mBytes of Life

Top 20 songs that help me beat the blues

2012-02-19T16:45:00.004+02:00

Hit my blues mode. Here is the compilation of top 20 that help me cope. Some are sad, some are passionate, some are inspirational.

1. Nickelback - Never Gonna Be Alone

2. Ane Brun - Worship (feat. Jose Gonzalez)

3. Lamb (Lou Rhodes) - Till the Clouds Clear

4. Gomez - All too much

5. Oceanlab (Above & Beyond) - Ashes

6. Geater Davis - A Sad Shade of Blue

7. Duran Duran - What Happens Tomorrow

8. Harel Skaat - Shine on Me (Od Yair Alai)

9. Aloe Blacc - Momma Hold my Hand

(couldn't find the album version, but this is equally amazing)

10. Rob Thomas - Little Wonders

11. Ray La Montagne - Let it Be Me

12. James Blunt - No Bravery

13. The Cranberries - When You Are Gone

14. Imogen Heap - Hallelujah

15. Zero 7 - The Fine Social Scene

16. The Postal Service - Against All Odds

17. Sidsel Endresen & Bugge Wesseltoft - Chain of Fools

18. Bettye Lavette - Jealousy

19. Joan as a Police Woman - Chemmie

20. Feist - Comfort Me

Reunion and Reminiscence

2010-10-30T14:23:00.005+02:00

I was digging through my old emails, when I ran into an article I wrote for Bradley Herald a few years back. Awh, those memories.

Reunion and reminiscence

I often refer to the Future Leaders Exchange Program as the most rewarding experience of mylife. It is hard to imagine what I would be doing now, had not there been one-year in-depthexposure to an American culture. This exchange program truly “made” my life and determined the person I was to become.

Such a positive experience would never be possible without a loving host family. I will never forget the warm welcome I was given by the Wall family in the first weeks of my exchange program, and all the support they have shown to a confused 16-year
old student trying to adjust to a new culture.

Today, four and a half years later, after having visited many other countries, I am blessed with an opportunity to revisit the town of Quitman in the south of Georgia, and reunite with my host family for Thanksgiving holidays. The dream that I nurtured for years has come true, and I am revisiting my past with a feeling of excitement and joy.

My trip was preceded with months of anticipation. I have recollected many of my American memories to see how those US experiences affected my vision of life, my values and my goals. I have realized that this exchange program has benchmarked my future experiences. And visiting my host family today I have a unique opportunity to compare what I have seen years ago to what I see today.

I made quite a few interesting observations. I have realized that being an exchange student you spend months trying to adjust to the new culture, and by the time you are part of this culture you fail to appreciate the differences as the connection with the home culture starts fading. The experiences I am having today are very different and my current position allows for a better understanding of both cultures.

First of all, I was accepted as an adult and things that I said mattered. I had numerous conversations with members of my host family on various serious issues that would not be possible 4 years ago. We have discussed complex political, economic and social questions that emphasized the vast distinctions that exist between our countries.

One of the biggest changes I have observed in the American people is a growing interest in how the rest of the world perceives the United States and its foreign policies. Once indifferent Americans, have become politically aware and concerned with the role the US plays in the world, the dangers posed in front of the American economy locally and globally, the possible effects of some tendencies that exist in the US etc. I have also observed a vast concern with the changes that take place in the US, especially those pertaining to such controversial policies as Homeland Security and No Child Left Behind.

It was interesting to know that the Ukraine’s Orange Revolution received a comprehensive coverage in the American media. Yet the current political situation in Ukraine seems to be of no interest for the American public, and is no how reflected in the national newscasts.

This was a short but a remarkable experience that helped me reassess my knowledge of the American culture and gain a deeper understanding of myself. I think revisiting your host community is one of those “must to” things in every alumnus’ life.

Ismayil Khayredinov (FLEX ’02, Simferopol, Ukraine, Quitman, GA)
Nov 27, 2006

PS This trip has become possible due to my involvement in IREX administered Ukraine Media Partnership Program where I serve as a freelance interpreter for two groups of Ukrainian journalists visiting their US counterparts.

Flood Relief in Pakistan

2010-08-25T13:15:00.001+02:00

Below is an email from a friend in Pakistan:

Dear Friends,

I am Mohammad Usman, a IYLC 2007 Alumni. And I would like 5 to 10 minutes of your time, please?

I am sending some information your way to tell you the sheer scale and amount of disaster happening in Pakistan with the recent floods.

“The sheer scale of the disaster almost defies comprehension. Around the country, an estimated 15 to 20 million people have been affected. That’s more than the entire population hit by the Indian Ocean tsunami and Kashmir earthquake in 2005, the 2007 Cyclone Nargis and this year’s earthquake in Haiti — combined. An area as big as Italy and larger than more than half the countries in the world — some 160,000 square kilometers, or 62,000 square miles — is under water.” Ban Ki-Moon UN SG. Click here for complete article.

Those of you who are interested in ideas that you can help, contribute etc are most welcome to contact me. Please see below for ideas through which you can contribute in relieving a bit of the misery facing the people of Pakistan.

ARTICLES:

A Lifetime, Washed Away:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/19/opinion/19mueenuddin.html?ref=pakistan

A river that’s become a sea:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-south-asia-11056510

Pakitan’s situation criticial:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-south-asia-11060119

Just one of the incidents that happened today- At least 20 people killed in bus accident

http://www.dawn.com/wps/wcm/connect/dawn-content-library/dawn/news/pakistan/03-at-least-20-killed-in-bus-accident-ss-02

The Soul of the Land of Pure

http://english.aljazeera.net/focus/floodofmisery/2010/08/201081163736786937.html

Pakistan Monsoon Flood of the century: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-south-asia-10847173

The Guardian : http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/pakistan

PICTURES:

Boston Big Picture: http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2010/08/severe_flooding_in_pakistan.html

http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2010/08/continuing_pakistani_floods.html

FLOOD MAPS: Pakistan Flood Maps: Providing Mapping of 9000+ Villages in Flood Affected Areas

http://floodmaps.lums.edu.pk/index.php

How can you help?

1) Pakistan International Airlines Relief: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hCNomdB6V0U (in case you want to know if PIA flies to your country contact me)

2) Contribute online (various international organizations that you can contact are listed below)- Please chose the organization wisely

3) My contact details : Send in your contributions to me. I along with some of my friends are collecting donations to buy relief goods such as water, dates, rice etc. and sending it through Army or delivering personally to accessible areas. If you need details I can direct you further. I am available on +92-300-9135798 or usmanm.86@gmail.com or on Facebook here. I assure you that not even the most minute of fund won’t be misused.

4) For those who want to take an additional step: PLEASE organization fundraisers in your universities/colleges work places. OR please create awareness of this disaster in your respectives places through sharing this email. You can also share my email address with people who want to know more.

ORGANIZATIONS WORKING IN PAKISTAN

Edhi Foundation: Contact Edhi Foundation
Pakistan Tahreek e Insaf: Flood Relief Fund - Donate via Bank/Credit Card or Paypal
Pakistan Flood Victims
Al-Khidmat Foundation: ::Al-Khidmat Foundation Pakistan
RONAQ-E-QAINAAT
Young doctors are in the process of arranging a series of free medical camps in the flood affected areas. First Camp is at Nowshera.
Please Contact Ms. Alina Akhyar at alinaakhyar@yahoo.com, who will email you the Trust’s past activities, bank account details and other queries. They have already done some pretty impressive work.
Account number: 00400101065364 account title: Khadija Nadeem, Askari Bank Chaklala Scheme 3 branch Rawalpindi,
UM Healthcare Trust: UM Healthcare Trust
https://spreadsheets.google.com/ccc?...dQ&hl=en#gid=2
Sarhard Rural Support Programme (SRSP): Aid for the Flood Victims
http://www.rspn.org/news/Flood_appeal.html, http://srsp.org.pk/zeenix/17-H,
Gulberg II Lahore Pakistan Postal code: 54660
CONTACT: Umar Agha 0321 842-2425, email: ua2121@columbia.edu
Pakistan Red Crescent Society: Pakistan Red Crescent Society
Khubaib Foundation: call for Donations for Pakistan - Khubaib Foundation : Serving Humanity in Need
They also went to Ghaza (with freedom Flotilla) for relief work from pakistan
Mission Rescue Pakistan: Mission: Rescue Pakistan - Be National, Act National
(Aamer Abdullah) Allied Bank limited, university town branch, Peshawar
The following are account details.
Account number: 1353-8, Account title: Akhuwat e Sarhad
Bank: Allied Bank limited, university town branch, Peshawar, Branch code: 0321.
The above details are for those inside Pakistan. For those donating from outside, we advise to pool the donations with one single person and then transfer in bulk. This will reduce transfer charges.
International

Islamic Relief - Islamic Relief Home
Islamic Relief Worldwide: Islamic Relief launches £2 million appeal for Pakistan floods
Islamic Relief Worldwide: Donations
UNICEF: UNICEF's Pakistan Flood Children's Appeal: UNICEF - UNICEF Home
UNICEF - Pakistan - UNICEF responds as floods affect over 3 million in north-western Pakistan
Donate Now: Support UNICEF - Donate Online - Pakistan Floods Appeal
UNHCR: UNHCR Emergency
UNHCR - Flooding victims displaced for second time
UN World Food Program: Appeal For Pakistan Flood Relief - WFP | United Nations World Food Programme - Fighting Hunger Worldwide
Donate here: https://www.wfp.org/donate/emergencies
CARE: Respond to Flood in Pakistan - CARE :: Defending Dignity, Fighting Poverty
Donations: https://my.care.org/site/Donation2?d...donation=form1
Helping Hands - Helping Hand -- for Relief and Development
https://www.helpinghandonline.org/donate.aspx?proid=75
Concern Worlswide: Emergency Appeal for Pakistan - Concern Worldwide : dedicated to reducing suffering and eliminating extreme poverty : Concern, Concern Worldwide, Concern Ireland, Donate to Charity, Concern.net
Updates: Pakistan floods coverage : Blogs : Concern Worldwide
Donate here: https://www.concern.net/civicrm/cont...?reset=1&id=54
Muslim Hands: Muslim Hands - United for the Needy
Muslim Hands - Appeals � Pakistan Flood Crisis
Muslime Aid: Pakistan Floods Emergency : Muslim Aid 25 years of serving humanity
Muslim Aid Emergency Appeal for Pakistan Floods : Muslim Aid 25 years of serving humanity
Action Aid: Appeal for Pakistan Flood Victims - ActionAid International
Pakistan appeal
Relief International: Pakistan Flood Emergency Response - Welcome to Relief International
Donate now: https://ri.org/donation.php?id=182
World Vision International: World Vision International - Home
Call for Donations for Pakistan Flood Victims - Details
Save The Children: Response to Pakistan Flood Disaster - Save the Children Official Site: Creating Lasting Change for Children in Need
Pakistan Flood Emergency Landing Page
Donate here: https://secure.savethechildren.org/0...istan_flood_10
International Rescue Committee: responde to Pakistan Flood - International Rescue Committee | The International Rescue Committee goes to crisis zones to rescue and rebuild. We lead refugees from harm to home.
Read More and Donate
Christian Aid: Call for Donations for Pakistan Flood - Christian Aid - fighting for a world free of poverty and injustice
Pakistan floods appeal - Christian Aid
Global Giving: Pakistan Flood Disaster Relief: GlobalGiving: donate to grassroots projects; education, health, microfinance
Donate here: Pakistan Flood Disaster Relief - GlobalGiving
Doctor Without Borders: Doctors Without Borders | MSF USA
Read More
Australia

UNICEF: UNICEF's Pakistan Flood Children's Appeal: UNICEF Australia - Home
Read More
Donate here
Action aid Australia: call for Donation for Pakistan Flood - ActionAid: End poverty. Together.
Canada

Islamic Relief Canada - Islamic Relief Canada > Home
https://www.islamicreliefcanada.org/...1/default.aspx
UNICEF: UNICEF's Pakistan Flood Appeal: UNICEF Canada | The Leading Charitable Organization for Children
Donate now: https://secure.unicef.ca/portal/Smar...t.aspx?at=1380
France

APPEC - Association of Pakistanis for Promotion of Education & Cooperation
APPEC
Email: treasurers.appec@gmail.com
Fund raising call - Click here
Donate here: Donations | APPEC
Germany

Red Cross Germany - Pakistan Flood Emergency - Click here
https://www.drk.de/spenden/online-spenden.html
Aktion Deutschland Hilft - [SMS/Call] Option as well
Flut & Überschwemmung in Pakistan Jetzt spenden:
Aktion Deutschland Hilft Spendenkonto: 10 20 30 BLZ 370 205 00, Sozialbank Köln Stichwort:
Flut Pakistan Mit einer SMS helfen:Stichwort Pakistan an die 8 11 90 senden (5 € zzgl. üblicher SMS-Gebühr, 4,83 € gehen direkt an Aktion Deutschland Hilft)
Islamic Relief Germany- Islamic Relief�|��Home
There is no official call yet but we will update once it is there.
The Netherlands

Red Cross Holland- Het Nederlandse Rode Kruis - Home
For Further detials - Click here
For donations - Click here
Islamic Relief NL- Islamic Relief Nederland
There is no official call yet but we will update once it is there.

Switzerland

Islamic Relief Switzerland- :: Islamic Relief Suisse ::
There is no official call yet but we will update once it is there.
United Arab Emirites (UAE)

"Pakistan Association Dubai" - Contact on following local telephone numbers:
Anas: 04-3373632, 3377678; Inayat Rahman: 050-6317131; Ayub Afridi: 050-4545106; Khayal Zaman Aurakzai: 050-6287655; Ghazi Marjan Aurakzai: 050-6469910; Asam-u-Din Aurakzai: 050-7144992.
Untitled Document
UK

UNICEF: UNICEF's Pakistan Flood Children's Appeal:Donate, take action to help UNICEF UK put it right for children
Donate here: Donate online to UNICEF's Pakistan Children's Flood Appeal
Disaster Emergency Committee: Pakistan Floods Appeal - DEC
Donate here: https://www.donate.bt.com/dec_form_pfa.html
The DEC's automated donation line is 0370 60 60 900
British Red Cross: Appeal for Pakistan - British Red Cross - Home Page | British Red Cross
News | British Red Cross
Muslim Hands: Muslim Hands - United for the Needy
Muslim Hands - Appeals � Pakistan Flood Crisis
Islamic Relief UK- Pakistan Flood Emergency: Islamic Relief UK : Ready to answer the call
Islamic Relief UK : Please Donate Generously
Action Aid UK: Appeal for Pakistan - ActionAid UK: End poverty. Together.
Save Lives and Donate here
Muslime Aid: Pakistan Floods Emergency : Muslim Aid 25 years of serving humanity
Muslim Aid Emergency Appeal for Pakistan Floods : Muslim Aid 25 years of serving humanity
Christian Aid UK: Call for Donations for Pakistan Flood - Christian Aid - fighting for a world free of poverty and injustice
Pakistan floods appeal - Christian Aid
USA

Islamic Relief USA - Islamic Relief USA - Home
Islamic Relief USA - Pakistan Flood Emergency
https://www.islamicreliefusa.org/SSLPage.aspx?pid=203
UNICEF: UNICEF's Pakistan Flood Children's Appeal: Help Children - UNICEF USA :: U.S. Fund for UNICEF :: U.S. Fund for UNICEF - UNICEF USA
Donate here
UM Healthcare Trust: UM Healthcare Trust
https://spreadsheets.google.com/ccc?...dQ&hl=en#gid=2
SA Relief: Flood Relief Campaign for Southern Pakistan - Coordinating Disaster Relief for South Asia�|�SA Relief
Action Aid USA: ActionAid
ActionAid: ActionAid appeals for support as floods ravage Pakistan
OXFAM America: Working together to end poverty and injustice — Oxfam America
2010 Pakistan flood — Oxfam America
What Oxfam is doing — Oxfam America
Shelter Box USA: ShelterBox USA: - Home

Powerful Words

2010-08-09T15:55:00.002+03:00

I have been following a discussion on the TED LinkedIn group titled "What is the single most powerful positive word in English?" The answers were quite fascinating. I've put together a visual to illustrate those answers.

"Wannabe entrepreneur"

2010-08-07T20:47:00.003+03:00

I came across an interesting blog post by Gabriel Weinberg on symptoms and cures for wannabe entrepreneurs. It would probably be even fair to say that it was an eye-opener. The inconvenient truth is that I have been procrastinating for too long - I really need to stop using lack of time as an excuse for not acting upon my ideas. In the light of the upcoming changes in life it might be a very good idea to sit down and actually do something about this.

Symptom: a year has gone by and you have nothing to show for it.

Cure: get stuff done. That's what real startup founders do. Customers don't care about excuses.

Symptom: you haven't really talked to any real customers/users.

Cure: read Steve Blank's book. Get out of the building. "No plan survives first contact with customers." A related (non-wannabe but first-timer problem) is confusing the user with the customer. I did this on my first startup, and it was one of my primary problems.

Symptom: you're going around calling yourself a CEO.

Cure: you're a founder. You're not powerful. No one cares about what you're doing...yet.

Symptom: you aren't knowledgeable about startups, especially your own space.

Cure: read stuff & regularly talk with the smartest startup people you know. At the very least, you should know the whole history of your space--failures, acquisitions, IPOs, reasons for such, etc.

Symptom: you just need 10-25K in investment.

Cure: get your own 10-25K. Do consulting. Maybe convince friends and family. If you can't raise that much from yourself and your existing circle, you aren't going to be able to raise more from strangers. I did consulting for a few years, max 4hr a day, so I could focus the rest of time on my startups.

Symptom: you have spent months researching the right architecture to build your site.

Cure: build it already. You seem like someone more interested in technology than startups.

Symptom: you don't understand your startup's assumptions.

Cure: make a spreadsheet and try to predict the key metrics of your business. Yes, the financial projections that come out of the spreadsheet are probably worthless (or grossly inaccurate), but not their underlying assumptions. Those are the things you need to prove and the first step is knowing what they are. As a side note, this exercise will help you understand how much money you need to raise, if any.

Symptom: you've written more than a 5pg business plan (intended for others).

Cure: spend that time talking to real customers or building your product. If you think it will help you understand your business, build a spreadsheet with assumptions instead. If you think investors will read it, know that they won't. Note: I have no problem with people analyzing their businesses internally through brief writing; I do that too.

Symptom: you now just need a programmer to code up your site.

Cure: either convince a real tech co-founder to join you, or learn how to code yourself. It's not that hard, and if you think of startups as a career, it's a great skill to have even if you just manage tech people. You don't have to major in CS in college to be a programmer, e.g. I was a Physics major.

25

2010-08-05T18:40:00.004+03:00

I been having a meaningful me-talk over a beer with a friend last night, when I was struck by the reality of his remark as to 25 being a turning point in life, where you need to start making sure you head the right direction, as to ensure blissful adulthood. All things considered, this has reaffirmed my inner concerns of how fast the last few years have passed, and how little I have managed to do, and that 25 actually feels different than 23 or 24. I guess this partially motivates me to start a journey in pursuit of something different, refreshing and awakening, but the question is do I need a purpose before I start this adventure or will I find it as I untangle the mysteries of the world? It would be wonderful if the intersections of life had street pointers... but for as long as the decision is all yours it's hard to envision what sort of opportunities are hidden behind the various blocks of circumstances.

"Where do you want to be in 5 years?", you ask me. Well, I do not have an answer. Is it a good thing or a bad thing? Every little event has a potential of changing our lives and sticking to a career plan with every step thought through might not be the most flexible approach. On the other hand, I have been open to opportunities in the past couple of years, but they haven't come knocking on my door... perhaps, I should have had a little more determination in going out and tracking the bastards downs!

The resolutions of the day:

- Perhaps, the answer is to picture the "worst" case scenario, so to speak a minimum achievements plan, for where you want to be in 5 years, and then work towards exceeding that, being prepared for a change whenever the lightning of opportunity strikes.

- Stop using the words "perhaps" and "maybe"

- Enough of blaming the circumstances, or lack thereof. It's like a game of chess - overall, the number of moves are finite, but at every turn the options are vast - use your brain to find the one to bring you closer to the victory. And for as long as there is no check-mate, don't give up.

Are there positive effects of negative thinking?

2010-08-04T18:40:00.004+03:00

I am often accused of being "negative". In recent days, less and less people seem to tolerate my so-called "negativism" confronting it with "negative" remarks... ironically. As a rule, my "negativism" is a reflection on things that surround me - that is, I speak up my mind, giving, in my opinion, a sober assessment of irregularities that many seem to ignore. Irregularities for me are opportunities for change, either through their direct diversion (targeted action) or indirect moderation of circumstances in which they occur. This makes me think that "positive thinking" is a form of denial, some passive way of living your life, with no desire for change.

I don't see anything wrong with a desire to surround yourself with everything positive, but the positive does not exist without the negative (philosophically speaking, there is no way of knowing positive without an empirical relation to negative). Recognizing and acknowledging the negative for me is as important as trying to find the "silver lining". In parallel with physics, "negative" people are like electrons in constant motion (when such is triggered and desired), whereas "positive" people like protons are stable. While this is just a generalizations, it seems true to me that negative catalyzes dynamic lifestyle and change, where as positive is stabilizing and grounding. Excess of either, due to intrinsic or extrinsic factors, is potentially dangerous, therefore timely recognition of disbalance is important. More positive in life should of course be sought, but not artificially/cognitively created, and of course not an expense of denying the negative.

Another important factor that should not be disregarded is language. In my case, the manifestation of negative is not complaining, rather a somewhat sarcastic expression of the fact that the negative has been noted and will be acted upon. Some may argue that I am "bitching" (whatever their definition of that may be), which may stand true in certain contexts, where I implicate disapproval through a humorous remark, which I believe will find public approval, yet is completely unfair otherwise. I am neither bitching nor complaining about my life or its separate episodes, I am proactively pointing out all-things-negative, which other people should also, perhaps, open their eyes to.

In conclusion, it is important to me that I am accepted "as is", and those who need to remind me about my "negativism" should instead show some empathy and try have a conversation with me on the subject of "why" rather than bluntly labeling me the "biggest bitch" or the "most negative person" they know. F***, ya'll! And you know what, if you disagree that my "negativism" has a -harmless vibe (that oftentimes seems to be ruining the orgasm of positiveness in your cognitively constructed virtual world), try proving me wrong.

Dreaming Eden

2007-03-15T11:59:00.000+02:00

I limit my interest in science fiction to the classics of the genre. I am strongly convinced that anything outside of the classic sense is a dump of mind-boggling ideas which account for fictional, but do little with science. Most of the authors fail to find the balance between comprehensive and comprehendible, turning their imaginative worlds into something hard to imagine.

Harry Harrison made a great contribution to the intellectual science fiction. His books are paradigms of how to balance imagination with realism. His captivating Eden series is a product of profound research and incredible creativity.

His Eden series deserve special attention as they extend our limited outlook. In our ignorance, we are quick to limit the extents of possible to what is natural for us. Whereas Harrison provides an alternative vision of the world; it helps to reassess human role on the planet. Unlike other sloppy sci-fi books, Eden carries wisdom.

Pretension to freedom

2007-03-10T23:08:00.000+02:00

No matter where we go, the epitomes of hypocrisy seem to be surrounding us nonetheless. This afternoon I witnessed an occurrence that entrenched my belief that freedom is a matter of double standards, especially in a country like Ukraine.

I was approaching the central square, when my attention was caught by a squad of some 100 young people “besieging” the statue of Lenin. You do not often get to see that many youngsters dressed “casual underground” chilling next to the headman of the world proletariat. Despite my disregard of people with no priorities in life, I had nothing against these people enjoying themselves on this warm spring day in the downtown area. There were no signs of public disorder, unless causing curiosity is a public offense.

I was astonished when police approached the group instructing them to leave. I would take it easy were I in Belarus, where a gathering of over two people is a political rally. It certainly was not one (these people did not seem to be expressing or at least having some political stands). I wouldn’t even treat it as an unsanctioned demonstration – it looked flash mob more than anything else. Youngsters left, picking up all their trash, and looked really disappointed.

My question is whether these people would be granted more rights were they dressed differently? And why do stereotypes broaden or curtail the extents of freedoms? And can we build a sustainable democracy while applying heuristics to our routine decisions?

Chaos revisited

2007-03-07T18:09:00.000+02:00

It’s been a while since the last update. Life has changed drastically. It demonstrated its profound unpredictability and fouled me once again. All the plans and prospects were ruined in a second, leaving me with little determination.

Yet another instance has proved that planning is a way of labeling things as “not ever to be implemented”. Making a plan is like putting up a huge sign saying “Do not bother!”

Planned things seem to be more chaotic than any chaos can get. Every time you try to bring things to some order, they fall apart and follow their natural instincts - order is just not a place where things in life belong. A plan is a form of curse – by making one you urge a failure. Every plan turns out to be a reverse version of a favorable scenario.

I did not like my job, and nothing kept me there. But once I quit, I have realized that life was planned at least half a year ahead. So now, I am working on creating a new plan (what an idiot!).

F23

2007-02-25T22:56:00.000+02:00

Yesterday, the whole country felt nostalgic as the people celebrated the (Day of the) Defenders of the Fatherland. February 23 is the Soviet legacy designed to recognize all those who “defended” the country by serving in the army. It was planned as a military propaganda, but turned into an ‘International Men’s Day’. Naturally there had to be a counter-balance to the International Women’s Day (March 8), because men needed justification of the presents they were giving to women. So, as men usually do, they turned Feb 23 into a blackmailing tool, so that women were the first to give presents if they wanted anything in return on Mar 8.

This whole thing is really funny, especially in the context of Ukrainian realities. Not that many people are patriotic enough to die for the country, and so many young men (including me) try to avoid the draft, yet all the men become the Defenders of this country when it comes to Feb 23.

Post-depression

2007-02-23T23:50:00.000+02:00

The best thing about having depressions is their resolutions, when life is illuminated with some positive episodes. Constant upbeat reduces the excitement of achievements in life, but post-depression experiences are exaggerated to an extent of unmanageable joy. The reminiscence of the misery amplifies the delight of the new heartening outbreaks.

Emotional breakdowns tend to slow the motion of life and things that would normally be ignored tend to receive much more attention than they deserve. Little nuances of life grow into major factors of disappointment, thus causing the will power to disappear. Then you just have to wait for something very positive to happen to empower you for cardinal action. Life smacks you, but instead of letting it smack you again, you beat the sh** out of that b****!

Unbearable lightness of … future

2007-02-20T19:35:00.000+02:00

The whole media coverage of the global warming and its consequences is leading us some place wrong. Every time I hear an apocalypse scenario, I ask myself whether or not I should go and commit a suicide immediately, or wait for a few more years before my life is taken by a natural disaster? No arguments needed - the question is pathetic (though I make it sound sarcastic). On the other hand, the cynicism of the media does not urge me to go and take action. Every new story just reinforces the feeling of hopelessness and discourages any attempt to contribute towards the change.

Surely, we should hear and know about the anthropogenic damage to the planet. Yet we should be left with a feeling of guiltiness, not hopelessness. With every new report we should be sacrificing the habits that kill the planet. Every other story should force us to give up our luxuries. Yet we nod in unison, as to acknowledge the dusk of the civilization, and keep working on making this world an unlivable place for our grandchildren.

In my globalistics classes, I challenge my professor with my deep skepticism. The ideas of globalistics seem very subjective and lack justifications. Yet, one thing I came to realize while writing this is that globalistics believes in some resolution of the current critical state. There no answer to what the resolution should be, but at least dieing with hope is better than dieing despair.

I heart peace

2007-02-17T17:28:00.000+02:00

You never expect it, yet it comes and intimidates you either you want it or not. It has a tendency of bugging you at the most inconvenient time. It falls under a category of “unwanted surprises”. It doesn’t care where you are and what you do; it simply waits till you encounter it. It forces you to do things against your will.

It was there in my mailbox waiting to ruin my day. Had I known what it was, I would throw it away, and claim that it did never reach me. Once the envelope was unsealed, I was summoned to appear at the military enlistment office on a given day at a given time.

One disadvantage of living in a pseudo-democratic country is the military draft. Though the parliament has passed a law designed to reform the army system, it still doesn’t apply to people of my age. It will only come into its full effect in 2010, when the army will transform into a contract-based service. Until then, I somehow have to escape the luck of wasting one year of my life “serving” the values I do not share.

Two major arguments against my going to the army are: 1. I do not believe in orders, and do not respect people who follow them blindly; 2. I am against any form of violence, or any action that implies violence. I do not think I want to enjoy the punishments for being able to analyze the level of stupidity of a given order. Not mentioning the dreadful conditions that soldiers live in.

Woe from wit

2007-02-17T16:56:00.000+02:00

This one ingenious quote is often sufficient to provide a comprehensive analysis of certain political phenomena. It belongs to Griboyedov, renowned Russian classic with a fine sense of humor, who ridiculed officials of his era profoundly.

I subconsciously refer to this quote once a week, when I receive my news magazine and get a grasp of what claptrap our politicians were up to. This week was no exception; in fact, it was a major exception, as national interests and state property suffered no substantial damage. The government was too busy trying to persuade the people that utilizing Ukrainian pipeline system jointly with Russia will do much more good, whereas the opposition was blocking the parliament trying to prevent a strategic mistake – Gazprom should have no more control than it already has.

One of the columnists made a wonderful parallel with physics, and wrote that “the people are busy evaluating the performance coefficient of their votes”. I have no idea how efficient my vote was, but I am sure its performance coefficient is rather low :(

Merits of education

2007-02-14T20:17:00.000+02:00

If anyone ever tells you that Economical Cybernetics is a fun degree to have, spit in that person's face (please!)

Just for the heck of it, I looked through all the courses I had to take to get my bachelor's degree. Well, I ended up with a list of 66 classes in a 4 year period. Fun, eh?

Here is that list:

Accounting
Audit
Basics of ecology
Business in computer networks
Business Ukrainian
Civil defense
Commercial law
Comparative religions
Cultural studies
Decision support systems
Discrete analysis
Distribution of production capacities and regional economy
Ecological law
Econometrics
Economic analysis
Economic history
Economical cybernetics
Economics of enterprise
Economics of labour
Economics of tourism
Environmental economics
European economy
Finances
Finances of enterprise
Forecasting of socio-economic processes
French
Globalistics
Higher mathematics
History of economic teachings
History of Ukraine
Imitational modeling
Informatics and IT
Information systems and technologies in economics
Insurance
Intellectual data analysis
International economy
Introduction to specialty
Investment
Logic
Macroeconomics
Management
Marketing
Mathematical programming
Methodology of scientific research
Microeconomics
Modeling of economy
Modeling of economy
Money and credit
Philosophy
Physical education
Political economy
Politology
Probability theory
Program shells and packages
Psychology and pedagogics
Research of operations
Safety of labor
Safety of vital activity
Science of law
Sociology
State regulation of economy
Statistics
Systems of economic information processing
Theory of economic risks
Theory of random processes
Urban economics

Cyberwhat?

2007-02-13T20:50:00.000+02:00

It is a miracle! I have started attending my classes. And the worst about it is that I am actually enjoying going to school diligently, and working on my assignments (despite the fact that I feel stupid).

Many of my friends wondered what Economical Cybernetics is all about. Well, here is a list of classes I have to take this semester:
Decision support systems
Intellectual data analysis
Business in computer networks
Forecasting of socio-economic processes
Environmental economics
Discrete analysis
Modeling of economy
Auditing
Globalistics

Unfortunately, our education system is not as flexible as in many other countries. All the courses are mandatory, and this semester the ministry is being pretty easy on us. Usually there are over 10 courses per semester, so this is like heaven for us.

Literary thirst

2007-02-12T22:47:00.000+02:00

It is too unfortunate that I do not own a copy of the Running with Scissors by Augusten Burroughs, otherwise it would have found its honorary place in my personal library. This book would certainly deserve to be referred to as funny if it were not for its gruesomeness. Burroughs did certainly master the art of coping with the memory of his own pathetic childhood by means of sarcasm. He should certainly be credited for his courage of exposing his deprived childhood of an abused kid in such a humorous manner. The moral is that the book is great, but I would not want to have lived Burroughs’ life at any given episode.

As I have finished reading it, I have realized that I ran out of books, so I had to choose something to reread. Out of all the books, I picked Crime and Punishment by Dostoyevskyy. After reading a few chapters, it no longer seems as a right choice – too heavy of a reading for a person working on his school papers. Classic’s archaic language is certainly not something I want to deal with after a few hours of in-depth systems analysis or Pareto decision making criteria.

My heart will go on

2007-02-12T22:43:00.000+02:00

Life is not as bitchy as it pretends to be! I am just giving it more credit than it actually deserves… If you know how to read in between the lines, you should have read – MY DEPRESSION IS OVER.

The natural order of things has a strange aspiration for chaos. It always tends to yield to sporadic manifestations of mayhem. Patience is what it takes to put things back into their initial positions or effort – to relocate them so to attain a more favorable stance.

This time things just deflected to their regular track. Perhaps I have faced one of those exceptional instances when an effort is not enough to change things. Nevertheless, I am out of my somberness and can treat my job and my studies with a little more enthusiasm. I seem to be figuring out a way of ranging the alternatives and priorities of my life; and balancing my ambitions with my capabilities.

Flooding the eyes

2007-02-10T11:33:00.000+02:00

I am suffering the worst hangover since IYLC. The birthday party last night came up as an opportunity to break the endless chain of thoughts generated by this busy working week I had. Sure enough this morning I have realized that not all the opportunities should always be pursued.

The idea of “flooding my eyes” last night was really stupid – I’ve acquired this kind of wisdom only this morning, when it was rather late to change anything. I so wish some smart people stopped the reckless youth from drinking so much last night, yet we seem to be growing in a democratic environment (parents do not seem to care)…

I wonder why in the world do smart people make stupid choices? And why alcohol always seems to be the right choice despite all empiric knowledge about the consequences? Rhetoric questions!

Well, I better go and get myself a beer before it is too late in the day. I do not want to waste another day of my short life.

When and why sh** happens

2007-02-08T22:26:00.000+02:00

Why do all the miseries have to wait to come and wretch your life all at once? Or is it just all things seem miserable once you enter this cheerless mood? No matter what it is, here I am as down in the dumps as I can be. Things just seem to be not working out well for me these days.

Oftentimes I wish I was one of those careless people capable of not agonize after hurting someone’s feelings. I wish I could just say ‘no’ and move on without ever looking back.

I often wonder if moral values of mine do any favor to me? Or do they just stay on my way and hinder my achievements? Would it not be easier just to ignore the impractical virtues and values and pursue personal interests disregarding all the moral restraints? I guess it would, and yet the society and the natural order of things wouldn’t benefit. But who would care???

Workaholism

2007-02-07T07:46:00.000+02:00

Starting today I am commencing a new life – no more job-related activity when I am home. Since my first day at this job I was working my ass off trying to implement all the “great” ideas and strategies I had on my mind. The position I took over in the company is new-found, so I have to develop things out from scratch. Preparation takes so much more time than actual work, and I was so anxious to start doing something fun, that I have spent hours of my free time working on various preps.

Now, when my job is rock-n-rolling me, I feel that I can not go any longer being so tired. I have realized that this is not leading anywhere good. Sure enough I am far ahead of what have been expected from me, yet this does not add any zeros to my paycheck. My work has obtained some shapes, and I am doing something substantial now, which means I do not really need to be spending too much of my free time. Instead I should be taking days off from the office, and working from home. You got my vow!

Loosing My Religion

2007-02-05T20:43:00.000+02:00

Why would anyone care about my religious believes??? – That is the only question I had when I was filling out one of those endless employment forms. I did not mind sharing my blood type and my ID numbers, but religion was just too much…

It was never a secret to anyone that I am agnostic. I never made it clandestine. But, for God’s sake, I do not understand how my religious feelings can affect my ability to implement my responsibilities? Would my attitude differ was I of any particular religion? Or would my employers feel better if they knew I did not belong to any extremist sect (as if I would tell them if I did)… Very strange!

Mystification

2007-02-05T00:04:00.000+02:00

In her last e-mail, Irina (my pen-pal I wrote about before) asked me a puzzling question: Who is a friend - is it someone you need, or someone who needs you? I really have no idea what a right answer would be or if there is an answer at all.

I referred to WikiQuotes to see what the holders of wisdom had to say and it gave me an impression that friendship has been deified to an extent that it lost its realness – it has become platonic and unreachable. It looks like the people of the great knowledge endowed friendship with some mystical sense, and wasted thoughts trying to demystify it. Why are we always looking for something more than what it is?

Irina’s question prompted me to think about my friends in terms of needs. It is peculiar how I can actually classify my friends according to their need of me or my need of them. Sounds rather mercantile and egoistic, but as long as it is honest such an exercise carries a practical value. At least it helps you to identify special friendships, find those people who need you as much as you need them.

Boycotting the Normal

2007-02-03T15:16:00.000+02:00

Augusten Burroughs is my new star. His Running with Scissors is absolutely adorable. I came across a paragraph that matches exactly what I feel at certain times:

I told myself, All I want is a normal life. But was that true? I wasn’t so sure.
Because there was a part of me that enjoyed hating school, and the drama of not
going, the potential consequences whatever they were. I was intrigued by the
unknown. … Have I become addicted to crisis? I traced my finger along the
windowsill. Want something normal, want something normal, want something normal,
I told myself.

After reading this paragraph I came to realize that so many people around me think I am not normal. I do at times want to be normal, yet I have no idea what normal is. I totally understand that the category of normality is very subjective, but I feel that for many people normality equals to mainstream, something socially acceptable. There are so many underground things about me that if I started I would spent all of my life trying to change. The thing is, I do not want to waste my lifetime trying to be like others.

I realize that I choose to be different. I strive for individuality. Personality is not something to be dictated by the society, but rather something you decide to be. I guess one thing I would change is the perception of people. I do not want to appear weird to them, I want them to realize how and why I am different. I want to come up as shocking, not as a wacko.