The Madaxeman Blog

Small Scale Skip Hire

2012-05-26T14:59:00.001+01:00

Simpsons Skip Hire - for when you need a little man to come round on a scooter and take away something quite small indeed.

The ice cream brand you probably don't want to enjoy...

2012-02-18T11:26:00.000Z

That's just vong

2011-11-26T13:07:00.001Z

Found on a menu in a Thai/Italian restaurant in San Paolo

Salmon with leek in a bourbon source?

That really is just completely vong..

You Gotta Love Italian Politics!

2011-05-07T13:47:00.000+01:00

Where else could you find a paragraph in a newspaper as bizzarre as this one (from The Guardian, May 7, 2011) ?

"(Ms) Minetti, a former dancer who qualified as a dental hygienist, met the prime minister during his dental surgery to repair the injuries he suffered in December 2009 when he was hit in the face by a mentally unstable assailant. She subsequently became a candidate for his Freedom People party and holds a seat in the Lombardy regional assembly."

The only way you could make this sound any more strange would be, say, if Berlusconi had been "hit in the face by a tourist souvenir replica of the Cathedral in Milan thrown by a mentally unstable assailant "

Oh...

That is actually true as well....

Pigs, Bacon and Breakfast

2011-04-05T13:42:00.000+01:00

Why is Bacon so fundamentally associated with Breakfast? Its a tasty meat, always popular - but all around the world it's only seen at breakfast time.

Do pigs all around the world breathe a collective sigh of relief around 9am every morning once they realise they are safe for another day?

New Gun Brand

2011-02-27T18:16:00.000Z

Nice to pour ...

2010-11-11T12:29:00.000Z

I'm really not sure what Fany Milk is, but I know I won't like it in my tea.

A lucky escape...

2010-10-31T12:28:00.002Z

I was staying across the road...

How low is America's view of the French?

2010-10-22T04:43:00.001+01:00

This is a coffee cup from Tennessee. It has "warning, this is HOT!!!" on it.

Ignoring for a moment the implications of half-wittedness that such awarning makes about the general population of coffee drinkers in the region where it is on offer, lets consider for a moment the use of space, and how it has been prioritized.

Firstly, the warning is in English (fair enough one might say. It patronizes the intelligence of almost everyone locally),

Secondly it is in Spanish (again, reasonable given demographics in the Southern US. If you are to patronize the English speakers patronize the second biggest ethnic group too. After all, thats only fair - get them all!)

So, whats the third choice of language?

French!!!

Because the nearest French Speakers live in Canada ....? Like, if you lived in a place where outdoor pursuits are obligatory, where the air is fresh and clear and you live on a diet of seafood plucked from the ocean less than 20 minutes ago, and where you abhor all things American.....of course you'd drive 29 hours cross country to go on holiday in a state notable for its humid climate, lack of mountains and diet of excessively processed and deep fried food ?

I think not.

Because the staunchly Republican gun toting South wants to make sure that they are doing all they can to be creeping up the preferred holiday destination list for visitors from one of the gastronomic heartlands of Old Europe, and a "Don't burn yourself Francois!" note on a plastic cup will compensate for the lack of nouvelle cuisine, great wines, well preserved, sophisticated pencil-thin ulra-stylish middle aged women and collections of great art and 16th century architecture??

I suspect not.

Because for most anyone living in this part of the USA, France is the only foreign country they have ever fricking heard of, so they assume that the entire rest of the "furriners" out there in the world probably speak French as well...?

That gets my vote!

Viva Las Starbucks...

American Car Magazines

2010-10-13T04:41:00.000+01:00

Clearly anyone claiming to do a review in which a Ford Mustang is even remotely worthy of being discussed in the same breath as a 3-series Beemer is utterly incompetent, however this magazine demonstrates a masterfully spectacular ignorance (or maybe a knowing, subtle and ironic awareness) of Cockney Rhyming Slang in its cover caption ....

Compared to a 3-series, a 'Stang is indeed a "pony" car.

Mile High Baseball

2010-08-25T02:43:00.002+01:00

Mile High Stadium Denver Colorado

VuVuZuela's

2010-06-12T20:28:00.000+01:00

So, how does a traditional native instrument end up being made of moulded plastic?

Cops with Guns

2010-03-24T14:14:00.000Z

I know that police in America are usually tooled up, but yesterday I saw two "Park Police" who were both packing state-of-the-art looking pistols.

I guess sometimes those squirrels can be right little b***rds....

Good with Food

2010-02-25T16:24:00.000Z

You know you are in a classy restaurant when the wine list notes that a particular bottle is "good with food"

Is this for real....?

2009-12-01T23:41:00.000Z

I'm all for doing our bit to support those who fought for our country in various wars, however....

Lost Phone

2009-11-13T21:47:00.002Z

I'm really not sure I believed this one...

WD-40

2009-11-13T21:42:00.002Z

I suspect the one can of WD-40 I bought will last for my entire lifetime.

So what's with a "2 for 1" offer...?

Ikea and Free Trade Coffee

2009-11-13T21:17:00.003Z

This sign tells me that Starbucks buy more Free Trade Coffee than anyone else in the world.

Surely that must allow them to really screw those f---kers waaay down on price eh?

Ikea Product Names

2009-11-13T21:11:00.002Z

It must be difficult to make up ridiculous names for thousands of products and use them in multiple languages across the world without getting at least a few rude ones slipping in there sometimes.

Hands up who thinks this might be an example..

Healing stones

2009-11-08T10:38:00.001Z

If certain types of rocks, minerals and crystals genuinely do have life enhancing properties, how come the people working in the shops that sell them always look so pale, miserable and sickly?

Posted with LifeCast

Al Quaida cashflow issues

2009-10-19T17:17:00.002+01:00

Just thinking about my previous post, in today's highly competitive job-seekers economy maybe other people have also spotted this news?

Maybe as we speak ex-Lehman Brothers managers are busily composing emails to be sent to Osama Bin laden (via his LinkedIn account).

"Dear Mr Bin Laden

I recently read that your organisation was experiencing somewhat of a cashflow issue in recent months, and as a result I wish to make you aware of my experience and qualifications which may allow me to be of assistance, and to therefore enquire whether there is a possibility of taking up a permanent post within your organisation.

In my most recent post with Lehman Brothers I was responsible for generating vast sums of money almost quite literally out of thin air, with only a computer screen for assistance. This sort of experience and skillset I feel would undoubtedly be of value to Al Quaida given that many other ways of raising money which require more conventional business assets such as a substantial staff, manufacturing base or other infrastructure may prove difficult to attain and maintain in Afghanistan right now, what with the lack of power, water, buildings and people due to US air strikes, remote drones and repeated artillery and ground attacks by a variety of western army personnel.

Given access to the appropriate level of initial investment I am sure I could quickly establish Al Quaida as a leading force in the international money markets, and due to the differential trading schedules this project could be undertaken only during the open house of the UK and US stockmarkets, leaving you free to continue to use your webcam and email account to record and disseminate messages to your worldwide PR list of media outlets in the remaining 8-10 hours per day.

My experience with Lehman Brothers following the near collapse of a number of Western economies has also direct relevance to assuming a post with your organisation, as as an investment banker I have during the last 12 months gained substantial experience of being fiercely persecuted by the entire Western media and also many Governments, yet like yourself I too still have managed to avoid being subject to any legal process or period of incarceration.

I have attached a copy of my CV, which lists my previous employment, my hobbies (I have recently developed an interest in both mountain climbing and caving) and I have also attached a covering note which goes into more depth on my personal role in the near collapse of Western Society - a subject which I understand is of keen personal interest to you also.

I look forward for hearing from you in due course.

Your sincerely

Mr Banker"

Al Quaida short of cash?

2009-10-13T14:39:00.001+01:00

Al Quaida are running short of money according to CIA.

Maybe they should move to paying their suicide bombers salaries a month in arrears instead of a month in advance ..?

Listerine

2009-09-03T22:21:00.003+01:00

Listerine has on it's instructions the note

"do not swig from the bottle"

Now, if you've ever used a mouthwash, I'm guessing you swigged from the bottle. That's what you do. That's how it is used. By everyone.

Saying "do not swig from the bottle" is like Porsche selling cars with notices saying "do not drive fast or overtake in this product" It's like expecting an MP not to fiddle their expenses.

Why not just cut to the chase and have on the label "if this product doesn't work like we promised, well tough cheese as we had our fingers crossed behind our backs when we said it would make your breath smell better and your teeth last longer. Nah Nah Nah Naaaah stoopid!!!"

Posted with LifeCast

Electric Toothbrush Heads

2009-09-03T22:21:00.001+01:00

They cost about a million pounds each, yet you still have to click on the little coloured ring yourself. Surely they could have actually finished them before they left the factory?

Posted with LifeCast

Sewn Up Pockets On Mens Jackets

2009-08-09T09:53:00.002+01:00

When you buy a new jacket the pockets are usually sewn up. This is apparently because the jacket will hang better, and therefore look better if the pockets are sealed.

You could argue that pockets that arent open, and a jacket - with pockets - that looks better without them, are both examples of products being sold that are not fit for purpose.

Imagine if the jacket logic was applied to cars for example

" yes sir, this Ferrari does have brakes, but we disabled them as it looks a lot better for the Ferrari brand if you don't brake for corners."

Posted with LifeCast