Man Among Boys

Heroes Don’t Have Capes; They Have Braces and the Occasional Bad Attitude

Zac Kemp — Tue, 06 Jun 2023 08:48:34 +0000

My oldest son will be headed off to college in a year. I have tried my hardest to slow the process down but have quickly learned that I am not in control of time. The other day, my wife asked my son what kind of graduation party he would like to have. I was in the other room, but quickly interjected, “Why in the world are you already talking about graduation? We still have a year!” My wife had a better perspective, “No, we only have a year!” Yikes!

This has hit our family hard. My oldest is a typical oldest child. He is mature, he is responsible, and he is a leader and a hero to his brothers. The thought of him not being present daily in our home is not only hard on mom and dad, but also on his younger brothers. He and our middle son (15) are two years apart and are best friends (best friends who fight sometimes). Until this past year they have shared a bedroom. Most of that time was by choice. They opted to use one bedroom to sleep in and one to set up for video games and hanging out. My middle son said to me the other day, “Dad, I’m going to have a really hard time when he goes to college. I’m not gonna lie, its going to be rough!”

We dropped my oldest off at our state’s highway patrol summer camp the other day. My nine-year-old would not stop hugging him. Even though it was only seven days, it felt to him like he was moving out. Later that evening the emotions settled in, and he broke down. He could not get himself under control. I was proud of my oldest the day before. He knew our youngest was having a hard time, so he took him to the store, bought him two new toys, and then came home and played with him in his bedroom for an hour. It meant the world to him.

When my son broke down crying, I could not get him to settle down. He and my middle son have a different relationship than the oldest and youngest. They rarely get along. My wife and I have hoped that when the time comes that our second oldest son will step up and be the leader to his younger brother that his older brother has been for him. As my son laid in his bed sobbing hysterically, his big brother came in and told him to, “Hey, you wanna go see the new Spiderverse movie? Get up and get ready. It starts in an hour!”

I heard this happening from the next room so I rounded the corner to see what would transpire. My youngest got up from his bed, walked over to his brother and bear hugged him for a good 30-seconds. I’m always proud of all my sons, but in that moment, I wanted to bear hug him too. I didn’t. I let them have their moment (I did bear hug him later!). This was the sign that I needed to see from him that he would finally see his brother, not as a nuisance, but as a friend.

Many times, when we think of heroes, we picture capes, superpowers, and abs so defined that they show through a shirt. What we don’t always see is the true heart of a messy haired, brace faced, somewhat mouthy teenage boy. I was so proud and grateful to see his heart in that moment. He filled the shoes of his big brother’s absence. His older brother has always been there for him in this way, and he recognized that he can play this same role. We have been trying to help him see this for years, but in the moment that really mattered, he stepped up. He was a hero.

How Do We Help Our Kids Get There?

The main answer to this question is patience. Your child is in a growing process. Have patience that your child will get where they need to be. What are you having patience in? You are having patience in the foundation that you are building in them. Don’t give up on them and don’t give up on investing, teaching, coaching, and supporting them in getting there. You are not a failure as a parent just because your child is not completely where you would like them to be. The only way to truly fail is to give up. Although parenting brings so much joy, it can very often be a source of frustration. If you feel like you are failing as a parent, then it may mean that you need to devote more time in creating intentional connections with your child.

In my book. The Summer of Dad Challenge – 30 Days to Becoming a More Intentional Father, I provide a simple guide for you to jumpstart a lifestyle of greater connection with your kids. You can follow my 6 Zones of Connection to help create a well-balanced connection. Use the 6 Zones of Connection to start bonding with your kids each day.

6 Zones of Connection:

SPEAK – connect through an intentional time of talking and listening.
DEVELOP – connect through guiding, coaching, and supporting your child in a skill or interest.
DISCIPLINE – connect through developing daily habits of discipline.
HEALTH – connect through the promotion of healthy lifestyle habits.
WORK – connect through working toward or accomplishing something of value.
PLAY – connecting through creating rest, laughter, adventure, or just having fun.

Does This Create Heroes?

No. This creates the connection that you need between you and your child so that: 1. You can build the foundation that they need to be successful in life, and, 2. The intentional connection helps you grow the needed patience to trust the process in building the foundation. Becoming a hero is something they learn by watching you. You are the hero in their life because one day they will see and understand the love you had for them as you never game up on them. You never waivered through the hard things. You trusted the process and had patience to see them develop into the young man or women that they were destined to be.

Start Here

The greatest and most simple way you can grow these connections and become a hero in their lives is to say this to your child daily:

I Love You
I’m Proud of You
You Have What It Takes!

The post Heroes Don’t Have Capes; They Have Braces and the Occasional Bad Attitude first appeared on Man Among Boys.

The Summer of Dad Challenge – 30 Days to Becoming a More Intentional Father

Zac Kemp — Thu, 25 May 2023 08:57:47 +0000

The Summer is officially here for my family! Yesterday was the last day of school and as my youngest son said, “It’s time for The Summer of Dad!”

If you followed my social media last summer, then you may be familiar with The Summer of Dad. Last spring marked the close of a long and difficult chapter and the beginning of some new transitions for me and my family. It was a busy season, and our summer calendar was filling up fast. I knew there would be no way to get everything done and make the connections with my sons that I wanted to. The previous ten summers were devoted to my business. That is not the way I wanted it, but my business demanded everything I had in the hot summer months.

I did pipeline construction work and If I wasn’t working, then I wasn’t making money. Where I live, the summers are hot and humid. They take everything out of you, physically and mentally. Especially when you are out in them day in and day out. Your body moves slower to not overheat. Therefore the workdays become much longer. Most of our days were sunup to sundown. If I wasn’t working on the weekend, then I was resting and preparing for the next grueling week. I rarely looked forward to vacationing because I was too exhausted. And, I knew that the work that I left behind would cause the next several days or weeks to be even worse.

This is why last summer, the first summer after transitioning from my company, was so important to me. I was excited to have a summer where I could focus on my family. But, as summer was approaching, things started to get hectic. Some of them were good things, but others were not. A few from the long list were my wife having a major surgery and then her landing and starting a great new job. My son had a car accident, and then multiple visits to the emergency room (unrelated to the car accident). You can read more about these in my upcoming book (coming soon).

I was not going to allow these unexpected things to take control of our summer. I knew that in order to make the connections with my family that I desired, I was going to have to be very intentional. In late spring, I formed a plan. I called it The Summer of Dad.

For several weeks I prepared for The Summer of Dad by writing out how I wanted to connect with my boys. I developed systems that would allow me to stay accountable. I developed what I now call The 6 Zones of Connection. These would be the six areas that I would focus on to make intentional connections with my sons. I believe that all fathers should strive to connect with their kids in these six areas. Here are the six zones.

The 6 Zones of Connection

SPEAK: to connect through an intentional time of talking and listening.
DEVELOP: to connect through guidance, coaching, and supporting a skill or interest.
DISCIPLINE: to connect through developing daily habits of discipline.
HEALTH: to connect through the promotion of healthy lifestyle habits.
WORK: to connect through working toward and accomplishing something of value.
PLAY: to connect through rest, laughter, adventure, or just having fun.

Each day, I planned an activity or what I call an “intentional time” with at least one of my boys that fell in one of these zones. I made sure that I covered each zone each week. There are two things that I determined early on that were key in making these connections: intentionality and consistency. Being intentional was the whole purpose in developing the program, but consistency is what was going to make it a lifestyle. My boys quickly echoed my enthusiasm for The Summer of Dad, and they looked forward to their one-on-one times with me.

I decided to post my progress and pics as I went through The Summer of Dad. I was amazed at how many people were following along. Many people reached out to me to tell me that they were inspired by my posts. They too started planning intentional routines and activities with their children. Some of these men even grew the signature The Summer of Dad mustache!

I primarily focus on reaching dads who are raising sons, but I was excited that many moms reached out to me. I also heard from dads who were raising daughters. They shared with me how they were trying to incorporate the things they saw me doing. It was amazing!

The Summer of Dad Challenge

What I have learned as a result of starting Man Among Boys is that many fathers want to be better. They want a better connection with their sons. They just don’t know how. The desire is there. These men just need a kickstart and pointed in the right direction. Thus, The Summer of Dad Challenge.

Because of the success that I experienced last summer, I began creating ways in which to inspire other fathers to do the same. I started posting daily videos on social media that I called the “Daily Man Among Boys Message.” These messages give a short lesson and conversation starter for fathers and sons. I also worked to create a way in which fathers could join me in The Summer of Dad. I decided to make it a challenge in the hopes that men would take this opportunity to jumpstart their own intentionality with their sons or daughters.

The Summer of Dad Challenge is a thirty-day challenge that focuses on the main concept that every father needs in order to create and grow a connection with his kids. Intentionality. Connecting is intentional. Not only is it intentional, but it is also your responsibility. It is not your son’s or daughter’s responsibility to create the connection. It is yours.

Stay Tuned!

I will be launching The Summer of Dad Challenge in just a few days! I am excited to put this challenge out there for all of you men. The Summer of Dad Challenge book will be hitting Amazon very soon. The book will explain in detail how the challenge works and will also serve as a workbook to help you navigate through the 30-days.

Grow the ‘stache…spend time with your kids!

Why The ’Stache!

As summer began in 2022, the popular Netflix series “Stranger Things” was premiering the much-anticipated new season. My boys and I are big fans. Our good friends asked if we wanted to get our two families together for a “Stranger Things” party to watch the premier. Everyone dressed up in their best 80’s look. I decided to show up as the character, Jim Hopper. “Hopper” is known for his great 80’s mustache. I already had a beard, so all I needed to do was shave it leaving the mustache. I didn’t tell anyone that this was my plan. About an hour before we left, I shaved the beard. It was a hit! My boys loved it. One of my teenage sons said, “Dad, you should leave the mustache the entire summer as part of The Summer of Dad!” So I did. Thus, The Summer of Dad ‘stache!

I highly encourage you to grow The Summer of Dad ‘Stache! Although, it is not required.

Let’s Go!!!

Be looking for the announcement of when The Summer of Dad Challenge book is available! Make this the summer that you launch into a lifestyle of connecting with your kids!

The post The Summer of Dad Challenge – 30 Days to Becoming a More Intentional Father first appeared on Man Among Boys.

How to Begin the Journey Toward Finding Purpose

Zac Kemp — Tue, 23 May 2023 08:09:44 +0000

One of the best parts of the venture I am on is that it has led to some great new connections and friendships from across the country and world. This “venture” really means that I am finally walking in my purpose. It has been a brutal fight through some very hard years. But knowing my purpose and taking some steps, leaps, and bounds in it has created some important connections. These steps, many of them outside of my comfort zone, has allowed me to interact with some great men. It has allowed me to connect with many of you.

I recently had a conversation with a new friend over the phone. He is a young man and father who is headed in a good direction in life. He is diligently seeking his purpose as a man, and I know that he will soon find it. He and I met as part of a team inside of a mastermind group. He asked me if we could visit about some of the things that I am working on for men and fathers. As we talked, he said something that stuck with me. It was a profound statement and one that I believe each one of you should latch on to. He told me,

“I want to be around other men who know and are fulfilling their purpose.”

He gets it! If you are in pursuit of your purpose, then this is one of the main keys to unlocking it. One of the greatest ways to understanding direction in your life is to be around other men who are confident in theirs. If you want to know and walk in your purpose, then stop isolating yourself from the men who can help you find it. You must put yourself in places where you can connect with other men who are either on the journey or leading the way.

The Two Questions

I believe there are two questions that burn deep inside the heart of every man. One of those questions is, “Who am I.” The other, as Wild At Heart author John Eldredge says, “Do I have what it takes?” Do you have what it takes? The answer is, Yes! The real question, is do you realize it? This takes us to the first question, “Who am I,” or in other words, “What is my purpose?”

There is not a secret recipe or a 12-step program to answering this question. The answer is unique to you. I, nor anyone else, can tell you what you are supposed to do in life. You, like everyone else, have to be willing to take the journey. I encourage you not to neglect this journey. It seems that many men give up when they see that the journey is difficult. The journey, the process of finding purpose, is as important as any end result. The journey is where you find the tools and training necessary to carry out your calling.

This is why it is important to be around other men who are fulfilling theirs. Although they cannot tell you what your purpose is, they can show you the way. They can inspire you. They can ground you. They can walk with you. They can keep you accountable. Other men cannot walk the journey for you, nor can they fight your internal battles. But they can be there to help you remain focused.

You most likely have heard this old saying, “Friends are like buttons on an elevator. They either take you up or down.” Who are your closest friends? Who are the men in your life? Are they lifting you up? If not, then find the men that I am writing about. Find the men who are going to help you reach your potential. Just like the friend that I recently spoke with, you too have to understand this important concept. Get around men who know their purpose; men who have been on the journey.

The post How to Begin the Journey Toward Finding Purpose first appeared on Man Among Boys.

Does Your Calendar Reflect What You Are Intentional About?

Zac Kemp — Thu, 18 May 2023 08:00:29 +0000

I often hear men use this phrase, “I live and die by my calendar.” I know what they mean by this. It is another way of saying, “I am busy and anything of importance is on the calendar.” Your calendar tells you what to do. It is a personal assistant that allows your mind to stay focused on the task at hand instead of trying to figure out what you need to do next. It alleviates that fear of forgetting about a meeting, a work deadline, a doctor’s appointment, or a child’s baseball game. It is the things that you have deemed important. Your calendar is a list of your intentional things.

What is on your list of intentional things? I am guessing work, important dates, kids’ activities, and appointments. I am sure your to-do list is there and maybe some goals. But what about relationships? Are relationships important to you? Do they make the list of important things that you are intentional about? You might immediately say, “Yes.” But I can tell you what you are intentional about by looking at your calendar.

I have been writing a lot lately about the importance of relationships for men. Recently in another post, How Does A Man Stay Sharp, I shared a statistic that I read several years ago. It said that less than one percent of all men over the age of thirty-five have at least one other man in their life that they can have deep and meaningful conversations with. Less than one percent! That is barely a step higher than zero percent of men. Why is this?

I believe there are many factors for this, but one is our list of intentions, or in other words, our calendar. Of course, the real reason for this statistic goes much deeper than our calendar. For starters, our insecurities, internal wounds, appearance of toughness, not knowing our purpose, and not understanding who we really are as a man are some of the main culprits. Pursuing intentional relationships do not allow us to keep these things hidden. Relationships expose us. But our list of intentions, the things that we “live or die by,” do not include reversing this unfavorable stat.

If you want to grow past the insecurities and wounds, and if you want to grow in your purpose and identity, then you are going to need relationships. The very thing that we avoid is one of the important keys to our success in life. Our relationships are important and should rank highly on the list of things that earn our intentional time. Does your “live or die” calendar reflect this?

For a long time, mine did not. It does now, and it has made all the difference in my life. My weekly calendar now has intentional time scheduled just for relationships. I am intentional about connecting with my wife, my sons, my friends, and my soon-to-be friends.

What are you living or dying by? Is it work and appointments only? Do you value relationships? If you say yes, then prove it by your calendar. I challenge you today to look at your calendar, your intentional things, and see if you have deemed connecting with others important. If you are married, then block some time to spend uninterrupted with your wife. If you have kids, then schedule a moment of one-on-one time this week. Also, get something on there that involves a friend or someone you would like to get to know better. Schedule a meeting, a lunch, or a time that you are just going to make a phone call to someone.

Make it a habit, an intention, every week to mark your calendar with intentional time for your relationships. If you live or die by your calendar, then you cannot be an intentional husband, intentional father, or intentional friend if these moments do not make the scheduling cut.

Take control of your calendar, take control of your relationships, and take control of your life. Make a list of the things that are most important to you. These are the things that you are intentional about. Review your calendar and make sure that it reflects the things you listed. If you are going to tell people that you live or die by your calendar, then make sure that your calendar has the things that are essential for your life, for your growth, and for the fulfilling of your purpose.

The post Does Your Calendar Reflect What You Are Intentional About? first appeared on Man Among Boys.

Take the First Step

Zac Kemp — Tue, 16 May 2023 08:03:17 +0000

I was a high school football coach when my two oldest boys were little. My wife and I planned to have them two years apart. We also planned for them to be born in the off-season rather than during a busy high school football season. I didn’t see my wife very much during the fall and she agreed that would not be the ideal time to go into labor. We always joked that we planned a little too well as our off-season babies’ birthdays are only 5 days apart!

It was also during an off-season that my oldest was pulling up and standing on his own. He was right at the stage where he was ready to walk but hadn’t taken a step yet. On one particular occasion, my wife was out of town, and I had my son, Ian, with me at an off-season workout. He crawled around for a while on the old artificial turf that made up the floor of our weight room. The turf was an old green astroturf and it came from the Buffalo Bills game field. Ian seemed to be mesmerized by the boys working out and eventually grabbed hold of a bench and pulled himself up. He stood with one hand on the bench to balance himself and then he did it. He took a step. Then he took another, and another. He took ten steps before crashing to the turf!

Leading up to this day, my wife and I had been encouraging him to take that first step. He was ready but just didn’t have the courage yet to do it. For some reason, that day he was ready. Maybe it was the energy from watching those high school boys. Maybe it was the encouragement from feeling part of a team. Who knows, but he did it. His first step was ten steps! I have always reminded him how cool it was that his first steps were taken in a weight room on the same turf that the great Thurman Thomas ran up and down on!

It’s hard taking that first step. You don’t know what is going to happen. You’ve never done it before. Its scary. What if you fall? What if it hurts? What if its embarrassing? What if you just flat out fail?

Here are a few more “What If’s.”

What if you don’t fall?
What if you do fall but get right back up again?
What if it builds your much needed confidence?
What if unlocks your hidden courage?
What if it’s the beginning of the greatest thing you’ve ever done?
What if it’s the start of discovering and fulfilling your purpose?

What if, just like my son, that first step was so powerful that before you knew it you were ten steps away from where you originally stood?

For most reading this, I do not know you. We’ve probably never met. But there are some things that I do know about you. This is what I know.

You have dreams and goals.
You desire to be a good man to those around you.
You desire to be a good husband to one woman.
You desire to be a good father to your kids.
You were created with value and a purpose to fulfill.

The first step to accomplishing these is to, well, take the first step. Too many men know the path in their heart but remain frozen in fear. The wrong “what if’s” keep us standing still, or worse, moving backwards. What a different life you might live if you just took the first step toward your dreams, goals, and purpose. What a different world we would live in if men could break out of the complacency and fulfill their callings. What if taking your first step led you to a joy that you never knew existed?

Many times the hardest part on the journey toward your goals and dreams is just taking that very first step. This doesn’t mean the rest of the journey is easy, but the mental, emotional, and physical momentum from breaking that barrier between standing still and that first step is powerful. So, get the hard part over with and take the first step.

Men, you have what it takes!

The post Take the First Step first appeared on Man Among Boys.

A Mother’s Day Message from a Son

Zac Kemp — Thu, 11 May 2023 08:51:52 +0000

Man Among Boys was created to help fathers forge a better connection with their sons. The mission is to help men who are raising the next generation of men. Man Among Boys just means fathers who are raising sons. There is an obvious disconnect between so many fathers and sons. John Eldredge, author of the popular men’s book Wild At Heart, calls this “the wound.” Man Among Boys began as an answer, a solution, a resource, for men who want to combat the cries for men to disappear or as one person scolded me on social media, I “need to take a step back.” I cannot take a step back. The young men of a new generation need fathers.

When you know your calling and your purpose there is a courage that fuels you. I know where my courage comes from. My courage is from God, but it was modeled to me by a woman.

So many mothers send messages to me who follow either my writing or the “Daily Man Among Boys Message” that I put out on social media. Some of these mothers are single parents. They value the role of a father but unfortunately there is not one present for their son. Although they may have hurt from a man, they still desire for their son to grow into a good, loving, strong, and confident masculine man. Several tell me that they even play my videos for their sons every morning. This may be one of the few if not ithe only positive message they are hearing from a father’s voice.

As my message and my audience has evolved, I want to make sure that I am always including these mothers as they are many times filling the role of two parents in a young boy’s life. I am grateful to have had a strong mother and father. But my dad would be the first to tell you that our family appreciates and has relied many times on the strength and courage that my mom provides.

My Mom

My mom grew up in the midst of divorce, alcoholism and addiction. Her only stability came from a God-fearing grandmother and a neighbor family that picked her up on Sundays to take her to church. In her junior year of high school, she ran away from home to live with an aunt in another town. That year, in a new high school, she met my dad. He was a senior and he was smitten with the new girl. A few months after my mom graduated from high school, she found out that she was expecting a child…yours truly.

My parents always joke, although not a joke, that “it all started with the three of us.” My parents were only married a few months before I arrived. They were teenagers…kids raising a kid.

I cannot imagine the courage my teenage mom had to find as she stood, along with my dad, in the face of many external voices. These voices, and I mean actual voices, encouraged her to move on…without me and/or without my dad. She had a life ahead of her. My dad had a life ahead of him. They each had plans, dreams, hopes, and a future that did not begin with pregnancy out of wedlock.

My mom will tell you that not only did she save my life, that I saved hers as well. She will also tell you, there was never a decision for her. My mom chose, in an instant, that her love, her joy, her calling, her fulfillment, and her life’s work was to be a mother. Those last couple of statements may rub some the wrong way, but this is not your story. It is my mom’s story. It is my story. And I am grateful that I have a story.

My mom now has four grown children. One of us was adopted and has been a part of our family since she was three days old. My mom has been a mother-figure to multitudes of now grown children through her years serving in mothers-day-out programs and through foster care. She is a true mother at heart. There are times that I struggled as a young man thinking that I caused my mom to miss out on some alternate path. This never came from my mom, but from my immaturity. My mom was settled from the beginning that I became the dream. She has never wavered.

My mom said something to me several years back that has always stuck with me. As we were celebrating an accomplishment in my life and journey, she said, “You know, I have always thought of your accomplishments as mine as well.” This was very profound to me. My mom does not live through me, nor does she have any type of unhealthy attachment to me or my siblings. She has always given me space to be my own person, my own man.

This statement is special to me because I know what she means. And if anyone deserves to celebrate my achievements it is the woman who gave everything for me. She laid down her life, dreams, and ambitions to make sure that I could become whatever I dreamed of. She established the beginnings of a legacy. A true leader understands the importance of legacy over self. Because of the hard work, the strength, and the courage that she displayed as a very young woman, she now celebrates the lives and successes of her children and grandchildren.

I do not have any pressure from mom to accomplish anything. But what I do have is a joy, an inspiration, and fulfillment in inviting my mom to celebrate along with me in everything that I do and may have success in. She deserves it. She is the reason.

Many of you moms may relate to this. I want to give you permission to not just celebrate your children, but to celebrate alongside of them. You give so much of your lives, everything, to your children. Often, ok…maybe always, there is no thank you and no perceived gratefulness for the never-ending needs that you so sacrificially provide. You need to celebrate alongside your kids. Their successes are your successes. You deserve it. You are the reason.

Happy Mother’s Day to my mom, my hero. Thank you for your courage. Thank you for my courage.

Happy Mother’s Day to my beautiful wife, the hero of my three boys. Happy Mother’s Day to my mother-n-law who continually raises the bar for what a grandmother should be.

Happy Mother’s Day to all of you mom’s, heroes, who are raising the next generation of great men and women!

The post A Mother’s Day Message from a Son first appeared on Man Among Boys.

How To Change Your Direction By Changing Your Thoughts

Zac Kemp — Tue, 09 May 2023 08:05:41 +0000

Has someone ever said something to you, or you heard a quote, or maybe you read a motivational line that is forever engrained in your mind? In my early twenties, right after graduating college, I had the opportunity to take a course taught by Bob Harrison. Bob, also known as “Dr. Increase,” is a well-known best-selling author and speaker. Bob spoke one of these lines to my class that I have never forgotten. I tried to write it in my notes, but I couldn’t remember the exact words. Thankfully, each session was recorded, so the next day I bought the cassette tape. Yes, I said cassette tape. Google it if you are not sure what a cassette tape is, ha!

I listened to the line over and over again. I wrote it on an index card so I could memorize it. For me, it is one of those few lines that has become a part of me. It has had a high level of impact because it has proven true in my life many times. Bob said, “You will always move in the direction of the most dominant images that you allow to reside in your mind.”

I later had the opportunity to teach a couple of Bob’s grandsons in school and coach one of them in football. I was a defensive coordinator and linebacker coach at the time, and Robert, named after his grandpa, set the school single season record for tackles his senior year. He and I forged a special bond and still meet every now and then over a meal. At one of these meetings a few years back, I shared with him the line that I am writing about today. He knew the line well as it was also something instilled in him growing up.

“You will always move in the direction of the most dominant images that you allow to reside in your mind.”

What do you think about the most? Do negative thoughts flood your mind every morning when you wake up? Do you lie in bed at night in fear? Do you seek unhealthy avenues of escape in the hopes of not being overwhelmed in your thought life? I ask these questions because there was a dark season of my life as a man that I answered, “Yes,” to these questions. It was a negative loop cycle that had no ending. I had to force myself to break the cycle and overcome these areas of torment in my mind. There is no way for you to move in the direction of your true purpose when the forefront thoughts of your mind are pulling you in the opposite direction.

If you want out of this vicious cycle, then you have to decide to take action. You must change the images that you are allowing. Yes, you are in charge. You “allow” or do not “allow” these thoughts. You have a say. You have a choice. You have authority.

If you want freedom in your thought life, if you want control, if you want your life to move in a different direction, then start today to do things differently in your daily life and routine.

Here are some of the impactful ways in which I learned to change my thoughts and change the direction I was headed.

Pray. I am a firm believer in prayer. I spend time praying every day communicating with God.
Read. Reading is one of the healthiest things you can do for your mind. The most successful people in the world, the high achievers, the thought leaders all read daily.
Unplug. I enjoy watching a good movie with my family, streaming the new action thriller series, or checking my social media accounts. But if I am using these as continual escape mechanisms, then these are not healthy, and it is time to unplug.
Connect. During my dark season, I did not want to connect with anyone. I eventually had to force myself to get out, set up weekly calls or meetings with friends, lead groups at church, and say yes to my wife more often about going out with other couples.
Find Creative Outlets. Pursue your purpose and then find ways to be creative and for others to enjoy your creativity. I started a blog…here we are!
Speak Differently. Pay attention to the words coming out of your mouth. These words are usually coming from the overflow of your heart. If your words are negative, then your heart and thoughts may be negative as well. Be disciplined in changing your speech to reflect how you want your mind to operate. There is much to say in the Bible and in scientific research about the power of your words.
Give. One of the greatest ways to heal your mind and heart is to help others heal. Your messages that I receive on social media (minus the few who hate that I am helping men be better) are a constant reminder to me that I must keep my mind in check and stay the course.
Overcome. Get off the easy road, the path to least resistance. It leads nowhere! Start tackling some hard things that you know are in your way. Each time you overcome, you grow in confidence and positive mindset.
Love. Stop disliking everyone and give others the benefit of the doubt. This is what you want from others so do it yourself. In my dark season, I was judgmental. Having this quality is an outward sign to others that you are not doing well. Love your family and friends. Find ways to show love and kindness to others around you, even the ones that make it hard. This is remarkably freeing.

Men, you have some work to do. Take control of your mind and begin moving in better directions. You are valuable. You are needed. You have what it takes!

The post How To Change Your Direction By Changing Your Thoughts first appeared on Man Among Boys.

5 Things A Father Should Teach His Son

Zac Kemp — Thu, 04 May 2023 08:46:28 +0000

I am grateful to have had, and still have, a great dad. But from the many messages that I receive from men and women, I know that is unfortunately not everyone’s story. I regularly hear from men who grew up with no father or a father who they want to be nothing like. I also hear from many women who are raising sons by themselves who are searching for ways to help their boys grow into good men. I applaud these single moms for being such heroes in their sons’ lives. Your messages daily confirm to me the need for men to speak up and share what they know or invite others alongside their own journey as a man and father. I am honored that Man Among Boys is serving in some capacity to help men and women raise the next generation of great men.

Unfortunately, we all are aware of the great issue of fatherlessness that we have faced over the last many years. It is an increasingly growing problem. A quick search on the internet can produce the devastating statistics for you to read for yourself. We are seeing the fruit of this now as our young men are timid, passive, weak, alone, and confused. They don’t know who they are. If you follow my writing or my social media videos, then you know how passionate I am about men understanding who they are. I believe this is the biggest question men are facing. Do you know who you are?

My story is far from perfect. I face insecurities. I have hurt. I have made many mistakes and will continue to make more. But what I am grateful for is a great father along with other men in my life who have shown me the way to be a man. And equally important, I had a mom (my hero) who understood the importance of raising a boy to be a strong, masculine, discerning, compassionate, and bold leader. I am a man who fully understands and appreciates the work a mother does for her boys. You mothers are vital in raising good men. Mothers, keep your head up and stay diligent. You are doing a great work and one day you will be richly rewarded as you watch your young men become great husbands and fathers. One day, your son may tell you that you are his hero.

What Should A Man Learn From His Father?

We will discuss five things that a father should have taught his son. This is not a complete list and there are far more than five things. But, for now we will start will these five. I believe these are important truths that a man should have been shown by another man, preferably his father.

How to Follow a Code of Ethics

Every man should have a system of values that lead and guide him. Some call this a moral code, a code of ethics, or a value system. These values are what keep a man accountable. They are what should direct him in decision making. They are his moral compass. My value system comes from my faith and Biblical principles. Where do yours come from? How do you know right from wrong? Do you have a code of ethics that you can lean on or fall back on when dealing with others? Every man needs something to keep him on the straight and narrow otherwise he is blown around by every wind that sweeps through. Without a value system, men are confused, not knowing what to think, what to believe, or where to firmly stand. Without this, he is most likely to be led by emotions rather than purpose.

How to Process Emotions

As I said in the previous sentence, men are not to be led by emotions. Emotions are how we are designed to process things in life. They are not a foundation for guidance and leadership. A person can be happy one minute and the very next heartbroken. Emotions are necessary but can lead us in wrong directions and down roads that are destructive such as addiction or abuse for example. Emotions are tools to help us but are not the same as our purpose or our value system. Men should be taught by their father how to process these emotions, how to communicate them, and how to use them to grow as men, husbands, fathers, friends, and leaders.

Boys need to know that it is okay to feel any emotion. Feeling or expressing an emotion does not make you weak. The problem lies in what we do with that emotion. Feeling anger is natural. But if I use that anger to hurt someone, that is wrong. If I feel sad and I hurt myself that is wrong. Even happiness, if it becomes our leader, can lead us to unhealthy outcomes. If it makes me happy to lay around everyday binge-watching shows and eating junk food, then that is wrong. A father must teach his son healthy ways to process, discuss, and express his emotions in ways that are healthy to him and to others.

How to Communicate with Others

Unfortunately, many men use these incorrectly processed emotions to affect relationships with those that they love or spend time with. It is easy for our emotions to drive our communication. If we are angry, sad, or stressed we can either lash out or shut down. Many men bottle these feelings up and do their best to ignore them. These can become insecurities that greatly affect how we communicate with others. I enjoy having deep conversations with other men, but I have to search hard to find men who can do this. Most keep everything far beneath the surface because they were never correctly taught how to have confidence in who they are.

Everything circles back to my big question, “Who are you?” I can easily discern between a man who is confident and one who is trying to appear confident. One knows who he is and the other is masking his insecurities. This is all part of communication. When men are confident in who they are, they can stand up straight, look someone in the eye, answer questions with real thoughts and feelings, and can converse with someone else in genuine and meaningful ways. Men should be shown by their father how to communicate with others. They should be taught how to connect with others on deeper levels than discussing how many inches of rain we received last Thursday, or did you catch the game last night?

How to Sharpen Yourself

I recently shared in another post, “How Does A Man Stay Sharp,” ways in which a man can sharpen himself. Please go back and read this post if you have not already. Here, I am going to just discuss one of the ways, the number one way, that a man stays sharp. There is a very popular saying among men, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” This is not just a saying. It comes from a proverb in the Bible (Proverbs 27:17). Men are created to be whetstones, a sharpening stone, for other men. We are made with a more abrasive grit. An abrasive grit is necessary to sharpen a very hard material. My wife makes me a better man in so many ways, but I have learned that I also need the abrasiveness of another man to get that razor sharp edge.

I need other men holding me accountable, pushing me, providing those deep conversations I discussed earlier, and aiding me in finding and living out my purpose. Statistically speaking, the vast majority of men do not have even one other man in their life that they have a deep and meaningful relationship with. Most men have buddies that they have fun with, but there is not much sharpening going on. If you are a father, please show your son the importance of finding strong relationships with other men. As he grows, you should serve in this capacity for him until he develops these relationships on his own.

How to Love One Woman

Many women complain that it is hard to find a man who will commit. Have you ever heard that? Yes you have. I hate to be so redundant, but here is the big question again, “Who are you?” When men do not understand who they are, they struggle to commit, to be devoted, to show affection, and to ultimately allow someone else inside. When we do not have a confidence in who we are, we are not going to allow someone else in to see our mess and confusion. If you are a woman and reading this, this may be shedding light for you on why your husband seems so closed off. Or maybe this explains your teenage son.

Boys need to be shown by their father how to love a woman. He needs to see that a man can be strong, he can be a hero, and all the other macho things. But he should also see him be tender, soft, affectionate, protective, giving, and sacrificial with the unconditional love that he gives his wife. Not only does this show him how to love his own wife one day, but it also shows a boy how a man can be extremely devoted and faithful to all things that are important to him in life. It places value in appropriate areas. It teaches him there are things in life that are worth strapping on the armor and fighting ferociously for. If a boy sees his parents fight, then he should also see the process of forgiveness and reconciliation. I am aware that many, maybe most, reading this have experienced in some way the effects of separation, divorce, and unfaithfulness. This doesn’t take away from the message. If anything it should amplify the need for a man to model a commitment of love for his wife in front of his son.

These five things are important but are nowhere near an exhausted list. You may not have had a father teaching you these things, but that is not an excuse to not teach them to your son. Put yourself in places to learn from other good men. It is okay if you are a work in progress. I am. Just keep progressing and growing as a man and a father. When you make mistakes, and you will, make them right and keep moving forward. Your son can learn great lessons by watching his father fail and get back up, over, and over, and over. The greatest lesson you can live out for him is never giving up on being an intentional and present father to him.

Strive to be a great dad. Strive to be a Man Among Boys.

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When Is The Last Time You’ve Been Disturbed?

Zac Kemp — Tue, 02 May 2023 08:28:49 +0000

“Excuse me sir, sorry to disturb you.” When is the last time you have been disturbed? The word “disturb” has a negative connotation. It is undesirable and is something that we often apologize for when we intrude upon someone else. We do not like to be bothered or interrupted. It takes us out of our comfort zone, invades our space, and disrupts the processes that we have put in place.

To disturb, as defined by Merriam-Webster, means to interfere with, to interrupt, to upset the natural balance, to destroy the tranquility of, to throw into disorder, and to put to inconvenience. I admit that none of these descriptions sound pleasant. But I believe that sometimes this is exactly what we men need.

As men, we are good at creating safety. This is part of our protector instincts. This is a great quality as we provide and maintain a safe environment for our family. But we also use this quality to develop protection around our insecurities. We put systems in place that safeguard uncomfortable moments, conversations, and interactions with others. We try not to steer away from the paved path that someone else set before us. We settle for being peacekeepers instead of peacemakers. We exhaust ourselves working during our prime years, the years our kids need our presence the most, with the intent of creating security for an unknown future.

We need to be disturbed every now and then. I am a believer in having systems in place in your life. I believe in routines and accountability. But I also believe that those systems should be causing you to grow, not to be stuck in autopilot or coasting in cruise control. I implore you not to be a robot. You were not designed this way. You were created by the Creator to be creative. If you are not being creative, then you are not functioning in your created purpose.

Men, be disturbed, be bothered. We need to be interrupted from the mundane in order to dream, to grow, and to pursue our purpose. It seems that for many men, their goal in life is to just sit down. They dream of sitting in a golf cart, on a boat, or in a recliner. If your biggest goal in life is to sit down for the last thirty years of your life then, you need to be disturbed. You need, as Sir Francis Drake wrote, “to dare more boldly.”

I will leave you with this poem. I hope that all of us men will find the “strength, courage, hope, and love” that is written of here.

A prayer by Sir Francis Drake.

Disturb us, Lord, when
We are too well pleased with ourselves,
When our dreams have come true
Because we have dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely
Because we sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us, Lord, when
With the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst
For the waters of life;
Having fallen in love with life,
We have ceased to dream of eternity
And in our efforts to build a new earth,
We have allowed our vision
Of the new Heaven to dim.

Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,
To venture on wilder seas
Where storms will show your mastery;
Where losing sight of land,
We shall find the stars.

We ask You to push back
The horizons of our hopes;
And to push into the future
In strength, courage, hope, and love.

“Disturb.” Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary, Merriam-Webster, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/disturb. Accessed 1 May. 2023.

The post When Is The Last Time You’ve Been Disturbed? first appeared on Man Among Boys.

A Man’s Toolbox Tells His Story

Zac Kemp — Thu, 27 Apr 2023 08:13:00 +0000

My middle son loves to fish. So do I. He doesn’t have to twist my arm too hard as he often asks me to take him to the pond on our land just outside of town. Several years ago, I offered to buy him a new and larger tacklebox as he had outgrown his small child-sized one. It was overflowing with his favorite lures and miscellaneous fishing tools. He shocked me when he said, “No.” He pointed to a shelf in the garage and said, “Can I have that one?” His question surprised me, but also greatly blessed me. He had pointed to an old beat up, heavily used, out-of-date tacklebox. It was my grandpa’s tacklebox.

Toolboxes and tools that belonged to my grandpas are some of my prized possessions. I keep my own tools in them. They mean more to me than anything I could buy at the store. I developed a love for fishing from my grandpa Max. My dad let me have his tacklebox after he passed away in 2005. My grandpa Paul, my mom’s stepdad, loved to work on his old Ford truck. I have his toolbox with his automotive tools. Those tools have come in handy on more than one occasion. My wife’s Pa Pa gave me his WWII ammunition box after we first got married. I store my ammo in it. I look at it every day as it sits 12 inches away from me at my desk. I wrote about its meaning to me after he passed away (you can read about it here – Communicate Like a Man – The Ammo Can and the Language of a Great Generation of Men). My grandpa JD’s knife (made by my dad) and his duck call sit on my desk. These, along with the many other tools that I have accumulated from these men, mean the world to me.

When my son asked for my grandpa’s tacklebox, I said. “That box belonged to Grandpa Max.” All three of my grandpas (one a step-grandpa) passed before my sons were born. My son replied, “I know. That’s why I want it. Its special.” I reached up and grabbed it from the shelf and told him, “I would love for you to have it.” My son understood something that I believed was beyond his years. He wanted to feel connected to the men before him and realized that this tacklebox told an important story.

Although these toolboxes are a tangible memory of these men, what is special to me is the men they represent. These men left me with tools that are greater than anything I can hold in my hand or store in my garage. They paved a way for me in life. They directly and indirectly helped to shape me into the man I am today. These were good men, but they weren’t perfect. They were flawed. They had their own battles that they faced in life. They did not always win every battle. At times, their battles got the best of them. In some cases, hurt, depression, physical health issues, and even addiction followed. But, so did qualities of triumph, redemption, leadership, and many others that I am able to glean from and be proud of. These are my men, the men who came before me. I am grateful for their stories.

I realize that many of you reading this may not have memories of the men that came before you. Or your memories are not good ones. You may come from broken homes, abandonment, addiction, or abuse. For this, I apologize. Unfortunately, there may be no toolbox that was passed down to you or it may be full of tools that do not represent the man you want to be. The good news is that the real message that I want to give is that it is not about the toolbox that you may or may not have received. Rather, the importance is the one that you build and will one day give. Your toolbox is your life, your story. One day a boy may ask his dad if he can have your toolbox. What will be inside?

Will it be full of useful tools that can help him on his journey? Or will it be empty? Many toolboxes are thrown away because they were rendered useless. They represented more hurt than help. They brought pain rather than purpose. If you were fortunate enough to be given a toolbox, then make sure you add worth to it and build upon it for when you pass it along one day. If you were not so fortunate, then I still have good news for you. You get to build one from scratch. Your story will be special to your children and grandchildren because you were the one who created the foundation that they now get to stand on. A foundation that you did not have, but that you established. What a wonderful story to leave behind.

Begin building your toolbox now for men who will come after you. Your life is not just your own. Your life and your story will impact many. You must decide if that impact is hurtful or helpful. If it is full of pain or if it is full of purpose. I want my future grandson to ask his dad for my toolbox. I believe that you want the same.

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