Comments for Matt Stooks.com

Comment on Microwave of the Future by DB

DB — Sun, 07 Apr 2013 22:33:14 +0000

If he is truly a “Man of the Future” his bowels will be immune to the effects of E. coli or salmonella. His bowels will be able to eat raw chicken cooked merely for 30 seconds or 20 hours in that damned deceptive microwave. In his case, “Food is Ready” will be equated by “The World is Ready…The World is Yours.” (eg, Scarface.) The food will be his. The world will be his. Thank you, Stooks, for your wisdom and prophecy in this matter.

Comment on Toilet Training by GPD

GPD — Wed, 21 Nov 2012 00:43:02 +0000

Remember that toilet at Kopek’s grandma’s house? That would obliterate anything…except one very difficult to handle feminine hygiene product….

Comment on Romney’s Got A Three-Punch Plan by Matt Stooks

Matt Stooks — Sun, 28 Oct 2012 14:28:19 +0000

Sounds savory to me.

Comment on Toilet Training by DB

DB — Sat, 27 Oct 2012 15:53:31 +0000

Plumbers just don’t understand the finesse required to safely and efficiently slide a deuce down a toilet bowl. They just think that power is better, but power ruins everything, as you so eloquently described.

Comment on Romney’s Got A Three-Punch Plan by DB

DB — Sat, 27 Oct 2012 15:50:45 +0000

I thought the “three-punch plan” was an unsavory sexual maneuver.

Comment on How to watch the Chiefs by DB

DB — Mon, 08 Oct 2012 17:31:01 +0000

Glad to hear you back on the air and on the blog! The stuff sounds awesome!

Comment on Bacon shortage business boom at Porky Expresso by Matt Stooks

Matt Stooks — Sat, 29 Sep 2012 13:04:09 +0000

Thanks.

I thought Phil Hendrie might have died at first glance of your comment.

I’m sure you can catch Phil online somewhere. I think he’s typically on from midnight to three.

Comment on Bacon shortage business boom at Porky Expresso by Matt

Matt — Thu, 27 Sep 2012 20:29:00 +0000

Ha ha. That was great. Well done!

That clip reminds me how much I miss Phil Hendrie. =(

Comment on The Centaur by JACK HARRY'S BALLSACK

JACK HARRY'S BALLSACK — Fri, 17 Aug 2012 05:00:25 +0000

I enjoy slapping against the ass of a horse at times.

Comment on A bear ass by DB

DB — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 04:01:47 +0000

Holy geez. Has this blog been stewing for nearly a year? Think of the television shows that you must be watching to see TP adds all the time. Matlock. Murder She Wrote. Was the TP ad after the AARP enrollment commercial and the stool softener ad? Is it a rule that once you turn 65 you only think about your bowel movements? Retirement looks great!

Comment on A bear ass by Heather

Heather — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 14:28:42 +0000

Interesting subject! Guessing too many tp commercials?

Comment on Scoop by Matt Stooks Sucks the Big One

Matt Stooks Sucks the Big One — Sun, 08 May 2011 18:16:47 +0000

Hi I’m Matt Stooks, and everybody sucks. Oh, and I suck the big one!

Seems Matt Stooks has so much anger in his life, he tells as many Lies as he can think of to feel just a wee, wee, bit better. Since he will never feel better he’s probably shot himself by now as I end this report.

R.I.P. Matt Stooks! We never cared for you kind anyway!

Comment on Results are in! by Stooks

Stooks — Thu, 10 Feb 2011 00:42:51 +0000

I’m tots jelly about your number 7.

Comment on Results are in! by chris

chris — Sat, 05 Feb 2011 07:50:17 +0000

#7 troubles me

Comment on Results are in! by Stooks

Stooks — Mon, 31 Jan 2011 16:05:02 +0000

I’m especially encouraged by the number of searches involving excrement.

Comment on Results are in! by Brian

Brian — Mon, 31 Jan 2011 15:36:40 +0000

That is a list to be proud of my friend.

Comment on Sasquatch 3 by DB

DB — Sun, 28 Nov 2010 03:25:02 +0000

Sasquatch Love Advice should be the name of a new band. Or at least a regular bit. That’s just Sasquatch!

Comment on Uglyface by Brian

Brian — Thu, 11 Nov 2010 04:01:20 +0000

I wish people with ugly personalities would stay at home.

Comment on Small water by Joshua

Joshua — Fri, 05 Nov 2010 08:58:14 +0000

I’ve always told myself I’d be willing to pay for water if it were treated with the same respect as the waste associated with it in the fountain.
It seriously pisses me off when the acne faced teen replies, “Just water?” before scurrying off to drink their own 88 ounce Mr. Pibb.
It’s not JUST water. It’s fucking water. I would like a full sized paper cup of the life blood of this planet.
Yes, I will reimburse you for the disposable product that will end up in the Pacific ring of trash. Floating on what? Water of course.

Comment on Small water by Garret

Garret — Fri, 05 Nov 2010 03:35:50 +0000

Wow. Was thinking this yesterday. Powerful stuff.

Comment on Barbara Billingsly by DB

DB — Sat, 30 Oct 2010 04:50:02 +0000

Wow. What a picture! Jerry Mathers looks like Howdy Doody’s creepy uncle. What’s with Tony Dow’s hair? Someone should tell him that the “jellyroll” hairdo he sported in Episode 2.34 looked better. Now it looks like he’s trying to date Anna Kournikova. (In the back left, is that the guy who played Lumpy, or the gay dude that married Liza Minelli?) Who would have thought that Eddie Haskell would turn out to be the normal one?

Comment on Failed stimulus by Matt Stooks

Matt Stooks — Thu, 28 Oct 2010 05:08:07 +0000

Oh, hemorrhoids…

Comment on Failed stimulus by Brian

Brian — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 15:46:07 +0000

A finger in the butt could cause the bubble to burst.

Comment on You are inbred by Brian

Brian — Mon, 25 Oct 2010 01:30:36 +0000

At least we have google voice.

Comment on You are inbred by Stooks

Stooks — Mon, 25 Oct 2010 01:06:46 +0000

Public stonings are cool now, too.

Comment on You are inbred by Brian

Brian — Fri, 22 Oct 2010 11:45:57 +0000

Gee, I guess incest isn’t so bad after all.

Comment on Scab picking by Margot

Margot — Mon, 18 Oct 2010 03:40:00 +0000

I ~~want~~ need more arms.

Comment on Bow to my musical genius by Geoff

Geoff — Thu, 09 Sep 2010 12:55:23 +0000

Gold record coming right up.

Comment on Bow to my musical genius by Brian

Brian — Tue, 07 Sep 2010 13:27:51 +0000

I feel different now… changed somehow.

Comment on Dog lovers by Geoff

Geoff — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 13:06:15 +0000

I think I might hit that website and submit some filthy answer like “She lets me fuck her in the butt”.