Lunzygras

Wordless Wednesday: Workin' Girl

lunzy@lunzygras.com (Lisa Spector) — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 18:09:00 +0000

Brain candy.

lunzy@lunzygras.com (Lisa Spector) — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 17:36:00 +0000

I haven't forgotten about my personal homework. I'm working on it, but really want to take my time. Until then we have been enjoying this fabulous little appetizer of Spring. The sunshine, any sunshine, is such a treat. We're happy, excited, ready for the days.

BigBoy is such an Outside Kid. He would rather be outside playing than just about anything else. Sassy? Not so much. She's pretty content doing just about anything, anywhere, at any time. Don't get me wrong, she loves to be outside, but doesn't absolutely CRAVE it. NEED it, like BB. He's busy. all.the.time. Unless he's cuddling with Mama. He needs to get busy outside. a lot. create his world of people and things with leaves and sticks and whatever else he finds-- with or without his friends. And he can do it for hours on end.

I'm loving my latest read Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children From Nature-Deficit Disorder. It's about how we've really lost our connection with nature, how natural spaces are disappearing from our home environments and how kids needs unstructured outdoor play. We are so fortunate to live in the Kinda Country. We have fantastic neighbors AND a large, mostly fence-less yard, connected to other non-fenced yards. next to a horse pasture. and the Mini Lords of the Flies gather the second it's warm enough to play. I love that my kids have this as their playground.

And that we can go about two miles to this fabulous natural park.

And that we live in the Shenandoah Valley, surrounded by this.

I've never been a Nature Girl, quite the opposite growing up in suburban Los Angeles. A world that is segmented into more private, protected spaces than you can shake a stick at. I never in a million years would have thought we would have ended up here, surrounded by a whole lotta nature, but I wouldn't change a thing.

But back to the book. It's a fantastic read. A great follow-up to Free-Range Kids. One of my Intents is to read more. Not necessarily parenting/ kid related books, but lots of different styles for ME, for my interests and enjoyment. My Twilight Experience really reminded me how much I love, and miss, reading for pleasure. Though I may not devour 600+ pages in a day about unstructured, natural playing, it's great having some brain candy.

So what kind of brain candy do you have going on? Are you trying to pick up a book more often? What are you reading?

Wordless Wednesday: Anticipation

lunzy@lunzygras.com (Lisa Spector) — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 14:44:00 +0000

My soundtrack

lunzy@lunzygras.com (Lisa Spector) — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 20:43:00 +0000

I had a mental post going, actually a few, but then Monday became a very industrious and fun-filled day.

I worked out. Yes, you read that correctly. Jillian and I started up our love affair again with The 30 Day Shred. Last year I had just started rockin' my Shred Action and the Great Flood of 2009 hit our basement. My working out seemed to lay stagnant along with the water. So I dusted off Mr. Snarky (our wii fit) and Jillian. I must be a glutton for pain and humility. But I got that out of the way in the spirit of Eating The Frog early in the day.

Sass and I had lots of batch cooking and food prepping to do for the week. I cooked some dry pintos, made hummus from garbanzos from the freezer, made hard boiled eggs, baked two loaves of wheat sandwich bread, browned 2 pounds of ground turkey and we started a double batch of brownies! And then BigDaddy came home and created major havoc on our industrious day. God love him!

He brought up the song Double Dutch for some reason with Sass. And then, because technology can make it so, Double Dutch Bus is thumping from the laptop speakers. Meeeeemories.

This song reminds me of being around 10 and listening to my mom's K-tel "Dancer" tape-- a compilation of disco songs. I loved it more than life itself. I played it over and over and over. and over. I had created dance routines to most of the songs. Double Dutch Bus was on it. And so was Celebration by Kool and The Gang. These were the first songs that I played because I wanted to hear them, not because my parents were listening to them. Me. Celebration continues to be one of my most favorite songs in the whole wide music world. It was our recessional song for our wedding. No lie. Yet another reason why I love this man.

I would never claim to be a "Music Person." I have an ipod I never use. I never know the artists names of songs I like. unless you count Laurie Berkner, which I don't. I don't have a genre per se, I like what I like. and it's really a mishmash of things.

But BigDaddy started to play other songs on youtube and we were off! ooooh! remember this one?? okay, my turn! Okay, I have another one! In typical lunzy form, I could sing most of the words, though badly, but I couldn't guess a single band name. But the songs. The music. The memories. I did have those.

Buffalo Gals- My cousin had the record, probably the 12" mix and played it on my Mexican grandma's record player. Not any old record player, but a record CABINET, full blow piece.of.furniture. It was nice. really, really, nice. Then my cousin started to scratch the record, DJ Rapper style, as we do-se-doed in the "nice" living room. You know, the one that only company uses. filled with glass breakables. and the Nice record player. did I mention that? I have no idea what this poor woman thought about a couple of crazy 5th graders dancing around to this "music" and scratching a perfectly nice new record. Only in America, right? I think she yelled something to us in Spanish, but I had no idea what she was saying and my cousin probably pretended he couldn't hear her (he was my interpreter.) So we kept on do-se-doeing.

Soft Cell's Tained Love- I listened to this on the Mighty 690. Yes, folks that would be AM radio. Same cousin and I would call in and request this song all the time. AM Radio. 'nuff said.

The Specials Message to you Rudy- Jr. High and my sweet boyfriend, Mike. He loved Ska music and introduced me to something I never heard coming out of my parents cassette/8-track player. He was in band, a trumpet player, and even gave me the mouthpiece to his trumpet, I think his first one? I still have it somewhere... The creepers. The black and white checkers. A totally different world. I loved listening to The Specials. My parents had no idea what the heck I was listening to. Which made it even sweeter. I started to listen to the radio all the time. and bought record albums. and I watched videos on Video One with Richard Blade on KTLA. We didn't have cable at that point.

I became part of the New Wave music movement. I was a child of the '70s, but a teenager of the '80s. Sadly, BigDaddy was a Hesher -a Metal Head with long hair and lots of earrings. We don't exactly hold the same songs dear. He did however have a friend that was a New Wave fan. Thanks Jorge! So he is pretty familiar with my favorites. I fell in love with Depeche Mode, Madness, Violent Femmes, The Cure, Siouxsie and the Banshees, The Clash and Big Audio Dynamite, Echo & the Bunnymen, Psychedelic Furs, OMD, The Specials, New Order, Erasure, Oingo Boingo, The Smiths, Pet Shop Boys.... KROQ. MY music.

Music weaves itself in and our out of lives. School dances (White Lines) Or being heartbroken and listening to "our song,", adding further torture. (Groovy Kind of Love) Or singing with friends on the way to the beach on Ditch Day. (Joy and Pain) Or hanging out in the back of the school bus with friends reciting lyrics. (West End Girls) Or driving around on a summer night just 'cause (Dr. Feelgood) Or hearing the same song over and over during practice for a competition routine. (Groove is in the Heart) Or post-football game parties (Blister In the Sun) It makes it feel like yesterday.

It was fun going down memory lane via youtube. Sass shook her groove thang, of course. And we had quite the dance party going on. I wonder what the munchkins will have on their memory list. I have lots of Beatles and Disco on mine from the early years. But we tend to listen to a lot of Latin music (Salsa and Jazz), pop, and rock (courtesey of the resident Head Banger) with kid choices of Gene Loves Jezebel and Beyonce thrown into the mix. We are currently creating their personal soundtracks. What makes The List? What will be "their parents' music"? I can't wait to hear it!

Tell me what's on your soundtrack and why?

shoulda, coulda, woulda

lunzy@lunzygras.com (Lisa Spector) — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 14:33:00 +0000

I was out a few weeks ago with some friends, one of my rare Girls Night Out, and my friend said something that made me freeze my thoughts.

It was about the word Maybe. She said whenever her parents said "maybe" it always meant no or that it wasn't going to happen. Oh man. Did that ever hit home. I will freely admit to things that I won't be doing. I own it. But I'm also the Queen of Maybes. Maybe we'll do "X" someday. It never happens. It's my way of making my wishful self, seem more like my reality. Living vicariously via "maybe". Maybe I'll take belly dancing classes again.... Maybe I can take some more Spanish classes at the college... Maybe we'll get bikes and go on family bike rides.

Maybe maybe maybe.

And it's become an easy default to say to the kids. I really don't want to say no, because honestly, these are things I really want to do and there is actually a chance that we would do it, given the right circumstances. But unfortunately, the circumstances don't seem to be right. ever. So we don't go, don't see, don't do. But when I say yes to things, it does happen. I'm totally committed. We're in. I just need to figure out how to transition more of the maybes into yeses.

My new mission is to figure out my Mission, my Life Path. To start living intentionally. I've heard this phrase time and time again, all over the blog world-- from Evangelical, homeschoolin' homemakers to super crunchy, tree huggin' eco-warriors. Basically, it means to figure out your intent; your mindset is devoted to self-awareness, growth and understanding. A purposeful application of intention to create the reality you wish to live.

Bingo.

I think I get so caught up in just getting through the day, I forget how to LIVE during my days. I get into the "just 'cause" mode. Just 'cause we are hungry.... just 'cause I need to get this project done.... just 'cause we need to make an appearance. No whys or hows, just cross it off the task list.

I haven't totally figured out what my intent is yet. I kinda started this last year with our eating habits; eating more wholesome, organic, local foods and less junky, processed food. But I didn't apply this thought process to the rest of the areas in my life. I know, Babysteps. It really makes sense though. Family goals and personal goals. What the heck we want out of life and how we want to get there. This is my personal homework.

What is my intent? How do I want to live my days? What type of person do I want to be? What's my role? How am I going to make this all happen?

So who else wants to join me? Come on Loyal 7 (and you lurkers, I know you're there from my stats!) We can meet up next week and share. Anyone... anyone?

photo credit: Lady-bug via flickr creative commons

Wordless Wednesday: Cute or Creepy?

lunzy@lunzygras.com (Lisa Spector) — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 14:03:00 +0000

What I learned. snow edition.

lunzy@lunzygras.com (Lisa Spector) — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 13:13:00 +0000

Snow.

My entire livelihood has been dependent upon snow. BigBoy has been out of school for two straight weeks. This will most likely be our snowiest season ever. I've become quite the stalker on weather.com and NOAA's weather.gov. I've basically reverted back to more homeschool-like days/activities. we've kept busy. tried to enjoy the extra time together. and we've all been learning everyday. including me.

I've learned:
I'm not a weather wimp, just a bundle-up wimp.
It's too much for me to deal with getting a 3 y.o. outside (after spending 45 minutes to locate and put on all the needed cold weather items) to find out she wants to go back inside after 10 whole minutes. Truth be told, she's not that into hanging out, playing in the snow. All she really wants is to officially be "playing outside in the snow" (i.e. touch some snow and go) so she gets the coveted Hot Cocoa with marshmallows.

I'm really AM a planner at heart.
Snow days are no big deal if I actually know about them ahead of time. Week 1 was miserable. We found out about not having school the night before at around 6 p.m. Week 2 we figured the week was a wash with snowdays and guess what? we had fun. and the days were slightly organized. and we didn't go crazy.

Sassy looks fabulous in Elton John-esque glasses.

I miss tweeting on Twitter.

Messed up granola bars still taste fabulous.

I might not need to spend so much time at the grocery store.
Grabbing only what we really needed from the store has been an eye opener. Milk, eggs, bread (seriously) plus lots of produce. And that's really about it. A few beans/lentils here and there. Granted, we have a freezer full of stuff, lots of pantry staples, but still. Given the time and lack of children, I would have spent more. I am waaay under budget for this month. We do eat better when I can spend more time focused on it, but I think I can come up with a better happy medium.

Math and Science is way more fun when you get to eat your lesson.

Kahlua is d'lish with snow cream.

I've made some pretty wonderful friends.
This would have been miserable to deal with alone with two small kids. But we have great friends here now. People who make up my support network. Our neighbors, other parents, BigDaddy's co-workers. all of us get through these things because we pitch in, join forces and see our way to the other side. We help each other with kids, shoveling, trips to the store, phone trees for yet another cancellation. It takes a village...honestly.

So here I am once again. Will we? Won't we? Officially we have a two-hour delay, but according to my sources, we should be getting more snow. If the bus actually shows up, I'm taking off as soon as it leaves my walkway. Sassy and I have a postponed lesson on economics today. A field trip to Target.

p.s. this post is dedicated to @marciamarcia, who likes picking our brains to see what we're learning. :)

Wordless Wednesday: photographer

lunzy@lunzygras.com (Lisa Spector) — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 11:49:00 +0000

Snowpocalypse 2010

lunzy@lunzygras.com (Lisa Spector) — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 14:55:00 +0000

We survived Snowpocalypse 2010! BigDaddy made it to Philly safe and sound and the munchkins and I didn't totally freak out after being snowbound all weekend. Hooray!

It's really amazing how much a community can shine in these moments. My neighbors rock. My town rocks. My IGA rocks! They were totally re-stocked and ready to go on Saturday. Saturday, people! For being in the Kinda Country, we really scored in the neighborhood department. I had people calling to check on me and the kiddos, Menfolk shoveling out my driveway for me, and friends to keep me company and to enjoy the gorgeous aftermath with.

Friday the kids and I, okay mainly just me, did a series of silly photos to keep us entertained as the storm gained ground. I was stuffy and sleepy with stuffy and hacky kids. In a snowstorm. Yeah Me! So in addition to raiding the craft box, baking, watching movies and playing wii, I played with dolls. In the snow. You can see the stream here. Belle is still MIA, but if the Search and Rescue Team comes up empty handed we should find her by the end of the month.

BigDaddy comes home today and I'm excited for all of us to enjoy our Winter Wonderland together. I don't think BigBoy will be back to school until Thursday, that's what I'm banking on anyway. It's closed for today and we should be getting more snow tomorrow morning. I'm thinking I might even try out some new recipes for you guys as we have more down time. I need to get back into the kitchen and start experimenting again. One neighbor is making homemade yogurt now. Another gave us homemade marshmallows. really ladies? They are totally raising the bar and I'm not too happy about it. I need some great skills.

Today I'm attempting Mexican Hot Cocoa Mix. Maybe that's my niche... all things Mexican. I AM a Mexi-Germ after all. I can represent! Although, it's not something I've mastered and I'm actually better at Jewish cuisine. hmm... back to the kitchen drawing board.

Stay warm, dry and toasty!

~ lunzy

Hunkerin' down

lunzy@lunzygras.com (Lisa Spector) — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 13:47:00 +0000

It's deja vu all over again....

"Paralyzing Storm."

BigDaddy traveling for work.

searching for the sleds.

crazy people at the grocery store.

It isn't enough that BigBoy has been out of school this past month more than he's been in school-- or so it seems. Or that he hasn't been in school one.single.day.this.week. Nooooo. We need to bust open the can of weather whoop ass and snow 18-28 inches in the Valley. Just when BigDaddy needs to travel out of town. of course.

But this time I'm ready.

I fought off the hordes of senior citizens pushing their mini-shopping carts at Kroger and stocked up with 10,000 boxes of Kleenex, coffee, eggs, bread, milk and organic baby carrots. Toss in some generic flour for making play-dough, crafty things for constructing valentines, a few games of Candyland and Sorry, a recipe for homemade granola bars and some Kahlua for MamaBear. I'm ready for Mother Nature to take over our lives yet again.

Or so I thought. We all woke up sick this morning. of course. good thing I beat Ethel to the 10,000 boxes of Kleenex.

Wordless Wednesday

lunzy@lunzygras.com (Lisa Spector) — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 15:54:00 +0000

I'm jumping in on the Wordless Wednesday blog posting. Since my week has been snow, snow and more snow. And no school. Technically, this isn't wordless.

Going with the Flow

lunzy@lunzygras.com (Lisa Spector) — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 14:51:00 +0000

This is really classic lunziness.

I started this post last week. All about starting up with routines. That, deep down, I'm really a routine girl. How our family really thrives with routines in our lives, though we seem to fight them. How the holidays turned our days upside down... um, over a month ago...and I needed to gain some order.

But then life got in the way again.

This time, I blame it on school. or the lack thereof actually. We had a teacher workday on a Friday, followed by a totally unforeseen canceled day of school on Monday, followed by a 2 hour delay on Tuesday. Oh, and throw in a neighbor who was having a scheduled C-section on that Tuesday, so we had a few extra munchkins running around the house on those days. And did I mention that it's winter? so it's c.o.l.d. and it's been raining, so it's muddy now. which means for the most part, all indoor play for the moment. and it's really, really, cold. I did mention that right?

So yeah. My routine boot camp was put on the back burner. sigh. The munchkins are going stir crazy with cabin fever and I feel like this house is a never ending to-do list scattered with a selection of crackers and dirty socks.

I need Flow. Back in college I took this General Ed class in recreation, Challenges of Leisure. Doesn't that just scream Southern California college course? And something that has always stuck with me is the theory of Flow-- "a state where attention, motivation, and the situation meet, resulting in a kind of productive harmony or feedback" (from my friends at wikipedia.org) Gotta get me some of that Flow. Structured flow, but flow, all the same.

I am moving full steam ahead. kinda. I want our lives to run smoother. And having some sort of routine is key. I know this. I really do. But I fight it for some reason. Like suddenly everything will get done even if I don't plan it. Like if I don't run the dishwasher at night before we go to bed, the dishes will still miraculously be clean when I need them the next day. Or if I don't pick up something on the floor, someone else will do it for me. Or if I move something from one inconvenient spot to another inconvenient spot, it will suddenly be a GREAT spot.

Now I'm not going all Flylady on you again. Because, it just doesn't work for me. It's a bit too structured. I get all bent out of shape and totally throw in the towel. And the reality is my life just doesn't work that way. Like it or not, my life is at the mercy of BigDaddy and the ~~cursed~~ beloved volleyball program. Our weeks, days, minutes are always changing due to his work. Toss in snow/flood days and we've got a non-stop party. What I CAN do is create little habits to move things along. yes. THIS is what I need to incorporate more of. Bite sized pieces to fill in the gaps. I really like SimpleMom's post about starting your day off with doing your least favorite to-do list item first, your "frog" of the day. It's also fun to inform everyone that you are going to "eat your frog"--be right back. I also got out a blank weekly planner worksheet to jot down the things/appointments/activities that ARE regular and make sure BigDaddy and I are on the same page. These are non-negotiable, in PEN! (or google calendar), and we need to plan around them. Working out, craft time with Sassy-- stuff like that is included, as is a weekly vb meeting for us in his office. Are we official or what?

Last weekend I spent most of the day in my jammies, totally anti-routine behavior, but I feel like I got so much done. I finally did a meal plan again and started some of my batch cooking. Made a big ol' pot of turkey stock from leftover holiday carcasses that have been hanging out in my freezer. Later in the week I made tons of cream of turkey soup- a good base for lots of meals. I doubled up on pancakes and french toast, so those are ready and waiting in the freezer to go into rotation for hot breakfasts during the week.

I spent a LOT of time getting my coupons organizers, well, organized. I needed to get them up to date-- trashing expired ones, clipping my piles of newer coupon inserts, and scanning the sales circulars/ deal blogs. Since I had my meal plan set (based on main items already in our freezer or pantry,) it was easy to come up with what else I needed and see what items were cheap, especially with coupons. Of course Big Daddy made fun of me since I couldn't just "run to the store" because I had no idea what items I needed to get at which store yet. I needed my piles separated. I still don't have my "system" for this, but it's getting easier and I'm saving enough to make it worthwhile--even if it's still a bit haphazard.

I'm also playing hardball with our budget now that the holiday frenzy is over and our spending is pretty consistent again. I've been following the advice of SimpleMom can you tell I just love her stuff?? and using pearbudget along with a FREE checking account and multiple FREE savings accounts with INGdirect. I cannot tell you how much I'm loving it. I'm not a numbers person at all and I stress over doing our budget because I always feel like I'm missing something, or added something up incorrectly. But I have to say, I'm feeling pretty good and we are already saving money, bills are paid early and even I can understand what I'm doing. hooray!

I feel like I'm off to a good start, but the Aries in me isn't satisfied. I want it all NOW and in perfect order. I keep reminding myself it all about the baby steps. It's a process. blah blah blahdidy blah. Of course I'll share what I'm doing and what I find along the way with my Loyal Seven. If you have any tricks up your sleeve, send me a note in the comments. It's fantastic getting comment love, just as long as it's not about some amazing work-from-home business that will make me thousands of dollars.

photo credit: anjan58 via flickr creative commons. I found it looking for "flow" pics and just fell in love with it. Isn't it lovely? Until it's warm enough to have my morning coffee with the horses again, I think it might be my new happy place.

Twilighted.

lunzy@lunzygras.com (Lisa Spector) — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 16:06:00 +0000

In the spirit of full disclosure I have to let you all know something. My world's been rocked. Changed forevermore.

I mentioned The Funk of '09. Christmas break we were hit by a storm. Not the tiny, baby versions of storms we've now become accustomed to here in the Kinda Country. It was a REAL storm. With LOTS of snow. Like make sure you had milk, eggs and bread weather. And BigDaddy was MIA at a coaches' convention. of course, right? So what's a mom to do? You can only play in the snow for so long, especially since were were on the merry-go-round of winter colds. we played, drank cocoa, visited with neighbors, watched movies and DVR'd TV and played wii.

So there I was. exhausted from shoveling the driveway yet again. a bit bored. a bit stir crazy. and the only adult around. I picked up Twilight from the bookcase for some totally mindless entertainment. A Young Adult book series? really? But it was portable enough to drag with me all over the house. brain candy to fill time. easy reading. something fun. Plus we already had the entire series courtesy of Memaw. (BigDaddy wanted to see what the big deal was when he saw half his team reading a series of books at a feverish pace, in season, during college.) It took me a bit to get into it, but about 1/2 way through.... I was a goner. Done. I became a Twi-Mom and never looked back. I read the remaining 3 1/2 books in about 4 days. One 629 page novel in 24 hours. kid you not. I wanted more. more vampires. and more werewolves. And thankfully the freezer was stock full of nuggets and fruit for smoothies.

In typical lunzy fashion, I researched every.single.thing. I could find on the author Stephenie Meyer, the back story, the on-line forums-- anything my best friend Google could whip up. I found SM's website, the official Forks, WA website, the main Twilight big dog forum--Twilight Lexicon, and the La Push/Quileute Reservation homepage and Saturday Night Live clips on hulu. I also realized I wasn't alone. This series had a profound effect on a lot of women. Women and other moms my age or older. Twi-moms. It amazed me. And then I found a post about someone looking at this effect from a clinical view. dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin--chemicals in our bodies reacting to the book. The theory was that the books evoke so many real feelings, much like first love/falling in love. it feels good. you want more. and more. You get addicted to the "high." Suddenly you're 17 and falling in love for the first time. Even if you are in your 30s.

Did the book change my life? No. yes. well, kinda. I snapped out of The Funk. it shook my life up and things got moving. Crazy, spontaneous things that were just absurd. but I rolled with it. embraced the crazy. and guess what? Twenty-Ten is off to an amazing start!

Shortly after I finished the books, BigDaddy and I went to lunch and I joked that since I'm now this crazy "Twi-Mom" we should head out to Port Angeles, WA (a movie theater location from the books) to catch the premier of Eclipse (book 3) this June. And then he reminded me why we married. "I'd go for that!" and I knew he really would. Love me some BigDaddy.

We dismissed it as funny and bad timing for our schedule this summer and called it a day. And then later that day, my high school BFF called me out of the blue. Yeah, the one who lives in Washington State. Like 3ish hours from Port Angeles. The wheels started and never stopped. You really can't give Nikki an idea like that and expect her NOT to run with it. A whole 5 minutes later I had an entire itinerary pop up in my email inbox. By the next day we had already planned, and confirmed, a child-free "side trip" to Seattle area/Port Angles/Forks/La Push for a Twilight tour this summer, after our annual California trip. I had no idea how it all happened. But somehow, this harebrained idea became a reality. I was riding on another Twilight-induced high.

And shortly after that, BigDaddy and I went on a real D-A-T-E. dinner (with alcohol!) AND a movie, New Moon of course. But I can't tell you that last time we went on a date. Being broke + small children - free babysitters, er, um....close family = lack of parental dating. We had a blast and it was much needed after The Funk.

So back to my beloved Twilight. I can't say it was life changing, and trust me, some people make that claim. But it gave me a slice of life back. opened up the door to a fabulous summer and kicked started my new year with a big ol' W00t! For that I am thankful that I found the path to a world of vampires and werewolves.

p.s. I'm Team Edward. Duh.

Out with the old.

lunzy@lunzygras.com (Lisa Spector) — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 20:20:00 +0000

...stumble.... stumble....*yawn*

I'm sloooowly coming out of hibernation. I've been getting the writing itch again- I even tweeted a few times! My heirloom seed catalog is sitting on my nightstand with post-its on what I want to try this summer. I saw a few Robins hopping around the yard this weekend. It feels like Spring is just on the horizon. It's time to shake off the snow, peel off the multiple layers of clothes, and stop drinking so much cocoa. Okay, maybe we can keep going with the cocoa. I feel like I'm getting over the holiday/sickness hangover.

In a nutshell, my crappy old year is finally over and I'm optimistic about my new year.

To say I was going through a funk for the last part of the year would be an understatement. The ground never seemed stable for me. It was literally one thing after another and I was overwhelmed, anxious and couldn't face my ever-growing to-do list. The end of the year seemed to just take for.ever.

I don't do the whole "woo hooo, it's a new year!" deal. I actually forgot it was New Year's Eve. With two munchkins out of school and an out of town BigDaddy, it was easy to do. seriously. I realize so many people were worse off than us. I do. But for me, for my life at that moment, I just needed to get it done with already. Get to the other side. I cut back. simplified. tried to just take it day-to-day. then I crawled into a hole and just gritted my teeth for the craptastic ride that was Q4 2009. And then I did my chanting... Things happen for a reason.... Things happen for a reason. (um, I'm kind of over this....) oh yeah.... Things happen for a reason.

Guess what? It worked! And now the sun is making multiple appearances. And I see buds starting to form. And I can breathe again. More than that. I'm beginning to feel like an up and coming rock star!

So consider yourselves warned my Loyal Seven! I'm back to celebrate Lunzygras again- maybe with just a few less beads, but back nonetheless. Bring it Twenty Ten!

Time to hibernate

lunzy@lunzygras.com (Lisa Spector) — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 13:30:00 +0000

First Baby Steps, then I went into Nesting Mode. And now? I'm ready to Hibernate. I want to bake and plan Thanksgiving & Black Friday, drink hot cocoa and dream about stocking stuffers. I'm ready for winter. It's the tail end of BigDaddy's season and I'm gearing up for the final sigh in a few weeks or so. Then we totally crawl into fetal position, get sick and stay inside under blankets.

But I've also lost my writing MoJo. Seasonal food isn't so fun to talk about now, I'm not fired up about my Victory Garden (it's looking very sad and I need to winterize ASAP) and I canned a whole three jars worth of tomatoes. I still feel like I need to figure out my way in the day. And my on-line time is pretty limited when I'm falling asleep with BigBoy at 8:00, exhausted from being a volleyball widow/sick kid caregiver/ school volunteer. Seems like insomnia = lots of writing time. go figure.

I need to simplify. Scale back. Focus on the family and get back to basics. One thing I can cut back on is this little slice of blogosphere. Not that I'm writing much anyway- other than a handful of half-written posts that I've yet to publish. I'm left with yet another thing dangling on my To-Do list and then feeling behind that I haven't posted. So it's time to hibernate for the winter. Close up shop for the season and hang up my blogger hat.

Come Springtime, I promise to have lots of MoJo from the cocoa.

Nesting mode

lunzy@lunzygras.com (Lisa Spector) — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 12:27:00 +0000

Baby it's cold outside!

I'm in full blown, nesting, must-make-batches-of-food-mode. I'm like a squirrel, hording away my nuts (or blueberry muffins) for winter. I stock pile. slow cook. batch cook. and I bake. and then I bake some more. This is my time when I can crank up the Barbie Oven and not have to worry about getting the house too hot.

I blame this flurry of activity on my neighbor. She gave me a bin full of hand-me-downs for Sassy. (Her daughter, "Ducky," is the same age as BigBoy.) It was like Christmas for this mama. Most of the winter shirts fit her perfectly or just a tad too big. Hooray! So of course getting this bin of clothes led me to organizing her entire closet and dresser and purging all things that didn't fit. Which then led to going through BigBoy's stuff and packing up all everything that no longer fits into said bin to pass along to her munchkin, MiddleMan-- Sassy's BFF. My life was sorting and packing for a good part of the weekend. But now both kids are set for the cold weather with their clothes, except for BB, who has managed to grow AGAIN since the start of school. What in the world are they feeding him for snack? Next project? Food.

I've been trying to batch cook a little more efficiently. I'm not one of those people who can do a "cooking day" and get a million things cooked and have a freezer with ready made meals. The munchkins interrupt me no less than 200 times while I'm in the kitchen. Or they want to "help". My solution thus far is to batch cook in batches. I'm brilliant huh? I am grouping like items from various recipes and cooking them, then putting them in the fridge or freezer then moving on to something else. This week it's been grains, beans and ground turkey. I have 3-4 recipes in mind and I'm bulking up the recipes to freeze. I'm making Mexican Lasagna, meatloaf muffins, chili and burritos. Why not just cook up all the ground turkey in one swoop and be done with it? I doubled most of the recipes, and will plan from there. I did 5 cups of uncooked rice while working on the turkey, giving me about 10 cups done. This is for the lasagna and burritos. Then I put the chili in the slow cooker for dinner- double batch again and made pinto beans in bulk-- these I will use in the same two Mexican recipes. I already have mass diced onions from forever ago-- we bought onions on sale or something and just diced and sliced them all. Threw them in the freezer. Easy peasy.

Last weekend we ate pancakes for breakfast. Again, I doubled the batch and made tons of pancakes to freeze and use during the week when I don't have time to make them. I'm also planning on roasting a chicken every weekend now. Round 1, we eat it for Sunday dinner. Round 2, we use the meat all week for quick lunches or I can make a full recipe with it. Round 3, throw the bones and bits of meat in a pot for awesome chicken stock or soup. Tip: even if you just buy a rotisserie chicken at the store, you can do the same thing. You can also freeze chicken stock in ice cube trays for adding to recipes as needed.

We also just did a major Costco run. As soon as we got home I split up the fish fillets into meal size bags and added marinade if needed. Into the freezer they all went. Now when I defrost the salmon, it already has the ginger sesame dressing in the bag. Just defrost. How easy is that? I do the same for meats. Cut them into meal portions, bag 'em.

By no means am I a super meal planner, but I'm trying to get better. There are a TON of blogs/websites of women who ARE meal planning/batch cooking rock stars. It ain't me. But you can get lots of great ideas just from reading what they do. I've also been adding less meat to recipes and doubling up everywhere else, like in chili. With Christmas coming up (10 weeks, people, 10 weeks!!!) I really want to see how much I can save on our monthly bills (mainly groceries) and see if I can stock pile money in addition to pancakes.

While it's not the "cook one day and eat for a month" or OAMC that some ~~crazy~~ industrious moms do, but it WILL help me get ahead of my meals, I will have stuff ready to go and don't have to envy the squirrels.

Recipes mentioned:

Mexican Lasagna from PW

I haven't made this yet, but it looks super yummy and easy. I am doing my own thing (my own Mexican rice recipe) but using this as a guide.

Meatloaf Muffins

This was my first time making these. I used Italian breadcrumbs instead of saltines. I also cut out the onions since they kids don't like to see onions in their food and these were mainly for them. This recipe was good, but not knock your socks off. But for the munchkins, it will totally work for easy dinners when BigDaddy is MIA. I'm thinking I can toss a few into BB's lunch too. Recipe made double what it claimed. Maybe my "muffins" weren't big enough, but I filled them 1/2 - 3/4 the way full-- plenty big kids. This is a keeper! I also had to cook for about 10 minutes longer due to the Barbie Oven.

Ground Turkey Chili from Roni's Green Lite Bites

This is my go-to recipe for chili. I always use this one, execpt we never have bell peppers on hand, so I skip. We always have canned mushrooms, so I throw those in. I also skip cumin cuz I hate it. really, really, really can't stand cumin. This time I also kept the meat the same but doubled everything else and added a cup of quinoa. I need to tweak a bit more, but it was great as it.

Next up: Breakfast Egg & Bacon Muffins, Apple Pancakes, Dinner Biscuits.

photo credit: Tjflex2.

The truth hurts

lunzy@lunzygras.com (Lisa Spector) — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 13:10:00 +0000

Last night I was getting ready for a preschool meeting. Feeling really bloated from the brownie-a-thon that was happening in my ~~tummy~~ kitchen all weekend long. Plus my working out hasn't been exactly, ahem, working out. I'm not motivated to go, not motivated to get ready, but it was time. So...what to wear, what to wear. Thankfully it's gotten Fallish the past few days and it's cold enough to wear a sweater. hoooray! I select my not-so-favorite jeans, but they work and are pretty comfy. Other than feeling like a shlumpadinka, I think I pass the Mommy Meeting test. I selected my outfit. Jeans, check. Kinda cute sweater, check. Tennis shoes, check.

Sassy: Uh mom. You too big for dat.

Mama: What?!? Where? Show Mommy! Why?? (I do a visual and NO visible muffin top, really!)
Sassy: Mooooom, you just too big.

Mama: really? sigh

Granted we've been purging clothes because the kids are "too big" now, but seriously? This is the reaction I get from my THREE YEAR OLD? And then I put on a snug t-shirt to go on under my sweater, pinky promise I wasn't going out in public like this!

Sassy: Moooom! YOU. TOO. BIG! See? pointing for added emphasis.

Mama: Where?! Show Mama, where?? Tell me why! Really.

Sassy: Moooom. You just are.

Mama: Why? Show me.

Sassy: Never mind.

Thanks for keepin it real sweetie. Thanks a million. I guess it's time to dust off Mr. Snarky.

Photo credit: Malingering

Baby steps

lunzy@lunzygras.com (Lisa Spector) — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 17:35:00 +0000

This is my third attempt at posting in the past week or so. Is it really this hard to function these days? My to-do list doesn't even exist because I haven't been able to sit down and focus, yet every time I turn around I realize something else that must get done ASAP. Another fire to put out or another thing that demands my attention above all else. I've got multiple phone calls to make, but as soon as I get on the phone Sassy starts yelling and screaming for my attention. And have I mentioned she's going through a hitting and pinching phase? Good times.

Managing this house, and all who dwell here, really shouldn't be this tough, right? I am trying to figure out a budget, get organized for Winter and have food on the dinner table on a daily basis. We have a lot going on, but not nearly like some of our friends. We're fortunate that the economy isn't really effecting us and we don't have any major issues with our family. So it seems ridiculous that I'm struggling again. I know there are people that would trade places with me in a second. I should soak it in, relax and be thankful for how good things are for us. When I am stressed that the house is a mess, and I'm flying solo again and I'm frantically trying to whip up dinner, I need breathe. And remember I get to be a SAHM. And not only does BigDaddy have a job, it's his dream job-- getting paid to coach college volleyball. And we are fortunate to have a great house. And at least I have lots of food choices already here in my kitchen. Things really aren't that bad. And they are a lot worse for some people who aren't as fortunate as us. I have a wonderful husband, awesome kids, and great friends. I'm a lucky girl!

So today I'm not having a pity party. I will not hide in the closet doing tequila shots. I will not stand in a hot shower pretending I don't hear Sassy's whiny cry from the living room. okay, maybe I did do that last part. But I'm focusing on good stuff. Not sweating the lame stuff. And being thankful for what I have. I realize that we're all just trying to figure this game of life out. We all have those moments, often times on a daily basis, but this is just a process. I'll never have it all down and it's okay. So baby steps it is. again.

I'm been busy with my mini-projects, in addition to winterizing the yard before it gets to freaking cold to be out there for more than 15 minutes. Unfortunately, these things take time getting started, but long term they make a world of difference. Here's what I've been investigating:

Budget tools with Pear Budget. If nothing else, check out the free 30 day trial and get a better grasp of your total expenses. It was an eye opener for me. We now have specific categories for everything.
Opened a free savings account at ING Direct and plan on opening more and using the "envelope system" with various accounts. (If you want to open your own, let me know and we will both score $$!)
Called our flexible utilities to see if we can reduce our bills (i.e. cell/home phone, cable, etc) Basically we can't unless we want to significantly decrease what we have. At this point we don't, but at least I know we are being cost effective for what we want.
Created yet another shutterfly share website, this one for BigBoy's class. I love these sites. Ridiculously easy to keep family and friends (or class parents) up-to-date.
Created a master calendar with everyone's schedules that's EASY and usable with google calendars. I love that I can view multiple calendars at one time, individually, and they are color coded. email reminders and I can import icals from other sites (like BigDaddy's team schedule.) Heaven! (I'm also trying to consolidate emails, but yahoo and google aren't friends, so it's not happening at this point.)
Using bookmarks with delicious.com,a social bookmarking site, to keep online stuff organized-- check out my bookmarks here. I mainly use this for recipes, but I also keep track of travel info since I can't always remember where I saw something specific and I only need to type my "tags" and Viola! It appears! love it! especially with the tool bar button download. easy peasy.
Coupons. I hate clipping coupons. I think I'm going to use them, then I don't. And then I feel guilty. but I recently found a gazillion coupon blogs and they make it much easier! I'm not going crazy with it, but I'm keeping an eye out for deals on things we use on a regular basis. Most coupons aren't for what we buy, but once in a while there are some great ones. I also found out you can stack manufacturer's coupons with Target coupons! hello! I'm all over that. I also have been keeping diaper coupons in my wallet since I always seem to forget them. Online coupons are great though and you can print what you want. Cheat by visiting deal blogs like: moneysavingmom.com and thefrugalfind.com or at website forums like gottadeal.com. (My FAVORITE Black Friday info site.)

Here's a very helpful post on one of my favorite blogs about using on-line tools to organize your homelife at simple mom. I love how she thinks, makes sense to me and she's tech savvy, so that's a huge plus in my book. And her website is beautiful-- clean, lots of white space and great fonts!

There you have it. Put one foot in front of the other...

Photo credit: stefano ricciardi

Halfy-Birthday!

lunzy@lunzygras.com (Lisa Spector) — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 12:45:00 +0000

Today is a big day in Casa de Crazies! BigBoy is officially 5 AND A HALF. He's been asking me for months now, when will he "turn" 5 1/2. BigBoy and Sassy are 2 1/2 years apart, almost exactly. So one has a birthday and the other turns their "1/2" in the same month. We've been looking at the calendar, counting down the weeks and days. Today he gets the edge over the mere 5 year olds. He's 5 and a half.

I'm not sure why this half year became so important. But now he has kids to compare notes with. There are kids just turning 5 in his class (our cutoff is Sept. 30) and kids who started at 5 1/2 and even some 6 year olds who started Kinder a little later. But instead of trying to figure out when he will be 5 1/2 ("I'm almost 5 and a 1/2!!") He can proudly state he IS 5 1/2. It's a partial birthday celebration, so in my book it means cake! I made a cheapy mix really quick last night and just did one round layer, cut in half and stacked. Half a cake, of course! Any time I can throw baked goods into the day I'm a happy girl.

So what else does one do for their half birthday? I'm not really sure. We've never celebrated one. We have the half cake for dessert tonight (half birthday does NOT = breakfast cake in bed) and I got him a pack of Pokemon cards- the new obsession with his buddies, though they have no clue how they work. But other than that it's a kiss and a "Halfy Birthday!"

Anyone else ever celebrate half birthdays or do so for their kiddos? I did a Google search, because you know, if Google points you in the right direction, it MUST be legit. Google says so. I saw the 1/2 cake idea. Well duh, even I came up with that. Wikipedia has an entry for Half-Birthday, but you already knew it would. But one family does a date night with 1/2 bday child which I think is cute-- but I think one-on-one dates are important year round. In general, I think it's a fun little thing to do, half birthdays are such a milestone for young kids.

I love coming up with new traditions for our young family. Plus it's pretty funny sing Halfy Birthday to you... We started our day with a round of giggles. And that's always a good thing. I'm on the hunt for more ways to to add fun to our days. I'd love to hear what other families do. The comments section isn't scary, I promise. Be brave and leave something...

*Attention Miss Nikki-- please share, you have so many fun traditions!

my confession.

lunzy@lunzygras.com (Lisa Spector) — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 21:35:00 +0000

I have a confession to make. I shouldn't be driving my vehicle of choice. I'm a big fat faker. I shouldn't be allowed to drive around town in my Honda Odyssey since I'm technically not a soccer mom. Last year,I was totally legit. We did a Saturdays only soccer session at the Y and loved it. But this year I'm the un-soccer mom. It wasn't happening. I thought about it for about two seconds and realized it just sounded absurd to add it to our Fall mix and I thanked my lucky stars this Saturday that I didn't sign up. I had a relapse of my can't-get-rid-of-this-stupid-sickness. And Yeah! I didn't have to schlep my way to soccer for kinders. We stayed in jammies all day and watched movies, played wii and built train cities.

I'm pretty happy letting BigBoy run down the backyard stretch and playing with our neighbors at will instead of structured, organized play. We are lucky to live in a area where we can do that. We also have a lot of friends with kids the same age and can have last minute play time after school-- since they aren't at soccer or dance either (okay, one is, but it's only one day a week.) By the end of the week we NEED to veg out together on the weekends. Spend family time together. Be totally lazy and not have a jam packed day. Or go on a day trip. I couldn't even imagine having 1-2 practices during the week (when he doesn't even get home until 3:45) and then games every Saturday. I'm overwhelmed as it is! Let alone lugging Sassy to everything and personally having to BE at all the practices and games since BigDaddy is MIA in the Fall. No thanks. I think I'll pass.

So will this scar him forever? He hasn't asked about it once yet. So I doubt it. Will he be behind developmentally in the sports category? Not likely. He's 5 1/2. He has so much time to figure out what he wants to do. And he's surrounded by coaches and plays in a gym for a good part of his life. When he starts pushing for it, I might cave. But until then I'll be the un-soccer mom in the soccer mom mobile. Kicken back in my jammies on Saturday morning. Being totally lazy and hanging with my family. You won't rat me out, right?

A better plan.

lunzy@lunzygras.com (Lisa Spector) — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 17:53:00 +0000

I admit it. I was all fired up and yet, I haven't done much since my last post. I got sick. My body gave up and forced me to slow down. forced me to get some much needed rest. forced me to sit on the couch and play on Facebook.

But this proves to me that I am taking excellent care of the family. I'm the only one sick so that must mean that everyone else is sleeping well because when they get up they get mommy and go right back to sleep, eating well since I did manage to do a meal plan but haven't really eaten much of it because I forget to eat or am sick, and feel totally at ease and comfortable in their work/school place because we all know who is putting out all the "fires" and coordinating all the parental homework.

I was feeling all woe-is-me, but then BigBoy jumped off the school bus and announced that his friend (and our down the street neighbor) had told him to meet outside to play. Okay, now what. I can't lounge around on the couch. I can't be all sicky. But I CAN sit on the back porch and just hang out. So it was decided: our yard, stay out of the messy, germ infested house, and be nice to Sassy.

It worked! The kids all, pretty much, got along and were swinging and running around. And then magic happened. They found the Crown Jewel of all playthings.... a cardboard box. I love how kids turn a box into a million different things... this box was a cat cage (???), a tunnel, and finally a roller coaster when combined with the slide--and of course with a set of cool space goggles. How could my pity party go on when I have kids totally excited about a cardboard box, space roller coaster? I mean, really.

The impromptu play time made a world of difference for all of us. BigBoy played with his older friend he doesn't get to see during school time (only on the bus), Sassy got some social time in, and Mom ended her pity party and got up off her sick booty. Since they were outside, I didn't feel so guilty letting the munchkins watch a show while I got dinner going and they both had great appetites for dinner. The laundry stayed in the pile it was in. The bath toys were still a mess in the tub. Dinner was not started early. Not the game plan, but a better plan.

Kindergarten rocks my world.

lunzy@lunzygras.com (Lisa Spector) — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 15:29:00 +0000

Just when I just kinda, sorta felt like I had this whole Happy Homemaker gig down, I got a huge wake up call. again. This time around it was called Kindergarten.

Who would have thought that sending my kid off to school everyday, ALL day, would rock my world in a not-so-great-way. I mean really. He's gone ALL day. How is my life more challenging? one less kid. LESS = EASIER, right?!? But somehow it's not. I feel more disorganized than ever before. And throw in fundraisers, volunteering, pre-school drop offs and pick ups, and board meetings -- all while being a volleyball widow. It ain't pretty folks.

BigDaddy was gone all morning with a visiting friend on Saturday, so it was just the munchkins and me. I let them sleep in to whatever time, pick out breakfast, and eat in front of the TV in jammies while I worked on cleaning up. Don't judge, you TV-free friends. Around 9:30 I was a Domestic Rock Star! I had the kitchen super-cleaned (special projects included), floor mopped, house picked up -- day totally started off well. A HA! This was my pre-K routine. And it worked. But it's not my reality anymore.

Now I have to do the get-ready-for-school-shuffle every morning... wake up, breakfast in the kitchen TYVM, dressed, cleaned up, notes, lunch, hoodie, coffee and wait outside for the bus. Bye BigBoy! Then I exhale and look at Sass and try to get motivated. Most of the time, it doesn't happen in a timely fashion. I can't even tell you what the heck I DO do. I look around and feel overwhelmed. And then I look around some more and get more overwhelmed. Then I call my friend and fellow KinderMom and we talk about how crazy it is that we don't have a grip on our lives with one less child. Then I eat a snack.

I haven't blogged, haven't done meal plans - so I'm scrambling trying to figure out dinner or running to the store last minute. I haven't even been watching bad daytime TV. Okay, I DID watch some The Doctors show, but that was only once! And have you seen the medical eye-candy on there...Hubba Hubba. I also was able to clean up the DVR for all the fall premiers. Priorities.

We've been working on the basement for the past week or so, trying to get everything all situated now that we have new gutters, steam cleaned the carpets and got rid of all the furniture that was ruined thanks to the Big Flood in our basement. So we HAVE gotten some bigger projects done. We really don't need our "basement school" set up since the kids are in regular ol' school and preschool. It's now becoming our family/bonus room/workout room thingy. We set up the wii and Mr. Snarky (aka wii fit) and a DVD player for my workout DVDs. I'm slowing getting all the toys, books, supplies organized. but I'm doing it. I'm moving forward.

So now what? Time to take control. Time to go into Domestic Rock Star mode full-time, or most of the time anyway. I'm in the process of figuring out a weekly routine thing, going back to doing meal plans and working out. I'm even doing a budget. I know, right? Of course, I will share with you Loyal 7. It won't be perfect, but I know you guys will understand.

no blog love

lunzy@lunzygras.com (Lisa Spector) — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 18:46:00 +0000

Dear Lunzygras:

I'm sorry I've been neglecting you so much lately. I promise it won't be for much longer. I've been thinking about you a lot and miss you bunches. We've been even busier than usual. Life is kicking my booty and I'm trying to figure out my personal pace once again. School schedules, meetings, sickness, visitors, MAJOR projects, etc. I've been keeping notes and will tell you aaaall about it soon. pinky swear!

Besitos,

Lunzy

Happy Birthday Sassy!

lunzy@lunzygras.com (Lisa Spector) — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 13:56:00 +0000

Tom Petty Cash. Yep. You ~~heard~~ read me. Tom Petty Cash. It's one of the strange quirky things that mothers remember about their babies' birth (or a moment on the adoption path.) We were in the hospital watching Wheel of Fortune in the room. Now Wheel comes on at 7 p.m. in Indy. Sassy was born at 7:14 PM (and weighed 8-14 and born on 9/14) So at some point in those 14 min. of Wheel Watchin' I solved the "before and after" puzzle before anyone else. Tom Petty Cash. And I think at that point I was the only one paying attention to the TV. I yelled out "TOM PETTY CASH!!" totally pumped that I got it before BigDaddy. maybe because he was focused on our DAUGHTER being born. At any rate. I beat him to the punch. And delivered a baby at the same time. Try and top that!

Happy Birthday Sassy Girl!

I miss her.

lunzy@lunzygras.com (Lisa Spector) — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 18:00:00 +0000

I'm ~~gutting out~~ cleaning our guest room in preparation for my mother. She's coming to visit over Sassy's birthday week and the guest room has no room for a guest. After the basement flooded and we moved Sassy out of her crib to her big girl bed the "guest room/office" become quite the storage room. Add the seasonal paring down of kids' clothes to the mix, which of course ended up in the guest room, and I have quite a task before me.

I also started a project a few months ago of getting picture frames and photos on the walls and out of boxes. I love pictures and I want to look AT them not through them. So diving into my said project meant dealing with a LOT of different types of projects.

Sassy went to a friend's house for the morning and I got to deal with the bulk of crapola that was on the floor. During her nap, I purged a bit and then sat down next to my stack of photo frames and some loose pictures. Time to switch gears. I was looking at one of my favorite pictures of me and my paternal grandparents. I must have been a little bit older than BigBoy in the photo, maybe 7ish? I'm sitting on my grandma's lap, between both of them, after a family dinner. We were looking at pictures (you could see them on the table) and we are all smiling. Looking happy. Happy to have each other. Happy to be there together. Happy.

And then I started to cry. no sob. I miss them. and really I miss her. I'm sad that she didn't get to be a part of my wedding, and that she never got to meet her great-grandchildren. And I'm sad I can't call her anymore. Or ask her about something only she would know the answer to. Or see if she has any more costume jewelry that Sassy could have to play with. Or find out why she pronounced her name, Eloise, two different ways. (E-loye-s and E-lo-ezz.) Or just to tell her how much I adore her.

As an adult I realize how much she loved being my grandma. She was fantastic. She doted on me. Adored me. Spoiled me. I ate it up. But above all, she enjoyed me. She lit up when she saw me or got a call from me. I made her day. and I knew it.

As I'm having my cry-fest, Sassy walks in after waking up from her nap and waves to me with a sleepy grin and says "Hi Mama!" Hi Baby. She crawls up on the couch next to me and snuggles in. I look at her cuddling next to me with that sleepy grin and her crazy bed head, I realize I have much of my gramma still with me. She taught me about unconditional love. And how it feels to be so wanted and enjoyed. I need to remember that when I'm tired. and/or overwhelmed. and/or cranky. And when one of the munchkins wants to play trains on the floor. again. I have to remind myself: Am I still lighting up when I see them? Am I paying attention to them? Do they know how much they make my day? Do they realize how much I adore them each and every day? Thanks Gramma. Thank you for teaching me how I should be doing this "parenting" thing. Even if I half-ass all the other stuff, it's okay, as long as I get this part right. Now if you will excuse me, I need to jump off the laptop and and hit the floor to be "mama train" and take "baby train" to the zoo.