Matthew The Astrologer

Conquer The Universe With Nora Jean Stone!

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Fri, 17 Feb 2012 02:55:00 +0000

Jon me and Nora Jean Stone from the San Francisco Astrological Society on tonight's "Conquer The Universe With Astrology." We'll be talking about Neptune and Chiron in Pisces, the current Venus-Pluto square that's making a few of you say "ouch," and why I figure Rob Hand owes me a favor.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN NOW!

If you're new to this blog, here's a sample of my previous shows and blog entries. Enjoy!

Neptune In Pisces, Marguerite Manning, And Maybe A Case Of Scotch

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 02:57:00 +0000

TONIGHT'S SHOW: No big deal... just a couple of astrologers sittin' around talking'.

Really. That's it. The whole show. Just that. Oh, right... and Neptune in Pisces. Forgive me. I've been drinking.

Hey wait... the two astrologers in question are Marguerite Manning and myself! Hoo hah! The bar is open!

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN!

If you're new to this blog, here's a sample of my previous shows and blog entries. Enjoy!

Venus in Pisces, Mars in Virgo: Pinky And The Brain Try Internet Dating

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 20:12:00 +0000

(Venus in Pisces is considered to be an "exalted" placement: full of open-hearted non-judgmental love and willingness to express it. Mars in Virgo is looking to win by analyzing the details. The two positions are opposite each other, and Venus opposition Mars is in full effect now.)

***

(SCENE: Late night at Acme Laboratories. In a darkened corner two laboratory mice in a cage are huddled over a tiny little computer, checking out a dating site.)

PINKY: Oy, what about this one, Brain? She seems really nice, and oh look... she likes long walks! That could come in handy. Narf!

BRAIN: Don't be ridiculous, Pinky. Pay attention to the rest of her ad. "Must be goal-oriented and self sufficient."

PINKY: Well, that's you, isn't it?

BRAIN: That's a code-phrase for "she's a gold-digger" Pinky. You know I can't touch my savings. I need it for a new Death Ray!

PINKY: Oh, okay. Hey, look at this ad! She says she's easygoing and appreciates being able to relax with a loved one over a glass of fine wine!

BRAIN: She has low standards and a drinking problem. Next!

PINKY: Well, SurferGirl67 likes classical music like you do...

BRAIN: I hate what she's done with her hair.

PINKY: This one has a fondness for animals...

BRAIN: I am an animal! She'd never be faithful!

PINKY: SunshineLover81 enjoys spending time on the beach and --

BRAIN: --and is an unmotivated skin-cancer candidate.

PINKY: AudreyJ has loved and lost but is ready to try again...

BRAIN: Too many issues with her ex.

PINKY: JJLaRue says she's wild, spontaneous, and affectionate...

BRAIN: Tramp.

PINKY: IowaHomegirl wants a committed relationship that lines up with her values...

BRAIN: Prude.

PINKY: Narf! You aren't making this easy, Brain! You're analyzing everything to death!

BRAIN: (Turns off computer and walks to the edge of the cage, stares off into the distance) Enough of this foolishness! You know what we're going to do tonight, Pinky?

PINKY: Go out and try to find someone in person, so we can see them for who they really are instead of dismissing them offhandedly based on a few lines of type and a couple of pictures?

BRAIN: No Pinky. We're going to try to take over the world with my army of remote controlled pigeons I've trained to poop on anyone whop dares challenge our dominance. It's a much more practical and achievable goal.

PINKY: (sighs) I'm lonely.

BRAIN: Shut up Pinky.

(This Thursday on "Conquer The Universe With Astrology": it's Astrology: The Pants-Optional Venus And Mars Show." Click HERE to set a reminder... and bring a date if you like.)

If you're new to this blog, here's a sample of my previous shows and blog entries. Enjoy!

What Can An Astrologer Do For You?

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 00:44:00 +0000

More people would take advantage of the services of a professional Astrologer if they knew what an astrologer can actually DO for them. Here's a brief introductory video... with lots and lots of scary warnings about side effects.

If you're new to this blog, here's a sample of my previous shows and blog entries. Enjoy!

Eight Minutes Of Venus In Pisces

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 20:15:00 +0000

Whenever Venus enters Pisces... the sign of it's "exaltation"... it's time for the astrology bloggers to bust out the synonyms for "depth" and "compassion" and "confusion" and...

Why not just watch an 8 minute video that says and shows everything you need to know about Venus in Pisces, without actually spelling it out... which is kinda Piscean, if you think about it...

"To what end be Death, if not for Love?" Wow, look at all the colors! Hey, why is everyone dancing? Why am I dancing? "And what be life, if not for Love?" Holy cow, you're beautiful! "Say a hundred things, should you wish, the meaning still remains the same." I think I'm in love with you. "Who has ever known what Love is, and yet EVERYONE knows what Love is." Hey... is that a Product Placement? I know I shouldn't, but I'm so thirsty and this is delicious! "A garden of roses, love; strewn with thorns too, is love." I think I'm in love with you too. Hey, where did you go...?

Just put the astrology texts down for eight minutes and watch this instead. It will tell you everything Venus in Pisces wants you to know, and in far better style than I could ever muster. Hope you don't mind subtitles.

If you're new to this blog, here's a sample of my previous shows and blog entries. Enjoy!

The Astrology Of 2012

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 13:30:00 +0000

It's the big scary year you were warned about... are you ready? Probably not. None of us ever really are. But here's what to expect from the next twelve months of your future!

"Conquer The Universe With Astrology" returns!

Tonight at 8:30 PM Eastern (5:30 Pacific)

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN OR SET A REMINDER!

...and hey, if you're listening live and have any questions, give me a call at (323) 443-7252!

...not yet... not yet... waaaaaaiiiit for it...

If you're new to this blog, here's a sample of my previous shows and blog entries. Enjoy!

Matthew The Astrologer on Creepy KOFY Movie Time

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 21:54:00 +0000

For those of you who missed it... like, just about everyone... here is my appearance on The Bay Area's own Creepy KOFY Movie Time. Two things that are important to notice:

1) Astrology gives you the ability to quickly "cut to the chase" with a thumbnail description of the personality.

2) They used that special camera on me that added ten pounds to my chin and neck, but not anyone else's. Now THAT'S "paranormal."

(Come back soon for a link to my 2012 Forecast Show!)

Astrology, Bad Transits, And Avoiding The One-Eyed Pomeranian Of Fate

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 23:11:00 +0000

Astrology works. Objectivity though? That's the hard part.

I don't look at my own personal transits every day. As a matter of fact, I do it about as often as I get around to shaving... which, being a self-employed work-at-home type with naturally slovenly tendencies, isn't as often as it should be. But it does happen, and when it does I freely admit to suffering the same flaw that any other astrologer will admit to (if they are human and honest about it): it's pretty damned hard to be objective about yourself.

Or, as I used to tell my students on the subject: "Even the world's best surgeon probably shouldn't try to take out his or her own appendix."

Nonetheless, this Christmas Eve I sat down to check out my own transits before commencing with my day. I admit I was troubled to see as many difficult aspects happening that day as I did.

My original plan had been to attend the Christmas Eve fund-raising event run by Muttville Senior Dog Rescue. They do good work, and besides... a $1.00 Senior Dog Kissing Booth? Holy cow, does it really ever get better than that?

A typical Muttvile Dog description: "Bumper is a 12 year old corgi mix, possibly with some Shepard or Jack Russell terrier. He was rescued from a high kill shelter by Muttville and has nothing but love for other dogs and people. Despite being completely blind and partially deaf, this little guy gets around very well."

C'mon. Seriously. If that doesn't have you ready to scream with some combination of small-child glee and full-to-bursting Buddha compassion, check yourself for a pulse.

So before heading out, I had a look at the astrology of the day. And my thought processes were a little like this:

"Hmmm. Uranus is square my Jupiter, but that's been going on for a long time, so let's not worry about that just this second. The North Node is conjunct my Sun, but... yeah, well, that has a whole bunch of karmic implications that are kind of hard to nail down practically. And this morning's New Moon was conjunct my Mercury-Venus midpoint, which is, umm... kinda karmic too, so God knows what that could mean. But: Transiting Mars is conjunct my natal Uranus-Pluto conjunction, and square my Sun, so.... hmmm... violently unexpected Ego upsets? A sense of either being denied my destiny, or finding it and getting screwed by it? Maybe."

Naturally, I put that together with my plans and figured that perhaps I'd go there, see a dog I wanted but could never keep in my place, and I'd be devastated. Or maybe I just wouldn't care but couldn't afford the fee, and I'd get caught smuggling some three-legged terrier out under my jacket, or something like that. So I decided to avoid the whole matter entirely, and I changed my plans and went and did something a lot more emotionally safe.

***

This is why at 1:28 PM on Christmas Eve, while I was walking to the grocery store, my right foot was run over as I crossed the street, breaking four metatarsal bones like they were kindling. And of course, in hindsight, that incident fit the astrological symbolism of the time far better than any imaginary screaming fit over a dog.

Astrology doesn't lie... but if we let our expectations do all the talking, we'll never accurately hear what Astrology is actually saying to us.

(And yes, for those of you still wondering, I'm alive enough that sometime in the next week "Conquer The Universe With Astrology" really WILL be back, starting with the 2012 Forecast Show. Here's an excitingly non-specific preview. Now hand me the Vicodin.)

Fun With Astrology: The Video Series

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 17:41:00 +0000

For the many of you who asked (and bless ye, by the way), "Conquer The Universe With Astrology" (and me, for that matter) will be back in a couple of weeks, with more and better guests, amusements, and astrology than ever.

In the meantime, it turns out many of you haven't been introduced to my video series. Here are the links... have a listen to your Sun Sign and be mildly offended... then listen to everyone else's and be amused and informed.

Fun With Aries

Fun With Taurus

Fun With Gemini

Fun With Cancer

Fun With Leo

Fun With Virgo

Fun With Libra

Fun With Scorpio

Fun With Sagittarius

Fun With Capricorn

Fun With Aquarius

Fun With Pisces

Conquer The Universe With Astrology: Romance, Seduction, And Aches And Pains

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 21:33:00 +0000

On the next "Conquer The Universe With Astrology," (Thursday at 10 PM Eastern, 7 PM Pacific) we'll be covering a lot of ground, and it's all worth the trip:

HOUR ONE: Listen to my interview with novelist Sara Humpries. The first volume of her "Amoveo" series, Unleashed, is about to hit the shelves, and is the first of a multi-part series. Does writing ability show in a birth chart? A tendency to write romantic fantasy novels? How about that childhood crush on Captain Kirk? And are bigger things coming in the next few months? Have a look at the chart below, listen to the interview, and play along!

THEN: Carrying on with the romance theme, I will be beginning a new twelve-part series...

LET'S ALL SEDUCE SOMEONE WITH ASTROLOGY!

This episode: How to seduce an Aries... man or woman... by Sun, Venus and Mars sign. Listen to this show (and the next eleven), and you'll be The Most Dangerous Dater on your block.

HOUR TWO: I interview medical astrologer Eileen Nauman about the role of Mercury in the birth chart as it relates specifically to your physical condition. It's informative, it's entertaining, and it's more proof that Astrology is probably even more awesome than you realized.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN OR SET A REMINDER!

Here's Sara's chart... click it, it gets bigger:

Conquer The Universe With Astrology: Three-Way Karmic Action!

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Thu, 22 Sep 2011 05:31:00 +0000

On the next "Conquer The Universe With Astrology":

FIRST: Karmic Astrologer Marguerite Manning joins me to discuss "FATHER HUNGER AND MOMMY DEAREST: ARE YOU INVOLVED IN AN UNCONSCIOUS 3-WAY?" (I swear she came up with that title). We'll be talking about all the unconscious ways your Venus and/or Saturn placement can really screw with your love life.

THEN: Canadian recording artist Veronica Start will join us for a very specific look at how that Uranus-Pluto square has panned out in her life so far.

AND IN BETWEEN: Your questions answered when you call in or join the Chat Room, what to expect from Mars in Leo, and the occasional sound effect.

Thursday at 10 PM Eastern, 7 PM Pacific

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN OR SET A REMINDER!

(And for those of you who like to play along at home, Here's Veronica's chart, with transiting planets on the outside):

Conquer The Universe With Astrology - Now With More Scarlett Johansson!

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 21:56:00 +0000

Tonight at 10 PM Eastern (7 PM Pacific): Two hours of non-stop astrological edjucatainment!

HOUR ONE: April Elliot Kent returns to discuss her new book, why Venus in Libra may not be as much fun as advertised, and the astrology behind those nude pictures of Scarlett Johansson that leaked out.

HOUR TWO: Your questions answered... call (323) 443-7252! PLUS: whatever else I can come up with.

Sure, there are other astrologically-based things you could do this evening... but they all suck waaaay more than tonight's show will. Guaranteed.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN OR SET A REMINDER!

If you're new to this blog, here's a sample of my previous shows and blog entries. Enjoy!

Fun With Sagittarius! (Another "Conquer The Universe With Astrology" Original Video)

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Tue, 13 Sep 2011 12:30:00 +0000

Oh, Sagittarius... bouncing through life so carefree and-- look out! Whew. Sometimes that easygoing carefree disregard you have for common sense can be a little... what? Ah, I see. You've already thought it out. Well, then, I'm sure that you can go on juggling chain saws indefinitely without harm

For the rest of you, here's Sagittarius...

"Conquer The Universe With Astrology" Returns Tonight!

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Thu, 08 Sep 2011 20:53:00 +0000

No more Mercury Retrograde, no more summer vacation, no more excuses... "Conquer The Universe With Astrology" is back tonight for a new season! (Are there Blogtalkradio seasons? Why not?). Tonight Nadiya Shah will be joining us to discuss her video projects, her upcoming appearance at SOTA to discuss Mars, and more!

PLUS: Debates, void of course Moons, job plans, and why I demand to see Rick Perry's long-form Birth Certificate.

Tonight at 10 PM Eastern, 7 PM Pacific

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN OR SET A REMINDER!

Check out my show! If you like what you hear... there's more to come in the future! Please feel free to drop by and visit my Donations Page. It's what keeps me going and, and you might just get a surprise...

...And for those of you who like to play along at home, here are the charts for the Obama Jobs speech, and the GOP debate at the Reagan Library. Click on 'em... they get bigger:

Fun With Scorpio! (Another "Conquer The Universe With Astrology" Original Video)

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Fri, 26 Aug 2011 23:06:00 +0000

Oh Scorpio... so fun loving, so understanding, so willing to not take yourself seriously... I'm sorry it took me so long to put this together for you, and I know how you love it when someone teases you and denies you and then... please Scorpio, please.. just put the knife down and watch, okay?

Conquer The Universe With Astrology: Medical Astrology With Eileen Nauman, And Awesomeness With Steven Forrest!

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Thu, 25 Aug 2011 19:36:00 +0000

The Universe shouldn't be something that "just happened to you." Conquer it with Astrology! Fun, advice, and an entire Universe in just one show!

HOUR ONE: Medical Astrologer Eileen Nauman discusses weight loss and health from the perspective of your birth chart!

HOUR TWO: Legendary author and astrologer Steven Forrest!

10 PM Atlantic, 7 PM Pacific

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN OR SET A REMINDER!

Astrology: Twelve Signs Of Love

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Thu, 18 Aug 2011 18:51:00 +0000

Tonight on a Mercury Retrograde encore edition of "Conquer The Universe With Astrology": stuff from last December you probably missed:

HOUR ONE: "Twelve Signs Of Love": true-life stories of love, hilarity, romance, tragedy, sex, friendship, and kitchen appliances based on my e-book, "Love Around The Zodiac."

HOUR TWO: Also from December... my interview with legendary astrologer Michael Lutin!

10 PM Eastern, 7 PM Pacific

CLICK HERE NOW TO LISTEN OR SET A REMINDER!

Conquer The Universe With Jeff Jawer And Bruce Scofield!

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Thu, 11 Aug 2011 12:30:00 +0000

HOUR ONE:

Q: What do "Your Astrology Guide 2011," "Your Personal Astrology Planner 2011," "Medical Astrology: Healing For The 21st Century," the regular forecast in "Mountain Astrologer" magazine, and Astro*Carto*Graphy all have in common?

A: Jeff Jawer. And he's going to be on my show tonight at 10 PM Eastern/7 PM Pacific!

Yeah, that's one heck of a resumé. Not only that though... he's also a great guy. We'll be taking an in-depth look at the year ahead and how it's going to affect you.

HOUR TWO:

I admit it: I know nothing about Mesoamerican Astrology. I've heard interesting things, certainly... but I freely confess my ignorance on the matter. So it's a good thing that my guest, astrologer and author Bruce Scofield is going to be on tonight's special Tuesday edition of the show.

Heck, long before I'd even heard of Mayan Astrology, Bruce Scofield was a master of Western Astrology. Now his practice includes both. And he's the author of fourteen books and runs One Reed Publications, so one way or another, I'm bound to learn something from tonight's show.

Maybe you will too... but of course, you'll have to listen to find out.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN OR SET A REMINDER!

Conquer The Universe With Sex, Drugs, and Rock And Roll (And Astrology)

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Thu, 28 Jul 2011 17:14:00 +0000

Tonight on "Conquer The Universe With Astrology" at 10 PM Eastern, 7 PM Pacific:

HOUR ONE: Artist, author, and rock and roll legend COMMANDER CODY will discuss his new book, smoking pot, the Saturn transit that set his car on fire and kicked off his career path, and... did I mention the whole smoking pot thing?

HOUR TWO: Astrologer Maria DeSimone will discuss teaching astrology, indicators of psychic ability in the birth chart, tortellini, Tauruses, and pole dancing... among other things.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN OR SET A REMINDER!

And in between: we'll discuss the upcoming Leo New Moon and how it will affect you, your questions will be answered... call (323) 443-7252)!

Conquer The Universe With Astrology: Welcome To My Mars Transit

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Thu, 21 Jul 2011 23:53:00 +0000

TONIGHT'S SHOW: the transits of the planet Mars, and how it affects your --

Oh screw it. I don't have the patience for this any more. Screw it

Shut UP you idiot! people are listening!

Ha! Like ANYONE "listens"...

-- moods and those of people around you. Call (323) 443-7252 if you have any questions.It should be interesting and informative fun for all!

"CONQUER THE UNIVERSE WITH ASTROLOGY"

10 PM EASTERN/7 PM PACIFIC

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN OR SET A REMINDER

And if you don't like that, do your own damned show. See how YOU like it.

Hope to see you all there! Love and Light!

Conquer The Universe With Astrology: Full Moon In Capricorn

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Thu, 14 Jul 2011 22:00:00 +0000

TONIGHT: moodiness, irritability, bloating... and a Full Moon In Capricorn!

I'll be answering your questions -- call me at at (323) 443-7252! -- and discussing my mood swings with astrology Amy Herring! Oh, that and her book... "The Astrology Of The Moon"! I'll also be addressing my Top Five List... the top five search terms that bring people to this blog!

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN OR SET A REMINDER!

And yes, I still send free stuff to everyone who writes me!
If you're new to this blog, here's a sample of my previous shows and blog entries. Enjoy!

Conquer The Universe With Astrology: The Eclipse Bunker!

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Fri, 01 Jul 2011 01:57:00 +0000

The Universe shouldn't be something that "just happened to you." Conquer it with Astrology! Fun, advice, and an entire Universe in just one show! THIS EPISODE: Can opener? Check. Shotgun? Check. Dehydrated food? Check. Okay, it's safe to look at this year's Big Eclipse... tomorrow... and see how it's going to affect you!

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN!

And yes, I still send free stuff to everyone who writes me!
If you're new to this blog, here's a sample of my previous shows and blog entries. Enjoy!

Conquer The Universe With Astrology TONIGHT!

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Thu, 23 Jun 2011 22:17:00 +0000

Tonight at 10 PM Eastern (7 PM Pacific): Two hours of non-stop astrological edjucatainment!

HOUR ONE: My guest will be BALROK from "Creepy KOFY Movie Time," the legend of San Francisco late-night television. I'll be discussing what it is in his chart that makes him the ideal man for his job, and I uncover a top-secret project from Balrok's near future!

HOUR TWO: April Elliot Kent returns to discuss her new book that will help you learn astrology from the ground up, help you impress your friends, and ... maybe... get a date!

PLUS: Drinking and Eclipsing with Amy Winehouse, another installment of "How's Matthew's Ass?", and our new feature... "Your Soul Mate Is Hiding In Our Chat Room." Of course, for that one... you should really join us live and be in the Chat Room.

Sure, there are other astrologically-based things you could do this evening... but they all suck waaaay more than tonight's show will. Guaranteed.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN OR SET A REMINDER!

And yes, I still send free stuff to everyone who writes me!
If you're new to this blog, here's a sample of my previous shows and blog entries. Enjoy!

Eclipse 1, Amy Winehouse 0

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Wed, 22 Jun 2011 22:29:00 +0000

TODAY: Many of you may not be aware of my blog at Astrolome.com (which, by the way, is a great astrology application for either iPhone or Facebook). So, here it is... today featuring what the June 15th eclipse did to Amy Winehouse, and why.

TOMORROW: The biggest and bestest "Conquer The Universe With Astrology" ever, featuring both BALROK from San Francisco's legendary "Creepy KOFY Movie Time"...

...and astrologer April Elliot Kent drops by to explain how her new book can change your life! (Well, I figure it could, anyway. She's a little more modest about it.)

PLUS: Your Soulmate Is Hiding In Our Chat Room, and another installment of "How's Matthew's Ass?"

Did I mention your soulmate is hiding in our Chat Room?

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN OR SET A REMINDER!

And yes, I still send free stuff to everyone who writes me!
If you're new to this blog, here's a sample of my previous shows and blog entries. Enjoy!

Conquer Your Week With Astrology - June 20-25, 2011

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 16:16:00 +0000

Give me five minutes, I'll give you the week ahead! This week: getting the most out of the Jupiter-Pluto trine.

Please excuse the heavy construction noises...

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN!

And yes, I still send free stuff to everyone who writes me!
If you're new to this blog, here's a sample of my previous shows and blog entries. Enjoy!