Maximum Awesome

Byzantine Empire in Europa Universalis, part 6

Several wars later, the Byzantine Empire (”New Rome” didn’t test well, according to our marketing department) secured the Balkans, wrapped around the Eastern Mediterranean coast, and stretched to Tunisia. I settled in to assimilating these new provinces and contentedly watching Europe devour its children. Spain thrashed Aragon and, unsurprisingly, Portugal. England tamed Scotland, Eire and [...]

Halloween IV

I know what you’re thinking. Ol’ Dave forgot about Halloween this year. Three years of bloody tradition scrapped! Not true. I remembered. After three years of razor blades, it’s time for a little change up. This one is actually going to benefit you. Instead of our traditional madness, please go out trick or treating now. Today. [...]

Detroit Lions campaign in Football Mogul, part 4

My fans (gauged by the game’s fan loyalty index) are happier with the team now that we’ve shown a propensity not to suck (frequent Stafford picks notwithstanding). We all know what that means. Higher ticket prices. Eat it, Detroit. Just because robots have replaced you on auto assembly lines and your robot supervisory roles were later [...]

Madden 2010 Campaign, Part 3

In a normal season, an undefeated start would be cause for celebration. However, a closer look at the Buffalo Bills defensive statistics reveals a troubling trend developing. The Bills, while 2-0, are currently ranked 31st in the NFL in passing yards allowed. Determined to fix something that isn’t currently broken, Dick Jauron sprung into action. “With [...]

Detroit Lions campaign in Football Mogul, part 3

Mike Stafford is not progressing as well as I’d hoped. He’s got two seasons under his belt, solid receivers, and a line that’s giving him a little time in the pocket. My scouts say his abilities have shown only marginal improvement. This is bad because I don’t have a high enough draft pick to shop [...]

Byzantine Empire in Europa Universalis, part 5

It’s difficult to explain to your 15th century kingdom what a crash to desktop error is. Needless to say, they learned a little French as we deja-vu-ed ourselves into Mamluk territory again. Things didn’t go quite as well this time. I pinned one Egyptian army against the coast and when they retreated they somehow retreated [...]

Detroit Lions campaign in Football Mogul, part 2

After the season, I scouted the free agent market. The Falcons let Matt Ryan go. Wow. All he did was throw for 3000+ and 20+ TDs. I can see why they didn’t renew his contract. How dare he not throw for 4000+ and 30+ TDs. In Baseball Mogul, there is a global modifier to set [...]

Byzantine Empire in Europa Universalis, part 4

I applied the same method of instigating internal revolt and waiting for the proper timing to my next war against the Mamluks. The proud history of the Mamluks is a long one–and proud, hence the adjective at the beginning of this sentence. They controlled Egypt and portions of the Middle East for almost three centuries. [...]

Detroit Lions campaign in Football Mogul, part 1

I’m taking control of a team that is arguably more pathetic than the New York Jets, who last won the Super Bowl in 1969 and have only 2 AFC title game losses since. Who could that be? The Cleveland Browns? No, there are teams with worse modern records than the Browns. The Arizona Cardinals? They [...]

Madden 2010 Campaign, Part 2

Degenerate gamblers, still smoldering from the week 1 dismantling of the heavily favored Patriots, conspire to make the Bills 8 point favorites against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Tampa is visiting Ralph Wilson stadium for the first time in history, and are coming into Buffalo having been taken to the woodshed by Tony Romo and the [...]