Mark William


Confidently placing periods at the ends of sentences for three decades.

Joined August 2007


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  1. Mar 17

    Ah, St. Patrick’s Day: the only day of the year where music with emphasis on 1 and 3 does not end with me puking in my mouth.

  2. Mar 13

    [1963] DOCTORS: We only give you 2 more years to live. STEPHEN HAWKING: Not only am I going to live for 55 more years, but I'm going to receive the Presidential Medal of Freedom and have a cameo on the Simpsons. DOCTORS: What's "The Simpsons?" STEPHEN HAWKING: You'll see.

  3. Mar 13

    Mr. Stephen Hawking, no one will ever be able to escape the immense gravitational pull of your life's work.

  4. Mar 13

    “The House Intelligence Committee is neither intelligent nor a house. Discuss.”

  5. Mar 13

    Millionaire titan of industry Rex Tillerson’s biography will forever end with the phrase “and was then fired by Trump in a tweet.”

  6. Mar 4

    Was really hoping that Jordan Peele would thank L'Carpetron Dookmarriot and Hingle McCringleberry in his Oscar acceptance speech.

  7. Mar 4

    I want to get nominated for an Oscar and if I lose I will insist on being called “Big, Fat Academy Award Loser Mark Reiley” on every ad and poster for the rest of my life.

  8. Mar 4

    Dunkirk! Did Picard too! Also Baby got Bakula.

  9. Mar 4

    The announcer clarified that this was Kobe Bryant’s first nomination, but wasn’t he also nominated for his role as the “Goodbye Jews” girl in Schindler’s List?

  10. Mar 3

    Warning: I wear Spider-Man Adult Underoos and I vote.

  11. Mar 3
  12. Mar 3

    Johnny Depp Sharp Appendage

  13. Mar 3

    That Thing Before There Was Uber Driver

  14. Mar 3

    Those Guys We Normally Presume Did It

  15. Mar 3

    The Good, the Bad and the One Other Thing

  16. Mar 3

    Grown Man in a Rubber Suit and His Butler Helps Out Sometimes

  17. Feb 28

    Never thought I'd see the day when an entire political party would end up griping about the gun debate like the recently unmasked villain in a Scooby-Doo episode: "If it hadn't been for you meddling kids..."

  18. Feb 26

    Hey , since you give discounts to murder machine clubs--I'm part of a club dedicated to the recreational and safe use of medieval torture devices called RACK (Responsible Americans for Castration & Keelhauling). Can we get a discount too? Thx!

  19. Feb 25

    GUN MAKERS: "Buy our deadly weapons intended for war zones!" NRA: "Buy their deadly weapons intended for war zones!" GUN NUTS: "Bought a ton of deadly weapons intended for war zones!" AMERICA: "Why do our communities now resemble war zones?" GUN MAKERS/NRA/GUN NUTS: "No idea."

  20. Feb 22

    The intent of the isn't mysterious: they want to increase gun sales for gun manufacturers. So if the NRA invokes God or patriotism or produces fearful videos or scapegoats socialists or pays off politicians or lobbies against gun laws, they're doing it to sell more guns.


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