Anyone who works with words for a living, lives for language that is powerful, true and indispensable. Primo Levi gave us that and more.

Primo Levi

-Primo Levi, If This Is A Man

What We Have Here is a Failure to Communicate

Action Coach is a national executive and business coaching service. The company certainly looks successful – 1,000 offices in 26 countries, over $200 million in annual revenues.

Considering their size and success, you’d think that the ActionCOACH website would do a fantastic job of communicating their story out to the world. Not so much, as it turns out.

So what’s the problem? The problem is that the ActionCOACH website suggests that ActionCOACH doesn’t use language or written communications as well as it could or should.

In a thousand different ways, ActionCOACH depends deeply on language, on words, to convince potential franchisees, and other potential stakeholders to buy in. You could make the argument that the ActionCOACH core business is really very simple: it’s communication.

They communicate (often complex) ideas, knowledge and information to customers and prospects. How well they communicate will likely have some impact on how well their clients might perform.

This makes sense, right? The better they communicate, the better those on the receiving end can be expected to do.

So if ActionCOACH wants to improve their bottom line, and help their customers achieve their goals, then they really ought to consider improving their communications.

Here’s the home page headline.

7 Reasons Why Thousands of Business Owners Know You Need An ActionCOACH Business Coach or Executive Coach…

I think I have a glimmer of an understanding of what this headline is supposed to mean. I think they mean to say something like this: 7 Reasons Why Thousands of Business Owners Chose ActionCOACH And Why You Should Too. It still is a major clunker, plus, as I scan this headline, I can’t locate a benefit anywhere, nor any kind of emotional trigger. Can you?

Now let’s consider that ellipsis…I think it’s there because the writer thought that it would “pull” the reader along through the rest of the copy. But three dots at the end of your sentence suggests you’re reluctant to make a hard and fast statement. It’s not a clear, solid, boots on the ground kind of statement. It’s open ended and mushy. I’d lose that in a heartbeat.

Now, let’s take a look at the opening paragraph – this is the most important piece of real estate on the site.

1. Business Coaches and Executive Coaches Can Show You How to Get More Returns with Less Work

You’re working too many hours and pretty sure that if you left for a vacation or holiday, things wouldn’t operate anywhere near as effectively as they do now … put another way, you’re ready to work a whole lot less … Whatever you call it, small business coaching, executive coaching or just plain old business mentoring, ActionCOACH is the worlds #1 business coaching firm and executive coaching firm. In fact, in 1993 Brad Sugars and ActionCOACH started the business coaching industry and now with more than 1000+ offices in 26 countries, ActionCOACH has literally turned the old business consulting model into business coaching and executive coaching, a far more powerful, profitable and more affordable way for you as a business owner or as an executive to get the help and mentoring to grow your company..

This is the opening paragraph! I’m hoping Brad Sugars, the founder and CEO of ActionCOACH, didn’t pay a lot of money for this copy. The last sentence of that paragraph has, are you ready for this? 67 words. One sentence.

Pretty sure? Whatever you call it? Anywhere near as effectively? Things wouldn’t operate anywhere?

I’m sorry, but there are so many “things” wrong here, it would take me all weekend to unpack them and I don’t have that much time.

Part of what is going on here is a keyword stuffing exercise for seo purposes. There are 11 references to “business coaching” or “executive coaching” starting with the headline and in the first paragraph. But the rest of it is just sloppy, poorly crafted writing. What a shame.

From Brad Sugars’ bio page: “Perhaps due in part to his naivity at a relatively young age…” I think the word here is supposed to be “naivete.”

From: Why You Need an Action Coach

Every great performer, whether an elite athlete, business legend or performing superstar, is surrounded by coaches and advisors.

And, as the world of business moves faster and gets more competitive… it is difficult to keep up with both the changes in your industry and, the innovations in sales, marketing and management strategies as well. Having a Business Coach is no longer a luxury, it is a necessity.

On top of all this, it’s difficult to get a truly objective answer from yourself. A Business Coach is like a consultant, with years of successful experience that can provide valuable insight, help you develop long-term and short term goals and strategies, as well as improve your business in areas that you might have overlooked. (40 word sentence.) Don’t get me wrong, you can survive in business without the help of a Coach, but it’s almost impossible to thrive…

Again, with the ellipsis. But only two this time! Yay! On contractions: make a decision. Either use, “it is” or “it’s” but choose one and stick with it, don’t use both.

“Years of successful experience CANNOT provide valuable insight”

Get me rewrite! “A Business Coach is like a consultant, who, with years of successful business experience, is able to provide valuable insight…” Still awkward.

“…it’s difficult to get a truly objective answer from yourself.” Lord have mercy.

I recently met some folks from ActionCOACH. They were really very nice people and are doing some really good and useful work. Also, a good friend of mine in Canada, worked closely with an Action Coach and was thrilled with her coach and her experience.

So clearly, they have something important to offer their prospects and clients. But like all of us, there’s room for improvement.

Mr. Sugars, I can be reached at 503.621.2215 in the U.S. Look forward to chatting with you.

What's at Stake in Your Business?

I had a long, fascinating talk with a business coach yesterday. Which led to this little thought experiment.

Imagine that you make a mistake in the course of running your business and that mistake resulted in someone almost dying.

Example No. 1 “New Hope for Cancer South of the Border”

Let’s say a reputable magazine publishes a story about a breakthrough cancer treatment that’s happening at a clinic in Mexico. “New Hope for Pancreatic Cancer South of the Border”. Experts are cited. Patients are interviewed. Testimonials abound. Sick people flock south.

But there’s a little mistake. The research is flawed. The testimonials are fakes. This clinic is nothing more than a crew of negligent, incompetents intent on getting sick Americans to part with their greenbacks. Two people take a quick turn for the worse. The publisher, and the writer, have made a serious mistake and almost cost two people their lives.

Example No. 2 – The Unhappy Auto Mechanic
A car mechanic is seriously distracted by personal and financial woes and one fine day makes a big, bone headed mistake with someone’s brakes. His customer drives away and soon thereafter gets into a serious accident. Thankfully, in this thought experiment, no one gets hurt.

Now consider physicians and nurses, airline pilots, military people and all those other folks whose work can so often mean life or death. When those folks make mistakes, people can die. Lives are on the line.

Now think about your own business - what do you do everyday to keep your self happy and afloat? And, more important, what are the stakes for your customers?

For most of us, the stakes are not life or death. But if you think about it for a few more minutes, you’ll realize that the stakes are probably higher than you might realize. If I write a crummy headline, no one will die, but my client loses business, my own reputation suffers, and to stretch this further, I’m not exactly helping my profession, either. If you sell someone a mortgage they can’t afford, the stakes are very high. Sadly, we’ve seen this one play out, and it’s not over yet.

So this business coach said to me, “This is very serious for me. I take this so seriously because I’m dealing with people’s livelihoods, with mortgage payments and so on.” She went on to say that for her the work of coaching a business owner was a very, very big responsibility. And in all the important ways, I believed her.

For her, my livelihood, my ability to make mortgage payments, my ability to fulfill my professional potential along with her own professional reputation was at stake. How could I not hire someone like that?

So, what’s at stake in your business? Would love to hear from you.

"No"

The word “no” has to be one of the crummiest words in the English language. “Would you like to go to dinner sometime?” “Um, no.” “Did you get the job?” “No.” “Is there a cure?” “No.” “Will you marry me?” “No.” Did we win? “No.”

The only good thing about the word “no” is its shocking finality, its absolute clarity. There is no ambiguity about the word no at all. No, wait, scratch that. No isn’t so clear after all.

In the cat and mouse game of boy meets girl, “no” can often mean “no, absolutely not” or, “not right now” or “yes, but I’m not supposed to so, um, no, I think” and so on. For teenage boys and girls “no” is like an inkblot test designed by M.C. Escher – its meaning changes every time it shows up.

So there I was over at my local Safeway/Starbucks the other day getting a mid-afternoon latte and a brownie. (I should have “just said no” to the brownie but I digress.)

Anyway, when it came time to swipe my card, I swiped away. And as I punched in my pin number I was asked a very simple question with two possible answers: “Would you like to make a donation for breast cancer today?”

“Yes” or “No.”

I felt like a teenage girl with a cute, panting boyfriend. “No” in this case was really more like a, “maybe yes, but not right now.” But I wasn’t given that choice. It was “yes” or “no”. Which is really a bummer because I have said yes to a breast cancer donation again and again and again at that very same Safeway. But not being independently wealthy, I can’t indulge my altruistic leanings every time I am prompted. So “no” it was.

The problem is that I felt like a cheapskate. If I choose “yes” I’m a good guy, if I choose “no” well, I walk out feeling tight and a little cheap. How about if instead of “yes” and “no” the good folks who design these campaigns gave us “maybe next time”.

That way, if I decline, I’m not made to feel so small about it, and I’ve made a small promise to donate next time.

What do you think? Yes or no?

If YOU would like to make a donation to help in the fight against breast cancer, you can do so here>>

Update: From the great minds think alike department. One day later comes this post on the word “no” from Christopher S. Penn. I found it at Chris Brogan’s New Marketing Labs website, but the author is Christopher S. Penn, author of the blog Awaken Your Superhero. Here’s an excerpt from his piece called The Power of Not Yet:

There’s a little too much no out there.

No, you can’t.
No, you don’t have that.
No, that’s not affordable.
No, you’re not good enough.
No, you don’t know how to do that.
No, you can’t reach those customers.

The problem with no is in the finality of its tone. No cuts off possibility, especially inside your own head. Are you good enough to get this job? If your mind says no, then you move on – but chances are, you don’t come back, and that door of opportunity closes forever in your mind.

Read the whole post here>>

What is it? It isn’t about you.

One day my barista was in a very customer centric mood. His timing was exquisite.

Your marketing efforts are not about you. Your marketing efforts are about how you can empower, make better, or change the lives of the people that need what you have. It’s about THEM.

That is the simplest and most straightforward way to describe what we mean by customer focused copywriting. Think of it this way: anytime you have an opportunity to speak to your customers – via a cappuccino! your website, blog, Facebook, Twitter, corporate brochure, white paper, e-book, whatever – you have two choices. You can talk about yourself – “Stafford Security – We are the number one rated home security company in Elkhart, IN” to which I say,  Who cares?

Read the entire post here>>