A couple of months ago I wrote about how vicious other women can be towards women. I have seen a lot of crazy things in my life with regards to women bashing other women and (to me) it is getting a little ridiculous. Especially since women are making more money than ever now and are holding the jobs that most men used to hold. How can we change how women act towards others in the corporate world?

I am a quiet girl by nature. If I don’t know you, I am not the type to come up to you and start a conversation. Call it shy or bashful or whatever you want but if I do know you, I am not one to mince words. Because of how I am most think I am a bitch. Which is not the case I am hard on people because I think the truth is better than me sugar coating something to make you feel better when you are screwing up or when you are doing something you know will end badly I am not one to NOT to say something to you. I figure it is saving me time so I don’t have to hear about in a few months when that problem you are having blows up in your face. But as my friends will attest to I am the first person most call when they need something and I am always there for them and for others I rarely know.

So because of people having the wrong impression of me I am called a bitch more often than not. And It gets annoying just because I speak the truth or don’t come up to you to start a conversation when I don’t know you shouldn’t mean I am a bitch. So the saga continues because most girls like me get called names because we aren’t a bubbly personality. I am a strong personality love me or hate me but if you want the truth then come to me. I have always been very upfront and in your face I can’t change that about myself. I do tone it down for the people who don’t know me well but for those that do they know what you see is what you get I am not fake and can’t bullshit very well.

I would rather be called a bitch for speaking the truth than to be called a liar. So I guess its all good in my eyes. Not everyone will like each other and that is fine but to pass judgement on someone you do not know is immature and shows your personality and not in a good way. I rarely pass judgement on others because I know people looking at me do not see my struggle of a life and I will not see theirs just by looking at them. So if you can next time you see someone who looks like a bitch (in your eyes) be kind because you don’t know their battle they are fighting within and they don’t need anymore drama in theirs lives and why would you want to cause drama in someone’s life when you can’t control your own drama in your life?

There seems to be a consensus that if your single, lonely, and don’t have a man it’s because you probably took advice from your single, lonely, girlfriends. I’ve been hearing it a lot lately. There was probably a time in my life when I would have agreed with that sentiment. But the more I thought about it (in a Devil’s Advocate kind of way) the more I thought that we might all be missing out on some valuable information.

When we learn to do anything, we first learn how NOT to do it. There is a popular story about Thomas Edison which states that while he had the basic idea for the light bulb (the incandescent kind); he still needed to figure out the right filament, bulb, base, etc. In his first hundred attempts (or sometimes the story is told with 1,000 attempts) the bulb either didn’t work or it only worked for a little while. Edison was not discouraged (at least not enough to quit). The way he saw it, he had discovered a hundred ways NOT to make a light bulb and there was something to be learned from every experiment.

So maybe our single, lonely, girlfriends have discovered how not to attract a man, how not to fall in love, what not to do if you want to keep him, when not to stay, and when not to walk away. But don’t you want to know that too? Sure your married girlfriends (some of them) make love and relationships seem like a piece a cake. But who gets on a bike with no training wheels and just starts riding the first time? The majority will wobble, lean too far to the left or to the right, forget how to use the brakes, and completely wipeout a time a two before it’s all said and done.

I know you see the relationship comparison coming. In the same way your single girlfriends have been overly aggressive when meeting a guy or too afraid to approach him first. They have played the role of Susie Homemaker and that of the Independent Woman. Some have slept with him on the first night and others have enacted the 90-day rule. They may have found themselves being that woman who beats on his door in the middle of the night (sure that he has someone else in there) demanding he let her in who they never thought they would become. No matter which way they played it, something went wrong and they are still alone, but think of the lessons they have learned. If only to tell you what NOT to do, it might be worth listening to.

Instead of letting their relationship status be the deciding factor on whether or not they have valuable information to share consider instead are they the type of person who likes to keep up a lot of drama (even if they have to create it themselves)? Do they fall in and out of love every other week? Do they make good choices and decisions outside of relationships? Have you found their previous advice to be accurate or have they led you astray in the past? Are they more of a “frienemy” than a friend?

No matter who is giving the advice; start to think of it more in terms of suggestions and alternatives instead of a recipe from a cookbook that you follow word for word exactly as directed. Take it all in with a grain of salt. Apply what’s useful to you and your situation and discard the rest.

Superwoman has left the building
She took the cape off and let it be known that today the world would have to save itself
Headed for a much needed vacation and some “me” time
Tired from the battles and weary from the setbacks
She sat on the deck overlooking the beach
Sipped her wine and sighed
Looking out at the beauty that God had created
She decided that the vacation was over
The cape was donned yet again
Superwoman is back on duty to save the world and the beauty that lies in it

If I showed up at your door in a trench coat and fuschia stilettos would I get a trick or treat?

If I came in and opened my coat to show the pretty pink butterfly covering mount venus would I get a trick or treat?

If I slowly undressed you would I get a trick or treat?…If I ran my hands over your body caressing from the top of your head to the tip of your head would I get a trick or treat?… If I bend over to light the candle would I get a trick or treat?… If mount venus calls to the beast within would I get a trick or a treat?

The heat outside is nothing compared to the heat generated
inside of me when you touch my body.
All that runs through my mind is the thought of you tracing my body with ice to cool me.
Slowly you are drawing an outline in ice that is your wet maze of where to place your kisses.
I shiver not from cold, but from the sheer excitement your ice artwork is creating in me.
The design you create is fascinating. The paint you use is vibrant.
You apply it with expertise using your fingers and your lips.
My body is on fire…not from the rising temperature outside,
but from the fire you have started on the inside.
I love when you use my body as your canvas.

Experiences

These wonderful test and trial moments

These light and sound reactions that take us through time’s train reactions

The older one gets the more of these experiences the higher source knits

Combines, and weaves into our lives

Then they’re intertwined into our perceptions and forced out through our actions

These experiences

That are shared, repeated, tweaked, transmitted and received to each and everyone of us

Rather lust, love, death, cruelty, poverty, success

We must take them and learn from them the best and most optimistic way we can

Even the ones that is planned or spontaneous

Even the ones that excite or shame us

No matter how challenging these experiences get

We must and I mean must, Experience

We must learn as many lessons that each one teaches

To continue our purposes and value the goals one reaches

And trust the process that the Higher Power has calculated,

Designed, made possible trough time

Cause without the experiment

A Scientist can not see in action, what he or she knows

And what is the point of knowing mentally

And not feeling or seeing physically

Experiences, these experiences

They are a necessity, a must have like a favorite recipe

They are the best of me and the best of you

And they shape our character and make us all brand new

Into a stronger warrior or a weaker victim

A circum of our lives’ stances, God’s way of giving chances

Experiences are the key to God’s eternity

“All trust involves vulnerability and risk, and nothing would count as trust if there were no possibility of betrayal.” ~ Robert C. Solomon

It would take me all damn day to unpack the wealth of wisdom and revelation packed into this quote, so I’m going to start at the smallest, scariest piece: RISK.

What is risk? You could look it up on Dictionary.com but I can tell you from experience.  RISK is the sweat that comes when you realize that you have no control, that your fate is no longer in your hands and you can now only attempt to minimize the very perceived, yet very real feeling of imminent danger and damage to all that you hold dear.  Risk is what you take when you trust someone else with your money, your love, your life… Marriage is risk.  And inherent to the successful marriage, submission is the greatest risk of all.

See, the ideal is this:  when you chose to marry that special someone because you trusted them in spite of the risk that you knew would come.  The reality is:  you chose to be with that special someone because you liked how you were feeling rather than weighing how much you actually trusted that person. 

Most of you reading this dislike the person you are with right now because you don’t really know them and by default can’t trust as far as you can throw them. And yet you’ve agreed to or at minimum have signed up for (through marriage, child birth, living together, etc) a commitment that requires trusting the other person.

Before I talk about submission anymore, I need you to really reflect on that:  If you can’t trust him (her), why are you with them?

Before you take the risk, check your trust level because your ability to trust determines your ability to submit.

Introverted-false-extrovert that I am, I people-watch.  I am especially fond of contemplating those engaged in romantic relationships.  How do they function as a unit yet still remain seperate?  What keeps them together?  What makes them push apart? Why does one relationship last 65 years (my mom worked for this old couple who had been married 65 year before he died at age 91)–while another one barely lasts a few weeks (ahem: Kim Kardashian)?

It’s  really not unlike watching an animal habit-you sit still long enough and the subjects become comfortable forgetting that you are present.  It is very much like watching people slow dance. The movement I see is so beautifully painful, or painfully beautiful, depending on the perspective of the day.

The rituals that I find most odd–even more than the preening-getting-to-know-you-do-you-like-me dance–is the ritual of breaking a relationship.   It seems to be the most difficult of all acts to consummate.  How does one leave-gracefully yet completely when one must leave before “til death”?  Some of the customary promenades look like these:

The “You’re Body’s Here With Me, But Your Mind Is On The Other Side Of Town”:

The most common of the couples, these are most often found…not together.  Whenever they are together very little chemistry or emotional investment exists.  New people watchers will often naively mistake the happiness in the face of one as genuine affection for one another; a more seasoned onlooker will identify the affect as the effect of someone else.  The people in these relationships will have found someone else to make them happy, and like  some bird species, one or the other partner has given their “shine” away while replacing it with something less fabulous.  What’s more, the other partner knows but keeps believing the best, hoping, praying, wishing.

The “There’s Nothing Left To Say”:

This breed of couple often ends in violence of some sort: beginning with a seemingly harmless mistake or a superficial slight set off one of the pair before they both go down into the flames of passionate hatred.  The volatile duo can often be seen in parking lots and foyers of hotels and restaurants or out with very uncomfortable friends as they screaming at the top of their lungs and verbally assault each other.   They find solace in the howling, which covers the painfully obvious silence that comes from staying in a dead situation.   These couples also use the violence to create an atmosphere of sympathy from their friends, which is used to replenish courage enough to move on.

The “I’m Lonely Whenever You’re Around”: 

These kind sit around cafes and trendy restaurants NOT SAYING A WORD TO EACH OTHER.  Using technology, menus, waitstaff, even friends and strangers to occupy the abyss that neither other them cares to attempt to cross.  Lost in plain sight, these couples have past the point of anger and hate, strolling casually side by side into the cold arms of indifference.  Neither cares enough about the other to actually end it yet both savor the contempt he/she feels in the perceived weakness of the other not being able to walk away.  These often end up in relationships that last for years, even develop into marriages that look…decent, but feel odd to the outside world.

The similarity running through each group of couples?  The fear of discussing the inevitable breaking that must occur in order to move on… the fear of the dance coming to an end, of finding another partner who actually understands the rhythm.  Nary a word ever spoken, these demented duos battle it out, never actually “quitting” each other even though they left a long time ago.  Whether through silence or violent argument or falseness, each one foolishly strains to “make” the other person leave–instead of just sitting down and speaking the truth:  that it’s over.

My idea of paradise would be sweet honesty with only the other person’s interest at heart.  While I wait on that dream to ascend into the heavens, I continue to watch the dance of love and life and breaking, waiting to see the rarest dance of all:  The “Let’s Just Kiss and Say Goodbye.”  In this unique dance, the two parties meet in the middle, apologize for any pain caused, as for forgiveness, appreciate the time spent, respect the feelings of the other and go their separate ways.

Like I said, I’ll keep watching.

I’m standing on the precipice of change.
Looking forward I see infinite possibilities.
Looking behind I see unfulfillment.
Looking where my feet are planted I see contentment and the desire for something more.
I look around and I see the fear on the faces of others and that annoys me.
I am no longer able to listen to the negative diatribe of how impossible it is for them to be happy and follow their dreams.
Little do they know that as they are bemoaning a plight they have chosen to accept I am planning my next step to jump over the edge and free fall into my infinite possibilities.
I can’t stay planted any longer in one spot.
My roots have found room to stretch and explore.
I am saddened by their perceived lack of freedom, but I have broken the chains that bound me.
Free falling and happy.

Last Thursday I had a dream about my future husband. I literally know everything about how we will meet and details in our relationship. We have at least one mutual friend, which is how we met. Let’s get into it.

I was somewhere, at some event with a group of friends. Already this is odd because I’m rarely with more than one person, let alone a group. So, as I’m walking over to the table I see him. Either we have yet to meet or he is someone that is not currently in my life. So, this is like we are meeting for the first time. There was an instant connection, and I’m not talking about physically. It was like we fit together perfectly. He smiled at me and I gave him a grin back. It was amazing.

I know of our “first” date and how easy it was. How we talked about everything I’ve never talked about before with anyone on a first date. It was like I knew him. I dreamt of our courtship and the progression of our relationship through time. I saw us ring shopping and I saw us in married life. I totally skipped past the wedding, but that is okay. I’d much rather see how we are after, rather than dream about the significance of one day.

I know that we have a son because I saw myself in our home on the phone talking about him. I know what our bedroom looks like. I know of the daily life. I have no idea when in the future this is because it is like I look the same but I know that I am older, more mature.

I don’t see his face but I know his build, facial features, his personality. I know that he is tall…well, as he relates to me. I KNOW him, but I don’t. I hear his voice and our conversation. I know how we are together and how our love is. So anyway, that was the first dream.

So in this latest dream about my future husband I dreamt of the struggle of the relationship before marriage. The lonely nights and mistrust due to secrets. The internal fights and arguments with myself and my wondering what will be. I dreamt of the make up, of the love. Finally, I dreamt of the wedding.

It was like my reward for being faithful. For staying true to the message of love.

It was late summer at night and we were on some estate. There was a big tent connected to the building and sort of a sheer curtain that separated me from the guests and him.

I had on a white dress. And there was something significant about the purple crushed tulle sash around my waste because it was mentioned a lot. Somebody’s mother (wasn’t mine) was all excited about it. Each of my brides maids were wearing a version of it. Some had it fashioned as a cape..another like a bow in the back. Mine was tied to the side and sort of flowed and mingled with the rest of my dress.

My hair was up into a bun. Some kind of twist style that held as an anchor for my veil. I didn’t have a lot of makeup on because nothing irritates me more than crying the ugly cry with makeup running.

It’s funny because I’m still myself even in my dreams. As everyone was going down the aisle before me I was trying to help them with their dresses. When it was time for my maid of honor to go, I was fussing with her train and she kinda cussed me out a bit and we actually sat down on the steps leading into the tent being stubborn.

People were looking back, wondering what was going on. We sat there for a while and then looked at each other and laughed. We got up and the curtain parted for her as she walked in….and then she was gone. As the flower girl was walking down I got a rush of nervousness. I wondered if this was right and if he was right.

But then, like the cliches that I believe in, At Last started playing in the background, and I knew.

The curtain parted slowly as I walked down the stairs praying I didn’t fall. The videographer was there somewhere because I had seen him filming the others walking… but he disappeared. The audience was gone. It was just he and I. I guess I was walking too fast to get to him because lol they made me back up and start over.

Then I realized he was singing to me. It was At Last but it wasn’t. He had written something for me and he came to meet me where I stood. As we were walking together, I can only remember complete bliss. This was him, I was sure of it.

It meant the world that he knew that I was feeling a way about my father not being present to walk with me. For him to refuse all tradition and to come see about me symbolizes the type of bond we shared. I said nothing, I just smiled. I saw the happiness and love on my face and his smile drew me in.

I can’t remember the exact words that he was singing. What stuck out was “I will never leave you.” I can’t really explain the meaning of why I can only remember those words and why they had such an impact on me but ..they are there.

I still can’t see his face and the wedding was interrupted by my return to the present, but I know that it is real. I know that he is on his way.

He will be here.