‍‍mAdjetey

I don't feel the need for speed

2013-11-20T09:49:00.000+00:00

It all starts here:

And I'll be frank. I can't be bothered about this movie at all. I was planning on tweeting these objections but I've got a quite few. Actually rounding it right back, my complaint boils down to 1 thing:

Why tie this movie to the Need for Speed franchise?

I keep watching the trailer and can't help thinking about Fast and ~~Foolishness~~ Furious and sometimes Transformers. Actually, speaking of Transformers, here's a Need for Speed movie I'd rather watch, done by Michael Bay:

Wouldn't you rather watch that? Now allow me to labour my points.

1. What is Need for Speed (NFS) about?
Any gamer will tell you it's about cars. Fast cars. Recognizable (and some more obscure brands) driving fast in reckless civilian endangerment on public roads. Maybe the recent titles done by Criterion have added a more chaotic feel with more speed emphasis, crashes and absolute automotive mayhem but that's the proven formula.

This movie isn't that. The cars and racing have taken a back seat to a classic Hollywood revenge story. Complete with a love interest and dependable and/or funny black best friend shoehorned in. If they called it Need for Revenge: Incidental Automotive Candy or Speeding to a Standard Hollywood Conclusion: We'll Crash Some Cars (movie naming isn't my strength), I wouldn't have batted an eye. But they called it Need for Speed. I'm struggling to see a solid connection between what I know the franchise to be about and this movie.

Consider this. There are over 20 main NFS games out of those, no more than 5 have a plot. That said, said plots aren't deeper than race this person and that person till you've raced them all and won in a variety of fast and good looking cars.

2. As a movie supposedly based on cars, it's weak
If I need to tell you my dear reader that I'm a car fan and a gamer, I'd also advise you to get a drink and take a nap because you must be tired. In any case, allow me to say that I'm a frothing-at-the-mouth-I-want-to-be-a-host-on-Top-Gear-and-Drive car fan. The type that will see an E92 BMW M3 drive past and will ogle it till I embed my Golf's bumper into the car in front of me. The type that will see a Lamborghini Gallardo come up behind me and pull over to allow his lordship to jet past (this actually happened). So I know my cars (mostly) and that's why it confuses me to no end to see the main character use a Ford Mustang to enter this massive race. Now, in that trailer I see in the same race a Bugatti Veyron SuperSport, McLaren P1, Koeningsegg, Lamborghini Sesto Elemento, and GTA Spano.

You watch the above links and see if this Mustang can compete. Granted, the movie producers and director can do and say what they want, it is their movie after all but please have some respect for car marques. I'm not saying that a 900 horsepower Mustang doesn't exist. Chris Kusi of Auto Jewelling LTD, Dzorwulu owns this Ford Mustang SVT Cobra:

Last time I checked, it's engine was pushing 850 horsepower. What I am saying is that, the movie race isn't a drag race in a straight line (and even then, some of those cars would be in a different time zone before other cars got started). It's a twisty, curvy and unpredictable affair and no one buys a Mustang because it can handle curves. Car fans know this and so do NFS players. Would I withdraw this complaint if they use the above mentioned BMW like NFS usually does? Nope. It's an American movie, so I may as well allow them to enjoy their all American star. I mean forget that the SSC Tuatara (I couldn't pronounce it either) and Hennessey Venom GT are also all American monsters within a shout of being the fastest production car in the world. Well I shouldn't expect them to care because of the...

3. Transformer Syndrome
I enjoyed the Tranformers movies. In reducing quantities from 1 to 3. It wasn't that hard. I simply switched my higher brain functions off while watching. It's not like it was necessary; leave it off when the big robots and explosions are around, turn it back on when they leave so you can grab a snack without eating a kitchen appliance by accident.


Brain: What are we supposed to learn from this? Me: Learn?

What soured my experience were the "gangsta" Chevrolets in the 2nd movie and the human characters throughout all 3 (with the exception of the soldiers). They soured my experience because I watched the Tranformers movies to see some transformers. Michael Bay chaos was an icing on that cake. Having the movie slow down to accomodate the humans ruined the whole set for me. What makes it more annoying is that I say that the movie slowed down to allow the humans in, when it appears more that the transformers were allowed into the movie at intermittent points. I forgave the soldiers because whenever they were around some bullets and explosions would be sure to follow (I did say higher brain functions weren't needed). The "main" character especially was a thorny rose stem sticking in a donut for me.

It seems to me, that the NFS movie is going to do the same thing. Intermittently allow high speed cars, racing and near misses to appear in this Hollywood realistic human story of revenge, love and friendship. I can't blame them. It will invariably make money, then there'll be a sequel or 2. *Yayy!* I can't wait.

Actually I can. Because I'm a gamer and as a gamer I am very willing to dive into the actual games this movie is based on. So as a result, I'm the main character in a racing story. Checkmate

Hands on Killzone: Mercenary

2013-09-22T16:48:00.000+00:00

I'll bet you're already done wondering if Killzone Mercenary is worth your time. Presumably you've read about it (or seen videos) from more reputable sites before stumbling onto this obscure, infrequent blog run by a harried Ghanaian who can't keep a car running for longer than a week and uses his phones as though they have the strength of construction materials with full computer processing capability.

Incidentally this is also my gaming PC

You've probably heard about how the game technically proficient but doesn't break any new ground. That doesn't matter to me, you're here to read what I have to say & I say Killzone Mercenary is more than worth your time if you enjoy shooters, no matter your preferred platform.

Bring me into your life

"Herrrhhhhh! :D," That was my reaction when I finally got into the game (for my international readers, that's a common reaction Ghanaians have when presented with something extraordinary; for example: a free brand new engine for your car that's been dead for months). That was in the multiplayer only beta copy. Then I laid my digital hands on the full release. Having played it, I can say that Killzone Mercenary stands shoulder to shoulder with the full console shooters. That's no exaggeration. It feels like Modern Warfare 2: Space Nazis Mercenary Edition. While playing it, it felt like the developers wanted to give the full console experience that has been advertised but lacking on the PS Vita. Let's be honest though, it's not breaking new ground. If it was on the PS3, it'd almost certainly fade into the background amongst its peers. That's said, with Assassins Creed Liberation going from PS Vita to full consoles. And it's perfectly alright (for now). Why? Because finally, the bar for mobile shooters has been raised. Here's a list:
- N.O.V.A. 3 showed graphics on phones/tablets could go the full length, but touch screen shooting controls were simply lacking. We'll gloss over products like the Fling, myriad of smartphone gamepads & the infinite amount of mixing and matching between devices, games & configurations.
- The PSP had only 1 joystick, so developers had to compensate & ended up with mixed styles and results.
- The Nintendo DS' design also caused developers to experiment with mixed results.
- The Nvidia Shield could well negate the rest of my post but it's only fair to include it. Besides, it's essentially a portable Ouya, which Sony took a MASSIVE dump on with the PS Vita TV. (Then there's also the argument of the stronger library of games that Sony have & Android don't, etc)
- Finally, we are gamers. Innovation is all well and good and we welcome it, but sometimes the status quo works just fine.

This is where most Ghanaian FPS experiences start

So what does this mean? It means, if you invested (there really isn't a better word) in a PS Vita, enjoy shooting games, you finally have a full fat 100% experience you can take (almost) anywhere. Some of you may be asking about Call of Duty: Declassified and Resistance: Burning Skies. Well click the links and check their compiled scores from various reviews. I'll admit I only played the COD:D and I found it an affront to the series. It appeared to be made by a team that couldn't be bothered to give players what they got on full consoles (the implied promise of the PS Vita), only tick basic boxes in the excercise to create a shooting game for the platform. A mechanical exercise rather than a work of passion/genuine interest. In any case, enough about what Killzone: Mercenary is in comparison to others. Let's look at it on its own merits.

Graphics
Gallery link
If you're reading this, I'll assume your eyes are in working order (with or without aid). So look; do the graphics look appealing to you? It's a subjective question but I'll say this, I've been playing for over 20 hours in total and only hit lag about 4 (gameplay) hours ago. Lasted 3 seconds and that's the last I saw of it. That aside, let me ask, doesn't it look like it'd be more at home on the PS3? Nerd moment, it actually was born there. The game runs on a modified version of the PS3's Killzone 3 engine. To me, it works as well as it looks. Characters, environments, effects and occasional boxes and objects being affected by the physics engine show fidelity we haven't seen on a "traditional" handheld gaming device.

Gameplay
The meat of any game. If graphics made a game, no one would still play Tetris & Crysis 1 would've seized the games industry at the time as developers raced to better the graphics fidelity of their titles. How does Killzone: Mercenary stand up? Especially since I claim it can stand up to standard shooters of the day? Well, play 9 Modern Warfare 2's Spec Ops mode games but imagine if they lasted 30 minutes instead of the usual 5 (player pace not withstanding). Add to that 3 playable variants of each level that ask for different styles and results. The variations add an extra length to the game, as they force you to play to a different style each time:
- Precision
- Stealth
- Demolition
Each with a specified set of rules and objectives aside the main mission ones. They really do make you change your style each time and challenge you as a game should.
Let's delve deeper. The Modern Warfare comparison isn't for a lack of ideas on my part. The similarities AKA influences AKA ripoffs are all fully evident. Kills and other ingame actions count to your payroll in the game, like the money hungry mercenary you are. As they count up you can unlock guns, armour, kill streak reward copies and other equipment that make wiping out your fellow man easier. There's even a AC-130 super laser edition that I have too much fun using when I get the chance.

It didn't have quite the same impact but it was the only way to be sure

Oh! Remember the PS Vita has a touch screen? It's implemented in the game. Hacking intel and locks, arming bombs, even switching weapons and melees are all usable through touch. They are mostly well done. Whoever was in charge of them paid attention to the PS Vita's optimal touch zones. As a result, when you get used to it, it almost feels like you're using actual buttons when playing but you don't (usually) have to stretch to get results. The rear touchpad is used for sprinting & zooming but with my big hands sometimes I'd initiate an action I didn't intend.

Note how most touch actions are close to where your fingers normally rest.

The melees are hit and miss. The swipe across screen versions are "brutal melees" but I can't figure how they work. Most of the time I'm slicing up and interrogating soldiers like a 28 armed butcher high on LSDs and raw caffeine mixed with dark roasted senzu beans, and few other times a hand darts out and takes the life from an enemy faster than a vacuum sucking hope from an Arsenal fan toward the end of the football season. There are no vehicles, only a turret section in the intro of one mission. That's well enough. If I wanted vehicles, I'd close the game and play NFS: Most Wanted instead (another top PS Vita game, even better than the full console releases in my opinion simply because I can play it ANYWHERE).

However, the game isn't perfect. Just because the agama lizard is nodding on deck, doesn't mean the ship can't sink. Some sections are frustratingly difficult and the game's attitude to timers don't account for the unskippable cutscenes. Some weapons are less useful and enjoyable than a scoop of ice cream in the Antarctic wilderness. An early friendly character is only good for giving the tutorial and early tips but afterwards is as helpful as camel feed in a shark attack. Despite these though, what is "perfect"? One of my choices isn't safe for younger readers, but it involves a V8 supercar, marshmallow fluff, an airport runway, and ravishing female company with a strong constitution.

To present this show essentially

The game survives these annoyances but you've experienced all of them before. In other shooters on full consoles and PC. The significance here as I've said before is that this is on a "dedicated" handheld device and to us the player, without compromise.

Story
I'm lukewarm about it. I've experienced worse and there's definitely better, so here's the wiki. What I will say is that a character you have to escort a few times is a decent NPC. The enemy don't interact with him, he usually stays out of your way and in the final mission gives you stuff to blow up. Your character is mute but has opinions and (by your actions) is quite a badass. In conclusion, all this is "inoffensive but still enjoyable".

Maybe because he kinda looks like Ken Block's brother

Conclusion
So is Killzone Mercenary worth your time? Should you get a PS Vita for it? Should you get it if you already have a PS Vita? If you're like me: a fan of games (shooters in this particular case) with an all encompassing job, family and relationship, get the PS Vita & add this game to your library. If you're not, it's still fully worth it, even when I do manage time to attempt play on my Xbox 360.

Wish list of Playstation Vita titles

2013-09-01T21:55:00.001+00:00

Apologies. Had another huge gap in updates. In-between work and a barrage of old issues in new clothes, I've been too busy to put finger to keyboard outside anything beyond reports.

This post is especially aimed at Sony Computer Entertainment. Specifically +Gio Corsi (Twitter: giocorsi‎) and +Shahid Ahmad (Twitter: shahidkamal‎). I'm certainly one of hundreds, if not thousands of people adding to the cacophony of PS Vita opinions. I love my Vita and want the absolute best for it. After all, it does accompany me everywhere along with my phone(s). I'll post about the device later but this is simply a list of titles I want to see on my handheld

Anyway my list:
PS2
- Socom series
- Timesplitters series
- Syphon Filter series
- Kingdom Hearts series
- Ace Combat series
- God of War 1 & 2
- GTA 2 to San Andreas
- Okami
- Prince of Persia series
- Shadow of the colossus
- Ico
- Splinter Cell series
- Viewtiful Joe
- Bully
- Oni
- Beyond Good and Evil
- Onimusha series
- The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
- Freedom Fighters
- Zone of the Enders series
- Half Life
- Battlefield 2
- Spider Man 2
- Soul Reaver 2
- Def Jam Vendetta
- Max Payne
- Call of Duty
- Full Spectrum Warrior
It occurred to me as I typed this up. Why don't Sony push to have all their strong PS2 titles remastered for the Vita? Especially since:
1. They already have the licenses
2. It's nowhere near as hard as creating brand new titles from scratch
3. It's an extremely tall order to hope for PS2 emulation on the Vita

"Indies" (not quite a title I enjoy using but, it keeps things organized)
- Bastion
- Transistor
- Shank 1 & 2
- Mark of the Ninja (not out of place wishful thinking on this list)
- Superbrothers: Sword & Sworcery EP
- Journey

The PS3 list is more considerate of game engines and (my view of) the vita's technical capability. I'm sure to be wrong on the possibility of some of my choices
- Assassin's Creed 1 to 2.75 (http://www.change.org/en-GB/petitions/ubisoft-entertainment-s-a-port-the-assassin-s-creed-franchise-to-the-ps-vita)
- Call of Duty: Modern Warfare trilogy
- NFS: Hot Pursuit (with random chases enabled in freedrive mode)
- Vanquish
- Naruto: Ultimate Ninja Storm 1 & 2
- Mini Ninjas
- The Orange Box

PSP
- Everything. There's no excuse here Sony. You have the games, licenses and technical capability. Get a PSP from your device archive & take 5 minutes to search online on how to rip a UMD & upload the games to the PS Store. EVERYTHING that was on the predecessor should be on the successor. I find it confusing when I think of the PSP games I want to play that aren't in the PS Store and find my self thinking of getting a PSP again. We didn't harbour those thoughts & troubles on the move from VCR to DVD, we shouldn't now.

Free the Vita! Allow me to enjoy a 100% gaming experience any and everywhere I go. Don't tie me to having to get the absolute best on my handheld if I'm home on the same network through Remote Play. A great feature for when my wife wants to watch a cooking show next to a chick flick but aside that? It won't be of help outside the house, that's certain.

Brand Ghana

2012-03-08T09:35:00.000+00:00

I should say the lack of. This post is not because of this news. It's not because of this

clip from South Africa (sorry but the original showing nowadays on BBC is too hard to find).

It's certainly NOT because we just celebrated our independence; It's been festering in my heart for a while.

I'll admit right now that I'm not the most culturally exposed Ghanaian. Furthest within the country I've been from home is Kumasi, and even then, not for more than 4 days. That's nothing compared to others. At the same time, others haven't seen Ghana beyond their villages, towns and cities. It slowly built in my mind, until it burst out here. Someone framed my annoyance in an alleged exchange during a travel visa interview:

- Why do you want to go to (whichever western country)?

- To travel and see what the world has to offer.

- Have you been anywhere in Ghana?

- No (as the applicant beamed waiting for this visa).

And yet the exposure we seek locally is nothing like when we seek it externally. What bites most of all is that the 2 most important things we need to drive our tourism are lacking: promotion and access.

Promotion

Look at that! Another South African clip.

Here's one of Macedoniaa.
One of Azerbaijan.
One of Croatia featuring a song you HAVE heard if you've ever watched CNN.
Tell me what you don't want to go there, you liar.

Now you have 5 seconds to tell me how many times you saw or heard of any promotion to visit a festival or location and wanted to go afterwards. Done. Now subtract from that what you were taught in an educational facility or told by a friend. If you have more than 3, you've done well. Now you have 1 second to tell me the number of promotions you can think of telling you to buy something l. Done. Subtract like before.

That said, I don't know of many banks being advertised in schools.

Tell me you don't have more than 15 at least. See my point about promotion? There is little to no serious promotion towards the local or internal tourist market about the country which I call home. And I find that absolutely infuriating! It's not like we don't have stories, events and places to sell.

Beyond these obvious choices.

We as Ghanaians have tonnes of stories to tell. Enough to make several Oscar award sweepers.

Provided we get our movie "industry" in shape.

Even I, with my sheltered unexposed life can tell. On one of my 3 trips from Kumasi back to Accra, we used the Koforidua route (due to traffic but more on that later). When we got to the mountains to begin our run to Aburi, I began to see sights. In between the trees were stunning vistas of land that looked like God's desktop wallpaper.

NO comparison!

I wondered to myself in increasing practical steps: Where is that? How do I get there? Where do I stay? How do I get around it? How do I get back? Then it hit me like a sack of potatoes. I didn't have an answer. Here I was marveling at the beauty God gave my country to enjoy and I didn't even know the name of where I was looking. And I'm a Ghanaian living here! So what about our international visitors? Even at the airport, they get a shitty welcome. Consider this: suppose you use a certain Internet Service Provider. Suppose that they barely gave you service. Suppose that they barely acknowledged you as a long time customer of theirs.

Suppose it's this completely (and thankfully) fictional company

When you take your service elsewhere, would you be inclined to return? What would you tell your friends about them? I rest my case. Now the deputy minister has acknowledged that domestic tourism is needed for the North in the link at the beginning. A fact that the rest of the world increasingly knows. All I can do is sit and shake my head. I'm not blaming just him. I blame his predecessor. And all the others ahead of him. I blame his coworkers. I blame our constant fighting for leadership positions without doing anything when we get there.

I blame Sony for a few unrelated issues concerning pricing and distribution.

Despite this let's say that we DID advertise Ghana to the world. Right alongside the ranks of the links above. Beautiful to behold and inciting visitors near and far to come and partake. When they get to Ghana, how then do they get to the rest of the country?

Access
In thinking up this piece I hit upon a line, the transport minister is (willfully) killing our people. Consider this (you have 1 second to respond): Accra to Kumasi, how do you go? Done. Eliminate air travel and what do you get?

unofficial Governmental population control

To get around in Ghana you have 2 main options:
- Air travel
- Car (owned, hired or chartered)
- Trains don't count (yet)
- Water ferries can only reach so far.
So back to the Accra - Kumasi route. You set off and what do you meet for most of the journey?

Mostly single land road: tarmac optional

For most of the journey, you are on a winding single lane road through thick forest, villages and towns. Yet, we as a people are always shaking our heads and blaming drivers when an accident occurs (usually because of overtaking). This isn't a country road from village to village, this is the main road between the 2 biggest cities in the country. Remember my line, "(willfully) killing"? Here it comes again.

The road from Accra to Koforidua passes through a beautiful mountain range as I mentioned earlier. However, most of my time there was spent thinking about the road itself. It wound around and up and down the hills more than a drunk hyperactive flying snake. And it's no exaggeration to say that EVERY corner had tyre marks from screeching stops and telltale grooves of brakes digging into the road after the wheels come off. Every corner on a road between the capital city and a regional capital.

Look at this, the Accra - Tema motorway

Kwame Nkrumah made this motorway while my dad was in high school and here I am about to complete my 1st degree and it's exactly the same. The extension that continues it through Accra to the Takoradi road was finished THIS year! I must of course note that the road from Accra to Takoradi through Cape Coast and Elmina is mostly the same as the others I've described.

Single land road: Tarmac is now standard, speed bumps in force

As I mentioned before, you either fly or go by road. There is NO train. Social studies class many MANY years ago said there was.

Many years ago

Now? I'm not even sure you can take a train to Kumasi, (checked, you can't now). There is no sea route for our coastal cities. This is not to say that there isn't a functioning train in Ghana. But seriously, what have the transport ministers of years past done?

barely

And now here we sit as a twenty something blogger rants. I won't imagine for a minute that we have the money to build multilane motorways between our major cities along with an international standard interregional train service. I don't see serious a commitment to even try. Just as well. It's not as if we are showcasing ourselves positively anyway. We just continue peddling our national stereotypes and useless unnecessary jokes.

Efo! Some Woyome offering!

State of my iOS (June 2012)

2012-03-06T09:07:00.000+00:00

Sorry to my readers for the hiatus but I had a mountain of issues to work out and miles of road to cover (due to traffic). In between hurling insults at taxi and trotro drivers and finding laptops in MW3, I put my magnificent brain to use to think of what to blog about next. And so it has come to pass. This past Christmas season presented me with an opportunity to get what I hoped to be the gift that keeps on giving.

And it would continue giving its 30 5.56mm gifts at 900 ~~rounds~~ presents per minute

But all I could get was an iPhone 4. At a bargain too. 16gig model for 650ghc. Or £244. Or $385. Or ¥29,630. Or 80,524 souls. Sim locked of course but that's what Gevey and ultrasn0w exist for (again, somewhat sorry to you Apple). With that I could hand over my trusty 3GS to my brother and he could use his 3G to start payments on my cousins 3GS. And we've all come out the other end happy (well some more than others...). Unfortunately the iOS that came with the phone was an improperly jailbroken 4.3.5 and since I couldn't downgrade, I was left with no choice than to go forward into the new realm of iOS 5. I won't stop thanking God for Dev Team's timely release (especially with the record development period) and here I have it. A jailbroken iPhone 4. Yaayyy.

There was a bit of hype with iOS 5 and after a month of use, I don't really see the fuss. I have fun with the notification center but before it came Android had it for yonks and jailbreakers (me included) for 3 yonks. That said, you really didn't want to be shackled with the default notification method before iOS 5. But people did, previous phone owner included and I wonder how. Android users go on forever about how they have a far better and open experience than iOS and I agree. My counterpoint is that after jailbreaking, that changes. I'll admit that by the time my tweaks are sorted the result looks like an iOS themed Android phone but hey I'm happy with it. It doesn't stop me wondering why I'm still on iOS instead of Android. It's not like I don't appreciate it. Perhaps I fear that it is a bit too open and varied so as a result too easy to get hurt. I know some poor unfortunate sad souls that have killed their Android devices because they flashed the wrong kernel. Which for my non techie readers, is the equivalent of putting diesel into a petrol engine.

Well that's at least how they described it.

I'm a somewhat experienced Android user and jailbreaker (read: Rooter) myself and can fully understand the risks (and by golly are there a lot of risks). iOS by comparison can be given a rudimentary jailbreak by an ape.

Ta daa!!! Presenting Homeus Genius

This is not to say Android a super tight locked down system. That is contested between iOS and anything out of Sony. The tools that are used to jailbreak iOS are simply designed to be used by used the average ape.

Ta daa!!!

Like I said earlier, the great variety of Android capable devices (iPhone included) make working on jailbreaks that more difficult to deal with. This makes the number of tools and necessary files used to work on the devices utterly nutterly butterly. There is a growing hegemony in the tools used but it's still miles away from the 5 or so tools that are used to hammer blow the Apple. Even then, Android is not the minefield I make it look like... or is it?

If you don't see the similarity, that's your soul being digested. See a priest

Could it be that Android itself has it's share of mines to worry about. The openness of the system has the effect of malware being capable of attacking the system. This has in my eyes turned Android into a portable Windows system

Virus hunters, this look familiar?

Still that isn't the reason. I've avoided malware on my system for about 57 yonks, so Android won't be a problem. Not even Carrier IQ. Ha ha to Android and BB users. The few iOS users that are afflicted can turn it off with a flick of a switch. Here, enjoy some smugness: ʕ•̫͡•ʔ.

In all seriousness, if you use a smartphone read this on Carrier IQ

I think the reason I've stuck with iOS is the possibility of what jailbreak offers. Sure Android ships with and can easily get the features I want to find in iOS but there's something missing. It's not like I can program and write my own solutions. I know, I tried.

It didn't end well

And to be honest there are solutions that exist that have made my iOS experience so much better that I can't imagine in Android. And please Droid users put your hands down, I've already acknowledged the open variety that you take for granted. But it's different when, the device is already "open". It's like when jailbroke my PsP and had amongst other tweaks, a book reader and a calculator for use in class.

The real hack came when I convinced lecturers that it was an educational tool

Thanks to the jailbreak of iOS I've dipped a finger in the interface of Windows Phone 7. I can also send and receive via Bluetooth (Nokia users, stop sniggering in the back). I now rarely carry my laptop around (which is just nearly twice the size of the original iPad and several thousand jiggawatts more powerful). Not that it has replaced my laptop (LMAO!!! As if!) it's just that, I can dedicate the laptop to more intense simultaneous tasks:

- browsing 50+ tabs at once

- downloading 5 70mb files at a go

- rocking out a music/video playlist on 3 screens

- quickly completing a 20 page essay

- pausing work on the essay to save the free world in MW3

A diagram of my processor

Actually there is one iOS jailbreak exploit I badly want and it's proven as easy to find as a virgin admitted a maternity ward. True direct USB access to the core filesystem. Again, Droid users put your hands down. iOS users will note that connecting any iDevice only exposes the camera folder. Searching and asking for solutions lead to a variety of solutions that would work just fine for me on my computer in my network. Not the Windows XP using attendant of the 20 customer full wireless-less print shop To make a tech story simple there are 3 major solutions:

- the apple favorite; share to wireless

- utilize some witchcraft and command prompt to SSH your way in

- install / run a program on your machine to open the filesystem

I've spoken to several programmers including developers of the most popular jailbreak tweaks and apps. Do you know how many understood and were working it? 1 and he doesn't even have a iOS device. To be honest I sort of killed what would have been his 1st iPhone. In the end, aside him, none of them understand the need for such a thing. I'd let that go but he was one of 2 Ghanaians living in Ghana I asked. The other is in Dansoman. I've asked him again and pending some contracts he has to fulfill, I can expect something in August.

In the end, I had to use this (artist's rendition). It was messy, he slobbered everywhere

I can say I'm in a stable state with regards to my iOS and not likely to consider switching till WP7 comes and lingers a bit on the Nokia platform. So I'll leave you with some screenshots from my portable device. Just so you know they are (in order):

- My Homescreen

- Homescreen again

- Listed Cydia tweaks in Settings

- My multitask screen

- My notification center

-My lockscreen

Before posting this, I got my hands on a HTC Desire HD and I'm in the process of specing it up then I'll stem the gushing and write about the greatness of jailbreaking on ALL devices for another post, especially in the wake of this.

Customer favours

2011-10-17T09:11:00.000+00:00

I was worried recently. After my first post I realized that my intended 2nd blogpost would not be ready and would be too long. As a result, I actually had to start brain storming on what to write about. In the beginning it was hard (lots of demands on my time and impressive but divided intellect). Then as the days moved on things came up:

The passing of Steve Jobs and Dennis Ritchie and their effect on the tech and business world
The woes of RIM
The new iPhone and matching software upgrade
The 48th Ghana - Nigeria match
And last but not least: Lessons in how to buy a car in Ghana

As opposed to my previous state, I had lots of ideas and was still trying to formulate words and anecdotes to match. But things can and do change, and as I sit in this air-conditioned lobby an hour in being entertained by a tank of fish, I found a nice topic for my next post. Customer favours. Or as it's called here, customer service.

Riveting

The guilty party today (and am sure you readers can put in any other company name and still get the same result) is Vodafone Ghana. For a telecoms provider my problem is simple enough: the internet connection you gave me isn't working, fix it. I should mention that I made this complaint over a quarter of a year ago. To the point where, the staff and technicians at the office in my area knew me by face and name. One mention and they knew where I was and that I had a problem "again".

He gave up downloading his update

Yes, I'm sure you have all been here before and have had even worse experiences than my sitting here entertained by plankton.

I'll buy the Blu-Ray Directors Cut. 2 copies

Honestly I wouldn't mind if this was Auntie Akwele's bar and the reason I wasn't served was because the barman was having lunch. Not only could I slap him for my entertainment (and possibly to register my displeasure) but you really don't expect them to know any better. However a company that prides itself on being able to provide for so many customers worldwide doesn't have that excuse.

Evilness isn't an excuse

Allow me to reach into my knowledge bank and use what 3.5 years of marketing study has grudgingly taught me. The Pareto principle in the context of business states that 80% of profits comes from 20% of your customer base. The next thing to note is the principle also explains why it's more expensive for a company to get new customers than to retain the ones they've already "won", that is 80% of the promotion resources only bring in 20% of the target. I know bugger all about business studies in Senior High to know but this is taught and HAMMERED into your head when you are in any business school of any university.

Marketing 101: how to make money from customers. University of buullu, any beach in Accra (nails not included)

Whoever is running the show here has not only got that basic 1st degree but at least a masters or even a phd. And his subordinates are still way better than I am. So unless there is a course in how to bend over and take your customers at the masters level, how is this happening?

Marketing 709: Putting the customer in his place

This isn't just Vodafone. I can't for the life of me think of any service here that SERVICES it's customer base without massively messing up in someway and not trying to fix it like they mean if. Except maybe Multichoice running DSTV but to be honest, there are few ways you can mess that up.

Losing the license to show the EPL is s start

Recently I've ported from MTN because it would be nice for a mobile telecommunications company to allow me to communicate. Airtel work reasonably at least but have taken to spamming my message inbox with their offers, and I can totally remember when I said to them, "Yes, I would love to receive messages from you guys over and over again about deals, offers and instructions I will need, want or don't need without a way to turn it off."

Insert corporate overlordship here

I honestly wonder if it's ineptitude, a refusal to provide true customer service or they are just slow. Take an example; Now most if not all of the mobile telecoms providers have what they call colour ringtones, where if you call a number instead of the tone of a phone ringing what we get is a song (speech or prayer) selected by the person we are ringing. This is 57 shades of annoying because it inevitably means that alot of the time you're going to have a song you HATE blaring into your ear while the person you're calling doesn't answer, this isn't my issue though. At GIMPA, this semester I share a class with MTN marketing officers and they brought a scenario where customers call in complaining that when they call a number expecting a discount only to find too late that their call time has expired due to the number porting to another network, and they were flummoxed for solutions. So I offered that instead of wasting our time with colour ringtones, why don't they play audio warnings to callers when they call ported numbers. You'd think I told them that they were guaranteed passage to heaven and yet I was at a loss to explain why a multi million dollar company with all of it's well educated and knowledgeable workforce couldn't think to implement this. No one can make the point that they don't know the numbers that ported or where to. When I ported, MTN called me a week later to ask why. Daixy had an MTN number call her Airtel number to ask her to port to the former.

It took a few days to write this post partly because I spent a lot of time driving (and inevitably cussing like a marine chasing a roll of biscuits on a storm ravaged navy boat) and mostly because I was waiting to be proven wrong. At the beginning of the post the vodafone rep promised to call me by close of day that day. It's been 5 days (Saturday and Sunday included). Heck. Before I turned up to their office (this time) I wrote a letter of complaint months earlier.

By now it's in the marketing department

It's not just telecoms. Obii recently had this experience. Jrkaa had this experience. I can guarantee that you all have had at least 3 experiences. Banks, public transport, etc. And we call ourselves a Christian country? In the bible it is written; Luke 6:31, "Do to others as you would have them do to you". You can forget that, because it's not in any business book (of which there are thousands) but it is a case of what goes around comes around. That's the nature of services. If companies that offer these services in some manner (whether directly or as a product support) fail to follow this simple principle, it worries me that they may actually think that I leave the comfort of my home or the importance of my occupation to come to their office to be entertained for hours on end by a tank of floating lunch.

But who wouldn't want to?

Hyundai Driver 101 - Lesson 47

2011-09-27T12:53:00.000+00:00

Always have "Super Glue" on hand.

You know that feeling you get when you're in the right place at the right time? That warm sensation when you appear at the nick of time to save the day? Well, I love that; more so when the damsel in distress is a hot chick.

Well, on this particular day, the journey was long, traffic heavy and the drivers? Standard for the Accra metropolis.

Journalist documenting driving conditions in Accra

The Ghana Police were marked by their absence (not that it would've made a difference if they were around) and yet , I and my noble steed battled the craziness on the road to reach THAT chick and save her from people more clueless than fisherman flying a plane with no pilot.

After attempting to build a house

Eventually, we made it ; rolling through the front gate with triumph and easing into the parking spot right infront of the place. Battle done, I called up to the damsel in distress to let her know that her Romeo and chariot awaited and down she came. Beaming with delight at the end of stress, work and annoying situations that my arrival symbolized, she sat in beside me and I started the engine to drive away; towards the gate and to the sunset (or at least anywhere with food and no traffic). So I roused my steed.

*spark*
vroom
THUNK!

I'm sure my situation was in the deleted scenes (kicks and punches included)

The noise hit like a wet towel to the face. The trip was long and hard and all I had to show for it now was a damsel in my passenger seat wondering if my laughter was a sign of me losing my grip on reality, and what that noise from my engine was. Even now typing this I sigh with the venting breath of a tired man after a long day. The noise was that of gas escaping from my engine after a sparkplug that yearned for the free life had ejected itself. To be honest, I wish it had launched itself right into orbit and maybe brought down a satellite.

It was gonna be like this only minus the flag

When you get a car like Snow White, expect the unexpected is a living mantra. NOTHING surprises you anymore. Tyres evicting air like non paying tenants, exhaust practicing it's bass voice and African drum experts in your suspension, Snow White will take you through every single mechanical fault a car is capable of. She was a 97 Hyundai Elantra. A so-so ride but one that had done many years of long hard graft; patched and sold to me to up the ante of abuse. So, being the "well prepared" and experienced workhorse I am, I rolled up my sleeves, found what tools were still in the glove compartment and stepped out to face the new challenger

Sparks Lee. Runs on Chuck Norriz and AMG engine blocks.

I was underestimated. A challenger should pose a challenge or it's just something in your way. A weed to be stomped. And stomp it I did. It was simple enough, find the culprit, and screw it back into line and test. Of course it did it again so out came my secret weapon.

Right weapon, wrong application

Liberally apply "super glue" around the screw grooves of the trouble maker and shove it deep into that dark slippery hole like a talented spelunker (canary optional). Then spend the time waiting for it to set, convincing the damsel that all is well, the noble steed needs a few moments of fresh air. She was no airhead so the conversation was long and interesting enough to guarantee that the glue set to a standard used in submarines and space travel. In my mind at least. And so came the test.

Due to time constraints, I couldn't resort to Standard Test 4B (variation pictured above)

With the car carefully aimed purely by chance at the glass doors of her office and the bonnet safely wide open, I turned on the engine and revved away. VROOM, VROOOOMMMM like I was challenging the doors to a race. Of course I was waiting for the sparkplug to launch itself through the glass and make this story more interesting till I at-least reach the lawsuit section but no. My brilliant ingenuity held out.

Superglue United 1 - 0 Sparklug

Of course it blew out again after a week but hey what did you expect?