(apparently I have an addiction problem. who knew. Why »»]]> I found a way to solve my gum addiction, snacking addiction, coffee addiction and diet soda/tea addiction!

(apparently I have an addiction problem. who knew. Why can’t I get addicted to say WORKING OUT or doing laundry I wonder?)

Anyway. My answer?

Invisalign.

And soon I will have the teeth of a super model when I am finished in 6 months as well. Let me explain…

I went to the OC famous Dr. Fischer today and got my first pair of Invisalign tray thingies to start the process to turn my slightly weird teeth placement  back to the way my first orthodontist in 1980 intended. You know…STRAIGHT. (I talked about my consultation and my fat tongue here if you would like to catch up.) So they popped them in, and they felt well…kinda FUNKY. Not painful. Not bad. Just sorta tight. But as I type it has been less than 30 minutes and they are already feeling more normal.

Wanna see them?

Just try…

They are really invisible!

And they make your teeth super shiny.

Looks like I got a new top coat on my teeth…

But the one thing I didn’t count on was having to give up chewing gum cold turkey.

So this is going to be very interesting.

I wonder if Trident makes a patch to help with withdrawals?

And the coffee/diet coke thing? It stains them…so that is off limits as well. (*loop hole is a STRAW. Awesome)

I can take them out to eat and that is it. And since I am so lazy, maybe this will help me lose weight too.

Could Invisalign be the answer to all my problems?

Let’s wait and see….

UPDATE: I received via Fed Ex about an hour after posting this….a YEARS supply of gum from Trident. (thanks Trident) Oh the irony.

“Our neighborhood gang was a strange group of kids.  There was Pastor McNally’s kids who never could take a decent photo, of course there is a »»]]>  

“Our neighborhood gang was a strange group of kids.  There was Pastor McNally’s kids who never could take a decent photo, of course there is a good chance they just decided to pray for the photo to make their daddy happy.  The Too Tall Twins (Barry and Larry) who, even though they were only 8 they towered over the rest of us. Only one taller was Barbara, but she was almost 12. It’s funny seeing her wearing all while in this photo and bow in her hair, I guess she was copying MaryAnne…but Barbara was the biggest tom boy in the group. Why she could out play her brother Billy in stick ball any day of the week. And once when Lucky (my kitten) got herself stuck the tree in front of our garage she climbed right up to the top and came down with a smile and that darn cat. That’s me there, in the center. Oh its not that Mama had me dressed proper for this day or anything…that was how I ALWAYS looked. I was a bit of ‘princess’ as Papa used to say. And I am not ashamed to admit I was the leader of this little ‘gang’. They would do whatever I said! Can you imagine? And I was no innocent angel either. I got all those kids in a whole lotta trouble- of course I always made sure none of the blame came back to me. I was a smart girl indeed.”

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This photo was reader submitted.

And I can’t remember WHO!

Please leave a comment so I can add credit and a link to you.

So sorry.

Joanie found the perfect wine to serve at her second wedding.

Her cheatin ex-husband was not invited.

And although I would like to insist say the ONLY thing you should »»]]> I read like over 100 lots and lots of blogs and websites daily.

And although I would like to insist say the ONLY thing you should ever read is THE GLAMOROUS LIFE ASSOCIATION…I know that just isn’t realistic…. So  I thought I would give you a little list of some of the other blogs I read. These are the blogs that push me to improve my writing and humor and photography every day.

This list represents my biggest competitors for world domination and also my closest friends in the blogosphere.

I have tried to categorize a little…but there is tons of cross over.

And these are in no particular order AT ALL.

I love them all the same…but different.

Enjoy.

Foolery

She Just had to say it

Playgroups are no place for Children

Mamas Losin It

Bartender Face

That Girl Blogs

Bernthis

Mama bird diaries

The Bloggess (only NSFK warning )

Vintage Thirty

We are THAT Family

I think we are all Bozos on this bus

Blah Blah Blog

Lisa Mertins Life Illustrated

Mommy Pie

Moms without Blogs

Petit Elefant

Shamelessly Sassy

The Adventures of the Headless Family

The Mental Pause Chronicles

Life Just Keeps Getting Weirder

Prose and Converse

i am bossy

Sadvertising

Babes in Disneyland

Candid Carrie

June Cleaver Nirvana

Sites based in Orange County, California….

Alive in Wonderland (blog and in-real-life BFF. Yes this is the Suz I talk about constantly)

Shutter Sisters

Elis Lids

Anxiety Hell

Just Spotted

Orange County Googie

Orange County Met Blogs

Orange County Memories

Outside the berm

OC History Round-Up

Day Trippin Mom

Mrs. E’s WIld Ride

Peace Love and Momminess

The Land of Gracious Living

Top Mom Blog

The Pixel Mom

Orange County Daily Photo

The Daily Disney

Melody Maker

Stuff from the park

Crafty Blogs

She’s Crafty

Makes and Takes

Under Construction

Another note: This list is not even complete.

I have more to add…can you believe there are so many AWESOME sites out there?

But man doing this many hyperlinks at one sitting is not fun.

I will update weekly and the button will be on the side bar forever and ever….

And I know ‘googling’ is not a real word.

But it should be.

This tweet was chosen because it got an overwhelming response on »»]]> -

And I know ‘googling’ is not a real word.

But it should be.

This tweet was chosen because it got an overwhelming response on both Facebook and Twitter.

Turns out I was NOT ALONE in my quest for this knowledge.

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I FOUND HIS BROTHER dancing on a Jumbotron.

Wait for the hug. It Rocks.

I’d like to »»]]> Remember the guy dancing at the bustop?

I FOUND HIS BROTHER dancing on a Jumbotron.

Wait for the hug. It Rocks.

I’d like to party with this guy.

Forget ‘Dance like no ones watching’…his motto?

Dance like EVERYONE is watching.

See what I did there?

Comedy.

Its everywhere.

Success.

It is a tricky word.

And as in most professions it is a moving target.

Blogging is no exception….

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Success.

It is a tricky word.

And as in most professions it is a moving target.

Blogging is no exception….

When I began to blog I remember thinking “if I can get 100 readers a day I will be able to relax and I will feel like I am a success”. I even wrote it down on a post-it note and pinned it to my bulletin board. I leave it there to remind me- how far I have come. Now with tons more page views daily, that goal of ‘just 100’ seems silly. In the early days I would read other more established bloggers and marveled at their readerships…I yearned to be ‘popular’. It felt strangely familiar. You have heard the comparison before- that the blogosphere is tantamount to a virtual high school with the cliques, drama and yes, popularity contests. And yup..it is true.

Hey bloggers? Any of this sound familiar?

Start blog.

Immediately place value of each post in # of comments. And the ones from your mom don’t count you decide.

Discover Sitemeter or Google Analytics and start to monitor # of readers every waking moment and even once or twice in the middle of the night.

Now you start to calculate the # of comments to the # of readers ratio

Discover Feedburner now obsess over # of subscribers

Now you start to calculate # of readers to # of subscribers ratio.

Sent first request for a review post on a product

Do your first give-away and realize it feels really good to give stuff to people, but it is scary to be in charge of picking the winner.

Discover Random.org and smile.

First request for a paid post for a gambling or porn site. While you are flattered, you turn them down because they are not the ‘right fit’.

You are invited to first brand sponsored event.

You go and write a post about it. Not sure if that was all they wanted from you. Seems strange.

Have blog cards printed at Uprinting.com, start to give out to anyone and everyone.

Husband calls you a Blog Pimp.

Pay money you don’t have to get a redesign for your site.

Decide a successful blog makes money. So you…

Put Google Ads on the blog ……Take Google Ads off since they bug you and you never get any money from them anyway

Put Blogher Ad up.

Take down as soon as they say you can’t do giveaways with their ad up.

Join Twitter. Immediately worry about your low number of followers.

First request for paid advertising comes in.

Thrilled. Until you discover the brand only wants to pay you $20 a month. You take it anyway.

Husband asks what you want for your birthday and you answer with “redesign and move to Wordpress”. He looks confused but agrees.

Hire blog designer to move blog. Use custom domain.

LOOSE more than half of your readers and subscribers.

CRY.

CRY A LOT.

Attend BlogHer conference.

Come home feeling very small and unpopular and troubled by being called a ‘content generator’ and not a writer.

Discover Webgrader.

Discover Google Page Rank.

Discover you are no where near the ‘big guys’.

Consider giving up the blog. Question why you do this in the first place.

Participate in brand webinars, tweet-ups and conference calls.

Get free stuff.

Get huge validation from FREE STUFF. Decide that since you do not get paid for your work FREE STUFF is your ‘pay’.

Seek out give-aways and brand promotions like crazy.

Free Stuff becomes your SUCCESS meter.

Create Facebook Fan Page and immediately begin to obsess about your number of fans.

Eventually, you come to the conclusion it has become too commercial and too much like ‘work’ so you blog about ending the blog.

You decide the best thing to do is to just close up shop.

You do.

Suddenly you have more free time than you know what to do with.

And then one day you have something to say- and no one to say it to.

So you…

START BLOG.

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If you are wondering if Ringling Brothers Circus has started designing shoes, and I am featuring them today on The Association you would »»]]>

If you are wondering if Ringling Brothers Circus has started designing shoes, and I am featuring them today on The Association you would be wrong.

But if you are wondering what is the latest, coolest, hottest thing in footwear for young boys in Southern California right now….I am sad to say…YOU ARE LOOKING AT IT.

And yes, both of these were picked by my boys against my not-so-subtle gentle protests.

And when I could see I wasn’t making any progress I pulled out the totally sexist opinion “seriously pink? Are you prepared to get mocked at school?’

Jack replied… “Its the pink that makes them cool. You can’t understand because you are a mom”

Oh no he didn’t.

Oh yes.

HE DID.

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(Shout out to Zappos for free shipping.

I think that makes you way way cool. Like as cool as PINK for boys)

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When Mama said “Henry you keep an eye on the baby” he took it very seriously.

After all, it was in his blood; Henry’s »»]]>

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When Mama said “Henry you keep an eye on the baby” he took it very seriously.

After all, it was in his blood; Henry’s Daddy and Uncle Smitty  both worked down at the county jail…

and Henry was gonna make certain “dat dis baby weren’t goin no wheres”

And happily for the baby’s sake, he didn’t.

Smart baby.

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OhOh and check it out.

I was on the radio today.

Basically I hijacked my bestie’s (Suz) interview…cuz that is the kind of friends we are.

CLICK HERE to listen!

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Why you »»]]> What happens when you office window faces a bus stop and you look out and see the same guy doing THIS every day?

Why you film it and put him on YouTube of course!

Gotta love his commitment.

via

Did you hear about this? It is like a stand-up blogging mash-up show.

And guess who was asked to be in it?

Yup.

ME.

It is »»]]>

Did you hear about this? It is like a stand-up blogging mash-up show.

And guess who was asked to be in it?

Yup.

ME.

It is the best of both world’s for me. I love, love LOVE to be on stage. (repeat LOVE)

Especially doing a piece I actually wrote. Did you all know I have an English degree with an emphasis on Playwriting?

I am a total theater freak…I have done tons of plays, musicals and more. I know. I get geekier with every post don’t I?

However I am both terrified and thrilled to do this new show.

Thrilled to be able to perform, and terrified I will never find the perfect dress to wear.

Can you come support me?

Click here for tickets.

BUY THEM HERE

We can all hit the bar afterwards…

And you can lie to tell me how my dress was perfect k?

Remember the Ed Hardy car? 

Well, The Association is always working hard to fix »»]]> Every time I mention Ed Hardy I get awesome feedback.

Remember the Ed Hardy car? 

Well, The Association is always working hard to fix all things wrong with the world.

Starting with ED HARDY deep v-neck shirts with rhinestones and glitter made for MEN.

But maybe these guys JUST DON’T KNOW how gay bad they look.

Maybe no one told them?

Apparently a reader/friend (Hey Roxanne!) agreed and thought I should design a bumper sticker to inform them.

And I have solved other pressing problems in the world like bra straps and butt cracks with this business card.

At this rate I should be on Ellen/Oprah/Dr.Phil pretty soon.

(I love them in that order)

Click here to read…

Clearly these are big issues to Association readers.

The business card post? Is my all-time most popular post.

Gets hundreds and hundreds of hits everyday.

Maybe I should actually print these and sell them?

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* Photo note: Not my car. My car is clean, waxed and perfect at all times.

Finally a**holes like Jon Gosselin can decorate their cars with the stupid designs of Ed Hardy.

Ed Hardy steering wheel covers, car trash cans and »»]]>  

Finally a**holes like Jon Gosselin can decorate their cars with the stupid designs of Ed Hardy.

Ed Hardy steering wheel covers, car trash cans and yes…air fresheners found at my local car wash.

This reminds me. When I was a kid of about 10 or 11 my dad worked as the National Sales Manager of Jordache Jeans. Yes, the ones with cool butt designs and the motto ‘you got the look I want to know better’…every little girls dream jeans at the time. And happily I was the fit sample size, so I had every single thing made by Jordache. For a few years my WHOLE wardrobe was Jordache (and Sasson also their brand) After a few years he brought home other stuff with the Jordache logo on it. Folders, make up kits and finally a PHONE. Yes a phone with the giant horse head logo on it. It was so embarrassing weird I didn’t even use it in my room. I remember my dad saying “they are selling the licensing rights to anyone and everyone now. Won’t belong before the brand is done.” After that? They expanded to umbrellas,shoes and DIAPERS. Yes, DIAPERS.

Finally it was clear the brand was toast.

Oh Jordache…

Oh Sasson….

Oh how I loved you.

But all things must come to an end.

Hear that. Ed Hardy?

Time to give up.

He cut his hair off.

Yes, the hair that I have been talking about for years now….

Here is part of that story… and »»]]>  

He cut his hair off.

Yes, the hair that I have been talking about for years now….

Here is part of that story… and here, and here.

Yes the SAME hair that helped us decide to leave his last private school.

The same hair Jack called his “Mane of Awesomeness”.

The same hair that was his signature look.

He woke up and said he wanted to cut it off.

And then he went with his dad and DID IT.

I am so bummed.

Now he looks like a republican stock broker.

(not that there is anything wrong with that. Ahem.)

I asked him why he did it..and he said

“You have to mix it up mom. Gotta keep changing your image ya know?”

Yeah.

I know Jack.

I was a cat.

For like the 6th year in a row.

I am really getting my mileage out of those kitty ears I »»]]>

I was a cat.

For like the 6th year in a row.

I am really getting my mileage out of those kitty ears I bought at Target…

But this year I did add a kitty tail. To make it more realistic.

Yeah right.

The boys? Well they had two costumes this year, a ‘happy one’ and these scary ones.

Tucker was “some scary dude” and Jack said he was “a clown with a day job”.

We went to Disney’s Trick n Treat at California Adventure (where the ‘happy’ costumes were worn) the night before.

You can read it about it and see photos/video on this site.

Best part was taking a photo with some creepy guy before he got thrown out of the park.

All in all it was another wonderful Halloween.

And today will be operation ‘remove jack-o-lanterns, bring in the turkeys’.

Holiday themed decorating is just plain fun.

And glamorous.

Happy Halloween.

And in case you are wondering? This is pretty much how I looked when I was carving the pumpkins this year. »»]]>

Happy Halloween.

And in case you are wondering? This is pretty much how I looked when I was carving the pumpkins this year.

It was a little awkward, what with the kids around…but I just like to do my carving in my garter belt…I am funny that way.

I guess I am just a traditionalist when it comes to the holidays.

Have a glamorous evening.

And remember: margarita mix is the exact same color as green Gatorade.

This tip comes in handy if you think you might get a little parched while walking the streets with your kids as they beg the neighbors to give them candy.

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Hope you have a joyful evening.

Happy Halloween from my home to yours!

(Buy one get one free)

Except »»]]> Somehow I managed to forget to post my Tweet of the Week last week…so today is BOGO day.

(Buy one get one free)

Except they are both free. So it is more like DBAGTOSF day

(Don’t buy anything get two of something free)

Which I am sure will catch on with retailers any day now.

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And I think it is funny to see them side by side. Gives you an idea the extremes of my mind.

“Non sequitur” should be my middle name.

If Latin phrases were popular as middle names for baby girls in the 70’s.

For reasons I can’t really explain.

(Yup it is safe for work. If your boss doesn’t have an issue with the Ghostbuster »»]]> So dang funny.

For reasons I can’t really explain.

(Yup it is safe for work. If your boss doesn’t have an issue with the Ghostbuster song coming from your cubicle)

This video is how I feel about Halloween.

I love it.

Well funny to ME.

One of our esteemed overly highly rated elementary schools from »»]]> So this funny thing happened in my town the other day.

Well funny to ME.

One of our esteemed overly highly rated elementary schools from our way inflated amazing school district handed out t-shirts to all of their students with a phone number to a sex line printed on them.

And no I am not kidding.

Apparently, and the details are still cloudy, the t-shirt designer or the PTA came up with the slogan “How’s our running? Call 1-800- Eat-Dust” to add to the bottom of the Jog-a-thon t-shirts. Which I think is terribly cute. Unfortunately, that number already actually belongs to someone.

Someone who runs a transsexual phone sex line.

So the school hands out a t-shirt to every kid in the school and one of those families tries the phone number for fun. Whooooaaa BIG Surprise. The parent calls the school. The parent calls their friends, and eventually the school contacts all the parents and asks for the shirts to be returned asap. Somewhere in all this one of the parents contacts KTLA News. And since neither the school district nor the PTA was in a mood to talk about their blunder-the News contacts the only city focused website they can find; Land of Gracious Living for comment.

Land of Gracious Living operators by coincidence happen to be parents of a child AT THE T-SHIRT SCHOOL.

This was a goldmine for KTLA news who ran over to their home to interview them.

And now the story gets not so funny..

The school in question is blaming the Land of Gracious Living site operators for contacting KTLA . And insinuating they have brought SHAME to the school. And basically the Yorba Linda MOMfia (a different branch than the one I have been chatting about on Twitter for months) is in full force trying to make this family feel like crap about it. Which is the MOMfia’s specialty. Guilt and shame and SHUNNING. It is the mob mentality of pointing the finger at someone to cover for their own mistakes. They seem to be living under the ‘we don’t air our dirty laundry’ motto at this school. Especially when the dirty laundry has phone numbers to a porn line.

So do I think any less of this school because of this t-shirt blunder?

Hell no.

But do I think they are a wreck for trying to point a finger at a family because they talked to the media about a problem THEY DID NOT CREATE?

HELL YES.

*As you all might remember, I had my own problems with my school and this website. (Read it here)

So I am just a little sensitive tuned in to this sort of thing…

Apparently when the school teaches the concepts of free speech and self expression they are just sorta kidding.

You can see this SkyWatch photo in its full glory at Orange County Daily Photo today.

I am still so honored to be a contributing photographer on »»]]>  

You can see this SkyWatch photo in its full glory at Orange County Daily Photo today.

I am still so honored to be a contributing photographer on that site…

Go check it out- you might be surprised.

There is more to Orange County than Hummers, strip malls and privileged second wives.

A lot more.

Press Release: “The Women of the Undercover Officers of America Association (WUOAA) hold their annual beauty contest.”

I am thrilled to announce I have joined the OC Family officially.

You can read my first post here…it is a slightly different version of »»]]>  

I am thrilled to announce I have joined the OC Family officially.

You can read my first post here…it is a slightly different version of something I wrote about earlier.

The damn pink ribbon attack.

I hope you will go over there and make me look popular. You know leave a comment or two.

And just a reminder….you can still purchase Cancer Suck’s t-shirts for someone you know and love by clicking here.

If you wish to purchase one as a donation (as low as $12), I can be certain it makes it into the hands of a cancer patient child or adult.

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“Neil finally came up with a cure for writer’s block.”

For the bacon lover…which means EVERYONE I ever met.

»»]]> Did you know there is now a wide variety of bandages available should you get hurt?

For the bacon lover…which means EVERYONE I ever met.

For the Jesus lover… (note: “Free Toy inside!” I imagine it is a little Jesus figure to play with while you recover from your injury)

For the inner city bling loving pimp of style. They get boo- boos too you know.

For the sweetheart in your life. I think these would just make me want to lick my wound…

For the superhero in your life. I totally dig the “Ouch” one. Kinda says it all…

These are ones I actually own. Really nothing cuter than a little boy sporting a ‘Mom"’ tattoo bandage.

And finally, one after my own heart….MAKE YOUR OWN. Or as the package says “Won’t wound your style”

There are TONS more of these. Including pickles, toast and skulls.

Come shop at my FAVORITE store on the planet.

HERE

Seriously, they need to sponsor me.

Then I can have all the dang bandages I want.

We interrupt this blog to bring you the comedy stylings of Jack.

Oh he might be 11…but he is a quick wit.

And often »»]]>

We interrupt this blog to bring you the comedy stylings of Jack.

Oh he might be 11…but he is a quick wit.

And often Tucker plays unsuspecting into the comedy routine nicely.

Let’s listen in on a few bizarre conversations…

ME: I heard that man is a really good tennis player. He was semi pro.

Tucker: What is semi pro?

JACK: Its when the top half of the guy gets paid, but the bottom half is just an amateur. Its a little awkward at first…what with jealousy issues. But eventually they learn to work together.

And another….

JACK (dressed as a hotdog for a party) : Tucker I am so disappointed at you eating a hot dog!

Tucker (who is eating a hot dog) : What?

ME: You know you are not ACTUALLY a hot dog right?

JACK: Mom you have to commit to the roll. I mean I have to BE the hot dog to really be convincing. Otherwise I am just phoning it in. You wouldn’t want to be the mom of a kid who would phone it in would you?

And my favorite Jack line of the week?

ME: You better be good or I am gonna home school you.

JACK: Mom, if you do that you are gonna disappoint a whole lot of girls.

My mom used to say that “comedy was hereditary-you get it from your kids”.

Which I always took as a huge compliment.

And now with my own little funny man in the house I totally agree.