Makes You Laugh - Cry Without It

Google vs Microsoft vs Yahoo

2009-11-11T19:15:00.000+08:00

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Grocery Store Musical

2009-11-10T18:39:00.000+08:00

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A Butt Joke

2009-11-09T18:34:00.001+08:00

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.

While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" "Now what?" asks the patron. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!"

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Just The Perfect Guy

2009-11-08T19:03:00.000+08:00

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Funny Budweiser Commercial - Worst Day

2009-11-07T19:10:00.000+08:00

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Immediate Answer

2009-11-06T18:56:00.000+08:00

Tony was the laziest student in his class.
One day, he was so happy and running towards his father; daddy, daddy, I answered my math teacher’s question today.
Since his daddy (Jack) knew his son and his laziness, he asked; what was your teacher’s question son?
His son said; our teacher asked me: Where is the duster? I said; I don’t know.

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Funny Fail Pictures (2)

2009-11-05T18:31:00.000+08:00

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Outrageous Pictures Compilation

2009-11-04T18:38:00.001+08:00

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Having a Bad Day?

2009-11-03T18:48:00.000+08:00

Having a Bad Day?

Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back, flippers, and face mask. A post-mortem revealed that the person died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification.

Investigators set about to determine how a fully clad diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire. It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the person went for a diving trip off the coast some 20 miles from the forest. The fire-fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and then flown to the forest fire and emptied. You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next he was doing the breast stroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in the air.

Apparently he extinguished exactly 5'10? of the fire. Some days it just doesn’t pay to get out of bed - (This article was taken from the California Examiner, March 20, 1998)

STILL THINK YOU ARE HAVING A BAD DAY?

A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle when it accidentally slipped into gear. The man, still holding onto the handle bars, was dragged through the glass patio doors and along with the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house.
The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room and found her husband lying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle lying next to him, and the shattered patio door. The wife ran to the phone and summoned the ambulance. Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of stairs to the street to escort the paramedics to her husband.

After the ambulance arrived and transported the man to the hospital, the wife righted the motorcycle and pushed it outside. Seeing that gas was spilled on the floor, the wife got some paper towels, blotted up the gasoline, and threw the towels in the toilet. The man was treated and released to come home. Upon arriving home, he looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle.

He became despondent, went to the bathroom, sat down on the toilet and smoked a cigarette. After finishing the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into the toilet bowl, while seated. The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard the loud explosion and her husband screaming.

She ran into the bathroom and found her husband lying on the floor. His trousers had been blown away and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of his legs, and his groin. The wife again ran to the phone to call the ambulance. The very same paramedic crew was dispatched and the wife met them at the street. The paramedics loaded the husband on to the stretcher and began carrying him to the street.
While they were going down the stairs to the street accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had burned himself. She told them and the paramedics started laughing so hard, one of them slipped and tipped the stretcher, dumping the husband out. He fell down the remaining stairs and broke his arm - Taken from a Florida Newspaper.

STILL HAVING A BAD DAY?

Just remember, it could be worse…

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two places. Until that moment he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn Germany. Suddenly the pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death.

And finally…

Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn’t pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with “return to sender” stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb he opened it and was blown to bits!!! Poetic Justice…

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[Mature] Sexual Calorie Counter

2009-11-02T19:01:00.000+08:00

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Free Car Wash Strategy

2009-11-01T18:54:00.000+08:00

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Widow

2009-10-31T18:43:00.000+08:00

Joyce referred to Food Stamp office to seek for Food Stamp benefits if eligible?
Joyce: Please help me, please help me. I am a widow with 3 kids and my husband died 8 years ago.
Case Worker: Could you please tell me how old your kids are?
Joyce: My oldest kid is 5 years old, my second kid is 3 years old and my last kid is 1 year old.
Case Worker got surprised and asked the widow; you told me that your husband died 8 years ago, then how comes, you have 5, 3 and 1 year old kids.
Widow: My husband died not me.

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A True Act of Courage

2009-10-30T19:08:00.000+08:00

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Very Funny Animals

2009-10-29T19:07:00.000+08:00

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AT THE SUPERMARKET

2009-10-28T19:01:00.000+08:00

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on.

Finally he went to the check-out line, but she got in front of him. "Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who I haven't seen in a long time."

"That's a shame," replied the young man, "is there anything I can do for you?"

"Yes," she said, "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Good bye, Mother!'? It would make me feel so much better."

"Sure," answered the young man. So, when the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye, Mother!"

As he stepped up to the check-out counter, he saw that his total was $127.50. "How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!"

The clerk replied, "Your mother said that you would pay for her."

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Creative & Hilarious Toilet Signs (3)

2009-10-27T18:41:00.000+08:00

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Iron Ball

2009-10-26T18:55:00.002+08:00

OLD WOMAN WHO HAS A BABY

2009-10-25T18:47:00.000+08:00

With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family. When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says, "Not yet."

A little later they ask to see the baby again. Again the mother says, "Not yet."

Finally they say, "When can we see the baby?"

And the mother says, "When the baby cries."

So they ask, "Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?"

The new mother says, "I forgot where I put it."

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De-Motivation: Rock Bottom

2009-10-24T19:01:00.000+08:00

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Funny ads compilation [2 of 8]

2009-10-23T18:55:00.001+08:00

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Toddler Law

2009-10-22T18:55:00.000+08:00

1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my hands, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a week ago, it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it looks just like mine, it's mine.
8. If I think it's mine, it's mine.
9. If it it's near me, it's mine.
10.If it's broccoli, it's yours..

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A Woman Can Change Your Goal

2009-10-21T18:47:00.000+08:00

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Hidden Camera - Without Head

2009-10-20T19:17:00.000+08:00

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Man, Monkeys & Greed

2009-10-19T18:47:00.001+08:00

Once upon a time in a place overrun with monkeys, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each. The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest, and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, they became harder to catch, so the villagers stopped their effort.

The man then announced that he would now pay $20 for each one. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again. But soon the supply diminished even further and they were ever harder to catch, so people started going back to their farms and forgot about monkey catching. The man increased his price to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so sparse that it was an effort to even see a monkey, much less catch one.

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys for $50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on his behalf.

While the man was away the assistant told the villagers. ‘Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has bought. I will sell them to you at $35 each and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each.’

The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the monkeys. They never saw the man nor his assistant again and once again there were monkeys everywhere.

That concludes your lesson on how the stock market works.

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Seeing Doubles (2)

2009-10-18T19:19:00.000+08:00

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