A Malaysian in France

Baby's room or parents' room?

2009-11-08T20:55:00.005+01:00

We have been attending childbirth classes, sponsor by the government. At first I was skeptical about the usefulness of these classes, as I thought we could get most of the information from parents and friends who have already gone through all these. After 4 classes I really like it as the midwife explains things more from the medical and professional perspectives than what our friends can tell us.

On the third class, the midwife threw us a question: where will your baby sleeps? In the parents' room or baby's room?

We were three couples. In my culture most of the new born sleeps with the parents or other adults, I thought I was the only one choosing the parents' room. Out of my surprise, one woman said she was not sure, she might want to put the baby in her room for the first 2 months. I then expected the midwife to educate us about how it would be inappropriate to put the baby in the parents' room, but again, she surprised me.

According to her, statistically, only one third of the world put the baby in a separate room and it is actually an occidental practice. From medical stand point of view, it is preferable to put the baby in the same room as the parents. The baby was living in a comfortable temperature until he or she is born. Suddenly, he or she has to deal with complete strangeness in the world. It would be nice for he or she to immediately be around with something familiar, like parents' voice, smell, breathing...During the night, some babies can stop breathing, but when hearing the parents' breathing, the baby's respiration system restarts. Moreover, the baby won't realize a thing if you have put he/she in a baby room or dining room during the first 9 months.

Having said that, she assures us this is totally up to the parents to decide. There is no right or wrong answer. She understands that parents want the baby to be independent since the first day, but she reminds us that when a baby grows up, he or she will like to have privacy and would naturally putting distance between parents and child. One couple raised concern about their intimacy, meaning they might not be able to continue their couple private activities. Her response was hilarious, she said you just need to be creative. Well, I personally don't think this is an issue, seeing how my siblings continue to produce the second and third kids while their first still sleeping in the same room as them.

I know the other two couples were not quite convinced since it is a norm in France that baby sleeps in the baby room. I was thrilled and relieved that hubby changed his point of view after this class. He was reluctant to let the baby sleeps in our room but now he has completely accepted it. The baby bed is already set up in the room.

This photo shows the childbirth classroom we were attending. We learnt about using the balloon to ease the contraction. It was very fun as she also taught us how to sit on the balloon while leaning on our partner, and at the same receiving back massage from the partner. Very cool class I would say!

One more week before my maternity leaves start

2009-10-31T16:07:00.004+01:00

It is the tax season again. In Sept and Oct French people received a bunch of request to pay their taxes: income tax, property tax, community tax, professional tax, revenue tax... usually all these have to be settled before the end of Nov. Unfortunately, due to the economic downtown, most of the taxes have increased to cover the lost in government income and big surge in social expenses. When hubby received the community tax, he was like "what the hell?". Well, I was pretty calm about these, all these years in France, I have learnt to accept paying high taxes.

So what does this have to do with my maternity leaves?

Well, I have been getting immense pressure from people around me to stop the car trip. My doctor could just give me a certificate and I could stop anytime if I want. At the beginning I was quite firm about it: I feel great, I do not believe that car trip hurts the pregnancy, my baby is pretty calm in the car... so my maternity leaves will start 6 weeks before the due date, period.

Then, I got more and more pressure: my boss asked shouldn't I stop earlier due to the car trip? My coworkers said I should just take the chance to rest since when the baby is here there will be no time for myself. My mother said why so stupid if the government pays for it might as well take it. My grandmother said I shouldn't put the baby's life in danger.

So I was thinking, if I pay taxes like everyone else, I might as well enjoy the social benefits like everyone else. So I agreed to 6 + 2 weeks (pathology leaves), all will be paid by the French government. This decision seems to please everyone.

So, one more week to go.

Old bed new paint

2009-10-21T22:13:00.006+02:00

Can you imagine this was the baby crib for hubby 30 years ago? His father made it and his mother painted it.

Now, let's revitalize the crib by putting on new paints.

It seems like hubby was enjoying the painting process.

Et voila! A new crib for our baby. Isn't it amazing? This crib had witnessed hubby's baby days and now it is going to serve his descendant.

He also bought the baby a dresser. I was not with him when he went to the shop, he sent me photos through his google phone and called me up at work. I checked my emails and looked at the photos. I think it looked elegant, so I said ok. He will match it with the crib, so another painting project waiting for him.

A regular consultation session with my doctor

2009-10-19T23:00:00.004+02:00

I have been with this doctor ever since I moved to France. I stay with her because she is willing to listen and try to understand me. Sometimes I couldn't find the words in French, and she patiently listen to my explanations and finally find the words for me. I think I'm her first Asian patient, everytime I call for an appointment, her secretary recognizes me immediately.

However, there is one drawback that I don't like, but this could apply for many doctors: she always makes me wait for 30 to 40 minutes pass the appointment time. I hate to wait when I already made an appointment, so these days I tried to be the first patient, got myself the 9am spot.

I arrived at 8.55am on a Saturday morning. Her secretary doesn't work on weekend.
She was on the phone with a patient. So I waited. At 9.15am she was still on the phone:

Her: Yes Mrs X, I think it is better for you to stay home now, you can come see me next Monday.
Mrs X: blah blah blah
Her: Ok have a nice day. She finally hung up.

So my consultation started, 15 minutes late.
Her: So, I have received your blood test result, let see how it goes. According to this chart...
The phone rang.
Her: Excuse me. (Picking up the phone)
Her: Yes Mrs Y, how can I help you? Oh yes with this syndrome you can use this medicine. For this brand you can just buy over the counter, but for the other one you will need a prescription...ok come see me on Tuesday... ok Thursday then...ok bye.
Hung up the phone.
Her: Sorry for that, I hope the phone won't ring again. So we were talking about your blood test. The glucose level seems fine. Let me check with my book.
While referring to her book, the phone rang.

Her: Dr B here how may I help you? Oh Mrs Z, your son is having a fever? Did he throw out? Since when? Ok bring him in today, I got a spot at 11.30am. Oh don't worry at the mean time just make him drinks plenty of water...
Hung up the phone and back to me.

Her: Ok blood test is good, but your plasma level seems a bit low. Go get another blood test next week to check it out.(Oh my God, another blood test, my arms are still having bruises!). The result also shows that you have not enough iron, so I will prescript you iron for the next 3 months. (Wow, first time she asks me to take supplementary pills, everyone was asking me why I was not taking all those vitamins, folid acid pills, but she thinks that those chemical products are not good for baby). Now let me see how you and your baby doing.

I weighted myself. Gaining normal weight. She then put some gel on my belly to try to listen to the baby heart beat. While she was putting the gel, the phone rang. She quickly washed her hands and rushed to the phone. The usual round of patient asking questions or taking appointments.

After the regular check out, she asked whether I was feeling tired or having contractions. And finally, she wanted me to stop working immediately as she thinks that the 3 hours round trip everyday is not good for the pregnancy. She had wanted me to stop every since I was 3 months pregnant. We negotiated and finally she agreed I will stop 8 weeks before the due date.

And then she went:"that would be 22 euros and I will need your medical card." I quickly wrote her a check while she was running my medical card with her machine. Then I got all the prescriptions needed. We finished at 9.50am.

I was quick short at this phenomena that in France doctors have to do the administrative tasks during their consultation times. My doctor only does that during the weekend, but that's because she is sharing a secretary with another partner. My dentist is practicing alone so he didn't have a secretary. While he was cleaning my teeth he sometimes has to stop to pick up phone calls for appointment. I feel weird each time they ask for the payment. I had been so used to doctors just doing the consultation and everything else handles by their nurses or secretaries.

I wonder, there is 10% of people unemployed. Why can't these doctors hire part timers to help them, so that they can concentrate 100% on their jobs. This could reduce the unemployed rate, best helping these people gaining working experience.

The bloody blood test

2009-10-14T21:07:00.004+02:00

I need to perform a blood and urine test every month and one of the tests show that I have high glucose level in the urine. This led to the O'Sullivan test, where I had to first take a blood sample, drink 50g of glucose solution and wait for one hour before taking another blood sample. I did this on a Saturday morning. I did not want to stay one hour in the lab so they made me signed a paper and released me right after.

Well, my doctor was not satisfied with the result so I had to go through another test - Oral glucose tolerance test. This test requires me to stay in the lab for 3 hours. I showed up one Saturday morning in a lab situated in another city, and was told that I needed to take an appointment as they only accept two patients per day. Ok, I didn't know that. Since all the Saturdays were planned with some activities before going back to see my doctor, I had no choice but to take half day off to perform this test.

It was my turn to drive on Monday morning. Unfortunately, there was an accident on the highway, we were stucked 25 minutes and were moving at a snail speed. I made an appointment at 9am and when I arrived at 9.25am, the lab was full of people, mostly elderly. They took my first blood sample at 9.40am and I had to drink 100g of glucose solution at once. Luckily it was with orange favor so I managed to drink it without much problem. They then took blood sample at 30 minutes intervals (twice) then 60 minutes interval (twice). It was 1pm when I finally got out of the lab, starving, feeling vulnerable, both arms with bruises.

The lab sent me and my doctor the analysis result two days after. If I interpreted it correctly, my glucose level is below the dangerous level, need to confirm with my doctor. Just hope everything is going well and I don't have to deal with this again.

Air Asia gets landing rights in Paris!

2009-10-08T21:12:00.004+02:00

This is great news! The French president has agreed to grant landing rights to Air Asia in Paris after his official meeting with the Malaysia Prime Minister. Air Asia always offers good deal with attractive price, hopefully going back to Malaysia is less costly when Air Asia starts operating the KL - Paris leg.

Well, the flights will land in Orly Airport, less convenient to take the direct train to Nantes, but still, this is a good news.

Hubby's gadgets

2009-10-04T21:35:00.007+02:00

Within 2 months, hubby got himself three gadgets.

First, the LCD TV that he has been drooling for a while, after doing many researches and reading reviews on the internet.

Then, he got himself a witfit set.

It goes well with the TV, since then he has been training almost everyday, and managed to lose about 5kg (plus eating healthier food). I like Wiifit too, it has a variety of exercises, I love doing Step and some yoga exercises.

Then, his cellphone contract almost ended and he has been itching for a Googlephone. Now, he calls me and my Facebook profile photo shows up.

The phone has internet connection plus many applications like Facebook, googlechat and also GSP, now we can go anywhere and just use the googlemap for directions. He has also created a Facebook account (he resisted it for a while) and posted photos from the car.

I love this Googlephone, probably get myself one in the future.

Shit happens - one bottle down

2009-09-24T22:08:00.003+02:00

We woke up this morning to discover this:

One of the wine bottle broke! 4 days after the making.

Since we had to rush to work I only clean up the floor tonight. All the alcohol were leaked out. We suspect that the fermentation was too strong so the bottle couldn't take it. I don't know how to clean the bamboo floor, it doesn't smell at this point.

Talking about hard work goes into drain. Pray hard this won't happen to my second bottle.

No Malaysian citizenship for my children

2009-09-23T22:16:00.003+02:00

I expected this, but still had that tiny little hope that Malaysia has changed it's constitution about the citizenship for children born overseas.

I sent an email to the Embassy of Paris a while back and got the reply:
2. The Embassy wish to inform you that according the Malaysian Constitution, a child born in Malaysia is Malaysian if one of the parents is Malaysian. However, the citizenship of the child that born overseas is being determined by the citizenship of the father.

3. In this regard, it is advisable for you to give birth in Malaysia if you wish to obtain an automatic Malaysian citizen for the new born child.

So, my child wouldn't be a Malaysian because I'm a Malaysian female. If I was a man, she could have qualified.

France recognizes double citizenship so it would be nice that my daughter could have the Malaysian citizenship. Who knows in the future, we would move back there for several years, then she can enroll in the public school. Besides, Asian countries might form some Economic zone like the European Union, with this citizenship she would have the choice to work in Asian and venture into Asian cultures.

France is a lot lenient on this. According to hubby, children born to a French would be French no matter what. I don't know why Malaysia practices strict rules like this. If you follow the recent news, even people born in Malaysia (mostly before independence) and have been living in Malaysia their whole life have difficulties getting their citizenship. Some of the reasons being they do not speak Malays, they have lost their birth certificate, or their parents were not married.

I hope it won't take long for Malaysia to grant citizenship to those who are born in Malaysia and to children born overseas, without discriminating its own female citizens.

Homemade Chinese red wine 自制红酒

2009-09-20T12:14:00.014+02:00

Ok I need to clarify that this is not a wine only for consumption during confinement. In fact red wine chicken 红酒鸡 or red wine meesua 红酒面线 are two of the famous dishes that use red wine as the soup base.

Ingredients:
600g yellow raisins (dried grapes)
600g ice sugar 冰糖 or brown sugar (from sugar cane)
2.52L water
5 wine biscuit 酒饼 (dry them for two days before using)
1 glass jar (can fill about 4L liquids)

I got these two glass containers from my in laws. The above ingredients will produce about 3L wine but it needs some space to raise during fermentation. Make sure it covers well.

Step one: Boil water with all the sugars. Once boiling, pour in raisins and let them boil for one more minute then turn off the fire. Put them aside and let them chill for at least 12 hours or overnight.

Step 2: Use a mortar and pestle to crush the dried wine biscuit. Pour the crushed powder into the glass container.

Step 3: Pour the chilled cooked combination into the glass container. Stir it so that the wine biscuit mixed well with the others. Make sure you leave some space in the glass container as the wine slowly raise during fermentation.

Seal the glass jar finely. Each of my glass jar has an elastic, if not try seal with a piece of cloth. Store it somewhere (not directly expose to heat) for 3 months.

Now fingers crossed for the result!

Package from Malaysia

2009-09-19T19:47:00.003+02:00

In the Chinese culture, after deliver a baby, a woman would be on one month confinement, where you hire or have someone to take care after you so that you can have full rest. During this month you will have special diet (ginger, wine, Chinese herbs and medicine) plus some rigid practices.

I don't think I would follow all those rigid practices like not taking shower for a month, but I would like to more or less follow the confinement diet. My mother recommended Chinese red wine as one of the cooking ingredients. I don't think I could find it in France so we think about making it myself. Unfortunately, I couldn't find one of the ingredients which is called "wine biscuit" or "酒饼" in the nearby Chinese grocery store. So, my mother expedited some to me.

These wine biscuits are actually one kind of yeast, serve to turn raisin into wine.

She also would like me to have some Chinese medicine. The local Chinese store sells some of them but according to my mother, after knowing the price, the medicine they are selling are the normal type, not those high quality one for confinement. Therefore, my family also sent me some medicine herbs.

My sister also gave me some maternity clothes. They came on time as even though I bought some here as well, due to lack of experience, some of the clothes I bought are too small to last until the last day. I also didn't find those T-shirts that are getting loose only at the waist line.

Anyway, now the challenge is to make the wine myself, from the recipe it seems to be easy, I hope the taste will turn out good.

An unfinished knitting project

2009-09-13T10:48:00.004+02:00

I mentioned in my earlier post that hubby's godmother is having a knitting project for our little one. Unfortunately, she won't be able to finish it.

She passed away on Friday, after fighting for different illness and going through many surgeries for over 15 years, leaving behind her only son (hubby's cousin), her aging mother (hubby's grandmother) and her life partner.

We rushed to B town as soon as we received the call from my in laws. Once we arrived in the emergency ward, my MIL and the grandma were accompanying her, lifeless. I hugged the grandma, who was in deep sadness, and kept saying that life is so unfair. It is so unfair that her daugther left before her. All I can tell her was that her daughter is in Paradis with God.

My MIL didn't want me to stay too long in the emergency room, so we went back to the Godmother's house. It was sadden to see that all her belongingness were untouched, but she will never step foot in this house anymore. While my parents in laws were comforting the grandma and the uncle, me and hubby took care of the cousin, who just finished highschool and just started his first year of a tertiary studies.

The funeral is scheduled to be on Monday. The hospital is equipped with rooms with special temperature as transition rooms. We saw her again in one of these rooms, dressed in her favorite clothes. I have never been so close to a dead body, but I was not scared. She had always been nice to me, there was no point to be afraid, alive or dead.

The cousin proposed me to sleep in his room. Since he is very close to hubby, it would be nice that they could sleep together so hubby could be around him whenever he needs someone to talk to. At dawn, about 24 hours after she left, I woke up and suddenly thought of a question: how if she comes back to see her son and couldn't find him? In the Taoism believes, someone who just passed away would come back to see their love ones before they reincarnate. Then, knowing how she loves her son, I know she would find him if she wants to. In the morning after talking to my FIL, I realized that the Christians believe that the dead one will be with God forever and will not decend again to earth. So, it was nonesense to even think that she would come back.

On Saturday, grandma insisted to go to see her again. We sent her to the transition room, but suddenly I lost the courage to enter the room. In the afternoon we sent grandma again after lunch, and there were many friends and relatives came visiting, after reading the orbituary in newspaper. I was so curious, are they so many people reading through orbituary everyday to know who passed away everyday? And the answer is yes, some people do especially those working in churches and old people. Also, one person tells another and soon the news are spread.

During lunch, we learnt about all those paperworks that need to be taken care of after the funeral. Get an appointment with a lawyer for all the heritage issues, visit a banker for all the financial issues, inform the different governmental and business agencies of her death... Already, the uncle and my FIL were spending long hours choosing the funeral packages...it is just so exhausted to even think of all things that have yet to be done.

Our regret, is that she won't be able to see her Godgranddaugther, whom she was so eager to meet.

09/09/09

2009-09-09T21:49:00.002+02:00

09/09/09 is another popular day to get married for Chinese couples. 9 in Chinese has the similar phonetic to the word "forever", so imagine being married on a day which wish the marriage last "forever forever forever". I heard that in Malaysia, most of the wedding registration agencies have been fully booked for this day one year in advance.

I didn't realize it is 9 Sept today until some of my coworkers pointed out. I need them to sign something and most of the them have the same reaction : "oh it is 9 9 9 today, such an easy day to remember." So it seems that it doesn't mean anything special in France. Ah should have told them what it means in Chinese.

Baby cloth

2009-09-05T18:55:00.003+02:00

We got a parcel from our grandma today. She knitted a set of baby sweater. So cute with the little gloves. I know hubby's mother and godmother are knitting as well for our baby. I think we don't have to buy much for this winter.

The Erdre river and all that jazz

2009-08-31T22:13:00.010+02:00

It was a sunny weekend. We had a date with the Erdre river and jazz. The Conseil General was organizing the annual jazz festival along the Erdre river. Boats were parading on river while we were listening to the musics.

People waiting for boats passing by.

Boats parading, some were so old I thought I was at the Pirate of the Caribbean era.

Some musicians just set up a booth and started playing. They even brought wine to share with the audiences.

A classical jazz band. Where were the audiences?

It was so hot so they were hidden under the shade. :-)

Some musicians played on the boat.

And they have got audiences came by boat and stayed on board while listening.

Some people playing, some people drinking, some people cruising

Overall, it was a nice event, money well spent. The Conseil General used the tax money to sponsors these bands which foster the jazz culture, people came for free musics and songs but they paid for restaurants, hotels and shopping. It boosted the local economy plus made the music lovers happy. Win win situation.

Thanks to the electricity breakdown

2009-08-26T22:12:00.003+02:00

This morning when I arrived at work, my coworkers informed me that there was an electricity breakdown in several floors including ours. We headed to the office kitchen and I started taking my breakfast there. By talking to my coworkers, I realize that as a pregnant woman, I'm entitled to half an hour more resting time, which I could use to have a nap, take doctor appointments or just leave work earlier. I can also go for doctor appointments and come in later to work.

The breakdown went for more than a hour and I managed to use the chance to get all the doctor appointments I needed to take. Since most of the medical secretaries start accepting appointment calls after 9am, I always find it hard to use the office hour for personal calls. Today, I got appointments with:
- my doctor who does the pregnancy follow up (her secretary didn't give me a hard time today, usually she doesn't like when I take Saturday appointment, she said Saturdays are reserved for emergency cases)

- a gynecologist for the follow up from 7th month to the due date (we were worried as during the second ultrasound last week, we were told that it was too late to take an appointment with their gynecologist, which is necessary if we want to do the registration for the delivery with this hospital)

- a midwife for the delivery preparation classes (I'm so glad she works on Saturday, most of the gynecologist don't work on Saturday except one that are on duty for emergency cases)

Wow I'm so relief now that I have taken these appointments. Everything seems to get back on track. I was worried that non of the gynecologists would have a spot for me.

The 88th birthday

2009-08-23T11:29:00.004+02:00

I have never expected that while I'm assimilating to the French culture, my French family is learning and practicing some of my Malaysian culture too. The day after I got my 10 years resident card, my FIL emailed me saying that:" Do you realize that you got the card on 8.8.09, a very lucky date?" I was like, wow no I didn't realize, and didn't know they would even remember that.

(For your information, 8 is considered as an auspicious number in the Chinese culture, that was why the China Olympics' inauguration ceremony last year was held at 8.08pm on 08.08.08)

Then, my in laws decided to celebrate hubby's grandma's 88th birthday since it is supposed to be a lucky age for her. So off we went to a small touristic town in the west of the Brittany. As usual, she greeted us with her delicious home cook meals.

She lives alone since grandpa passed away several years ago. Whenever we come visit, she would cook us our favorite dishes and desserts. She purposely prepared the Lemon Tart as dessert as she knows it is one of my favorite desserts here. During the preparation, she accidentally burnt the tart and was upset for a while. She quickly prepared a second one, but I liked the burnt tart as well and everyone finished it before starting the second tart.

I'm just lucky to have a loving and caring grandma like this. On the other hand, I don't know if I can bear to live alone in such a big house, passing my days reminiscing on everything happens here.

My 140 euros Renault Laguna keycard

2009-08-19T19:45:00.005+02:00

We have finally bought a new Laguna keycard, which costed us 140 euros for both the new key and the reprogramming.

Three years after we bought the car (used), the keys started to have problems. One couldn't unlock and one couldn't lock. We tried to put the battery from one card to another but it didn't work. For a while, we locked the car manually, which involved getting out of car, leaving the back door open and leaning in and hitting the central locking button. Unlocking the car involved taking out a part on the handle and take out the key from the keycard. We were bearing with these for a while until one day, one of the keys couldn't start the car anymore. When push on the start button, a red round light flashes on the car screen.

We were afraid that the other key will follow suit and one day we would not be able to start the car entirely. We decided to pay the price: 140 euros just to get a new car key!

I would like to have another key as a backup but paying another 140 euros is just too much to bear. I decided to check on the internet, and here I found this site teaching people how to repair a Laguna key themselves:
http://west-penwith.org.uk/blog/archives/203

I haven't tried it yet as it involves mending one of the components. We don't have the tool to do it.

Another solution, a garage in UK repairs the key for 25 pounds plus postal cost:
http://www.keyrepair.co.uk/

I would like to find a garage that would repair it just for 25 euros, anyone knows any garage like this in France?

One month pregnant & we already had to do all these...

2009-08-12T19:51:00.006+02:00

We went for a doctor visit to confirm my pregnancy.

Doctor: "You are one month pregnant, expecting a Christmas baby. Now, let me tell you things you have do.
- First, register with a hospital/clinic that you would like to have the labor.
- Second, take appointment for your first ultrasound.
- Third, register with your local government run daycare center.
- Fourth, prepare documents to inform the government agencies about your pregnancy."

We were overwhelmed. I thought she was over worried so I didn't pay much attention. Hubby went online, browsed through forums to compare the 4 hospital/clinics in Nantes. About two weeks later he chose the Clinique Jules Verne. He called the clinic and was informed that they are fulled for the whole month of December! How did those people managed to reserve a bed then? They called when they were one week pregnant?

I got awaken by this news. Ok maybe In Nantes we just need to act fast. So I quickly called the second clinic in our list. Luckily the secretary informed us that they have plenty of rooms and I do not have to worry too much. However, for the first ultrasound, they were fully book on the Saturdays I wanted. Since the doctor said I have to do this between 11 to 13 weeks of pregnancy, we had no choice but both me and hubby had to take a day off.

As for the daycare center, there are three in our community with about 70 spots. The one closest to us closes on Wednesday, so it doesn't really suit our need. We were immediately discouraged by these information. They are so many babies in our areas, how can we fit into these 70 spots? We should we put the baby on Wednesday? We concluded that we should instead get a baby sitter. Friends told us that even for a baby sitter, we need to book early as in some cities the demand is higher than supply.

Gosh, so much work to do at 1.5 months, we are not even having the baby yet.

Got my 10 years carte de resident (resident card)

2009-08-09T17:37:00.004+02:00

Cool I got my 10 years permanent resident card (carte de resident)! No more renewal every year.

Yesterday morning we walked in to the Town Hall, surprised that they are open during a holiday season, and we were the first to be served. The officer handed me a card similar to this one:

Some differences between this 10 years card and my previous one are:
- The title of the card has changed to "Carte de resident" instead of "Carte de sejour temporaire".
- The motif of stay is "Toute profession en France Metropolitane dans le cadre de la legistration en vigueur" instead of "vie privee et familiale"
With this new motif of stay, I can work in any part of France except her overseas territories.

It was a hassle free process ever since I moved to Orvault and renew my card in the local Town Hall instead of the Nantes Prefecture. This Town Hall opens every Saturday morning so I don't even need to take a day off. No appointment needed and no long queue like in the Nantes Prefecture.

2 months before my card expires, I went to the local Town Hall with a list of documents:
a. 4 recent passport size photos
b. my passport + photocopies of the first page, the entry stamp to France and the visa and it's validation date
c. hubby's ID card
d. le livret de famille (family book you got from the Town Hall during your civil wedding)
e. document that can justify your home address : electricity bill (EDF) or others
f. both me and hubby have to be present and provide at least 2 documents which can prove that we are still living together, example our tax return form (with both our names on it), our bank statement...)

Five weeks later I received a letter from the Town Hall, asking me to pick up my temporarily card (recipissee).

Another five weeks later I received the convocation to pick up the resident card. In the convocation it states that I need to bring along my expired carte de sejour, the temporarily card recipissee and an OMI stamp with 70 euros face value.

Now that I have my ten years card, I'm thinking about getting the French nationality. However, since Malaysia doesn't recognize double citizenship, it means that I would lose the Malaysian citizenship, something that is still precious in my eyes. I just hope that one day Malaysia will change the laws and allow her citizens living overseas permanently to keep their nationality.

No pressure on boy or girl

2009-08-05T20:27:00.003+02:00

In several weeks we should be able to find out the gender of our baby. Some of our French friends here have chosen to not know the gender so that they could have surprise when their child is born. Luckily, me and hubby have the consensus to know whether it is a she or he as soon as we can.

The Chinese community in Malaysia has pretty much evolved and less emphasis on the ancient tradition of having a son. However, the influence of the Confucius thinking of continuing the family name and tree still exist in some families, especially when the person involves is the eldest son in the family. One of my neighbors tried 6 times and have 7 daughters (once she got twin), but she never gave up. Finally, she got a son at the 7th time. In my generation, people who have son at the first try usually feel relief. Those who have daughter wish they could have a son at the second or third try. The younger generation cares less about continuing the family name but most of the time it is their parents who feel guilty if they don't get any grandson as it means the family name ends on their hand. Some people believe they will meet their ancestors eventually one day, so not continuing the family name is a big shame that they could not afford to bear.

I will say that I'm very fortunate to be married into a family that welcome both boy and girl. There is no pressure from anyone around me that I have to have a son or a daughter. From my observation, in general, French families like to have at least a son plus a daughter, but they will not force it by having more kids than they wish. Hubby's paternal grandmother has more than 10 grand grand kids but non of them bear the family name. They are either grand-kids from her daughters or kids from her granddaughters. Our kid will be the first to bear the family name. If he was from a Chinese family, I think I would have all the pressure from the grandmother and even from his parents. But no, the grandmother loves all her grand grand-kids, it doesn't matter which side they are from. Lucky us!

As for me, I wanted a girl but now I'm not sure anymore. During a conversation with my carpooler, he told me that he wished to have a daughter but he is now happy to have two sons. If he were to have a daughter, he would have worried to death about many things: if she will get cheated by other men, pregnant at early age...but now he just need to tell his sons to practice safe sex. I think his logic kind of got into me. As for hubby, he is happy to have either son or daughter, nonetheless he is worried that he has to fight with his daughter to use the bathroom. "Just ask her to put the makeup kit and mirror in the her room", I told him. :-)

It has been 3 years

2009-07-27T22:07:00.003+02:00

It has been 3 years we are civilly married. Since we had another one wedding in Malaysia (Feb) and one in France (Sept), we have not decided which date we would use as our wedding anniversary. So, last two years we didn't do anything for this civil anniversary, but this year we decided to go for a nice restaurant. The food were yummy.

After years of sweet couple's life we decided that it is time to add a family member to our life. After many attempts, we are happy to announce that we are impatiently waiting for our little one to join us at the beginning of next year. We are very excited but at the same time are overwhelmed with all the things to do at the moment: medical check up each month, paper works, child care, and me morning sickness every day. We had a very special moment during the first ultrasound, when we visually see a new life growing and waving and kicking in my stomach, we were overjoyed!

Help or no help

2009-07-21T19:44:00.004+02:00

Recently I discovered that one of my coworkers actually takes train to work from Nantes to Rennes. She told me that she doesn't drive. In the morning she would leave home 15 minutes before 7am to catch the train at 7.25am. She arrives in the office at around 9.15am. In the evening, she leaves the office at around 5.30pm and only arrives home at 9pm!

Gosh, I can't believe she has been doing this for over three months now. She told me that it is ok in the morning as there is a direct train, but during the evening, the latest direct train leaves at 5.30pm and the one she takes has connections here and there causing her to arrive home late.

Knowing her situation, I immediately try to think of ways to help her. I contacted another coworker who is doing carpooling with me during the summer, and turned out he is living like 5 minutes walking distance away from her! So, he picked her up in the second morning and we gave her a ride home and it had saved her a lot of times.

Unfortunately, we are 4 this week so we won't be able to continue helping her. When I told hubby about this, he said that he would firstly ask why is she not driving. In her case, the company would for sure provides her a rental car if she doesn't have her own. Sincerely, it has never crossed my mind to ask this question. I think this is too private, if she holds herself from driving and suffers from so much trouble, there must be a pretty good reason, like for example she used to have accident or she is panic when driving. Hubby has a different point of view. He thinks that no matter what, it is time for her to start driving. He would only help if she could give a reasonable reason.

Well, I agree with hubby but I still think that if it doesn't cause me much trouble to give her a hand, I don't mind doing so. Now I'm just glad that I drive and have a valid driver license, I don't think I can stand spending 5 hours just on traveling to/from work everyday!

The morning ritual II

2009-07-17T20:06:00.005+02:00

A while back I was posting about the morning ritual in the office and how I was glad that no one actually air kisses me. Well, not anymore as one coworker (a man) decided to kiss my cheeks every morning when he passes by. At the beginning I was taken aback and almost told him no (hey I was not very close to him you know), but I held myself and now I have gotten used to it. I notice that female coworkers don't kiss or shake hands among themselves (except with a higher ranking manager), but one decided to shake my hand every morning. Another female coworker saw it and asked why I was given a special "treatment" like this. She replied:"She is from overseas so I want to give her some international touch."

Today, I discovered that people who handle well the morning ritual win the heart of others and could be considered having the right social skills. It was not the first time I heard comment like this :" This manager is so cool, he says morning to everyone everyday". The contrary is true as well. Managers who don't go greet others from office to office are considered rude and bad in communication.

Thinking about it, the morning ritual could be an ice breaking process if one greets you every morning. It could strike into small talks and this is how a relationship starts to build. I notice that when I have an issue, I prefer to discuss openly with managers who shake my hand every morning than managers with whom I rarely see or talk to.

At this point, I haven't built up the courage to purposely go from office to office to greet everyone, but I finally managed to remember whom I have said good morning. However, when this coworker comes to air kiss me, systematically I just hand out my right hand then immediately realize ops I should raise my face instead. I blame it to the Confucius's notion of "Guys and girls shouldn't have body contact" that has been poisoning my little Chinese mind. :-)

Note: Not every company is having the same morning ritual. In hubby's company, he kisses very female coworkers (lucky him!) and the females kiss among themselves.

National Day / Bastile day

2009-07-14T18:02:00.002+02:00

We got a day off since today is France's national day or Bastille day. I remember studying on the form 4 world history text book that 14 July 1789 marks the Renaissance area of France which led to the collapse of the monarchy system and the beginning of the Republic system.

I don't know how much the Bastille day still means to the younger generation as it was happened over 200 years ago. Hubby complained that all the TV channels were featuring the national day parade in Paris and he couldn't watch the Tour de France (annual bicycle tour). When finally he managed to watch the sport in the afternoon, some teams were on strike so it was not really a competing day.

Bastille day, it is a day I do some housework and a day for hubby to play non stop his new Wii games :-)