Mango Mojito

Swingers Encounter

2009-06-22T10:57:00.004-04:00

Interesting weekend....and yet a pretty normal NYC saturday night. While trying to pick up the bartender and chatting with my friend (I'm a great multi-tasker), we were approached by an old bald guy. Being open-minded to conversations with any unpretentious jerk in the city, we joined a very amusing conversation. That old bald guy was hilarious, he had us rolling on the floor. After about 20 minutes, he introduced us to his wife who was engaged in a conversation with other people on the other side of the bar. She pulled up a chair and kept the entertainment going.

All was great until my friend got up to use the ladies room, and while she was gone, old bald man put his hand upon my knee, gave it a squeeze...asked me if I had a boyfriend...and gave me a filthy wink. I said no, and he shouted "Damn it" very loud, and then it hit me....I encountered my first Swingers invitation!

I immediately jumped up and ran towards the bathroom, and before I could get there, my friend grabbed me and gave me the same look of shock on her face as I had given her. Then we simultaneously shouted to each other "They're Swingers!!!" - and we ran out of there faster than men run away from commitment!! While we jumped in a cab, she told me that the wife followed her into the bathroom and made a move on her and asked her to come home with them. I'm born and raised in NYC and very little ever shocks me, but this shocked me! I should've known they would be "that couple" they were both unattractive, chubby, aging and exactly the kind of couple you never want to picture naked.

Weird - I've been picked up by lesbians, gay men, transvestites, straight women and once by a one-eyed hobo, but these swingers will always stand out among the rest! Thanks Kate and John for the laughs, but you scared the crap out of me!

Psycho Poet

2009-03-16T16:01:00.004-04:00

Ok, so here's Jerry, met him over a year ago at a random party that I crashed with a friend. I will never crash another random party again. No psycho bells and whistles went off so I thought I was in the clear and after a couple of phone calls and emails, we went on one date. It was nice, no sparks, but eventful and pleasant. Worth the free meal. After that date, he called me the next day and he recited a poem that he wrote for me....um, what? Yes, a poem. Now maybe some girls like this kind of retardation but that is the last thing I want to hear. Especially after one date, come on! I won't bore you with the details of this dumb ass 3rd grade poem, but I basically put the phone down and turned on the tv. When it was done, I said "thank you but i gotta go."

I stopped taking his calls or returning his messages, hoping he'd eventually get the message. UNTIL....about 8 months later, he send me a text message...another poem! Now this time, I was on a date, and I couldn't help but show him this dumb text. Mean, yes, but he left himself open for that. Later that night I met up with some girl friends for drinks and showed them all my text. They all agreed, it was CREEEEEEEEPY!

"Seasons grow cold, children grow old, blah, blah, blah...etc"

I'd like to warn any guys out there about their text messages to me, be careful what you type because I will laugh at you with my friends, dates, family, strangers on line at duane reade, starbucks and my co-workers...so be careful with whom you recite dumb-ass lyrics to.

Note to Creepy ass poem guy....step away from the pen and just stick to your day job 'cuz you're freaking out all of the women in NYC!!

Good Reads and Shirtless Jake Gyllenhall

2009-03-16T15:11:00.006-04:00

Just wanted to pass along some good online reads because I hate Mondays and Don't feel like writing anymore press releases:

Some interesting 10 Ten Dating Tips for relationships. I'm not sure if I necessarily agree with them, but then again, I'm not in a relationship. However they are missing one important tip that would no doubt be verrry useful to any couple and that is - how do I do the donkey move on one leg without losing my balance on heels as he is grabbing my hair? I almost dislocated a disc last time! Anyway, check out the boring tips here: Yahoo Dating Tips

In other related sex-position updates, check out Cosmo and their hot archives and see what you've done and what you're missing out on. I didn't know what I did last month was called the Pinwheel and one of my favorite workouts is the Head Game and Couch Canoodle! Funny, they don't have the donkey...hmmm. Well check it out anyway at Cosmo.com

NY Daily news reported last week that some psycho female was beating on her man. LOl. Not that it's right but it takes a secure man to really go to the police and file a domestic violence suit against a woman. She looks like some anorexic model, he can't just tell the bitch to step off and move on? I guess there are some crazy bitches out there too! NY Daily News

Which leads me to my advice for Rhianna - girlfriend, you have the total upper hand in this sitch. I'm sure you have your issues just like everyone else and maybe you like to throw some punches, but you need to step away from the wife-beaters! If I were you, I'd have a massive press conference in the middle of Times Square and layout all the dirt on Brown, Hell, I'd go on Oprah and tell her just what kind of scum bag he is. And then I'd write a book, make some more money, dedicate a whole album to girl beaters and go on tour and call it "Laughing My Way To The Bank Ex-Beater Brown."

On a sweeter note, here's a hot 'N sexy pic of a shirtless jake gyllenhall. mmmmm.

A Rambling Pet Peeve of Mystery

2009-03-16T14:33:00.005-04:00

Ok, big lou drives me crazy, and not in the "I can't wait to see him again" kind of way but in the "what is he saying" kind of way. He's extremely huge (in every way possible), bodyguard by night, i could climb him (in every way possible) and great with his hands - has nothing to do with the situation at hand, but I love to describe his zeus-like figure. But we're both busy peeps so we text each other more than we speak. Which is actually the way I like it. Keeps things simple.

Everynow and then he send me a text message during the day saying hello and misses me (with a question mark). And on the weekends, he's up all hours of the night working and texting me around midnight, saying "just wanted to say hi and hope i have a great weekend (with a question mark)" and sometimes he just says "big kisses ?"

OK -- what's with the question marks? If you say hello, end it accordingly, and don't use an irrational question mark. does he not know how to use a period at the end of a sentence? is he drunk and stupid? is he just stupid? Whatever it is, it's driving me crazy and I know it shouldn't bother me, but if you make a statement, end it appropriately. Don't say "hi sweetie ?" that just makes NO sense!

And for the record, I'll still tap that, but I won't be settling down with someone who doesn't know the difference between a period and a question mark!! i'm just saying...

Why French Men Don't Get Caught....

2009-03-13T17:16:00.003-04:00

I came across this article in Best Life magazine and thought it was an interesting read...must share with you all, Enjoy!

Why French Men Don’t Get Caught
In America, a lapse in monogamy ruins marriages, bankrupts couples, and condemns families to divorce-court hell. In Europe and elsewhere, infidelity is considered a bump in the road, if it's considered at all. Here's why....

Best Life Magazine - Frenchies

Girl Interrupted

2009-03-13T16:23:00.003-04:00

I was MIA, getting caught up in work and dumb men, am now drama-free (more or less) and have much to tell. We now bring you back to our regularly scheduled program.

(SIGH) lots of crazy men from the past few months, how did I become such a magnet! For starters, I went out on about 3 dates with a chef who seemed to have a good head on his shoulders. Jerry was very respectful and chivalrous, very gentleman-like. However, there was no heat so I stuck him in the friend zone but he did not like that very much. One day, he called me after he got out of work and of the blue and started talking dirty. That was hot! But it was just a one time thing...or was it. I stopped communicating with him so I never called him. He called me again a few weeks later and we had another sex talk. It lost its luster and I was done with it and with him. I'm beginning to see a new side of him. He continued to text me and email me trying to get me to phone him but I never did. I cut it off once again, stopped taking his calls and never reached out.

SIX months later, he continued calling me, texting me and emailing me. Once, a male friend of mine even got on the phone with him and told him to stop calling me. So sad but, he continued to call and text me and now...ONE YEAR later, he requested me as a friend on facebook....WTF?? Why would I want to be "friends" with a man i dated and hardly know on my private site in which i only disclose and share things with my real, true, dear friends? Jerry, jerry, jerry, you just don't get it.

I AM JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU DUDE!

Oh Holy Hot In Hell

2008-03-05T13:38:00.004-05:00

I'd like to thank the scandalous gods of the internet who have uncovered all of Javier Bardem's best assets.....what a FINE man he is! Oh yea, and not a bad actor either.

More pics found on DLISTED.com

Psycho Alert

2008-03-02T21:11:00.004-05:00

My radar is going off like bells and whistles...there is a new psycho in the area! I met John four days ago, at a bar (i never learn my lesson) and I stupidly gave him my phone number (i need an intervention).

He called me the following day and we talked for about an hour, he's nice and funny, but something was missing. Then he called me again the next day, we only spoke for about 30 minutes and I had to get off because I was meeting friends. He asked me to call him when I get home, no matter how late (um okay that's weird). I got home late and drunk and did not want to talk to him.

The very next morning, he sends me a text message....at about 9am on a saturday (WTF). I was hung over and not in the mood, so he lost all kinds of points. Then later he called with a restricted number and I picked up (like an idiot). I cut him off after about 15 minutes because I had to run out and meet some friends. Today (day four), he called in the morning, then around noon, then again about 15 minutes ago (pulling my hair out)..WTF!

I'm only surprised that he turned crazy so quickly, I didn't even see this one coming.....I feel like he might just shave his head and enter rehab or something! Just step away from the phone and take your pills John, all will be okay soon.

Cheaters

2008-02-19T12:05:00.005-05:00

The other day I was watching the hilarious TV show, Cheaters, and thought how lucky I was that the show didn't exist when I dated Henry. He was cheating on me with my best friend, Shavon, who's boyfriend (Tony) secretly sent me roses every week. But when I found out, all hell did not break loose, I just walked away from everyone. And I never looked back.

And although I never got to knock anyone out, or rip anyone's head off, or bash anyone against the wall, or kick anyone's nuts, I definitely had the last laugh. And after a few rounds of Tequila Sunrise (my drink of choice at the time) I realized my life was less stressful and much happier. I was especially smitten after everyone found out that skanky cheating slut, Shavon, was pregnant and didn't know who the father was! Yea, they definitely belonged on Jerry Springer. And Henry, well I already described his post-traumatic break-up psycho story about how he stalked me the following year (crazy cheating psychos always return with a vengeance).

In the end, it was my female intuition that led me to the conclusion that Henry was definitely creepin around....and since men are stupid, it was easy to get it out of him. But for those of you who may need some extra help, I came across this article from one of my favorite blogs: Dave Zinczenko's Mysteries of the Sexes Explained

It's an eye-opener, but I don't totally buy it all, it's the female intuition that is much more reliable! Just make sure you change your phone number after you break up with his lying dumb ass!

Post Valentines Ramblings

2008-02-15T11:21:00.005-05:00

Happy Belated Valentines' Day!

I hope everyone had a great day celebrating love. I woke up to a few text messages of non-crazy love wishes, which made my day. All day long, love was in the air, I saw roses and chocolates and teddy bears being delivered and it warmed my little grinch heart. But my favorite part of the day was during work while I was stressed out trying to manage all my difficult clients, I received a Valentine's Day e-card from a dear friend....and it is my all-time favorite card, ever!

After I called it quits on my stressful work day, I met up with a friend and had some drinks while we discussed Valentine's ghosts of past, present and future. And then we topped it off with my current situation with a possible future psycho in the brewing. I think I should nip it in the bud now (but then again I never learn my lesson), when all of a sudden I laid my eyes on what could be my future ex-boyfriend. Oh boy was he delicious! To quote Vince Vaughn, "he just eye-fucked the shit out of me!" Note to self: go back to that bar and get his status.

I eventually stumbled home and contemplated breaking out the rabbit but I fell asleep before I can finish my thought - boo. So that was my day this year....all in all a pretty good Valentine's Day. Much better than the time when I waited all night for my boyfriend to come home but instead he was busy screwing my best friend. But that's another story and I would have to dig up the old police report for fact-checking.

SEX DIARIES - NY MAG

Oh and I have to introduce you to my favorite new ramblings from NY Magazine, entitled simply "Sex Diaries." If you haven't checked it out yet, I strongly advise it, it sure puts a huge smile on my face! I can especially relate to their recent posting which includes:

- 10 p.m.: Contemplate masturbating, pass out before I can summon the strength to find my vibrator.

- 2:46 p.m.: Potential BF and I emerge from bedroom after hour-long sex. Love the fact that he doesn't seem to need/want anal.

and my favorite:

-6:48 p.m.: Vent to best friend, agree to refrain from taking his calls. Fall asleep remembering the way he could flip me across the bed with one hand.

You can read the full story here:
http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2008/02/the_multiorgasmic_woman_testdr.html#more

Hope Everyone got some Hot Piece of Ass!!

Two For One Special

2008-02-11T18:02:00.001-05:00

A lot of my friends still talk to their exes and are all still friendly with them, this to me is a foreign concept considering the fact that almost all of my exes are crazier than any of Britney's personalities. But then there are also the general idiots that while they are not crazy - they remain an "ex" for a reason and there is no reason to ever contact them.

One particular ex attained both special qualities of being an idiot and a psycho - I got the two for one special that day. That was David and because we dated for a while, we knew each other pretty well and had a great time together. At least until one night when he started hitting on a good friend of mine and asked her for her number....while in my home, and in my presence! Such a fucking idiot. So after everyone left that night, David stayed behind and expected to have sex. Umm....are you fucking kidding me?? He actually had the audacity to tell me that he didn't think that I would mind or care. Okay, so maybe he was a little bit more delusional than I thought, that's actually putting it nicely because I called him lots of things that night in many different vocabularies and languages for that matter.

After about six months and many failed attempts, David finally stopped contacting me. But it only lasted a while until I got a couple of 'drunk and dial' messages from him in the middle of the night; he left messages of PORN videos playing in the background. Yup, that's right, PORN with girls screaming in the background either "fuck me now" or just screaming to God and just shouting the general "yes, fuck me harder!"

What is wrong with you?

Okay crazy, take your pills and step away from the porn videos. Get a girlfriend (the kind that doesn't blow up) and move on.

On a scale of one to crazy - he ranked pretty high on my list!

Renaldo The Idol

2008-01-17T17:37:00.000-05:00

This guys is AWESOME!! I think I dated him once...
He's a different kinda crazy!

When To Dump Him

2008-01-16T13:53:00.001-05:00

I just read this article about 'when it's time to your boyfriend'....and I have to say it was definitely my chuckle of the day. I mean the article doesn't say anything that a woman shouldn't already know, come on if your man has two phones and ignores you....umm yea it's time to go. But then again, I would just stop returning phone calls when I was done with a guy. Once I even waited for my boyfriend to return from vacation to tell him that I started dating someone else. What -- I thought that we were on a break? Well, in my defense, we didn't see too much of each other and he was a little dumb - okay extremely dumb. He just happened to make up for it in other ways ;)

Anyway, back to my story - one of my ex-boyfriends once missed Valentine's Day, without a phone call and didn't even give a proper explanation or apology. He actually told me that he "fell asleep." Yes, that is what he told me. I knew he was obviously screwing some little tramp. So I just calmly and collectively told him that I was done with him and his sorry ass - and I threw the diamond bracelet he gave me down the sewer. I wish I had a camera because the look on his face was priceless! And even though he stalked me for a year, beat up my next boyfriend and threatened my life, Henry eventually got the hint and left me alone.

But I think it was the restraining order that finally made him succumb to our very imminent break up....I'm still not sure.

Anyhow, if you ladies aren't sure when it's time to call it quits....maybe this article will help you out:

When Is It Time To Dump Him? (Men's Helath Magazine)

And girls, in case you didn't already know, they always come back...so beware because the crazy also follows!

Worst Date With Ed The Prick

2008-01-11T13:07:00.000-05:00

So one of my friends does the online dating thing and she was telling me about one of her worst date experiences...I don’t do the online dating thing because I meet enough crazy psychos every day. Unfortunately, I can still top her worst date.

I met this idiot, Ed, at a bar after my friends and I drank a lot...big mistake. He called me a couple days later and he seemed to have a sense of humor, so I figured I would give it a shot. Well, it was around the Holidays and the tree at Rockefeller was being lit that night, so went there first. I know, it’s a korny date, but I wanted to see the tree because I heart Christmas and wish I could have a huge tree in my apt. Anyway, he seemed very nice and polite and charming and chivalrous, that is until we went to dinner and started drinking. He started pounding beers….many beers, and soon enough, he was as lit as the tree that night. His real true colors started to shine and when he laughed, he squealed as loudly as the pig he turned out to be. He was such an asshole and obnoxious and pompous and arrogant and just as I was conjuring up an idea of how to leave early...his arrogance got in the way and he made a bet to see how many girls he can actually pick up in one night. Sweet! -- I immediately got all gitty because I knew that he was gonna go down in flames! Hardcore! And I couldn’t wait to see it (insert evil laugh).

So I agreed of course - and he went to the bar and tried to talk to a couple of girls...got shot down each time...and I laughed and laughed... and he got mad and kept trying. So to speed things up a bit, and to continue my own reign of amusement, I went to the bar, made friends with three girls immediately and brought them back to the table. I then triumphantly called Ed over to join us. I also told him that one of them really liked him but that he would have to figure out which one >;) I know I’m evil, but it was well worth it!! So he tried, desperately, and pathetically to make the moves on these girls. They didn’t pay too much attention to him and declared me as one of their BFF’s – I also found out that they lived around the corner from me in Brooklyn. So after Ed bought us all rounds and rounds of drinks and shots...Ed made his last desperate attempt to take us home and said “Hey how about we go back to my place” – quickly everyone started coming up with their excuses as to why they couldn't. At that point, victory was mine and I couldn’t watch this sad little exhibition anymore, I told him I was getting a headache and had to go home. Immediately, the girls got up and all said the same thing and followed me...leaving Ed to himself – with the check and his sad little lonely table. The girls and I wound up going back to Brooklyn together and then we hit the local bar and had a blast. And we made fun of “Ed the Prick” all night long.

Ed continued to call me for a couple of weeks without getting the hint that I wasn’t interested. Until I finally just came right out and said no, and then he had the audacity to say “well, how about we just have sex?”

Idiots, they are all idiots.

Different Kinda Crazy...

2008-01-02T22:59:00.000-05:00

I came across this good old fashioned "dear abbey" style blog and was pretty happy to know I'm not the only one that feels this way. It is actually possible to want to dump a guy who's just TOO into you.

I always feel a little bad when I bring up Adam, he was cute and sweet, very sweet, too freaking sweet. Okay he drove me crazy. He was over enthusiastic every time we hung out, he was always so freaking chipper and he was always telling me how wonderful I was...and that is just a bit much. I was a little bitchy to him, not on purpose, but just because he got so annoying. He lived outside of NY so I thought it would have been perfect because we didn't have to see each other all the time. Yea that's what I thought, however, he called all the damn time, day and night. I didn't want a boyfriend, and all of a sudden, boom, he was introducing me to his friends and family as his girlfriend. Wait, What? We never had that conversation. He would call me whenever he was "in the area" to see if we could meet up for dinner or coffee. OMG, it was just way TOO much and he drove me absolutely insane. Later, I found out that he was telling his brothers and his father and even his uncle about our sex life...umm WTF?

I couldn't get rid of him fast enough. So okay, to him I will always be the "cold-hearted bitch" - from what i hear - but if it went on any longer... i might have suffocated him in the middle of the night with a freaking pillow. I think we both won in the end.

Anyway I'm just so happy that this writer agrees, you can check out there story here: DEAR SUGAR: HE'S TOO INTO ME!

Drama at the Funeral Home

2007-12-30T11:39:00.000-05:00

Well, no male psycho stories would be complete without a Gio story. We were together ages ago, for about 3 years...on and off. And it was sweet at first and then it got ugly and then the third time we tried it out again...well, he was a full-fledge psycho. Yea, many stories involve him....but one incident stood out the most. One night he got really pissed off at me because i was going out to a club with my friends...and blah, blah, blah he wound up following me. As the night went on, I saw his face appear through the crowd while I was on the dance floor. No one else saw him and my friends thought i was just drunk. Not the case. Sure enough, we go back to my car, and the window is smashed in. Our purses and wallets and valuables were left in the car, untouched. However a bag with my books were taken. WTF? I didn't understand or know what was going on...but i did see a pack of marlboro cigs that were left in the backseat...i didn't smoke them but i knew who did.

The next day, I received a phone call from the manager of a Funeral home. Yes, Funeral Home. He said that someone dropped off a stack of books on their doorstep that night. He got my number off a note left in a book...I had to go to the Funeral home to pick up my stuff and it was soooo spooky walking in there. I checked out all the pages in the books and I later found the note with my number (not my handwriting) and some creepy words too....well Gio of course denied it forever. Who does that? crazy psycho!

You would think that I would have learned my lesson, but sadly a few months later we tried yet another crazy round. Those stories require a bottle of vodka and some southern comfort, maybe some whiskey....and a shot of tequila...maybe three.

Yup -- sooner or later, the CRAAAAAAZY just comes out and kicks you in the ass!

Loser Complains About Ladies Night

2007-12-17T12:31:00.000-05:00

I read this article today and I had to share it with my girls....some loser is crying discrimination and filing a law suit against a couple of night clubs in NYC. He says that "Ladies Nights" are unfair because we get free admission and drinks.....blah, blah, blah.

Do you want some cheese with that whine?!?

I feel bad for whoever ends up with that loser....

read it here...LADIES NIGHT

Actually kinda sweet....

2007-12-12T20:47:00.000-05:00

So in going with the spirit of Christmas, I thought I would share with my girls the sweetest Christmas gift I ever got from a boyfriend. Danny was cute and nice, sometimes, and even though we had lots of hurdles in our short-lived path...he did good on xmas. He actually remembered that I had collected a couple of Winnie The Pooh little ceramic chachkis - because I of course love Winnie. He of course, hated Winnie and thought it was retarded and continually made fun of me any chance he could. And one Xmas I got the cutest little Winnie the Pooh gift under my tree. It made me smile and I was happy.

Of course a couple days later he turned back into the asshole that he was, and stopped seeing each other right after the New Year. Oh well, I still have that little thing, maybe I should sell it.

Maybe after the New Year, I'll share the worst gift I ever got....after this joyous Christmas cheer wears off ;)

If Only.....

2007-12-10T15:40:00.000-05:00

If only all men looked this good, I think I could easily forgive their stupidity.....wow, I think I need a cigarette....

Ho Ho Ho

2007-12-06T13:20:00.000-05:00

Even though I profoundly profess my continued hatred towards men.....I really do love them. I'm a poster child for the "love/hate" relationship. Anyway, words, words, words, let's get down to business. The Holidays are coming, love is all around, time to be merry and spread the Christmas Cheer......so here goes:

Five Reasons why I actually L O V E men:

Number One

Number Two

Number Three

Number Four

Number Five

Holy Hot in Helll......all that I can say.

UUUmm, Are You Kidding?

2007-11-26T17:32:00.000-05:00

Okay this story is way overdue, for many reasons.....he followed a previous psycho that i met this summer and ultimately due to my brief hiatus.

I met Richard on my birthday, he bought me a drink and we kept texting each other all night while I was bar hopping. Instant attraction, the typical tall, dark and handsome. After I stumbled into bed at about 5:30am, he sent me the last text message "never got to give you a birthday kiss...let's go out tonight and celebrate your birthday over dinner" So i was drunk but still sober enough to realize a drunken date via text at 5:30 am is not really something I wanted to respond to.

After about two weeks of email exchanges and phone calls...he and his friend met up with me and one of my girlfriends. He went to get a drink, his friend went to the bathroom and some random guy started talking to me and my girlfriend, just friendly chatting and actually he seemed to be interested in my friend. Well after about 30 minutes, I never heard or saw Richard again, until he finally sent me a deranged text message "i saw you talking to another guy, i come out to see you and you start flirting with another guy, so I left."

Okay first of all, are you kidding? And secondly, are you fucking kidding me?

I didn't respond and kept on with my night until he met me outside with some guy who walked me to a cab and started an argument and caused the biggest scene. Psycho Richard finally leaves, and then this stupid idiot who walked me to my cab hopped in and insisted we go back to his place! WTF? Who are you again??? The cab driver eventually had to come over and pull this guy out of the cab.

There may have been a full moon out that night, but it's the only explanation for two psychos in one night.

Men really do suck :P

Son of a Bitch....

2007-11-25T22:01:00.000-05:00

He was smart, funny, intelligent, great sense of humor, wonderful smile and warm heart with a perfect personality......and an amazing kisser. He kind of rebuilt my faith in men all over again...at least for the night. And then I find out that he has a girlfriend, or two. (sigh)

WTF!

seriously....men suck.

A Few Reasons Why Men Suck...

2007-09-05T22:57:00.000-04:00

Okay most Men just suck at life and I'll tell you three reasons why:

1. They are very dumb.

2. They only think with their penis.

3. They think they can just call you in the middle of the night and leave perverted messages on your voicemail thinking that you will wake up for a useless quickie that was soooo not worth getting out of your warm cozy bed.

listen dumb ass, if a girl doesn't answer your numerous and annoying calls in the middle of the night, there is a reason - Get over it and move on.

Then His Wife Called Me…..

2007-07-08T22:12:00.000-04:00

Yea, so John was fun and very cool, he didn’t require a lot of attention and was not put off by my busy schedule – I should have known there was a reason for that. We only dated for about 5 weeks and we spoke once a week and hung out only once a week, it was the perfect situation, and he was a riot to hang out with. Never a dull moment. Things were perfect – that was, until his wife called me yelling and screaming. I honestly had no idea, and once we started talking, she calmed down and I told her exactly where to find her husband on Saturday night, at a restaurant in soho, waiting for me….I’m only sorry that I wasn’t there to see the look on his sorry little face.

Well, he wasn’t crazy – but he was a married dog who should be castrated. The crazy part is that it wasn’t the first time I got a call from someone’s wife --- Seriously this is why I hate men!

Wish I Could Take It Back

2007-06-17T23:31:00.000-04:00

I'm sure that we've all had one or two regrets in our love lives... (well I may have more than average) but one in particular sticks out and I really, really, really wish I could take it back. It was my second date with Ed and I got really wasted and made the mistake of going back to my place. It was so terrible, it was really awkward, very quick, and he was so small. What a buzz kill. I immediately told him I had to get up early and kicked him out. Thought I would never hear from him again.

Unfortunately he had the audacity to call the very next night - over and over again. I ignored his calls but the idiot turned crazy quick, and he kept calling every 30 minutes. I had to turn my phone off after he left about 6 messages.

The minute I turned my phone back on, Ed called again. Typical psycho. I picked up and asked him what his problem was....he said in a very crazy voice "Where the fuck were you all night?" "I wanted to come over and see you, I must have called you like five times, why didn't you pick up the phone? I'm so pissed off at you, I drove to your apt and waited!"

Uuummm, WTF? This idiot was clearly playing with a whole different set of cards. I had to change my phone number about a week later.

Yup, sooner or later the crazy just comes out!