Photo courtesy of Delilah

Welcome to e[lust] - Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #29 (Which will be in September, taking a short summer break)? Start with the rules and subscribe to the RSS feed and Twitter for updates and submission reminders.

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

What makes me a woman? - It’s a stumper, this question. There must be something that makes me a woman. Something more than how I am perceived by others as I walk down the street. But what is the answer?

Baggage: An Inventory – Everyone brings bags with them. My goal is to carry my own bags. I’ll let people help me shed them, but I will never let them carry them. Those bags are my own to, well, own.

There’s pain and then there’s pain (and then there’s pain) -Part of what I crave in the second type of pain is the selfish sadism of the partner who continues despite my pleas. He does it because it arouses him, and he does it because I’ll endure it for him.

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

What Is Gender? – Playing with dolls and preferring the color pink doesn’t make you a girl anymore than chewing on a bone makes you my dog.

~ e[lust] Editress: Dangerous Lilly ~

Sex Toys: Single or Partnered, there is no shame in owning them – There’s no fucking shame in owning your sexuality, in taking control of your own damn orgasm. Can you PREFER human contact and partnered sex to sex toys? Sure. You can prefer whatever the fuck you want. But don’t insinuate to me that owning a lot of sex toys is somehow bad or shameful.

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable ~after this point~. Thank you, and enjoy!

New Blogger Education Posts

Blog Design 101: Balancing Personal Style vs Readability

A Cautionary Word on Joining Affiliate Programs

Kink & Fetish

BDSM Day, an international recognition

BDSM Advice Series: Bondage Tape

Being a Brat Can Hurt

Caning, energy and romance

Screw roses! I enjoy playing with Thorns…

Working Girl

Erotic Writing

A Trip to the Toy Store

Can I get into your knickers now?

Coffee Break

early afternoon

Elevator Shaft

Fogged-up Windows

Fucking Eli

FWB

I’ll see you tonight…

One on One

Open By Night

Overtime

Rock Out With My Cock Out

Renewed Interest

Twenty/Fifty-Three

that little fucking game changer [part I]

the weekend away – Sunday

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Death By Bondage

Hypocrite, PA-Rant!

kink labels….is there a place for me? (or someday my kink will come)

Things I Looove Thursday

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Ask PolyAnna: Multiple partners?? Safer sex??

Are My Nipples Getting The Correct Signals?

Evolution

More Pussy Pride – The Perfect Vagina

My Take On Masculinity

Rambling Harlot: On Internet Dating and Shyness

Sex and Catholic Schools

Sex And Disability: Starting the Dialogues

Neamhspleachas – What Makes Gender

Dangerous Lilly – Labels – Being Politically Correct and Queerly Correct

Eusi Mto – Gender Anarchy and Gender Equality

Curvaceous Dee – What Makes Me A Woman

Sexpert Jane Blow – Are My Nipples Getting the Correct Signals

Sinclair Sexsmith – Living Gender

Ellie Lumpesse – My Take On Masculinity

On a basic level, the book does just that. It provides a general overview of the types of toys available and describes material types as well as basics of playing with them. This book is definitely one that is geared towards beginners with toys so it starts from the premise of needing to convince your partner to play with them and needing to overcome personal embarrassment.

Now, there are certainly people out there that may have feelings of shame and embarrassment about sex toys but I’m not one of them. This irked me a little bit as I began reading but I was able to get past it to evaluate the information that was provided. And the information in this book is of good quality and reliable. However, there were some serious issues with it that ultimately turned me off pretty significantly.

Beyond the assumption of shame and negativity that the book started with, it also carries a strong assumption of heterosexual cisgender relationships. That assumption was one that I could not get past. A book like this has an opportunity to normalize a spectrum of sexual behavior, gender expression, and relationship styles by mentioning them as equally valid and Dr. Sadie Allison doesn’t choose to take that opportunity. The book is illustrated and the illustrations and text refer almost exclusively to hetero couples. The pictures of solo play depicted all depict female-bodied people. Even the chapter on anal play only has passing reference to the male prostate and otherwise assumes female-receptive anal sex. The only image in the book that depicts a same-sex couple is of two women in the section on double-ended dildos.

Beyond the huge blindspot of non-hetero sex, the book also has a somewhat obnoxious tone. Dr. Sadie Allison’s attempts to come off as playful and flirty end up sounding juvenile and embarrassing.  The jokes and puns all sound dorky and forced and they often come at the expense of complete information.

My final critique is the the book doesn’t make a single toy recommendation. Perhaps this is an attempt to appear neutral or keep the material up-to-date but some reference of particular toys and manufacturers would be an incredibly useful element that is simply not included.

In summary, Toygasms: The Insider’s Guide to Sex Toys, is a book that is stymied by inadequate scope. If you have no information whatsoever about sex toys at your disposal it might be helpful. But if you are sitting here right now, reading this review, you don’t fall in that category. With so much quality, specific, up-to-date, and gender-sensitive information available online, I can’t think of a reason to read a book like this. A great place to start, in fact, would be the Good Vibrations Magazine.

Nonetheless, she and I have kept up with each other. With each story of the Arab Spring, I think of her. I wonder if her family is well. I wonder if her activist friends are safe. I’m grateful that she is safely in Prague instead of being bold and loud and beautiful (and in danger) as I know she would be in Syria right now.

It sounds mundane, but we’ve maintained contact via Facebook. She comments on my posts and we chat briefly. Nothing special really. Then last night, she said, “My dear Ellie, I will belly dance at your wedding!”

I thought to myself, “Ah, wouldn’t that be nice. But this is just Hania being Hania. Too much beauty and love in and intention to be constrained by reality.”

But, it turns out that there was a great deal of truth to what she said. She followed up with a private message to me saying that she would be returning to the United States for her PhD. And not just anywhere but right here. At the University I work at. So, Hania will be near to me again and I am so hopeful to rekindle that friendship. She moved something in me that I’ve not quite felt before with another woman. Something I desperately wanted to feel with my ex-girlfriend Ariel but couldn’t because of all of the pain and stress of that situation. She felt safe, soft, sisterly but also so mysterious and sensual. I felt that I knew her but that I wanted to always be closer.

So, Hania will return here in a few weeks and I am looking forward to introducing Mr. Vanilla to her – I think they will get along quite well. And I hope she will let me tie her up again and that she and I will cook delicious, fragrant foods, and that she will teach me to belly dance. But I will be glad to just be near her.

A few years ago, I hosted a series of interviews called “Musings on Masculinity”. Due to my general flakiness as a blogger, I failed to ever complete the wrap-up post where I would tie threads together and describe some of my own perspectives on the questions. I did have a draft of this post going, though, and it has been nominated to be resurrected from my Dead Letter Office.

For me, the most influential model of masculinity in my life has always been my Dad.

So, who is he? He is a high school drop-out that served in the Navy. He had a stack of LPs that I raided as a teenager – everything from Meat Loaf to Lou Reed. He stood by my mother as she battled cancer and mental illness for the entire span of their marriage. He rode a Harley long before I was born but has never stopped talking about it.

Because my Daddy had been a sailor, he swore like one. At some point during my early teenage years, it became accepted in our house that I might curse and as long as the swear wasn’t directed at him, there wasn’t a consequence. The only memory I have of being told directly what a woman is or does by my father is this. One day I was recounting some story of pain or anger or injustice and it included a tirade of f-bombs. He quietly listened to me finish speaking and then, looking beleaguered, he said, “Ellie, that isn’t very lady-like.”

My Dad saw me as a loose cannon because I didn’t have a mother. I know he fretted over it and I know that for part of him, every date he went on after my mother died was an audition. Was this the woman that could raise his daughter? I know my father thought of his masculinity as a hindrance to being a good single parent. Faced with the prospect of raising a young girl on the cusp of adolescence alone, his gut reaction was to seek out reinforcements. He dated several women under the agenda of finding me a “female figure” in my life.

Through my teenage years, he trusted me implicitly. I know he always thought I was getting up to much worse trouble than I really was. But he wasn’t an authoritarian, rather he was respectful of my autonomy and unrelentingly proud of my accomplishments.

For all the ways my Dad is rough and tumble, his version of masculinity is one that is informed by honesty, respect, and fidelity. He is fiercely protective of those he loves but he also taught me to be strong beyond any limitations that were placed on me or my gender.

So, as I reflect on gender lately and my fear of the masculine elements of myself, I remember the parts that come from my Dad and I become more comfortable embracing and inhabiting them.

***

The Carnival will chug along on Thursday, July 7th with a post by Dangerous Lilly.  If you are interested in participating, see this post to learn a bit more. Then jump in! You can fill out the straggler entry form so that I can be sure to include you in the wrap-up at the end.

That form states that sign-ups are open until today, July 1st, but I’m going to keep them open until July 3rd so that we can fill out the two week period of the carnival with awesome posts. So, if you want to claim a day to post on, get cracking!

Here are some of  the awesome bloggers already signed up:

Curvaceous Dee

Sexpert Jane Blow

Eusi Mto’s Toybox

Dangerous Lilly

Sugarbutch Chronicles

Neamhspleachas

If you aren’t sure what is expected of a carnival participant, please read the original call for submissions. It lays it all out for you. Then, after you get excited about how awesome things will be, sign right up!

Welcome to e[lust] - Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #28? Start with the rules and subscribe to the RSS feed and Twitter for updates and submission reminders.

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

Ruby LOVES her body, so should YOU – What ever size you are, love yourself, be nice to yourself and concentrate on health instead of looks.

Performances - So, of course, I don’t have any sensation in my cock, but holy baby Jeebus, sinking into her is so fucking hot that I groan right along with her.

10 reasons why I shouldn’t have had sex, but did anyway – I’ve written extensively about happy-sex; so now here are some of the more unpleasant reasons why I’ve had sex.

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

Energy Orgasms – There is a moment, an incredible moment, when it feels like the universe is concentrated in my body.

e[lust] Editress: Dangerous Lilly

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable ~after this point~. Thank you, and enjoy!

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

A response to: #Slutwalk will not show our daughters how to get respect
Accidents Happen
All the Time in the World
Dear Jane: How Do I Gain Sensitivity Back After Masturbating Too Much?
Friday Flix: 10 Things We Would Like to Say
Hole. Confession #573
Look at me (please)
Lusting After Sexually Confident Women and HNT
Oh Really?
Sex Toy Collecting
Why Can’t I Orgasm?

Kink & Fetish

5 Kinky Toys from the Restaurant Supply Store
A Piece of Meat
Being a Domme, Alone
Daddy’s Good Girl
Emotional Masochism
Fucktoy Friday: Urethra Play
Good Morning
Inexorable Love
More Adventures in Chastity
New figure nudes
Plugged

Erotic Writing

Continentally Close
Entwined
First Memory of Sex with Nicole
Far From the Madding Crowd
First kiss
green candle wax
Happy Birthday Baby Girl
Lusty Lips
My first swinging experience
Seducing my Professor
sexy bitch/sexy beast
Strapping On For the First Time
seminar slut
To seduce you
The Minotaur
Twisted Words
The Heist

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Gender Celebration Blog Carnival – A Call for Submissions
Marilyn Monroe: A Sex Goddess Searches For Her Elusive Orgasm
Welcome

Thursday:

• Got settled in and ran into old friends.
• Demo bottomed for Murphy Blue in his Sexable Shibari class. Can you say rope dildo?
• Attended a BDSM for Bigger Bodies class that was moving and inspiring.
• I meet up with a play date for some fire. She graciously offers to end our scene by giving Mr. Vanilla a tutorial on fire and he proceeds to light me up. We bought some fire torches of our own the next day.
• Mr. Vanilla and I fed each other fruit, wine, and chocolates at the Temptation in the Garden of Eden party. Then we fuck on a comfy Liberator zepellin lounger.

Friday

• Take in a rope class with Sir C called 5 Fast Functional Ties.
• I went to Mollena‘s Taboo Play, and Working Through Extremes class. She is just as awesome of a presenter as I’ve always heard.
• After lunch I jump in the pool and a water edge play class is going on. I wander up and get drowned. It is a hot rush.
• We attend Graydancer’s Slow Rope, Hot Knots class. He is a great teacher and manages to execute the demo really well despite his pants falling off and cutting himself half way through it.
• At dinner, I host a blogger meetup which is attended by a handful of people including: Graydancer, Amethyst, Jade, and Passional.
• We meet up with a sexy friend from home that is also a camper. Mr. Vanilla gets to experience his first threesome. We do a summer campers/counselor themed roleplay.
• We end the night by bartending at the Chain Reaction party a black light dance party. By the end, my feet are covered in liquor and mixers and I’m exhausted.

Saturday

• After breakfast, I have a hot rope scene with Murphy Blue. He uses a crotch rope to great effect.
• We attend a punching and deep impact class. This is my favorite kind of impact play and this class breaks it down very clearly and provides some new techniques.
• We attend the Kink County Fair and end up buying a violet wand from Scott.
• I get the chance to serve as a demo bottom for Midori’s Hand and Foot Bondage class. She puts a pretty painful to walk on foot tie on me and has me wander around the room.
• I meet up for a hot punching play date. The dungeon is too hot so we stand in the grass.
• After dinner, I meet up for a knife play date. It starts off slow and sensual until it is interrupted by my kidnapping.
• My kidnapping is intense so I cry for awhile after it. The aftercare takes up the rest of the night. Mr. Vanilla is so remarkably amazing at taking care of me.

Sunday

• We are some of the few people that make it to Sunday morning classes. It was worth it for Sir C’s Nurturing Your Inner Evil Genius class.
• We are much too eager to try out our new violet wand so we head to the dungeon and play a bit. Then, Mr. Vanilla gives me some *amazing* oral sex.
• In the afternoon I attend a class on Dirty Talk  by SherynB that is similar to one I’ve taught in the past. I got a lot of great new ideas.
• After dinner we meet up with friends for smores and chat around the camp fire.
• I wander down to the Machine vs. Machine fucking machine event.
• Mr. Vanilla and I head to the dungeon and do a scene together. We get to break in our new violet wand a bit better.

Monday

• We pack up and get ready to head home.
• We start talking about maybe trying to come back in August for Ropecamp.
• We finish camp by attending Lee’s closing circle. I cry a lot.
• As I’m leaving closing circle, I stub my toe badly, ripping the toenail and we need help from the medic.
• On the way home from camp, doing 80 on I-95 just South of Richmond, Virginia, Mr. Vanilla asks me to marry him and I agree.

To say the least, I took a lot out of this weekend. I already knew I was attending the event with a partner who I wanted to marry but I got to arrive home from the event with the man I knew I would marry.

summer lingerie by Miss-ElizabethRose 

Welcome to Pleasurists, a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days. If you like what you see and want more of it be sure to follow our RSS Feed and Twitter.

Did you miss Pleasurists #134? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #136? Be sure to read the submission guidelines and then use the submission form to submit before Sunday June 26th @ 11:59pm Pacific.

Want a shiny new toy? All you’ve got to do is enter.

• Your Highness Vibrating Dildo Contest Deadline: June 21st @ 11:59pm Central.
• Gossip Ring Giveaway Deadline: June 23rd.
• Tightenz Giveaway Deadline: June 24th.
• Wecome Back S Spot Giveaway! Deadline: June 28th.
• True’s 4th Anniversary Giveaway! Deadline: July 2nd @ 7pm Central.
• Pleasure My Spot $25. Gift Card Giveaway Deadline: July 4th @ 11:59pm Eastern.
• Crystal Causes $12,000 sex toy giveaway & community fundraiser Deadline: July 31st.
• Buy Short Erotic Story PURR And Win A Free Sex Toy! Deadline: July 31st.

Editor

Scarlet Lotus

On to the reviews…

Vibrators

• WOW! No. 5 by buzzvibe
• Touche Opis by Marilyn
• Evolved Novelties Bet on Black by Toys in Love
• Jimmyjane Form 4 by Joan Price
• Bodywand Wands by Mistress Kay
• Ann Summers Rampant Rabbit Touch by Joanna Cake
• Divine Temptation by Lucid Obsession
• White Heat by MD’s treasure
• Extase Elegance by Mistress Kay
• Slit Licker by Lucid Obsession
• Rebel Toyfriend by Naughty Snow White
• Sinfully Sweet by Sammi

Dildos

• Icicles No. 12 by buzzvibe
• Icicles No. 24 by Cella
• WetForHer Two by HotMoviesForHer Sex Toy Crew
• Mr. Blue Vein by Kitty Stryker

Anal Toys

• Your Highness by Sammi

Toys for Cocks

• Inner Vibe Erection Ring by Red Vinyl Kitty
• Pirates Stoya Pleasure Ring by CLP

Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.

• ONO Massage Oil by Mistress Kay
• Sweet Beauty Chocolate Body Cream by Kitty Stryker
• Wet Naturals Silky Supreme by Kit O’Connell
• Good Clean Love by Teagan Shepard

BDSM/Fetish

• Door Jam Cuffs by Mistress Lady Evyl
• Not4Play Rubber Collar by Mystress Lady Evyl
• Sportsheets Soft Cuffs by Mistress Kay

Adult Books & Games

• Original Plumbing Magazine: Schooled by Kitty Stryker
• Pocket Book of Sensational Orgasms by Lucid Obsession

Adult DVDs & Porn

• Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Female Orgasms by Mistress Kay
• Mon Cher Sherry by J.D. Bauchery
• Golden Girls #190: Down and Dirty by Ginger Leigh
• Straight Guys For Gay Eyes And Women Too: TJ Cummings II by Ginger Leigh
• Squirt Facials 2 by J.D. Bauchery
• Choke My chicken by J.D. Bauchery
• Tristan Taormino’s Rough Sex 3 by Bzzingbee

Lingerie

• Transform Gaff Panty by Mistress Kay
• Splendid Garter Belt by Kitty Stryker

Miscellaneous

• Toy Cleaner by Red Vinyl Kitty
• Durex Avanti Bare vs. Lifestyles Skyn by Kit O’Connell
• Dual Breast Exerciser by Red Vinyl Kitty
• Pink Butterfly Body Charms by Teagan Shepard
• Penis Suckers by Red Vinyl Kitty
• Going Down Kit by Teagan Shepard
• Jaguar Harness by Ellie
• Fun Factory Smartballs Teneo Duo by Teagan Shepard

1. I am a woman femme.
2. Who rarely wears makeup. But owns a lot.
3. But has more than a passing interest in buying shoes. I’ve only bought 1 pair of shoes in the last 4 months. I don’t think that is excessive anymore.
4. Although, handbags have never done much for me. I have paid too much for a few leather bags in my old age.
5. I am a music snob.
6. This is due to 5 years in radio.
7. But I know my boyfriend thinks he knows more about music than I do. New boyfriend, new attitude, but Mr. Vanilla still has great taste.
8. He probably does.
9. I lost my virginity just over 3 9 years ago.
10. I am 23 29 now.
11. You do the math – subtraction is addition’s tricky friend.
12. We planned it in a very responsible manner.
13. Before losing my virginity I had kissed 2 girls.
14. And 2 boys.
15. One of those boys probably doesn’t count because it was during Spin the Bottle when I was 13.
16. It turns out that I am very orgasmic. I was still operating on the assumption that having an orgasm at all counted as very orgasmic. I know much more orgasmic people now.
17. I feel really bad for my friends that can’t get off during sex. Geez, I was a condescending twat.
18. Sometimes I wonder if they aren’t trying hard enough. Hey, me from 6 years ago, fuck you!
19. Or perhaps their boyfriends are just lousy in bed. Bitchy and heterosexist, nice one.
20. If you haven’t caught on yet, my boyfriend is excellent in bed. Still true.
21. I am Jewish.
22. That doesn’t have much bearing on my life, but I think it turns my boyfriend on.
23. And it means I call my grandmother “Bubbe”. She still hopes I’ll find a nice Jewish boy. I think she got over that hope, she just wants me to get married and start having babies.
24. Okay, I officially feel creepy talking about my family on a sex blog. Well, I got over that when I told my Dad about this blog.
25. I have a major thing for British accents.
26. They are an instant turn on. This is dreadfully cliche.
27. But it means that if you are British there is a strong chance I want to have phone sex with you. And if you have a few bucks a minute, I will also have phone sex with you regardless of your accent.
28. I also have a thing for the neurotic type. This seems to cross over with the British thing. As well as the Woody Allen thing.
29. I wrote a really bad poem about a neurotic guy when I was 17.
30. I still haven’t stopped trying to hook up with that same guy. I stopped when he moved to the West Bank instead of finishing law school.
31. I know fully well that it would be terrible sex, too.
32. I come up with ideas for projects much faster than I can produce them.
33. I never owned any proper lingerie before a few years ago my early twenties.
34. Now I have an extensive underwear collection.
35. My boyfriend calls them funderwear. I *do* keep dating men that have a penchant for puns. . .
36. I think I have a nice ass.
37. Folks seem to agree, especially the bums downtown. Did I really use the word “bums”?
38. I really enjoy having my butt rubbed, it is soothing and relaxing.
39. I have two cats. They have pretentious names based on literature.
40. I am pretentious.
41. This means that I can’t get turned on by stupid people.
42. Or people that use netspeak.
43. Things I am pretentious about include music, coffee, martinis, and film sex and cocktails.
44. Things I am not pretentious about include wine and books.
45. Although I still bristle at the idea of best sellers, I end up reading chick lit NPR recommended non-fiction when I am bored.
46. It is the literary equivilent of pop rocks.
47. Lately, I’ve been reading anything that Nerve.com recommends. I find it is a good way to read something sort of pervy without resorting to romance novels. Oh my god, how did anyone tolerate me when I wrote like this?
48. A cheap romance novel was probably the first thing I ever masturbated to. TRUE FACTS!
49. I wonder if it would still work? Probably.
50. I go to graduate school. I teach at a University.
51. It doesn’t seem to be as hard as everyone says it is. I’m probably just not working hard enough.
52. I like being tied up.
53. And being told what to do.
54. I guess that makes me a submissive.
55. I wish I had a larger bed. I have a King sized bed that was built by my sweetie!
56. Dirty talk gets me really hot. I don’t get enough of it.
57. You wouldn’t know any of this by looking at me.
58. Apparently, my default facial expression isn’t very kind or welcoming.
59. I have pedestrian rage, so when I walk down the street I tend to scowl.
60. I do have a lovely smile, though. I’ve been complimented on my dimples.
61. I almost had a threesome once but I chickened out. Well, I got over that pretty handily.
62. I really want to try again sometime with the right people.
63. I shock my friends and even casual acquaintances by extolling the virtues of anal sex.
64. I really am that passionate about it!
65. In my opinion, it helps to have a partner that is willing to receive as well as give.
66. Also, lots of lube! Put some on, when you have enough, add more!
67. I think I would make a good advice columnist.
68. I have been reading Savage Love since I was 15.
69. I just got contacts recently. I hate putting in contacts. Poking myself in the eye is a hard limit.
70. And now everyone is noticing that I have pretty eyes. It is a nice ego boost. Whatever, my glasses are hot.
71. I mentioned to a few friends that I am tracking when men check out my chest. Now my friends are pointing it out to me as well.
72. For being so interested in music, I don’t listen to it often enough while having sex.
73. Although, I did trick my boyfriend into making out to Boyz II Men once. He wasn’t pleased.
74. By way of revenge, he gave me head while Bauhaus was playing.
75. I pretended to be mad but I enjoyed the head way too much to care.
76. I am very perceptive of smell.
77. So, I often use different shower gels to remind me of people and experiences.
78. Speaking of, showering together is over-rated. It seems like someone is always standing outsite of the water getting cold. You know, showering together is what you make of it.
79. But, I have had my share of good experiences with it. They mostly involve blowjobs.
80. I once met a guy that said he would give up sex forever if he could be guaranteed to have someone to spoon with.
81. I kind of understand what he means – but I don’t think I could give up sex.
82. I have attempted to buy sexual favors with Monopoly money.
83. It almost worked.
84. But, no dice. I still haven’t gotten to watch two men together. Been there, done that, would do it again.
85. This is a pretty big fantasy of mine. Unfortunately, gay men, by definition, aren’t interested in helping me get off. Even if it is just watching. But queers of all flavors and sorts have helped me explore just plenty.
86. I have also never given oral sex to another woman. I haven’t done it lately. . . I should remedy that.
87. I think that lesbians are leary of me because I seem like a silly bi-curious girl am in an apparently het relationship.
88. I guess I am. Nonetheless, they shouldn’t be so picky about free oral sex.
89. I don’t understand cyber sex.
90. Don’t try to explain it, you won’t change my mind.
91. I have a lot of trouble finding good porn. I guess I need to actually pay for it. And you should pay for good porn too!
92. I once shaved my pussy completely.
93. It got very angry with me. So now I just keep things trimmed and shave the most pertinent parts.
94. Although I will admit that I get lazy about it since I am in a long distance relationship because I am lazy.
95. I rarely drink but when I do I get too randy for my own good. I frequently have a few drinks but almost never to excess. Drunkenness isn’t particularly sexy to me.
96. I own several way too many sex toys.
97. I have one small tatoo. I don’t regret it but it also doesn’t mean much to me anymore.
98. I voted for Kerry. And Obama. Duh.
99. I read about 20 35 sex blogs every day. And develop crushes on the writers.
100. I secretly wish that some of them had crushes on me.

I think the fascinating thing about blogging is that you present these snapshots of yourself and they just sit here. We tend to write in the present tense and then continue to evolve. I recognize that simply editing this list is, in itself, a disingenuous act because it is unlikely I’d start with many of the same ideas if I wrote 100 things from scratch again.

What are some of the biggest things that have changed about you since you first began your sexual exploration?  If you’re a writer, do you have old work that makes you cringe?

As I mentioned a few days ago, Mr. Vanilla and I are going to Dark Odyssey Fusion. I’m usually really bad about blogging about Dark Odyssey events after the fact so I figure I might as well talk about this one before it happens.

One of the features of Fusion in particular is that there are staff members that are designated to orchestrate kidnappings for the attendees that express an interest. It is an opportunity to have a scene that flirts with non-consent fantasies and has an amazing surprise element built into it. I was intrigued by the opportunity, discussed it with Mr. Vanilla and proceeded to “apply” to be kidnapped. Knowing that he would be there as part of the team of captors gave me some leeway to explore darker sides of my sexuality. The kidnapping application asks us to “paint a complete picture” of our fantasy and this is what I wrote.

I am imagining being taken unexpectedly and blindfolded so I don’t know where I’m going. I imagine experiencing intimidation, fear, and confusion. The people that have me seem to be strangers and I don’t know why they are taking me but they are hostile. When we stop travelling, they bind me into place and finally allow me to see my surroundings. They are stark, maybe even clinical. My captors are cruel and mocking. They are interrogating me for a crime I didn’t commit. They torture me to try to get information or a confession. They use painful techniques like slapping, punching, hair pulling. They threaten me with weapons. One may try to choke me. One of them rapes me orally or vaginally. Finally, I am brought to tears and, under duress admit to the crime I am accused of. They untie me and leave me sobbing on the floor.

I wrote the above description quickly, without a lot of pause for contemplation. I was surprised by how easily it poured out of me. None of it seemed particularly extreme when I was writing it. Then I read over it again to proofread and be sure it is what I wanted to submit. I gasped at my own boldness. I so rarely articulate fantasy in this way much less one as violent as this.

I called Mr. Vanilla to the computer so he could read over it. I wanted to make sure that he was still on board for being involved. Not only was he on board but he began communicating with the people in charge of my kidnapping and planning. Currently, he is teasing me mercilessly and dropping infuriatingly vague hints.

I expect that this experience will not be fun in the traditional sense but will be quite fulfilling and cathartic. Depending on what my captors decide to do, it might be the most extreme play I’ve engaged in.

I know some of you are into pretty hardcore stuff. How do you experience anticipation for scenes like this? Do you find yourself transported into the fantasy? Any bad experiences? Any advice on processing?

I’ve tried a good handful of harnesses at this point in my life and the Jaguar Harness is at the top of my list thus far. First of all, mine is sexy black leather that feels gorgeous against my skin and slides across my hips and thighs in a most becoming manner. The quality and construction is phenomenal. I think it is really important to have a strap-on harness that makes you feel sexy. So many I’ve tried have been a bit awkward and that really makes a difference.

The Jaguar will accommodate a variety of O-rings and also works with a double-ended toy. This was a big benefit. I tried it with the Feeldoe and it worked great. The Feeldoe is intended to work without a harness but I never had much luck with that. The Jaguar  was the perfect harness to keep it in place.  The three strap design also allows for easy access to my pussy while I’m using it with a standard dildo. That is never a bad thing.

The leather cleans up very easily with a damp cloth and mild detergent. The metal fasteners were sturdy and have not shown any sign of rusting after several cleanings. Just use common sense and clean as you would with all leather products and the Jaguar should last for a very long time.

Thanks to Babeland for providing this product.

I look at this list and can see that some of them are obsolete, some are vague, and some are almost complete but just missing that last push for completion.

1. Unwelcome
2. Bloggers I Don’t Want to Fuck
3. Sex Blogging and Acceptable Levels of Risk
4. Twee BDSM
5. Why I Sorta Don’t Ever Want to Be Fisted
6. My 5 Desert Island Sex Toys
7. My Take On Masculinity
8. This Slut Can’t Be Shamed
9. Kissing Girls, 5 Reasons Jill Sobule Beats Katy Perry
10. Playing Hard to Get

If you were me, which ones would you finish first?

Bound on Reflection by boykitten

Welcome to Pleasurists, a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days. If you like what you see and want more of it be sure to follow our RSS Feed and Twitter.

Did you miss Pleasurists #133? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #135? Be sure to read the submission guidelines and then use the submission form to submit before Sunday June 19th @ 11:59pm Pacific.

Want a shiny new toy? All you’ve got to do is enter.

• Gushing Giveaway Deadline: June 19th @ 11:59pm Central.
• Lust Cosmetics Edible Massage Oils Giveaway Deadline: June 20th @ Midnight Central.
• Your Highness Vibrating Dildo Contest Deadline: June 21st @ 11:59pm Central.
• Gossip Ring Giveaway Deadline: June 23rd.
• Wecome Back S Spot Giveaway! Deadline: June 28th.
• True’s 4th Anniversary Giveaway! Deadline: July 2nd @ 7pm Central.
• Pleasure My Spot $25. Gift Card Giveaway Deadline: July 4th @ 11:59pm Eastern.
• Crystal Causes $12,000 sex toy giveaway & community fundraiser Deadline: July 31st.
• Buy Short Erotic Story PURR And Win A Free Sex Toy! Deadline: July 31st.

Editor

Scarlet Lotus

On to the reviews…

Vibrators

• Lux Rejuvenate by Flowering Ooo
• ONO Cleo by Mistress Kay
• Jopen Vanity Vr6 by Mystress Lady Evyl
• Anthro Dragon Dildo by True Pleasures
• Tantus Little Secret Touch by Bzzingbee
• Fukuoku Love Glove by Mistress Kay
• Silver Bullet & Bunny Sleeve by HotMoviesForHer Sex Toy Crew
• Gossip Ring by Teagan Shepard
• Matryoshka by Arabella
• Curvy Rocket Toyfriend by Arabella
• Papaya Toys Candy Stick by Beanfiddler

Dildos

• Tantus Goliath by Pixel Kitten
• Your Highness by Teagan Shepard
• Don Wands Duchess by Kit O’Connell
• Crystal Delights Epiphany Wand by Toys in Love
• Natural Contours Energie by Lucid Obsession

Anal Toys

• Fun Factory Flexi Felix by Mystress Lady Evyl

Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.

• System JO Wild Gel by Mistress Kay
• Lust Cosmetics Edible Massage Oil by Teagan Shepard
• Suntouched Candle by Red Vinyl Kitty
• Blossom Organics Revitalizing Breast Cream by Teagan Shepard
• Blossom Organics Revitalizing Breast Cream by Lucid Obsession
• JimmyJane Afterglow Candle by Ellie
• Please Liquid Lubricant by HotMoviesForHer Sex Toy Crew

BDSM/Fetish

• Sportsheets Paint Brush Whip by Mistress Kay
• Bondage Boutique Leather Ball Stretcher by Ruffled Sheets
• Fetish Fantasy Series Web Restraint System by True Pleasures

Adult Books & Games

• 52 Sex Positions Flash Cards by Teagan Shepard

Adult DVDs & Porn

• Scooby Doo: A XXX Parody by Sammi
• Tristan Taormino’s Rough Sex 3: Adrianna’s Dangerous Mind – Scene 7 by Ginger Leigh
• Belladonna’s Dirty Panties (Disc 1) by J.D. Bauchery
• Raw and Ready by Ginger Leigh
• Official Jerry Springer Parody by J.D. Bauchery
• Softcore Nudes 115: Burlesque and Nudes ‘40’s and ‘50’s (All B and W) by Ginger Leigh

Lingerie

• Sexy School Girl Costume by True Pleasures
• Dreamgirl Crotchless Lace-Up Panty by Teagan Shepard
• Corset Style Fishnet Pantyhose by Lucid Obsession

Miscellaneous

• Rosebud Feather Tickler by Mistress Kay
• IN2U Discover Duo Balls by Joanna Cake

“Um,” he thought for a moment, “needle-fire-bondage-fistfuck?”

Yes. Yes, yes, yes.

In case you haven’t heard me babbling about it incessantly on Twitter, we are attending Dark Odyssey Fusion.

I’m excited to be returning to a Dark Odyssey event. This will be my first one since Summer Camp of 2009 and Fusion looks like it will shape up to be excellent.

Mostly, my excitement is too big to leave much room for being nervous. Mr. Vanilla is asking a lot of great questions and seems excited as well. We are also lucky to have a local friend that is  a DO regular so I won’t be the only person there that he will know.

As for the “needle-fire-bondage-fistfuck”? Well, he gets a 3 out of 4 points on that guess. I haven’t made a fisting date just yet. . . Any takers?

The carnival is about reflecting on gender, questioning it, doing the hard work of grappling with it but also experiencing the joy of celebrating it. Does everything we say have to be all sunshine and puppydog tails? Absolutely not! Celebrations often include intense conflict, debate, and even mourning. This one will be no different. However, my hope is that when we take the time to think, write, and converse about gender we’ll bring good things into the world. We’ll shed light on the beauty of the human family and we’ll all become closer.

It is with that hope in my heart that I am humbly requesting submissions for the first (hopefully of many) Gender Celebration Blog Carnival.

The concept is simple. A group of bloggers all agree to post on the theme of the Carnival during a particular period of time and they link to the posts that transpired at the  end of the Carnival. What happens in the middle is the real magic as we will hopefully have fascinating things to read and great conversations to share on the issues that are generated. Think of it like a two week, virtual cocktail party with a fabulous guest list.

Each Carnival will have a theme and the opening theme is “Living Gender.” What does that mean? Well, you tell me! That is the point of this first Celebration. Share the ways in which you live gender or how gender touches your life. If it sounds like something you could write a dissertation on, then just tell us a tiny piece. Your submission might be a personal essay, an anecdote, a joke, a polemic, a photograph, an piece of art, a poem, or any number of other expressions you can think of.

Getting excited? In that case, please allow me to answer some of the questions you might have.

When will this happen?

July 5th – 16th, 2011. And then hopefully for a few weeks out of every month after that. If participation warrants, future carnivals will stretch across more days.

I want to post for the Gender Celebration Carnival, how do I do it?

Yay! There are two ways to get involved:

1) You can request to be pre-scheduled for the carnival by submitting this form no later than July 3rd, 2011.

This allows you to get scheduled on the carnival and mentioned in the opening post. It also lets all the other carnival participants know to watch out for your post. Your completed post will then be listed on the carnival wrap-up post at the end. It is like having an invitation to the cocktail party.

2) You can just make a post on the theme between 4th and 16th. Then fill in this form with a link to your post.

This option doesn’t allow us to include you in the opening post but we will definitely include you in the wrap-up post. It is like crashing the party but being so charming that you’re still offered a party favor before you leave :)

What is required of participants?
Make two posts on your blog: your submission to the carnival and the carnival wrap-up post.

Your own post is a response to the theme of the carnival in whatever format you refer. I do ask that somewhere in your post you link to the main carnival site (here) as well as the post that came the day before you and the blogger that is coming up after you.

The carnival closing post is a final round-up of all the posts both scheduled and extras that appeared. For the closing post, I request that you include the full list of links provided but beyond that you can customize it as you wish. Add a picture! Comment next to links you loved! Include a summary of a topic that appealed to you. It is your blog and our Celebration so personalize as you wish.

Optionally, you can help promote the Gender Celebration Carnival by posting on the day it opens with the list of blogs participating and the schedule. This information will be provided to all participants and available on this site.

***

Ready to sign up? GO!

Well, I ended up not needing to refer to it when I sat down and wrote the post. I was pretty handily able to remember the details and get them down without my helpful note. Hence, the note was temporarily buried underneath a book on the coffee table. It wasn’t until recently that I picked up the book again and two notes came falling to the floor. Both my original note (above) and another. This one.

The top item, “Documenting events.” Apparently, Mr. Vanilla decided to document me documenting with a list of things he wanted to remember. His list made me laugh in delight and then promptly made me cry (apparently just as he had done while thinking about how awesome I am.) He is good at that. Poignant and hilarious and sweet all at once.

Oh, and just because I thought you might be wondering. “Bowl of dildos” isn’t some hilarious inside joke it was just another thing (like “noisy cat attention whores” and me “sleeping sweetly”) that he was observing that morning. As long as we’re documenting, here is the proof, or, to state it in the vernacular, “pics or it didn’t happen.”

Of course, if I wanted to nitpick, I’d mention that some of the toys are vibrators and they are in a colander, not a bowl. But, you know me, I’d never want to nitpick.

JimmyJane makes some seriously sexy toys. They tend to be sleek, streamlined, and beautifully packaged. In fact, once you count the aluminum bodies on the vibes, they have a lot in common with Apple products. One of their most inventive and sensual products is the Afterglow Candle. Babeland was kind enough to send me this gorgeous sex toy to try out.

Afterglow comes in a ton of gorgeous scents: Dark Vanilla, Bourbon, Pink Lotus, Cucumber Water, Grapefruit, and Ginger Snap. This means you can evoke a different mood based on which one you select. If you’re picky about scents or just unsure of which one to select, another fun option is the adorable Afterglow Sampler Set which includes a mini candle in each of the scents.

I tried the Pink Lotus scent and found it to be feminine and delicate but not overly sweet and cloying. It was distinctly floral with the slightest hint of earthiness to tie into the heat of the candle. These candles work by melting at a relatively low temperature and turn into a luscious massage oil. You or your partner can then pour out some of the oil to apply to the body. You can choose between pouring it into the hand first or if you want to turn the heat up you can carefully drizzle it on your partner. The porcelain holder of the candle even has a pouring spot built in!

Because the Afterglow is massage oil, it doesn’t behave in the messy way that playing with wax candles can. If you’ve ever played with wax, you know it can be very fun but also pretty painful or even have the risk of serious burns.  You won’t have to worry about that with the Afterglow. It is a perfect way to try this fun activity without running any risks. Of course since you’re playing with an oil, be sure to be careful around any toys that are oil-reactive and be extra careful with your latex safer sex supplies.

Between the gorgeous smell and the sexy glow of the lit Afterglow candle, you’ll find yourself transported using this item with your partner or by yourself.