Meanwhile, I am going to keep trying, based on the premise that everything is working the way it should and I AM ovulating.

A close friend suggested that I might want to ask my doctor for a referral now, to get the process started sooner, rather than later, in anticipation of long waits to get in to see a fertility specialist. My impression of the process is that it is unpleasant, stressful, and expensive.

Our insurance doesn’t cover infertility treatments. So, finding out that we have fertility issues would pretty much be a door slamming in our faces on the whole pregnancy thing, at least until our financial situation changes.

If I’m going to find out that we cannot have children, I’ll wait the year.

In talking to my close friend, we got to the topic of: “what can you say to someone who is trying to conceive, and has not conceived yet?” Especially someone who’s not looking for tips and tricks to try to maximize her chances of getting pregnant. There’s a huge distinction between “I’m not sure what techniques to use,” and “I’m not sure that my body is working properly.”

Friends, I know that it is irritating to be hearing/reading about all of this on a daily basis. I’m sure that you sometimes think to yourselves: “Why are you telling me about this stuff if you aren’t looking for me to say anything????” I know that you are between a rock and a hard place, because there’s not really anything that anyone can say that will not eventually lead to me being all moody and thinking: “What do YOU know?” or “That’s easy for YOU to say.” Even though I know that when you were in this position (those of you who have been in this position), you were going through all the same emotions and fears. I really appreciate that you are still listening/reading.

My friend put it best when she said: “I know nothing is a guarantee and nothing except getting pregnant will answer questions.”

This is true.

It’s only been 3 or 4 months. I know it’s only been 3 or 4 months. I know that it’s still early days, and I shouldn’t be worrying about anything one way or the other right now. I am not ACTUALLY worried, yet. But I am anticipating being worried and THAT is causing me to be all over the place with things. Optimistic and assured one minute, pessimistic and convinced that I am broken the next. And sometimes I get mad at Jason for not seeming more worried about everything.

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But, I have been knitting up a storm, so I figure it evens out in the end. I posted a ton of photos of finished and unfinished knitting projects on Sunday, March 7, if you wanna take a look at some of the stuff I have been up to.

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If one more person tells me that we haven’t been trying for that long, I might punch them in the face. I am well aware that we have not been trying for that long. My fears do not stem from the last three months of trying, they stem from my own personal history. There are very good reasons for me to worry about potential fertility issues. Consider for a moment that I might have a personal medical history that I have not shared with the general public.

I also might punch the next person who tells me to relax. If that person really knew me at all, they would know that I am remarkably unconcerned about the whole trying to conceive thing. Anyone who thinks that my current level of preoccupation with the ins and outs of trying to conceive and potential fertility issues is too much would probably have a heart attack from secondary stress inhalation if they examined my level of preoccupation with work, knitting, television series, etc… there are so many things in my life that I spend more time and energy on right now…

It is possible to be concerned about a potential health issue without being obsessed about it. I am concerned about possibly having fertility issues that might interfere with our ability to get pregnant. Despite that concern, I am trying to get pregnant in a way that is fairly casual and relaxed. I think, all things considered, that I am generally doing remarkably well at not being stressed out about the whole thing.

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First of all, WTH? is up with all the sick lately?

Anyways, I hung around at home, on the sofa, watching Angel on DVD and knitting.

I made a baby slipper, which took about an hour, but I wasn’t in the mood to knit its pair right away. I’ll probably do that this evening.

I made a hat out of some chunky yarn that I’ve had for ages. I was about to start on a matching scarf, but I couldn’t decide on a stitch pattern that appealed to me, so I set that aside.

I got about 75% of the way through a wrist warmer made from Bernat Jacquard in Geranium.

Pattern: Bernat – Wrist Warmers

Swatch: Bernat Jacquard – Geranium

I’m hoping to finish it and make its pair tonight. It’s a really quick knit, because the yarn is medium weight, unlike the other wrist warmer/fingerless glove patterns that I favour which take days because they are made out of sock yarn. Obviously, this will not be a summer weight accessory, but I can wear them outdoors in the spring and fall, and in the winter sometimes the indoor temperatures are cool enough to warrant them.

I’ll post pictures of the finished projects soon. Actually, not of the hat and scarf, I am planning to give those to someone for Christmas, and I don’t want to ruin the surprise for them.

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I feel a little bit bad for not keeping up with my blog features, but I figure that most people who are here are reading because they are my friends. You want to “catch up” on what’s happening in my life, and are not really interested in reading (possibly) insightful essays on assigned blog topics.

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For any of you who are counting, that was day 37 according to FertilityFriend.com.

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