Last week the relationship came to an end.

Although shocking to most and completely life altering, I was somewhat prepared. You see, I have always made it a point to openly discuss goals, dreams and life priorities. I know very well that you have to make time for these things, that they will not manifest themselves on their own. I know this because I’ve had the time and experience to learn this the hard way.

I left home in Montreal at age 15 and went to live with my mother in Toronto. I had an incredibly independent lifestyle – I made all my own choices and faced the consequences of all my actions. Good and bad. Although I struggled mentally and emotionally through these high school years, I would not change them for the world.

My independence taught me everything I know about myself. It made me stronger and wiser, it helped me to discover what I value and what I want out of life. At 29 years of age, I feel confident that I know what my personal and professional priorities are. I want a successful career, I want a family and I want to continually subject myself to new opportunities and challenges, to never stop learning and growing. It took a lot of independent experience for me to learn all this about myself.

My partner has never experienced this type of independence. At 22 he set out to learn more about himself by moving to the other side of the world where he knew no one. We met only 3 months into this self discovering experience of his and instead of living out his independence, we ended up living out our love story. And what a love story it’s been! We’ve been privileged to indulge in such a special bond for so long but we both know that our individual life stories have other tales to tell.

We never knew when it would happen. But it did. And now I am faced with change. All of a sudden, I awake alone without the faintest clue what I want to do. This is a big change. I have lost my closest friend, my partner and the person I have spent every single day with for the past four years. It totally sucks and it hurts a whole lot. But I truly believe that it’s the right thing to do and that it’s for the best.

I am quickly discovering that things have played out this way for a reason. Everything happens for a reason. The ways of the world are speaking to me again.

Although I have experienced much independence in my life, it is becoming apparent that I’m not so good at living for myself. I tend to focus my energy on being there for others. I am a giver more than a taker, which probably speaks to why I’m good at being in a successful relationship. I am a nurturer, a listener, a motivator, a consoler, a supporter, a communicator, a compromiser. While these are all great qualities, I am now realizing that this new chapter unfolding before me is one where I need to focus on me and only me.

So there we have it. I have a new lease on life! A personal mission. What do I want to do with my time? Who do I want to spend it with? What do I enjoy? Besides love, what makes my heart sing? I always thought I knew myself so well, but now that I’m sitting here alone, on my own, I have no idea what I want to do with myself.

My new mission is to fill my time with activities and friendships. Who knows what the future will bring, I can only focus on the present. Things seem difficult now but they can only go up from here. One day at a time.

I used to write a lot.

I wrote for pleasure, for release, to share thoughts, findings, knowledge. But, of late, I’ve stopped writing.

I blame it on being lazy, more than anything. I miss writing though and for many reasons I feel I could benefit from dedicating time and effort to writing on a daily basis.

For such reasons, I am setting this challenge. Herewithin I will track and update all my writing efforts.

Day 3 – June 3rd – Posted private entry to my LiveJournal.

Day 2 – June 2nd – Posted private entry to my LiveJournal.

Day 1 – June 1st – Posted private entry to my LiveJournal.

CHALLENGE!
No booze for 3 MONTHS!

GOALS
Improve health
Change drinking habits
Lose 20 pounds