Many people struggle silently at the intersection of three things: emotional pain, work or financial stress, and complicated relationships.

Each one alone is hard. Together, they can overwhelm even the most resilient person. The mind spins, the body tightens, and suddenly everything feels urgent, even though nothing feels fixable or the person collapses under the weight of it all. When I’m in such a place, I don’t try to solve my life. I try to hold it.

And, it’s where my Grid method and framework help. Not as a productivity system, but as a way to slow things down, reduce pressure and overwhelm, and add clarity so the mind and body can respond instead of feel triggered.

We don’t solve anything by force. Clarity has a magical way of softening problems. Small actions help reduce them.

Grid builds a container for the life we carry, helping us face it without being overwhelmed by it.

This article explains why the problem with everything feeling a bit much is essentially due to overload with practical ideas on how to resource it.

Learn more about the Grid here. And if you need help to walk the path, explore how RISE Circles could bring additional structure to your human journey.

The problem isn’t failure, it’s overload

Emotional distress narrows our capacity. Financial strain keeps the nervous system on edge as it hits into our need for safety.

Relational uncertainty touches into attachment and belonging because close relationships are a primary way we feel emotionally safe and valued.

When we’re unclear where we stand, those same attachment bonds come under threat and raise fears of rejection or exclusion.

When these overlap, it’s common to feel:

• Anxiety or worry without a clear cause
• Pressure to “figure things out” before we’re ready
• A sense that we’re falling behind in multiple directions at once
• Grief inside love

None of this means the person is weak. It does mean they are not connected to sufficient resources to feel safe.

It’s where taking the Grid approach can make a massive difference on your own or with the help of a Grid Coach.

Some people also benefit from having a year of reflection, recalibration and true human support through our RISE Circles.

Learn more about the Grid Method
for Health and Results

Learn more about our RISE Circles

Why big solutions don’t help in fragile moments

When we’re overwhelmed, advice that says “fix your finances,” “define the relationship,” or “plan your future” often makes things worse.

Clarity requires safety.

Safety comes before certainty.

In moments like this, the goal isn’t progress. It’s containment.

The goal is not to suppress feelings, make the problem seem smaller or pretend it’s not there. What helps is compassionate presence that can regulate us inside by giving everything a means to get organized in space, time, and with limits. And this is where Grid can help. This way all that feels too much need not blend into one giant overwhelming blob but can be localized into places and tasks that require our attention and focus.

Using the Grid framework even at the macro level of four quadrants restores clarity and emotional safety by first and foremost reminding us to self-care. Makes space for critical self care we need to navigate complexity is essential. Only when we feel more regulated can focus return and wise action follow.

A practical four quadrants Grid way to gently organize life

Instead of asking “What should I do with my life?” or reaching for the duvet to avoid having to face it all, we ask “How can I touch each part of my life lightly today?”

1. The Personal / Relational life Grid Quadrant

This is where love, grief and loss, and much uncertainty live together.
Rather than forcing decisions, allow yourself to:

• Notice and connect with the people already present in your life.
• Name what you feel without acting on it.
• Accept that love can be real without guarantees.
• Stay present to all that is happening and trust your presence is enough.
• Share honestly how you feel with one safe person.

Sometimes the work here is simply acknowledging what is, naming what hurts, and clarifying what you need.

2. The Self-care Grid Quadrant

Forget optimization and think regulation. When emotional and financial stress pile up, the body needs safety signals:

• Regular food, even if simple.
• Sleep without guilt.
• Gentle movement or daylight.
• Fewer numbing behaviors such as mindless Instagram scrolling, binge watching, substance use, emotional shutdowns, compulsive eating or not eating, risk-taking behaviours for a quick rush or avoidance via ghosting, procrastination, or over-caretaking of others to distract from internal distress.
• Something simple yet beautiful to remind us we’re special – fresh flowers, fresh bed sheets, lighting a candle, listening to gentle music, a cup of tea, journaling, a warm bath or hot shower, dressing in something cozy, looking at art or nature.

Self-care isn’t indulgence here, it’s critical infrastructure.

3. The Work/Money Grid Quadrant

Financial stress becomes unbearable when it’s vague. Instead of solving money, try to:

• Make the situation concrete.
• Separate urgent needs from future worries.
• Gentle movement or daylight.
• Choose one small, doable step.
• Ask for flexibility where you can.
• Stop spending!

Contain the problem so it stops leaking into everything else. Work is out there. Consider where and how you can help others and make adding value your goal, not money.

4. The Career/Future Grid Quadrant

This is often where anxiety disguises itself as planning. In fragile seasons:

• Avoid forcing long-term clarity.
• Treat uncertainty as information, not failure.
• Keep curiosity alive without pressure
• Remember this season isn’t the whole story
• Notice what is naturally unfolding for you instead of forcing what is not flowing just yet.

The future doesn’t always need decisions right this instant. Often, it needs room to become.

Anchor moments instead of vague promises with a daily Grid structure

A closing reminder and practical next step

Here’s something I often remind clients about that I keep front and center in my own life:

• You don’t need to fix your life to deserve peace.
• You don’t need certainty to be worthy of love.
• You don’t need answers to be doing enough.
• You don’t need things to work today to be successful.

Sometimes balance is simply touching each part of your life gently, and then resting long enough to notice yourself being alive and having the experience. And slow is not stuck. Contained is miles away from defeat. And this, whatever it is, will pass. The key is to show up.

Practical ways to help you be well and do well

If getting some more personal and human support could help, consider joining our RISE Circles or reach out for 1:1 bespoke support.

The post A gentle way to organize life when everything feels like too much appeared first on Make Time Count.

If the idea of committing to something for 12 months feels daunting — you’re not alone. But research shows that lasting change doesn’t happen in a weekend. It happens when identity, support and reflection intersect over time.

Over the last weeks I have been asking myself why would anyone choose to join a year-long group experience such as my RISE Circles, when there are shorter programs, workshops, and quick resets? And, I’ve been asking my last year’s group about it as well. The short answer is this:

We don’t struggle from a lack of insight.
We struggle because life interrupts good intentions.

A longer container allows space for vital reflection, recalibration, and
support across time, even if things change or life gets messy,
not just when motivation is high.

A 12-month commitment to a group then is essentially choosing continuity.

Explore how RISE Circles create this long-term support container.

This article shares when and why committing to something for 12-month makes sense and when it doesn’t. I’d love to hear about your experience and thoughts on such commitments via comments.

Change Happens Over Time, Not All at Once

I’ve been to all sorts of training and coaching programs where the focus was often on starting strong. I walked away inspired and topped up with knowledge that quickly went away or got locked up in some notebook or a drawer.

But what helped me most in practice was staying connected to what mattered when things got busy, uncertain, or messy.

A 12-month circle of supports:

• steady reflection rather than quick fixes
• accountability when momentum dips
• learning how to return to yourself again and again

It’s designed for sustainability, not urgency.

This is exactly why we designed RISE Circles: to allow reflection, recalibration and support over time.

Learn more about our RISE Circles

Depth and Trust Take Time and Build Character

In any group, the first encounter with others tends to be cautious. People share what feels safe. They test the water. Some prefer to listen. But over time, trust deepens and something different becomes possible:

• more honest shares
• real listening
• being understood without having to explain everything

The longer arc of a group staying together develops trust and trust is what makes meaningful conversations possible.

The value isn’t just the group sessions and being together.

It’s being together and becoming known over time. RISE Circles creates this trust-building rhythm, not just one-off connection.

From Insight to Integration

When was the last time insight really changed your behavior in a way that made it last? Too often, knowing something doesn’t change how we live. Change happens through repetition:

• noticing patterns
• being gently challenged or warmly encouraged to keep going
• practicing new ways of responding and getting invaluable human perspective on things.

A year-long circle supports identity-level shifts not just ideas, but lived experience.

The work becomes about the most powerful breakthrough: becoming someone who relates to life differently with greater coherence and consistency.

The Psychology Behind a 12-Month Commitment in 5 Key Insights

Why commit to a full year? Research in psychology and behavioral science shows that lasting change takes time. Here’s why a longer container works:

1. Habits take time to form. New behaviors don’t become automatic overnight. Studies suggest it can take months of consistent practice for change to stick. A 12-month rhythm gives space for repeated action and reinforcement.
2. Social support boosts follow-through. Shared accountability in a group setting significantly increases engagement and persistence. Regular check-ins and peer support help people notice progress, overcome obstacles, and maintain motivation.
3. Long-term benefits are sustained. Interventions that include ongoing engagement often show lasting effects 12 months later. Integration of learning is stronger when there’s time to reflect, apply, and adjust in real life.
4. Integration is a process, not an event. Insight alone isn’t enough. Repetition, reflection, and practice over months allow new patterns to become part of daily life — not just ideas in your head.
5. Identity and reinforcement deepen commitment. Over time, repeated action helps behaviors become part of who you are. Long-term engagement shifts motivation from “I should do this” to “I am someone who does this,” making change more resilient.

These principles are what make RISE Circles structure effective not just a long program, but a psychologically informed container.

One Decision, Ongoing Support

Paradoxically, longer commitments once made can feel lighter as they eliminate the search for more. When you commit for a year:

• you stop re-deciding every month
• you stop searching for the next solution
• you relax into the process and actually start focusing all that energy on something real.

The circle becomes a steady reference point, something you can rely on to be there for you.

An Anchor in a Busy Life

At its best, a support circle doesn’t feel like another task. Instead, it becomes:

• a pause point
• a place to recalibrate
• an anchor in a busy life.

Over time, participants often find it helps them navigate everything else with more clarity and steadiness.

Is Our 12-Month RISE Circle Right for You?

RISE Circles tend to work well for people who:

• like reflecting over time and having a place to return to
• are curious about what’s present for them now, and curious about how things are shifting
• value learning from others’ experiences, not just their own
• benefit from gentle accountability and shared structure to keep them progressing
• want to be supported over time, not just inspired once
• enjoy having a structure and plan that makes it easier to follow through

It may not be the right fit if you prefer:

• working entirely on your own
• have a schedule that changes unpredictably for regular attendance
• fast decision-making support

A 12-month circle is about choosing not to carry everything alone for a year. This means that RISE Circles work best for people who value reflection, connection and shared learning. If you’re curious about whether this kind of container fits your life right now, you’re welcome to explore RISE Circles or reach out with questions. No pressure. Just clarity.

Next steps

If you recognise these psychological patterns in your own life — delaying your own needs, getting inspired but losing momentum, knowing what matters but not acting on it — you’re exactly the kind of person RISE Circle supports.

Other ways to support you doing well and being well

The post The psychology and benefit of a 12-Month Circle (When Most of Us Wouldn’t Commit) appeared first on Make Time Count.

Tools, therapy and hope for recovering from childhood trauma, adults with attachment wounds and how to build healthier connections.

Healing from early attachment wounds is not just possible—it is essential. But the path is not easy. It requires immense courage, self-honesty, and support from safe, emotionally present others.

To truly heal, one must confront not only the pain but the strategies that developed to manage it. Strategies that once protected and now imprison. Strategies that attracted love only to undermine it.

The first step in healing is recognition. Acknowledging that the way you relate to others—and to yourself—might be shaped by early experiences is powerful. This means naming the patterns: avoidance, people-pleasing, perfectionism, fear of intimacy, control and withdrawal. It means gently but truthfully confronting how these patterns affect your life and the people who want to love you.

Grief of early losses you survived in your childhood is a necessary part of the process. You must grieve the love you didn’t get, the safety you never had, the childhood that asked you to cope on your own, shrink, perform, or disappear. In that grief lies the door to reparenting yourself—to become the caregiver you needed and one you can now rely on 100% of the time. One who sees you, affirms your worth, and lets you feel love without fear that stifles your spark. Only then will you actually bank the love that others bestow on you.

Therapy is often a necessary part of this journey. Not because you are broken, but because healing in relationship is the antidote to being hurt by people you trusted and loved unconditionally. Imagine – if giving all that to your caregivers didn’t make it right, how can you believe your love will ever be enough for anyone? But a therapist will help you find a safe space to experience trust, attunement, and the slow rebuilding of a coherent, confident self in your body. They will give you a felt sense of it that you can nurture and bring to people you love and want to cherish. Therapy is also your safe space to practice skills and open up about how you feel and what you need. A place where you can review your real world relationships and ensure you’re being loved in healthy ways you richly deserve. In time, your individual therapy can also invite your partners and children or other family members. Part of healthy attachment includes healthy endings that are hard to carry out unless you address your core wounds. Too much shame and guilt will rob you of this important healing, leaving you and others in a lurch.

Your commitment to working things out

You will also have to commit to regular practice of showing up in your life in new ways. That might mean staying emotionally present in moments of conflict instead of retreating. Setting boundaries with people who caused your original harm until you can safely be with them even when this terrifies you or they want you to “get over it”. It might mean allowing yourself to be seen—messy, real, unguarded and trusting that you’re enough. That your sweat pants, crazy hair or choice of clothing won’t be criticised or undermined.

You will have to commit to seeking connection and sharing your world with others. And letting yourself feel joy instead of being on guard when others want to connect with you. In my work – I call this work heart softening. You’re not “sensitive”, you’re hurt by people whose job and responsibility was to protect you. You will have to remember that what you’ve been devoted to defending with fury and might was NOT love. It was you guarding against the pain, wounding and disappointment you survived as a child. Every subsequent relational failure only compounded the feeling making you want to escape and withdraw before it happens. You’ve been living inside a prison and now hold the keys to set yourself free.

Healing also involves reclaiming joy and play. Trauma teaches us that emotional connection is dangerous, that vulnerability is weakness and that joy is rare when the opposite is true when we feel safe. Healing teaches us that excitement and a natural spark is a visible sign of connective health. To be spontaneous, creative, or simply content—these are acts of resistance against old messages that said you were too much or not enough, too needy and too sensitive, too quiet or too strange. Where in the past you may have been beaten or bullied for these qualities, being truly loved puts you in the place of seeing them as the very things that make you special and unique. But for this to be true and to feel that way on the inside, you must first heal.

Forgiveness (self and others)

You’ll also need to forgive—not to excuse what was done to you, but to release the power it holds. Forgiveness here means no longer orienting your identity around your pain. It means creating space for who you are becoming. It means putting distance between the people who originally harmed you so that their need for redemption does not become your burden to carry. Parents who seek forgiveness from the children they hurt are still trapping them in patterns of control that caused the problem in the first place. We are often too quick to jump into forgiveness but without doing the healing work we simply get ourselves into a bind with the people who harmed us.

I experienced a big rupture in my relationships with my father and it took me over a decade to heal from it. For the last few years my father and I are renegotiating as two adults as well as a father-daughter duo. My ex-partner and I made a conscious effort after our divorce to rebuild our relationship as friends and I am still in touch with that family. Healthy attachment respects the resolution of love bonds. People change but love does not when it’s attended to. What creates harm and kills love are harmful behaviours – rejection, abandonment, withdrawal, apathy, and ghosting. Such activities can only wound or retrigger past hurts.

If you’ve hurt others in your wounded state—as we all can and will do—it means owning your part with compassion and humility. Not self-loathing. Not justification. Just honest accountability paired with a deep commitment to learn and grow. Those who love you, truly love you, will recognize your effort if you’re being sincere. And even if they cannot stay, your healing is still a worthwhile way to honour the love you shared.

Who to take with you on your healing journey

Finally, surround yourself with people who reflect not just your pain, but also your potential. People who see your light and tell you when you’re shining. People who love you and remind you that you are more than what happened to you. People who trust you with their heart as that is the most precious gift anyone will ever give you. Treat it like the gold it is.

If you have friends or partners who can hold you accountable —who will have courage to tell you when your behavior is out of line cherish them. It takes a lot of courage to speak the truth. And, it’s far easier to encourage you to ignore your healing.

Those who tell you the truth aim to help you recover the person they know and love and want to be with. People who forgive you when you mess up, who will still offer you a hug when you need it, who stay even when your behavior should send them packing – these are the people who often know or learned themselves that healing isn’t linear. If they have loved you through every jagged curve of your becoming they deserve your love and respect.

Healing will turn your wounds into identity scars. One where love becomes safe, and intimacy becomes possible from the core of your being because you finally get what love is and how to share it. You will no longer need to deceive yourself and others. You will actually feel at ease. I know this may sound like something you can’t imagine but trust me. I have seen it happen and I have been in places where my heart broke and I felt in pieces.

The journey may seem long but is far shorter than you think. You will feel better as soon as you commit to address your core wounding and to loving the things your wounds won’t let you love but which your heart want to touch and feel.

Practical activity

And here is something practical I often do with my clients.

Take a pen and paper and draw your family system as a simple cartoon picture or a stick figure drawing. Include the people who were there—parents, siblings, grandparents—and draw the context: where were you living, what was happening in the environment? Were you ina place of transition? Was the home rich, chaotic, calm, violent?

Now locate yourself in the picture. Are you central? Peripheral? Are others paying attention to you, or are you overlooked, ignored, dismissed, or scapegoated?

Notice how old you are and how it feels to be you in your body? Who in that picture paid attention to how you felt? Who was concerned by your distress and how did they react to it? Who comforted you? Who offered you a reassuring hug without you having had to ask for one?

Who made you feel seen and supported when you cried or were confused? Who encouraged your talents without tying your worth to outcomes? Who gave you dedicated one-to-one time in which you got to do things together that helped you grow?

Who welcomed your emotions and helped you make sense of your world without losing patience or feeling annoyed by your emotions or realities?

Who got you in a way that made it easy to relate with them emotionally about how you were feeling?

Families come in various shapes and sizes. And attachment is not a perfect science. It is an art. This exercise often reveals deep truths. It is not about judging your family, but about understanding the people and characters that shaped your emotional world. The commitments that helped you gain solid foundations for healthy emotional relating. Use it to recognize your human resources. Note what may have been missing, and where you might still be seeking resolution.

A note on generations

The emotional wounds we carry—and the ways we try to heal them—don’t happen in isolation. Many of us were raised by parents who themselves were shaped by war, poverty, political repression, or survivalist values. Their way of loving may have been steeped in stoicism, silence, or control—not because they didn’t care or did not get healthy attachment in their households, but because it was the only language of care they knew.

But here’s the paradox. In response to getting less than we needed, Gen X and Millennial parents have tried to overcorrect. This leads to parents who over-identify with their children, blur boundaries, and try to spare them every discomfort. Without realizing it, this also creates new forms of emotional dependence. The resulting enmeshment, while rooted in love and good intention, can rob children of resilience and healthy autonomycrippling their confidence and self-worth. It can make them anxious, reactive, and afraid of healthy separation or needing to create lives that conform to the narrative they absorbed or fulfil their parental aspirations for success, adventure, love. This risks kids essentially not living their own lives.

Parting thoughts

We all protect ourselves from failure, hurt and humilitation. But imagine growing up with a message that no matter what you did your essential self was somehow inadequate or less than. That the people you had every right to expect to love and care for you, inadvertedly ended up discounting, minimizing, or shaming you sending you a clear message “You must change!”. The wounding cuts deep. If one survives early difficulties, there are many parts inside that take a solemn woe, “We will not risk getting hurt like that ever again!”. And while the hurt happened in the past, its legacy continues to play out in the present. No good can ever come from it. Like a person battling secred ghosts.

Healing, then, is not just about reclaiming our own stories. It’s about learning to love others—especially our children—without losing ourselves. It’s about choosing connection over control, presence over perfection, and boundaries over enmeshment. Only then can we give the next generation what many of us never had: a foundation of love that empowers them to stand on their own.

No amount of healing can erase the past but it can create a new story alongside it. One where scars are not shameful but sacred. One where love becomes safe, and intimacy becomes possible because self-deception stops. One where you know—deeply, undeniably—that you are enough and you are loved for the person you are and have been. The person you won’t let yourself see because you still don’t believe that version of you is good enough!

All you have to do is decide to come home to yourself.

How do you know you’re heading in the right direction?

Look at yourself in the mirror and say “I love you” and see how this lands inside your body.

Love is love. But without self-love there can be no love anywhere else. So go gently. Bring compassion to yourself and all people everywhere who missed out on early safety, coziness and warmth that set the foundation for growth and emotional connection. But know this – it is never too late to heal. For more visualizations and guided meditations to aid you in this journey follow my YouTube channel.

Your next steps

If you’re ready to begin to soften your heart and start forging beautiful emotional connections, we have two free worksheets for you to download. Sign up to our newsletter today and receive your downloadable worksheets by email.

Forge strong emotional connections

Sign up to our newsletter today and receive your downloadable worksheets by email.

START NOW

The post Not Your Friend, Part 3: Healing Attachment Wounds and Learning to Love Safely appeared first on Make Time Count.

How image-conscious, emotionally avoidant behavior can break even the most loving relationships.

As adults, the wounds from early emotional neglect don’t simply disappear. They take on new forms—forms that may be harder to detect but no less damaging. The coping mechanisms once used to survive childhood often evolve into defensive, controlling, or manipulative behaviors that ruin many perfectly healthy adult relationships.

Those who carry deep attachment wounds may appear put together,interested and wanting love, and even empathic. But there is something more hidden and subtle underneath. A quiet going along that begins to seed ever greater internal resistance and war-like quality.

On the outside these individuals shy away from conflict and appear to just want to love. They often claim they do not seek much and yet secretly they crave recognition and actualization they never got a sense of as a child in their bones. This makes them easy prey to people who stroke their egos over those who truly see them and love them.

These individuals behave very selfishly. They can be very image-conscious. They often win recognition obliquely as this approach feels safer. They may champion the oppressed but they are essentially championing and seeking to redeem their own troubled history. What they need is therapy to address the original wounds, losses and grief but, they often resist therapy at all costs. It may simply feel too scary or hook into the anger and sadness they wish to avoid feeling.

Driven by fear, they tend to stick to existing routines and old coping mechanism that aided survival but which won’t offer healing. You may find them conforming to people whose authority they fear – parents or other adults that caused them harm as kids- while secretly resenting their power and influence. You may catch them saying one thing but find their actions do not match the words unless what’s happening serves their interests or affirms the image they want to cultivate.

There is often a shallow veneer that masks the true depth blocked through childhood attachment wounding. For adults with avoidant attachment, appearing right to others is everything. They will do this at any cost, even if they have to twist facts and rewrite history. They fear embarrassment far more than failure, and they shrink themselves rather than risk being misunderstood. They are imprisoned by the imagined gaze of others and the trap of “what will others think”, stifling their self-expression through internalized shame and need for peace at any price.

They may seem agreeable, polite, and often well put-together. But their inner world is one of uncertainty and emotional turmoil, high-level anxiety and bouts of depression that stifles playfulness, spontaneity, or true intimacy. They struggle to voice desires, assert needs, or express discontent because the skill and tolerance to do these things is something they never got to learn and feel safe in. This means that their agreeableness is often more a compliance. It strives for peace while being fear-led which makes them frustrated and angry. They’re not concerned with being praised—they’re terrified of being seen as flawed. It’s what they believe inside because of early childhood neglect, abandonment and emotional rejection.

Disconnect creates more of the same

This kind of emotional wounding creates profound loneliness and disconnection. Such people are not high-functioning in the traditional sense. Their avoidance limits their growth and damages others who love them. Their relationships lack depth because vulnerability feels unsafe and sincere relating is blocked. There is an illusion of emotional connection that the mask they rarely take off won’t allow to deepen. Their internal life is often marked by obsessive self-monitoring, spirals of shame, and an endless loop of self-reproach and correction. Even the smallest social misstep haunts them and any comment that isn’t praise lands as harsh criticism.

These patterns are exhausting for everyone. The pursuit of trying to “get it right” only deepens the wound as no one gets things right all the time. But for them, the alternative translates into “failure”, “not being good enough” or “never being enough”. They project these fears as blame onto others. If you love a person with this sort of wounding, you will find them confusing and doubt yourself as these dynamics are incredibly complex.

To begin healing, they must confront their defensive avoidant mask. Letting go of that protection requires great deal of courage and some pretty deep personal development work. And yet, it’s the only path toward the depth of love and connection they secretly long for.

Recognizing the signs

If you’re in a relationship with someone who carries deep attachment wounds, or if this describes you, here are patterns to look out for—both as red flags and calls for compassion and support:

• Gaslighting, often subtle—shifting blame, denying reality.
• A persistent victim mentality: “I’m not as clever,” “I’ll never be like you.”, “I’ve got little to offer.”
• Seeing differences between people and styles of relating as roadblocks instead of opportunities to grow in connection.
• Negative spiraling—turning small issues into emotional catastrophes. You may find them say things like “I hate how I look” or “I’m not good at anything” or “I am better off dead”.
• Difficulty taking responsibility, using humor or sarcasm to deflect when their actions caused harm.
• Sexual inconsistency—either a very high or very low sex drive.
• Avoidance of daily responsibilities—procrastination, disconnection and escapism.
• Repeated reassurance-seeking, often from multiple sources to soothe their poor self-esteem.
• Inability to internalize praise or believe compliments.
• Surface-level politeness masking deep emotional insecurity.
• Hyper-sensitivity to rejection—walking on eggshells becomes the norm to avoid causing offence.
• Competativeness where they want and need to match you to feel they have self-worth.
• Anger or aggression used to create distance and control through fear they find familiar.
• Lack of empathy or resistance when others express emotional needs or ask for help.
• Difficulty recognizing or celebrating progress or wins that they did not create alone.
• Refusal to engage in emotionally vulnerable conversations and bottom things out.
• “Convenient amnesia” about shared experiences, especially good ones skewing experience towards negative bias.
• Rewriting of narratives and shifting blame to others as projections.
• Ghosting when given feedback that challenges them or their world view.

These behaviors are not just difficult—they are harmful. If left unaddressed, they can fracture even the most securely attached partner. Over time, the stress of trying to maintain connection with someone who is emotionally avoidant and reactive will raise anxiety, tire, and make one think they’re crazy. Without getting help, people with attachment wounds end up repeating the same harm as those who wounded them while saying that all they mean to do is “love”. This may go on for years unless someone spots the pattern and calls it out. But often when this happens, the guilt and shame of the dynamic will make them abandon the relationship.

Broken people—without reflection or conscious effort to address their attachment wounds—can and will break those who love them.

If you’re reading this and think how sad, you’re right. It is very sad. If this sounds like you or someone you know and love give yourself a compassionate pause. You’re dealing with very complex dynamics. You may also benefit from this loving kindness meditation.

I encourage you to learn more about Internal Family System (IFS) model and therapy or EFIT therapy from S. Johnson. You may want to seek an IFS-trained therapist or get in touch with me but do not for a minute think you can do this alone! We heal in relationship with people who can help us see our wounds and who can help us care for them.

In Part 3 of this series, we will look in more depth at why and how healing is the best investment in yourself you will ever make.

Part 3: The Healing

Discover what real healing looks like plus try a practical exercise to explore your family of origin—and the kind of people you need to walk beside you so you can reclaim a life rooted in self-worth, vulnerability, and healthy connection that builds lasting love.

Your next steps

If you’re ready to begin to soften your heart and start forging beautiful emotional connections, we have two free worksheets for you to download. Sign up to our newsletter today and receive your downloadable worksheets by email.

Forge strong emotional connections

Sign up to our newsletter today and receive your downloadable worksheets by email.

START NOW

The post Not Your Friend, Part 2: The Avoidant Mask and Hidden Damage in Adulthood appeared first on Make Time Count.

Understanding how early attachment wounds shape our fears, self-worth, and relationships as adults

The legacies of neglectful and/or overbearing parents often boil down to one thing: attachment.

When children experience inconsistency in emotional safety, control, and connection, their ability to trust themselves, their feelings, and the world around them is compromised.

Children rely on their caregivers to help them feel secure, seen, and understood. Without this foundational safety, they grow up questioning their own value and emotional reality. Not every child from such backgrounds becomes a narcissist, but many develop traits that are very similar as survival strategies: attention-seeking, manipulation, and lack of empathy for others. These patterns are rooted in low self-esteem, insecure attachments (anxious or avoidant), and often, conflict-avoiding and people-pleasing behaviours born out of a desperate need for love and connection they did not get.

Love becomes confusing

Love, when finally offered, becomes the most triggering experience of all. It doesn’t feel safe; it feels terrifying. Children raised without attuned care often develop intense fears of connection. They crave it deeply and often attract people who want to love them yet reject it instinctively sooner or later. The loving behavior of others, rather than soothing them, provokes anxiety and reawakens past defense mechanisms. Emotional withdrawal, codependency, shame, guilt, and deep feelings of inferiority become the norm.

These children often internalize the chaos of their caregivers. A child might think, “If only I were better, my mommy wouldn’t drink,” or, “If I didn’t cry, Daddy wouldn’t get so mad.” The child absorbs blame, eroding their self-worth. Their developing identity becomes tied not to being inherently lovable and whole, but to meeting expectations: earning praise, getting good grades, being good, and making their parents proud.

But children need to be loved simply for being children: sweet, curious, afraid, messy, vulnerable, and deliciously human, just like adults. That unconditional acceptance is often missing in dysfunctional homes. Instead, children are taught that being emotional is a problem. Crying is punished. Fear is mocked. Vulnerability is ignored. Emotional protests are punished or labelled as “dramatic”. The message is clear: “You are only safe if you suppress how you feel and what you need.”

This creates a confusing paradox. Children both love and fear their parents. They long to be close, but the very bond that should nourish them feels like a threat. They’re torn between pleasing their caregivers and preserving a fragile sense of self and love bond to them. Their core need is to feel secure—to have a safe emotional home. But when that home is unpredictable or dangerous, the child builds walls of protection that will later become prisons.

Wounded children make wounded adults

And these patterns don’t stop in childhood. Adults who come from dysfunctional families carry these wounds into every aspect of their lives. They enter relationships with deeply entrenched fears. They may seem self-sufficient or reasonably put together on the outside, but internally, they feel hollow and unsure. Their relationships are marked by lack of emotional attunment, emotional distance, or chaotic over-involvement. They often struggle with intimacy and are afraid of being seen. Loving attention that’s given is interpreted as evaluation against the things they fear the most inside –that they are somehow lacking and not good enough. And, it’s a dynamic they sow in the hearts and minds of others around them.

Healing requires more than time. It demands intention. It requires grieving what was lost and recognizing what was never givenwhich more often than not, was not intentional and yet still massively damaging. Only through therapy, reflection, and connection with emotionally safe people can these patterns begin to shift. Without this, many adults repeat the past: manipulating, avoiding, enmeshing, confusing and dividing others and eventually abandoning themselves and others. They may claim that “they may not be made for a relationship” but they keep seeking love and connection from whoever will love them until this too becomes threatening or ends badly.

In other words, they become the very thing they needed protection from as children.

If this is someone you know or someone you love read Part 2 to better understand what these wounds look like in adulthood. In the meantime, send them a great deal of compassion. This loving kindness meditation may help as well.

If this sounds like you, pause and breathe. What happened to you and what you have had to survive was incredibly difficult and while we can’t change the past, we can change the meaning you give it and what happens now.

Part 2: The Mask

Let’s now examine what these wounds look like in adulthood: avoidant behavior, emotional shutdown, image obsession, and subtle manipulation and how these dynamics can unravel even the most secure relationships. A list of behavioral signs is offered for those living this reality and those loving someone through it.

Part 3: The Healing

What real healing looks like and why it’s worth doing the work plus practical exercise to explore your family of origin—and the kind of people who can walk beside you as you reclaim a life rooted in self-worth, vulnerability, and love.

Your next steps

If you’re ready to begin to soften your heart and start forging beautiful emotional connections, we have two free worksheets for you to download. Sign up to our newsletter today and receive your downloadable worksheets by email.

Forge strong emotional connections

Sign up to our newsletter today and receive your downloadable worksheets by email.

START NOW

The post Not Your Friend, Part 1: Childhood Emotional Neglect and the Roots of Disconnection appeared first on Make Time Count.

Welcome to a three-part blog series on emotional neglect, avoidant attachment, and the courageous journey of healing.

What if the very behaviors you think are protecting you – emotional distance, perfectionism, people-pleasing- are not your allies, but the echoes of wounds that were never healed?

In this article series I want to introduce you to how childhood trauma, even subtle neglect or lack of emotional availability can create lifelong patterns that sabotage love, trust and self-worth. We often carry into adulthood invisible wounds from childhood—formed not necessarily by overt abuse, but by the subtle absence of emotional safety, attunement, and consistency. These early experiences shape the way we connect, love, avoid, and break down under pressure. They shape the version of ourselves we allow the world to see—and tragically, the parts of ourselves we hide even from those who love us most.

This blog series explores the legacy of early emotional neglect and the masks we wear to survive it. It is for anyone who has ever struggled to trust love, accept praise, stay emotionally open, or feel worthy of connection and love. It is also for those who love someone with these struggles and are left confused, hurt, or depleted.

As an IFS (Internal Family Systems) Level 1 therapist and CRM Trauma therapist and coach, I have been helping clients reconnect with their power, and trust themselves so they can emotionally connect with others. For some of my clients, this work is motivated by the need to win a job interview or a sponsorship pitch where sincerity and vulnerability win hearts and minds. For others, the work targets important relational healing with their children and family and how they view and love themselves.

Why I wrote this series

I write this series not just from professional experience and much training, but from a deeply personal place. While I was born premature and separated from my mother as an infant, I was nonetheless raised in the care of my parents and a very compassionate and kind grandfather.

My early years unfolded in a country burdened by political unrest and the quiet violence of communist control. Safety exited at home. as the first grand child in the family, I benefited from the love, care and attention of my entire family village. All this gave me my inherent sense of value and worth and a penchant for independence and self-actualization. But I also got to see human conflict, raptures in connection and their transformation into renewed bonds where hearts and minds were willing.

Watching my grandfather counsel my young parents as an elder taught me that conflict handled with an open heart and low ego brought people closer. It thus taught me to hold steady when others need me most: a lesson I deepened later in life. But I am not writing this from a place of knowing all the answers. Far from it. I am writing from a place of discovering that humans are complex and unpredictable.

This series reflects what I’ve learned from my clients, my practice, and the intimate work of growing alongside people I loved who carried wounds that were never theirs to bear. It also reflects my belief that healing is possible when we’re witnessed with honesty and care and deeply loved. Each part of the series takes you deeper into the inner architecture of emotional survival and potential transformation.

It also recognizes that these wounds are often not just personal—they’re generational. Attachment styles, emotional suppression, and coping strategies are passed down through families like invisible heirlooms. Parents who were taught to silence their emotions may unknowingly teach their children the same. Healing, then, is not only a personal act but a deeply generational one. By doing this work, you’re not just changing your life—you’re interrupting a pattern that could echo through future generations. It also reflects my belief that healing is possible when we’re witnessed with honesty and care.

Part 1: The Wound

We begin with the roots—how inconsistent care giving and emotional neglect fracture a child’s ability to trust themselves and others. We explore how shame, guilt, fear, and self-blame develop in early years and morph into lifelong patterns. If you’ve ever felt unworthy without knowing why, this is your starting point.

Part 2: The Mask

Next, we examine what these wounds look like in adulthood: avoidant behavior, emotional shutdown, image obsession, and subtle manipulation. You will also learn about the quiet, cautious individuals who crave recognition but fear exposure—and how these dynamics can unravel even the most secure relators. A list of behavioral signs is offered for those living this reality and those loving someone through it.

Part 3: The Healing

Finally, we turn to what’s possible. I discuss what real healing looks like. I also offer a practical exercise to explore your family of origin—and the kind of people you need to walk beside you as you reclaim a life rooted in self-worth, vulnerability, and love.

While there are no quick fix here, this series offers language for your pain, clarity for your confusion, and a compassionate invitation to begin your most important work – healing. And if this pertains to someone you know and care about, I hope the series will offer valuable insights. Do let me know below via comments.

You are not alone. And these wounds? They are NOT a friend. Wishing you lots of healthy, wholesome love and healing. And if this series resonates please share it or leave me a comment below.

Your next steps

If you’re ready to begin to soften your heart and start forging beautiful emotional connections, we have two free worksheets for you to download. Sign up to our newsletter today and receive your downloadable worksheets by email.

Forge strong emotional connections

Sign up to our newsletter today and receive your downloadable worksheets by email.

START NOW

The post Not Your Friend: How Childhood Wounds Quickly Undermine Our Adult Lives appeared first on Make Time Count.

As the days grow shorter and the colder months settle in, many people find their spark—the vibrant energy that drives passion, joy, and a sense of purpose—dimming under the weight of seasonal changes. Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) often brings feelings of fatigue, sadness, and disconnection, causing us to retreat from the activities and relationships that typically bring us joy. During this time, it’s common to feel less motivated, more anxious, and increasingly overwhelmed by daily responsibilities.

This loss of aliveness can overshadow not only our mood but also our perspective on life, leaving us questioning our passions and purpose. As the darkness of winter sets in, we may find ourselves caught in a cycle of negative thoughts, struggles with motivation, and a pervasive sense of isolation.

However, reclaiming your spark is not only possible but achievable with the right tools and strategies. The Grid approach offers a holistic and structured framework that allows you to visualize your life, identify areas of imbalance, and reconnect with what truly matters. Through the Grid method, you can reignite your energy, foster resilience, and ultimately enhance your well-being. In this blog, we will explore practical steps to combat fatigue and seasonal depression, helping you harness the power of the Grid to regain your sense of aliveness and joy. Let’s embark on a journey to rediscover your spark together!

For many individuals affected by SAD, feelings of low energy, hopelessness, and withdrawal can lead to a diminished sense of joy or “spark” in life. This sensation often translates to a lack of motivation and the feeling that life is colorless or uninspiring. Reigniting this spark is essential for improving mood and overall well-being and can be approached through several means:

1. Emotional Disconnect: Trauma can significantly affect one’s emotional state, making it challenging to connect with positive feelings or regain enthusiasm. In the context of SAD, the additional burden of seasonal changes can intensify feelings of disconnection, making it difficult for individuals to access their intrinsic motivation and joy.
2. Psychological Impact of Trauma: Individuals with a history of trauma may find that their coping mechanisms become maladaptive, leading to withdrawal or over-identification with negative emotions during winter months. This can further exacerbate feelings of sadness or loss of interest, deepening the sense of lost spark.
3. Mind-Body Connection: Both trauma and SAD impact the body’s physiological responses. Individuals may experience increased tension, fatigue, and emotional dysregulation, contributing to a cycle of numbness or disinterest in engaging with life’s pleasures. Regaining one’s spark often involves therapeutic practices that recognize this mind-body connection.

Exploring Personal Values and Joy: Using the Grid framework, clients can identify activities, relationships, and values that bring them joy and fulfillment. This exploration is crucial for reconnecting with what makes them feel alive and ignites their spark.

Addressing Imbalances: The Grid helps highlight areas of imbalance that may be contributing to feelings of disconnection and loss of spark. By visually mapping elements of life, clients are better able to identify where they have neglected their needs and passions.

Creating a Supportive Environment: Through the Grid, clients can identify supportive relationships and resources that encourage the rekindling of their spark. This support network can be particularly important for those with trauma histories, as it fosters safety and connection.

Integrative Practices: The Grid method encourages integrating various practices aimed at mental health and well-being, such as mindfulness, creative expression, and physical activity. These practices can be instrumental in helping clients reconnect with their feelings and enthusiasm for life.

Reflection and Progress Tracking: Encouraging regular reflection on progress through the Grid can help clients notice small wins and experiences that reignite their spark. Recognizing incremental changes can encourage motivation and reinforce a sense of agency in their healing journey.

As we navigate the often-challenging landscape of seasonal depression, it’s important to remember that regaining your spark is not only achievable—it’s within your reach. By using the Grid approach, you can take conscious, actionable steps toward reclaiming your sense of aliveness and joy. This structured framework empowers you to identify sources of imbalance, prioritize self-care, and reflect on what truly brings you fulfillment.

Now is the time to take charge of your well-being. Start by mapping out your current life situation using the Grid framework. Visualize where you feel energized, where you experience fatigue, and areas that may need more attention. Set small, achievable goals focused on activities that ignite your enthusiasm, whether it’s reconnecting with loved ones, pursuing a long-forgotten hobby, or simply getting outside for some fresh air.

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” — Rumi

Embrace this opportunity to cultivate a deeper understanding of yourself and your needs. Don’t hesitate to reach out for support—whether it’s through coaching, therapy, or connecting with friends. You don’t have to navigate this journey alone; the Grid can serve as your guiding light, helping you find balance and joy even during the darkest months.

Take a moment today to reflect on what brings you joy and how you can incorporate those elements back into your life. Commit to one small action—however simple—that helps reignite your spark. Remember, even the smallest steps can lead to profound changes. Embrace the journey and let the Grid guide you toward a brighter, more vibrant you!

Your next steps to explore the power of Grid

Make the Grid your go-to coaching tool

Enhance your coaching practice with the Grid Coach Training

The post Beat fatigue and seasonal depression SAD and get your spark back with the Grid approach appeared first on Make Time Count.

As the days grow shorter and the temperatures drop, you might find yourself battling feelings of sadness or lethargy. Do you often feel a sense of heaviness, a craving for comfort foods, or an overwhelming desire to retreat from social activities? If the winter months seem to dim your mood significantly, you could be experiencing Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)—a type of depression that typically occurs at the same time each year, often coinciding with the colder, darker months.

SAD is more than just the winter blues. It’s a recognized form of depression that can affect your energy levels, sleep patterns, and overall well-being. Many people find that with less light their mood makes a noticeable shift, motivation dips, and getting on with activities that typically bring joy is harder. This can take a big toll on one’s mental health. Fortunately, SAD is something we can improve or avoid and the Grid approach can help.

Grid can help you explore not only the direct impacts of SAD but also the wider context of your life. This method empowers you to pinpoint specific emotional triggers, understand your daily patterns and set intentions for positive change. Rather than merely coping with the effects of SAD, the Grid enables you to take proactive steps toward enhancing your well-being.

In this blog, we’ll delve deeper into how the Grid coaching method can support you during these challenging months, offering effective strategies to boost your mood, manage stress, and cultivate a sense of fulfillment. Don’t let the winter darken your spirit—let’s explore how the Grid can light your path to emotional resilience and renewed joy!

1. Internal Sense of Dissonance: Individuals may feel a pervasive sense of inner turmoil, struggling to align their emotional state with their true selves. The Grid approach can help visualize these feelings, allowing clients to identify and address the root causes of their discontent and lessen SAD.
2. Diminished Emotional Connection: Many people with SAD report feeling emotionally detached from their loved ones, leading to strained relationships. The Grid method encourages exploration of how imbalances in personal energy and well-being can negatively impact connections with others.
3. Difficulty Finding Motivation: As motivation wanes, tasks that once felt manageable can become overwhelming. Clients often express frustration about their ability to engage in work or projects, and the Grid provides strategies to reframe their approach, rediscovering purpose and drive.
4. Increased Existential Doubts: The dark, cold winter months can amplify feelings of uncertainty and existential questioning about life’s purpose. The Grid method supports individuals in mapping out their values and priorities, fostering clarity and a renewed sense of direction.
5. Overwhelming Sense of Isolation: Many individuals feel isolated during the winter not only physically but also emotionally. The Grid helps them recognize how their mood impacts their social interactions and encourages proactive engagement in a more systematic manner that’s easy to action, ultimately reinforcing a sense of community and connection.
6. Challenge of Balancing Responsibilities: Managing everyday responsibilities can feel more daunting during this time due to shorter days. The Grid method promotes a balanced approach, helping clients visualize their commitments and get things done as well as prioritize self-care to avoid overwhelm.
7. Loss of Joy in Activities: People may find that they no longer derive pleasure from activities they once enjoyed. Through the Grid, clients can identify what brings them joy and consciously integrate those activities back into their lives for greater fulfillment.

By connecting these common complaints related to SAD with the principles of the Grid coaching method, individuals can better understand the complexities of their experiences. The Grid approach serves as a powerful tool for bringing to light the interconnected aspects of life, empowering clients to navigate their challenges and reclaim their joy and balance, even in the darkest months of the year.

For many individuals affected by SAD, feelings of low energy, hopelessness, and withdrawal can lead to a diminished sense of joy or “spark” in life. This sensation often translates to a lack of motivation and the feeling that life is colorless or uninspiring. Reigniting this spark is essential for improving mood and overall well-being and can be approached through several means:

1. Emotional Disconnect: Trauma can significantly affect one’s emotional state, making it challenging to connect with positive feelings or regain enthusiasm. In the context of SAD, the additional burden of seasonal changes can intensify feelings of disconnection, making it difficult for individuals to access their intrinsic motivation and joy.
2. Psychological Impact of Trauma: Individuals with a history of trauma may find that their coping mechanisms become maladaptive, leading to withdrawal or over-identification with negative emotions during winter months. This can further exacerbate feelings of sadness or loss of interest, deepening the sense of lost spark.
3. Mind-Body Connection: Both trauma and SAD impact the body’s physiological responses. Individuals may experience increased tension, fatigue, and emotional dysregulation, contributing to a cycle of numbness or disinterest in engaging with life’s pleasures. Regaining one’s spark often involves therapeutic practices that recognize this mind-body connection.

Exploring Personal Values and Joy: Using the Grid framework, clients can identify activities, relationships, and values that bring them joy and fulfillment. This exploration is crucial for reconnecting with what makes them feel alive and ignites their spark.

Addressing Imbalances: The Grid helps highlight areas of imbalance that may be contributing to feelings of disconnection and loss of spark. By visually mapping elements of life, clients are better able to identify where they have neglected their needs and passions.

Creating a Supportive Environment: Through the Grid, clients can identify supportive relationships and resources that encourage the rekindling of their spark. This support network can be particularly important for those with trauma histories, as it fosters safety and connection.

Integrative Practices: The Grid method encourages integrating various practices aimed at mental health and well-being, such as mindfulness, creative expression, and physical activity. These practices can be instrumental in helping clients reconnect with their feelings and enthusiasm for life.

Reflection and Progress Tracking: Encouraging regular reflection on progress through the Grid can help clients notice small wins and experiences that reignite their spark. Recognizing incremental changes can encourage motivation and reinforce a sense of agency in their healing journey.

As the world grapples with an escalating mental health crisis marked by increasing rates of anxiety, depression, and burnout, the need for effective, holistic coaching approaches like the Grid method has become more urgent than ever. Traditional methods of addressing well-being often fall short by focusing narrowly on isolated issues, leaving individuals feeling overwhelmed and disconnected from their broader life contexts. The Grid method stands out as a transformative tool that empowers clients to visualize and integrate the various dimensions of their lives, fostering a greater sense of balance and agency. By providing a structured framework that addresses mental, emotional, and relational health, the Grid offers a proactive solution for navigating the complexities of modern life, making it a vital resource for coaches striving to support their clients amidst growing mental health challenges.

Grid has helped me turn my life around. I used to find life overwhelming and I could honestly say I was drowning and feeling increasingly lost at work and also in my personal life. Learning how to Grid and adopting this practice has added new energy, joy and calm into my life.

Grid Adopter, 2023

Your next steps to explore the power of Grid

The post Feeling low in mood? How Grid can help you beat seasonal depression (SAD) appeared first on Make Time Count.

Find out why interest in the powerful Grid approach is rising within the coaching profession and how you can add this useful method to your practice. Discover how Grid coaching can help coaches in different contexts – organizations, executive, health and well-being, career coaching, student coaching and so much more…

Equipped with the right coaching tools and framework, we can have:

All this and more is possible with a simple yet mighty powerful framework called the Grid, developed by Dr. Magdalena Bak-Maier, a neuroscientist, psychologist and leading coach-therapist specializing in burnout recovery.

We’re faced with a world where:

• Over 250,000 young people between ages 18-24 report being put off work (City & Guilds Report, 2022).
• More than 35% of employees under 35 report a lack of motivation hindering their performance at work.
• Workplace burnout is at an all-time high putting further pressure on teams and threatening safety standards.
• Automation and technical advancement at the expense of relational skills erode performance and morale.
• Fear, strikes, and inequality increasingly leaves many staff disengaged.
• The number of people taking sick leave and needing help is rising with an estimated UK cost of 92 Billion.

There is also far wider social and public health cost as work follows us home!

Work-based stress adds pressure on all other, already overstretched systems including parents and kids and the elderly, those to whom we look for help and guidance – doctors, teachers, nurses, and care workers, and those in positions of power and leadership. If we’re all chronically tired and fearful – what sort of world can we create and model?

As Grid creator, psychologist and master coach practitioner, I want to see more Grid coaches who can confidently support their clients where it matters most: their health and wellbeing along with healthy productivity.

Dr Magdalena Bak-Maier, Neuroscientist, Grid Creator and Educator

Make the Grid your go-to coaching tool

Enhance your coaching practice with the Grid for Coaches Training

Take a look at some practical ways that Grid coaching can help coaches who coach in different contexts

“Grid was integral to the process of bringing thinking and discovering wisdom together into one place. From both a coaching and humanistic perspective the Grid allowed us to integrate heart, mind and spirit. It showed us the way and at the same time mapped our progress which is truly motivational.

It transpired that it is also a fantastic map for use in supervision, encouraging reactive practice and leads to a kind, compassionate way of being. “

Ivan Beaumont, Coaching Academy Director at Network Rail

“I was recommended the Get Productive Grid book by my coach at Network Rail. I’ve really enjoyed using the Grid system.

It is deceptively simple and it’s only when you put it into practice that you realise how powerful it is.”

Jeremy Bullock, Programme Manager at Network Rai

Here is the feedback from the 5 Self Care Forum judges (GPs and Wellbeing Advocates).

• Excellent tool, tempted to use it myself, lots of free materials.
• Grid is flexible, person-centered and relevant. Reading through the information made me want to do the Grid.
• Teaching the skills to self-care is at the heart of the initiative. Great examples of the evidence of impact and feedback. Anyone can use it.

Self Care Forum 2022 Awards Feedback about the Grid

The ICF defines coaching as ‘partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential’. Grid coaching fits this definition perfectly and it’s my experience that the Grid framework facilitates the opportunity to address both personal and professional arenas in a holistic way that is both thought provoking and creative.

Katie, Conley – Licensed Career Coach, Accredited Strengths Profile Practitioner, and Certified Grid Balance Coach 2024

I have been coaching with the Grid coaching tool for over eight years and the results are amazing. And now, I want to give more coaches a creative license to take something into the world, not charge them a license fee to use it and helping them make a positive change where they can. The world I see is one where more people are well and coaches are critical to this vision becoming reality across different sectors.

Dr Magdalena Bak-Maier, Neuroscientist, Grid Creator and Educator

Other ways to explore the power of Grid if you’re new to this work

The post How Grid coaching can support leadership, health and well-being in different sectors, professions and age groups appeared first on Make Time Count.

Read about Katie Conely, one of our 2024 Grid Coach Training Alumni and Certified Grid Balance Coach and why and how she decided to add Grid to her coaching tools.

The ICF defines coaching as ‘partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential’. Grid coaching fits this definition perfectly and it’s my experience that the Grid framework facilitates the opportunity to address both personal and professional arenas in a holistic way that is both thought provoking and creative.

Katie, Conley – Licensed Career Coach, Accredited Strengths Profile Practitioner, and Certified Grid Balance Coach

Katie is a Licensed Career Coach, an Accredited Strengths Profile Practitioner, a Registered Professional with the Career Development Institute, an Associate Member of the Chartered Institute of Personnel & Development and Author of ‘God’s GRACE for Your Career’.

She runs Conley Career Coaching, helping people get the most from their careers. She says, ‘Coaching people to help them flourish in their careers is what I love to do!’

Katie’s Story

What initially attracted me to the Grid is how deceptively simple and yet powerfully impactful it is. Grid provides a coaching framework that supports personal agency, productivity and wellbeing. Grid helps you maintain balance in both personal and work settings, recognizing that energy needs to be restored through self-care and learning whilst it is expended through life and work activities.

Katie’s Grid Practice

My own regular practice is to draw up a weekly Grid, and this helps me focus on activities that keep me balanced in both my personal and professional life. I discovered, over time, that the Grid is also a really helpful reflection tool, since you can see at a glance which things don’t get done and reflect on the reasons why not. More recently I have also discovered the benefits of a daily Grid when I was recovering from a spinal injury and couldn’t focus on anything more than the day at hand. It freed me to focus on the moment and not worry about the rest.

As a Career Coach, I am particularly interested in the ‘career’ quadrant and how to use this for career progression or career development. The homebases in my Grid in the career quadrant include Networking, Learning and Promotion. I have found that being specific with the tasks I put under these homebases ensures that I stay focused and on track. Having a quadrant on the Grid dedicated to my career means that this area of my working life doesn’t get either neglected or become overwhelming. Also, I can review progress, reframe and celebrate successes as I go along.

What made me seek Grid Coach Training and Accreditation?

As I used the Grid over the past three years, I found I was naturally sharing it with others, especially with clients and I wanted to be able to do this competently and with a deeper understanding of the psychology behind the Grid, and to be able to explain the science that underpins it.

Our careers don’t happen in isolation to the rest of our lives and I have experienced how the Grid can be a powerful way to manage productivity, reflect on progress and be a tool for opening up opportunities for transformational coaching giving the client agency over their lives and careers.

The Grid makes perfect sense practically, recording everything in one place, and I wanted to be able to explain why this method is so powerful neurologically. Completing the Grid Coaches training has enabled me to do this, and I have started to share the Grid formally with clients.

Putting Grid Coaching to Work as a Certified Grid Coach: Case study

The first person I coached using Grid, was juggling so many things in her life and she jumped at the chance to use the Grid to make sense of everything and to help give her focus and balance. She found list-making soul-destroying and loved the creativity of the Grid. During our session, when she created her first Grid, we were able to draw out the things that were important for her, focus on areas that would be most impactful for her, and above all she gained a sense of personal agency over her life. She had a vision for how she wanted her life to be going forward.

When we met again, she said, “It’s like magic! I felt so productive, and I got so much done!” She had struggled with work/life balance and seeing everything laid out on paper made it hard to let things slip through the cracks, she felt more in control and explained how the Grid had become like a central command station for all the various tasks she needs to think about in her life. It was a transformational moment for her, and for me as a coach, since I had been able to coach her around her homebases and help her attune to what draws her attention, and what constitutes a task. She recognised the endorphins released as she highlighted completed tasks. It was very powerful.

With my next client we were able to discuss barriers to progress and reframe them, especially where there was an overlap between the quadrants. Sometimes relationships fall across different quadrants and we were able to discuss the nature of these relationships. Were they restorative or draining? And, where did they fit most naturally?

Growing Grid Coach Mastery

Grid is a powerful aid to learning and coaching and I am planning to integrate it more and more with my career coaching practice to provide a holistic approach to career development, where clients get to create their own Grid, focussing on the areas of their personal and professional lives that are important for them.  Our careers don’t happen in isolation to the rest of our lives and I have experienced how the Grid can be a powerful way to manage productivity, reflect on progress and be a tool for opening up opportunities for transformational coaching giving the client agency over their lives and careers.

I also plan to experiment with using Grid for vision and goal setting, with the starting point being the current context a client is in, compared with their desired future perspective.

Final words…

Grid coaching exemplifies the ICF definition of coaching where clients go through a thought-provoking and creative process focussing on all aspects of their lives, giving them agency to review their potential for growth and make relevant changes. As a Grid Coach I am able to guide, reflect, observe and notice things whilst the client takes an active role in assessing their current situation, identifying changes they would like to make, and then setting goals to do this, all through the lens of their own personal Grid.

Want to become a Certified Grid Coach?

Our in-depth Grid Balnace Coach is designed for people interested in transforming their lives and bringing similar positive change to others as coaches, managers, parents and carers.  Learn more here and take a big practical step towards healthy living and leading.  

And, if you’d like to add Grid training to your organization reach out to us.

The post Grid Balance Coach Training Reflection: Katie Conley appeared first on Make Time Count.