When we see those tragedies happen to those we love, we struggle to find the words and know what to do. So all we can say is we’re sorry, we’re praying for you, we’ll do whatever whenever we can to help you.

Evansville, Indiana may be bigger than the town of 6,000 where I grew up, but it’s really a bunch of small towns all sewn together by road maps. We have many ties and love our neighbors. At least most of them.

I struggle to find words this morning to comfort those who mourn and just wanted to share the words of my friend Bill, Evansville Watch, that he posted on Facebook:

Life can change in an instant. Tonight’s tragic accident is a reminder to us all of that fact. Our thoughts and prayers go out to the family of the fallen firefighter, to the injured firefighter and to their family and friends. To the McCutchanville Fire Department family, please know we are praying for each of you. We can’t begin to understand your pain but as a community, we mourn with you. So often we lean on your shoulders as you help us through life’s tough moments. Please feel free to lean on us now..we are here for you.

I know that any firefighter across the country that hears of tonight’s tragedy will feel a pain in their heart too. They are part of one big brother and sisterhood and when one hurts, they all hurt. As I said the other day, these guys and gals walk into places you and I run from. They are our everyday heroes and when a tragedy like this strikes, it deeply affects us all.

We pray for the fallen firefighter..we pray for the injured firefighter..we pray for their families and friends..we pray for each and every one of you. 

May God be with you.
May God bless you all.

Bill, Debby, Jaga, Richard, Kristi and
the 16000+ members of EvansvilleWatch

For those who mourn, our tears join yours. You are lifted in prayer.

Please know that those who love you will do whatever we can to help you during this terribly tragic time.

1. School. When my son was younger, he always asked for this one. I always told him no.
2. Chores.  He tried this one too, with the same answer: no. (By the way, if you think kids who grow up on farms benefit from helping on the family farm, the Dept. of Labor is trying to regulate them from doing this. Public comments have been requested by the Dept. of Labor.)
3. Animal Care.  Yes, the litter box must be cleaned during Lent. Animals must still have food and water.
4. Musical Instrument Practice. We paid for the instrument, we pay for the lessons, and you WILL practice!
5. Paying bills. Mortgage companies, utilities, and banks will not buy this.
6. Exercise.  Not an excuse. Keep on moving!
7. Things You Don’t Have or Do. As my daughter said,  ”You can’t give up Playstation 2 if you have a Playstation 3.”
8. Bathing and Personal Hygiene. Once upon a time it might have been ok to take one bath each winter. Queen Elizabeth I may have bathed only once every 6 months. No longer in style.
9. Laundry.  40 days is a long time to wear the same clothes. Or to have that many different outfits to wear.
10. Cooking. I have been tempted to take a Lenten holiday and quit cooking for my family. They can cook for themselves. However, someone is going to have to prep the meals.

Bottom line: what we give up for Lent is something that distracts us or is bad for us. I’m thinking of giving up second helpings and am still thinking what else to give up.

The other part is if we give something up, we also need to add something – to add something positive to our lives.

Yesterday was Fat Tuesday. So today, we begin Lent so we can reflect and be best prepared to celebrate the Holy Triduum, concluding in Easter, in 40 days.

So how do we get that people don’t know what nutrition is? We were all taught it in school. We see it on TV. It’s in newspapers, on the web, and in magazines all the time.  Yet I still go to the grocery store – whether it’s the low budget no frills store or the high end suburban grocery store – and see the kid who only eats chicken nuggets made of cut up processed chicken parts which could conceivably include bones, fat, dyes, breading of who knows what, and any semblance it once had to real meat is now gone.

Or the other choice is a pre-packed lunch box because we are incapable of putting together cheese, crackers, and a cookie all wrapped up in an MSG high calorie package with a cholesterol bow on top.

We don’t want to know. We want to live in a world of denial where:

• Eating a pickle spear counts as a vegetable because once upon a time part of it was a cucumber.
• That ketchup packet in the drive thru counts as a vegetable serving.
• French fries count as a double vegetable because we super-sized the order and threw extra salt on top.
• We justify fruit drink as a fruit because it’s the color of a fruit and has fruit in its name.
• We say we can’t afford healthful food choices when a grocery card is full of sodas, snacks, box mixes, frozen snacks, and more.

Bogus. We know better. Isn’t it time if we are going to make bad choices for our menus that we just own them and say, “I know these food choices will boost my cholesterol, make me gain weight, suck the nutrients I do eat from my body, and shorten my lifespan, but I don’t care.“

I deserve better, and so do you. Try a single baby step. Swap out a single snack for a vegetable. Next week, make it two. If we plan menus for our families or for others, work twice as hard to give health a chance.

Warning: if I cook a meal for you or help you plan an event, I’m going to ask, “Where’s the food?” And that is going to mean real food, as in original source fruits and vegetables.

I’m doubly determined because last year my town was highly ranked for its obesity rate. Like others concerned in my community, I’m working to do my part to knock down our rating and build the fitness of our community.

All I am saying is: give health a chance. I know that if I want there to be health in Evansville, I have to let it begin with me, and my own dinner table.

Won’t you join me?

For years, I’ve told my social media classes that colleges and scholarship committees do social media background searches. Now, as the parent of a graduating high school senior, I see the ways they use social media to better communicate.

When we tour a campus, I now tweet about it to see if their college administration is listening. So far, half respond. I want my teens to learn to use social media well. If a college leads by example, monitors their own Twitter presence, and replies to my tweets, that’s a plus in their favor. For the colleges that don’t, it’s a potential red flag.

My most amusing moment was at a college day when I checked in on FourSquare and watched the Admissions reception table. I stood by the side and noted when one of the admissions counselors saw the Tweet on her phone. She immediately tweeted on behalf of her college’s admissions office. Then, she grabbed the counselor next to her, they looked me up, and then I could see their scanning the room to find me. I said nothing but nearly exploded with laughter the moment they saw me. Neither of them said a word. But later that day, one of them asked, “Do you use Twitter?”

Answer: “Yes.”

I was impressed with the school that gave their scholarship weekend a Twitter hashtag to see if any students tweeted about it. And I enjoyed the professors’ banter with that hashtag. About half the colleges she has applied to have made creative use of private Facebook groups to better communicate with students and their parents. (And you know that means they are also screening students and their social media profiles.)

Now, I see it’s also important to flip the search. Last weekend, I started a Hootsuite page to search  my daughter’s top college choices.

What’s being tweeted about my daughter’s prospective college choices? Who is tweeting about them?

Here’s what I’ve found in 3 days:

• One college is under pressure to drop certain majors because of declining enrollment. I checked my daughter’s department and preferred major, and it’s not on the list.
• One college has just had student protests because of a professor’s ill-advised, inappropriate use of Facebook.
• Some colleges tweet links to their research studies.
• Lots of students love their college’s sports teams and live tweet during games. And they hate it when their teams lose.
• Some professors require students to tweet and do an excellent job of engaging students in online conversations.
• Some colleges promote their career fairs via Twitter. (a very good thing)
• Some college students blog about stupid things their classmates say in class.
• Some college students hate the cafeteria food. (Imagine that.)

Colleges do social media background searches to see if a student’s test scores, transcript, scholarship essays, and interviews reflect what the students say and do on social media. I think that’s a good thing.

Parents need to do social media background searches on prospective colleges to ensure that the gorgeous brochures and weekend tours match what is happening on campuses.

Now, as I train parents, youth leaders, and teens on social media, basic tenets of Suzuki training apply to teaching teens to use it well.

1. Learning begins young. Age 13 is the minimum for social media sites like Facebook. I support that minimum and also believe that’s a good time for parents to introduce their kids to limited social media use where they learn to use it well.  It is easier to friend and guide a 13 year old than it is a 15 or 18 year old. Teach them well while they are more likely to listen. As we moved back driving ages, more teens have opted not to do any drivers ed but to simply get their licenses at age 18. And now studies are showing an increase in traffic fatalities among these 18 year olds because they never learned to drive well or with training. The same applies to social media.
2. Nurture by love. Kids who feel loved and connected are going to be more likely to reflect that in their social media content. Once I heard a teen refer to another mom, “I feel sorry for her kids when they are sick. She complains on Facebook about it so much they must think she hates them.” What is she teaching them?
3. Good examples inspire greatness. Parents and youth leaders who model using social media for good lead by example. Teach teens by example to promote their communities and encourage others. Kids learn to talk by listening to their parents. They are still listening – and reading – as teens.
4. Listen. Suzuki parents listen to their kids play and help them improve, a little at a time, with positive encouragement.  Sometimes I tell parents to see what their kids are doing on social media, and they refuse. Their kids might be asking for help or need some encouragement. Other times, parents listen, and we help their kids avoid driving off a cliff. Many parents have no clue what their kids are posting on Facebook or Twitter.

Savvy social media use will matter for teens when they pursue jobs, college entrance, and scholarships. Social media background checks are and will be the norm.  

My kids know I can access their latest Facebook statuses with 2 clicks on my smartphone. In my parenting via social media classes, I tell the story of how I responded and what happened the day my phone joined the wrong teen’s Facebook profile to my daughter’s contact – and the OTHER girl posted an expletive ridden update about her family.

Families invest time and money helping their teens prep for college entrance exams. They often hire tutors if needed and make sure their kids have well-rounded outside activities.

It is now equally imperative that families work with teens on smart social media use that helps – and doesn’t hurt – their future college and career options.  

Teens who use social media well, especially those who are funny, can set themselves above the pack at scholarship time.

I just watched that viral Youtube with the angry dad who shoots his daughter’s laptop. I won’t embed it because it embodies on many levels what can go wrong with parents who don’t interact well with their teens on social media.

The mistakes?

• Don’t humiliate people online. Even if people are out of line, public humiliation never improves a situation.
• Don’t post when angry. I’ve done it, and I’ve learned from mistakes. When angry, step away from the keyboard and put down the phone.
• Don’t destroy property. This is hard as a parent – there are times as a parent of teens, I have gotten that angry. Physical violence does not solve problems.
• Don’t respond to anger with more anger. Anger + anger = more anger, not resolution of a problem.

I teach community classes to youth organizations and church groups – on how to work with young people on social media. I share my own mistakes and experiences as a mother of Facebooking teens.

Like every parent of teens, there are moments I have felt that absolute hit the wall frustration. The best advice I was ever given was by a more experienced mom who advised me to approach discipline issues with a perspective of how to address the problem but not block lines of communication.

Shooting a teen’s laptop and posting it on Youtube will not improve family dynamics.

My older teen will leave home in 6 months for college. With each day, I realize that our time before she leaves is precious; even when we’re angry at each other, I’ve got to find ways to make it better.

We all know our time with kids passes quickly; what happens if a tragedy strikes right now, with this family, before they can make peace and find resolution? This angry video would stand as the tombstone on the grave of their family peace and happiness for lifetimes.

I’ve been at the receiving end of public humiliation. Once when I was a toddler in church, as my parents were musicians, I sat in a pew and decided I had had enough being good in church. So I kicked the pew in front of me with my dress shoes. And I kept kicking and pounding the pew, which echoed so loudly I woke up the guy in choir who always slept through the sermons. The lady who was supposed to watch me did not stop me. As soon as the service ended, my mother marched into the congregation and whipped me in front of everyone. I never kicked a pew again.

Yes, I needed to be taught a better way to behave. Public humiliation was not the way to make that happen. I still remember that Sunday morning over 40 years ago.

Like the dad in the video, I had a tough road and worked my own way through it. Thank God my teens have an easier life and know what it’s like to have the childhood I didn’t.

Parents do need to monitor and respond to how their teens interact on social media.

This video, however, is a tragic testimony in how not to socially parent.

A lifetime later, as the mother of teens, we had set a tradition of wearing nice clothes on Sunday to church. Gone were the gloves, hats, skirts, and stockings. But we still tried to dress nicely and never let our kids wear jeans to church.

A couple of years ago, one Sunday morning, I felt terrible. I barely made it into church and was wearing jeans because I just didn’t feel up to changing into something nicer. They weren’t dirty or torn. But when we walked into church, there was a Church Lady who looked me up and down and glared at me with the Death Stare.

Woah.

As she stared at me with disapproval, I thought back to a lifetime ago, when I was in a community theatre production of Godspell at the age of 18. Godspell‘s author had struggled with addiction issues, found Jesus, and stumbled into church one Sunday (wearing jeans and looking scruffy) and also got the Death Glare. He was then inspired to write Godspell, a contemporary musical of the life of Jesus, based on the gospels of Matthew and Luke. Yes, it was very 1970′s.

Then I thought back to my own days as a struggling college student when I was lost and hurting, and the occasional Sundays when I would quietly slip into the back pew of a church, desperately hoping for something that could fill the gap in my heart. As I sat anonymously in those back pews, had I gotten a Death Glare for wearing jeans, I might not have returned. I might not have realized that we go to church to worship God, not to seek the approval of other people.

That resulted in my change of Sunday clothes.  My family is dressed well, and I usually wear jeans – coordinated with an outfit, but jeans.  If my clothes offend someone, I would rather get the dirty look than risk someone lost and hurting in the back pew gets it instead.

As a Catholic, Christian believer, I know my job is to serve as the hands and feet of Jesus – to reach out to those who are lost and hurting and show them someone cares. I know how they feel because I was once one of them. Sometimes I achieve that goal better than others and merely hope each day I can do a better job at it than the day before.

Paul said he would be all things to reach all people.

For me, in this season, that means I wear my mom jeans to church.

Teriyaki tangelo garlic chicken wings

I wanted to find a chicken wing recipe that had a different zing from traditional buffalo and made up this recipe with ingredients I had. And I wanted a baked version that didn’t require a lot of time to make.

Ingredients:

• 1 1/2 lbs. chicken wings, separated
• 1/2 cup low sodium teriyaki sauce
• 3/4 cup freshly squeezed tangelo juice (I used 5 tangelos)
• 1 T garlic herb seasoning (I use a sodium/MSG free variety)
• 1 tsp. hot sauce

Recipe

1. Mix together teriyaki sauce, tangelo juice, herb seasoning, and hot sauce.
2. Let chicken marinade in this sauce in a 9 inch square glass baking dish in a single layer for at least 4 hours.
3. Put chicken with marinade into oven and set oven to 325 degrees.
4. When oven reaches 325, bake at least 1 hour, turning chicken every 15 minutes. The last 20 minutes, raise the temperature to 425 to brown them. Ten minutes before they are done, turn them to brown evenly.
5. Serve hot.

Last year, KFC Scholars gave away a $20,000 scholarship in a Twitter contest, to a student who won with a single Tweet.

Colleges and scholarship committees routinely do social media background checks to ensure top applicants’ presence online matches the carefully crafted applications, essays, and interviews.

New century, new skills. If you want an edge up on scholarship hunts, you and your teen need to learn to use social media pronto. And I don’t just mean how to post a status and a picture. It’s knowing what to post and how to post. And knowing what not to post. Social savvy is like the vitamin supplement to a scholarship search.

Basic tips to get started:

1. Google search news alert is your friend. This lets you receive regular emails for any new online sites that mention a name or phrase.
2. Makeovers aren’t just for homes or fashion. A teen who has been online since age 13 may need to do some spring cleaning of old information. I help business people package themselves online and sometimes help teens as well. Sometimes, it’s a matter of learning best practices.
3. Twitter is your ally. With the hash tag #CollegeChat, I have learned countless tips this year to help me better help my daughter with scholarship applications.
4. Colleges are already here. Colleges are watching what students post and Tweet. They are inviting applicants and incoming freshmen to join Facebook groups. Some are creating parent groups as well. Some are friending incoming freshmen.  This is an opportunity for students and their families to distinguish themselves from the pack with constructive posts and the ability to ask good questions.

In Spencer’s Mountain, Clay Boy learns Latin, wins the scholarship, and goes to college. Of course, he later goes on to become a writer of hit movies and TV series.

For me, my teens are at the beginning of their scholarship and college journeys. I don’t know what the ending will be. But I do know that savvy use of social media is a tool in their college prep arsenal to give them their best chance at a better education.

photo © 2009 Tom Thai | more info (via: Wylio) 

Look out if you travel with me because I may well begin singing even if you’re there. When I skip my routine, my outlook and energy level declines, and I don’t produce as well.

Why these 2 songs? I identify with John Newton, the author of “Amazing Grace.” Though he had some religious training as a boy, he had a troubled beginning and became the captain of a slave ship. One night, during a terrible storm when he was certain they would sink, he asked God for help. They survived the night, and his conversion began. He changed his whole life and wrote “Amazing Grace” about the process.

His conversion began with a single night. Paul’s took 3 days of blindness. My own took 4 weeks of bedrest during a high risk pregnancy, alone in a hospital 100 miles from home. I write of it in He Uses It For Good. I was just a little bit stubborn. (My husband suggests I still am.) My world changed when I was humbled.

Then I sing a verse later added by Harriett Beecher Stowe in Uncle Tom’s Cabin. It’s a verse originally sung by African American slaves, passed from one generation to the next. They inspire me, and I sing that verse because of its message that we can be set free from the chains of generations past that bind us.

Amazing grace! How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind but now I see.

When we’ve been there ten thousand years,
Bright shining as the sun,
We’ve no less days to sing God’s praise,
Than when we first begun.

And with that freedom, I can then sing the “Star Spangled Banner” and remind myself that no matter what happens – rockets red glare or bombs bursting in air – my flag will be there.

I grew up on the other side of the mountain and climbed a long way to see this side – a good side. Those songs remind me to savor the joys of the world around me and make the most of them. There are other mountains to climb, but I’m not alone.  Amazing Grace has carried me this far and will continue to do so.

So if you’re driving in rush hour some morning, and you see a middle aged Plato-packin’ Mama singing while she drives, it might be me.

I’m thanking God for the opportunity to build a new world and raise my family in the land of the free and the home of the brave.