Matt and Davids World of Crap

Me and My Bad Manners

2007-11-23T15:17:00.000Z

Has gotten me an essay - 200 words - EVEN WHEN i had done more notes than "Is this enough fake tan" Tori or *Sucks thumb* Carney. Hmm...

" It is very important for me to show a good set of manners in all lessons, especially Geography, with the mocks coming up. If my manners were to be better, I would have written more than I did in my book (just half a page) and I would have completely understood the concepts of hedgerows, harvest mice and tennis balls in Farm Development in East Anglia. As it currently stands, I am not fully sure about these subjects and I will have to re-read my notes to understand.
Also, my bad manners could impact upon the rest of my life, especially if I was to apply for a job. This would seriously set me back, and I am very glad it has been brought to my attention so I can rectify this problem and change my personality completely.
It is also disrespectful to talk during the �??FARMING AND THE ENVIROMENT�??, especially since somebody went to the trouble of putting together a 33-slide presentation of many different pictures �?? however, it is unfair that the rest of the class was talking yet I was singled out, even though I had made more notes than the rest of the class. I am sorry."

Got my serious head on...

2007-11-11T19:07:00.001Z

Don't call remembrance day a waste of time. Don't even say that it should be toned down a bit. the plain and simple truth of the matter is, people have fought and died for our freedom in the past, and they're still doing it now. One day i will be one of those people.

The ignorant view of many that I know infuriates me; why should the remembrance of the dead who fought for us be forgotten? Or even toned down?
Trust me, standing in the parade with serving soldiers, and other poeple who have known war, and other teenagers who think of that great sacrifice, it runs deep in your blood. It really hits you hard standing at the cenotaph, watching the banner drop with the last post, watching the veterans cry for their lost friends. And it inspires you to do your bit.

So don't come out with all the shite about "it was ages ago", or "they're not around anymore anyway"; those soldiers, seamen and airmen serving in Iraq and Afghanistan right now benefit from the poppy appeal and the tradition of remembrance as much as the veterans and families of the dead.

So just crack on with the whole thing and don't moan about a few weeks dedicated to remembering the sacrifice of long gone soldiers.

Why do these people talk to me?

2007-10-25T17:14:00.000+01:00

While I was delivering my newspapers, about halfway through, some boy was looking at me. I cycled by him to deliver a paper to a house (such is my profession), when the conversation started.

"Hey David, do you know about the boys who are going around with fireworks?"
"No, where do they go?"
"They just hang around with fireworks. It's dangerous. The shops who sell them to the kids should be arrested."
"Yeah" [I was about to cycle away]
"Hey David, did you know that?"
"No" [Start to go again]
"Hey David, is it just me or is corrie boring?"
"Erm... what?"
"Is corrie boring now?"
"I don't watch it much, but i don't think so."
[He pauses for a moment] "Ok"
"?" [I start to cycle away]
"Hey David, [I Stop] I've spoken to you before, haven't I?"
How else would you know my name? "Yes"
"Hey David, Did you use to go to Gilmour?"
"Yes"
"Hey David, did you know X and Y?"
"No."
"What year were you in?"
[Begin to get bored with this] "Year 6?"
"Oh, so you won't know them"
"I have to go now."
"Bye David"
[Cycle for a second]
"HEY DAVID"
"What?"
"Look out for the fireworks. I don't go out anymore, I stay in. So should you."
"Thanks."
"Hey David, where about do you live?"
[Point in opposite direction to my house, to a cluster of houses]. "The house over there"
"Hey David, I have to go, i'm late to watch Corrie."
"It's not on yet, its only 2:30".
"I know, but I taped it."
"..."

Now, I don't mind "mentals" talking to me, but jesus christ...

Or does he?

2007-10-24T20:24:00.000+01:00

Matt has everything to do with my postings. So, erm...

I found Maddie....

Crunch, Crunch, Crunch, Yum, Yum, Yum...

2007-10-24T18:44:00.000+01:00

Just so you know, David might be posting some pro-nazi, anti-semite, anti-Maddie stuff in the near future. I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.

thankyou

Evil Evil (Moderatly) Short Hair

2007-10-23T10:14:00.000+01:00

Got ma hair cut yesterday, and now it looks crapper than usual. I look quite the lesbian. but, its half term so i may as well spend lots of time doing nothing and complaining about my hair. Oh, and revision for stupid mocks.

STUPID

STUPID

STUPID MOCKS

Tell Myspace I love him.... her, I meant her.

2007-10-07T10:17:00.000+01:00

Just done my papers, and saw a headline that a woman worked 89 days and got £51000 from the Maddie fund. It just made me think - "If Maddies not using it....".

And yes,I know Matt will probably go David! and think about removing it, but wont in the end, and then he will feel bad about it. So it's all good.

Staring into the pixels of moral decay?

2007-10-04T15:16:00.000+01:00

My good friend Jon has just offered to do the MADWOC podcast a new themetune. Now, if you have heard the last theme tune, it sounds akin to an ant benath a microscope. In the sun. And upon the side of that microsope is inscribed NOISE. NOISE. PIANO KILLING NOISE.

And so from the sweet arms of merciful deliverance the fates have granted the MADWOC podcast the chance for a sleek, serious image. Sort of like a hobo who has been taken in by the welcoming arms of the YMCA, only to find that there is extra slippy soap in the showers. Then he is doomed. SO BUY NEW 'SOAP-ON-A-ROPE', the ultimate in anti gay rape technology.

Anyway. New theme tune. New content. The juicy plumpness of the ripened flowers is dripping with anticipation. Can you feel it?

We're back... Again...

2007-10-04T09:22:00.000+01:00

So, madwoc has been re-born, pushed out of the vagina of reconciliation and shoved into the loving arms of friendship, while being slapped on the arse by the nurse of light insults and marginally retarded creativity.
So, expect more podcasts, more posts, and most of all, more maddie jokes....

Not to mention long, drawn out, and often sexual metaphors :) And the triumphant return of the type-as-we-talk blog. Can't remember what they're called. Sorry I busted in :(

WOOT.

PS. Geography CW sucks, but not as much as being forced under a stage in an emo costume.

Tolkien Mythos

2007-10-03T14:24:00.003+01:00

Ah, the wonders of the works of Professor Tolkien! And the criticism that accompanies them. Link for Tolkiens greatest poem?

http://leithian.blogspot.com/2005/09/lay-of-leithian-release-from-bondage-i_01.html

Tolkien, in case you don't know, is widely regarded as one of the finest neo-classical authors of the last 100 years, having written several masterworks and uncountable drafts and poems regarding his mythical world. A reviewer once said of Tolkien's Silmarillion that at times it "rises to the greatness of true myth". However, others may contest the point, calling it boring or, to put it more commonly shite, or in the words of Jonathan "balls". What a cock.

The true depths of Tolkien's masterpieces cannot be here described; epic tales and poems of love, battle and kingdoms lost. Kinda makes me all warm and fuzzy inside - like a warm and fuzzy thing.

And on that note I'm leaving.

Remember folks, IMPERO IS FASCISM.

I put the M in MADWOC. Remember?

2007-09-29T10:57:00.000+01:00

So. Back again at last. Blogging via Wii once again. Erm.
Anyway, in case y'all hadn't noticed MADWOC has been on the rocks lately, and I only just remembered my password - things are looking up, lookin up indeed XD

We at MADWOC apologise for the long delay in correspondence as a team, but we have been otherwise engaged in t'other activities (no involving sheep or vibrators this time).

So. We mean to start up the ever popular MADWOC podcast once again, using even more advanced recording equipment than last time (i.e. the newer version of Audacity) - this news has excited our many fans unbelievably.

The ever present story will also be undergoing a significant revamp - both David and myself hve had different thoughts over the past few months and will be changing the style and tempo of our epic tale :)

And so, that concludes my return to the world of MADWOC.

Kate Nash: Made of Bricks

2007-08-05T20:51:00.000+01:00

Kate Nash's new album - I'm giving it a quick review. Some songs are longer then the pre-album limewire songs;

Little Red is 7:04, from 5:08. the song is defiantly slower, but it just doesn't seem as good as the LW one. Merry Happy seems a lot quicker in pace as does We Get On. Even Birds seems livelier on the album, compared to the LW track.
Also, in comparison to the LW tracks, the songs seem like they were recorded a lot better; The LW tracks sound like they were done in her bedroom, while the album has the "benefit" of studio recording (so no echo behind the voice....).

There is no "Like Maybe" on the album, which I quite liked and luckily not the dreadful "Caroline's a Victim".

Conclusion... good album. Buy it. Or, if like Sarah Hogdekiss, you don't like Kate Nash, then don't. If you've listened to the LW versions of the songs (Esp. Birds) they sound quite different, so don't delete the old ones just yet...

My Summer School Experiance...

2007-08-04T20:51:00.000+01:00

Well... Me being the clever sod i am, decided to write a diary about summer school. I wrote it when I was meant to be in bed, so its probably crap, but read it anyway.

Sunday 22^nd July

Arrived at the University (after driving, due to the selfish people of British Rail getting their tracks flooded) after 4 hours, and was shown to my room. Lo consiste de chair, desk, phone, bed, sink (concealed in a wardrobe), an actual wardrobe and two plugs (two aren�??t enough �?? lamp, phone, laptop and iPod charger�?�)

We did some Ice-Breaker activates, which didn�??t break the ice, and just shown us who were the leading bastards in the group (eg. Ed �?? so far up himself he comes out his nose). This lasted for two hours, then we were sent to bed after a meeting with Doug, the head honcho. He reminds me of a startled racoon. He moves his head before his body, and shouts everything. I call him racoon-man (�??cos I�??m so original).

Monday 23^rd July

First of the academic sessions (Stream: Medical Sciences) and we did Physiology and Pharmacology. We looked at Stan (Standard Man), who we used to test various medical conditions on (I gave him asthma, let him have a heart attack and die) . We also got our BP and pulse measured. In the afternoon we had to do heart rate tests (based on the P QRS T beat). I was wired up to a computer and had to dip my head into a bucket of ice-cold water. Surprisingly, my heart rate did go up, as predicted, so it was a worthwhile experiment.

Later, we went bowling and the group I was in had a supervisor called Arleen. She was like a fat Ms. Strain, except not a slag or a bitch. The only problem was that she bowled so slowly that we could probably go and buy a drink and the ball would still be rolling. (Why is it called BOWLing, when there are no bowls involved?).

It was also the day I finished Harry Potter 7. It feels like there is an empty space in my soul, and nothing can fill it :�??( .

Tuesday 24^th July

Today in good ol�?? medical sciences we did Human anatomy and messed around with a pig lung (nothing new�?�).

In the group I was in there were these two girls who reminded me of Sarah and Ellie. One was Penny and the other was Christine. And, apparently, I have a very heavy scouse accent. She�??s never met Beca Warrener (lucky cow)�?�

It was also today we discovered that Penny likes to cut up small puppies, and regularly kills one-legged puppes.

We had a workshop of Drama today, and there was this git of a boy. I don�??t know if he had mental problems or something (I don�??t care if he did, he�??s still a bastard), but we were playing a game called �??If you have�?��??. Rules are simple �?? there are x amount of people, and x �?? 1 chairs. One person stands in the middle of the circle and has to say something (If you have�?� ever ridden a bike) and if you have done it (ridden a bike) you have to stand up and find a new chair. This bastard stood up, found a chair but didn�??t sit down. He though it was funny, but the annoying thing is he HAD NO FUCKING QUESTIONS READY.

Wednesday 25^th July

Today we did Comparative anatomy of the GIT (gastric intestinal tract). We were allowed to play with live goats in the barn of Bristol Uni, hold the ferrets, walk the dog (Flash), look at the guinea pigs and hold the snakes.

After that we went into the vetinary dissection room and looked at the assortment of animals we were comparing. There was a horses GIT, and while we were looking around it, I squoze the end of the intestines (aka the anus) and shit came out. Nice.

There was also a cow (which doesn�??t actually have 4 stomachs, just 4 chambers). The woman was showing us the ascending colon and cut it open. Half digested food was seeping out for the rest of the day. There was also a dog which had been sliced in half, so we could analyse the GIT, but this girl was flicking the penis thinking it was the tail (it sounds like an excuse Paula would use: �??I thought it was his penis, sir�?��??) and the worse thing was that its feet still had fur on, as did the eye area and the bottom bit of the neck still did. �??Twasn�??t nice.

It was the first time I�??d ever felt sick looking at dead bodies, but I think it was the smell.

My stupidest quote ever - �??Fire blanket �?? oh, no, not a blanket made of fire�?��??

Thursday 26^th July

Today was Comparative anatomy of fight, and the professor taking us was about 260 years ld and his lab assistant was about 70. He was a bit of a name dropper, mentioning he was friends with David Attinbourgh. Over lunch we were wondering weather he, David and his 70 year old lab assistant prostitute had kinky bondage sex dressed in leather and all. The pizza was nice.

The main question he was trying to answer in the 30 slide presentation was if Humans could fly. He answered this in the first slide (due to the ratio of weight to muscle strength), yet persisted to continue to explain this, as if we were stupid. He shown us the D.A. video, in which D.A emerged from the busses looking like he had been dogging, with a woolly hat which was not fitted properly.

We made so many �??old�?? jokes today, my sides hurt from laughing.

Friday 27^th July

Neuroscience �?? the worst thing ever. It was amazingly boring, there were no chairs and it was repetitive. Honestly, there are only so many times you can pretend to be impressed by 3D mapping and modelling of neurons using aesthetic dye; only so many times you can feign interest in synapse modification and impulse modulation. Even the Leader of our group got bored and suggested that we cut down the sessions from 3* 50 min to 3* 30 min and with two breaks. And we were on the fifth floor for the sessions and the common room was in the basement. 144 stairs �?? fuck off.

I had a fried breakfast for the fifth time in a row and the pizza for lunch (as I have every day). My stomach hurts �?? so I�??ve got to stop eating it. My poor GIT�?�

At 9:45 we had had the typical Meeting with Doug (the leader dude, who looks like an excited racoon) before going back to our blocks, and he told us there was going to be a big brother diary room thing set up, where BB sets you tasks that you have to do �?? not the best idea ever, but ok�?�

Saturday 28^th July

Went to @Bristol today ( a science museum) which was quite good. There was a giant hamster wheel which was great fun to run in. We were doing an interactive touch screen quiz about alcohol and the woman asking the questions was Ruth (who takes us for medical sciences). We were amazed.

Also in @Bristol we found a few computers where you could read about certain topics such as the UN Ban On Human Cloning. At the end you could leave a comment and some knob-head said �??IT�??S ALL BLAIRS FAULT �?? THE GREAT BETRAYER OF THE PEOPLE.�?? There were also some really long political/philosophical answers to the questions, and some like �??its bad innit coz dere wud be 2 of u about. lol ;) ;)�??. While reading all the comments we missed the Planetarium.

After this at about 7:30, the Harry Potter party started. I was put into Ravenclaw and made my owl little cape with the Deathly Hallows on the back. I found a big stick in the grass and started using it as my wand. I was quite the wizard. But then there were attempted robberies of my robes and wand, but I fought valiantly, and kept my secure hold over them.

Ravenclaw came second to Slytherin in the find the snitch competition �?? only because we kept getting Voldemort in them as opposed to Harry.

Sunday 29^th July

We were allowed a lie in today (which I didn�??t do) and then at 11 we walked to Bristol Zoo. The animals weren�??t that interesting, but I did get my face painted and learnt the rape song.

Stop! Don�??t touch me there,

This is my private square,

R-A-P-E,

Get the hell away from me.

(If the rapist hasn�??t stopped by now)

Stop! Don�??t touch me there,

This is my underwear,

R-A-P-E,

Get the hell away from me.

(If it gets very seriously rapey)

Stop! Don�??t touch me there,

This is my pubic hair,

R-A-P-E,

Get the hell away from me.

However, since a square is a 2d object, we reasoned that the private square would not protect you both ways. So, there is the modified one:

Stop! Don�??t use that lube,

This is my private cube,

R-A-P-E,

Get the hell away from me.

In the evening we did some creative writing, which I have sprawled over 3 pages. I should type it up. Penny, the dog/puppy killer, did hers about a tourched dog.

I also started to re-read the old story, and had some new ideas about it.

Monday 30^th July

There were no Proper medical science people to talk to us today, so our leader Ruth did a day about medical ethics. It was very good. In fact, it was better than the dead animals. And on the way back Kathryn and I saw a man and his daughter, who we discovered were a pimp and his crack whore.

There was also a quiz about general stuff and we came second. OUT OF 19.

Tuesday 31^st July

Today we did DNA History and Structure. We�??ve already touched upon this in Biology, but it was much easier to understand in this, reason being that Kathryn had an analogy which worked. The thing that we were learning was DNA�??s part in making proteins. The analogy was that Kathryn was the DNA, who couldn�??t leave her box (the nucleus). However, she has lots of hungry guests in a party (the cells of the body). So, she manages to get the recipe for chocolate chip cookies and holds her plasmid (or arm) out of the nucleus. Now, RNA, (me) takes the recipe, but I don�??t understand part of the recipe, the milk chocolate chips, so I change it to dark chocolate chips (like when the RNA turns the nitrogenous base thymine into something it can carry and understand). When I give the cookie recipe to Chef Ribosome, (Rachael) she doesn�??t like RNA�??s changes and turns it back into milk chocolate chips. She then uses the recipe to make the cookies (proteins). The whole process starts again, with other puddings. It�??s much easier to explain in person.

The practical we had to do was DNA fingerprinting, where we had to work out who stole from a rich persons safe. To do this we used Agarose gel and in the end ours was the best (even the woman said so). So, our son, DNA, turns out to be gay, became a lawyer, and then dies and replaced Jesus.

Wednesday 1^st August

We did the same thing today, except with proteins. So it was Protein Fingerprints that we were doing. Obv. Unfortunately, this child did not do well so we disowned it.

Afterwards was the talent show, which was really good, the best bit being when the RA�??s sang �??I Love You NAGTY�??. It was the cheesiest copy of �??I Want it That Way�?? by some 90�??s boyband, but all good fun. I was in �??I Wish I was Our Sammy�??, in which I had to do a scouse accent.

It was our last proper meal in Badock Hall tonight, which make it seems like time has flew.

Thursday 2^nd August

Our last full Medical Science day was ok. We did some DNA fingerprinting for Cystic Fibrosis and found out that Child 4 had it, which was sad.

We also had a lecture on euthanasia, and found out about Diana Pretty, Ms. B and Anna.

At lunch, crazy Nick came to speak to Kathryn, and kept invading her personal bubble. He also told her that she made him feel warm and that she had a dynamic set of facial expressions�?� she ended up ranting at him, which accumulated in her telling him to crawl into a hole and die, which was nice.

At 7:00 we set off to our formal dinner, where we had a very posh meal (tomato and basil soup, chicken breast and lemon tart). It was in a big grand hall and was very proper.

Friday 3^rd August

Last full day in Badock �?? home tomorrow. We spent the morning making a Med. Sci. Presentation for the graduation tomorrow, and we got free Nagty t-shirts. Over the two weeks, I had spent £10. I�??ve £30 left, so it�??s a profit, but if I hadn�??t have gone I would have had £40 anyway. Ah well.

To end the summer school we had a big party, which was amazing. I had whiskers drawn on me in highlighters which shone in the UV light. The party ended with cotton eye Joe, the macaraina, Angels and other amazing 90's party hits. There was a lot of rap and rave, and i managed to sneak some arctic monkeys on as well. We fashioned a layer-layer move-move dance, which followed the hand jive and Nazi dance (for Jack and his BNP loving Ways). It was a great way to end the summer school.

Saturday 4^th August

After we took our cases down to the car park we were all given a Summer School Newspaper, which was quite entertaining. After this, we had the graduation which lasted for two and a half hours in a boiling lecture theatre, and then there was a three hour 175 mile long drive home.

But, I�??m back now and all in all, it was well worth going.

So, schools over...

2007-07-19T21:47:00.001+01:00

And the long summer term is ahead, but i only get four weeks, not six like everybody else, because i have to go to summer school for medical sciences.

Why? BECAUSE ITS FUCKING FREE, THE ONLY REASON...

But, i can make the best of it because nobody knows me there, and i can be a completely different person for two weeks.

And, also, we've decided to breath life into madwoc, like an old woman who has found an old snake and nurses it back to life, and it eventually kills the old woman.

Emmas Cool Thing

2007-06-27T19:49:00.000+01:00

I want to re-birth MadWoc

2 tough questions

Question 1:

If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who
were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had
syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?

Read the next question before looking at the response for this one.

Question 2:
It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts.
Here are the facts about the three candidates. Who would you vote for?

Candidate A.

Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologist
He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.

Candidate B.

He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in
college and drinks a quart ofwhiskey every evening.

Candidate C

He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an
occasional beer and never cheated on his wife.

Which of these candidates would be our choice?

Decide first... no peeking, then scroll down for the response.

Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.

And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question:

If you said YES, you just killed Beethoven.

Pretty interesting isn't it? Makes a person think before judging someone.

Wait till you see the end of this note! Keep reading..

Never be afraid to try something new.

Remember:

Amateurs...built the ark.
Professionals...built the Titanic

And Finally, can you imagine working for a company that has a little more
than 500 employees and has the following statistics:

* 29 have been accused of spousal abuse
* 7 have been arrested for fraud
* 19 have been accused of writing bad checks
* 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
* 3 have done time for assault
* 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
* 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
* 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
* 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
* 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year...

Can you guess which organization this is?

Give up yet?

It's the 535 members of the United States Congress.

The same group that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to
keep the rest of us in line.

You gotta pass this on....2 TOUGH QUESTIONS

Omigosh!

2007-05-03T22:50:00.000+01:00

Sitting here, in my bed, listening to Franz Ferdinand, oh, the song is finished now, now to listen to a different song... WHOAAHH anywho...

Getting final fantasy 3 tomorrow, if it comes in the mail that is, but i hope it does, if so you people in school aint getting much out of me because i shall be playing it, oh yeah!

Im listening to some crazy shit off final fantasy i am, no i am not sad, why do u ask?...

I only really posted this blog because ... well i didnt have a reason at first, but now i suppose i might aswell put something here, hey... why not.

Whilst i am playing my final fantasy, all of you crazy peeps will be going to watch spiderman 3... laaaammmmeee!! ... <_< shurrup

i, for one, am not for i have not even seen spiderman 2 yet, and i feel it would ruin the story... YES IT IS AN EXUSE TO PLAY FINAL FANTASY 3... i mean... BOLLOCKS... oh why oh why do i talk to myself... im getting lonely now

how are you?

im good... u?

erm.. im ok i suppose... bit bored thoo.. up to much?

not really.. im posting a blog at the moment tho.. u?

same...

cool

hey... u think david will be pisd we did this

hell no...

shame no1 really reads this...

i do suppose it is..

well.. i gotta go now

have u...

yeah

shame.. cos i dont..

thats weird... bearing in mind we are the same person...

i do agree with that.... unusual isnt it

NO FUCK OFF HOME GAY BOY!! "Benfield has logged off, most likely because he's a wanker"

OOOOO OWNED BY THE AUTOMATED INFORMATION TABS ... BITCH!!

and thats where babies come from philip...

OMI-FUCKING-GOSH!

And a nice, luke-warm welcome to Andy...

2007-05-03T19:59:00.000+01:00

As you may well have noticed, Andy is not a poster upon this half-arsed blog. He is here mainly to get the posts up on a more regular basis, and also because he says some silly stuff. He is kinda replacing Matt, who hasn't posted in ages.
Ah well.
Er... well, I have a very busy time ahead of me;
1) The Play (the Good One, not the helen o'grady one)
2) Maths GCSE
3) Physics MOD 1 GCSE
4) Derren Brown Live
5) Elliot Minor Live
6) Loads of Coursework

Also, apparently i'm in a band (to which i contribute very little, bordering upon nothing), and you can check it out at myspace.com/paperpeoplemusic but don't expect very much, as Alice can't use it, cos she messed up. Pefh.

Anyway, I noticed that Ellie and Paula haven't posted in a while, so they should get their finger out. (Not for that, you sick misguided idiot. Put it AWAY Paula).

WELCOME ANDY! USE THE GOOGLE BOX ON THE SIDE --->

KATE DOES NOT LIKE CARNEY. IT WAS ALL MADE UP. BY SOMEONE WHO WASN'T ME...

Whooaahh! Ricky Gervais Virginity ... Gone!

2007-05-02T23:17:00.000+01:00

Jesus Taloolah H Winnifred Christ! *cowers in horrible horrible fear*

...

What be going on in this crazy messed up world of blogging... i don't know, why dont u go away and work urself off to children playing baseball, u heard me!

Anywhoes, whilst listening to this "Ricky Gervais" podcast i feel as if my inner soul has been slowly sucked out ... just like virginity =]

Every time Ricky laughs, a part of my body dies.... MY FUCKING EARS... OH THE PAIN...

Once you have listened to one Ricky Gervais podcast, the only way u can stop, is if u have an appointment and you break your computer and cant be bothered to fix it and get the podcasts back, or die.

... the bad part of this is the fact that it slowly destroys each part of ur brain which is needed to listen to this...

I COULD EAT A KNOB AT NIGHT!!

Alice's Crazy Rave PT. 2

2007-05-01T22:28:00.000+01:00

HERE. AND HERE. NOT HERE THOUGH. HERE.

ANDY STARTED ALL GAY STUFF.

DON'T BELIEVE ALICE!

Alice's crazy alcohol party.

2007-04-29T21:30:00.000+01:00

Well thank you Alice, you nearly got us all a criminal record.
Hopefully that hooked you, and so I will tell you the story.
Once everybody arrived at Alice's, she, Ashley and simon bought some alcohol and we drank it. Then they went to buy some more.
You could tell who was drunk by who was hogging the bottles, or had their own bottles. We spent most of our time in the garden, laying down or playing twister.
Even though me and Paula weren't drunk the drunkenness rubbed off on us, and we all sang along to a few songs. Ashley wriggled down the stairs and joined us, and shouted muff about the place.
So, a woman from nearby knocked on the door and told us someone was calling the police, so most people scarped.

Except for Kate, she isn't scared of the police.
I'm tired as I write this, and I'm searching for yaoi. Not (or am I?).
I'm listening to a really good song called "the quiz" by "Hello Saferide".
Oh shit! How close is my play.

Kill me now.

New to the Drugs in the Home Range

2007-04-17T21:51:00.000+01:00

Hello, and a warm welcome to all of you from Drugs in the Home, a subdivion of DaviCorp.

Here at DaviCorp we are passionate about bringing drugs to the home. So, I am here to present you with all new products, under the banner- Drugs use in the Home.

1) For Diabetics: Are you bored of injecting yourself with insulin every day, and wish the process was more enjoyable? Well, now it is. Inject yourself with DaviCorp's new Heroin-Insulin shot. The life-savingness of Insulin, with the pleasure of Heroin.

2) OH NO! You've injected too much insulin into your body? Well, even it out with Crack Sugar! One cube of this and you will be balanced out internally and reach new drug addicted highs!

3) Baking a cake for a party you know is going to be dead. Well, wake that party up with new CRACK CAKES!!! Cakes, with the right amount of Crack to get people started. (And, your cakes will be gone instantly).

So, please buy now. Email DaviCorp at madwoc @ gmail . com for more info.

This video is the best...

Drought in Africa?

2007-04-15T21:53:00.000+01:00

Drought in Africa? I remember the drought in England, 1976. There were posters everywhere; Save Water - Have a Bath With A Friend. Well, it was my grandfathers friend and a dead, stiff snake. £10 a lot to a kid in Reading.

Anyway, i have spent the latter week help to prepare my Nan's house. for her 80th birthday party. It went down a blast (or, as much of a blast as old peoples birthdays could go. In other words, no ambulances needed to arrive, although we did call for a taxi when Auntie Dorris OD'ed on smack).
She didn't want presents, so she just asked for donations to MND (motor neuron disease). And she raised £545.31. Now, you can use gift aid (so you get 28p extra for each £1 donated - this is 28%)

Ergo - £545.31 * 28% = £697.9968 --> £698

Also, my Uncle John's firm does a donation match, where they meet any charitable donation £ to £.

Therefore - £698 * 2 = £1396.

Este es mucho dinero. (Please, correct my if I'm wrong. I love being corrected.

Sí?

I will leave you with a MCR video, FAMOUS LAST WORDS.

PAULA!!!! CAN I HAVE MY CW SOON?

Thank you.

Also, hello to Alice. although she probably wont read this blog again.

Gay people should have their own public toilets.

2007-04-12T21:51:00.000+01:00

Continuing my homophobic phase i like my title.

I have been learning guitar. I was given a Guitar for Dummies dvd and i have decided to fully complete each chapter before advancing to the next. So, now i'm stuck learning Jamaica Farewell and I have to learn to quickly switch from D --> G --> D --> G --> A --> G.

Haha. I just heard the saying, Back Crack and Sack. Where they shave the back hairs, the arse crack and the sack (testicles).

What else is "sack" going to be?

________
++++++++

I have just realised that Zach Braff is the type of person I would hate in real life. JD ROCKS, but Braff would just piss me off. I think he is arrogant and cocky and i haven't even met him.
I think this is because JD is such a cool weird character, and Braff will never be good enough.
Unlike Sarah Chalke. Or the woman who plays Jordan. Most of them in fact. Except Braff. Although, this is funny.

Actually, not that good. He's a raciest. But i'm homophobic, look at my title.

I discovered this video which is a cover of Harry Chapin song Cat's in the Cradle. Watch it for me.

OOOOO. I'm going to be so annoying now by saying; I've been doing some serious thinking and have come to some serious conclusions. And you don't know nout about it.

HAHA.

Old Mother Hubbard

2007-04-10T22:55:00.000+01:00

Oh i do love to ANALyse (lolzor) old nursery rhymes.

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard,
To fetch her poor dog a bone.

But when she got there, her cupboard was bare,
And so the poor dog had none.

She went to the baker's to buy him some bread;
When she got back, the dog was dead. (OMG! Poor dog. The Woman must be distraught)

She went to the undertaker's to buy him a coffin;
When she got back, the dog was a-laughing. (Fucking dog. If that twat did that to me i'd kick it.)

She took him a clean dish to get him some tripe;
When she came back, he was smoking a pipe. (That seems very old fashioned. And gay. PS. Madwoc, and mother Hubbard, do not advocate smoking - it is WORNG. It can kill you. Probably won't, but don't do it!)

She went to the hatter's to buy him a hat;
When she came back, he was feeding the cat. (with what i wonder? Cats like cream)

She went to the barber's to buy him a wig;
When she came back, he was dancing a jig. (Again, a little bit gay. Dancing a jig. Poof.)

She went to the fruiterer's to buy him some fruit;
When she came back, he was playing the flute. (Once again, a little bit gay. But for a mammal with no thumbs, fucking impressive.)

She went to the tailor's to buy him a coat;
When she came back, he was riding a goat. (OMFG OMFG OMFG!!! What a dirty GAY! Interspecies anal riding - probably bareback. Well, it's confirmed; ol' mama hubbard has a gay dog. PS. Madwoc, and mother Hubbard, do not advocate gay sex- it is WORNG. It can kill you. Probably won't, but don't do it!)

She went to the cobbler's to buy him some shoes;
When she came back, he was reading the news. (Cleaver for a dog. And for a gay.)

She went to the seamstress to buy him some linen;
When she came back, the dog was a-spinning. (What the hell is spinning? Some gay sexual practice? What is it andy?)

She went to the hosier's to buy him some hose;
When she came back, he was dressed in his clothes. (Dogs have clothes? And he dressed himself. More impressive than the flute business.)

The dame made a curtsy, the dog made a bow;
The dame said, "Your servant," the dog said, "Bow-wow." (I don't have a clue where the dame came from. I believe the dog is in an old woman's house. And since when could dogs talk? It is fucking crazy.)

In conclusion, the DOG IS A DIRTY, DRUG-ADDICTED GAY. Why is Ol' Mother Hubbard not stopping the gayness of the dog. Stupid bitch.

He: Found this on wikipdia =

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard,
To get her poor doggie a bone.

But when she bent over, Rover took over,
And gave her a bone of his own.

See; a gay.

Also, when was it ever said that Humpty Dumpty is an egg?

Nowhere, that's fucking where.

I'm so tired.

I'll tell you whats not big or clever; A dwarf with learning dificulties.

2007-04-10T14:00:00.000+01:00

Hello.
I've been given a DVD to teach me to play guitar.
I haven't started yet.
I haven't done anything this week- but I did email paula and she never replied.
I might ask andy over tomorrow. Actually, I might not. He is scum, after all.
I should have learnt my lines for Drama yesterday, but I didn't. COS I'M HARD.

OOO my gutar is out of tune. Badly.

See ya.

In fact, you may as well of not read this. It was pretty pointless.