For 2 months now, nakaugalian ko na ang uminom ng calamansi water (no sugar) bilang pang-detox ko. Narinig nyo na ba yung tungkol sa lemon water detox? Kung hindi pa, pwes! I-google nyo! Lol!

Seryos, wag na tayo mag anu-ano pa, harapin na natin ang totoo that we are now living in a highly toxic world. Air pollution, lamon ng  junk foods, maruming tap water, food preservatives at ng kung anik-anik pa, imposibleng walang may naiipon na toxins sa mga bodylicious natin.

Siempre, kelangan i-flush natin ang mga naipon na lason na yan. At hindi naman kelangan ang gumastos tayo ng mahal para mag-detox. Pinakamura o pinakasimpleng paraan na yata siguro ang magpakabundat sa pag inom ng TUBIG.

At siempre, para mas masaya, pigaan nyo na rin ng calamansi ang tubig nyo. Mas gusto ko nga sana yung yellow lemon talaga kaso mahalia ang presyo ng lemon dito sa amin at wiz ko afford kaya calamansi na lang pinipiga ko at pareho lang naman silang maasim. Hehe!

Lemon/calamansi water is very alkaline din at malaking tulong talaga to detoxify our body system. Marami din ang nagsasabi na nakakatulong ‘to sa pagpapayat.

May nabasa pa ako minsan sa isang website, alam nyo bang you need to drink 32 glasses of alkaline water just to neutralize one can of soda drink na nainom mo? Nyak! Sarap pa naman sana uminom ng soda. At alam naman natin na ang mahal ng alkaline water pag binili, di ba?

Pero wag agad ma-stress mga ateng! May paraan diyan at eto nga yun…ang lemon/calamansi water!  Just put drops of lemon/calamansi in clean water and there you have alkaline water na.

So bago lumagok ng coffee o kumagat ng pandesal sa umaga,  - start your every single day with a glass of lovely lemon/calamansi water!

Kung nagawi na kayo sa blog na HAY!MEN!, siguradong nabasa nyo na rin ‘tong manifesto ng tunay na lalake na nakabalandra sa sidebar nila dun.

MANIFESTO NG TUNAY NA LALAKE

1. Ang tunay na lalake ay di natutulog.
2. Ang tunay na lalake ay di nagte-text-back, maliban na lang kung papasahan ng load. Gayunpaman, laging malabo ang kanyang mga sagot.
3. Ang tunay na lalake ay laging may extra rice.
4. Ang tunay na lalake ay hindi vegetarian.
5. Ang tunay na lalake ay walang abs.
6. Ang tunay na lalake ay hindi sumasayaw.
7. Ang tunay na lalake ay umaamin ng pagkakamali sa kapwa tunay na lalake.
8. Ang tunay na lalake ay laging may tae sa brief.
9. Ang tunay na lalake ay di naghuhugas ng pinagkainan o nagliligpit ng kanyang mga gamit dahil may babaeng gagawa noon para sa kanya. Mas lalong nagiging tunay ang pagkalalake kung di niya kilala o di niya maalala ang pangalan ng babae.
10. Ang tunay na lalake ay di nagsisimba.

Hindi ko maiwasan na hindi ‘to i-blog dahil sa nadiskubre ko kaninang umaga habang nilalabhan ko ang mga maruruming damit ng only bigatin son kong si Kevin (18 years old).

Kung pagbabasehan ko ang nakasaad na manifesto ng tunay na lalake sa itaas, walang kaduda-duda  at sientoporsiento, TUNAY NA LALAKE ang unico hijo ko!

At bakit ko nasabi? Paano ako nakakasiguro?

Dahil yun DITO!

“8. Ang tunay na lalake ay laging may tae sa brief.”

Pasok na pasok sa Manifesto # 8 ang anak ko!

Okinams!! Muntik na ako himatayin sa gulat. Hindi ko alam kung magmumura ako kanina o matutuwa. Pero mas pinilit ko na lang na matuwa dahil napatunayan kong isang tunay na lalake ang panganay ko! Yey! Wahaha!

Wala na akong masabi. Sa totoo lang, isa ‘to sa mga hindi ko maintindihan sa mga lalake! Ayuf talaga!

Jos ko! Wag lang din sana mabasa ng anak ko ang blog kong ‘to at lagot ako.

Enways, ikaw? Tunay ka bang lalake?

P.S.

Hindi ko nakunan ng piktyur ang aktwal na brip ng anak ko dahil sa totoo lang ayaw ko tingnan. Hinugot ko lang sa Google ang piktyur na yan sa itaas. Pero parang ganun na ganun yun. Lol!

MAN: Father, I confess I slept with the priest from the church across the street.
PRIEST: Very well my son, 5 Hail Marys.. but remember next time that THIS is your church & I’m your priest!

* * * *

A father came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a new fancy and expensive bike.
“Where did you get the money for the bike?”
“Easy, Dad,” the boy replied, I earned it hiking.”
“Come on,” the dad said, “tell me the truth.”
“That is the truth,” the son said, “every night you were gone, our neighbor, Mr. Jones would come over to see Mom. He’d give me 100 bucks and tell me to take a hike!”

* * * *

Daughter of an Indian chief visits his doctor.
She tells doc, “Big Chief no fart.”
The doc told her to give him 3 pills a day.
Girl was back next day with same complaint.
The doc became worried and tells her to give him 10 pills every hour.
The next day girl comes back crying and says, “Big fart no Chief!”

* * * *

At a card shop. A woman was spending a long time looking at the cards, finally shaking her head, “No.”
A clerk came over and asked, “May I help you?”
“I don’t know,” said the woman. “Do you have any ‘Sorry I laughed at your dick’ cards?”

* * * *

He’s teaching arithmetic, he said it was his mission. He kissed her once, he kissed her twice & said, ‘Now that’s addition.’ And he added smack by smack, & she sweetly gave the kisses back & said, ‘Now that’s subtraction.’

Then he kissed her, she kissed him, and both smiled and said, ‘That’s multiplication.‘ Then Dad appeared and kicked the kid 3 blocks away & said, ‘That’s long division!’

* * * *

Confucius says:
‘Man who goes to sleep with sex on mind wakes up with solution in hand.’:P

* * * *

A prostitute visits a colleague who is having a heart transplant. She’s worried so she talks to the doctor.
Girl: I’m worried, doc, what if her body rejects the organ?
Doc: She’s 36 years old and healthy. How long has she been in business?
Girl: She’s been working since she was 19.
Doc: Hmm, 17 years and since then she hasn’t rejected an organ yet!

* * * *

A grandmother overheard 5-year-old Christy “playing wedding.” The wedding vows went like this:
“You have the right to remain silent, anything you say may be held against you, you have the right to have an attorney present. You may kiss the bride.”

* * * *

Lola: Ikulong nyo ang asawa ko, kasi puro dogstyle ang gusto nya!
Pulis: Lola, wala pong illegal sa dogstyle!
Lola: Pero inaamoy lang nya, tapos iihian!

* * * *

A stuffy matron is with a new man in a fancy resto. The onion soup gets to her, and as the waiter is serving main courses she lets loose a bombastic fart.

Trying to save face, she says to waites, “Sir! Please stop that immediately.”
“Certainly, madame,” replies waiter with a bow, “but which way was it headed?”

* * * *

Definition of Honeymoon...
The vacation a man takes before beginning to work under a new boss…

* * * *
Wife: Hon, at our age, ano kya ang best position sa sex?
Husband: Cguro, PUPPY style na lang!
Wife: ano yon?
Husband: Papindot-pindot at Papinger-pinger na lang!

* * * *

GF: Love, sarap pala ng first kiss.
BF: Oo, masarap talaga yun, 1st time mo pala mahalikan?
GF: Oo, 1st time ko! Kasi yung mga ex-BF ko gusto kantot kaagad eh!

* * * *

8 Things We’ve Learn From Watching Porn:
1. Women wear high heals to bed.
2. Man are never impotent.
3. Women always have orgasms when men do.
4. All women are noisy fucks.
5. Men always groan OH YEAH when they cum.
6. A common & enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his limpid dick & slap it repeatedly on a woman’s butt.
7. Asian Men don’t exist.
8. Women look pleasantly surprised when they open a man’s trousers & find a cock there!

* * * *

Lahat ng bagay, pag nagfall, may binabagsakan.
If you fall from a tree, sa lupa ang bagsak mo.
Kapag sa stairs, sa sahig ang bagsak mo.
What if you fall in love? Syempre, sa kama na ang bagsak mo!

* * * *

Matamis man ang pakwan,
mas matamis pa rin di hamak ang nakilala,
minahal,
niligawan,
hinalikan at
niyakap…
bago nagpakwan.

* * * *

Chinese father and son were very close that they even go together for ‘birds.’ (Sino term for prostitutes)
The son decided to study abroad, and before he left, the father said, “Son, we can’t look for chickens together, so if you need to look for them, go ahead and I’ll pay for it. But make the bill for ‘Shooting Bird’ so your Mom won’t suspect.”
After a month, the father received bill for ’shooting bird’ of €700 and let it passed. For the next several months the bills doubled, and the father suggested to him to try cheaper birds.

A month later, the father receives a new bill:
Shooting Bird – $50
Rifle Repair – $2000

* * * *

May isang Albularyo..
lahat ng halikan, gumagaling.
sakit ng ulo, hinalikan ung ulo, gumaling.
Lahat napagaling.
Isa lang di nya napagaling…
ALMORANAS!

ALL ABOVE SMS courtesy of MIKE

(sa loob ng beerhaus)
GRO (habang sumasyaw): ganito po sa amin, walang maayos na trabaho. Walang 2mu2long..
MAR R0XAS: anak, tumabi ka.. ako gigiling!

SMS courtesy of Wow-Kalabaw

* * * * *

BOY1: Ang kamote ni Lolo sobrang laki 1 araw namin kinain.
BOY2: yUng pakwan ni itay 3 araw namin kinain!
BOY3: La yan sa MANI ni inay, gabi-gabi kinakain ni itay di pa rin UBOS.

SMS courtesy of Wow-Kalabaw

* * * *

_”PaNo mAkAkAbUo kUnG hNdi aKo paPaToNg sAyO” -LeGo
“bAkiT mO aKo BiNiBiTin kUnG keLan kAiniTaN aT bAsAnG-bAsA aKo” -SiNaMpaY
“PaiNiTin mO aKo.. KaiLangAn kOnG PuMuToK pArA aKo’y MaTikMaN aT iKa’Y MaSaRaPaN” -PoPcOrn

..kitang kita ang mga greEn miNDeD..hehe!

SMS courtesy of Wow-kalabaw

* * * *

A philosophy prof asked his students juz 1 questi0n 4 der final exam, the questi0n is
“h0w r u going to make me believe dat dis chair infront of u is
invisible?”
it to0k ol of da students 1h0ur 2 finish writing d answer exept for 1 lazy student who only to0k 5 secs.
Aftr dat day d results r already posted.Dlazy student got d highest score, know wat his answer is?
“what chair?”
Lesson:
-dont make simple things in LIFE complicated..

SMS courtesy of Chona

* * * *

Next day, man was back and asked for same drinks and told the barman, “Just found out my youngest son is gay too.”

On the 3rd day, man came again to the bar ordering another double whiskies. Bartender asked, “Jesus, doesn’t anyone in your family like broads?”

The man shook head and replied, “Yeah, my wife!”

* * * *

A dying Mafia don called for his grandson.

“Grandson, I wanna you lissin to me. I wanna for you to take my chrome plated Colt .45 so you will always remember me.”

“But grandpa, I really don’t like guns… how about leaving me your Rolex instead,” the grandson replied.

The don gets a bit pissed off and hissays, “You lissin to me. Somma day you gonna be runna da biznes, you gonna have beautiful wife, lotsa money, big home and maybe a couple of bambini. Right?”

“I guess so, grandpops.”

“OK, soma day you gonna coma home and maybe finda wife in bed with another man. Whada you gonna do then? Point to da watch and say… TIMES UP?”

* * * *

One woman says to another, “I can’t understand why you haven’t gone to see that new gynecologist yet!”
“Mine is just fine. I don’t need to change.”
“But the new one’s so young and handsome, while your gynecologist is so old.”
“Yeah, I know. His hands shake all the time!”

* * * *

A young woman to her friends, “Yea know, I have never been kissed by any man except my husband.”
One of her friends asked, “Are you boasting or complaining?

* * * *

A Visayan looking for a house in U.S. tells the realtor, “I want a house with a BIG DICK facing the bitch.
Realtor: (confused) But which do you prefer the DICK or the bitch?”

* * * *

Quote of the Day:

“Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand!” – Woody Allen

* * * *

A blue whale ejaculates over 400 gallons of sperm but only 10% of that actually makes it into his mate.

So 360 gallons are spilled into the ocean everytime one unloads.

You still wonder why ocean water is salty?

* * * *

A cardiologist marries a gynaecologist and were blessed with twin girls.
Guess what they name them…
Angina and Vagina.

* * * *

Boy: i love u..
Girl: ahhh…
Boy: sabi ko, i love u..
Girl: oo nga, narinig ko.
Boy: eh, bat di ka sumasagot??
Girl: bakit? tanong ba yun?

* * * *

BJ ADVISORY:

1. Pagnilunok lahat, love ka niya.
2. Pag-ipinangmumog, nagyayabang siya.
3. Pag idinura, huwag mag-alala, may buhok lang na napasama.

* * * *
The worst thing na pweding sabihin ng tatay o nanay sa anak…
“kung alam ko lang ng magiging sakit ka nang ulo…
ipinunas na lang kita sa kumot…”

- it hurts!

* * * *

APO: Lola, ano ho ang ibig sabihin ng COMPANIONSHIP?
Lola: Yan ang pagsasama ng isang ***ng malambot at kiking tuyot na!

* * * *

Know the difference between STRENGTH and STAMINA?
Strength is when you can hang a wet towel on his dick.
Stamina is when you can leave it there till it dries.

* * * *

Advantages of tattooing a $1000 bill on your dick:
1. You can play with your money.
2. You can watch your money grow.
3. Your girlfriend can blow as much money as she wants!

* * * *

PEDRO: may ka-eyebol ako mamaya, anu kaya ang itsura nya? Kasi sabi niya may kamukha siyang celebrity, “Sh” ang cmula ng name.
JUAN: jackpot ka Pedro! Baka Sharon o Sheryl yan!

(matapos ang eyebol, umuwi si Pedro)

JUAN: kumusta eyebol mo? Bakit ka malungkot?
PEDRO: SHrek pare! SHrek!

* * * *

ALL ABOVE SMS courtesy of MIKE

Just do an internet search and of course, it is important that you know how to look for what you really want. However, once you have decided to make your choice of purchase online, always remember to ask the dealer for a guarantee and the terms of replacement in case your new baby jogger stroller has to be sent for possible repairs.

Diseases like hypertension, heart disease, cancer, diabetes etc. are just some of the major causes of obesity. No wonder the market today is flooding with weight loss pills of different chemical composition just to cure over weight problem. Well, it is probably okay to take diet supplement like ephedrine hcl as long as one should first consult a doctor or take it under strict medical supervision to avoid over dose that can cause serious side effect and health problem.

* * * *

12 seminarians to be ordained lined up with a tiny bell attached to their dick. A sexy nude girl danced before each of them. If the bell rings, no ordination.

For the first 11 seminarians, no bell rang. For the last seminarian, his bell rang very loud and fell off to the ground. He bent over to pick it up, exposing his dick. Suddenly…

ALL THE OTHER BELLS RANG!

* * * *

A guy goes to a pub & sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
Cheese sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00
He beckons one of the 3 attractive & sexy waiters.
“Yes?” she inquires with a knowing smile. “Can I help you?”
“I was wondering, whispers the guy, “Are you the one who gives the hand-job?”
“Yes,” she purrs, “Indeed I am.”
The man replies, “Well wash your damn hands, I want a cheese sandwich!”

* * * *

She said, “Kiss me, doctor!”
Doctor said, “I can’t as we doctors have an ethics standard that does not allow us to kiss our patients, in fact, I really shouldn’t be fucking you.”

* * * *

If you are an animal, what would you be a RABBIT SNAIL?
Rabbits are the most sensually active animals and can have sex as many as 40-50 times a day!
Snails live up to 80 years and will have sex only once in their lifetime, but its orgasm last for 18 hours.
Would you go for quantity or quality?

Tough choice ha!!

* * * *

2 magkumpareng walang magawa..
Pare1: pare, laro tayo! kada sabi ko ng 1 prutas, bubunot ako ng 1 buhok mo sa baba…
Pare2: cge pre! tapos kada sabi ko naman ng 1 warrior bubunot din ako sau. game!
Pare1: apple
(bunot ng 1)
Pare2: achilles!
(bunot ng 1)
Pare1: mango!
Pare2: odysseus!
Pare1: (kelangan kong makalamang..alam ko na!) 4 seasons!
(nakabunot ng 4)
Pare2: a ganun a.. eto sayo..
SPARTANS!
(nakabunot ng 300) kalbo ka ngayon!

* * * *

Two secretaries around the office’s water cooler.
Girl1: I just don’t know what to do. That good-looking guy in finance asked me out on a date. Should I go?
Girl2: Oh, my God! He’ll wine you, dine you, and then use any ruse to get you up to his appartment. Then he’ll rip off your dress and you’ll have fantastic sex?
Girl1: What should I do?
Girl2: Wear an old dress.

* * * *

In remembrance of Michael Jackson, all men should take a moment of silence, put their hands on their crotch, and just beat it!

* * * *

ALL ABOVE SMS courtesy of MIKE

Adik na kung adik pero hindi pwedeng hindi ako mag-online dahil kelangan ko i-monitor ‘tong pinakamamahal kong blog ko kung naka-UP sya dahil pag down ang blog ko…siguradong magpapaliwanag na naman ako sa presinto este sa mga sponsors ko.

At naiirita pa naman ako pag nagrereklamo sa barangay ang mga sponsors ko kasi kelangan ko ang makipag-balitaktakan o sumagot sa kanila in english. Lol! Eh nag iipon pa naman ako ng english ko kasi malay mo baka sa mga darating na araw ay makapag biyahe ako sa mga spokening-dollar countries. Kelangan marami akong baon.

Pasensya na kayo kung lately ay medyo hindi accessible ang blog ko, hindi dahil sa nag iinarte sya kundi inaayos ng labs kong webhost ang server nila at inilipat ako sa mas bonggang server.

Bilib din naman ako dito sa webhost ko… napaka-pasensyoso at talagang magaling. Hindi ka talaga pababayaan. Kaya kung may balak kayo magpa-webhost…kontakin nyo host ko.

* * * *

ANG LUBID

Cardio exercise ko ang skipping rope sa bahay. At least 300-500 skip ang nagagawa ko tuwing nagbabanat ako ng buto o nagpapapawis. Hindi na kasi ako nakakapag jog dito sa amin.

Enways, eto ang pic ng lumang skipping rope ko na nabili sa Toby’s last year. Sa mga nandun sa Toby’s sya ang pinaka-cheap at the price of P110.00.

Dahil mumurahin lang sya ay ano pa nga ba ang maaasahan ko?

Korek! Wala syang kwenta! Hindi magandang klase at laging sumasabit sa paa ko! Susme, ang ingay pa ng bakal sa may handle pag inikot. Pucha! minsan pa nga ay naipit daliri ko diyan! Ah basta, kung bibili kayo ng skipping rope….wag ang ganito klase.

Naghanap ako ulit ng skipping rope at gusto ko sana ay yung klase kagaya nung sa hipag ko dun sa Cainta. Yung …..BARBIE ang brand! Wahaha! Kaso nung pumunta ako sa Toy Kingdom, wala na sila nung Barbie brand.

Kahapon, sa isang Korean store dito sa amin….may nabili akong bago! Swak na swak sa akin ang presyo! Magkano? THIRTY PESOS!

Nakapagmura ako sa sobrang mura! Ang ganda kasi at ang gaan tsaka nung sinubukan ko sya, potah! ang ganda ng tunog! whooos whooos! whooos! At hindi sumasabit ang mga paa ko ha! Nakakaganang tumalon! Abah! Buy agad ako, mga ateng!

Binusisi ko rin siempre… matibay sya, imperness.

At ang maganda pa neto ay pwede mo syang lagyan ng pebbles sa loob ng handle nya kung trip mo na may weight ang hawakan.

Howel, kung sakaling makita nyo ko balang araw sa personal. ..huwag na huwag na kayo magtaka kung lumawlaw na ng todo ang bubs ko kahit walang unggoy na laging naglalambitin dito sa dyugs ko. Side-epek na yun ng skipping rope na ‘to..sa katatalon ko na yun!

“Alem nyo mge enek ko? Pegnemetey keyo, kung mebute keyo sa lupe, pegdeteng nyo se lengit, seselubungen keyo neng mge mge enghel ne meleleke eng pekpek!”

* * * *

Isang LINGGONG SULAT:

Dir Itay, sumulat ako ngayong Lunes, para maihulog ko ng MARTES, matanggap nyo ng MIYERKOLES, mabasa nyo ng HUWEBES, sagutin nyo ng BIYERNES, maihulog nyo ng SABADO, para magamit ko ang pera ng LINGGO..

Sagot ng Ama:

Dir Anak, yung sulat mo nung Lunes, naihulog mo ng MARTES, nattanggap ko ng MIYERKOLES. Binasa ko ng HUWEBES, sinagot ko naman ng BIYERNES at naihulog ko ng SABADO, para malaman mo ng LINGGO wala akong PERA!

* * * *

IN COURT:

Prosecutor: Lola, bakit nyo binaril sa bayag ang nagrape sa inyo?
Lola: Kasi po, nakapasok na sya sa akin tapos biglang hinugot at sinabi: “APRIL FOOL’S!”

* * * *

Isang lalaki dahil sa pagmamadaling makajingle ay dun napasok sa cr ng babae. Makiusyoso tayo, ok?

Babae: Ang bastos mo naman!
Lalake: Bakit miss? (patay malisya kunyari)
Babae: Hindi mo ba alam na pambabae itong napasukan mo?
Lalake: Bakit miss? Pambabae rin naman itong akin ah!

* * * *

Misis: Bakit kaya tayo kinakapos ng budget sa loob ng isang linggo?
Mister: Paano, limang araw lang akong nag-oopisina samantalang pitong araw ka naman kung GUMASTOS!

* * * *

Patient: Ok ba ang serbis sa ospital na ito?
Doc: oo naman, sigurado yon.
Patient: paano kung di ako satisfied.
Doc: ibabalik namin ang sakit mo!

* * * *

Mister: Labs, bakit ka umiiyak?
Misis: Nagseselos kasi ako sa bagong celfone mo.
Mister: Bakit naman?
Misis: Kasi may ibang libangan na ang daliri mo!

* * * *

News flash: ‘PGMA magseself quarantine pagdating niya from abroad as a precaution against swine flu.’ Isang tanong lng. Magiging effectibo ba yung self quarantine kung kasama nya sa quarters nya ay baboy mismo?

* * * *

ALL ABOVE SMS courtesy of MIKE

Myrtle Beach Resort, as one tourist mentioned in her hotel review, has beautiful landscaping and the lazy river pool area of the resort is a treat in itself.

Myrtle Beach Resorts, with their unlimited choices of hotel is not only highly commendable as girlfriend getaway or as a romantic getaway for honeymooners. People with disabilities and older travelers will surely enjoy the resort too. Check them online and book a room today!