Makes Me Wanna Holler.com - Real Stories of Fatherhood, Marriage and Life

#TheSoulMan Twitter Viewing Party 6/19 10:30PM EST

noreply@blogger.com (Eric Payne) — Wed, 19 Jun 2013 10:30:00 +0000

You read the interview with Cedric and Niecy Nash, now sign up and join in on the fun of a Twitter party hosted by BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com. If you're on social media, Twitter parties are great ways to interact and connect with new folks with similar interests and ideas.

[Click To Tweet]
Join me & @blackandmarried for #TheSoulMan Twitter Viewing Party on Wed. 6/19 10:30-11:30PM EST Details: http://bmwk.me/16dLMgG

From BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com:

Join us as we tweet along with some of our favorite online friends before and during the show. Our Twitter Viewing Party kicks off at 10:30PM EST and runs until the episode ends at 11:30PM EST and if you’ve ever participated in one of our Twitter events then you know we always have a good time!

How To Join Us:

1) You’ll need to have a Twitter account. If you don’t have one you can sign up at www.twitter.com.

2) It’s a good idea to follow our Twitter accounts for info on upcoming chats (@blackandmarried, @lamartyler, @ronnietyler).

3) Beginners can follow along during the viewing party here (Tweet Chat): http://tweetchat.com/room/thesoulman

Party Details:

Date: Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Time: 10:30PM – 11:30PM EST
Hashtag: #TheSoulManSponsor: @TVLandHost: @BlackandMarriedJoining Us: @mybrownbaby @kiamorgansmith @epaynethedad @stephanspeaks @iluvblackwomen and more!

About The Soul Man

From the creators of Hot in Cleveland, The Soul Man revolves around Cedric “The Entertainer’s” character, Reverend Boyce The Voice Ballentine, an R&B superstar-turned-minister who takes over as preacher of his father’s church. Niecy Nash (“Reno 911″) stars as the reverends wife, Lolli. The pilot also features John Beasley (Everwood) as his father, and Wesley Jonathan (What I Like About You) as his younger brother. The character of Reverend Boyce originated on a second season episode of Hot in Cleveland in which Cedric guest-starred. Season 2 Premieres June 19 11/10C on TV Land!

*This is part of a compensated campaign with TV Land. All opinions are my own.

Thoughts? Please, let me know in the Facebook or Disqus comment sections below.

We can also talk about it on Twitter at @EPayneTheDad.

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Talking 'Domestic Sexy' and The Soul Man Season 2 with Cedric the Entertainer and Niecy Nash

noreply@blogger.com (Jackie Bledsoe, Jr. (@jbledsoejr)) — Mon, 17 Jun 2013 11:59:00 +0000

I had the opportunity to talk with Cedric the Entertainer and Niecy Nash about the new season of The Soul Man, which begins this Wednesday (6/19) at 11pm ET on TV Land.

This is a guest post by Jackie Bledsoe, Jr. Jackie writes a Family Leadership blog at jackiebledsoe.com, which helps men grow in their most important roles. The roles as husband and father. He is the creator of the series, "March DADness: Preparing Dads to Make a Championship Run in Fatherhood," and the author of the soon to be released eBook, "Lovers and Fighters: How to Love and Fight Your Way to a Better Marriage." Read more articles like this on his blog. You can also connect with him on Facebook and Twitter (@jbledsoejr).

In The Soul Man, Cedric and Niecy play a husband (Reverend Boyce) and wife (Lolli), who recently moved from living the high life that comes with being a R&B superstar in Las Vegas, to living the family life that comes with being a minister in St. Louis.

Yes, Cedric goes from a Vegas R&B star to a St. Louis minister. You already know comedy is going to follow!

Laughter and family is what you get

As with everything Cedric and Niecy touch it is sure to make you laugh. During the interview, it was hard to keep from laughing. Although you'll be laughing while watching the show, you will also appreciate the fact that they are representing a couple that truly loves each other.

Many husband and wife TV shows have spouses who are constantly going at one another, and taking cheap shots. The Soul Man represents a positive image of marriage and family.

Below is a trailer of the new season. In the video, Lolli (Niecy Nash) talks about what it does to her (and her lady parts) when Boyce (Cedric the Entertainer) helps out around the house. This scene prompted me to ask them if the same happens in their real life marriages.

Cedric, Niecy, and the domestic sexy husband

Through my question, I introduced Cedric to a term I've written about before, "domestic sexy." Domestic sexy is what you call a husband who helps his wife around the house. He is being domestic, and that makes him sexy to his wife. Watch the clip and see what Cedric and Niecy have to say below.

If their responses are any indicator of how the new season of The Soul Man will be, then you are in for a great season. A season with the perfect mix of comedy in the midst of a positive relationship.

If you are unable to view the video, you can watch the video here..

Conversation with Cedric and Niecy

MMWH: I have written about a term called "domestic sexy." Cedric, have you heard the term? Do you notice anything different when you are domestic sexy at your house?

Cedric: I'm not the handiest person. I like to get outside, water the grass, and wash the car with my son. For no reason at all, just to play in the water and have fun with the kids. I do know it has my wife in a good mood. She is a lot more playful.

I was trying to fix a chair at the house the other day, and she was like "whatchu doin?" Next thing you know, that chair stayed broke, if you know what I'm sayin'. (laughter) Ain't nobody got time for that chair no more...there's a situation goin on up in here! (laughter)

I never heard the term, but I like it though. Domestic sexy, that's alright.

MMWH: Niecy, does it have that affect on you (like in the video clip)?

Niecy: That line ended up being an ad lib. That was something I threw in there and Cedric was like, "yes, we should keep it!" It is literally how I feel! It is how I feel without a doubt.

I just wrote a book on relationships, and I do talk about it (in the book). It is something about when you see a dude...even when my husband helps me with my side of the bed. I'm like, "oh you just gonna help me clean up?" He's like "I'm just making up the bed."

There is something extremely sexy about being helped out in that way.

Get more of that every Wednesday evening

Fellas, did you hear that? Helping around the house may be the solution to some things in your marriage!

The New Season of The Soul Man is here! Make sure you tune in to TV Land on Wednesdays, starting June 19th, at 11pm (ET).

Question: Is there some 'domestic sexy' happening in your house? If so, is it true what Ced and Niecy say, a 'domestic sexy' man does something to a lady? Share your thoughts in the comment section below. You just read Talking 'Domestic Sexy' and The Soul Man Season 2 with Cedric the Entertainer and Niecy Nash. You can read more articles by Jackie on his blog.

Father's Day is for FATHERS: A Public Service Announcement

noreply@blogger.com (Eric Payne) — Fri, 14 Jun 2013 20:58:00 +0000

Father's Day Is For FATHERS: A Public Service Announcement from E.Payne on Vimeo.

When it comes to fathers and Father's Day we always hear about what men need to do to be better fathers, etc. You never hear this conversation in advance of Mother's Day. Father's Day is all about celebrating the fathers that DO in the lives of their children, not the men that DON'T in the lives of their kids. There's no argument that we shouldn't aggressively address the issue of fatherless, especially since it fosters so many societal ills. However on Father's Day lets set this day aside to actually celebrate fathers --- the men who assume the role and responsibilities that come with rearing and loving their children.

Thoughts? Please, let me know in the Facebook or Disqus comment sections below.

We can also talk about it on Twitter at @EPayneTheDad.

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A Father's Smile: #powerofdad

noreply@blogger.com (Eric Payne) — Wed, 12 Jun 2013 11:00:00 +0000

My most prominent memories from my childhood include my father in some way. He was singularly the most impactful force on my life. I remember how focused he was and how at times, he was mature to a fault, or his extreme mature was to my personal detriment. He was seemingly unmoved by many of the things that make kids kids. My dad was and continues to be an exceptionally serious man. His dealings with me oftentimes were not unlike those of a boss who deals with an average employee, mildly satisfied with the workers productivity. Always expecting more. I'll never forget the time I got a B in one of my high school classes and he acted as if I had received an F. I was furious, not in a I can't satisfy this guy kind of way but rather a what the hell is wrong with this guy?

Our relationship, at least from my viewpoint, was testy at best during my teen years. Then one day my mother shared a picture with me from my past. There I was, a big-headed, slobbering baby boy laying across my father's chest and the smile on my father's face was stretched from his left ear to his right. It was the biggest smile I had ever seen. I distinctly remember blurting out, "Dad smiles?!" The next picture (pictured here) was a little bit later on. I was bigger, wearing footie pajamas and my father's smile was still there. In retrospect on the occasions when my father did smile it was when I was in the midst of accomplishing something: running, but not winning in a track meet or posing with me at the conclusion of the many science fairs I won. That's right, science fairs. I was a god of model rockets and measuring drag coefficients.

Tweet: Your favorite Dad moments on Twitter at #powerofdad

I was stunned as I watched the Oral B (yup, the makers of the Oral B power toothbrushes) Power of Dad video. It was put together to honor dads this Father's Day for all the great moments and smiles we have brought to the lives of our families. It captures so many precious, priceless, intimate but fleeting moments between fathers and their kids. I can relate to all of them as a father of a 17 and a 7 year-old. I smiled thinking back on the times when my dad, unbeknownst to me, was grooming me to be the man I am today.

Visit: The Power of Dad and share your favorite memories of your Dad

Now that my daughter is coming into her own she looks to me for approval for the things she's involved in. There's one thing she relies on to let her know that all is right with her and the world: my smile. A father's smile makes all the difference in the world. And when my daughter sees my smile, hers gets even brighter.

I don't ever plan for this to change.

I'm inclined to believe I'm not the only one who has some valuable, wonderful memories of their father. Share your favorite memories via a short testimonial of your father or even your favorite moments as a father here in my comment section, over at The Power of Dad and on Twitter using the #powerofdad hashtag.

Disclaimer: This was a conversation sponsored by Oral-B. The opinions expressed here are my own.

Thoughts? Please, let me know in the Facebook or Disqus comment sections below.

We can also talk about it on Twitter at @EPayneTheDad.

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[Father's Day Gift Guide] 3 Reasons Why A Sonos Play:3 Is Better Than A Tie

noreply@blogger.com (Eric Payne) — Tue, 11 Jun 2013 12:30:00 +0000

I was very excited last week when I opened the package sent to me containing the Sonos Play:3 HiFi System and Bridge for review. The last time I was this excited about a speaker was when I opened the box to the original Bose Sound Dock for my iPod (I never purchased any more after that). The time before then was right after I graduated high school and purchased a Kenwood receiver and a set of JBL speakers with money I received in gifts.

Initially, I wasn't on the Sonos bandwagon. Firstly, when Sonos made it's debut I don't think I totally understood what being able to stream music wirelessly even meant. I was an apartment dweller and had forgotten the audio needs that come with being an audiophile and living in a house. Secondly, I didn't trust the sound when I listened to it at stores like Target and Best Buy because, well, everything sounds loud there if you turn it up loud enough.

But eventually I began to come around after an in depth review by tech evangelist, BrothaTech. And by the time of his review not only did I have a full understanding of streaming music wirelessly, I once again became a home dweller and entered a state of reluctant acceptance of the flat and inadequate sounds coming stylish sound docks.

For the purposes of my review I'm not going to go super-tech on you, but rather I'm going to speak to the experience of living with a Sonos Play:3 HiFi System.

It's a Speaker

The Sonos Play:3 isn't a sound dock designed to look nice (or not so nice) in conjunction with the rest of the visible stuff in your living space. No, it's a speaker. Weighty, solid, clearly packed with magnets with the emphasis on style being placed on it's minimalist wedge shape. To me it seems as if it was designed to hide in plain sight or not be seen at all either in a corner or under a chair. There is nothing like a solid state piece of equipment. It doesn't do anything more than what it's intended to do, but it does well what it has been designed to do. The manufacturer describes it as "compact, all-in-one Sonos player with 3 integrated speakers and 3 digital amps for big HiFi sound. Horizontal or vertical. Black or white." A tie isn't capable of accomplishing any of this.

Fill Your House With Music

Once I went through the simple process of setting up the device, especially simple if you're one of the initiated: a sad soul who had to set up a wireless router before your cable provider began doing it for you. I downloaded the Sonos app for my iPhone and loaded it on my desktop so I could stream music from either device. The beauty of the Sonos software is that it although it suggests you set up playlists on Sonos, it gives you the option to connect with all the music sources you normally interact with daily. So if you're on Pandora all you have to do is simply select it from the Music menu, log on inside the Sonos app and boom! You can play all your favorites and play it with all the appropriate bass, midrange sounds and highs. You'll be able to hear how wonderful the sounds you normally pack into earbuds and headphones sound when free to bounce off your walls, floors and ceilings. A tie can't fill your house with music.

With two kids, the televisions are on a lot. My daughter with her pre-teen shows and my son with all his sports. A curious thing has begun to take place since my test Sonos system moved in. The more the music is on, the more the television is off. We're spending more time communally in the living room, singing along or moving with the beats, while talking, eating together, reading and just lazing around (a la white noise). It reminds that home is a place meant to be enjoyed and lounged in, not simply force-fed information from led screens.

Functionality

The Sonos App is the merely the end of the functionality of the Sonos system. In my opinion, the strength of this wireless speaker system lies in a little product called the Sonos Bridge, a little white box that again, can hide easily enough in plain sight beside your wireless router (see the two Vines above). And again the Bridge does exactly what it's name suggests. First, it allows you to set your Play:3 in any room (where there's an outlet) without it being connected directly to your router (this will need to happen without the Bridge) and wait for it: it acts a router for multiple Sonos components. If you want you can have a speaker in every room, eliminating the need to take your speaker from room to room. You can even put two speakers together to create left and right stereo channels. You can also set each speaker's equalization settings to work in the rooms where they are situated and you can play different music in each room or have them all play the same thing --- which is great for entertaining a houseful of people. A tie can't entertain a houseful of people.

Want to Buy A Sonos Wireless HiFi System?

Target, Best Buy and Amazon.com are now hosting a limited-time promotion for the Sonos Wireless HiFi System. You can bring home the Sonos Test Pack for $299, which includes a PLAY:3, BRIDGE and three month subscription of Rhapsody Premier.

This deal will run for a limited time only (5/26 – 6/23). Visit www.sonos.com/promo for more details.

Disclosure: I received a Sonos Play:3 unit and Bridge to test out in my home for a short-term trial period. I was not compensated for this post in any way. The opinions expressed here are my own.

Thoughts? Please, let me know in the Facebook or Disqus comment sections below.

We can also talk about it on Twitter at @EPayneTheDad.

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3 Reasons Why Daughters Need Their Dads

noreply@blogger.com (Eric Payne) — Mon, 10 Jun 2013 17:31:00 +0000

I recently had the opportunity to meet Jackie Brewton at a college prep workshop she was hosting for recent high school graduates. To my surprise, she called out to me before I was able to introduce myself thanks to her "knowing me" via this blog, my writings elsewhere and my appearance in Men Ain't Boys. After connecting on several topics, most importantly our kids entering adulthood, I told myself I'd pay her blog a visit. When I saw a post entitled, "Why Daughter's Need Their Dads," I couldn't help but share. Especially with this being the week of Father's Day. Please, continue reading:

...What happens when a girl’s father is not actively engaged in her life?

Often times she makes poor relationship choices, becomes sexually active at a young age and spends the rest of her life questioning why her father did not love her enough to want to be a part of her life.

A teen girl tells us why:

We were discussing the “father issue” in class one day and a young lady gave the following explanation as to why many young ladies make poor relationship decisions and do not always demand to be treated with respect or recognize their value:

A father sets the bar on how girls expect to be treated. Girls know their fathers are supposed to protect, love and cherish them. When fathers aren’t there for them in that way, some girls tend not to expect that from the guys they date. They figure if their own fathers don’t protect, love and cherish them maybe it’s because they don’t deserve it.

. . .

How fathers help keep their teen daughters from becoming sexually active:

Fathers provide the love and validation every girl longs for so she does not have to seek love and validation from another male.

The teenage girl who has a good relationship with her father AND knows that her father disapproves of her being sexually active is more likely to refrain from sex to avoid disappointing her father.

Engaged fathers “school” their daughters about what the average teenage guy is thinking. They also educate their daughters on the manipulative things some guys will do just to get what they want.

What can parents do?

To find out read the rest of this article, which includes more real-life comments from teen daughters over at Jackie's blog.

Thoughts? Please, let me know in the Facebook or Disqus comment sections below.

We can also talk about it on Twitter at @EPayneTheDad.

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To Own And Love A Dog

noreply@blogger.com (Eric Payne) — Thu, 06 Jun 2013 14:58:00 +0000

I know people love their dogs. I've read countless stories of heroic actions taken by canines in the face of danger and/or destruction. I married into a family of animal lovers. By association, I have evolved from my avoidance of them due to my allergies to being an "animal appreciator."

My feelings on the matter were drastically altered around 4pm on Sunday, June 2, 2013.

It was a hot and humid afternoon and we were dog sitting a toy poodle (and a former stray) owned by one of my wife's friends. It was a little thing. Quite wiry, more scared than friendly and definitely feeling like the little guy compared to my seventy-pound Louisiana Catahoula Leopard Dog - Aussie Shepherd mix. I had them tethered to one of my weights in the garage while I vacuumed out my car until it began to rain. I took them inside but my dog walked back out into the garage. The poodle followed. I called mine back in and he came. The poodle looked at me trotted out of the garage and took off down the street. The house doors were open my car doors were open. Thinking I could catch him I took off in a full sprint and did nothing to secure my home, car or dog. As little as he is, he's still a dog and was now running full speed on all four of his legs while I was a two-legged man wearing boots and tired from a run first thing in the morning. A car slowed down but eventually kept going. It was raining and I began to panic. All I could think was this dog is gonna die because apparently running down the middle of the street came quite naturally to him. And my next thought was what am I going to tell his owner when she comes to pick him up? I'm three blocks from my house at this point and I begin to worry about my own dog, my open garage and home and my own open and unattended vehicle. If we hit the four way stop another block away, I wasn't sure I'd be able to continue pursuing, screaming the whole way. Just then something caused me to turn around. My dog Leo, short for Leonidas (yes, King Leonidas of Sparta), was sprinting full speed down the middle of the street directly toward me. My heart sank. Now I had two dogs to keep up with. Only I didn't know that Leo was coming to my rescue. He came right up to me. Doubled over and out of breath I huffed, "You gotta help me, baby boy. Go get him. Go!" And just like that Leo took off, blistering down the street in all his instinctual herding canine glory, chasing down the poodle, who is now a good block away from me, in a matter of seconds. The poodle stopped, Leo circled him a bit and then casually trotted back down the street to where I stood. By then we had an audience of passerbyers comprised of stopped cars. Especially since all of this was happing in the middle of the street. A woman jumped out of her husband's truck and scooped the disoriented poodle off the ground and brought him to me. She asked me if I was okay and I blabbered out my best explanation of what just happened. She said, "you poor thing," and offered to walk back to my house with me and my two dogs who had no leashes. I told her I'd be fine. And I wasn't simply being polite. I knew Leo got the seriousness of what was going on and wasn't going anywhere. I thanked her and her husband for stopping while other cars begin to pull around them. They waved goodbye and I walked quickly back home holding the toy poodle tightly in my right hand while talking to and reassuring Leo, who I've trained to walk to the left of me. He jumped around a bit and hopped along but he never left my left side the whole way home. He isn't even two years old yet.

I made it home to find my home and car untouched. A couple neighbors were putting a soft top on their Jeep and never noticed I was gone or saw me go screaming down the street. Leo walked inside and turned to me. I hugged him and almost broke down momentarily. I gave him half a bag of pepperoni slices and brought myself to give the poodle one. Ultimately it isn't his fault his nature as a stray kicked in while he was at a place unfamiliar to him.

The sun came back out and I went back to washing my car. This time I left both dogs in the house. I couldn't believe my dog got what was going on. It's not that I didn't know he had it in him, but I had no reason to consider it either. I didn't know his instincts, the magical things I read about in all these stores about heroic dogs, would kick in so that he'd know exactly what to do. My dog growls but almost never barks. He's very playful outdoors but spends most of his time inside asleep. Why did he come to me? Why didn't he just leave the neighborhood? What made him decide to come when he did? Why did he come back to me after stopping the poodle without having to be commanded to do so? I literally thanked God for my dog. And I never imagined I'd thank God for any animal other than appreciating His creativity in making so many of them. My dog helped me in a time of need and for that I am eternally grateful. Now I get the stories about the heroic dogs. But what I get even more is the dog behind the heroics.

Has your dog ever done something amazing that left you speechless and gave you a different appreciation for dogs?

3 Necessary Steps To Get Your Car Summer-Ready

noreply@blogger.com (Eric Payne) — Tue, 04 Jun 2013 16:05:00 +0000

I recently took my car into my local mechanic to fix a very worrisome problem. Every time I used the brakes my car would shake. On the streets it was somewhat noticeable. On the highways and at high speeds it was furious. I knew it was time to take the car in when my daughter asked, "Daddy, what's wrong with the car?"

Turns out the problem was very fixable. My front rotors, the silver discs that the brake calipers clamp down on when you place your foot on the brake pedal, were warped from heat and normal usage. They needed to be resurfaced. A couple hours later and $135 lighter I drove off my mechanic's lot with what felt like a brand new car. What's more I felt safe. I was reminded of a time long ago, when I was much younger and was getting my first brake job on my first car in Queens, New York. My mechanic at the time told me, "I spend top dollar on brakes because what you're riding on will protect you and what you're riding in." He had kids and spoke of his "precious investments." Now that I've got kids, I understand exactly what he meant.

Summertime is for having fun and being spontaneous. The stuff of memories is the weekend excursion with the wife, or the road trip with the kids. It's not a good feeling to be on the road and not feel safe with the people you value most. Renting a car isn't always an option. Sometimes it's nice to take the vehicle you own out on the road. But before doing so make sure your vehicle is "road trip ready" by following these three steps:

1 - Maintain Your Tires

Unless your vehicle is a complete hazard to the road, oftentimes what you're riding on is more important than what you're riding in. As I explained to my daughter last week, tires lose air and ultimately pressure over time and use of your vehicle. But the beautiful thing about this is that it is a free to inexpensive fix. Most vehicles built since the year 2005 have tire pressure monitors built right into the dashboard, so your car will let you know when it's time to re-inflate them (be sure to check the writing on the side of your tire or just inside the door jamb of the driver's side for the correct amount of pressure --- PSI - pounds per square inch - your tires should have). If you don't have a tire pressure monitoring system and even if you do, make sure you have a tire pressure gauge in your glove compartment so you can do spot inspections and see, with your own eyes, your tires' current air pressure. Not to insult anyone, but if you don't know, you can refill the air in your tires at gas stations either for free or at a cost of $1.50 - $1.75 in quarters.

I could go into great detail about how to check for tire tread wear, especially since my own tires are getting a little on the "bald" side. But this guy does it better then me and he using a tire to demonstrate:

There's nothing between you and the road, but the tires you're sitting on. Given weather, changing road conditions and other drivers, you simply cannot put yourself, your passengers or your vehicle at risk with inadequate tires. Should you need new tires, Hankook's new Ventus S1 Noble2 line has an option for every vehicle.

2- Check Your Brakes

If you missed my intro for this post, please read it again. An even better solution is not to wait for a problem to arise. At winter's end or the beginning of spring take your car in to your trusted mechanic and have them give you an honest evaluation of your brakes. The questions you'll need to ask are:

How much time do I have before the brakes need to be replaced?
How worn down are they?
When do you recommend replacing them (if not, now)?
Do the rotors need to be resurfaced?

A mechanic worth his salt will answer your questions and rather than immediately pushing you to replace your brakes. Should you need to replace your brakes, don't skimp. There are plenty of things you can save money on when having repairs made to your car, the parts that stop your vehicle from moving should not be among them. That trusted mechanic I mentioned will have more than one option available. Ask him or her for the best one for your vehicle and don't hesitate making that purchase.

3- Check Those Wipers

You may need more than the newest "streak-free" windshield wiper fluid to get your windshield clean. There is nothing worse than driving on a bright, sun-shiny day and being blinded by dirt, smudges and streaks left by your windshield wipers. The short video below shows you how to maintain or replace, if necessary, your blades.

There are plenty of other checks and fixes you can make to your vehicle such as cleaning out the cargo bay or trunk of non-essential items, making your sure your fluids are topped off and all your light bulbs are working, but the above are my top three based on my own personal experiences. The reality is that car maintenance isn't cheap. But you can't skimp on yourself or the precious cargo you need to haul around from day to day and for the fun stuff. If you happen to be in the market for a new set of tires like me tire maker, Hankook, is offering a significant rebate on qualifying tires via their 2013 ‘Great Catch’ Mail-in Rebate offer.

Where do you like to go on road trips during the summer? What is your number one suggestion for getting your car summer-ready to hit the road?

This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of Hankook Tires. The opinions and text are all mine.

In The Blink Of An Eye - My Son, The Graduate

noreply@blogger.com (Eric Payne) — Wed, 29 May 2013 15:39:00 +0000

Every so often I'll catch glimpse of it. In my iPhone, in a window and often times at night. I look at it and don't understand it, where it came from, why it exists, who it is and why is it attached to me. It's my face staring back at me asking the same question, maybe for the same reasons. How did I get here? Yesterday I was graduating high school and as lost about life as I wanted to be. Now I'm providing guidance to...children of all people. And I'm viewed a positive and strong. Which, for me on some days, is just outrageously laughable. But maybe this is what the parenting game is all about, often wondering if you're good enough and chasing this pursuit perpetually.

I sit here typing these words understanding that I have no choice in this "growing up" and all the attachments of responsibility that came with it. I guess some people choose not to even when they bring kids into the world, but that was never going to happen with me. I've embraced it all even when I haven't understood them.

There has been an incredible amount of anticipation and tension for one of the culminating moments in our lives as a family --- my son's graduation from high school. I'd been repairing the house and painting it for weeks for the twelve family members who were coming to stay with us. I've been so busy that I haven't blogged in weeks. What's worse, I didn't even have any ideas of what to blog about and worse than that, I didn't care. The twelve arrived and then some more. Then my kitchen sink sprang a leak once everyone was here. I called the plumber but he never showed (I guess he doesn't like money). I finally discovered the leak on my own but not before water began pooling in my garage from two days worth of repeatedly flooding the cabinet beneath the sink. With a wife who is a serious cook and so many people around, there was no way we were not going to be able to use it. In the end I wound up replacing the whole faucet with my father after almost everyone left.
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Monday's With Michelle: Creative Loafing's Atlanta 2013 Culinary Bucket List

noreply@blogger.com (Chef Michelle) — Mon, 13 May 2013 16:03:00 +0000

Happy Monday foodie friends!

On Thursday, April 25th, Creative Loafing introduced it's Atlanta's 2013 culinary bucket list (see the pic below just to get an idea). Definitely worth checking out... lots of yummy eats waiting to be had! Make sure you check it out! And even if you don't reside in Atlanta, please check out the list and see what's comparatively cooking in your stomping grounds.

Which dish are going to mark off your bucket list first? Post your comments below!

Don't forget to visit my Foodie blog for more recipes, food tips and other foodie fun.

Thanks for reading!

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Food Network's Atlanta Food Destinations

noreply@blogger.com (Chef Michelle) — Mon, 06 May 2013 15:24:00 +0000

Hello dear foodie friends, welcome back to Mondays with Michelle!

I don’t know about you, but I am major Food TV junkie. In my down time you will usually find me on the couch watching some of my favorite celebrity chefs do their thing. I particularly enjoy watching the hosts walk through some of my local neighborhoods and sampling yummy treats in restaurants I've either been too or seen passing by. My partner and I always have a hard time deciding what new places to try, so keeping a list of local Food TV favorites is a great place to start. Check out the list below for some of our local “famous” eatery’s and start your Food TV tour asap!

Diners, Drive-ins and Dives, ATL

Gladys Knight’s Chicken and Waffles

Best thing I ever ate

Cupcake Wars

Miss Mamie’s Cupcakes

Have you eaten at any of these Food Network visited restaurants? What was your favorite dish? Post your comments below!

Don't forget to visit my Foodie blog for more recipes, food tips and other foodie fun.

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A Grill-Off Against The Wife #SteakOver

noreply@blogger.com (Eric Payne) — Sun, 05 May 2013 20:19:00 +0000

When it comes to cooking in the kitchen of my home it is an undisputed fact that my wife reigns supreme. And this isn't because she spends all her time in the kitchen. In fact as a Senior Marketing Manager at her company she has been spending the majority of her time checking emails on her phone. Cooking is just something she likes to do. It soothes her and she is a foodie. She spends a good amount of time on Pinterest making the food she likes to pin.

When it comes to the grill it is presumed that I am king in my castle, but that's primarily because I'm the only one who uses it. At family gatherings, parties we throw and just dinner when we want barbecue, she seasons and I fire it up on the grill.

The Challenge

Heading into the weekend, I wondered if we went head to head who would come out on top. I posed the challenge and of course, she was game. With the rainy weekend ahead of us, getting company over would be impossible so I selected the best of all possible impartial judges: my self-indulged, eating food by the package seventeen year-old son. If it's food, he eats it. If the food is good, he eats all of it before any of us get a chance.

Since we haven't had red meat in a while I opted for our barbecue challenge meat to be Walmart's new USDA Choice Premium Steaks, specifically, a lean looking pair of New York Strip steaks. Our recipes are as following:

Steak A - The Wife's Lime-Chile Rub:

a pinch of salt and pepper
a pinch of cayenne powder
a pinch of chili powder
lime juice
butter

The steak was massaged with lime juice, followed by the seasonings and the butter and thrown on the grill for twelve minutes, six minutes each side.

Steak B - E.Payne's Basic Dry Rub:

When it comes to tentpole items, like coffee, hot dogs and steak I don't believe in fanciful I believe in keeping it simple and memorable.

1 teaspoon of cumin
1 teaspoon of pepper
1 teaspoon of steak seasoning (generic anywhere and everywhere)
1 teaspoon of Mediterranean sea salt
1/2 teaspoon of paprika
1/2 lemon
olive oil cooking spray

The steak was rubbed down with the lemon, then the seasonings and the steak were dumped into a gallon-size storage bag and then it was shaken (think Shake and Bake - if you're from that generation) until the seasonings are evenly coated on the steak. After removing the steak from the bag, lightly spray it with olive oil cooking spray on both sides and put on the grill for fifteen minutes (7-8 minutes each side).

The Results

Pictured below from left to right, are Steak A and Steak B. Before sitting down to dinner our son was called from the man cave where he was playing video games and asked to test each. He liked Steak A, but he LOVED Steak B and declared it the winner, citing its crispiness and explosion of flavor with smoke as the reasons for his picking it the winner. Personally, I believe that by not massaging the meat doing the "shake and bake" my steak preserved its original shape and consistency allowing the fire to benefit from the fat that dripped onto it.

Steak A (l); The Champion (r)

I did a little happy dance in the kitchen. My wife smiled briefly in her best effort of sportsmanship and then told us all to get out of her kitchen. After belting out Accapella rendition of Queen's "We Are The Champions" I finished doing my share of cooking. The steaks as well as the rest of the food that had been prepared for the evening were divvied up appropriately and we enjoyed our meal around the table on a rainy Saturday night.

About Walmart USDA Choice Premium Steaks - Just in time for early grilling season and Memorial Day, Walmart is helping shoppers take their grilling up a notch with its top-quality selection of delicious, juicy and tender USDA Choice Premium Beef available in a variety of cuts. Only one in five steaks is good enough to call Walmart Choice Premium Beef, which has been approved by the USDA for quality. For more recipes, tips and to find a store near you, visit www.walmart.com/steak.

Attend A Steak-Over Challenge In Your Town

Local firefighters from eight different cities will compete in the Wal-Mart Steak-Over Challenge presented by Kingsford® Charcoal, Dr. Pepper® and A.1.® steak sauce to determine who has the best steak-grilling chops in town.

Shoppers who attend will have the chance to join in the festivities, taste test Wal-Mart USDA Choice Premium steaks, sample Dr. Pepper and A.1. steak sauce for free, and cast their vote for best steak.

The firefighter finalist from each city will compete on behalf of their station for a $20,000 grand prize in Los Angeles, the week of May 20.

What is your favorite way to grill a steak?

Are you ready to experience Walmart’s Steak-Over for yourself? Find out why you should choose your steaks at Walmart here. We shared our winning grilling tip - now tell us yours!

This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of Walmart. The opinions and text are all mine.

My Greatest Weakness

noreply@blogger.com (Eric Payne) — Fri, 03 May 2013 14:42:00 +0000

A few days ago my daughter asked me what her greatest weakness is. I told her she is very smart. Because of that she sometimes talks more than she listens. She then asked me what her mother's greatest weakness was and I answered, "No comment." She begged and pleaded but I refused to get on that train. She asked about her brother and then asked me what I thought mine is. I told her that until recently I've always had a hard time saying "no" for fear of upsetting and disappointing others. And in the process I've volunteered to do a lot of things I never wanted to do or been trapped in places I never wanted to be. She said, "Well, you tell me no." I laughed and said, "That's different. That's me trying to be a parent and take care of you." She got it.

What is your greatest weakness?

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Parents: You Don't Have To Multitask (All The Time)

noreply@blogger.com (Eric Payne) — Fri, 26 Apr 2013 14:42:00 +0000

This week I personally learned a lesson I thought I already knew. Multitasking is cool (but not exactly natural for humans), but getting things done, one job at a time, is better.

My morning duties include getting the kids' food ready for the day, breakfast and lunch and somehow in the midst of that making my own breakfast and lunch and brewing coffee for my wife and myself. I always take care of the kids, and I'm pretty on point when it comes to the coffee for the wife. But it's been hit or miss whether or not I take care of myself. I often leave the house feeling disorganized and the rest of the time I'm leaving stuff at home, such as my phone, and at my worst, my work laptop.
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The Superhero Complex

noreply@blogger.com (Eric Payne) — Mon, 22 Apr 2013 12:00:00 +0000

What is it about the superhero that so many of us find so fascinating? Everyone isn't a comic book reader and everyone doesn't have a wild imagination, but with the technology of visual effects having caught up with the minds of the artists and writers who put ink to page and brought the characters of our modern day mythology to life, superhero flicks being runaway blockbusters is irrefutable proof that they mean something to most of us. (Side note, that was an incredibly long sentence).

People who know me well know how far and wild my imagination soars. They've seen me pour through the pages of the superhero comics. They've commented that my drive is inexhaustible. But life dictates that you take care of your responsibilities, FIRST. And so I do. And find myself at times terribly confined and unbearably normal.

The superhero complex is an easy one. It isn't about the iron suit, the invulnerability, the ability to fly, the dark rage, the awesome gadgets, the healing factor or the ability to sense danger. These are the mere tools that distinguish one from the other. What marries them all together is their decision, or in some instances, compulsion, to become more than what they previously were or what they thought they were even capable of. When push came to shove these men and women tapped into their essence and used their powers, whether they were derived from birthright, through tragedy or by way of some freak accident, to rise above and make lives or life itself, a little better and a little safer.

And aren't we all capable of the same? But how many of us opt to be terribly ordinary for fear of rocking the boat or having to contend with what others think. How ironic is it that we go out in droves to watch movies about people with extraordinary abilities, when every single one of these characters were created as metaphors that exist in everyday life.

And not to leave the fairer sex out...

We make actors and singers into millionaires --- people who dared to be different and some who probably spent some part of their lives judged and misunderstood. Why can't you be super? Why can't I? What's so complex about being a superhero, other than the fear of embracing your true nature and making life better because of it?

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Jackie Robinson - Legend, Sports Icon, Father

noreply@blogger.com (Eric Payne) — Tue, 16 Apr 2013 19:07:00 +0000

This pic sums it up. But, to learn more about Number 42, click here.

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New Orleans, Beignets, and College Days

noreply@blogger.com (Eric Payne) — Mon, 15 Apr 2013 04:21:00 +0000

Right now, I'm sitting in a hotel lobby just outside the French Quarter siphoning off some free Wi-Fi like everyone around me who is sitting on these oversized, overused, butt-dimpled couches. The warmth of the sun bathes me and partially blinds me as I type these words. It is a motley crew that darts back and forth past my square of comfortable, but posture-damaging furniture. It is a hustle and bustle of the business people heading out or heading home, mixed with the people who are obviously here to have fun.

I'm wrapping up a 3-day hop here to the Big Easy where my son may or may not attend college. He was accepted to the school we attended and what's more, he fell in love with the town. But not the smut or the promise of rivers of alcohol, but rather, the food and the music --- the kids playing big band jazz in the streets, the art, and the food (that's right I wrote it twice). And he seems to be fully aware that college and all that is the French Quarter are two separate things. He's smiling from ear to ear. Constantly. The last time he smiled like this was the year before he became a teen. And he hasn't smiled much at all since we moved to Atlanta. The experience has left me looking at him a little differently and wondering if maybe he's found his space for the next four years.

Time will tell.

I haven't had much time to blog, or Facebook or do anything. This Year of Restoration has been filled with rewards but I have been burdened like never before. Heading up the social media for an entire company has left me scatterbrained by the end of most of my days. Able to retain little, interested in doing less. Bills are piling up around me at every turn although I'm spending nothing and paying them off at a furious pace. Ignorance is bliss I suppose because I didn't have these concerns when I was unemployed and unable to pay my bills.

I've also been repairing my relationship with my wife. Not having money, not having mutual understanding, not having peace, not being able to work together through the tough times did a real number on us. There are days when I've been tempted to ask myself why keep trying, why carry this mantle and then I just keep on carrying. Here in New Orleans I've been able to take my wife out on a couple of dates and we strolled the streets of the French Quarter together as we did many years ago in Brooklyn and Central Park.

To make a long story short I have been way too busy to blog. Instead I've been growing, changing, fighting and reflecting and my life is changing around me.

Please, bear with me.

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How To Plan (And Enjoy) A Family Disney Vacation

noreply@blogger.com (Eric Payne) — Thu, 04 Apr 2013 16:21:00 +0000

Yeah, that's me full tilt on the Disney sauce. It's been almost two weeks since I posed for my wife here (she rolled her eyes as soon as I posed). Although it's only been a short time I feel like I've been gone for centuries. Each day the "magic" fades just a bit more than it did the day before. Of course I am thankful I have the gift of life and I'm gainfully employed but I'm no longer waking up to the sound of the ferry that shipped patrons to Epcot. There are no more smiles that greet me in a ginormous lobby. The traffic I'm in now isn't headed to happy-land. No one is asking me if I'm enjoying myself or if I need anything. I'm not powering up at 9 pm in anticipation of a fireworks show that is better than the one that happened the night before. I'm back to my usual station --- the wonderfully exhilarating but thankless job of being Dad. Dad who isn't buying everything he's being asked for. Dad who is saying, "no" and "go to bed" and "throw out the trash."

By my pic you might think it was my first time there and not my daughter's. She went full tilt on the Princess sauce and didn't have a care in the world. Neither did I and that's a good thing at a place like Disney World where you can wind up spending the equivalent of half a year's worth of mortgage payments or more once the smoke clears. In the eyes of a storyteller (myself) Disney is a monster storytelling machine, selling narratives at every turn from the time you wake up until you return back to your hotel or resort wishing you could do more before morning and excited to get going the next day. Stories, whether written or visual, create the canvas for the mind to imagine and dream. I wasn't about to let something like money get in the way of my daughter's, and to some extent my own, desire to plunge as far down the rabbit hole as possible.

So how did I and how can you experience the Disney Vacation YOU want to have without being left in the poorhouse upon your return to reality?
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How To Deal With Your Spouse's Moods

noreply@blogger.com (Eric Payne) — Mon, 01 Apr 2013 15:27:00 +0000

Sometimes a bad or off-kilter attitude from a loved one or a spouse deserves a moment or two of understanding and/or compassion rather than a dismissal because you can't be bothered. Didn't you sign up to be bothered? But in order to effectively do this you have to be strong enough in heart to soothe rather than react in kind to their dilemma. You also have to be selfless enough to recognize it's not about you --- not always. Next time it happens, because there will always be a next time, don't be so quick to dismiss. Sometimes loving a person means doing so when they aren't being very loving themselves.

Use your power to heal.

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Good Friday?

noreply@blogger.com (Eric Payne) — Fri, 29 Mar 2013 16:53:00 +0000

The roads were clear this morning. There's barely anyone in my office. There's talk of Easter in the air. And it took me half of the ride to my daughter's school for me to realize today is Good Friday.

When I mentioned this aloud to myself in the car my daughter asked, "What is Good Friday?"

I felt terrible as I answered, "The day Jesus died."

Last week we were away at Disney and the weekend before that I attended church alone. This evening my son will be working until closing time at his new job and I expect the highlight of my evening to be my picking him up. I'm not suggesting that my family and I should be piously perched somewhere, mournful. But at least as a child, I knew the significance of the day. My mother wouldn't stand for anything less and we colored eggs and did Easter egg hunts back then too (it wasn't only about church). Fast forward twenty some odd years later and my kids are both in school and oblivious other than pre-Easter sales and Cadbury Bunny commercials.

Then later this morning as I settled into work I read an article about Dr. Ben Carson standing his ground and speaking on his faith. Whether he is right or wrong, he spoke on and will not back down from what he believes. Nowadays when people do this, especially when their sentiments go against the status quo --- something that happened often in Biblical times --- they people are persecuted. Just as they were in Biblical times (albeit it mostly by social media).

Today is Good Friday and my family is barely aware. Based on my beliefs the onus for this error lays squarely at my feet. The trick of guilt or regret is to keep you locked on your mistakes, paralyzing you, so you'll never be correct, mostly because you'll never try again.

I don't intend to be that dude. In your homes I hope you don't either.

If you are able, have a blessed Good Friday.

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Should Victoria's Secret Make Products For Teen Girls?

noreply@blogger.com (Eric Payne) — Wed, 27 Mar 2013 15:53:00 +0000

Yesterday I stumbled across an open letter from a father of a 3-year old girl to Victoria's Secret addressing their launch of a line of underwear for young teen girls. Technology is one thing. Soda, cigarettes and fast food is another. They all can and should be debated, but underwear (lingerie)? You can see the product line here. You decide if you want your daughter wearing these and/or you want some boy or your own boy knowing a girl is wearing these.

To be frank, can't our kids age and struggle and try to get into trouble on their own without the aid and augmentation of retail enterprise? Should a line be drawn? When is enough enough? When do we stop the enterprises that see our kids as nothing more than the next sales crop? Do we write letters, argue with each other on social media or do we simply stop endorsing what we don't support by sternly choosing not to purchase?
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How To Create A Household Budget | INFOGRAPHIC

noreply@blogger.com (Eric Payne) — Tue, 26 Mar 2013 16:12:00 +0000

Having a plan is key to living the kind of life you'd like to live. Upon facing married, parental life, many men complain of not wanting to lose their lifestyle. And most do, not because they have to but because the expense explode, coming from every direction and rather than manage it, spouses like to point fingers at each other.

Having a budget isn't the same as getting on a diet even though dieting simply addresses what you are eating rather than a reduction of what you eat. The same goes for a budget. With a budget you can understand your expenses, understand your income and begin building a road map to financial health and maybe even freedom.

Don't think it's too late. You can always start versus not trying at all. Check out the Infographic below for some helpful tips.

Household budget infographic

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The Magic of Disney

noreply@blogger.com (Eric Payne) — Wed, 20 Mar 2013 14:34:00 +0000

Even driving up to the "gates of the city" last night was magical. Although it was late, the wife and I woke up our daughter (her first time here) so she could know where she was.

It took her a long time to calm down.

Do you remember your first trip to Disney? How old were you, who were you with and what was it like?

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A Public Service Announcement: Marriage Is Not Child's Play

noreply@blogger.com (Eric Payne) — Fri, 15 Mar 2013 14:59:00 +0000

I state the following only because at times I have been guilty of it myself: There is a game of love, but love is not a game. Marriage is not for the faint of heart nor for children. You are in this together for the sake of each other to make two better together than apart. To enjoy life and make it rich in ways money can't provide. It isn't a competition. It isn't about being right and your significant other being wrong. It isn't about you speaking or thinking so highly of yourself that you come to believe you have arrived at your current destination and are doing everything you are doing, by yourself, purely out of your own miraculous, solitary strength and tenacity. When you know good and well on the days you don't even want to get out of bed, he or she is there making things work as best they can while you get it together.

So, if you are somewhere outside of your home constantly complaining about your spouse to people who play no role in your life other than to sit a few desks over from you. And if you are doing nothing to fix your "problems" other than complain to these same people who agree with you because they have no other choice but to since they are only hearing your side of the story --- understand that as a married person you sound and look stupid, you are an embarrassment to your spouse and to what marriage should and ought to be and you are a walking, talking advertisement for single people to remain single.

This has been a public service announcement: Marriage is not child's play. Stop playing games.

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Marital (Sexual) Intimacy

noreply@blogger.com (Eric Payne) — Thu, 14 Mar 2013 16:39:00 +0000

File this under: AHA MOMENT OF THE DECADE

A couple of days ago a woman was complaining to me about her husband when she suddenly interrupted herself and said, "You know I should probably be more intimate with him...We'd probably get along better and it probably would help me from being stressed out. But it's hard."

"There's a reason intimacy is supposed to exist between married folks," I said. "It ain't about some dude, your husband, getting his jollies. It's about solidifying your union and creating a bond (a soul-tie) that only the two of you share. There's a beautiful thing that two people have when they are intimate, especially if they are married."

"But you may want to consider trying and seeing what happens," I advised her. "Who knows, you may actually like it?"

To which she responded, "You're probably right."

More and more I'm hearing from married women who have sworn off sex as if it were something bad, like too much cake and ice cream. I hear them blaming everything plus their husbands as to why they are the way they are. On the other side I'm hearing from an equal number of bewildered and exasperated married men who are running around like desperate men inside their own marriages, desperate for love from their wives. I repeat, desperate for love from their wives --- having no desire to go anywhere but home to their marriage beds. Part of the vows (depending on the ceremony or depending on whether you were listening) is that you give yourselves to one another in marriage. There are things that make marriages work, over the years and through the rough patches. Often getting through the rough patches together create the environment for the good stretches. Sexual intimacy is one of the first things to go when things get tough, even though after communication and genuine TLC it is probably one of the most important tools required for marriage maintenance. Sitting up in a house as roommates sharing kids is no different than roommates or housemates or business partners sitting under the same roof with shared investments. Shared investments do not foster, nurture or nourish love. In fact, shared investments alone usually are the source of most conflicts between people, married or not.

This marriage stuff isn't hard. It just takes work. And it isn't child's play. So if you're playing games, male or female, please stop. What you invest into, grows (for better or worse). What you ignore and neglect, withers and dies.

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