my cell without help from another person. I wanted to be able to use the bathroom when I wanted to - so the institution gave me an walking cane.

Not a mobility cane which is almost 2 feet longer. I told them I do not have an hip problem but a sight problem - they didn’t care. I must have looked like a goof bending over and poking at the ground to touch the grass and the side walk to find my way to the church, gym, school house, canteen, medical and more. But dog gone it I did it and who cared how I looked! I felt awesome doing it without help - inmates started looking at me with a little respect.

I wasn’t playing the pity poor me’s. Great feeling it was.

When I was let out of prison, (my dad was alive at that time) I noticed his door was in bad shape and needed to be replaced. So I sat back for a day to ponder this. Hmm, I’m blind yet I have the desire to do this. Can I do this? How would I do this? What would I need to do this job? So I started on another adventure of stepping out of my comfort zone and into doing the right thing first - b simply thinking first. I put up a brand new door, drilled both of the holes for the new door knob and dead bolt locks, aligned it and chiseled out the areas for the new hinges. Now it took me four hours instead of one like most people - but I did it and it is perfect. I sat back and pondered a long while about my little victory while being blind. Heck, I can do most anything if I first put my mind to it - plan, prepare then execute with patience in tow. Hmmm What A concept!

Another example of planning, preparing then executing…

I have this huge garage and needed a long sturdy table but I didn’t want to buy one or pay someone to build it. So I thought long and hard about this - instead of rushing into it. I used a braille ruler, notched grooves into the wood I wanted to cut, lined the circular saw to the groove then turned on the saw and cut it. It took me about five hours but I built a 9 foot long, 4 foot high and 2 foot wide table. Sturdy enough that it can hold me and my wife on it.

My father in-law, who loves construction, was so amazed he bought me a huge table saw. I do build a lot of stuff with that table saw.

I know what you are thinking - yes, I still have all my fingers! This is because I first plan, prepare then execute my plan - and I treat that saw with respect. I think every time I turn the saw on - my neighbors take odds on whether or not this will be the day I cut something more than wood. Smile.

I built an 7 foot lattice wall that goes around my hot tub and decking which turned out perfect. You see, when I first start to learn something, practice patience with perseverance and think on it- I can do most anything even being blind. If you get a chance, you can look at my pictures on previous guest post posted on Loving An Alcoholic.

To me, completion, victory, accomplishments, achievements, goal setting and finishing is like the feeling alcohol gave me back in the day. I feel I can conquer most anything and that I’m ten feet tall. There are unlimited things a person can do to feel this - Just Think on it!

Right makes might!

The most authentic thing about humans are our capacity to create, to overcome, to endure, to transform, to love and to be greater than our suffering.

We can learn a new Language, learn a new musical instrument, clean the house better than you have before, start a new flower bed, start an exercise program, learn a new skill, start a new hobby or collection. read a new book, listen to different types of music you may not use to.

You can read AA literature or Bible and finish it from cover to cover. Start a new trade, go back to school even if it is just for a new a vocation, like learning computer skills. You be the creative one - take charge of your new life!

A final short story;

I used to get bags of free donuts from Starbucks when I was working in a drug center. I searched for a way to get out of my comfort zone - do some good. At night I would go across the street to my neighbors,or next door or around the corner. I would figure out how to find their door so I could hang the bag of donuts on the door knob - I would then leave.

Bet they never thought a blind guy would do that! The attention I was looking for was my God’s approving. I never told them it was me. I never let the left hand know what the right hand is doing.

Brother James once told me that what I do in secret God will exalt me openly. How I mentally handle the situation, stress free, worry free, care free, anxious free with trust that this is what God wants me to do so He will help me do it.

Good Stuff???

Enjoy Life!

Thanks.

Write me Please if you want. fire242@sbcglobal.net

Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

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Can three or four words change your perspective?

Can they turn the feeling of being overwhelmed to a feeling of serenity?

Can they act as a restart button?

It use to be when I found myself stuck on a problem, I could spend hours or days running scenarios through my head - trying to find the perfect solution, having confrontations and arguments play out in my head, creating internal drama that may never happen.

I wasn’t present - I would live this obsessive 2nd life all inside my head.

When I started attending Al-Anon, I was able to take a look at these actions - ask myself if this was a healthy way of being. I was given tools to assist me in switching my way of thinking when I started going down the wrong path.

Most importantly I was encouraged to seek a level of self-awareness to identify what the wrong paths were.

The most valuable tools for me are the slogans you find in recovery literature.

On the surface, the slogans seem so simplistic - it is silly to think these couple of words strung together could be leveraged to find peace of mind.

To me, that is the key - the simplicity in the slogans;

“Easy Does It”

“First Things First”

“How Important Is It”

“Just For Today”

“Let Go & Let God”

“Keep An Open Mind”

“Keep It Simple”

“Let It Begin With Me”

“Listen And Learn”

“Live An Let Live”

“One Day At A Time”

When I find my head is spinning with thought - saying “Let Go & Let God” reminds me that I don’t have to solve every problem - that if I trust in my Higher Power, I can let go of the issue and let Him provide the resolution.

I can then move forward with a clear mind.

When I’m with disciplinng whether or not to discipline my children - asking myself “How Important Is It” gives me a starting point. Will this issue really matter in 20 years? Will either my child or myself take away a life lesson from my reaction? If not, it is probably not that important.

I can then move forward with a clear mind.

If my alcoholic falls out of sobriety and I start to think too far out in the future about the impact from one day’s events - reminding myself that recovery for the alcoholic in my life and myself is “One Day At A Time” allows me to stay in the present and not overwhelm myself with scenarios that may never come to be.

I can better manage my reactions and then move forward with a clear mind.

If you haven’t already, I would encourage you to take a look at Al-Anon’s recovery literature.

The daily readings can help you work through your issues and allow you to figure out how to apply the slogans to your situation.

Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

Send me your thoughts: support@lovinganalcoholic.com

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One of Loving An Alcoholic’s missions is to provide our readers resources to help cope with the disease of addiction, whether it is the alcoholic/addict or the family member/loved one of the alcoholic/addict.

A new site, The Recovery Self Help Project, was recently brought to my attention by a reader of Loving An Alcoholic. The site has a wiki-style format and looks like it will develop into a great resource for those looking for information on alcoholism, addiction and the recovery process.
I’d encourage you to bookmark the site and check in from time to time as new articles are published monthly.

Excerpts from The Recovery Self Help Project main page and the article How to Stop Drinking:

Self Help Project main page:

Welcome to the Recovery Self Help Project

The project was launched in early 2009 to provide information for people seeking to understand alcohol abuse and begin the recovery process. Our goal is to add reviewed and approved articles at the rate of one a month.

Articles that are listed as completed have been edited by professional writers and editors and authored or reviewed by experts in the field of recovery education.

Articles that are listed as unfinished have not been reviewed or approved by the project’s editorial team.

How to Stop Drinking

This article, from the Recovery Self-Help Project, will help you find the best way to stop drinking. It reviews and compares various approaches to ending alcohol dependence and beginning an alcohol-free life.

Not every approach to stopping drinking works for everyone. Some people need their own unique approach (which may not be the most popular or well-known). And many studies have shown a combination of strategies is the most effective way to quit drinking. If you want to stop drinking, this article will help you decide which approach is right for you. We hope you’ll use what you learn here to take the next step to living free of alcohol problems.

Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

Send me your thoughts: support@lovinganalcoholic.com

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As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.

This week’s post is from Loving An Alcoholic’s guest writer, Steve C.

For those not familiar with the story of The Blind Hope, Steve C is a recovering alcoholic and drug addict who found sobriety while facing blindness in an Oklahoma prison.

Steve’s story reminds us that no matter how far gone we think our loved ones are - there is always the chance for redemption.

In today’s post, Steve talks about the lesson he has learned and put into practice - the power of positive thinking - a tool that can help guide the alcoholic, addict or loved one to a healthier way of being.

The Blind Hope, Thinking doesn’t have to Stink!

My name is Steve C.- I’m an alcoholic who also happens to be blind.

I’ve been blessed to be sober since November 6, 1996. I found sobriety while in an Oklahoma prison.

I became blind September of 1997 from a brain surgery that went bad with two years left before my release.

Sad state of affairs? Yes!

I was able to make it though, by changing myself on the inside.

My story is about a guy with a bad and negative attitude. The main reason I drank and drugged over the past many years was this; Reality and sobriety sucked! Straight up!

I was not raised with wisdom or common sense nor was I taught to use it. Like a lot of us, I grew up in an alcoholic home with a lot of craziness going on.

I went to church when I was about 8 but only with my older brother hand in hand across the big Dallas field -leaving mom behind at home to nurse her hangovers.

No role model to watch this whole god thing in the process.

What I saw was a drunk behaving irrational, neurotic - she was a real drama queen. I was programmed by what I witnessed growing up….and then followed suit.

I reacted to the situations and circumstances that came my way instead of acting properly with wisdom or common sense - I over reacted like mom would do.

Man! The times I heard my teachers tell me; “Steve, can’t you think before you speak or do anything?” Nope! That wasn’t in my make up!!

When I became sober, in the Halls of A.A., man did I get a brain tilt! Heck, I did something I never felt was a big deal- I started to think more than ever.

I can’t say that I thought more than felt - but I started to think more before I reacted.

For awhile, this new way of being could cause me pain - I just wanted to turn the darn thing off. Know what I mean?

Here I was, blind and sober. All I ever thought about was the poor me’s, life sucks, people suck, nobody understands me, nothing good could ever happen to me.

I can’t do anything at all right?

Talk about a negative mind set I had in front of me to deal with. It would take God to change my way of thinking - and it did!

It took much prayer, fellowship with positive minded people and reading the right literature to allow me to get on the right tract so I could deal with life on life’s terms.

Alcoholics Anonymous. was the first book that allowed me to start changing my mind set. I then grew to love listening to positive speakers that have been through the madness, like me, so I could understand their journey and what they are doing now.

I learned so much being blind that I know I would have missed if I were sighted.

Why? When you are blind you aren’t sitting at the table of A.A. or church looking at Ms. Cleavage across the room, while missing what is being said.

OK guys, don’t cry for me! Smile.

I can’t tune anyone out! Ain’t possible - Preachers, T.V., radio, others around me. What ever I allow to come into my ear’s gate allows me a choice - to learn or not. I choose to learn.

I listen to others which allows me to grow up and be an asset to God, people and myself - rather than being an Ass!

Thinking about the good stuff each day keeps my mind in the right course of feelings and actions.

I have learned trial and error.

I can now think myself into right actions. Wow! I am no longer bound to a negative mind.

Like it is said, “Where the mind goes the body will surely follow”. I’d rather follow after the mind that thinks about growth, change, positive inputs, actions and love.

Did you know that a man can learn how to be romantic still?

I was so into the action movies when I could see. They aren’t quite as fun being blind - It’s hard to get into when you don’t understand the sounds. So I started listening to drama’s and romantic movies - more talking than boom boom bang bang.

I started to listen and the spiritual growth came. This became a tool to allow me to grow up. I simply listened, whether it was to a person or program. Anybody can grow old, hardly anyone wants to grow up! Smile.

Instead of letting negative thoughts control my actions, (why should I do this or that, I won’t enjoy it, no fun for a blind guy, poor me,ect.) I’ve taken a different path.

I was blessed to receive 2 tickets to attend the Presidential inauguration for January 20 of this year - to be a part of history witnessing the first black man sworn in as President of the United States.

Oh, I could of said to myself; I can’t see it so why should I go!? Poor me.

But I did go and the sounds of millions cheering for the new President, praying the Lord’s prayer, all at once by Millions. Wow!

Hearing his and other’s voices over the loud speakers - the awesomeness of it!

This experience has touched me in many ways. It has made me even more grateful - grateful for getting past the pitiful me’s, allowing me to keep on keeping on. Confirming that I don’t have to take dictations from my feelings anymore.

I was asked by my wonderful wife, Selena to meet her in California while she is in training. The old funky fears came up. How do I get from Tulsa to California by myself? I can’t do this! What if I end up in China?

I prayed past the feelings. God gave me the confidence right then and there - he just said, “We can do this!”

Sounds quirky but this feeling made me move that fear Mountain over and go forward.

It was so fun going on my first flight with American Airlines - I was wearing my A.A. ball cap.

As I trailed with my cane to the plane, I purposely turned left - like a blind dummy. The pilot spoke out and asked if he could help me. I said; “I’m your relief Navigator, show me to the seat and I will get you some where - not sure where, but we will get some where.”

One of the co-pilots said out loud, “Sweet, this ought to be fun!”

When we touched down in Dallas for my connection, 2 flight attendants asked if they could help. “Heck yes!” I said to the nice young ladies. They were going to another plane anyways, so here I was - one on one arm and one on the other, walking down the Dallas Love Field airport wearing my A.A. hat. Blind guy got it going on!!

I think I heard some people murmuring and running to their airlines counter to change their flights after seeing us walk into their Gate. “I’m not flying with a blind pilot! Some people just have such little faith. Smile.

So, like a lot of us I start out in the morning, lifting my arms to God, praising him for another great day before I even find out if it is or not. Faith.

I make my coffee then.

I then get on my knees to pray for others - turn on a few of my positive preachers or speaker.

Joyce Meyer I love.

Then I call a few A.A. or Christian friends - by then I am ready to start my day off, feeling good with out a drug or drink.

Wow, feelings that follow after listening, thinking, doing the right thing? Yepper. Reacting for my feelings first? Nope.

You may recall brother James from my last guest post. In prison, brother James told me something to help understand this concept - right thinking causes right thinking, which causes right actions that causes a right habit - thus producing a right Lifestyle.

To keep it simple - I don’t have to tell you to brush your teeth right? Hope not. Smile.

Your mom taught you by telling you to do it, rather than thinking about it, usually by an rod of discipline. Smile.

After a while, you didn’t have to be told to do it. Right? Of course not - it is a lifestyle you learned by a long process of repetitions.

Same way for getting in the habit of thinking right in our ways and motives. For an alcoholic/drug addict, we get a Sponsor to guide our thinking through the steps and through life’s problems and issues -to get our mind on the right tract.

After much repetitions and habit forming we have learned to use our own mind to deal with life’s struggles, mishaps, disappointments - which use to baffle the crap out of us. Get it? I did!

Have a great Life and stay sober and serene.

PS. Write me if you need any encouragements.

fire242@sbcglobal.net

Steve C.

The Blind Hope

Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

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As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.

Well, it looks like a lot of Loving An Alcoholic readers were really able to relate to my last post; “Seeing Characteristics of Alcoholism or Addiction in Your Child.

I received more e-mails pertaining to this post than any other topic to date.

It seems that many of us who have lived through coping with an active alcoholic have had similar exeriences in seeing the characterisitics of our alcoholic loved one in our children.

The key to keeping our sanity is in how we deal with this perception.

I wanted to share with you a comment provided by Lisa Frederiksen of Breaking The Cycles.com  from the May 2nd post:

“Seeing Characteristics of Alcoholism or Addiction in Your Child”

—————————— 

Your post really struck a cord with me.

I was so worried that my children would make the same mistakes I’d made, and I was so caught up in the insanity of trying to cope with my loved ones’ active alcoholism (which, in and of itself, causes one to focus on everyone else in an attempt to control the situation), that I was constantly on them.

All with good in intentions, but when I started my own recovery for the family side (i.e., codependency) of this family disease, I realized that the repeated subliminal messages of my “just trying to help” efforts were, “I don’t think you can do this,” “I don’t trust your judgment,” “I know what’s best for you,” “What you’re doing is not good enough.”

Though never stated directly, these were the messages that rang through as I tried various ways of manipulating my children to do what I thought was in their best interest.

But, as you’ve so beautifully said in your post, “What I can’t do is control the decisions my children will make throughout their lives.

By understanding what is driving my reactions to my son’s behaviors - I can put my feelings in perspective and remind myself that for today, everything is alright.” By me finally making this shift myself (and it took some time and a lot of slips), the relationship I now share with my children and the growth I’ve seen in them has been astounding.

Thanks for your post!!

——————————

You may recall Lisa’s name from a previous book review on Loving An Alcoholic.

Excerpt: Lisa Frederiksen uses her decades-long experiences of coping with family alcoholism and alcohol abuse in her journey to free herself of its life-robbing consequences as the back-drop to her seventh book. If You Loved Me You’d Stop! weaves in and out of personal narrative, factual information and provides easy to understand scenarios that are all too familiar with those affected by a loved one’s drinking.

Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

Send me your thoughts: support@lovinganalcoholic.com

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As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.

Last night I attended my Friday night Al-Anon meeting.

We typically pick a random topic from Courage to Change, One Day at a Time in Al-Anon II. At the first meeting of the month, we read passages from the step that corresponds to the month we’ve just entered.

For May, that would be Step 5.

Step 5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being, the exact natures of our wrongs.

Prior to my turn at reading (I read page page 159), I really didn’t have any pressing issues I felt needed to be discussed.

I’d had a pretty good week - I was able to keep life’s stresses at bay and was generally pleased with the way I’d carried myself since my last meeting.

What I love about attending Al-Anon is reading a passage to the group, having no idea what emotions will be exposed and learning something new about myself. To me, the purpose of Step 5 is to be honest with myself about who I am - to look inside and share what I find with another person.

The sharing is what allows me to move on - to put my issues into perspective. Once I’m able to articulate the thoughts swirling around in my head - they don’t seem nearly as bad.

The paragraph that struck me from page 159 is as follows:

“The order of these words, placing God first, then myself, and then someone else struck, me. So often I have been vaguely aware of some truth in my life that I was unwilling to admit to myself. Yet my Higher Power had already place that thought in my mind. He must have - if I’m trying to ignore it, I surely didn’t put it there.”

I started thinking about that vague nagging thought that enters my head from time to time - the one that makes me go into “fix-it” mode before there is anything to fix.

This thought has to do with my son.

I find myself to be a very hands on dad (confession from a recovering co-dependent). There is obviously nothing wrong with being hands on as long as it is coming from the right place.

Where I find myself going into overdrive is when this vague thought creeps in - the one my Higher Power has given me to interpret.

The thought is when I look at my son in certain situations, although he has never had a drink or tried drugs, I see an alcoholic or addict.

I see the characteristics and behaviors in my teen that I saw in my wife when she was active. To a muted extent - I see the same reactions in myself - the enabling, negotiating, justifying, avoiding.

Why would my Higher Power put this thought into my mind? Why would page 159 be my reading?

Although I had no pressing issues when I entered my Friday Al-Anon meeting - I was happy to have the opportunity to share this thought with the group and work through how I handle this going forward.

What I found, when I looked inside, was that I was trying to place controls to fix a problem that had not occurred and may never occur - all the time creating friction where there was no need to do so.

Will my son, or daughter for that matter, struggle with alcoholism or addiction? I pray they don’t.

However, through Al-Anon I know this is out of my control - I can only control myself and my reactions.

I can keep healthy through attending meetings, looking closer at myself and leveraging the experience within the walls of Al-Anon.

I can show my children the right path through my example - however, I can’t force them to take my lead.

Through living a recovery lifestyle with my wife - I can remind them of the path if they fall. They have grown up in this community and it will be there if they ever need it.

What I can’t do is control the decisions my children will make throughout their lives.

By understanding what is driving my reactions to my son’s behaviors - I can put my feelings in perspective and remind myself that for today, everything is alright.

Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

Send me your thoughts: support@lovinganalcoholic.com

******PLEASE INDICATE IN YOUR EMAIL IF YOU WOULD LIKE YOUR THOUGHTS POSTED******

As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.

Letters From The Inbox - Blind Hope, A Story Of Overcoming & Living Life To The Fullest

**Note, this is a re-post of a story I provided earlier in the week. Since then, the author has reached out to me to provide some additional details in his story of alcoholism, addiction and redemption.**

I received an e-mail the other day from a subscriber to Loving An Alcoholic, Steven C.

Steven has an amazing story that provides hope to both the alcoholic and addict as well as the family member or loved one.

If you’ve ever felt that sobriety was out of reach for you or your loved one - read Steven’s story, ask yourself why this turnaround couldn’t happen for you or your loved one.

After reading this e-mail, I had to take a step back and ask myself - am I really living life?

Steven sure is and living it in sobriety - I want to take his lead!

________________________________________

The Blind Hope.

Hello my name is Steven C. and am totally blind yet sober.

I had only ten months of sight before I went blind in an Oklahoma prison.

I developed a brain tumor, but since the prison waited to give me a costly Cat-scan to determine the problem, the only option was to remove the tumor by cutting through my optic nerves. Essentially, I became a guinea pig for interns.

Since November 6, 1996 I have been sober.

I went blind in September 17, 1997 and have been sober since. My first 2 years of sobriety while being blind was in prison. So the first ever blind person I met was me. I had to learn how to deal with reality, sobriety while blind with the help of God, the program and other inmates in prison.

I wasn’t raised with a silver spoon in my mouth.

I was a second child in a family of divorce when I was 2 years old. My mom had major drug, alcohol and sex issues and after many drunk boyfriends of hers useing me as a punching bag,  I left Dallas at the age of 11 to eventually end up in Oklahoma.

I grew up thinking if my own mom can’t love me then who can? Why should I listen to authority or this invisible God thing?

Oh, the stories I could tell you of faking it with a good attitude, so I could be an asset to others, while I was dieing on the inside. This actually worked on a bad attitude person like me. After so much time faking past the bad feelings in to doing what is right, I found out that no matter how bad a person feels or how bad the situation is, you can always do the right thing.

What a concept!

I had this cool friend in prison named Brother James. I knew him for 2 months while I was in the prison hospital adjusting to my blindness. I did not know this at the time, but he was black. Here I was a white redneneck with 9 and a half years of locked away in prison.  I learned the wrong way on how and who to hate. Brother James was the only one that would be by my side while in the prison hospital, visiting me, even though he was a inmate as well just cleaning the floors.

Brother James taught me many things but some stood out more than others. While I was dealing with depression, he told me this; to get out my depression, one day at a time, I needed to get active, to get social, no matter what I felt like that day. I needed to find an opportunity to bless someone, to get off my pitty pot and do something constructive.

We use to go to the prison canteen to purchase hard candy in bags. We were always willing to talk to other inmates and would keep the candy on ourselves so we could open the door to their hearts by offering them a kind thought and gift. Wow, what a backwards concept for an selfish self-centered ego tripper like me.

When I was paroled out 2 years later, I took the concept of giving to others in order to get outside of myself.

I started what I call the Dollar Store Ministry - I would get all sorts of candles, statues or other items, walk out like Santa Claus with a huge bag, only spending 20 dollars. I would then pass the gifts out to people I met in Churches, A.A. meetings and even grocery store lines. With my mobility cane, I have even gotten out of a car in a McDonald’s drive through to give a couple some free Mickey D cards. I always had something in my pocket, hip sack or jacket - something to bring a smile to a kid or an adult’s face.

Constructiveness.

Why should I do crap when I’m blind? Nobody cares about me! Frown. If I want to be maximum service to God and man, I have to stop playing the blind pitty card and do something - least I do nothing. So, I learned how to use a mobility cane to go the the stores myself and to navigate better independently.

It gave me such a feeling to be an asset to myself rather than looking like the poor blind guy. Amazingly, I have opened many doors to the sighted world in churches and other organizations.

I have even learned to cook from a gas stove - No crap. Haven’t blown up the neighborhood yet!

I’ve learned Braille, I’m able to sweep and mop floors. I clean my own furniture. Not only do I do our laundry, but  I clean the windows…. even though I don’t look out them. Smile. Please ladies do not use me as an excuse to slap your lazy husband. I do not need the hate mail. Smile.

My father in law bought me a table saw. I’m not sure if he was trying to get rid of me or not. Smile.

I’ve built part of my hot tub decking, a 7 foot lattice wall, several new doors and drilled the new holes for door knobs. I’ve even painted them all by myself - thank you very much.  Smile.

I even occasionally mow my own lawn barefooted so I can tell what I mowed and what I missed. Once, I accidentally mowed half of my neighbors yard. He didn’t seem to mind. smile. I have even built my own 530 stepping stone patio, in which, I have put all my weight lifting equipments on.  I’ve put up a privacy fence around my yard so know one can see me splash in my hot tub.  

If you say I can’t do it….

I’m a very competitive person and will compete with myself to find a way. I haven’t conquered the driving thing - but, I’m working on it!

I too know what it is like to want to give up on sobriety or even life . Brother James, the one I told you about, he died of stomach cancer one year after I was released on parole. The system did to him what they did to me - neglect. His tumor was cancerous. Man did this white redneck ever cry for the loss of Brother James.

The same week, my mother cut her wrist and died after years of alcohol and drug abuse. During this time, one of my closest and best pals was standing on the side of the highway giving directions to a spiritual retreat to the people following her - when a nurse fell asleep behind the wheel, hit and killed my friend on contact.  She had almost 14 years of sobriety.

Then the real one happened - my father who had a stroke in 1995 lost his career, self esteem and will to live. Yet he hung in there until I got out of prison. I moved to Little Rock, Arkansas 17 months after my release to learn more skills at a school for the blind.

Within the next year, my father had seen me fall in love and move on with life. He mailed me a money order, a package of all his worth’s; will, home certificate, insurance policy - he unplugged all his electrical items, paid all his bills 3 months in advance. He put his ID next to his phone with my name, address and phone number. He looked at us, his kids. The photo, I assume he moved off his mirror next to his phone. He laid back and put one calf over the other -put his hand gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger.

I was in Kentucky when the police officer called my from Oklahoma. I fell apart so bad. I wanted to get drunk and thus take my own life like my parents did.

I felt God right then tell me; “Steve, what if you drink and do not kill yourself?  Would you want to start this recovery all over again after all of this time?” That sober minded me up - I called everyone I could to cry and scream. When I arrived in Oklahoma,  I was in dad’s house and feeling so bad. I remembered Brother James telling me how to get out of my head.

I called everyone I knew in A.A. and the churches - even a few guys across the street cutting trees for a neighbor. I told them to take most of everything that was not nailed down - to donate the items to people in need.

It helped me get through the funeral and the next 2 months.

I assume we are created to handle anything that comes our way. It is always to soon to give up!

Yes there is more, but like I was told; well done is truly better than well said - so here is more of what God has blessed this blind guy with;

I did have a lot of hostility and hatred for the whole God thing. I thought He blinded me cause of my past wrongs, sins or mistakes. It took along time, but by listening to others, it always seemed to come back to having to take responsibility for my own mistakes, screw ups and wrongs.

Darn the luck!

When I made this adjustment,  I was able to remove that obstacle that has been in the way of being service to God an man. Since then I can share this awesome stuff with you.

Remember I was an ex-con, ex-biker and a ex-practicing drunk.

 I spent nine and a half years of my life locked away in prisons and jails. I can’t lie about that when there is access to websites to prove my insanity. Kidnappings, arm robbery, hostage, extortions, drug possessions and distributing. 9 assaults and battery’s. Insighting 2 riots in McAllister prison and even ont their own D.O.C. bus.

Would God have given me blindness and then lead me to a life of fullfillment? Well!

Now, I have been married on the beach of Honolulu where 3 days later I stepped out of a plane over Honolulu 14,000 ft high. I independently surfed on the beach of Waikiki Hawaii, climbed Diamond back Volcano 1.8 miles high by myself with the help of just God and my cane.

I skied down Aspen Snowmass Mountain 12,000 ft. high - what a rush! I did crash once, five feet in the air, doing a 180 - thinking the whole time; No tree, No tree! 

I climbed both Maya Pyramids in Latin Mexico - one was so steep I had to come down on my butt.  I repelled down Coba cliffs, climbed hand in hand up Jamaica falls where I was the second person behind the guide with 27 people behind me - not giving up because they knew I was blind.

I rode simple electronic bull in Florida, hang glided 2,000 ft. high over Orlando Florida, climbed a 40foot climbing wall on a Caribbean cruise, motorize hang glided over the ocean of Cancun Riviera, rode horses on the same beach of the Riviera. Way cool.

Rode Dolphins in the beach of Cancun, slip tongued a darn sea lion thinking it was my wife Selena going to kiss me. Yuck! Did get her number though. No, you can’t read my step four!!

Jumped on a 20 foot Whale shark. Man that hurt! Thank God he didn’t take it personal! Posed with the Dallas cheerleaders, what a feeling! Smile.

Got to hand play with a white Siberian Tiger and 2 baby gorillas. What a cute guy. He took off my 350lbs club hat and put it on. Yes I power lift and am in the 350lbs bench press, squat and dead lift club at only 195lbs of body weight. God is good.

I was blessed to fly an Nessna propeller in Tulsa. I even hit my own wake twice - accidentally pulled the nob and turned the darn thing off. I learned not to touch things I Know nothing about! Smile. Para-sailed over the Bahama’s at a tad 400 foot high. Tiny stuff compared to others. Smile.

Looking forward to climbing Mount Everest like this other blind guy did - Eric.

I posed and arm wrestled Mr. Universe, I let him win. OK. I’m working at being honest.

I posed with Martin Sheen, Yakef Smirnoff and Joyce Meyer of JM international ministry. I posed with Congressmen and Senators in the House of Representatives in DC and actually much more.

One reason why we take pictures every where we go to show what God is doing in a blind guys life and proof as well. It has to be a God thing to take me to places I never would of dreamed of or thought God would have me go.

If I can do anything to help encourage people to keep on keeping on,  no matter of what life is throwing at them, just write me anytime at fire242@sbcglobal.net.

I am never too busy to give back what God has given me for fun and for free.

Yeppers, I have pictures of everything I said to prove God is Good!.

Thanks and stay sober.

Steven C AKA. Brett what used to be in prison, Rock

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Wow, what a story!

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As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.

We all have unique stories to tell - but because we’ve been affected by another’s alcoholism or addiction, our stories have much in common.

It doesn’t matter if we are a husband, wife, child, parent or friend - wealthy or poor. It doesn’t matter what our racial make-up is or what religion we are - there is a connection.

A variety of circumstances may have led us to Loving An Alcoholic.

Through reading the posts and acting on the recommendations to find and attend Al-Anon meetings, we discovered that in time, with the help of our program and fellowship, we can recover.

We can even become a source of strength and inspiration to others.

Whether I’m speaking to someone who has been affected by the alcoholic/addict or I’m speaking to the alcoholic/addict - I can’t stress enough the importance of finding the recovery community in your area.

Before finding Al-Anon, I felt alone.

How could I have found myself in this situation? There couldn’t be anyone else going through what I was going through. Why did I need help - it was my wife with the problem. I could fix my wife - I just needed to put more controls in place - hide the keys, dump the bottles, beg, plead, manipulate.

I found myself becoming as sick as my wife.

Al-Anon and the sense of community - the sense that I wasn’t alone - allowed me to gain perspective and learn from others experience. I learned how to handle my situation.

I heard my story as others shared.

It may not have been my exact story - but the behaviors where the same. The impact on the family was the same. The reactions were the same.

The guilt I felt as a result of my actions during this time dissipated as I realized I wasn’t alone - that so many others took the same steps I had.

Today, I rely on my recovery community to remind me of what I don’t want to return to.

I’m not speaking of whether or not my wife drinks - I’m talking about my reactions and behaviors.

By attending Al-Anon meetings and sharing - I am allowed to gently remind myself of healthier choices if I feel like I am falling back into my former self.

For the alcoholic or addict - it isn’t your husband, wife, child, parents or friends that will keep you sober. It is you faith in a higher power and your recovery community.

If my wife were to fall, I would not be the one to pick her up.

It would be her recovery community - the people that understand her disease (which I don’t claim to do). It would be the people that have heard her story, that have built a connection with her - that are routing for her sobriety.

Those affected by another’s alcoholism/addiction, as well as the alcoholic/addict, face a daily struggle to hold on to recovery - to not go back to the old behaviors.

For me, without the help of my community - I don’t know if I would be strong enough to make this life long commitment.

With my program and my recovery community - I know I can.

Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

Send me your thoughts: support@lovinganalcoholic.com

******PLEASE INDICATE IN YOUR EMAIL IF YOU WOULD LIKE YOUR THOUGHTS POSTED******

As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.

Loving An Alcoholic has a pretty diverse following:

Those who love an alcoholic or addict - and - alcoholics & addicts.

Today, I thought I would share a little humor for all - enjoy!

Jokes for the codependent - these tend to hit a little too close to home for me (maybe they aren’t that funny after all!):

• Q: What do you call a codependent who says “no” and doesn’t feel guilty? A: Healthy
• You’re codependent for sure when you get kicked off jury duty for insisting that you’re the guilty one.
• Q: Why did the codependent cross the road? A: To help the chicken make a decision.
• Did you hear about the codependent who flunked geography? He couldn’t distinguish any boundaries.
• You know you’re codependent if you find yourself in a rut - and move in furniture.
• Q: Why does a codependent buy two copies of every self-help book? A: One to read and one to pass on to someone who really needs it.
• You’re codependent for sure if, when you die, someone else’s life flashes in front of your eyes.
• Q. What does a codependent have in common with God? A. They both have a plan for your life.

Don’t take them too seriously, but here are some indications that you just might need to consider Alcoholics Anonymous:

• You have awakened with an overwhelming feeling that you should go back and apologize… but you don’t remember where.
• The Tipsy Taxi service has banned you from all its vehicles.
• People consider your spouse a Saint for reasons that totally escape you.
• The last time you had a legal driver’s license, so did Ted Kennedy.
• You bought your current pick-up truck because it has a cool place to hide a six pack.
• “But Officer, it’s been a long time since I tried to say my ABC’s!”
• All of your old friends are now members of 12-step groups.
• You know for certain that putting your foot on the floor does not stop the room from spinning.
• Your insurance agent drops by and mentions your policy does cover treatment centers.
• The producers of the television program COPS still send you Christmas cards.

Would you like to have your experience and words of encouragement posted?

Send me your thoughts: support@lovinganalcoholic.com

******PLEASE INDICATE IN YOUR EMAIL IF YOU WOULD LIKE YOUR THOUGHTS POSTED******

As I will leave each post; If you, or someone you know, loves an alcoholic or addict, I would encourage you to find a local Al-Anon 12 step meeting to attend. This is your first step towards healing.