Public Golf In Missouri In The 70's and 80's Sucked

Until the farmers sold out to golf course developers in the 90's. Unfortunately by then I had moved on but early in my golf career I was forced to play the public courses that existed at the time because I could not afford the dues of a private club. And let's face it, golf courses where the general public play are where you encounter this problem the most. (Members at private clubs usually won't put up with it.)

Six hour rounds were common, waiting on every shot while the idiots in front of us did everything they could to make our round of golf as miserable as possible, hitting mulligans from the fairway, taking forever to look for balls I wouldn't pay 10 cents for, leaving carts as far away from the next tee as possible, and I don't think they looked back over their shoulder at the havoc they were creating, nor would they have cared! Ready golf was an unknown concept and golf course marshals did absolutely nothing to help speed things up.

On a public golf course or resort course in this country it is not uncommon for a person who has never swung a golf club in their life to play for the first time on an actual golf course! I was ready to quit the game rather than put up with this nonsense. There just was no reason for it.

Six hours of frustration would ruin my weekend and I would rage to my wife about whatever happened to common courtesy? Not knowing how to play the game is one thing but just like a freeway or an airplane there are other people around that you must show consideration for, things my parents taught me. And if the others never possessed common sense or consideration, well, that was their problem. On the freeway you can drop back behind the idiots or in an airplane you can move to another seat when confronted with rude or obnoxious behavior. On the golf course you are trapped! And besides, playing golf isn't a mad rush to a crappy job, it's supposed to be relaxing and fun!

Out of control golf rage, the kind where golf clubs are used as weapons is not about slow play, even though that may be what sets it off. It's more about Joe the golfer being upset at his girlfriend, wife, parents, school, finances, (fill in the blank). Joe starts to play badly, frustration sets in (I just know I can hit a second ball better) and when he has to look for two balls in the woods, he is just a gun waiting to go off. The group behind him is just as frustrated, maybe for different reasons but is now directing their anger at the inconsiderate morons in front of them. Words are exchanged and if violence breaks out, things are blown out of proportion because of all the other issues, the wife, girlfriend, finances, etc, all of a sudden all this non-golf crap finds an outlet!

The United States Golf Association has done a fantastic job to raise awareness about and to address the problem of slow play. Their Golf Etiquette 101 should be required reading before someone new to the game ever picks up a club. The situation has gotten a lot better over the years. However, golfers who play the game the right way might agree that we still have a long way to go. Here are some of the things that I see that still need to be addressed:

When players are out of position and causing a back up, marshals need to address the problem, not ignore it and hope it will go away. And to be fair to marshals, try telling someone who has paid upwards of $100. to play faster and watch the typical reaction, an upraised finger or blame being placed on the guys in front of them. The upscale courses in my neighborhood who are concerned that all players at their golf course have a great experience will send out player reps to fore caddy, look for balls, rake bunkers, etc until normal pace is resumed.

For more ideas of how to combat slow play read my friend Par's treatise on slow play, the 10 commandments of golf etiquette and a his description of a fictional round of golf at the golf club owned by the queen of etiquette herself Emily Post Golf & Country Club. 

Here is a great video of how to avoid slow play to make golf enjoyable for everyone:

First we had road rage, then when that got old we progressed to air rage, and now finally, we have arrived at golf rage. Arguments and actual fights on the golf course due to slow play or other perceived transgressions are not a new phenomenon brought about by the current sad state of man's consideration to man but this may be one of the few times it's gotten so out of hand that it's resulted in serious injuries and a prison sentence. 

It may seem a bit insensitive of me to post this in the golf swing category, I know, but a golf swing with a six-iron is what sent this guy to prison.

No Laughing Matter

C'mon guys it's just a game, isn't it? Not worth brain damage and someone's whole life being negatively impacted just because some discourteous jerk had to hit a mulligan, or two, or three, or…? Our golf clubs should not be classified as "deadly weapons." Besides, this isn't really about golf, is it?

According to court records this incident occurred as a result of an argument about slow play. The guy in the picture had his feathers ruffled because he got called on his slow play antics. Boy, if I had a dollar for every time that happened to me over a 35 year golf career I would truly be a rich man. However, no matter how idiotic some "golfer" acted in front of me, never once did I  brandish a golf club and go on the attack, common sense prevailed, words were exchanged, then forgotten. Being hit with a golf club, any golf club, can kill you. Shoot, I would rather face an attacker with a golf club in hand than the biggest knife, they aren't called clubs for no reason, you know.

Slow play on the golf course has been a curse to the game since it was invented. No one really understands why it has become such a serious issue and what can be done to alleviate it but I can list a few of my own theories (see part 2). The PGA tour has had to accept the brunt of the outrage on this issue because they are the ones that amateur golfers emulate at the muni on Saturday. They see a pro on TV walk off the entire length of his approach shot to the green, waggle endlessly, plumb bob a 10 ft putt, mark a one-footer and take a whole bunch of time doing. I guess in their demented minds these amateurs think that by emulating the pros they will play like them. Tour players are reviled for deliberateness, a term used to soften slow play, even calling other players on it, right Mr. Sabbatini? or does anyone remember Glen "All" Day?

The tour has had to bow to pressure and now puts players on the clock. A two-stroke penalty when in competition will definitely wake you up! What the amateur golfer tends to forget is that the PGA Tour player is doing this for a living, millions of dollars are at stake and one mistake can cost him thousands. However, there are limits, remember the old Sergio? He used to have me screaming at the TV screen, pull the trigger, goddam it! Jack Nicklaus could stand over a putt until you thought he had had a stroke or something, somebody check his pulse! Hubert Green drove me nuts with his endless waggling and fidgeting. 

The amateur sees this and the next time they go to the golf course they start acting like Sergio or Hubert. It's called paralysis by analysis, and it just kills the game.

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Anyway, I digress. The point of this post is to promote Rocco's book with John Feinstein, one of the great golf writers: Are You Kidding Me? The Story of Rocco Mediate's Extraordinary Battle With Tiger Woods at the U.S. Open

You remember the one, where Tiger could hardly walk at times, playing a major with a bum knee, not just any major, the United States Open. Rocco was on his "A" game but Tiger Woods is no ordinary golf mortal and somehow he managed to pull off a victory. This is the story of that battle told from Rocco's perspective and it is fascinating. 

A Golf Book Every Serious Golfer Should Have In His Or Her Library

Have you ever seen a golfer friend/husband/wife discouraged about their game? It happens all the time and here, for the first time ever, is a well written book about understanding some of the worst periods in the careers of some of the most successful golfers to ever play the game–and how they got back on track.

I was on the golf course the other day when one of our foursome mentioned this device. We had been having a couple of cold ones and there wasn't a tree in sight, if you know what I mean. So what did we do, you ask? We waited till we could take care of the problem. But we did wonder, would this golf "club" be considered a 15th club in your bag for tournament play? 

Later, I looked it up on the Internet and there it was, the UroClub, a great addition to the golf clubs in your bag and a golf club you can't do without according to their pitch. Just whip this thing out when you have to wiz, arrange the towel and away you go. Gives the word "shank" new meaning.

The company claims that it looks like a "regular" golf club and appears like you are just addressing your ball while you urinate into the shaft of this so-called golf club. Yeah, right! I have seen fat putter grips but fat golf shafts?

Any "golfer" who says this thing looks like a normal golf club ain't much of a golfer and I wouldn't want to be seen on the golf course with one. My buddies wouldn't be able to swing a golf club, they would be laughing too hard. 

The company's video demonstrates the product and you can see for yourself what a joke it is. I would only buy this thing as a gag gift for a golf buddy but after watching the video, their price of $49.95 is a bit much for a golf gag. Personally, I think this is one "golf club" you don't need and golf courses should ban it.

I did check out their website and they have reduced their price to $24.95, I guess sales of this so called golf club lookalike have been "soft".

I tried to buy one so that I could pull it out on the golf course next time I play as a stupid golf gag but their security certificate has expired which means your credit card payment is not secure. But for a good laugh here is their ridiculous video.

I knew Bob Rosburg well just by being a TV Golf Spotter on numerous occasions where ABC Sports was following the PGA or LPGA Tour. Ah, for the old days huh, Sal?

Bob was a crusty old curmudgeon to some but he had a soft spot in his heart for spotters, considered by most to be the lowest form of human being to be allowed in a TV compound, just ask Johnny K. about those early years with ABC Sports, Sal on the radio, giving us all hell in his own inimitable style. Rossi and Judy Rankin in the fairways, Mark Lumis and Jack Graham in the production trailer (yes Sal, I was wrong that day when you asked me for the order, and I forgive you for the stream of F bombs that you laid on me).

I remember a tournament in the desert once where, as a veteran spotter,  I got the cush job of driving Rossi's golf cart. I soon discovered that man, you better hop to it or he would have your ass good. There were many horror stories of him dressing down a dipshit spotter that was chatting with the gallery instead of watching Rossi. But I made sure that I was like his shadow during the Nabisco Dinah Shore Tournament and as we rolled up to a fairway position that he liked he would then say, "Dickie boy, stay close and watch me."  I will always remember that day Rossi, God bless you, I think that it was the first day in history that Rossi bought a spotter a drink at the end of 72 holes.

He was a cynical guy, loathe to answer questions from the gallery and he would say what he thought, he would walk up to a ball in the rough and say, "no way is he getting this ball on the green" more times than not he would be right but there were some who knocked it stiff from impossible lies. He would say, "well, that's golf."