Doggy Style

Tang. It Rhymes With Dang!

Mad Dog — Thu, 13 Jun 2013 15:56:54 +0000

Sad news for all the kids of the ’60s — astronaut and second man to step on the moon Buzz Aldrin says, “Tang sucks.” Well, duh! He came clean while taping Spike TV’s Guys Choice awards. While the actual content of the show is secret until it airs tonight — Oh, the suspense! The drama! The intrigue! — he’s also expected to announce that the moon actually is made of green cheese that’s a few million years past its freshness date, the man on the moon was actually born a woman, and he still tends to spell “Apollo” with two p’s and one l and has to look it up.

An Eye For An Eye, A Hair For A Wig

Mad Dog — Wed, 22 May 2013 15:49:58 +0000

After first telling a reporter she wanted to be executed, Jodi Arias — the name in the news everyone knows but no one can figure out why they know it or should care — has changed her mind and yesterday asked the jury for mercy, claiming she’ll do good deeds while in prison like designing T-shirts and donating her hair to make wigs for sick children. The jury is still deliberating her sentence but reportedly is considering letting her go free if she’ll also toss in her fingernails and exfoliated skin cells.

Mars Needs Haiku

Mad Dog — Thu, 02 May 2013 16:25:36 +0000

In an effort to help get people excited about the November launch of the Mars Atmosphere and Volatile Evolution spacecraft — that’s MAVEN to you —NASA is holding a Mars Needs Haiku contest. Three winning haikus will be included in a Limited Edition Special Deluxe DVD that will go up with the spacecraft and everyone who enters will have their name included. The deadline for submissions is July 1, with public voting to select the winners beginning on July 15. The winners will be announced August 8. Haikus must be original, in English, written especially for this mission, and of course be 17 syllables in three phrases of 5, 7 and 5. Like this:

Ah, to be on Mars
Poet Galactic Mad Dog
Who would have thunk it?

She’s Got A One Way Ticket To Ride, But She Don’t Care

Mad Dog — Mon, 22 Apr 2013 23:08:57 +0000

At a press conference today, a Dutch company named Mars One announced that they’re looking for people who want to fly to Mars in 2022, land seven months later in 2023, and stay there until they die because a one-way ticket is cheaper and, well, there’s no technology yet to get them back to Earth. “It’s likely that there will be a crematorium,” the CEO said. “It’s up to the people on Mars to decide what to do with their dead.” Anyone 18 or older can apply by submitting a video along with a check for $38. No word on whether you can apply to have someone else go on a one-way trip to Mars. You know, like a politician, say? Or your boss? How about that kid who held you down and put a worm on your head when you were seven? It sure would be worth $38 to send him to Mars.

Arsenic And Old Lace Pale Ale

Mad Dog — Tue, 09 Apr 2013 17:31:40 +0000

Researchers in Germany say they’ve found arsenic in hundreds of samples of beer, some at levels more than twice that allowed in drinking water. Experts aren’t surprised, as the diatomaceous earth often used to filter beer and wine so it’s nice and clear contains various metals. The filtering process can leave traces of the metals, including arsenic, in the beer, though at much lower levels than your spouse has been adding over the past year.