This is a picture of Lisa and me at our new home . . . okay, not quite . . . it’s from a few years back when we visited Chatsworth.  But, we did move to a new place (doesn’t look quite like this and we don’t have to bother with all that staff!) and have been busy fixing/building/settling. And we’re still laughing, loving, building life together. Not that the Dark Side hasn’t dished up a few choice challenges in recent years (that sent us reeling, truth be told) but we’re still on our knees before God, praising Him, and still clinging to each other.

Are you enjoying the richness, closeness . . . the fun! . . . you imagined for your marriage on your wedding day? Are you starting this year strong? Hopeful for a deeper marriage? Or has life got you in a tough spot? I just finished reading Lisa’s recent article about just that and, no matter where you’re at in your marriage, it’s super encouraging (although I didn’t like the part where she mentions the bad mistake I made!). Her message is all about grace and goodness . . . what God has in marriage for those who seek to listen to His voice. I’d like to share it with you. Here’s how it begins . . .

I’ll confess I inwardly balked when my husband first suggested it. Take the day off? How could we afford to take an entire day off when there was still so much to do?

But then I cringed when I heard our 16-year-old son laugh. “This usually means, ‘Let’s take a day off so we can really get some work done.’”

Ouch. 

So no. Not this time. This time, we were going all-out irresponsible and actually taking Friday off—off work, off house projects, even off parenting stuff. Like really, really OFF. Crazy town.

We took a Marriage Day, and it was the best thing ever.

The day began with going out to breakfast at our favorite café, complete with steaming lattes, freshly baked gingerbread scones, and poached eggs with homemade hollandaise sauce. Then, grabbing our to-go boxes, we poked our heads into every interesting shop along the street where we’d parked the car.

We returned home with a basket of pine cones, balsam & cedar candles, and an old black wooden rocking chair.

Could be called shopping, but we thought of it more as treasure-hunting. And although our first stop was a high-end home décor boutique, our last store could only be described as a junk shop…but also where Matt spotted that sweet rocking chair. And it felt a little like winning the lottery.

It was the kind of day that was better than a thousand hours of marriage counseling. (Not that I’m against counseling—far from it. My husband is a marriage coach!)

Truly, a Make-Your-Marriage-Better kind of day.

Before I go much further, I should tell you that I’m not a big goal-making New Year’s resolution person. Instead, I tend toward the small-steps, incremental sort of approach.

And yet.

After thirty years of marriage (thirty!), I’m convinced that it’s essential we be intentional about growing together—no matter how many or few years you’ve been together.

So yes, as unromantic as it sounds, I make marriage goals each year.

And I highly recommend it.

If you’ve never made specific marriage goals before and are looking for ideas? Here are five goals I’ve set for us this year, along with a few specific applications. Of course, your list will likely be different than mine, but see what you can come up with! The rest of what Lisa shares is right here!

On Your Way to a Deeper Marriage . . .

I’d also like to tell you about our new 1 year, once-a-week, marriage devotionals that lead to a deeper marriage (and a lot more fun!)  – released just a couple of months ago. There are two volumes because Lisa and I took 52 topics with 52 Scriptures and wrote devotionals covering the same topic/Scripture the same day – me to men and Lisa to women. We also included some discussion personal reflection prompts and several questions to ask each other that week that will greatly help in marriage communication as you go through the books together. For our single friends and those who’s spouses don’t want to participate, the devotionals can be read independently, as well. Designed for two, the content of each book stands alone and will encourage/edify the single reader. You can check them out here:

When discipling single men, eventually I ask, “Are you faithful to your wife?” 

They look quizzically at me and explain, “But, I”m not married.” 

“So, it’s okay to be unfaithful to your wife before you meet her?” 

“Well, I’m not sleeping around.”

“So, that’s the standard? No sex before marriage? What about all the stuff that makes you feel great just short of the full meal deal . . . studying anatomy using the braille system . . . passionate kissing, porn . . . . that sort of thing?” 

The biblical truth is, if you’re doing all or most of the things married couples do with someone who isn’t your wife, you’re being unfaithful to the woman you hope to marry someday. Simple as that. 

Of course, from the perspective of the world and many (most?) of those single men who call themselves “Christian”,  this kind of thinking is straight from planet Zork. ‘That’s crazy, unrealistic, out of step with the real world, and besides, everyone is doing it,’ so the logic goes. 

And that logic has it about right – “Be holy as I am holy in all of your behavior” (1 Peter 1:15)  is totally out of step with just about everything. And yet, this is exactly what God has said to His people. 

Holiness is the call of God on every married man – and every unmarried man – yet, somehow we’ve bought into the idea that the standard is different (lower) before marriage . . . but, is it?

The Bible says that Jesus Christ loved the Church (His bride) before and after they met. “But God commends (demonstrates) his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8. Jesus loved us before we even knew Him.

The instruction to love your wife as Christ loves the Church and gave himself for it isn’t just about faithfulness after the wedding. Love your wife today by laying down your life for her, even before you meet her – just like Jesus did for His bride. Your flesh may regret it, but your wife will love you for it and you will be faithful to God’s call on your life.

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* Be totally faithful to their wives (future wives, if your single!)

* NEVER look back!

Here’s what one happy wife said this week: My husband is doing it (the course) and says every man who struggles should go through your program. So biblical and encouraging! Thank you! What are you waiting for? Don’t hesitate! CLICK HERE and Sign up today!

I have to admit, this year I haven’t put in the time and my garden looks a bit like Jurassic Park . . . minus the dinosaurs. Although there is one rabbit that keeps evading us and chewing on everything. Obviously he doesn’t know how much I like Tarragon Rabbit in cracked pepper cream sauce! One of these days . . .

Still, we’re getting some produce and it’s . . . awesome! Have you ever bit into a deep red, vine-ripened tomato picked straight from the garden? How about going out early in the morning to pick a fat watermelon? It’s so good! But, the best of what a garden can offer doesn’t happen by itself, does it? It takes work. No one is surprised to see a neglected garden full of weeds and pests doing poorly.

. . . Which brings me to a question: Is your wife thriving? Is she radiant? Is she confident that she is deeply loved and valued by you? What would she say if asked this question? Does she feel close and connected with you or are you both just trudging through your week, keeping the wheels on the wagon/the gears turning – like good business partners?

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Think about it before you answer. A beautiful garden is admired by everyone, but it doesn’t happen without a lot of attention, watering, weed-pulling, and carefully invested time. Your marriage is exactly the same. The way it grows is a result of how you nurture and care for it. So, how is your marriage growing? How is the garden of your wife’s heart?

In a Church given the command, “Love your wife as Christ loved the Church and gave himself for her,” there can be no excuse for a wife who isn’t supremely loved, deeply cherished, and greatly valued.

Are you investing in the most important relationship you’ll have this side of heaven? Does your wife know explicitly (through action, not just words) that you deeply love and value her? Don’t waste time. Call/text her right now . . . set aside time this afternoon/evening – Don’t let today go by without speaking into her heart. If you need a little help with that, check out the books 100 Ways to Love Your Wife and 100 Words of Affirmation Your Wife Needs to Hear.

Also, be sure to check out our latest FAITHFUL LIFE podcast episode: How You Can Stay Close and Connected in These Busy (and troubled) Times.

Motherhood is beautiful . . . it’s also the hardest job in the world! And, while rewarding at times, it’s an endeavor designed to make even the most devoted, intelligent, hardworking, committed, efficient mom bone tired . . . so tired that as soon as she gets up from a nap, she could go right back to sleep. She’s not just physically tired. Her soul is weary. She’s emotionally spent and her spirit feels dry and brittle.

Can you identify with “the worn out mom”?

Men, are you married to a woman who has become so tired, so worn out that she feels she will never get on top of things again and her joy in life is ebbing away? I remember the season of raising young children when Lisa got near to this place. It was discouraging for her to continually give her best efforts, only to feel she was slipping further and further behind.

Communicating that you care is important but, there is so much a husband can do . . . so much he must do . . . to reach into his wife’s heart and rejuvenate her spirit. This isn’t a time merely for kind words. Don’t be passive. This is a time to take action . . . to go head-to-head with this joy-robbing, soul-draining season. What can a mom do? What should a husband do?

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What former students are saying . . . 

Don’t wait! Enroll today!

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Join Lisa and me on Faithful Life podcast for the latest episode: “Encouragement for the Worn Out Wife & Mom and How Men can be a blessing to their wives.” There are many practical steps you both can take to make a massive, positive difference in your hearts and home. Could you use some encouragement? Join us, today! Perhaps you know a mom who could use the encouragement, too. This would be a great episode to share with her!

No one plans on being bitter but, if we’re not careful, we can find ourselves dwelling on thoughts that lead us down that destructive path. Have you been tempted to “go there”? Are you there right now – bitter at your spouse, your kids, friends . . . Life . . . bitter against God?

Bitterness is subtle because it’s often based on real wounds inflicted by a person you trusted. You’re justified in your perspective and now you’re dwelling on those angry, hurt feelings. God doesn’t want us to pretend those bad things haven’t happened but he doesn’t want us to live as a victim of those bad things, either. The deceit of bitterness is that the bitter person believes she is holding the offense in righteousness but, in truth, the bitterness has ahold of her, spreading it’s poison throughout her life and all her relationships.

This is exactly why the Scriptures warn against “a root of bitterness”. Hebrews 12:15 says, “Looking diligently lest any man fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled. “

Did you catch that? Bitterness troubles the person who is bitter. It eats you out from the inside, poisoning your thoughts – affecting your whole life. But, it doesn’t stop there. It defiles many. The first victim of bitterness is the bitter person. The second category of victims?. . . All the people who interact with the bitter person. Bitterness defiles everything and everyone it touches.

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What former students are saying . . . 

Don’t wait! Enroll today!

If you’ve lived a life of failure, that might be hard to believe but, don’t take my word for it! Check out 1 Corinthians 10:13. What we feel about being tempted is not the truth. What God says about temptation is the Truth. This verse literally states that God has rigged the rules of the fight so you will never be backed into a corner that you can’t get out of! Take the time to check out this verse. Read it . . . savor it! It’s super encouraging!

We need to have a clear head when we go into our next battle with whatever the Enemy uses to try to bring us down. And the only way for a Christian to have a clear head in spiritual warfare is 1) To know what the Word of God says 2) Believe it 3) Walk in that Truth.

We will war in the dark valley of temptation based on what we believe. Do you believe Him when God says He will never allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able to bear? It’s a powerful Truth for facing powerful temptation.

If you find yourself struggling with temptation and yielding to the Enemy again, and again, please do two things: Listen to the latest episode of FAITHTHUL LIFE podcast – Struggling with Temptation? Why you NEVER Have to Give in Again!

And, please check out FREEDOM Course at Freedom.FaithfulMan.com and join the many men from all over the world who have found true freedom from the bondage the Enemy wants to keep us all in.

Listen to what Archie, who just completed FREEDOM Course, said:

“This course has changed my life. If you have ever engaged in pornography or any sexual sin, I’m here to tell you there is FREEDOM to be found here. 

I thought I was always going to struggle with porn and the lust of the flesh. If you have ever thought that, I say this with tears in my eyes and a happy heart, that you don’t have to live that way any longer…and through this course, you won’t! Bold, I know, but If you believe in the redemptive Power of Christ, believe that HE transforms lives through this course.”

That’s awesome, isn’t it? Bondage broken. True freedom found. A life turned toward God. A marriage on the mend. If you struggle with temptation, don’t wait. Enroll today. I teach LIVE! Five sessions – about 7.5 hours. We’ll get to know each other as you learn to walk in freedom as never before. The next class starts in a couple of weeks . . . check it out, here: FREEDOM Course

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If you believe in the purpose and mission of FaithfulMan.com and FAITHFUL LIFE podcast and FREEDOM Course and would like to support us, please CLICK HERE to DONATE

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Good Man: An Honest Journey into Discovering

Who Men Were Actually Created to Be

Yes, Jesus is the Good Shepherd, but Jesus has a way of doing and saying things you least expect, especially when you’re facing a faith-challenging storm. Remember when he was with the disciples crossing the Sea of Galilee in a boat? Jesus goes to sleep and a storm comes up . . . but not just any storm . . . a faith-challenging storm.

Big storm? No problem! These weren’t just any disciples. They were experienced, seasoned sailors – fishermen – men who spent their lives on the water, made their living from the sea. And Jesus slept.

Regardless of how good they were handling a boat, even though they started out the voyage with complete confidence in their knowledge and ability, waves began breaking over the side of the boat. Every sailor knows what that means. And Jesus slept.

At sea with blue water over the bow means you’re going down, and that almost certainly means death. The disciples  (the sailors) began to panic. Jesus was leading this voyage. He was the one who instructed them all to get into the boat and disembark. Where was he? Jesus slept.

Jesus – He just doesn’t do what we think he should . . . especially when we’re facing a storm.

The disciples frantically wake him up. He listens to their desperate cries, “We’re going to die!!” and then he . . .

. . . comforts them? Gives them a hug? Tells them everything is going to be okay? Looks softly into their eyes and assures them, “You’ll make it?”

Not exactly! In the midst of waves crashing over the bow of the boat, Jesus criticizes them saying, “Oh you of little faith”! Jesus expected them to have faith in the midst of the storm.

Really? In the middle of a fierce, life-threatening, faith-challenging storm, Jesus rebukes the sailors . . . because they don’t have faith? So, what was Jesus’ point? Why should grown men, fearing imminent death not fear? . . . not panic?  . . . not desperately shake Jesus awake in the midst of their biggest fear-inducing trial?

It’s as if Jesus was saying, “I am here, with you. Regardless of what is happening, there is, literally, no reason to fear. Relax. Trust in me.” Is this how you are responding in the storm you are facing, right now?

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We all have blue water coming over the bow in some way, at some point. Are you at that point right now?

Financial stress, relational troubles, sickness, uncertainty, physical trauma,  . . . what is the nature of the storm you are facing? . . . and, how does God expect you to respond?

Is your faith in the finished work of Jesus Christ strong? Are you confident in God’s sovereignty and goodness? Are you walking in peace in the midst of the storm?  Or, do you want to grab Jesus by the robe and shake him awake, trying to get him to pay attention to you and your situation?

Where is our focus? Are you, like the disciples, seeing only the waves or, are you resting in the reality of the presence of Christ, with you, in the midst of life’s storm? Stop looking at your circumstances. Put your faith, confidence, and trust in Him and you will be covered in a peace no storm can touch.

And now, just when the country was ready to get back to “normal”, the president announces that “Social Distancing” is required until April 30^th . . . not what the nation hoped. Shelter-in-place orders around the country have thrown families together in ways they never anticipated.

Couples and families are now spending all day, every day together, weeks on end – it’s a situation made for tension, frayed nerves, and damaged relationships. The cold fingers of uncertainty and fear are reaching into homes and families around the world. Are they touching your marriage, too?

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Have you seen the hash tag #CoronaDivorce? The pressure brought on by the Wuhan Flu, Corona Virus, Covid-19, the Chinese Flu – whatever you choose to call it – is too much for some and they’re calling it quits.

Difficult times don’t strengthen your marriage. They reveal the strength of the marriage you have. Are you growing closer in these increasingly challenging days or more edgy, snippy, and harsh? What is coming to the surface in your marriage as the pressure mounts?

The Enemy has an intended use of these troubled times in your marriage. He’s out for destruction. God has an intended use of trials, too! Have you thought about how to guard your marriage and grow closer as you “shelter-in-place” while the world falls apart?

Don’t let fear and the Enemy do their worst. On FAITHFUL LIFE podcast, we’re having a practical discussion about how your marriage can thrive in troubled times. We hope you join us for a positive, encouraging conversation!

Only one problem . . . babies can’t walk. Babies don’t make decisions to come and go. Babies need to be carried.

“Don’t prevent the babies from being brought to me,” Jesus was saying. And He was making a profound point: Babies are never in the way of what God is doing in the world. Babies are what God is doing in the world, in fact, they are what heaven is all about.

Do you have Jesus’ values when it comes to babies . . . or do you agree with the disciples He rebuked publicly, who believed babies impede the things that matter, get in the way of life’s important priorities?

Many agree with the disciples. The World Health Organization reports there will be 40-50,000,000 abortions this year, worldwide. Of course good Christian people are against all that!

But good Christian people have other ways of preventing babies from coming to Jesus. How about ignoring your responsibility to disciple their hearts to know and love God? Remember, little children can’t get there themselves. They need to be carried, nurtured, brought to the Savior. (Read Deut. 6)

. . . or, how about just not bothering to have them at all, preventing them from coming into the world, altogether? It’s too hard on me, too expensive, disrupts my plans, the times are uncertain – all sound reasons from one perspective but, is this biblical reasoning, based on God’s heart for you? What does the Bible say about children, anyway? When should you have kids? How many should you have? Lisa and I share our journey on the new episode of Faithful Life podcast. It’s a big discussion about some big questions! We hope you join us!

Maybe the answer is to try harder . . . so, you try harder . . . make yourself more available, but nothing works. The problem remains, gets worse even, until you just give up, altogether.

Is this the life God calls the Christian man to? A life of singing worship songs on Sunday peppered by repeated sexual sin throughout the week?

And, isn’t it great when you can blame someone else for the sin you’ve been committing? Helps ease the conscience, doesn’t it? “Hey, my wife is a little cold. What am I supposed to do?” “She isn’t meeting my needs, so I had to do something.” Only one problem with that thinking: Another person is never responsible for the sin you choose to commit.

Regular sex, more sex, better sex, will never solve the “porn problem” the “lust problem” or the “wandering eyes” problem because, although sex is great, it’s not a cure for sin.

If you don’t know the truth, you can’t walk in it. That’s why I always say, “If you believe wrong, you’ll never live strong.” Most men believe they are destined to sin and will never triumph over sin in their own lives because it can’t be done.

If this is what you believe, then score one for the Enemy! This is a complete lie from the pit of hell, yet many Christian men believe it and many churches teach it. The truth is, there is real hope, real victory, real power and triumph to be won by knowing the Word and doing what it says!

This is why I’m teaching the FREEDOM course and invite you to join me! Are you tired of the constant cycle of confession, failure, confession, failure? Are you ready to do battle and have real, lasting victory in the area of sexual purity? A faithful husband, it’s every wife’s dream.

Get a notification when to enroll – You can live anywhere. I’m teaching live, in real time in a virtual classroom! – Go to faithfulman.com/freedom and sign up. Single or married men invited, 18 and up!

Sign up today . . . and share this opportunity with a friend, your accountability group, community group . . . share it with everyone you know!