mayaREguru's posterous

CBP at Blue Bell

Wed, 22 Sep 2010 07:52:36 -0700

REALTOR, When Experience Matters, Experience the Difference.

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The fabulous @jesskupferman at our pow-wow lunch!

Fri, 27 Aug 2010 09:37:58 -0700

REALTOR, When Experience Matters, Experience the Difference.

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More Compact

Tue, 17 Aug 2010 12:06:00 -0700

As I made my journey from my home, to and through the airport and then sat on my flight from Philadelphia to Salt Lake City today, enroute to San Jose, I encountered a number of situations which reminded me the importance of finding the fun and humor in every aspect of life, the simpler things.

People take their lives, and the demands of being an adult in 2010 far too seriously. We don't live anymore, we live to work! To provide for our families, to maintain the presumed status quo. Who sets the rules?

Far too many people lose sight of what we all wanted as kids - just to have fun. I recognize life isn't that simple, but I think it is high time to bring the simple back to life.

Take 30 minutes and do the following, more time if you need it. You must be brutally honest with yourself to suceed with this exercise. Use a pen and paper and write the answers down for future review.

1. When are you your happiest and most joyful in your life - the here and now?

2. What in your life is the least like you thought it would be? Does that disappoint you?

3. What do you most want to change in your life but feel unable to change? What prevents that change?

4. If you could have a clean slate right now and paint your ideal life for tomorrow what would that look like? (Include people, places, work, as if describe the life you desire to live).

5. Realistically - what one thing can you do right now to make your life simpler?

I know someone who did a similar exercise and admitted they didn't want to be a parent, and didn't want to have a spouse. They found a solution to make their life better, simpler - more joyous.

That kind of honesty is tough. Can you really dig that deep?

I did this myself a while ago, and keep revising my list. I think it is a lot like what I went through as I packed my bag last night - the bag got too heavy, and too much of a burden in size. I kept trying to make adjustments, but just felt it wasn't going to work with that bag (it also had a broken rail). I grabbed a smaller bag, removed the things that were "complicating" the process and moved everything else to the small, more compact bag.

Isn't it time to make your life smaller and more compact?

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People Say Too Much

Thu, 12 Aug 2010 19:58:10 -0700

Remember when people had filters?

When people kept their inconsiderate opinions to themselves? When people were asked what their thoughts on something were and THEN they would answer.

When people had manners?

Why do people feel the need to judge others choices, actions or thoughts? It is the anonymity that this virtual space provides people. The ability to say something to someone you would never say to their face. People are so quick to judge, criticize and selfishly act upon their own emotions.

When did we all stop thinking before we speak or write?

So often I see friends who are genuinely kind and caring people, who give freely to others, and selflessly in all acts - just get shit on by people who think they have established a rapport enough to do so. I am so tired of it.

It comes back to the friend thing again. The definition has been so mangled that the lines are blurred and people cross them too often. We all need to respect other people, and respect the boundaries that should exist.

So how do we fix this??

#rantoff

REALTOR, When Experience Matters, Experience the Difference.

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Katarina (9/06)

Mon, 09 Aug 2010 05:31:38 -0700

REALTOR, When Experience Matters, Experience the Difference.

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Wilmington, DE - Red Clay Schools - deceptively spacious 3 bed, 2.5 bath contemporary colonial. Finished basement, fenced yard, open soaring ceilings. $267,000

Sat, 31 Jul 2010 09:28:03 -0700

REALTOR, When Experience Matters, Experience the Difference.

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Just Listed! Blue Rock Manor Tudor, Brandywine Schools - 3 bed/2 bath, Finished basement with egress, new stamped patio, large rooms, new HVAC and more! $309,500.

Sat, 31 Jul 2010 08:11:06 -0700

REALTOR, When Experience Matters, Experience the Difference.

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Being Receptive to New Things

Fri, 16 Jul 2010 17:16:37 -0700

I am not a religious person, but I am spiritual, and open to a lot of beliefs, and many concepts. I respect others beliefs, and certainly have an odd set of beliefs myself. I rarely talk religion or spirituality - and I am not talking religion now. For the record - I am an Agnostic Jew.

Two weeks ago I logged into my Twitter account and just asked how everyone was doing. The reply that got my attention the most came from @SimonHayHealer. Simon is a Medium and Healer in Brisbane, Australia. Simon's reply made me smile, gave me an immediate sense of peace, and piqued my curiosity. He replied that he was sitting next to an angel. I was intrigued.

I proceeded to have a small exchange of tweets with Simon about his Angel, and how his Angel helped him heal. I have always been receptive to things like that. I am not arrogant enough to assume to know anything beyond my own world, or about any other aspect of the Universe. I respect others beliefs, and gladly listen to what they wish to share.

I tweeted back to Simon that I wish I had an Angel. The thought seemed pleasant and comforting to me. The response was almost immediate. "You have three". I was floored. Yet somehow I knew he was right.

I often have a sense that there is truly someone/thing that "has my back". Call it what you will, I trust my intuition, and let my own instincts guide me. That intuition and those instincts may well be something a great deal more. Maybe we use those words to describe things bigger than us, that we can not explain.

Who knows. But I am quite glad I met Simon Hay, and thrilled with the amazing information he then relayed to me about my three angels, and their stories and history with me. Just remarkable, and his reading on who I am was on target completely, he certainly has a gift, and it helped me.

You should introduce yourself to him - say hi to @SimonHayHealer, tell him I sent you. Maybe you will learn something new about you.

REALTOR, When Experience Matters, Experience the Difference.

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Serendipity Effect

Tue, 13 Jul 2010 22:12:43 -0700

I want to begin this with the proper dictionary definition of serendipity, but I am somewhere at 37,000 feet and don't have wi-fi, so I shall insert that later.

I think about connections, tracing back things that happen to the point of decision.
"If I had done A then C never would have happened, so good thing I did B."
I often take it a bit further.

My whole life I have been fascinated by the trace back of the connections, and I like to follow it back as far as I can. With all of these trace backs and connections, I have concluded one thing - serendipity is really the rule of life.

I call it The Serendipity Effect. I do believe life isn't something that you control, life is something amazing that happens to you. No matter what choices you make, everything has a purpose, perhaps there is a plan. Maybe we are just puppets. I don't know. I am not arrogant enough to pretend to know. So I observe.

I often feel a sense of serenity, even in the most stressful times. It is a fairly recent development, as I feel I have come to understand and accept my life for what it has been, is, and will become. Everything for a reason and in its season. As though something, or someone, is watching and guiding me.

I think the serendipity effect has a lot to do with this. Everything that happens to me, every connection I make, seems to lead to something remarkable, and wonderful, whether a direct path or circuitous route - I eventually get there. I feel charmed, grateful and lucky.

Friends, and strangers, will often tell me how powerful my "energy" is. That they are "drawn" to me. People talk to me, find me, some even seek me, it is all rather surreal at times. Some people don't notice it, but I still notice the effect. It isn't necessarily something I always enjoy, or even understand, but allows me many great new connections and opportunities.

I love what the connections I have made over the last two years have brought me. Remarkable friends, remarkable events, remarkable opportunities, and truly extraordinary sense of wonderment. Life is fantastic, I appreciate it so much more, and can't wait to see what tomorrow will bring.

This is all as a result of my experiences in Social Media. There are amazing people out there. I can't wait to find more. The Serendipity Effect brings it all together. It truly connects us all, and has allowed me to grow and evolve so much. Thanks to all my wonderful friends. I am proud of each of you.

So what do you think? Does life happen, or do you happen to life? Do you believe in Serendipity?

[Tomorrow night (July 14, 2010) I will speak about my experiences and thoughts on The Serendipity Effect at Ignite Dover, hope to meet you there!]
REALTOR, When Experience Matters, Experience the Difference.

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Delaware: Self Defense Course Friday 6/11 at 8:15

Thu, 10 Jun 2010 08:56:00 -0700

I just went to Tiger Kicks at 5329a Limestone Road, Shops of Limestone Hills, Wilmington, 19808, they have agreed to donate their space and talents to teach a Womens Self Defense course tomorrow night at 8:15. It is very short notice but with this serial rapist moving rapidly through New Castle County (report is yesterday there was an attack in Pike Creek by the Valero at Milltown Road), there is an urgency to be prepared to defend yourself.

This is very last minute but you should make every effort to attend this event. It is $5 contribution to the Breast Cancer Society (I might have the specific charity wrong), and is limited to 30 people.

Wear comfortable clothes, and be prepared to be barefoot. They also offer regular classes for all ages and genders.

Please call 302.235.8382 to register.

You can not be a victim if you do not allow yourself to be. Be prepared to fight for your life, and come learn how with me.

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Own or Rent Your Roof

Mon, 07 Jun 2010 18:48:00 -0700

On Sunday, June 6th, Chris Brogan, wrote an interesting blog post entitled “Rethink Every Assumption.” If you have not read it – and the comments that follow (including mine) – I encourage you to do so prior to continuing reading this post. Go ahead. I’ll wait…

Chris brought up some valid points in his thoughts. However, that’s all they were. He really didn’t state a strong case either for or against home ownership; it was as though he was “thinking out loud” more than anything else. And, as usual, I believe Chris employs this technique to get other people thinking. I must say, he does this very well, because he certainly got ME thinking. More accurately, he opened the door to one of my favorite subjects – Real Estate – a subject about which I am very passionate, as you should all know by now.

The Real Estate Professional Says…
As a Real Estate salesperson, and a REALTOR, I take home ownership very seriously. (I also do rental properties, so I can understand both sides of Chris’ musings). I take the time to talk to my clients, my first time buyers especially, to make sure they understand all of the nuances of the home purchase, and home ownership, experience.

So many people think that they should own a home. It is what many of us were brought up to believe is the American dream. However, in the fast paced society we live in, this might not be realistic or the right choice for many. Do you really have time to cut the lawn, which you so desperately wanted to own, or will you hire someone to do that while you work 80 hours a week? These type of things can quickly become a burden, and contentious within a family dynamic.

A Wax Ring? What? Where?
Owning a home is a commitment beyond the mortgage payments. It is arguably the greatest financial obligation of your life. Your home contains many major systems that require regular maintenance, upgrades, updates, remodeling, and replacement. Often, when I am with a client at a home inspection, I am amazed to see that people don’t even know how to keep their own homes in “working order.”

Did you know you should have your heating and cooling systems maintained annually by a qualified HVAC contractor? Do you know where your air filter is for your HVAC system? If you have an oil fired boiler, did you know that the system should be cleaned and the filter needs to be changed annually? Did you know that appliances die? Did you know that roofs leak? Did you know that toilets require wax ring changes occasionally? Did you know windows don’t last forever? The list goes on and on … and I could go on and on about it.

You would be surprised how many people aren’t prepared for the kind of repairs they may need to make to keep their home in running order. That is something that isn’t talked about when we talk about the “American Dream of Home Ownership”.

Education
I think one of the most important responsibilities a Real Estate Professional has is the education of the client concerning the realities of home ownership. Essentially, if you can’t keep a plant alive because you are too busy to remember to water it, maybe you need to reconsider a home purchase if you don’t accept the need to actively maintain it.

Home ownership is NOT for everyone. I own my home (or rather my mortgage company does), but there are days when I think, “Wouldn’t it be nice to have a landlord to call and say ‘the dishwasher died, I need a repair person’, then a repair person shows up and have the landlord pay for it?” When I paid $16,000 to put a new roof on my house in 2008, I nearly choked on that hefty bill. I didn’t have a choice, it had to be done. (It wasn’t leaking but it IS called “preventive maintenance,” people. Waiting for a problem often costs more money than taking preventive action.)
There are lots of websites, books, and other resources to help you figure out how to buy a home, but what most people need help with is to figure out why they want to own a home. That comes down to asking yourself a number of important questions, and separating your emotional needs from the rational needs. We all need a roof over our heads, but there are a lot of different ways to have one.

Viva La Equity!
Another point that Chris brought up was about the equity in a home and that you can’t use it until you sell. That is far from the truth. I spoke to Rob Hoban at Wilmington Trust today. They lend nationally (but they only do FHA in Delaware), and they have equity lines, bridge loans, and a rainbow of products available. I have worked with Rob on many occasions and have even referred him to people in other markets.

If you own your house outright, then that money is not working for you by earning interest. And if you lose value you lose money. (Real estate always gains in the long term. You simply can’t look at the short term; you need to be in your home at least five years.) A mortgage is a great solution because it is the lowest interest rate you can get in order to borrow what is ultimately your own money.

Credit is available but, unfortunately it is not as being as freely given. In 2003, I would tell a client “It is easier to buy a home than it is to qualify for a lease in many cases.” That is not the case these days. There was something completely wrong with the way loans were given out like candy at a child’s birthday party. I was amazed as clients with $70,000 annual incomes purchased $450,000 homes and had previously had a foreclosure. Then people took on 5/1 ARM products, or the negative amortization LIBOR loans, thinking “I only have to pay the interest, so for $1800 I can buy this amazing $500,000 house…” And what happens to your equity? I never understood these kinds of products and I am really glad they are gone.

Easy credit access is the downfall of many. Consider what the generations before us did; they put down 20% to buy a house. Yes, the cost of a home was far lower and it may have been easier to do, but at the same time, they didn’t have eight credit cards maxed out with no cash in the bank. The financial crisis we’re in is a credit crisis. Even though credit card companies can be quite predatory, America was permitted by the Federal Reserve and lax government regulatory agencies to find credit solutions that were too easy and many face the consequences for it today.

The Step, Before the First Step
Before you decide to buy or rent a house, weigh your options carefully. First take a realistic look at your own financial health. Then look at all of your choices. Seek the guidance of a Real Estate professional and a financial expert as well. The more you know the less likely you will end up in a position where you are unable to make your monthly payment.

My checklist for home ownership preparedness:
1. Have at least 6 months living expenses tucked away in the bank (Mortgage, utilities, insurance, car payments, credit card payments, and groceries).
2. Understand what is involved in home ownership – seek a local class that will review major systems, and what is involved in maintenance.
3. Talk to your friends who own homes already, and ask them about their experiences.
4. Seek the counsel of real estate and financial experts.
5. Take your time and don’t rush into anything. This is an investment, and although you will “feel” the right house, don’t let that guide you completely. Make an informed and rational choice when you do buy.

I will be writing more related posts in the near future. Love to hear any questions people have, or want answered.

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I Love Real Estate

Mon, 31 May 2010 04:33:00 -0700

(FYI - getting ready to make my wordpress primary home, and Posterous more Photo/Casual, find it at http://mayaREguru.wordpress.com - until I actually have the domain properly pointed, I am too lazy, then it will be http://www.mayaREguru.com)

I have gotten away from blogging about Real Estate, but after a rather passionate reaction to a friends real estate interest, I realized there was a lot I still wanted to share. I am quite passionate about real estate, maybe that makes me odd but, it is what I do and love. I live, breath, talk, sleep - real estate.

Most don't know my history with real estate, so here's a run down. When I was 10 and living in Palo Alto, I became obsessed with houses. My parents had long gone to open houses every Sunday around the town to get ideas for home remodeling, and I would sometimes tag along. It got to the point where my best friend Rima Kinsey and I would go on our own. "We are looking for our parents." We thought we were so smart with that line.

In 1983 my family relocated to what I call "Gatsbyland", the North Shore of Nassau County Long Island - a town called Old Westbury. Within a year my Mother went to work for Honey Karp Properties. Shortly there after Honey hired me to be the weekend receptionist and the "tech" trainer. My qualifications were the best at the time - I had been a computer user since 1980, and had attended Computer Tutor Camp at Stanford University, so I already knew not to spin a floppy disk around on a pencil (yes that was part of my early "Don't" list for the agents), and taught them all a little bit of BASIC. I worked for Honey Karp for a number of years. My Mother didn't last as long as I did. When I went to college I seriously considered getting my real estate license so I could sell while I went to Hofstra. I have always even made car buying decisions based on how easily I could get clients into my car.

Fast forward a few years, a few states I had lived in, and we land in Bellevue, Washington. I moved there blindly in 1995, I had one friend there, a love for technology, and the hope to get a job at Adobe, Microsoft or one of the biggies (I am a trained Graphic Designer/Editorial Designer), I only knew I always wanted to live in Seattle. I had no network, no connections, and a rather flimsy resume. The real estate became the key. I got a very entry level job at Windermere Real Estate, in their Bellevue East office. Great job, lots of fun, I was the DTP (Desktop publishing), I did the marketing flyers, brochures, and also listing management for the agents. I also observed some incredibly successful agents, and learned even more about the business. Knowing that someday I would sell myself, and emulate the successful ones.

I moved on from Windermere eventually to become the head of the Graphic Design/DTP/Art Director for the NorthWest Multiple Listing Service. I Art Directed the members news publication, and had a staff who was in charge of all the forms the MLS used, and modifying any changes to the contracts, and coordinating printing. My first management experience, and let me tell you - the 40+ year old German woman I managed didn't always like to be managed by the 26 year old.

On the side I was doing web design/development, I had taught myself HTML in 1994, and was selling real estate agents website solutions, still trying to find a way into Microsoft. By 1996 I was, as I say it "a dime a dozen" web developer/designer, but the difference - which so few recognized was that I was a DESIGNER who DEVELOPED. Back then, and even now, I said "just because you can doesn't mean you should" - some of the ugliest sites ever were designed by some of the best developers without any insight into design theory, concepts, psychology - this all pre-dated todays fancy terms like "Design Evangelist" or other such horse-excrement. I was still trying to find my way. And the opportunity was calling from Delaware.

The East Coast wasn't as advanced as the West Coast, so I took the opportunity and moved East, and started racking up the big resume companies: AIG, Zeneca/AstraZeneca, FirstUSA, WingspanBank.com, MBNA, teaching web development and design, and so on. In 1998 my team at AIG won a Smithsonian award for innovation, that was pretty cool. In 2001 I was dot-com-downsized. And I made my move. I was married, had established myself well enough and we had the financial resources to take the "hit" of the loss of income.

I interviewed with only one Broker, and I signed up with his company, and his office. I was the first new agent to be permitted to take the pre-licensing class at the same time as the new agent training, because it was apparent to all I was a Natural. In a market where the average sales price at the time was probably $225,000 - I did $3mil in sales my first year, not bad for a rookie. And it has only gone up every year since then, even in a down market.

So why do I love real estate? I am not completely certain, I think it is in my blood. I am obsessed with houses, I have always watched the real estate market no matter where I lived, and took the pulse - knew the areas to be, and the price points, driven back roads to get to know the areas well, and studied the real estate section religiously. It seems to be a natural talent perhaps, not my only one, and I am happy to have it.

There are two kinds of real estate agents - there are the people that love it and come to it as a second career, and then there are the naturals who have gills and already breath it - I consider myself one of those. My whole life has always been about getting to be a real estate agent. Now I have been doing it since 2001. I still love the technology side of the business, and also am a natural in many areas of technology as I am most definitely a "digital native".

Helping people find a home, or sell a house - is most of the most rewarding thing I can do. Guiding them through the biggest investment of their life, and helping people really break down their reasons for wanting to make a reason estate purchase. Guiding them in the right direction to make a purchase they will be happy about.

Sometimes my job is to help people realize they are not ready to buy or sell, and that is ok too. For me it isn't about the close, it is about the relationship and customer service. I truly get excited when given the opportunity to talk about real estate, especially when my friends don't know me for my work - but just know me. I enjoy sharing the knowledge, experience, and network I have build. I preach that passion is the key to success in life, and I am so lucky to be doing what I am passionate about. The other passion - "social media", but anyone reading this already knew that.

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One of My New Things...

Tue, 25 May 2010 18:52:00 -0700

For the last month or so I have been working on a new project, developing my social media strategy for real estate into an actual seminar. With great guidance from a few fabulous friends (Laurie Bick, Whitney Hoffman and Chris Brogan) - I finally put the Eventbrite page together today. There is a lot more good stuff coming, this is only the initial launch. Have I mentioned how lucky I am to have generous friends? Thanks for your input.

So, for your consideration.... the link to register (if you are near Philadelphia or Balitmore, you can get to Wilmington very easily!) is: http://mayapaveza.eventbrite.com and this is the Flyer Laurie put together for it:

Seminar_Flyer_June_14.pdf Download this file

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Connections Rule

Mon, 17 May 2010 16:15:00 -0700

I keep hearing social media is about “building relationships”. I even say it when I teach Social Media for Real Estate. “Build relationships, establish your community… “ I am not saying that is incorrect, but I think that perhaps the process may not be clearly explained, or defined. You don’t just dive into a relationship. There are founding measures that occur first, which allow for a relationship to develop and a community to build. The question then also becomes, are you really establishing a “relationship”, perhaps you are building affinity, fondness, or friendship? I think we may be putting the cart before the horse.

What is a Connection?
Merriam Webster defines connected as:
1 : joined or linked together
4 : having social, professional, or commercial relationships <a well-connected lawyer>
5 of a set : having the property that any two of its points can be joined by a line completely contained in the set; also : incapable of being separated into two or more closed disjoint subsets.

A connection is defined in this instance than as:
a person connected with another especially by common interest.

In social media we are all seeking to make a connection with people who have common interests, therefore I would surmise that social media is more about making connections, connecting people, and expanding those connections to grow larger networks, thereby permitting more connections to be made, and eventually relationships to grow and communities to be created. That is why I say – cart before the horse.

Connect Those People!
We are making connections. We are finding people who have similar desires, interests, ideas, lifestyles, and so on, and when we put them in our mental rolodex, then eventually meet the right “match” for them, we immediately flip to that individual and the little light switch goes off – CONNECT THESE PEOPLE! The connection is the power, therefore connection is king. From the initial connection is the opportunity for the spark of inspiration or the beginning of a “relationship” to grow.

Merriam Webster defines relationship, as it pertains to the of the world of social media as:
a state of affairs existing between those having relations or dealings

Merriam Webster defines relation as it pertains to social media (IMO) as:
the state of being mutually or reciprocally interested (as in social or commercial matters)

Building What?
So a relationship can be built, should be built. But truly is that the reason for social media? Or is it really more about the network, and the connections within. The circles of influence that expand outward from those individuals that overlap other circles of influence, allowing new and greater connections to be made? Social media is about connections, about making, finding, allowing, building, growing, cultivating, establishing, nurturing, fertilizing, and endorsing connections.
There is such a gigantic amount of nonsense being heaped on people in the slow and steady decline of the human “relationship” that I wonder whether we are really doing anything to better our society by abusing words such as friend, relationship, compassion, communication, and affinity.

LinkedIn
They GET it. Yes they do. Connect the people, find the points of possible connections, and suggest the connections. Hot damn! I had been discounting them for quite a few years, and after their redesign (the old GUI was so poorly done, it hurt to look at it - part of the reason I think they weren’t growing like they should have, there is psychology to visual design believe it or not). If someone said they could only pick one “social” site to be involved with, which should it be – Linked-In – with a flashing neon pointing sign – Linked-In! Get there, get on it, get connected, spend a few days building it up. That is THE place to be. This is not to say they always got it, or they do it right, but it is the one “must be” place in social media. C-O-N-N-E-C-T-I-O-N. Yes, a TwitterQueen did write that. I do find it amusing that LinkedIn uses the tag line is "Relationships Matter".

Social media is about connections, about finding the connecting points, about building the circles bigger, and those connections become joining points that allow for other connections. Maybe this is the way we will finally find world peace? Who knows? Before I went to the #140conference I didn’t know there was this awesome guy in Detroit who I needed to connect with a friend/VC guy in California for a concept that we had talked about some months back.

Serendipity and Destiny
I am not trying to devalue connections. I have had the wonderful opportunity in my life to have a few connections that sparked amazing relationships – I think beyond the definition and basics of what a connection is there is something deeper that we as human beings do bring to the table; some degree of it is magnetism and charisma. Like minds, chemical reactions, destiny exists, so does serendipity. The universe will steer us in a certain direction when necessary, and we are just along for the ride. We are but feathers floating on a breeze. Fate, why fight it?

Go find a new person to connect with, and then find someone to connect them with. Tell them how to do it. Spread the wealth, truly be nice to each other, and stop looking for relationships where there are only connections. Find the connections, and then build the relationships for the right reasons

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Facebook Friend Farce

Sat, 15 May 2010 20:36:00 -0700

The Facebook Friend thing really grates on my nerves. Zuckerberg is running around telling people what the value in a Friend is. Seriously dude? With your ridiculous number of years on this planet you are the "Friend" expert? Don't kid yourself kid. Do you even KNOW what a friend is? You are using the word "Friend" to describe the most casual of all acquainted relationships. These are NOT friends, these people are acquaintances - at best.

I do wonder when I get a “Friend Request” from someone who says “Hi, we follow each other on Twitter!” So? I follow Courtney Love for the amusement, doesn’t mean I want to go hang out with her right? Lindsay Lohan is another fun train wreck to follow – seriously? Hey Zuckerberg, could you make up your mind about WHAT Facebook is, because I am really tired of playing with privacy settings, and deciding whether I will delete my account because I don’t want to violate the royal “TOS” by posting a Posterous link to a listing photo. Oh and don’t poke me people, or throw sheep at me, or send me stuff for a farm, I don’t play your Facebook games. Color me a spoil sport, I did that back in 2006 and I got over it then.

When I think of a relationship, I think of someone who I might converse with regularly, or communicate with a regular basis in whatever fashion. Who might ask how I am, or care when something is going on. So when I hear about building “relationships” (that post is coming soon), I think of friends. So earlier tonight I tried to figure out who are my friends. Do you know what? I am so confused, I am not sure I know what a friend is anymore? So I am going grassroots, throw out the Merriam Webster definition and take it to what I think a friend is, and therefore someone I would have a relationship with:

1. A friend is always there, always quick to respond, to lift me up, to ask me to lift them up, to call out when they had a rough day, to be there when I had a rough day.

2. A friend is someone I can tell anything to, and they can handle it, welcome it, and cherish and value that I trust and respect them enough to share whatever the deepest emotions, scars, challenges or triumphs with.

3. A friend is someone who knows when to ask how you are, and not let it drop until you tell them. A friend KNOWS you well enough to know when something is wrong. They care about you.

4. A friend is the person who can read your mood, situation, circumstance by your facial expression, voice, or tone in an email.

5. A friend asks how you are and REALLY wants to know, isn’t just being polite and making conversation to avoid awkward silence (Alex, I will take Awkward Silence for $1,000 please anytime).

6. A friend is a legitimate part of your life – a friend cherishes and values you in return, and whether you talk daily, or once every few months, or years, you are always friends, always have a place in each others lives and hearts. Time and distance don't matter.

How many friends do you have? I think I have 2. I would like to have a lot more. How many people am I a friend of? Far more than that. It isn’t reciprocal, and I get that. Doesn't mean I am not disappointed at times, but better to know where you stand, then it doesn't matter how I stand. Some people I have called a friend, eventually show their true colors, and I recognize that, maybe they don’t know how to be a friend? It doesn’t change the fact that I still value them, and will be there if they need me. It does sadden me to think that perhaps they don’t really know what friendship is, or how to handle being a friend.

It is indeed a lonely - lonely world, for some people. Not me.

How many TRUE friends do you have?

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Patterns Exist Everywhere: Compassionate Communications and Relationship Building

Sat, 15 May 2010 07:41:00 -0700

Communications Patterns and Styles
One of my favorite things to do is, not necessarily intentionally but generally, is to observe how people communicate. Whether with me or with others, there are patterns that become apparent. Maybe I am the only one that notices them, but I doubt it.

Sometimes I feel like I am doing mathematical equations in my head as I look for the patterns, and the patterns provide a lot of insight. These are my observations, not scientific in any fashion.

Freshness
When people first become friends and begin communicating they need to have a very high frequency and over multiple channels (channels would be phone, text, IM, other messaging services). This is the time after two new friends just meet (establish a relationship) and they communicate ALL the time. This is when people learn about each other, so there is lots of interest, excitement, and enthusiasm.

Comfort
As people move past the “wow you’re interesting” stage of their relationship, they slip into the comfortable level of communication. The interesting part of this is when one person gets there before the other. There is the high probability of one person annoying the hell out of the other. This can rapidly breakdown in the relationship. The biggest problem at this point in the communication style is realizing you have chosen to be friends with this person for a reason, and may be time to have a conversation about the “communication incompatibility”. Misunderstanding can easily occur at this point if, ironically, communications aren’t clear. Avoidance of issues never works, confrontation doesn’t work, clear and straightforward is the key. Clearly stating your communication needs, or objectives is always smart.

When Bad Communication Happens
There are times in all our lives where we have chosen to deal with someone we prefer not to “deal” with by avoiding communications. In 1985, I set up an answering machine on my phone line specifically to record poignant and snarky out-going answering machine messages for my friends (and a boyfriend) at the time. My phone rang all day long as my friends shared the amusing messages with each other. The original intent of the machine was to break up with a boyfriend. I had already cut nearly all communication (we used online messages via a BBS to write to each other, and spoke often). So avoidance worked. What I never considered what that by avoiding the straightforward approach, and telling him that I was no longer interested and it was time to move on, that I probably didn’t give him, the relationship, or me the respect that any of us deserved. I never did that again, to anyone.

Intentional/Unintentional vs. Conscious/Subconscious
I have observed this behavior in people quite frequently recently. The method is different now. It is the avoidance of people’s communications, selective responses, and the “I am way too busy”. Sometimes this happens unintentionally – for instance, as I often tell my friends, keep poking at me if I don’t reply to something, it probably got buried in my in-box (with 1200+ unread messages it happens, and I relay on the Blackberry too much). Sometimes this happens subconsciously. The patterns are still evident, or obvious, if you choose to look.

Communication is about communicating, and more often than not in todays culture we don’t see that happening. I notice I communicate a lot on Twitter and Facebook, to the point where I sometimes think – “did I share that information with my husband yet? Did I tell him about this?” I am communicating with so many people in so many different ways about so many different things I start to forget what I told who.

Straight to the Point
I notice patterns, whether they are there intentionally or not. We all have the easy way out of some obligations by not returning communications, in business and in personal relationships. The problem is that sometimes that choice reflects on who we are. Am I proud of what I did in 1985? No. Did I ever do it again? No. I respect people too much, and that is probably part of the reason I am so straight-forward. Although some things should not be said via email or phone, so it is tougher when you have those messages to convey, this is probably where the avoidance comes in.

Straightforward works for me, most of the time, I just don’t want to be bothered with games and have so many other things to do. I have been working on bolstering my “strong chick” a bit lately, and in doing so have read a few interesting things that speak to why people would do this. I think it is a lack of compassion for others.

Be Compassionate
Compassion is listening, and caring, knowing your friends and reading what they need. Understanding what they are communicating and why. This is more often than not about reading between the lines. If they complain about general things, you may need to drill down to the root of what is bothering them. It is in asking the questions and showing the compassion that the relationship grows. If your friend tells you something has happened, or they are not feeling well, and you dismiss that – does that show compassion? No, that shows you don’t care, or are possibly too self-involved to notice. We all have those moments, but it is when the pattern of the behavior becomes apparent that it is more obviously to be read as “I don’t really care, or can’t be bothered”. Be compassionate in your communications. Just going through the motions and not meaning it – that is transparent to most people. Not showing they care enough to pick up on the subtle cues, when an event happens, an illness, and injury, that is when a true friend will say “How are you? Tell me more”. The most interesting is when you see this pattern in people who are communicators – hypocrisy perhaps or are they just not aware?

What is NOT Communicated
Sometimes it isn’t what is communicated; it is what is not communicated. If that isn’t the message you want to convey, you might want to take the time to express that to whomever you are communicating with. We are all busy, but relationships take effort – reaching out to say “Hey, still here, haven’t forgotten, catch up soon” is something we all can do. The follow-up is also key – when you say that, deliver, or you lose credibility, and that is ALL any of us has in life; your name; your reputation; and your credibility. Excuses can only be made so many times before they are dismissed and interpreted by the other party. It is after all about building relationships, right? True friends don’t care, but true friends also know that the compassion is in the relationship – these are your low-maintenance friends. The ones I prefer are low maintenance, which I usually am, except when I see a pattern. I can’t stop poking at patterns to test them. Yes, I am giving away state secrets now – but hey, transparency right? It is amazing how often I am hurt and disappointed in my “friends”. (High and Low Maintenance friends is a blog post to come I think)

I wonder how many people are guilty of the same sort of communication avoidance. A better question may be who is willing to admit that they have done any of the above things to their friends?

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Don't Leave Me Hanging on the Telephone (and a bashing of the DROID)

Thu, 29 Apr 2010 04:23:00 -0700

As Blondie sang it, so it goes. Well, not really but I certainly have a definite opinion on telephone communication. Since the first cell phone was introduced (and likely had its own vehicle to transport it), the evolution of the cell phone has been at nearly warp speed. With today's cute little PDA (not public displays of affections all you OK! magazine readers) and "Smart Phones" (mine isn't too smart, I more or less control it) something has been lost in this form of communication I feel.

Cell phones are inherently cold. The tone, the method, the style. There is nothing warm and comforting about them, or in my opinion - in any conversatsion had with one. Argue as you will, there are those in the school of "no landline, cell only", and thats great for them, but I will never be in that crowd.

I picked my phone for the quality of the calls, not the browser, not the neat apps, and not even its awesome ability to store data (I like my Blackberry Curve from Sprint). I like to have a clear conversation, and one thing I always analyze as I talk to people on a cell phone is the quality of the call. This has a very important impact on any call, especially personal phone calls.

I use my cell phone all day long, as a Real Estate agent (and social media "whatever" for real estate) - I am nearly always talking on the phone when I am not at an appointment, with a client, speaking or teaching. This is what I have discovered, and my "theory" of cell phonnes.

A cell phone is wonderful for straight forward cut-and-dry business, clearly conveying points, which are often short and succinct conversations. Perfect, ideal - my stamp of approval. And I also must add - Blackberry to Blackberry communication amongst the smart phones wins hands down for clarity (I have experience, but I don't have numbers, I can make them up if you want? 100% of my Blackberry to Blackberry calls sound better than 99% of my Blackberry to Android calls, and that IS about right).

Then there is a personal call. Not quite sure why, but it seems a majority of my friends seem to have Androids now (DROID, funniest notification EVER, I have been known to text people over and over just to hear that, it amuses me to no end). The problem here is when I talk to my friends, I REALLY like to hear them, and not have any of those awkward "What the hell did they say? I don't want to ask them to repeat themselves for the fifth time so I will just pretend I understood". I call that the "cut and run" conversation. I have far too many of those with my DROID owner friends.

Full disclosure to my DROID friends - your phones aren't clear, it sounds like we are talking to you underwater, it is really awkward, and not truly conducive to a good conversation or communication points. Intonation is lost, as are subtle nuances of a conversation. I think that is generally the case of cell phones, but the DROID seems to exemplify this - great browser you say, my laptop has a great browser, so does my iPod Touch, the Blackberry is adequate. I would much rather be clearly understood than wowed by a webpage in my car.

I prefer to have as many conversations as possible on a land line, especially with friends, when things are not so cut-and-dry, and you may discuss so many topics, emotional or otherwise, to be able to clearly understand someone is the most important thing to me. I will have a land line for as long as I am able, deferring to it for clarity in any conversation of great importance, or when I want to truly hear and understand what someone is saying.

So there you have it my friends, if you have spoken to me on a DROID and my response made not sense, or I sounded like a moron because I didn't understand your point - ummm, guess what... no one else can either and they are pretending. Now would you please go get a REAL phone so we can all talk to you again?

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140 Character Conference and Real Estate: Now onto Capitalism!

Tue, 27 Apr 2010 19:36:00 -0700

(As originally posted on RETechnology.com on April 27, 2010)

I just returned from the 140 Character Conference in New York City, it was held at the 92nd Street Y April 20-21, 2010. Jeff Pulver organizes these conferences, and peripheral meetups around the country. The Real Estate Panel was new this year, and our Moderator was Bob Watson, and my fellow panel members were Amanda Wernick and Eric Stegemann.

This event was looking at the "State of NOW", the effects of the "Real Time Web" on media, mainstream and otherwise, as well as a variety of industries, including Real Estate. The take-aways from this event were varied; the presenters were wonderful (see my list of my favorites with Twitter profile links at the end of this article).

The first day was more about the "media" and mainstream effects, the here and now as it were, the power of the immediacy of Twitter. The instant reporting, the instant responding, the sense of community that we have all built together to make this world just a little smaller and more familiar. The second day was a bit more esoteric, delving into some very deep subjects, and then smack in the middle of a few very emotional topics was the Real Estate panel. As Jeff Pulver introduced us, he said "... Now, on to capitalism". Isn't that what Real Estate is all about?

I sent Jeff an email and asked for his thoughts on the Real Time Web/NOW and Real Estate and the 140 Character Conference, here is what Jeff wrote back. I think it might be easier to share his reasons for including out industry in this event, and then to discuss it afterwards. These are some of his comments.

"I'd like to believe that #140conf helped put the spotlight on how some members of the real-estate industry are using the real-time internet to stay ahead of the curve.

On an industry level, for the first time in the modern era, real estate brokers have access to an open partyline where by simply listening, they can both discover clients looking to make a purchase a home as well as sell one. As time goes on more and more brokers will learn about how other brokers are leveraging twitter but at the moment this offers a strong competitive edge for early adopters. For some people this is just a reinforcement of the old adage - relationships, relationships, relationships.

One of the side effects of brokers leveraging twitter is that this will force the multiple listing services to evolve. I'm thinking that rather being just a static directory of listings there will be an opportunity to actively engage a community in ways never before envisioned.

And for the real estate industry luddites, just another platform and innovation they will continue to ignore."

Jeff has some wonderful points in what he wrote. He did help shine a spotlight on what some in our industry are doing, but to truly get in depth would require a multi-day Real Estate intensive conference. The industry is changing, and the use of Twitter as marketing and branding tool is very powerful. As our panel spoke, and answered some questions, it became clear that we did not all agree on what the "proper" implementation is. I don't know that there is a proper implementation but it is very clear that there is an improper implementation on which all of those active in Twitter will agree. You can not join the community, expect an ROR (Return on Relationship), much less an ROI if you are not willing to engage, interact, and learn the "rules" of the community. The push back is fierce, and strong, but I say if you don’t want to adopt the new “highest and best” practice, fine, more for those of us that do.

Real Estate Professionals (REP as I will refer to them in many of my posts) are salespeople, at their core, but also in those sales is the service aspect that we have. To serve our clients needs, as well as the needs of the consumer. Using Twitter strategically, and effectively, takes effort and understanding. Far too often REP are known for our reputation as "hard sellers", and that does not translate well into the community on Twitter.

A REP who joins Twitter, establishes a peripheral software service and begins spamming their listings, with no engagement or interaction, will quickly be filtered out, unfollowed, and potentially blocked. The key to Twitter is engagement and being part of the NOW. I teach this all the time when I am training, or speaking to REP groups.

This all appears very simple, and it all appears very user friendly, but the reality is that utilizing Twitter properly is really more of an art than a science. You do need to combine the two. I personally do not believe in sending my listings out on a regular basis. I have a personal strategy, or as I advise a Twitter Business Plan, with actual points of actions, rules, and a structure. I Tweet for business, and every interaction is part of building my community, my brand and my persona. Twitter is not for everyone I warn, and it should not be used alone, it is but one of the tools we have in our Social Media arsenal.

The consensus amongst the panel truly was that you can NOT just send listings, and provide information without giving back to the Community. The path from tweeting to becoming a clients "trusted advisor" is not a simple, clear, or short one. With the immediacy of the Real Time Web we need to be even more aware. How you choose to engage, and present information is the first impression that people will get from you.

For instance, when I do an open house, I will take a photo of the property and send it to Twitter stating I am at an open house, the times, the basic details, and price of the property. I do not reveal the location for safety purposes, and invite people to send me an at-reply (@) for more information. I know other REP who do broadcast their open houses in great detail, and invite the general public to attend. As I said - no rules, no set way to proceed.

My experience at the 140 Conference became more about what we can give to the community, and to others, rather than what we can take from it. By sharing our experiences, and our wealth of knowledge as REP - we can provide some insight to those that lack guidance. The sheer volume of people who approached me, as consumers, for more information on how to proceed in purchasing a home, how to find a REP on Twitter, etc. really amazed me. I was actually able to probably capture between 5-10 outbound referrals to my RE.net network (RE.net is what we informally call ourselves, the social media Real Estate community, all are welcome to join).

REP are very friendly people in general, and I find that we are often quick to embrace new faces/avatars. So I think the greatest take-away may be that those of us who have already successfully seen an ROR and ROI need to help guide others into the venue so they may also reap the rewards of the community. This serves two purposes.

As many of us strive to improve the public perception of what we do and who we are, we find that those who do not uphold the higher standards of the Code of Ethics (COE) are starting to filter into Twitter, and possibly draw us back down. The key is for everyone there already to hold the hand of someone new, to mentor and help them find their way through the social media puzzle. Their success is our success. Their reputation is our reputation. To give is to receive as is said.

The State of NOW for Real Estate is the ongoing effort to best determine how to use these new venues, and how to prospect the existing community, keep the standards strong and steadfast, and still be a human being. As this era of digital media evolves, the Real Estate industry will be right there as early adopters, some of us, and others with heels firmly dug into the sand, resisting the forward motion.

Get on board or get out of the way.

Some of my favorite “Characters” in the cast of the NYC 140 Character Conference to follow on Twitter:
Chris Lehmann
Donny Deutsch
Ivanka Trump
Steve Garfield
Ann Curry
Liz Strauss
Gary Vaynerchuk
Hank Wasiak
Jessica Gottlieb
C.C. Chapman
Dennis Crowley
Shane Lennon
Matt Pinfield
Joe Randazzo
AJ Leon
Melissa Leon
Stacey Monk
Jeff Jarvis
Scott Heiferman
Liz Strauss
Melinda Emerson
FakeJerry Paffendorf
Mo Krochmal
Flex Mathews
koshadillz
Oz Sultan
Chris Bartlett
Andy Dixon
Geo Geller
Marc Sirkin
Ray Chambers
Stefanie Michaels
Alice Wilder
Beth Blecherman
Maya Bisineer
Stephanie Aaronson

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Just Breathe

Sun, 25 Apr 2010 11:09:00 -0700

Once in a while you just need to stop and smell the roses. I find that I am certainly guilty of rarely doing this, except perhaps when forced to by other reasons (sick child, sick spouse, sense a pattern?). Even then I tend to always be "on" and going, or doing.

I have friends who do it even more than I do, but they are people who are in a position that they must, being pulled in 5,000,000 different directions. I can not, and care not, to imagine being in that position, but I do respect what those people must be going through. Even they need to breath once in a while, we all do.

By breathing I mean to slow down, take a step back and just relax. Disconnect from all electronic devices even if for only ten minutes, but just do it. No one has an excuse not to, and it needs to be done often. Nothing is so important (short of a true emergency, of the "life or death" variety) that it can no be put on hold for ten minutes. So here is what I propose.

Every 4-6 hours, designate 10 minutes just for you.
Change your environment. If you are working in your office, or home office, or hotel room, or anywhere - get up and move. Go outside, go to a common area, a garden, any place that takes you out of your work space/place/zone.
Make yourself comfortable, sit on the floor, a chair, lean against the wall, or take a walk.
Clear your mind and try to take in the environment around you.
Observe what is going on around you. Truly take it in.
Breathe. Deep cleansing breaths. Inhale and exhale intentionally, and pay attention to your own respiration.
No less than 10 minutes, but as much time as you can spare.

Was that so difficult? It doesn't take special equipment, it doesn't require any expenditures, and likely no task left alone for that 10 minutes will cause any damage.

I find when I do this, I have an easier time keeping on task, focusing on a project, and then in turn refocusing and getting a better quality result. We all deserve a break, some solitude and peace. Time to reflect, refocus and realign. Best of all - it is good for you, it helps reduce stress and relieve tension. We all have too much of that. No excuses, just breathe.

Good times to unplug and breathe:

Planes, trains and automobiles. Turn it all off and just relax, read a book (and I do mean fiction, you are looking for an escape here, not another self-help or business book).
Waiting - whether for an appointment, for the doctor/dentist or otherwise, you already lost that time, might as well redirect it to something else. I often do this when my clients are late to an appointment, sit in my car and just listen to music and stare off into space.
Before you get out of bed

So what are you waiting for? Take every opportunity you can to just breathe.

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A Day of Discovery: Going Deep

Sat, 24 Apr 2010 07:44:00 -0700

I think self-discovery is one of the most cathartic, and healthy things we can do. Constantly learning new things about ourselves keeps life interesting. Every day is an opportunity to evolve your existence to the next level.

The question is what is the next level for you? For each of us that answer will be different (so that was a “duh” moment, bear with – I am getting to the point), but how your mind works has a great bearing on that. Thursday I was faced with the question of what is a normal mindset, and what was a normal functioning level of awareness and focus.

This is where I might become a “Mommy Blogger” (props to @cecilyk), because here it goes… my seven year old was diagnosed with ADHD combined (which means she is hyperactive and has focal issues, the kid won the fucking challenged trifecta) when she was five. This was beyond difficult for me, as the daughter of a once prominent Psychiatrist, we are not “defective” people. There can be no mood issues, depression problems, or learning difficulties, we are of the “perfect people” (I might add perfectly fucked-up people).

When Katarina was three, as I stood in the Pediatricians office and she ran in circles I posed the question “Is this a normal energy level?”. It took a latte for me to keep up with the kid, the response “She’s three, it is normal”. Sigh.

When Kat was four, as I stood in the Pediatricians office and she ran in circles I posed the same question “Is this a normal energy level?”. It took a triple-latte for me to keep up with the kid, the response “She’s four”. Sigh.

Then Kat turned five, as I stood in the Pediatricians office and she ran in circles, occasionally spinning on the floor, I posed the question “Is this a normal energy level?”. It took a quad-latte for me to keep up with the kid, the response “She’s five”.

I fired the pediatrician, took her back to her original Doctor, my Family Practitioner and my champion of all things medical (I fired two doctors before I found him).

Kat became reacquainted with Dr. Eric, and within five minutes Dr. Eric turned to me and said “Have you ever considered she might be hyperactive?”. I think I might have cried, or perhaps collapsed on the floor in a heap from exhaustion. Or both? This was the miracle I think I had been looking for. The signs were there, to me, that my child could not maintain a normal focus, or sit still. I had asked her pre-school teacher, her pre-k teacher, and everyone said “No, Kat is so smart, and so kind, and so well behaved”. So therefore I was a nut job thinking my kid was not so well behaved.

After her formal diagnosis (at AI Du Pont Hospital - Nemours), I went back and asked those same teachers “Well I am not surprised”. What the fuck? They weren’t surprised yet told me they saw no problems?

Imagine trying to break this news to Psychiatrist Grandpa. The denial isn’t a River in Egypt people. Did I get a second opinion, did I take her to neurologist, it must be neurological because we are not defective people. I said I would, I just didn’t want to argue. A Mother KNOWS there is something different (I won’t say wrong, because there is nothing wrong with my brilliant, creative, beautiful daughter, other than her neurons may not fire correctly).

I can accept that, and I know that I fought the right battle for her, and even though so many were surprised at the “Young” diagnosis, I was paying attention to my child and knew instinctively something was amiss. I accept it, realize it is a medical problem and know there are other problems she may encounter related (social issues, etc.). Those may be tougher for me – the social butterfly in High School and College, but I am not one to judge and encourage my children to be confident. Raise your hand, shout out the wrong answer, any answer, just try - that is how you learn, and build self-confidence.

Katarina got her ADHD from somewhere. My Daddy the Psychiatrist would have known if I had a problem. He specialized in Children’s Psychiatry, so who is a greater expert. For over two years I have considered this. I have joke with my friends about Squirrels and “Shiny” objects on Twitter, and in real life. I say I do three things at one time, and I usually do, perhaps not all as well as I should do them. So I dug a little deeper back to High School, and College. I see the pattern, I recognize where it may have happened. The three-college transfers, the five major changes, the sixth iteration of my Professional life. I saw it. I can’t be “defective” I am a Psychiatrists daughter.

I was tired Thursday morning, had an important all afternoon meeting, and work to get done. I saw it on the window ledge above the sink – the old bottle of a prior dose of Katarina’s ADHD medication. I knew I shouldn’t try it, but I had been considering it all week. I opened the bottle and looked at the little capsule. Studied it’s shape, color, what it might contain. I was going to take it. This would either be a really wonderful idea, or a really awful idea.

The last few months my mind has been a bit "worse" than usual, I was always the "queen of the tangent". Scattered. Unfocused. Manic moments. My IQ is high, my capability is great, my performance is good, my success is beyond the norm, so mostly this was not evident to anyone who knew me superficially. Still successful and functional, but in my own keen self-awareness, and far too critical nature, I thought perhaps there was something going on. I do have a lot going on, different projects, businesses, trying to find a good “team” to work with on my Real Estate business, but my lack of focus and utter avoidance of some things was incredibly out of character for me. This isn’t a pity party, I got past that already, this is my story, as I deal with what I term “my inner conflict”.

Recently I had felt significantly more neurotic than my usual “Jewish neuroses”, a few friends have borne the brunt of this, but have not complained once, and adapted their expectations – hats off to you, you are true friends. Two weeks ago while in a planning meeting, my silent business partner asked me to write down the names of those in my “inner circle”. I had five names, of those he asked, who was my best friend. I realized I don’t really have one, no one true confidant and person I can divulge everything too (except Rima, but we don’t talk as often as we should). Why was the list so short? (That is a post of a different color).

So, if 1 + 1 = 2, and it was clearly a simple mathematical equation, why was I refusing to admit the truth in the statement. Again with the denial thing.

I would take the pill. At 9:15 Thursday morning I took the pill. I waited. About 20 minutes later this incredible sense of peace, calm, tranquility hit me. It was a good thing to take the pill. I felt as though a part of my brain was finally free – as though it had been imprisoned by the other side of my mind that was scattered and the land of the “tangent”. It was really a very surreal experience (I am a fan of Dali so I like surrealism). I was torn between elation and sadness. In reflecting on what might have been I was incredibly sad. Dare say depressed. I did not like that at all. I am a happy person, and like to be funny. Depression doesn't really jive well with that, in my opinion.

When I started college I was a pre-law major, I wanted to be a Lawyer, and I wanted to change the world, become a Politician with the right morals, I felt. I realized I would never be able to do all the research required. Then I moved on to Communications, then Fine Arts, and so on. I won’t go deep into my College experience in this post, but someday I will. I think a whole new blog might be evolving out of this.

I did do well, I am successful in everything I do, but what I realized last night, while discussing ADHD with a Twitter friend at the Delaware Happy Hour/Tweetup was this; there is this point I always reached in any process, in a task, in the activity where there was a gap – I visualize it this way... If a plan of action is linear, as I travelled the line and checked things off the list, I was getting to a point where the bridge fell out – a total and complete disconnect, and I couldn’t figure out how to bridge it. I could see the otherside, the solution, the answer, but the connections in my brain would not allow me to put the final piece in place to reach it. So just out of reach, beyond my grasp, was the next level – the next thing. Always.

Until Thursday morning. Suddenly – I knew I could do anything. ANYTHING. The connections all were completed, which is interesting as it is as though the neuroreceptors finally connecting were actually in some way always “visible” to me, or I was aware of them.

A lawyer friend called me, a Real Estate attorney I deal with often. Bad timing for him, but great for me. I confided in him, he was very positive and supportive, and as someone I do confide in, he knows about some of the things I am working on, and has always encouraged me. Then I called my husband, and told him. Then I called my Doctors office, this was interesting. The admin I usually ask for said “Hi Maya, I didn’t recognize your voice”. My affect was affected. I was very mellow and chilled. I told Emily my story and she felt the doctor would prescribe without seeing me.

My personality! What about that? I had a “40 mile therapy session” as I call it last Saturday on my way back from Dover with my friend Whitney Hoffman (aka @LDpodcast), as the conversation wrapped up I asked her a few questions about the effect of medications for ADHD on personality, that I was worried, if I was ADHD and took medication I didn’t want to lose what makes me ME. She explained, and I was comfortable. I knew I was going to take that pill. I just couldn’t do it until after the 140 Character Conference. Imagine if I had. No regrets.

I reached out to another friend, one of the “inner circle” I had listed, and told them, wanted their opinion and feedback. They are wise, had some good thoughts for me, and ideas. They tried the typical friend thing, making a few excuses about my Father and childhood, I appreciated that, and knew it was not really an excuse, but as I gave them more information their response was modified, and very helpful. Nice to see your super-human friends are also human. It is very good to have understanding friends who also uber smart, and experienced

That helped me calm down as I drove to my business lunch, timing was perfect as I was lunching with Whitney and my silent business partner. Since the biz partner was 1.5 hours late, that left a lot of time for me to pick Whitney’s brilliant brain about Learning Disabilities, and ADHD/ADD (call it what you will), she made me feel sane, safe, normal and much more at ease. Have I told you guys how fucking awesome Whitney is? Very likely one of the greatest human beings ever. Have I mentioned how interesting I find life, the connections, the path we all travel, serendipity? Amazing to me.

I know I can’t take extended release medicines, I have an extremely fast digestive system, and they overdose me and wear off quickly. I only realized that after the fact. The dose I got Thursday was not truly the 5 mg dose, it may have been more. Friday was better. I got a lot done, things came together, as my body got used to the new medicine my personality and outlook improved greatly.

Last night I went to the happy hour, I had fun, then I went out with some friends – Derrick, Terry and their friend Bob, we had such a blast, I was elated, I felt normal. And my personality was intact, and functioning fine. In fact I think I might have been funnier than usual. I like to be funny.

Today I feel good, I feel normal, I feel hopeful, I feel happy, I feel as though any chains that held me are gone now. Remarkable feeling.

But where does this leave me? And the stuff I went through Thursday/Friday, that is major self discovery, but still in the process. That’s is the unwritten part, still evolving. Finding my way now, but very happy to do so.

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