There’s something to be said for slow and steady progress, but there’s also something to be said for decisive and sweeping action. When it comes to negative social habits, there’s no time like today to quit cold turkey. Of course that’s a lot easier said than done, but with practice we can do better almost immediately.

Lately I’ve been making it a point to bring more awareness to the specific social habits our coaching clients have been repeatedly complaining about or engaging in. And perhaps more importantly than that, I’ve also been noticing how frequently many of the same habits and behaviors surface in my personal relationships. I mean let’s be honest, we all misbehave in our relationships sometimes. None of us are immune to occasional mood swings, but that doesn’t excuse what we do to each other on a daily basis. 

Over the (more…)

Let’s start off with a simple question:

Why do we always take things personally?

There are admittedly quite a few valid reasons to consider. But the one Marc and I have found to be most common through 15 years of working with our coaching clients and live event attendees is the tendency we all have of putting ourselves at the center, and seeing everything — every event, conversation, circumstance, etc. — from the viewpoint of how it relates to us on a personal level. And this can have all kinds of adverse effects, from feeling hurt when other people are rude, to feeling sorry for ourselves when things don’t go exactly as planned, to doubting ourselves when (more…)

Patience is not about waiting, it’s the ability to maintain a positive outlook while working hard for what you believe in.

Have you ever told yourself that you’re going to make something happen and then nothing happened? All details aside, it’s because you didn’t have the right habits in place — the little things you do every day that build up to something bigger. Your habits truly make or break you. Because in all walks of life you become what you habitually do. You will never make progress or change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret to your success is always found in your daily habits and routines.

In other words, regardless of your unique life situation or how you personally define success, you can’t become an overnight success. You become successful over time from all the little things you do one day at a time.

Failure occurs in the same way. All your little daily failures (that you don’t (more…)

Relationships don’t always make sense, especially from the outside.

Family isn’t always blood. They’re the people in your life who appreciate having you in theirs — the ones who encourage you to improve in healthy and exciting ways, and who not only embrace who you are now, but also embrace and embody who you want to be. These people — your real family — are the ones who truly matter.

Here are some mindful little reminders to help you foster the right relationships in your life:

1. Free yourself from negative company.

Spend time with nice people who are smart, driven, and open-minded. Relationships should help you, not hurt you. Surround yourself with people who reflect the person you want to be. Choose friends who you are proud to know, people you admire, who love and respect you — people who (more…)

Do not ruin today with mourning tomorrow.

Ever feel a little overwhelmed? Or really overwhelmed?

This quick read is for YOU…

Once upon a time there was a man who had been lost in the desert for three whole days without water. Just as he was about to collapse, he saw what appeared to be a lake a few hundred yards in front of him. “Could it be? Or is it just a mirage?” he thought to himself.

With the last bit of strength he could muster, he staggered toward the lake and quickly learned that (more…)

If it keeps you busy but will hold you back someday, it’s a distraction. Don’t settle!

There’s a big difference between empty fatigue and gratifying exhaustion. Life is too short not to focus more on what matters most. And life is definitely too short for habits that keep you stuck in a cycle of feeling like you’re a day late and a dollar short. So let’s discuss three incredibly common patterns of behavior that keep the best of us stuck in that cycle, day after day.

1. We keep trying to overcome the odds in an unsupportive environment.

No matter how strong you are, and no matter how much determination and willpower you have, if you keep yourself positioned in an environment that works against your best intentions, you will eventually succumb to that environment.

This is where so many of us (more…)

Even when the struggle is real, remind yourself that it always feels better to be exhausted from taking tiny steps forward, than it does to be tired of doing absolutely nothing.

In 1911 two explorers, Amundsen and Scott, embarked on a race against each other to become the first known human being to set foot upon the southernmost point of Earth. It was the age of Antarctic exploration, as the South Pole represented one of the last uncharted areas in the world. Amundsen wished to plant the Norwegian flag there on behalf of his country, while Scott hoped to stake his claim for England.

The journey there and back from their base camps was about 1,400 miles, which is roughly equivalent to a round-trip hike from New York City to Chicago. Both men would be traveling the same exact distance on foot through extremely cold and harsh weather conditions. And both men were equally equipped with experience, supplies, and a supporting team of fellow explorers. But what wasn’t certain is how each of them would approach the inevitable challenges they faced on the road ahead.

As it turned out, Amundsen and Scott took entirely different approaches to the very same challenges.

Scott directed his team to (more…)

You can’t calm the storm. What you can do is calm yourself, and the storm will gradually pass. So do your best to breathe when negativity surrounds you today. Let calmness be your superpower. The ability to not overreact or take things too personally keeps your mind clear and your heart at peace, which ultimately gives you the upper hand.

Also, remind yourself that people are hard to be around when they believe everything happening around them is a direct assault on them, or is in some way all about them. Don’t fall into this trap. What people say and do is much more about them, than you. People’s reactions to you are about their perspectives, wounds, and experiences. Whether people think you’re amazing or believe you’re the worst, again, is more about the storms they are going through and how they view the world.

Now I’m not suggesting we should be self-indulged narcissists and ignore all the opinions and commentary we receive from others. I’m simply saying that incredible amounts of hurt, disappointment, and sadness in our lives come directly from (more…)

Life is not complex. We are complex. Life is simple, and the simple thing is the right thing.
– Oscar Wilde

When we were young life was simpler, right? I know sometimes it seems that way. But the truth is life still is simple. The only difference is we’re older, and the older we get the harder we make things for ourselves.

You see, when we were young we saw the world through honest, hopeful eyes. We knew what we wanted and we had no biases or concealed agendas. We liked people who smiled. We avoided people who were mean. We ate when we were hungry, drank when we were thirsty, and slept when we were tired.

As we grew older our minds became gradually disillusioned by negative external influences. At some point we began to hesitate and question our instincts. When a new obstacle or growing pain arose, we stumbled and fell down. This happened several times. Eventually we decided we didn’t want to fall again, but rather than solving the problem that caused us to fall, we avoided it all together.

As a result, we ate comfort food and (more…)

You won’t find your worth in someone else, you’ll find it in yourself, and then you’ll attract those who are worthy of your energy.

Sometimes we try to show the world we’re flawless in hopes that we will be liked and accepted by everyone. But we can’t please everyone and we shouldn’t try. Take this to heart. You don’t need everyone’s approval, and you’re better off without it. Because when you embrace who you are and decide to be authentic, instead of who you think others want you to be, all the new doors that open in your life will be opening for the right reasons.

So just remind yourself that there’s no reason to put on an act today. There’s no need to pretend to be someone you’re not. You have nothing to continuously prove to everyone. And if you catch yourself doing so, forgive yourself, and (more…)

There are no shortcuts to any place worth going in life.

You have to do hard things to be happy in life. The things no one else is doing. The things that frighten you. The things others can’t do for you. The things that make you question how much longer you can hold on and push forward.

Why?

Because those are the things that define you. Those are the things that make the difference between existing and living — between knowing the path and walking the path — between a life of mediocrity and a life filled with progress and happiness.

Of course, the hard things are often the easiest things to avoid. To procrastinate. To make excuses. To pretend like they somehow don’t apply to you and your life situation.

But reality always rears its head in the end. And the truth about how ordinary people achieve (more…)

Too often we overestimate the significance of one big defining moment and underestimate the value of making a little progress every day.

You’re probably familiar with what’s known as the Serenity Prayer. It goes like this:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

There’s an important lesson here — one that’s very often glossed over…

When a chaotic reality is swirling around us, we often try to (more…)

“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.”
— Ann Landers

You are changing. The universe around you is changing. Just because something was right for you in the past doesn’t mean it still is. This could be a relationship, a job, a home, a habit, etc.

It happens to you slowly as you grow. You discover more about who you are and what you want out of life, and then you realize there are deliberate changes you need to make to keep up with the changes happening around you and within you. The lifestyle you’ve been living no longer fits. The specific people and routines you’ve known forever no longer align with your values. So you cherish all the memories, but find yourself letting go and moving on.

If you’re currently dealing with this process you may feel a bit uneasy about it, and that’s OK. This feeling is normal. I’ve been right there with you, (more…)

An acquaintance has a little something in common with you and merely enjoys your company for a short time. A fair-weather friend flatters you when the sun is shining and the birds are chirping. A TRUE friend, on the other hand, has your very best interests in mind and would NEVER…

1. Criticize you for being flawed.

As flawed as you might be, as out of place as you sometimes feel, and as lacking as you think you are, you don’t have to hide all the imperfect pieces of yourself from a true friend. They see your flaws as features that make you interesting and beautiful. They celebrate your quirks.

The quality of the happiness between two people grows in direct proportion to their acceptance, and in inverse proportion to their intolerance and expectations. True friends (more…)

Don’t let toxic people rent space in your head. Raise the rent and get them out of there.

Surviving the ups, downs, and lightning storms of other people’s moodiness can be quite a challenge. It’s important, though, to remember that some moody people may be going through a difficult stage in their lives. They may be ill, chronically worried, or lacking what they need in terms of love and emotional support. Such people need to be listened to, supported, and cared for (although whatever the cause of their moodiness and negativity, you may still need to protect yourself from their behavior at times).

But there’s another type of moody, negative behavior: that of the toxic bully, who will use his or her mood swings to intimidate and manipulate. It’s this aspect of moodiness that inflicts enduring abuse and misery. If you observe these people closely, you will often notice that their attitude is overly self-referential. Their relationships are prioritized according to how each one can be used to meet their selfish needs. This is the kind of toxic behavior I want to look at in this post.

I’m a firm believer that toxic mood swings (like classic chain letter emails) should not be inflicted on one person by another, under any circumstances. So how can you best manage the fallout from other people’s relentless (more…)

You think 60,000 thoughts a day. Don’t waste 59,000 of them on negative, unproductive thinking.

A person does not have to be behind bars to be a prisoner. People can be prisoners of their own concepts, choices, and ideas. This is how countless intelligent people waste the majority of their lives. It’s sad, but true.

As life coaches, Marc and I speak with these people every day, and every day the same thinking traps reveal themselves. When we bring these thinking traps to the attention of our clients, most of them can’t see their faults, at least not initially. Because it’s hard to admit that the way you’ve been doing things for the past decade or more has been holding you back.

So that’s what I want to discuss with you today — nine of the most common (and heartbreaking) signs that (more…)

A dad is someone you look up to no matter how tall you grow.

Thirty years ago, when I was a freshman in high school, my English teacher gave my class a homework assignment entitled, “Advice for a Younger Generation.” The concept of the assignment was simple: Each student had to interview a person who was over the age of 25, gather enough information to write a basic biography of their life, and find out what their top tips are for a younger generation. I chose to interview my dad. He was 52 at the time and he gave me 18 pieces of advice.

I had completely forgotten about all of this until (more…)

“The best way out is always through.”
— Robert Frost

“Today, I’m sitting in my hospital bed waiting to have both my breasts removed. But in a strange way I feel like the lucky one. Up until now I have had no health problems. I’m a 69-year-old woman in the last room at the end of the hall before the pediatric division of the hospital begins. Over the past few hours I have watched dozens of cancer patients being wheeled by in wheelchairs and rolling beds. None of these patients could be a day older than 17.”

That’s an entry from Marc’s late grandmother’s journal, dated 9/16/1977. I photocopied it and pinned it to my bulletin board about a decade ago. It’s still there today, and it continues to remind me that there is always, always, always something to be thankful for. And that no matter how good or bad I have it, I must wake up each day thankful for my life, because someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs.

Truth be told, happiness is not the absence of problems, but the ability to (more…)

Let’s cut to the chase today. What you ultimately do in life comes out of who you believe you are. You have to practice believing in yourself and ignoring the naysayers. Because while you may not be able to control the impolite things some people say and do, or the unfair things that sometimes happen in life, you can press forward and decide not to be endlessly derailed by them.

Of course I know that’s much easier said than done, especially during transitional periods of growth and change, but you must remind yourself that it can be done!

How?

Start by memorizing some helpful “notes to self.” After all, it’s not what others say about you, and it’s not what you broadcast to everyone else that determines the trajectory of your life. It’s what you whisper to yourself behind (more…)

Lying to others is wrong, but lying to yourself is an absolute tragedy.

“Earlier today, in the last few hours before she went into a coma, she told me her only regret was that she didn’t appreciate every year with the same passion and purpose that she has had in the last two years, after she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. ‘I’ve accomplished so much recently,’ she said. ‘If I had only known, I would have started sooner. I wouldn’t have told myself all those little lies that prevented me from truly living every day of my life.’”

I recorded those lines in my journal exactly 12 years ago today, right after I had a conversation with a good friend of mine who was desperately fighting for her life. It honestly still breaks my heart to know (more…)