Marriage 101 Blog

How to Make and Keep Peace with the In-laws

Kasi — Fri, 26 Nov 2010 02:15:15 +0000

This Week’s Featured TV Podcast

Volume # 112 — How to Make and Keep Peace with the In-laws

“Marriage 101” on KKYX Radio 680am San Antonio, Texas
Host: Starr Calo-oy
Topic: How to Make and Keep Peace with the In-laws
Broadcast Date: July 11, 2010

When your spouse’s parents criticize your housekeeping skills, realize that she may feel left out and like she is losing touch. Remember, she has taken care of your spouse for the better part of their life. Tell her that she is hurting your feelings.

If they constantly ask you when you are having children, just tell them, “I know you want grandchildren, you will be the first one to know when we get pregnant and we’ll go celebrate together!”

When it is time to talk to the in-laws about their behavior, have the spouse do it. It is time for them to grow up.

Your father-in-law may belittle your husband in front of you; this is a common struggle between men. Talk to your father-in-law and find out how you can fix this together.

When dealing with children, you will often get unsolicited childcare advice from your in-laws; understand that this is their grandchild and they want to help. Tell them thank you and that it is a great idea and leave it at that, or embrace it. When in-laws ignore your rules with your children, tell them that your rules are important to you and how you raise your children. Let them know that they need to follow the rules, such as not allowing sweets, etc., or you will not leave the child with them anymore.

Your in-laws might want you to follow their holiday traditions, but it is okay to start your own.

Starr & Bob Calo-oy created Marriage101.net to offer help, encouragement and counseling to couples. Through weekly Radio Shows on KKYX 680am San Antonio, they host special guests who cover many unique topics concerning marriage. They also have weekly TV Segments on KENS TV 5 San Antonio where they share marriage tips. All of these programs are archived as Radio Podcasts and TV Podcasts for your easy listening. Visit their sister site, CaregiversAdvice.net for caregiving help for your special loved ones. Starr has written Four Books on Caregiving.

Money Matters

Kasi — Fri, 26 Nov 2010 02:02:34 +0000

This Week’s Featured TV Podcast

Volume # 114 — Money Matters

“Marriage 101” on KKYX Radio 680am San Antonio, Texas
Host: Starr Calo-oy
Topic: Money Matters
Broadcast Date: July 25, 2010

The one thing couples fight about the most is money. Keep romance fresh in spite of it. Don’t keep secrets about where money is being spent. Spend it together. Realize that the household money belongs to both spouses completely, regardless of whether each one works or not. Neither of you is more important because they make more money than the other. Never make pre-nupts. You are splitting up your income and setting yourself up for divorce!

It is important to discuss the state of your financial plans and keep up with changes as the need arises; redo your financial plans annually. Be sure to discuss the tough topics. You should always have a will and a living will.

Balance Love and Career

Kasi — Fri, 26 Nov 2010 00:38:29 +0000

This Week’s Featured TV Podcast

Volume # 115 — Balance Love and Career (Podcast)

“Marriage 101” on KKYX Radio 680am San Antonio, Texas
Host: Starr Calo-oy
Topic: Balance Love and Career
Broadcast Date: August 1, 2010

People tend to feel guilty when they don’t have much time for their spouse. Make the most of the time you are together. Make a date night. Just be together; no kids, no work, etc

When both spouses work, work should be divided. You can make a chore lottery even. Multiple incomes should never be split up. You are a couple; your bills should be paid equally by both of you.

Vacation together not separately. It does no good for the husband to go out with the guys and the wife to go vacationing with the girls. You are a couple, vacation as one. If your vacation dates don’t match up with each other, do something nice for your spouse while you’re off from work, like cook a special dinner. Make this time refreshing for each of you.

In-laws: Support or Thorn in Your Marriage

Kasi — Fri, 26 Nov 2010 00:30:57 +0000

This Week’s Featured TV Podcast

Volume # 116 — In-laws: Support or thorn in Your Marriage (Podcast)

“Marriage 101” on KKYX Radio 680am San Antonio, Texas
Host: Starr Calo-oy
Topic: In-laws: Support or thorn in Your Marriage
Broadcast Date: August 8, 2010

Always show your in-laws respect, even if you don’t think they deserve it. Treat them the way you want your spouse to treat your parents, and don’t alienate your spouse by mistreating their family. Don’t ever criticize your spouse to your in-laws.

Understand where they came from, learn about their culture if different than yours.

Be sensitive to your mother-in-law’s feelings. She has raised your spouse as her child for many years and you are now taking on that role, and taking it away from her. Ask her for opinions on what your spouse likes. Include them. Make her your friend, not enemy.

Be open to healing with your own family for your spouse. Define and set boundaries with your spouse about feelings, ceremonies, and other situations. Know when you have had enough of your in-laws. Communicate it to your spouse and let them know you are hurt.

Discuss caregiving concerns when your in-laws grow older, ie, how do you like your hair done? Are your affairs in order?

Put your marriage first. Always.

Secrets to Building Intimacy in Your Marriage

Kasi — Fri, 26 Nov 2010 00:07:17 +0000

This Week’s Featured TV Podcast

Volume # 118 — Secrets to Building Intimacy in Your Marriage (Podcast)

“Marriage 101” on KKYX Radio 680am San Antonio, Texas
Host: Starr Calo-oy
Topic: Secrets to Building Intimacy in Your Marriage
Broadcast Date: August 22, 2010

Are you getting the love you want? Here are some secrets to building more intimacy in your marriage. Add romantic gestures; “I love you”, use pet names, make phone calls; surprise your spouse with gifts and outings. If necessary, you may need to rebuild your trust.

There are many things you can do together. Some may even be free, like going to the river walk.

Get away with one another, alone. Practice humility and forgiveness in your marriage. Don’t take offense easily, be open and loving. Try surprising your spouse with a love note and put it in a funny, seeable place like a coffee cup. You could leave one-line post-it notes for them anywhere.

Initiate physical intimacy; dance for your spouse. Don’t fall into a rut, put on music and lingerie…and brush your teeth! Don’t condemn them, criticizing on everything. This makes you more attractive to them. Finally, communicate with your spouse, listen, don’t just talk to them. Appreciate your spouse and your children.

Attitude Changes May Increase Intimacy in Your Marriage

Kasi — Thu, 25 Nov 2010 23:54:17 +0000

This Week’s Featured TV Podcast

Volume # 120 — Attitude Changes May Increase Intimacy in Your Marriage (Podcast)

“Marriage 101” on KKYX Radio 680am San Antonio, Texas
Host: Starr Calo-oy
Topic: Attitude Changes May Increase Intimacy in Your Marriage
Broadcast Date: September 5, 2010

Did you know that changing your attitude could increase intimacy and add a spark to your relationship? Your attitude may be an issue in your marriage. Make the attitude adjustment to stop complaining. Treat your spouse well, having empathy for them. Limit your ‘if only’s’ that knock them down. Stay positive and accept them for who they are and for the attributes they have.

Don’t go into the marriage with expectations of how it should be, just decide to please your spouse and to please God. God says to give, not to expect.

Choose fun and optimism, be spontaneous, just do something fun. The circumstances in your marriage may never change, but your attitude can. Relaxing and having fun can help. Wake up each day and make happiness with your spouse a choice.

Rebuild a Broken Trust

Kasi — Thu, 25 Nov 2010 23:44:27 +0000

This Week’s Featured TV Podcast

Listen to Volume # 125 — Rebuild a Broken Trust (Podcast)

“Marriage 101” on KKYX Radio 680am San Antonio, Texas
Host: Starr Calo-oy
Topic: Rebuild a Broken Trust
Broadcast Date: October 10, 2010

When you have a broken trust with your spouse but you want to reconcile, there are ways to reestablish your relationship. You must forgive your spouse. Make the decision; do you want a marriage or a divorce? Give yourself several days to cool down before you discuss it.

When you forgive them, leave it in the past; it’s a do-over. Start from here and move forward. Don’t threaten divorce and don’t give ultimatums. Rather, communicate with one another and reaffirm your commitment to the relationship.

Be patient with your spouse, it takes a long time for change. What if YOU had broken the trust?

If you have betrayed the trust, apologize AND ask for forgiveness. Increase your credibility to instill trust. Listen to your spouse and empathies with them. How would you feel if they had broken YOUR trust? Listen to them, don’t just talk to them. You have to allow them to vent at you for doing this to them. Help them to rebuild trust. Let them see your phone records, your email, your credit card receipts, etc. It takes time to establish credit and rebuild the trust.

Excessive Texts May Be Hurting Your Marriage

Kasi — Thu, 25 Nov 2010 23:43:38 +0000

This Week’s Featured TV Podcast

Listen to Volume # 121 — Excessive Texts May Be Hurting Your Marriage (Podcast)

“Marriage 101” on KKYX Radio 680am San Antonio, Texas
Host: Starr Calo-oy
Topic: Excessive Texts May Be Hurting Your Marriage
Broadcast Date: September 12, 2010

Are Mysterious Texts Coming in? Excessive texts coming in throughout the day may be hurting your marriage.

Excessive cross gendered chatting texting can lead to infidelity. You should never text and chat with someone of the opposite sex if you are married. It is easier to flirt with others when texting and chatting than in person, and easier to keep secrets from your spouse. It is common to discuss things via text and chat with your other-gendered friend that you should be discussing only with your spouse.

It is okay to send your spouse a flirty text; that can be a good thing! Just don’t let it become an addiction or a replacement for personal interaction. Texting can become an addiction.

Bob and Starr Calo-oy – Marriage Tips

Kasi — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 02:33:00 +0000

This Week’s Featured Radio Podcast

Listen to Volume # 090 — “Bob and Starr Calo-oy – Marriage Tips” (Podcast)

“Marriage 101” on KKYX Radio 680am San Antonio, Texas
Hosts: Starr & Bob Calo–oy
Guest: Bob and Starr Calo-oy
Broadcast Date: August 21, 2010

Starr and Bob Calo-oy share ten tips to renewing intimacy in marriage. Rediscover the fire of a love affair, marriage and careers, tips to dealing with your in-laws and more.

Get some good family films, sit down with your children and laugh together. Eat some popcorn, have a “munch-fest” while watching your favorite movies. A family that laughs together grows together. If you don’t have kids, just have a couple “movie night”. Just enjoy yourselves by being spontaneous.

Benefits of laughter: reduces stress, stimulates immune system, increases natural pain killers in the blood, and reduces swelling in body, releases tension and raises spirits, stress hormones such as Cortizol are lessened, releases endorphins.

Rediscover the fire of love again. Once time goes by in a relationship, it’s normal to get into an intimacy routine. Inject all kinds of romantic ideas into your relationship. Statistics show that now 53% of women are chasing their choice of man. Take 10 seconds just looking into her/his eyes in love. Touch tenderly when you pass one another-confirmation and affirmation that you are there and care. Kiss 15 seconds passionately each day. Use your words, actions and facial expressions to build one another up and not tear each other down. Serve one another with no expectation of receiving anything in return. Play with each other. Play anything fun. Include the kids if you can. Hang out with other couples that are as in love or more in love than you are…not arguing couples. Dance together and sing with each other. Read some marriage self help books together, or to each other. Men, lead the family in prayer. Pray with your loved one. Pay close and careful attention to her/him…listen.

Transparency is important in a marriage relationship…No Secrets. You need to be open and in agreement when it comes to your shared finances. There is no reason for secrecy. You can discuss trade-offs and adapt your budget to acquire what you each desire. Statistics show that 36 percent of men and 40 percent of women have lied to their spouse about what they paid for an item. Plan a budget together. Allow for flexibility.

Marriage and Career: One of the largest problems in a marriage is when career takes precedence over the home relationship. Agree on how much time is devoted to job and career, and still be able to have a life at home with family and spouse. This is a major stumbling block when it comes to communication and feelings of frustration. Make an agreement on who does what household chores and errands, vacation planning, who decided what money is spent where?

Irv Loev – “Conflict Means I Love You”

Kasi — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 01:39:24 +0000

This Week’s Featured Radio Podcast

Listen to Volume # 089 — “Irv Loev – “Conflict Means I Love You” ” (Podcast)

“Marriage 101” on KKYX Radio 680am San Antonio, Texas
Hosts: Starr & Bob Calo–oy
Guest: Irv Loev
Broadcast Date: August 14, 2010

Irv Loev, author of “Conflict Means I Love You” is with us this morning, sharing relationship resources and advice from his new book.

There is a test for infantile men, as well as women. Infantile because of the way they look at life. They (men) don’t mind the wife working and taking care of everything. They view life pretty much as a child and don’t mind being mothered. This is often caused by: Father is critical and rough to the boy, and mother pampers, father died early on and mother pampers him, youngest male child gets pampered because the nest is emptying.

When you look at one of these guys and ask them what they contribute to the relationship, their answer is warped and self-excused. They really don’t believe that they are doing anything wrong, and feel that at least they are contributing love. The wife going through this feels tremendous guilt, as there is nothing she can do to help him stand on his feet, and often lives in denial. She often has a false sense of importance as he needs her.

These men used to be boys. These women used to be girls. As children, there are many things you should realize to prevent such a future. Have you heard of the term “tough love”? We often become enablers when we are parents. Are you part of the problem you see? You need to raise your child by preparing them for a tough world, and not always trying to fill their every need. The more problem solving skills they can develop as a youngster, the more successful they will be later-on in life. Stop feeling sorry for them, and guilty for their shortcomings.

Maybe your daughter/son used to take care of their parent while growing up. In this need to be loved, and needed, they search for a man/woman that are infantile or immature. As they grow older they will continue in this pattern until faced with the reality of their actions.

You may have a daughter or son that always calls for help, and seems unable to stand on their own even though they should be, they want the world of work to adjust to them. They want life to be about them, and know that you as a parent will always “bail them out”.

Boundaries are All Important: The parents should sit down and agree on guidelines to follow in this or that situation. They should pray together, and forgive one another so they don’t constantly point the finger at one another. Ego defense mechanisms “kick-in” and you will realize that you want to hurt one another, criticize your kids. People need to go to parenting classes and learn about what is most important…independence – not just social skills and wants.

You will pick a partner different from you. This doesn’t have to be destructive, just accept it as fact and move on. You always pick somebody different anyway. You can go-on to build a constructive and happy relationship. You don’t have to be the same.