Mark William

@MarkWilliamR

Confidently placing periods at the ends of sentences for three decades.

Denver
Joined August 2007

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  1. 10 hours ago

    This woman is really beautiful, even though (or maybe because) she has ’s nose.

  2. 12 hours ago

    I go against the grain. Fuck you, bread.

  3. 15 hours ago

    This crusty in my eye would feed a family of four for a month.

  4. Jul 20

    ME: A show about if slavery persisted to modern times. HBO EXEC: I'm listening. ME: I call it "The American Prison System." HBO EXEC: ...

  5. Jul 20

    Number one rule from the driver safety course: never tickle the truck nuts.

  6. Jul 20

    I spontaneously climax when a woman laughs so hard she oinks like a pig.

  7. Jul 19

    Guys, should I spend more time regretting the past or ruing the future? Trying to build up my ulcer collection.

  8. Jul 19

    If you're trying to beat the Guinness record for longest fingernails, I will volunteer to help you masturbate.

  9. Jul 19

    Serious question: is there a P90X workout video for building up taint muscles? Thanks in advance.

  10. Jul 18

    Rocks, in order of most to least qualified to become a U.S. Senator: 1. Igneous 2. Metamorphic 3. Sedimentary 4. Kid

  11. Jul 18

    FOX NEWS: What's your vision? KID ROCK: Gonna steal Trump's hits and make my own even shittier version of em. FOX NEWS: Brilliant.

  12. Jul 18

    Hatters gonna hat. (Especially the mad ones).

  13. Jul 18

    If I’m sitting and I tip a cheek sideways, that means you’ve gotten a complimentary one-way ticket to Tootville, baby.

  14. Jul 18

    Welcome to Starbucks. Feel free to have your business meeting in these chairs that have been freshly farted on by a homeless guy.

  15. Jul 17

    I’d like to dewey this cute librarian’s decimal.

  16. Jul 17

    I’d like to send a shout out to all the librarians out there!!! What? Oh right, sorry, shhhhh I’ll be quiet.

  17. Jul 17

    No matter where you go, your troubles will still follow you, despite the restraining order against her.

  18. Jul 17

    The bathroom attendant is outright refusing to help change my adult diapers. He won't even help me down from the diaper changing station.

  19. Jul 16

    Every person you idolize from a bygone era would’ve been insufferable on social media.

  20. Jul 14

    Did you know there are moving pictures of unmarried humans fornicating and they are available all over the internet?

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