Maximumble

#654 – Gigantic (2 Comments)

Chris — Wed, 19 Jun 2013 05:00:26 +0000

We have some iced tea spoons in our silverware set. I started using them for eating and began to prefer them. This caused a strange sensation when I would eat at a restaurant. It felt like I was eating with a serving spoon instead a “normal” one. Also, FINAL WEEK! I’m having a moving sale! [...]

#653 – Lend (1 Comment)

Chris — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 05:00:16 +0000

Sure I’ll lend you some money but first I need you to sign this waiver showing my pre-approved list of items you can spend it on. Also, FINAL WEEK! I’m having a moving sale! Use the code MOVING at checkout to get 25% off your total order. Make my life easier by having less stuff [...]

#652 – Spew (1 Comment)

Chris — Mon, 17 Jun 2013 05:00:04 +0000

I’ve learned to recognize children and pets that are about to explode their lunch. Quickly! Aim them away from all fabric areas! Preferably some sort of containment unit! Also, FINAL WEEK! I’m having a moving sale! Use the code MOVING at checkout to get 25% off your total order. Make my life easier by having [...]

#651 – Conjure (2 Comments)

Chris — Fri, 14 Jun 2013 05:00:25 +0000

My dog is completely amazed at unexpected food. “Why wasn’t I invited? Is it my breath? gimme some of those minty bones!” Also, I’m having a moving sale! Use the code MOVING at checkout to get 25% off your total order. Make my life easier by having less stuff to haul away in a truck! [...]

#650 – Buffer (5 Comments)

Chris — Thu, 13 Jun 2013 05:00:01 +0000

Act now and each disc will come with extra features like deleted scenes and director’s commentary! Also, I’m having a moving sale! Use the code MOVING at checkout to get 25% off your total order. Make my life easier by having less stuff to haul away in a truck! Go to the store here!

#649 – Vacation (2 Comments)

Chris — Wed, 12 Jun 2013 06:41:25 +0000

Summer vacation was a magical part of my childhood. Video games, junk food and staying up as late as I wanted. As an adult parent I have to compress all of that into the time between when the kids go to sleep and when I fall asleep. Also, I’m having a moving sale! Use the [...]

#648 – Crumbs (4 Comments)

Chris — Tue, 11 Jun 2013 05:41:55 +0000

“I think I’ll have some of these chips!” *opens bag* “Oh, it’s just crumbs. *puts bag back into pantry* -One week later- “I think I’ll have some of these chips!” *opens bag* “Oh, it’s just crumbs. *puts bag back into pantry* Also, I’m having a moving sale! Use the code MOVING at checkout to get [...]

#647 – Whiff (3 Comments)

Chris — Mon, 10 Jun 2013 05:00:05 +0000

My wife used to get scented candles for our house. Then one year my body chemistry changed or the way they make those candles changed. It started to burn my eyes and swell up my throat. “This smells like I’m dying!” Also, I’m having a moving sale! Use the code MOVING at checkout to get [...]

#646 – Pop (6 Comments)

Chris — Fri, 07 Jun 2013 05:00:17 +0000

When we were kids me and my younger brother always put ice cubes in our soup to quickly bring the temperature down from boiling to tasty. Now I have the opposite reaction and I frequently have to reheat soup and other hot liquids halfway through enjoying them. Also, I’m having a moving sale! Use the [...]

#645 – Search (3 Comments)

Chris — Thu, 06 Jun 2013 14:57:31 +0000

Whenever someone leaves their phone sitting out I like to do a search in their web browser and then turn the phone back off. “What the heck? Who did a search for “donkey testicle weight” on my phone?!” Also, I’m having a moving sale! Use the code MOVING at checkout to get 25% off your [...]