What in the World?

Location, Location, Location

2011-08-28T02:33:00.001-06:00

I grew up in a small, isolated community (think - pop: 1000) surrounded by other small, isolated communities. Some might even use the word 'remote' and I might even agree. But I loved it there. It was my home and I thought that it was pretty alright.

At some point, possibly after my stint in Seoul ( a city of approximately 13 mil), I morphed into this person who thrives off of the energy of a city. I adore the hustle, the bustle, and I yearn to be exposed to the various 'vibes' that each city in the world has to offer.

Yes, at some point - I became a city girl.

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the quiet moments, the quaintness, the serenity, and the familiarity of rural areas. But while I had always thought I wanted to live rural and visit urban, the reverse actually turned out to be closer to the truth.

Diversity is key for me. One of the main things I love about Seoul (which also happens to be my favourite city that I've ever been in) is that there is always something new to explore; something you haven't seen or even heard of before. If you're bored it probably says more about you than it does about the city.

Through my travels, another thing I've found is that friendliness, contrary to popular belief, is not confined to one area of the world. I remember when Craig and I felt a bit lost in a major train station in Fukuoka, Japan. A young girl who spoke very broken English took notice of this and came up and offered to help us without us even having to ask. She veered from her own path to march us all around the massive train station and help us find ours.
I recall the generosity of the mothers of the children we taught in Korea, and I think of a man named Sue who made our days there so much easier by going so completely above and beyond the scope of his job just to make us feel comfortable.

Now I find myself in yet another new place in the world, and already I've been touched by incredible kindness and hospitality. I mean, I'm not delusional either and I'm sure I will come across my share of unfriendly people (they are everywhere too), but the good ones make up for it.

So far, I feel good about this change. I love that I'm close to a city where I can see and meet people of different cultures, religions, and races. I love having the opportunity to do more travelling, and to do it cheaply (comparatively). Oh, and on a somewhat frivolous note - I love having access to a variety of restaurants, stores (particularly clothing and shoe stores), and just services in general.

I'm not in any way, shape or form attempting to take away from the experience of rural living which is unique and special in its own right. In fact, I do miss hearing the loons out on the water. And there is no place like home. But I'm glad for another opportunity to experience something new. Packing and unpacking isn't much fun, but testing out new waters always is.

Being a gypsy ain't so bad.

To New Beginnings

2011-08-23T00:24:00.000-06:00

And we're back!

To say I was on a blogging hiatus seems like a bit of an understatement. The truth is, I'm at the tail-end of a phase of (justified) internet paranoia that made me decide on a whim one day to make this blog invite-only. However, since I didn't invite anybody to read, I pretty much just pressed the pause button on it all and things were quite dead around here.

Writing is more fun when it's shared.

Since my last blog post I got a new job, finished said job, moved, got the ball rolling on my research, accepted a new job, moved again (this time several thousand kilometres away from home), got to travel through 11 U.S states.... just to name a few things.

The new job (which appears to be an excellent step in the right direction for my career) begins this week with an orientation, which I am sure will be riddled with dozens of cheesy ice-breakers, awkward introductions, and my favourite part: free food.

New province. New town. New job. New life. With all of these new beginnings, I can't help but be hopeful and optimistic. I feel like my life thus far has consisted of 24 years of mountaintop and 3 years of valley. These past 3 years have, in so many ways, sucked the life out of me and to be honest I miss my happy and light-hearted self. At some point things have to start looking up and I'm hoping that maybe this is the beginning of a steep incline. I just want, need, something good to happen. Jack Layton, the leader of the New Democratic Party of Canada and a man I greatly admire, passed away today. His parting words to Canadians were as follows:

"My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful, and optimistic. And we'll change the world."

I agree whole-heartedly. I cannot live my life waiting in fear for the next person I love to die. I have to make the most of my time here because this is it. This is all I get. One shot. I don't want to waste it.

During these past few months (between blog posts) I've also continued on a journey of learning and reflection that began probably sooner than I realized it did. And I'm not referring to my university education. I have read, studied, questioned, discussed, and pondered. I feel enlightened and am content and at peace with the things I am learning about life. I'm also feeling the freedom and sense of awakening that comes with throwing out the things that I had mis-learned. And oh, was there ever a lot of mis-learned information. It feels like finally rolling out of bed after a 27-year slumber (almost 27 anyway, happy birth-month to me!), opening my eyes and embracing the sunrise. I realize I'm being cryptic and for that I apologize, but that's all you get for now.

I think one of the main lessons I'm learning as I near my late-twenties is to never become comfortable or complacent. Life is too unpredictable and quite frankly too short. The fragility of it makes it all the more precious. Butterflies may not live long, but they live. You don't see them cowering in a corner anticipating impending doom. They dance through the air and explore their surroundings. They make the most of what they have. That's the best any of us can hope for.

I'm on a Beach... A Tropical Beach... Drinking a Margarita...

2011-02-18T23:48:00.003-07:00

WHAT IN THE WORLD, indeed.....

I'm thankful to live in a place where people know how to handle this much snow.

But let's be honest, while the snow is beautiful in its own right, I'm seriously considering a move to a warmer climate where people don't need to know how to handle this much snow.

It's in times like these that I reminisce about my experiences in Thailand. Malaysia. Cambodia. I often picture myself in Railay. The sun is beating down on my face as I kayak through the crystal clear turquoise waters. I'm snorkelling and admiring the electric, vibrant colours of the tropical fish that have completely encircled me, as if requesting my friendship. I'm smelling sweet coconut as people lather themselves up with suntan lotion. I look up in awe at the spectacular, majestic limestone cliffs jutting out in every direction. In the background I hear people laughing and splashing as the waves gently hug the shore. I feel the greatest sense of peace, tranquility, and pure unbridled happiness that I have felt in a long time.

Sometimes, if I really try, I can convince myself that my daydreams are real.

Where am I? Where I am.

2011-01-13T20:41:00.000-07:00

In a recent post I discussed how I wanted to change the whole theme of my blog. I felt as though I had strayed away from the original intention of the blog, which I had. This blog was primarily created so that I could comment on things happening in the world. News stories. Happy things. Funny things. Sad things. Weird things. But always things about other people, rather than myself. See webpage title.

I have had several 'personal' blogs in the past - but over the course of the years I've evolved into someone who doesn't necessarily want the internet to know all the comings-and-goings of my day. I have also felt restricted with regards to what I can and cannot write about myself, based on some of the people who told me that they read my blog.

Additionally, in the past I was feeling somewhat bothered by 'preachy' blogs; blogs that, as I previously stated, are written from some sort of moral or ethical pedestal and come across more as a writer's self-indulgent quest to increase his/her social status. I was truly horrified at the thought of my blog coming across that way. Currently, I just don't read the blogs that are really 'preachy' and I've learned to view the others as compilations of lessons learned by fellow humans. That allows me to enjoy them much more. Surely we all have something to learn from one another.

Now you really do know something about me. I tend to over-think everything.

When I place such rigorous restrictions on myself it's never a good thing. I've felt so completely uninspired to write anything here. I have been waiting for the perfect story to come up in the news (and there have been lots of big news stories), but still nothing has instilled within me a true motivation to write. It's sort of like how people always assume that, because of my passion for the written word, I must not mind writing papers for school. For me, writing is only fun when I have full creative control over what it is that I'm writing. Furthermore, it has to be a topic I'm quite interested in. If I'm bogged down with restrictions, laws, rules, etc. - it's not fun. It's a chore. And frankly, I can find more interesting things to do with my time than chores that I'm not even required to do.

That explains why I have not been regularly keeping up with this blog, though I have so badly wanted to. It has become a chore that I'm not required to do. I cannot limit myself to writing about only this or only that anymore. And I cannot tell myself that I need to blog everyday (another rule that has the tendency to cancel out all my inspiration). Basically, what I need to start doing is writing about the things that matter to me, as they matter to me. If that includes strange news stories of the day, so be it. If that includes divulging personal thoughts and feelings, so be it. If that includes posts on ethical/moral issues, yes, so be it.

And that's where I am right now. I can't say that I'll update 'x' amount of times every month, but at least now I'll have the creative freedom to talk about almost anything. Almost.

Thanks to those of you who continue to read my consistent inconsistencies.

-Laura xo

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-24T22:00:00.003-07:00

Just a quick note to say: Merry Christmas to you and yours!

Love and peace to all. xo

Involuntary Sneeze-Burgers

2010-11-08T21:03:00.005-07:00

We've all heard the horror stories. Some guy was given a chicken-head in lieu of a McNugget at the local McDonald's. Some other guy had a bit of fun (I'll spare you the gory details) with the mayo at Subway. Details of unsanitary practices at well-loved food establishments run rampant through the rumour mill in all corners of the world, no doubt.

As a self-proclaimed foodie who is quite happy to cite "eating out" as one of my favourite pastimes, these are all thoughts I have to force out of my head before they are ever given the chance to snowball and ruin the entire dining experience for me.

Still, you better believe that when I walk into a restaurant I'm wondering what's going on behind those two little swingy doors. And you would be correct if you guessed that when fast food is my nourishment of choice I am straining my neck to try and see if the people making my sandwich are wearing gloves and not putting their hands anywhere I wouldn't be willing to lick.

On a human respect level I don't appreciate customers being rude to waiters/waitresses, but I also live in fear of accidentally doing or saying something that might set them off. I have these vivid images in my head of little troll-like characters cackling softly in a phone booth bathroom (complete with cob webs) hidden away at the back of the restaurant. They, of course, are getting immense pleasure from dipping each of my french fries in the toilet before serving them to me steaming hot on a clean plate.

Now that you all think I'm irrational and am suffering from a severe, undiagnosed case of OCD... let's talk about sick food workers. They may not soil your food maliciously, but personally that doesn't make me feel any better about the relentless sneezing, coughing and snotting going on around that stuff I'm about to ingest.

But we can't blame them.

I've always been of the philosophy that if you're sick - stay home. Nobody wants you at work more than they don't want your germs. Turns out, according to an article I read on CNN today, many of these food workers are showing up for work because they aren't getting any paid sick days. Two-thirds of restaurant workers are going to work with the sniffles (or worse). Granted, the study that yielded these results was carried out in America, but I'm willing to bet the same holds true for Canadians. You can read the full article that I read on this here.

I admire the people who are able to rest assured that even if they are ingesting the bodily fluids of another person with compromised health, it's A-OKAY because they've been doing it for years and are still alive - none the worse for wear. That's logical thinking, I suppose. That these people are able to completely circumvent thoughts of little micro-creatures festering in their salad dressing and plotting a vicious attack against the immune system is no small feat. Hakuna Matata. Que Sera Sera.

I would hope that managers of food establishments everywhere would, at some point in the not-too-distant future, begin to recognize that simply having employees abide by the "sneeze-in-your-sleeve" phenomenon may not be enough to appease foodies with weak immune systems around the globe. At the very least, I guess I'd like to know that sneeze-burgers and crotch-sandwiches are being reserved for the people who are rude rather than the innocent bystanders who are just too lazy to cook their own meals.

In a perfect world: paid sick days for all

In a reasonable world: a mandate that there are at least some paid sick days available to people responsible for making and delivering food for the public

Candidates for any upcoming elections, please take note.

Photo Courtesy

Reset

2010-10-24T00:25:00.003-06:00

This blog, for various identifiable reasons, has morphed into something it was never intended to be. I've had personal blogs in the past and this was supposed to be something entirely different. When I initially thought up the idea for "What in the World?" in Korea I never wanted it to become about my personal life, or even necessarily "inspirational." Like most people I have ideas about what is good and what is right, but I don't want to get preachy or to write from some sort of self-imposed moral or philosophical pedestal. I'm aware of the optics of that. I also don't want to feel as though I'm writing a term paper when I'm blogging. No, right from the get-go I wanted this blog to be exactly what the subtitle says it is: "Observations about the world and the wacky people in it."

The other day while reading Brandon's posting about how he wanted to change the direction of his blog over at Snails See the Benefits, I decided it's probably time that I followed suit over here.

So, a warning to the masses - all 38 of you + the lurkers (Hi, Lurkers!): this blog may be getting a bit of a facelift in terms of content (I'm still happy with its appearance for now, but if it bothers you, let me know).

I'm purposely not getting into the details about the specific direction this blog will take but will say to think more along the lines of op-ed. It's going to be "same, same, but different." More like some of my original posts, though most of them tend to make me cringe for one reason or another.

In any case, the imaginary reset button has been pressed.

That's all for now!

Everybody's Got a Story

2010-10-11T21:29:00.002-06:00

Full disclosure: I can be a really irritable person. I believe in love and tolerance but oftentimes I let rude little comments and obnoxious people get to me more than the average person does. It's not something I'm proud of, but it's something. I may have mentioned before that I believe my introvert-to-extrovert ratio is about 4:1. But really, I have a blog, so that should come as no surprise (how's that for a generalization? Don't worry, I'm mostly joking.)

I just don't crave human interaction like it seems so many other people do. I enjoy it sometimes, but I don't feel as though it is a pre-requisite to my happiness (I'm referring to interaction outside of family here, of course).

Sometimes I'll have an interaction with someone that seems to remind me of why I am the way I am. I know I'm not alone on this. Most of us know people that we have to take in "small dosages," and I do not say that haughtily. Being tolerated in small dosages may (or may not) indicate the presence of flaws, but I'm not ignoring the fact that this blog post clearly highlights one of my own.

Lately I've been trying to challenge myself to reframe the way I see these "small dosage" people, or maybe even all people. I want to learn how to look at people almost as though they are innocent children - which I realize sounds ridiculous, but hear me out. In the nature vs. nurture debate, I think I'm just slightly leaning to the right. Genes play a undeniably huge role in making us who we are, but I think the power of our environment is just overwhelming - possibly even helping us to overcome (for better or worse) some of our genetic predispositions. Children are continually being shaped and sculpted by what they are taught by others. If I can learn to view people like that, as a culmination of their life experiences (some of which could not have been chosen) then I will be better for it.

I think to put it more simply, I want to learn how to do the counsellor thing and view everyone with unconditional positive regard. I realize that sounds unrealistic and rather lofty, but it's at least something to strive towards. Loving people despite myself. That, I suppose, is the goal, but right now I'm working on just recognizing that everybody has a story. Those old ladies in Korea who would regularly push me out of line so that they could get on the bus before me? They have a story. And while I can guarantee you that if somebody pushes me out of line tomorrow I'm going to come home and go on a tirade about how ridiculous the human race is, maybe slowly but surely I can work on learning how to let things go faster and easier. (I suppose I should mention here that I still strongly value justice and civility, and while I recognize that sometimes people do bad things because of where they've come from and what they've been through, that doesn't necessarily excuse the bad things. But, I'll blog about civility later!)

The truth is that you never really know what people are going through, or what they have gone through in the past. Experiences affect people. Experiences often make or break people.

Back in the days when I (for reasons unbeknownst even to myself) was a fan of country music and would come home from school and watch CMT, I loved this Amanda Marshall song (which thankfully is not really that country at all). It's called: "Everybody's Got a Story." I'll leave you with just a portion of the lyrics:

See my eyes, don't know what I see
Touch my tongue, don't know what tastes good to me
It's the human condition that keeps us apart
Everybody's got a story that could break your heart

Now who can read the mind of the red-headed girl next door
Or the taxi driver who just dropped you off, or the classmate that you ignore
Don't assume everything on the surface is what you see
'Cause that classmate just lost her mother
And that taxi driver's got a Ph.D

See my eyes, don't know what I see
Touch my tongue, don't know what tastes good to me
But that ain't the picture it's just a part
Everybody's got a story that could break your heart

2 Years

2010-10-04T19:50:00.001-06:00

2 years ago, on this very date, one of my biggest fears came true and I lost one of the most important people in my life. Seems strange that I've been without my Dad for so long now - in all honesty it's still a bit surreal. October 4, 2008 is not a day that I purposely try to remember, to say the least.

I miss my Dad more than ever. I miss his constancy, dependability, authenticity, warmth, and superhuman ability to make anything seem okay. Even in later years as an adult ultimately responsible for myself I could rest assured that I would never be left alone to grasp at straws in any situation. He did not relinquish his parental responsibilities after Lesley and I both turned 18. We were well aware that whenever we found ourselves in a bind it was Daddy to the rescue. And the thing is it wasn't a duty or an obligation with him. It was a genuine kindness and concern for our well-being.

Time keeps ticking, the seasons keep fading into one another. Now the green leaves of Summer are changing into vibrant reds, oranges, and yellows. I'm reminded once again that much like the leaves, our time here is short. We only get a season to make it count and I hope that I can make it count half as much as my Dad did. His vibrance is reflected in the sheer volume of people who remember him fondly.

Daddy, I can't believe it's been two years. Navigating life since you've gone remains a challenge. Sometimes I still feel a little lost. But I've also grown and learned a lot. I think you would be proud of that. There are no words in the English language to express how deeply and truly I (and many others) miss you. There is an indelible void that cannot be filled, a gap that cannot be bridged. But I keep attempting to make my season count because I know that's what you want for me. When people die, the loved ones left to mourn are often told: "He/she is with you in your heart." I never used to buy into that cliche. Now I do. You aren't here, but I carry you with me. But I prefer Coldplay's version: "Those who are dead are not dead, they're just living in my head."

Hope you're having an incredible golf game today.

Love,
Laura XOXO

I Don't Know

2010-09-19T18:31:00.001-06:00

One of my favourite board games to play is "Malarky." Malarky is this game where participants are required to answer the same question, but the question is one that the general population likely wouldn't know the answer to. Each of the participants are given a card but only one card contains the answer to the question. The other participants are required to fabricate a response that sounds believable in an effort to make the others buy into what they are saying. Everyone then votes for who they believe gave the right answer. It's interesting just how believable some of the fabricated "answers" can be. Malarky is a game that is, clearly, best played with skilled liars.

In real life I find it to be less than "interesting" when I ask somebody a question and they would prefer to take the risk of spreading false information than whatever risk is associated with three little words: "I don't know." I'm sure we've all met those people, the ones who would do anything to avoid being perceived as somebody who doesn't know everything.

As a teacher and soon-to-be counsellor, I get that. Yet I think on some level if I'm able to jump down off of my (perhaps self-created) pedestal and utter those three small words to my students, they may begin to see that I really am a human and that my university's education faculty probably didn't provide me with all of the answers to life's basic existential questions. They might experience less shock when bumping into me at the grocery store and even begin to realize at a ripe, young age that educators, in fact, do require food, water, and shelter just like the rest of the human race.

So lately I've just been intrigued by the humility buried deeply within those three words. There's something strangely beautiful about being able to openly admit to a lack of knowledge in an area when you lack knowledge in that area. Knowledge is certainty. It isn't "I hope," "I believe," "I wish," or "I think." Once in awhile it might be good for us to check ourselves and recognize that uncertainty is not necessarily a bad thing. We're only human - and for that reason the list of things we can know for sure is quite limited. I think. But really, I don't know.

Perks of Living in These Parts...

2010-09-04T18:56:00.000-06:00

Perk #1: ...Storms are typically more disappointing than devastating.

Oh, Earl. You badass.

Age is Just a Number, Son

2010-08-31T20:23:00.000-06:00

My day of birth.
Before everyone gets the impression that this blog will only be updated on special occasions, let me just inform you that I am the author of an ever-growing list of things I should probably write about here in the near future. Problem is, it's lying right next to an even longer list of things I have to do while the computer is not on my lap.

In just 20 minutes my birthday will be finished for another year. While I am thankful for each year, I fear that I am becoming one of those people that has a difficult time with getting older. This is likely due to the fact that in my mind I'm really only about 16. Sometimes, I'm 9. But at least I'm honest about it.

30 will probably be especially tough - something about that number just scares me. I remember when my parents and their friends were in their 30s. They were so old. I mean - really, really, old. Sometimes I wonder if when they were in 30 they felt as young, inexperienced, and immature as I know I'm going to feel when that day comes for me. And there I was, thinking they had it all figured out.

My philosophy is that adults are just wiser children. Like I always say: we're all just kids pretending to be adults.

None of us really have it figured out, and I guess that's okay. I appreciate being amongst the young at heart. I certainly fit in with them.

Here's to the late 20s!

Anniversary

2010-08-06T23:09:00.005-06:00

I'm not in any way the type of person who typically divulges information about my marriage. You'll probably never witness me writing about an argument Craig and I have had, nor will you witness me obnoxiously flaunting the strongest points of our relationship at every opportunity in an attempt to prove something to you. My relationship, in general, is personal.

But Craig and I just celebrated our second anniversary and I do feel like that is an occasion worthy of a bit of a public gush-fest. Don't worry though, I'll keep it pretty tame. Promise.

All couples have a unique experience in their first few years of marriage. Craig and I are no exception. After a year of living in Korea we returned to Canada for just a week before we were off to Cuba for our wedding. We had the most amazing time in Cuba with our families and what was, in our opinion, a picture-perfect wedding. On the way back from Cuba, in the Pearson International Airport, we had to say our goodbyes to my parents who were on their way to a small community in Nunavut where they planned to live and work for a couple of years. That was tough. We then returned home, but only for about two days before we drove across the country to move to a community we knew very little about as we had both secured teaching positions there. I remember the fear of the unknown - neither of us ever had real, full-time teaching positions in Canada before. We had absolutely no idea what to expect. But, we were diligent in filling out the mountains of required paperwork and when the new school year started, we did too.

I remember Craig being consumed. He was teaching several heavy sciences courses (physics, chemistry, etc.) in a Catholic school (he's not Catholic) that required him to do quite a few extra-curricular things that quite frankly, as a first year teacher, he had no time to do. I can attest to that. I remember the stress he experienced and the stress I experienced because of the stress he experienced.

Then came that day in October - the worst day of my life, hands down. That knock on the door still haunts me and continues to feel like a bad dream. I was lucky to be employed by probably the most compassionate and people-centered school board in the world - and my principal on more than one occasion seemed to me like an angel sent from Heaven. That time in my life is a blur because I lost a few of the most significant people in my life in a matter of a couple months. The last time I saw my father was at the airport in Toronto, on the way back from Cuba. My last memories of him are from my wedding. He'll never know Craig and I as a married couple. Losing him and other people that I loved so deeply clearly left a lasting impact on my life. If there is such a thing as a journey to acceptance then I'm still on it.

Sometime in the Spring of 2009 I was accepted into the Master's program I had applied for and so when our year of teaching in Alberta was done we drove across the country yet again so that I could attend school. Before school started, though, we embarked on an incredible backpacking journey throughout several European countries. In terms of everything that happened after I started school and up until this point, I'll just say it's been an "odd" year and leave it at that.

Evidently, the two years Craig and I have spent as a married couple have been a whirlwind. There's been a lot of heartbreak, with a few thin little golden strands woven throughout. There is no way that either of us could have known that after we got married everything would go down like it did. But the fact that I was lucky enough to have him by my side through it all is not lost on me.

And well, the truth is, just having someone would never have sufficed. Someone probably wouldn't understand me in all my complicatedness. I never have to turn my head and look to see if Craig is still there with me. I always know he is - silent and steadfast - just wanting to do whatever it takes to help me through.

In these past two years we have both changed immensely and in a vast number of ways. We have grown together into two separate people who are eerily similar in terms of our dreams and aspirations, and especially our philosophies of life . We know each other as good as any two people possibly can and are still able maintain a mutual and unbendable respect.

The bottom line is that I've never met a more stand-up guy than Craig. I don't even know that one exists. And though these past two extremely trying years have left me just yearning for something good to happen, I recognize that I do have something good. Something very, very good.

Whatever the next two years has in store for us - I'm glad I can rest assured of that.

American Idol Shuffle

2010-07-30T21:35:00.008-06:00

As a self-proclaimed reality TV show junkie, I feel I reserve the right to incorporate a few useless reality-TV-based posts into my blog. So here we go.

I've been a fan of American Idol from the get-go. For years I would not only refuse to miss an episode, but I would also saunter over to my computer after each episode to read the recaps on MJ's Blog. You know, just in case she picked up on something that I didn't. Clearly there was not enough American Idol goodness squeezed into the television time slots to satisfy my insatiable appetite.

My obsession has since gotten a bit tamer but I still watch the show religiously and experience mild anxiety if I have to miss an episode for one reason or another (that doesn't happen very often).

I may be in the minority here, but I'm a Simon Cowell fan. That guy knew good teevee. So, it might be a bit of an understatement to say that I was disappointed that he decided to leave the show after this past season was finished. The question for us S.C. fans has always been who in the world will ever be able to replace Simon? Surely no comparable specimen exists. Except perhaps Dr. Gregory House but he's far too fictional.

Then yesterday I learned that Ellen Degeneres, who I just happen to adore, is also giving Idol the finger. Now, part of me feels sad that my dosage of Ellen is going to be decreasing, but the other part of me is delighted just to be right. I KNEW IT! SHOULD HAVE CALLED IT! My intuition never lets me down. Ellen's stint on American Idol was a bit of a flop, no matter which way you slice it. I don't think she did a terrible job on the judging panel, but she somehow never quite fit either. It was an awkward mix up on that panel - a bit uncomfortable to watch at times. And her distaste for being heckled was painfully evident. Not that many people enjoy being heckled - but when you've grown so accustomed to applause as I'm sure she has, the boo-ing from the audience must seem like a much bigger deal than it actually is.

And Kara DiWhatsherface didn't make things any better with her arrogant attitude and iciness toward Ellen. The entire season she sat so far up Simon's butt that you'd swear Ellen was rabid or something. So, even though I think Kara has somewhat of an admirable musical background, I probably will not lose any sleep tonight over the breaking news that Kara, too, will be departing AI.

Rumours are swirling that J.Lo could be one of the next judges. Spencer Pratt and Perez Hilton are campaigning on Twitter to make Perez one of the next judges. While it is still one of the most popular television shows out there, AI's ratings have been dwindling in recent years and quite frankly I fear for its safety and am curious to see what lifesavers, if any, will be tossed out to save it. It has to be big. I mean like American restaurant portion sizes big. Buffet-big, even. What's happening is not just a little botox, it's the Heidi Montag full-on 10 surgeries in a day. A lot for people to adjust to, ya know?

In any case, we still have the Dawg. And Ryan, but he's a weiner. Randy is now the glue that holds American Idol together. He keeps it hawt.

Here are a few of my suggestions for possible replacements, FOX, in case you are reading this which in all likelihood (I mean, come on) you are:

-Harry Connick Jr.
-Justin Timberlake
-Billy Joel
-Madonna
-Kylie Minogue
-Bruce Springsteen
-Lindsay Lohan (once she gets out of jail. She'll bring the drama!)
-Cher (as long as you never allow her to perform on the stage)
-Chris Martin
-Dave Matthews
-Sheryl Crow
-John Mayer (he'd bring a strong musical background, and also the douchebaggery)
-Lady Gaga (she'd bring insane ratings. You know she would)

I know I'm probably missing some of the more obvious artists but my mind is pulling me in other directions at the moment. If any of you who read this (does anybody still read this?) have any good suggestions to add, feel free!

**Written in memory of Simon Cowell, Ellen Degeneres, and Kara DiWhatsherface.**

Summertime and the Livin' is Easy

2010-07-14T22:43:00.000-06:00

Summertime has officially arrived here in my nice little province. How do I know this? Well, my skin has turned a subtle shade of dusty rose and I have a lovely little collection of mosquito bites adorning both of my legs and feet. I'm thinking about playing connect-the-dots and seeing what I get.

Since leaving the foggy, rainy "city of gloom" I've noticed a change in my motivation and energy levels. When the sun shines, I'm happier. It's as simple as that. Well, maybe it's actually a bit more complicated than that because I do enjoy the rain too if it doesn't happen more than twice in a week (3 times, max!). I might like to live somewhere warmer though - where the sun is more than just a welcomed visitor and is more like a steady and consistent friend. I always thought I liked to visit cities and live in rural areas, but I think now I like to live in cities and visit rural areas. Providing that there are regular doses of sunshine. Any suggestions? Who knew I'd turn out to be a city slicker. I blame Seoul.

Being in Summer-mode is not actually proving to be the best thing for my productivity levels, however. The teenager inside of me thinks I'm on a legitimate Summer vacation. The adult in me knows I have a massive research project that needs to be planned and carried out. I will not be sorry when this thesis is done and I can just have the freaking master's degree under my belt. I swear I'm going to wait at least 2 years before I go back to Uni again after that.

The weird thing about this Summer is not having anything spectacular to look forward to. Last year there was the trip across Canada and then Europe. The year before that was leaving Korea and getting married in Cuba. The year before that was the family vacation to Florida. This year I'm a poor student and while I know it's a short-term pain for long-term gain kind of scenario, that logic doesn't bode well for someone who values instant gratification! I need to take a trip! I really do!

I don't see any airplanes in my near future, but I do want to go on at least a medium-sized roadtrip for mine and Craig's 2nd anniversary. Not alone of course. Craig is invited too.

I'm not sure what the point of this little spiel has been other than to express my love for the sun and complain about mosquito bites/being a student. But, it's been a long time since I've just rambled. Every blog needs a Summertime ramble and a rant about something or other.

It's 2 a.m. I should go and force sleep upon myself!

Goodnight! Or goodday!

Silence

2010-06-16T16:37:00.000-06:00

I never used to have trouble thinking about what to write on a blog.

I'd always have some little life update or opinionated rant to share...

These days I rarely feel like posting life updates because I don't necessarily want everybody to know everything that has been going on in my life anymore. And as for the rants, I don't necessarily want everybody to know my opinions on everything anymore, either.

So, what does one write about... when one just wants to write???

I renewed my domain for another year and have no idea what to do or where to go with it. I'd probably be better off with a private blog that nobody I know reads. That way I wouldn't have to censor anything and it would likely be a bit more enjoyable.

What else is there to say except - does anybody have the cure for writer's block?

Tomorrow

2010-05-17T22:26:00.001-06:00

Tomorrow is a word that holds so much promise. It's hopeful. Our dreams of today are supposed to become tomorrow's reality.

Except that oftentimes tomorrow never really comes.

What I've noticed is that our world is obsessed with the hours that happen between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m. Life has become nothing more than the daily grind. People are caught up in the today, but just the little trivialities of it. Work is not just a priority; it is what defines many people. Because of this they have lost their tomorrow and the potential of their today.

I'm not okay with that. No matter what I do I'm committed to do it well, but I have never been willing to pass by the roses and not stop to smell them. I find it difficult to think about being 100% consumed with work for 30 years so that I can then enjoy retirement - when the reality is that none of us are guaranteed that we will ever even see retirement. Some may call my point of view frivolous; I call it a desire to achieve some sort of work-life balance. I guess the bottom line is that just because a certain lifestyle would not work for you, does not make it wrong for somebody else.

I think for me, a dream of tomorrow would be to score a good job in the education system where I am then able to take advantage of the deferred salary deal (maybe 1 in every 3 or 4 years) and go overseas somewhere on the deferral year. Just to keep things interesting.

But that is just one little bullet point on an ever-growing list of things I simply must accomplish. Sometimes I scare myself by wanting to do so much and subsequently realizing that I'm not really making that much headway. I know that if don't accomplish all the things I want to accomplish I will feel as though I have failed myself (keeping in mind that we only get this one shot at life). I am driven, but not driven enough to make things happen today. Tomorrow is an easy excuse for complacency. Tomorrow never comes.

I wonder how much more I would have accomplished in my 25 years thus far had I decided early on to make better use of today and stop dwelling on what can be achieved tomorrow. Sometimes I think maybe I've made my list too long. But is that possible, really?

Has anybody out there found a way to keep tomorrow on the horizon, while really focusing on what can be done today that will help you reach tomorrow? If so, please enlighten me.

To those of you who have found a way to dream about tomorrow while using every today to work toward those dreams diligently - I like you.

People Search

2010-05-01T21:38:00.000-06:00

It is not mid-April. It is May 1st.

But it's okay, because what I love about being human is the prerogative to change my mind about anything. Anything I once said or wrote or believed is subject to change as I myself change, grow, and have more experiences. Just throwing that out there for those people who also like to throw things... in peoples' faces. :)

Related to that in a way that most who read this probably won't understand is the fact that as I get older I find myself searching for people; people who are good, people who are kind, people who are non-judgmental and open-minded, people who do not have any hidden agendas or ulterior motives, people who are true to themselves, people who reek of authenticity, people who know how to really love, people who are passionate, people who are opinionated, people who are down-to-earth, people who are easygoing, people who are honest.

It's a bit of a shopping list, I know. But I continually have my eye out for people who embody (at least some of) these characteristics. Because if they do, I want them in my life. It's all a bit reminiscent of the way my friends and I would scour the crowds at youth breakaways or hockey games looking for nice, cute boys who might fit a pre-determined list of criteria. If they could make the grade they would become the subjects of our daydreams, letters, and conversations for months to come.

I already have several people in my life who I happen to think display some of the aforementioned characteristics beautifully. And this is not to say that anybody who doesn't meet the "criteria" is automatically banned from having any place in my life. It isn't a casting call. But in order for me to continue to grow as a person I feel like I need more all-around people in my life. In some capacity.

My experience to date, is that solid people like I've described (or people who are at least on the journey toward becoming it) are found most frequently in the places you and I would least expect them to be.

Strange, isn't it?

Remember When I Had Time For a Blog?

2010-03-15T20:34:00.000-06:00

FYI, I have not forgotten about my little home on the internet, and have renewed my domain registration for yet another year which must mean that I'm not a completely terrible blogger. The number of deadlines and amount of chaos in my life should decrease around mid-April, at which time I hope to get back into full swing here. Until then, I cannot make any promises! Sigh...I really miss writing for fun.

See you when the craziness subsides!

-Laura :)

Proud To Be...

2010-02-22T10:15:00.004-07:00

I think it's safe to say that I am completely consumed by the Olympics. I am admittedly an Olympic-junkie. (Especially when it comes to the Winter Games).

And then this year, the Olympics are here in Canada, in the beautiful city of Vancouver (which I love). There have been a number of great moments for Canadians during these games so far (I think particularly of Alexandre Bilodeau - the first Canadian athlete to win gold for Canada in Canada). There have also been a number of letdowns: athletes projected to win gold who could not make the podium, etc. Last night's hockey game is a good example of nation-wide disappointment. To be honest I really felt that our players outplayed the American players, but that the American goaltender outplayed our goaltender. Bottom line: Miller was hot, Brodeur was not.

I could really appreciate the Americans who handled their win with grace. Of course then there were the obligatory few who displayed perfectly why much of the world thinks Americans are arrogant/selfish/ignorant (though most of the Americans I know are not). But for the most part I think the win was handled well - perhaps even better than us Canadians handled the loss (even if it's because the majority of Americans couldn't care less about the sport). :)

Despite the number of disappointments Canadians have had thus far, every day I turn on that TV and my heart swells with pride to be Canadian. This is an incredible nation and I almost feel a sense of relief that I am able to call it home. I've been to many different countries and perhaps I'm biased, but there is a certain freshness, a particular atmosphere within this place that I've been unable to find replicated elsewhere. No matter where I go I'm always so proud to have that Canadian flag sewn to my backpack and to let people know where I'm from. There may be times when I get the urge to live in a different country for awhile, occasions when I yearn for travel and new experiences, but I'm well aware that there is so much to explore in my own massive nation. I remember so well the feeling of leaving Korea and touching down in Vancouver to breathe Canadian air for the first time in a year. I don't know that there is a word to describe it, but the closest thing I can come up with is: heavenly.

And can I just say that I'm so happy Quebec is a part of Canada? In large part because I have been a Habs fan for all my life (it wasn't like I just thought it up one day - I was born and raised cheering for them) and the percentage of our athletes that come from Quebec has been duly noted as well. What's more, though, is that I really feel like Quebec's rich history and culture makes our country's history and culture that much richer.

I could go on, and maybe I will at some point. But I guess what I'm saying is no matter how many Olympic events we lose and even if we walked out of the games with NO medals, those of us who call this amazing nation home should hold our heads high and be proud that we have been afforded the privilege of being born Canadian.

Good News!

2010-02-08T10:31:00.003-07:00

Dear Laura,

Fabulous news for a Monday...we’ve won global commitment to cancel Haiti’s debt. Here’s the latest from this weekend...

Your signature was one of 400,000 delivered to the G7 finance ministers meeting in Canada by ONE member Michèle Bertol, a Haitian Canadian living in the small arctic town of Iqaluit (the G7 can run but they can’t hide, ONE members are truly global!). More than 200,000 ONE members signed the petition and a further 200,000 signatures came from our friends at Avaaz, Oxfam, and the Jubilee Debt Campaign.

While in Iqaluit, Canadian Finance Minister James Flaherty announced that all G7 countries – Canada, France, Germany, Italy, Japan, the UK, and the US – have agreed to cancel Haiti’s debts. Exactly what we were hoping for.

You can learn more and share your thoughts on this victory with other ONE members on the ONE Blog:
http://www.one.org/international/blog/category/haiti/?id=1447-4478256-HGFNknx&t=2

Michèle handing over the petition on Saturday

Though the process isn’t complete yet, I’m confident that we’re on track to see full cancellation of Haiti’s debt. It looks very much like Haitians will receive the clean slate they need to start to rebuild.

Thank you so much for making this happen. Moments like this remind me of why this work matters and just how powerful we can be when we act together. I look forward to seeing what we can achieve next.

Yours indebted, er, but not in debt...
Roxane Philson, ONE.org

Complexity

2010-02-05T23:11:00.002-07:00

Lately I've been thinking a great deal about just how amazingly complex we are as humans. More complex than we give ourselves credit for, in fact.

This stint of introspection first began probably around a couple of weeks ago after a series of situations caused me to acknowledge a few things about myself that I was not previously aware of. This acknowledgment was accompanied by a stark realization that though we as people tend to glide through life skating on the surface of the ice, there is a whole ocean underneath us and it impacts what we do on the surface more than we even know.

Sometimes things happen to us that have the ability to change our cognitions and behaviours, and oftentimes we will not even recognize the change or what has caused it. Sometimes things affect us to our core.

And it's hard to be able to swim in that ocean when it's protected by a layer of ice. For some people, the ice, the exterior, seems like a much nicer place to be.

I am perplexed by the ability of humans to not forget. I purposely stray away from the word "remember" because I think it's quite different than what I mean. At the risk of sounding Freudian, most of what I'm talking about happens in the subconscious.

And not only do we have this uncanny ability to "not forget," but the things filling up our oceans tend to become a part of who we are. The things that happen to us throughout our lives, the people that happen to us, are pieces of the puzzle. Much of who I am now is a culmination of events, situations, and people I've encountered up to this point. Sometimes these things will manifest themselves and interconnect in such a way that they alter who we are. I have always known this to some extent, but I think the reach of it is much deeper than I originally thought.

For me, in the past week or so, I guess I've been peering into my ocean. I wouldn't say I've gone swimming in it just yet, but I've definitely gotten my feet wet.

Thoughts on Haiti

2010-01-23T01:15:00.004-07:00

I know everybody is well aware by now of the massive 7.0 quake which devastated the already desperate nation of Haiti on January 12.

Since then, the Haitian people have not once been far from my mind. Being here, I feel a mixture of guilt and helplessness. It's a bitter concoction of knowing that I want to do more, but not knowing how. I feel guilty because I have a roof over my head and many of these people do not. I feel guilty because my fridge houses an abundance of food and fresh water and so many Haitians are hungry and thirsty right now as I type this. I feel guilty because as I go about my daily business and watch their tragedy unfold on my big-screen TV these people are experiencing hell on earth. I feel guilty for not doing more to give a voice to the people in the world who may not be receiving worldwide media attention, but whose situations are just as bleak. Darfur, Congo, Cambodia. And that's just to name a few.

I mention this only because I don't want us to forget that while Haiti certainly needs us to step up to the plate for them right now, other countries are in turmoil as well. Their stories are just heard less.

In any case, I am extremely proud to be not only Canadian, but North American today. I don't recall ever seeing this level of outpouring on a country that was not our own and it warms my heart to see people so willing to give something of themselves. That includes sending money to a broken nation - maybe doing without a family meal at McDonalds or a couple of runs to Starbucks. Seems like a small price to pay when it's put that way, doesn't it?

The issue is that even those who survived the quake are now faced with this second dilemma of not being able to meet their own basic human needs; the need for food and water. Not to mention the need for shelter and safety.

You all know I've had a tough couple years having lost so many of my closest loved ones. Well, think of those Haitians who have lost their entire families in one shot. It's hard to imagine because it seems so far away. The toll that the aftermath of this natural disaster is having on them, not just physically but emotionally, is incomprehensible. If any of you have lost somebody who means the world to you, you know what I'm talking about. Now think of losing everybody who means the world to you. Plus your house and all your means of survival.

If we are not inclined to help the Haitians, then God help us.

On Tuesday it will be two weeks since the earthquake. Haiti is still all over the news, but I've noticed it petering off somewhat in the past couple of days. That's showbiz. What happens when the novelty of the story completely wears off and other news stories begin to trickle in? Will we mentally remove ourselves from the situation? My hope is that this will not become an out-of-sight-out-of-mind problem as the shocking photos and headlines gradually diminish. To let this fade out of our consciousness would be to take a sad situation and make it more sad. It's going to require more than a little while to rebuild a country from the ground up.

I know not everybody agrees, but personally I feel that not only would it be nice if we did whatever we could to help, we also have a responsibility to help. In turn, if we don't help, we are being irresponsible. Rwanda comes to mind. And well, the holocaust, for that matter. If helping for you means fifty cents, then that's still help. Any help is better than no help, no matter how you spin it.

There are so many places to donate, but beware of scams. For a list of reputable organizations, click here: DONATE!

Canadians, for an easy way to donate without having to give out credit card information, text "AID" to 45678. Shortly after you do, you will receive a text back. Reply to that text with "YES" to donate $5. That five bucks will be added to your phone bill at the end of the month.

Americans, same deal, except you text "HAITI" to 90999 and donate $10 per text.

Like I said, I am so proud to be North American today. The way everybody is pitching in makes me feel like maybe we really are who we say we are.

2010

2010-01-05T23:58:00.000-07:00

A new year.

What will 2010 bring? I have hopes for it; hopes for growth, peace, love, and happier times. I am resolving to not make any resolutions, but rather to try and take every opportunity I have to better myself as a person.

I have not been blogging as regularly as I would like in these past few months. There are several reasons for this, some of which include school becoming particularly crazy from November-December, during Christmas I wanted to soak up as much time with those I love as possible, and I have had some other things in the works that have been demanding my time and attention.

I miss writing. And by that I mean writing things that flow from my heart and soul as opposed to gigantic, meaningless research papers that suck the life out of me. It's been a long time since I've been able to sit down at my beloved MacBook and just let some of the thoughts and ideas floating around in my head reveal themselves. With the exception of my monthly letters to Daddy, of course.

Speaking of which, a few weeks ago I decided that my December letter to Daddy would be my last public letter. Even such a small decision as that was extremely difficult for me to make because I do not in any way want people to think I'm "over it" or finished grieving. The untimely death of Daddy continues to impact my life on a daily basis to the point where some days I do not even recognize myself. I don't know that I'll ever completely come to terms with it or that the shock will ever wear off. Of course there has been some sort of progress, but whether or not my progress appropriately follows the textbook example of the "grieving process" is highly debatable at best.

I do not regret writing these letters and making them public because I had a purpose behind doing so right from the beginning. My purpose was to let anybody and everybody who cared to read what I had to say know about this amazing man who happened to be my father. I wanted to honour him by making it public knowledge that although his time with us was relatively short, his was a life well-lived. THAT is why I wrote the article for the Globe & Mail. THAT is why I have continued to make monthly postings in letter-format to him. Of course, I also hope that he is somehow able to get the messages I've been sending...

I think I've accomplished that goal. Daddy's memory is also being kept alive by his friends who formed the "Ray Palmer Legacy Foundation" and all the others who do little things to pay tribute to him.

So why stop? There are several reasons.

1.) As I previously said, I feel my purpose in making these letters public has been accomplished. I still want everyone to know how special he was, but I am currently exploring other avenues for doing this.
2.) I don't have to censor this blog, but I feel the pressure to because I'm aware that there are several people who read this thing but don't comment. My letters to Daddy will continue, but they will be personal and uncensored, i.e., I can express my innermost thoughts and feelings without worrying about who will think what about what.
3.) Death has sort of become a theme for me in the past couple years, and it clearly shows on this blog. I am aware that people probably aren't interested in reading about death constantly. To be frank, my monthly letters were not intended to be for the reading pleasure of anyone. It was something I did in part for myself but mostly for Daddy. I'm sure the theme will arise again in future posts as it has so forcibly pushed its way to the forefront of my life, but as for the letters, I really feel it's time to make them personal and to make room for other topics of discussion on this blog. Especially considering that I never originally intended to share anything about my personal life here but rather discuss issues and topics of interest.

Not to mention that now I also have another grandmother that I'll probably be writing letters to as well...

So 2010 may look a little different around here. In any case, I plan to continue blog-a-ling, and hope that maybe I have some readers who are willing to come along with me for the ride.

Here's to hoping for an eventful (in a good way) 2010.

<3

For Daddy (and Nanny) - December 2009

2009-12-30T22:10:00.000-07:00

Dear Daddy,

Tomorrow is New Years Eve, which means that a full year has come and gone and I have not seen you. Hard to believe that the last conversation we had was in 2008 and the last time I saw you was on the way back from my wedding in Cuba.

Christmas has come and gone, too, and this was another "floaty" one. Anybody who has not lost somebody so close to them may not fully comprehend what I mean when I say "floaty", and even some of those who have may not understand. But it is a word that for me encompasses a lot of what I've felt since you've gone.

This year Isaac was more excitable and Andrew (who is a little YOU) was around too. Those two gave us the gift of little moments of joy. It definitely has not been possible to ignore the two huge gaping holes in our circle left by the absence of you and nanny, but we know you're with us and I believe you're together. Any solace comes from reminding myself of that.

Last Christmas day we went to the "memory garden" to visit you and then headed right to the hospital to be with nanny. This Christmas we went to the memory garden and were able to avoid the hospital. Knowing that the both of you, two people who are such an integral part of my world, are not in any way suffering and are at peace is what gives me peace. Not to say that I've completely come to terms with all this because that is the furthest thing from the truth, but there are glimmers of hope.

We all miss you both so much. It's in the little things and the big things. There are so many things I want you to know and I am constantly yearning to have you both here with me. It is an indescribable sorrow to lose people you love so deeply and who have made it clear that they also love you. I feel in a way that you two are lucky to have escaped from this earth so that you may never know that kind of sorrow again yourselves. You will never have to lose me as I have lost you.

Neither of you will ever be forgotten. Your memory will live on in me and in others as long as we are still on the earth. And I cannot wait to see you again. Facing the inevitability of death has become a lot less scary for me.

I'm not sure how they do Christmas in Heaven but I hope you and all of the others we know and love who have gone before had the most amazing turkey dinner ever. Selfishly, I would give anything to have you both back. I would love to be that kid again who wakes up on Christmas morning not having to think about how her father and grandmother (who was actually more like a second mother, really) are not with her anymore. I miss the magic and the reality of life and death has hit me so hard, so soon. I am sure though, that if we can go through this year and not have anything drastic happen to us, next Christmas will be just a little bit more magical.

You are always on our minds and in our hearts.

Love you both barrels and barrels of nippers eyebrows,

Laura XOXO