What are some of the things you did in the beginning when you fell in love? Did you go to the park? Did you have a favorite restaurant? Was there a movie theater you frequented? Did you have a favorite place you went to and enjoyed yourselves such as watching the sunset?

Go back to the place where you fell in love and reminisce.

Do you have a romantic tip to share? Email us at luvandrelationships@gmail.com and we will consider posting it under the Romantic Tip of the Week.

A lot of people say their twenties were a time to make mistakes and to grow into your own. I completely agree with that statement. As I am getting older I am learning that there are somethings I refuse to deal with in a relationship. My last relationship was so dysfunctional and I refuse to live through that again. All of our issues were never talked out when we were sober. If we had an issue, as soon as we started to drink with our friends we lashed out at each other. Which is obviously not a good way to deal with our issues.

Knowing alcohol was a huge reason why my last relationship didn’t work; that is one deal breaker I won’t deal with. In the past, I mentioned maybe dating a best friend. He of all people knew how I felt about alcohol. I had just had a surgery and even before the surgery, I was not drinking and had no desire to drink. I had told him numerous times that I was not wanting to be around people that were drinking. Of course if he wanted to go out and have fun with his friends I didn’t mind, until it became a weekly occurrence. When it became a weekly thing I knew it wouldn’t end well. I had told him numerous times that I was not happy about it. Apparently he didn’t get the memo the millionth time I had told him, so the last week he went out and sent me a large amount of texts while he was drunk, I was done.

Call it damaged, call it cold, or call it what you want. I refuse to deal with another situation like before. Now in my mind and the people I had talked too I am not wrong since I had told him many times I was not interested in dealing with someone who drank on a regular basis. Again a couple of times a month is fine but once it becomes a weekly thing I will run for the hills. I am too old to deal with something like this. He was younger and he had told me that he wasn’t interested in drinking and he hadn’t been for a few months and then it changed. I understand everyone has stress and things going on in their lives and so if they have to go out and drink and try to forget the stress is fine, but once I see that it is becoming a pattern and then I see that that person can not handle stress and so they drink. Yeah I am not going to deal very well with that.

In the end I wish it wouldn’t of happened the way that it did. However, I refuse to let my beliefs and thinking on things slide and become an enabler. If you don’t know how to deal with the stresses in your life go to a therapist that is what they are there for. Or go to the gym and kick box or do something that helps you feel at ease! Because in the end alcohol will be a crutch and not a good crutch for you. So I guess in the end I am happy I stuck by what I said I wouldn’t deal with. And hopefully the next time I start a relationship with someone they believe the words that are coming out of my mouth!

Arise!

The alarm clock shouts with intensity. The time to get up and begin the day has come. The routine has become so automatic that many do not even realize what they are doing. Our bodies move in motion almost like a robotic programmed machine. We get up, we cleanse our bodies, we eat, and we are off for the day.

Most people have to do some kind of duty or chore such as work, school, get the kids ready for school, home cleaning and so on. Sometimes the days can make one feel emotionless while others give a content feeling. A feeling that makes one think, “I am blessed to be alive. I am blessed to have this job. I am blessed to have such a wonderful family.” Sad to say, some days are not always so content and many people do not always think of these positive affirmations to start the day off optimistically. All it takes is for something to go wrong, a bad feeling, and poof… A BAD DAY has begun. But how can one determine if a certain day will be a “bad day”?

It’s simple. Something irritating or disappointing usually happens at the beginning of the day which starts a chain reaction of more negative events to come. Then at the end of the day, you analyze the day as a whole, remember all of the negative events, and classify the day as “a bad day”. A common phrase for this is, “I must have woken up on the wrong side of the bed”. I mean, who hasn’t said this to themselves or heard this phrase before at least once in their lives.

To sum it all up in a more realistic manner, something bad happens for the start of a bad day. For instance, you wake up with a cold or you get news that you’re behind on bills. Anything that can cause a negative effect on ones demeanor can be the ammunition for the gun that shoots the bullets of negativity into your heart which causes your mind to start conjuring up more negative emotions. This can control a person’s whole day if they let it.

In order to stop the negative bullets from damaging your heart and mind one must take the ammunition out of the gun. In other words, the best thing for anyone to do is to find ways to stop more negative chain of events by triggering the negative emotions (TAKE THE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS OUT OF YOUR MIND!)  This will capture the bad day and transform it into a day that one can deal with on a more positive note. How can one do this? Here are a few tips that may help channel those bad emotions and transform a bad day into a blessed day:

1. Change your mind and things will be fine

The mind is where all things begin. What I mean by this is that, your mind controls everything. If we take a look at this statement in a more scientific way, then we can get a better understanding. Okay, let’s take a look at your anatomy. In order for any of your body parts to move, the brain has to send out a message through the nerves which tells any and every body part to move. So what starts up the engine of the brain? The answer is thoughts. Thoughts are messages. These messages are electrical waves that travel through our nervous system. The thing is that people do not notice the message aka thought of moving a certain body part because our bodies are on autopilot. Consciously, we are not aware but subconsciously our mind is still sending out these messages to the nervous system telling our respiratory system to work together to breath, our hearts to beat, and our bodies to move. But there is a way to notice our mind working in motion.

If we are tired and do not feel like getting up, then we can notice ourselves thinking. For example, a person may notice their self think “Ok, I need to get up now, I can not afford to call off work.” After this thought, they get up.

Knowing this information allows us to look at this on a scale relating to this topic. Since we know the importance of thoughts, now we can use thoughts to control our mood. Consistently tell yourself (think out loud or in your head) “everything will be alright, things will get better, things many not look good right now but I can handle this”, or anything that will change your mind more positively. In turn, this will eventually change your mood which is a step to change your bad day.

2. Find something or someone that makes you laugh

I’m sure you have heard that “laughter is the cure to everything”. This includes a bad mood. You may not be able to fake a laugh when your day is going bad or when you’re in a bad mood, but there are ways to find the laughing juice and drink it. Call someone up or invite over who makes you laugh. I have many friends and family members that make me laugh such as my boyfriend, one of my best friends Trent, and my daughter. If you do not have anyone, then rent or pop in a stand-off comedy, a funny movie, or do something silly to make yourself laugh. What ever makes you laugh, do it. Laughter is a positive energy that pushing out that negative energy and the goal is to release the negative energy and replace it with positive energy. The more one laughs; the closer they are to a better mood aka better day.

3. Find something to do that brings comfort

When I am in a bad mood, there are a few things I like to do to get out of it that relates to action. One thing I do is take a nice hot bath. I bring in the aromatherapy with my incense or a candle and my glass of wine. Sometimes I turn on Pandora and listen to neo-soul while other times I turn on my YouTube playlist with all positive songs. I also may use my meditation music playlist which consist of either positive frequencies or nature sounds. Other times I let the silence be my companion. I sit back, relax, and just chill. These are my comfort tools that provides me the “me time” well needed to get on a more positive note. I’m sure you have something similar or other things that can place you in a comfort zone. If not, create one or use this one, it sure helps me.

4. Go to that special place somewhere for peace and tranquility

If you do not have a comfort thing to do that can get you out of a bad mood then go to that special place where you find peace and tranquility. This place may be the bathroom, a spa, on the patio, in a mall, at a friend’s house, and so forth. Where ever that place is, go there and find peace. Peace is another cure for negativity.

5. Pray and meditate

No matter if a person is religious or not, prayer and meditation are good ways to get out of a negative mood. Many people use prayer only when a crucial situation takes place like when they are in danger, when they need something to happen, or to not happen but prayer can be used for many things crucial or minor.

• Pray that you let go of things that may seem unbearable
  • thoughts that are negative, or
  • Situations that you think you have no control over.
• Pray that you change your feelings into more positive feelings
  • Feelings that are negative are acceptable, just let them out and pray you move forward
  • Situations that are negative, be aware of them and pray that you let them go

(*meditation is a good way to release negative feelings)

People have more control then they think. We are given this control by controlling our own actions, our way of thinking, our reactions, and how we handle situations. Prayer is a good way to not only ask God, Allah, Nature, the Higher Self, or whatever you want to call what I call “The Most High” for help but to thank “The Most High” for the blessings that one already has. This takes away from scarcity which in turn takes away from focusing on problems. The result is transforming the bad day into a blessed day.

Meditation is another tool. In my opinion, prayer is a form of meditation. Both promote peace, give answers, and are telephones to call The Most High. The difference with meditation is that it focuses on receiving answers by going within verses focusing on receiving answers out of one self. To thoroughly explain, in religion we are taught by many preachers to pray to God outside of oneself. In meditation we pray to God from within. In spite of, if one agrees with this or not, both are good tools and work. A message to the skeptics: I have used both methods and have received phenomenal results.

In Conclusion:

Everyone has something that can cheer them up rather they are mentioned in these tips or not. I personally know these tips will work if a person has the mindset that they will work. One must use these methods with the thought that, it will work and things will change for the better and not automatically think, “This ain’t gone work”.

The moral of the story is the best way to transform a bad day into a blessed day is to view the day as a blessed day. Rather good or bad, be thankful that you are living in this day, at this moment. Start becoming an alchemist in your life and transform the bad days into blessed days, the bad situations into lessons learned, the bad interactions with people into an opportunity to put a smile on their faces, or a risk into an opportunity.

If I could simply tell you one thing to pick off this list it would be number 1. I would say number 5 as well but number 5 is a way to change number one. The goal is to change number 1 into a positive mind because the mind is where it all begins.

There are a hundred different ways, big and small, to get in some “Shine” time.  Opportunities to shine can come when you’re having lunch with friends, being recognized at school or work, taking time to pamper yourself such as getting your hair or nails done or getting a massage.  Other ways to “Shine” include:

Do What You Do Well – Everybody is good at something.  If for you that is cooking then cook, if your good at painting, then paint.  Doing something you excel at gives you confidence and makes you feel good from the inside out.

Celebrate Your Accomplishments – Celebrate everything…. Being Employee of the Month, passing a test, a new job, an anniversary, scoring the most points in a game with friends, checking everything of your To-Do list, losing 5 pounds, pulling off a successful dinner party, birth of a child, everything!

Spend Time With People Who Think You’re Amazing – It’s almost impossible not to “Shine” when you spend time with people who already think you’re a star!  When they praise or compliment you, never deny it or tell them they’re wrong.  Just smile graciously, say “thank you”, and watch your star shine a little bit brighter.

Let Others Shine Too – Recognize others by remembering to celebrate their special day, allow your S.O. or children to do things that make them feel special, and never leave an honest compliment unspoken.

Shine For Yourself – If no one else is noticing you, and then notice yourself.  Take yourself out to dinner and a movie, buy a new outfit, or send your self flowers.

Accept that you won’t “Shine” all the time.  Instead you will step into the spotlight, step out, and eventually step back in again.  That’s just how it goes.  When you are in the spotlight, make sure you acknowledge and thank all of those around you who help you to shine.

I think because I am NOT Caucasian (or Asian or any combination thereof) that my presence on the playground during the day with my 4 year old discombobulates the ladies of leisure and upsets the social order, which I think I have figured out look likes this:

1. Hippy moms of wealthy status who subscribe to that children-learning-while-at-play stuff
2. Grandmas enlisted by guilty moms who have chosen to work
3. Nannies of moms who a) work or b) just like having that extra pair of hands to do the dirty work (like nurturing your children)
4. Mannies-those rare guys who have found a woman willing to leave her children with a DUDE
5. Dads with visitation rights on Wednesdays and every other weekend

And then there’s me.

So at first, the ladies at the top of the food chain (the hippy moms and grannies) treated me like a nanny—shunning me completely, huddling up together on whatever end of the playground where I was not and ushering their precious poopy-pamper-wearing 3 year olds away from my child.  They acted that way until they realized my daughter wasn’t just calling me “mommy” due to her being slow (which, by the way, she is NOT). After that, they “allowed” their kids to play with her.

But I still did not receive any warmth whatsoever (not that I minded because I really don’t care for pretend or real housewives).  At first it bothered me a bit, because I came into the game determined to be more social, more open—and here I am in the middle of some white girl high school, mean girl saga.  After trying to be cordial and getting shut out, I went back to being myself-by myself.

I would never fit in with the mannies or nannies.  The Mannies are all sluts either hitting on the hippy moms who are clearly frustrated (cougar town here, okay—a lot of 38 to 42 year old women with small children).  Or they court the unfettered nannies.  It looks like what you’d see at the club if you went to the club in broad daylight—not so hot guys hitting on hot girls who are trying to decide if any of the guys are unscuzzy enough to consider sleeping with. Since I am not in either of these categories, they both also ignore me.

My favorite group is the Wednesday dads because they clear the park. The Grandmas never come on Wednesdays because the other Wednesday only dads take the kids to other parks so I don’t have to listen to that story about WWII for the umpteenth time.  And the Mannies never come on Wednesdays because all of the Wednesday only dads have the kids, so I don’t have to watch ugly ducks crash and burn while they stare into the booby abyss of the nannies.

But that’s not the only reason I like the dads.  NO, the dads are cool because they are low maintenance like me.  I can nod a hello or smile and go right back to my book.  I don’t have to helicopter parent my kid because there aren’t any high strung hippy moms scurrying about keeping their kids from playing “too rough” or “falling down.”  Dads let the kids go free—no shoes, runny noses, buck wild at the park.  They also share my great distaste for the Hippy moms (I mean, after all, most of them divorced women just like the hippy moms).  And the brief conversations that we do have are proud parent moments when our kids fall down, shake it off and keep playing or share a toy or climb the rock wall all alone.

In this new habitat, I figured out the best thing I could do was just be by myself which I have.  Unfortunately, that left me as kind of the wild card at the park—which turned out to work in my favor, since I had nothing to lose, socially speaking.

So this one particular day, I found myself in the midst of nearly 100 children and only about 10 adults.  The soccer leagues were playing on the field adjacent to the playground set, and the older kids (whose permissive parents just dropped them off for hours on end with no supervision) had come crashing in, practically knocking little kids out of the way left and right.

Now the hippy moms and grannies came in, swooped up their precious babies and jumped ship.  The nannies and mannies (who don’t really watch the kids anyway) just allowed people’s kids to get hurt.  There were no weekday dads there.  So, I had to make a very serious, but necessary decision:  Do I become the playground police or do I pack my kids up and leave?

Welllllllllllll.  I am an educator by trade, so it just seemed pretty wimpy to not do what I used to get paid to do (and damn well): restore order and teach kids how to act, think, and respond to life appropriately and intelligently.  So I went in.  Gently of course, but in I went.  I made the older kids stop abusing the little ones, I kept the little ones in the area where they should have been.  I banished any kid that did not follow my very clear, very simple directives.  I became the Dirty Harry version of a playground vigilante.  “Make my day.”

So now, when I go to the playground, I have a new attitude and I get new respect.  The hippy moms still don’t talk to me much, but they do bow out of respect for my parenting prowess (you should see some of their unruly kids—I get kids in line all day long around there).  The grannies love me.  The nannies and mannies ask for help when they need it and have stopped being so gross in front of the kids for fear I will smack the dogshit out of them.  And the Wednesday dads?  Well, the Wednesday dads are still my favorites.

Obama is now being accused of everything, from using the stance as a political move, to even being secretly gay himself (yep). Now, I will agree on one point, taking this stance (after much consideration, as he has stated) is a very wise move. But not in a political sense. No, President Obama’s stand is a wise move, in a much broader, deeper sense.

As people, humans, leaders, politicians, Christians, what have you; we have the tendency to take judgment upon ourselves. Now, everyone has their own set of beliefs, morals, values, and opinions, and we all have that right. But when we use that right to opinion, to exercise and pass judgment on others who are different from us, we’re stepping onto thin ice in the human sense. I have gay friends; I also personally believe that homosexuality is against what the Bible teaches; how can that be? Because my belief does not give me the right to judge what others do in their personal life. I state my belief and I leave it at that. I believe that what President Obama has done is think more in terms of his position as leader of the country, and less of his personal belief. What he has chosen to do is embrace the rights of others to make their own personal choice regarding their lifestyle. What consenting adults do with their lives should not be controlled or regulated by the public at large. A woman marrying another woman, or a man marrying another man, does not put me or my family in inherent danger. It doesn’t work in our household or in our family, but in your house, it’s on you.

All of President Obama’s opponents and ‘haters’ would love to see his stance on gay marriage bury his chances for re-election. They jumped on this like leeches, flinging innuendos in an attempt to discredit him in his supporters’ eyes. And interestingly enough, many of his supporters, while they don’t support gay marriage, still support the President, because they believe in his overall stand, achievements, and character.  And well it should be, we would all do well to take a deeper look at President Obama’s example, and show others a bit more tolerance and respect.

Well, if we really want to have a higher self-esteem, then we must stop surrounding ourselves with drama and concentrate on ourSELF!  If we spent less time involving ourselves with everybody else’s problems and situations then we could work on ourselves more and we would be so much happier!

Friends are nice. But you should be able to spot a DRAMA MAGNET in a conversation. If he or she talks more about others than anything else or asks questions about you that you think are too personal; then she is a  DEA or DRAMA ELICIT AUTHORITIAN…  SO STAY AWAY…

Drama at home can be minimized as well. Just keep things simple. Realize when things are getting too hectic and choose that time to pull away and take a deep breath. When things are getting to be too much don’t be ashamed to give yourself some me time…go and get out the candles. The soft music is not just for company of the male persuasion…it can be for you too! Pamper yourself! This time is fantastic for thinking when you are faced with tough decisions.

Myself, I like to listen to my 70’s music…I have a CD with just feel good songs, one with sad songs, and one with POWER songs…and NOTHING makes me feel better than putting on songs that jar my memory and send me back to how good they sounded in the day…LET’S GET IT ON, I’LL TAKE YOU THERE and I’D REALLY LIKE TO SEE YOU TONIGHT, are some of my favorites…they are some of my favorite ME songs…of course, you may like the 80’s or the 90’s…maybe it’s DISCO for you or CLASSICAL…whatever it takes to give you time and empower your senses, use them and often. If you don’t have any of the music you like, buy some. Put them up for a rainy day and you won’t regret it! My girlfriend love Billy Ocean, so I recently was in a store and saw a CD with all of his songs on it and bought it as a birthday gift for her. Her birthday was not for several months, and when she called and made me aware that she was going through a mini crisis with her boyfriend, so I saved the Billy Ocean with THERE’LL BE SAD SONGS TO YOUCRYon it and opted for another CD I had saved with up lifting songs on it. After listening to the songs and being depressed for two days, she said the songs gave her energy, she got up, cleaned her whole apartment, took a shower, put on some makeup and she and I went to dinner together complete with margarita and great food. She wasn’t healed of her blues, but she felt as though it cleared her head and made her feel much better.

So, what are we going to do on our Twitter page?

Just be on the look out for #luvquestion, #futuresoulmate and a whole lot more.

Follow us on Twitter
LIKE us on Facebook
Pin with us on Pinterest