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During May, I have found myself lighting all the lanterns and candles on our porch and hanging from our fig tree every night, sort of figuratively lighting our house for Henry to see, and know that I am there, sitting on the porch looking for him. I don’t mean this in a crazypants way; I don’t literally think he’s going to come strolling up the sidewalk and yell out to me that he’s home. But each night right now, I just want there to be some tangible, visible expression of my grief out under the springtime moon. I want the universe to know that I long for him, and I’m still his mother. That he’s not forgotten, and that I am marking this month – with each day that brings me closer to May 31 – in some explicit way. I want the house to look as warm and cozy and loving as he knew it, as a signal to…whomever that I am working hard to honor what I know Henry wanted, which was for me to continue to have lavender and flowers growing under the stars, and flickering paper lanterns and porch swings and music in my life until we are together again, and for me to make sure that his little brother and sisters have the healthy mama and happy home they deserve. He loved them so much.

I have no clue if any of that fmakes one lick of sense to anyone, or if I sound utterly nuts. But that’s just the best way I can figure out how to explain what I’m doing out there night after night.

Last night, just after midnight, everyone else in was indoors asleep and I was out on the porch with Leo (dog) abd Moses (cat), listening to Marshall Crenshaw’s first record and weeping, missing Henry so much. But in my sadness, I had this sudden thought that the house looked very sweet all lit up in the quiet night, so I went into the yard, turned around and took this photo.

In the 10k-plus photos I’ve taken in the 24 months since Henry died (and the few dozen anyone has taken of me during the same period), this is only the second one that’s ever turned out like this. And the photos I took immediately after don’t look like that at all.

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Today I drove both girls to preschool, and I hooked them up with some Taylor Swift songs via Spotify. As they were singing along to “Love Story” at the top of their lungs in the two booster seats behind me in the SOLID GOLD MINIVAN, I realized that instead of singing about ROMEO and Juliet, the two of them were belting out GNOMEO and Juliet every time that part of the lyrics came around in the song, like this: “Gnomeo take me somewhere we can be aloooooooone…”

When we got to their preschool, I asked them as we got out of the car what they thought the song was about, and they both began chattering happily over each other about gnomes and Gnomeo and Taylor Swift’s love of gnomes…

It turns out that both girls are 100% certain that Taylor Swift is simply CRAZY for gnomes. (“And fairies too,” added C. “But not trolls because they’re hateful.”)

And of course, I told them that I think they must be right.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8xg3vE8Ie_E

UPDATE: This evening the girls told me they would really like to listen to “The Pixie Chicks.”

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After talking to others and considering the options l, I decided to go with two of the Greene’s brand, cedar raised bed kits.

These kits are modular, so you can put them together in various ways, and they are made of wonderful-smelling cedar that’s chemical-free. They require NO tools except a screwdriver to add the end caps. Everything just slides together in dovetailed pieces.

Today, for Mother’s Day, I went and bought my Greene’s kits at Home Depot.

I got them home and began assembling, and quickly realized that they were going to be every bit as easy to assemble as advertised. Total snap. Here’s how the corners fit together.

Within 20 minutes I had the whole thing set up where I wanted the new beds to be – along my fence row.

The beds are extremely sturdy and well made, and I think that the end caps on each corner give them a nice finished look. I plan to paint mine purple (!!!)

My only complaint is that the single kits aren’t really deep enough for any plant that has serious roots, unless you prep the soil under. But because they’re modular, it’s easy to make them as deep as you need by stacking.

If you’re considering building or buying raised garden beds, I’d definitely recommend these Greene’s kits.

And if any of y’all have any tried and true tips for raised bed veggie gardening – especially growing pumpkins or watermelons in raised beds – I’d love it if you would share with me in the comments below.
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Well, when I planted them, I trimmed the plants down to the ground, and today, the first new bloom is a-blooming!

Isn’t it pretty? It should get much larger in diameter, but you get the idea.

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