finding joy.

TEN | p52 | 2012

2012-03-09T06:00:00.001-06:00

Remember when...

A 10 minute shower had the ability to completely change your attitude and make a day fantastic.

Happy Friday!

Check out other Project 52s at:

And if anyone else wants to link up- let me know!

this much [26 months] Jarvis

2012-03-05T19:40:00.001-06:00

First up... our picture for this month... (he's eating a special treat... haha! and you get mommy with no makeup and a ponytail...)

I am LONG overdue for an update on my big boy. So here goes...

He has been doing remarkably well with the babies joining our family. We have had a few jelousy issues and a few more temper tantrums, but seriously, he is doing AWESOME.

He adores the babies and has the cutest little 'awwww' sound any time he sees them. He loves to 'help' hold bottles and burp the babies. He gladly brings us the boppys or burp cloths. He loves singing them songs and wants to check on them all day long. He knows their names and even recognizes their faces.

He is learning his colors and letters. He knows most of the colors, most of the time, and he knows at least 10 letters, sometimes more! He even has a few sight words that he can identify. He has had a language explosion in the past 6 weeks. He went from a few phrases to full sentences. He now will try to say anything and he is communicating extremely well. He does an excellent job of being patient and repeating what he's saying over and over again until we understand. He wants us to repeat what he says so he can make sure we get it right, haha!

His pretend play has taken a dramatic leap lately. He loves to pretend to change his stuffed animals diapers or pretend to put clothes on them. His trucks and race cars play together and he makes up stories and interacts with all of his toys. He is using 'tools' to fix his cars and substituting play items for real ones (using socks as oven mitts). This is by far my favorite play stage so far, he is such a joy to watch!

We still haven't made any progress on potty training, but mommy isn't really at a place where she can focus on it, so we aren't worried right now. We are having to explore larger cloth diaper options, since he has just about maxed out the one size fuzzibunzs.

His concept of time and location is developing and he is understanding key words relating to both of those. He adores playing outside and doesn't care how cold it is, he wants to stay out as long as possible.

Once again, we just can not get over how AMAZING this little boy is. He is such a blessing and joy to be around!!

this much [1 month] Joelle & Jonah

2012-03-05T16:52:00.001-06:00

Do you know how hard it is to get a picture of your face next to a one month old's when you are alone in the house??? Yeah, apparently very hard, especially when there are two, and they only are awake for 45 minutes and it takes 40 minutes to feed/change them both...

so yeah, you get what you get... but I still love them...

and by the way, who said my babies could be a month old??? TOO FAST!! Slow down sweet babies!

(check for Jarvis' *this much* post tomorrow!)

Horrible lighting in the nursery and missed focus, but I love this one of her :)

Ahhh, Mr. grump face!

Linking up with styleberry blog for her *this much* project!

New look...

2012-03-05T14:59:00.000-06:00

You'll be noticing some changes around here over the next couple of weeks as I steal moments at the computer to give the blog a face-lift...

Hope you like it!

Insta-Monday | A lot, a lot...

2012-03-04T20:41:00.000-06:00

1. Sweet Joelle
2. Precious girl's cloth bum!
3. Jarvis: 'I sit chair hold Jo-no' (Jonah)... so sweet...
4. Sweet girl's smile of contentment..
5. Jonah agrees, Daddy is the best place to sleep...
6. Manly little cloth bum!
7. Finally got some newborn cloth in the mail, see ya later sposies!
8. My good little sleeper...

9. Baby girl is getting some chunk!
10. Jarvis watches a show, mommy sleeps, it's a win-win...
11. Load of laundry #4 of 6... EVERYDAY.
12. Blue steel boy...
13. They both fit on the changing pad... makes things easier, for now anyway!
14. Luc agrees that 3 kids are exhausting. Poor puppy has dropped even lower on the totem pole, however, he still beats out the completely useless, snotty kitty cat. Silly Juliette.
15. Baby boy's happy milk smile in the middle of the night.
16. Sweet fuzzy heads...
17. Nothing sweeter than a big man snuggling a little baby- Poppy loving on Jonah!
18. 'Treat milk' at Poppy and Oma's farewell dinner (chocolate milk)
19. Joelle's little feeties.
20. Early morning bike rides... inside, because there are 3 foot snow drifts outside...

I am so, so blessed.

NINE | p52 | 2012

2012-03-03T08:34:00.000-06:00

(My project 52 is changing a bit... I was not feeling inspired by my old prompt....) and yes, don't expect it to be on time every week... haha!

Remember when....

You were just so little, and you couldn't eat like you needed to. And mommy worried and worried until we figured out what you needed..

This post has been a couple of weeks in the making. I hadn't written it because I wanted us to get to place of knowledge and decisions before I did. I wanted to have complete information so no one else worries. First off, both the babies are healthy and doing really well.

However, we were having some weight gain issues with both. Jonah in particular.

I do not want to offer up a plate of excuses, and honestly, when it comes down to it, it's our families decision as to what is best for ALL of us. Let me just say, I have yet to be able to be successful at breastfeeding my children and that does not make me happy. It's complicated and difficult, and at 6 weeks with Jarvis, when he was failing to thrive, losing his hair, and NOT healthy, we made the decision to switch to formula. It was the right decision then, and it's the right decision now.

Joelle was always a better nurser, and if it had just been her, I feel like we would have been successful. She was gaining, and just a bit slower than the 'normal' suggested track. Jonah really struggled, had an extremely painful latch, and was gaining much, much too slowly. After what had happened with Jarvis, I knew the warning signs and I wanted to nip it in the bud before it got worse. Jonah has been on formula for just about 2 weeks now. He finally started gaining, but still, much slower than I was comfortable with.

He just did not feed well. Every bottle feeding was a struggle to get formula into him, and he needed to be burped VERY often as he sucked in lots of air. He would eat for 30 minutes and get just an ounce and a half before he passed back out from exhaustion. I just felt like something was not going right.

After meeting with the lactation consultant, and several pediatricians, we ended up with a big question mark and a referral to a Pediatric Occupational Therapist. We visited him yesterday morning and it was a big relief for me. The OT recognized his organization issues when it came to sucking, swallowing, and breathing at the same time and said he was feeding about how you would expect a baby who was born at 34/35 weeks to eat. We aren't sure what's causing it (low muscle tone in his neck/jaw or a posterior tongue tie which no doctor in Minot is trained to diagnose), but with a few tips and tricks, he is already eating much better and not sucking in as much air. I anticipate this is just a maturity thing, and as he gets bigger and is not exhausting himself eating he will get better at it. For now, we have been able to get closer to 3 oz in him at every feeding and I feel that his weight gain will increase!

And on that note, we have moved Joelle over to formula as well. The OT feels that attempting to get Jonah back breastfeeding is not an option for a couple of months because he doesn't have the muscle tone, and I have come to the decision that I can not be what I need to be for my family while nursing, pumping, and bottle feeding twins.

I am happy my babies are eating well and growing, and ultimately, that is what is most important to me. I am saddened that, once again, I was unable to be successful at breastfeeding, but I am very thankful for formula and that my babies can still get what they need. Joelle downs over 4 oz at every feeding and she has REALLY chunked up over the past week.

They have another weight check on Friday and I'll post what they are then. But as of the 29th, Jonah had just passed his birth-weight at 6lbs 12 ounces and Joelle was catching up at 6lbs 4 ounces.

And just because I can't post a picture of just one of them.... look at her little mohawk :)

Check out other Project 52s at:

And if anyone else wants to link up- let me know!

Insta-Monday | Sleepy & Snowy

2012-02-26T19:42:00.000-06:00

1. It was a caffeinated cup of coffee kind of morning...
2. Packed away the maternity tops.... still sporting the maternity pants though.... boo.
3. Rocking our little brother.
4. Park date with the big brother while the babies slept at home with Grandpa.
5. Puppy guarding his babies.
6. Sock as oven mitts... smart boy!!
7. First outing with all three kids- farewell dinner for grandpa on base- to the same place that we went out ot eat after Jarvis was born!
8. Watching Daddy clear snow with the 'baby tractor.' We got hit with our biggest blizzard of the year last night!
9. This big brother LOVES his babies...
10. Big boy watching a fire truck show... mama trying to sneak in a nap...
11. Poppy and Oma made it in before the snow last night!

Adjusting | p52 | 2012

2012-02-25T16:56:00.000-06:00

Oh yes... this is late... but it's here!

Sigh. Poor thing. Every thing has been a bit crazy over the past month, and while it's awesome that he's had an constant playmate (first Gammie then Grandpa), he's definitely been having a bit of trouble adjusting. Mommy and Daddy are busy and not around as much, plus we keep leaving with 'just the babies' for doctor's appointments, and he's not getting out as much as he would like.

We've been making an effort to get him out of the house, even just to run to the commissary or store. And we've had a nice little spell of warmer weather which has allowed us to go on walks or play in the backyard.

This week we made a point to leave the napping babies with Grandpa, and go on a chilly little park date, something he hasn't gotten to do in several months! He and I used to go to the park nearly every other day in the summer and boy he's missed it.

So loaded up in our (hideous) wonderful crocs to combat the mud and spent some time at the park with our oldest. One step at a time to help him adjust.....

Check out other Project 52s at:

And if anyone else wants to link up- let me know!

The Twins | Individually

2012-02-21T20:48:00.000-06:00

With fraternal twins, you basically are just getting siblings who happened to share a womb and be born together. I knew that, and I expected them to be different from one another, and from Jarvis, but I have honestly been surprised just how much of their little personalities have been showing through.

Let me be clear while it may seem that this post 'compares' my children, it's more just observations on characteristics and behaviors. I love all of them and their quirks equally :) I'm writing this all down, because I know the haze of newborns will eventually fade it all away, it did with Jarvis.

Joelle. (Which by the way, is pronouced 'joe-l', in case anyone was wondering) My middle girl, squished between two boys. Oh, how mama knows how that feels, my poor girl! At first, I would have said she was going to be my laid back child, but she's showing more and more gumption every day! From day 1, she has latched better while nursing than either of the other boys, but she's super sleepy and a lazy nurser. She requires most of my attention to keep her awake and eating. She's going to be the natural snuggler of the bunch. Jarvis never was much of a snuggle boy, but with the hub's influence he's becoming more of one every day. She adores being held and rocked though, and fights being laid on her back. She'd rather be held, but sweet girl, there just aren't enough mama arms to go around, sorry.

She has these little crinkle ears, that are flat on the side and top. I love them, they look like little elf ears. She has all these little petite features. She's a little squeaker, just like her big brother Jarvis was. She's still so tiny, and I imagine she will stay that way. She's like a little squeaky mouse. She has light brown hair that is nearly long enough for clips already, and her eyes are still a dark blue.

And Joelle, my sweet Joelle. She looks like her big brother, Job. There's been a little sliver of recognition in my mind every time I look at her, and the other day, I placed it. She and Job have the same bone structure in their faces. Job was so tiny, at the time, I thought his features just indicated he wasn't completely grown yet, and it was hard for me to picture his face full grown, as a infant, or a toddler. But it's clear, looking at Joelle, that he would have resembled her. While Jarvis and Jonah share more similar features and bone structure, Joelle and Job would have looked more alike. However all three boys, Jarvis, Job, and Jonah, have Daddy's cleft chin, and lucky little Joelle doesn't!

Jonah. Ahhh.. our little grumpy old man. We've taken to calling him Jonah-bear, because he has quite the frown and scowl, but it's all just an act, he's a big sweetie. He, just like his big brother, Jarvis, had a HORRIBLE latch initially and really fought breast-feeding. We are doing much better on that front, but he still has bad habits to work on, but overall he is much more aggressive at nursing than Joelle. Because of this, I thought he was going to be more high maintenance than his sister, but since he's been eating better, he has chilled out quite a bit. He's very observant and really watches what goes on around him. He's also the better sleeper in general and has a bit more flexibility than Joelle in his wake time length. Hopefully, this will allow me to be able to synchronize them better when I am alone with all 3 kids!

Jonah is extremely expressive. I've never seen so many facial expressions on a newborn! Jarvis had quite the grumpy face going when he was a newborn, but Jonah easily beats him out. This kid has at least 4 or 5 forehead wrinkles most of the time. And he can raise one eyebrow all the way up while he furrows the other one. He makes this face most often when he starts nursing, it's hilarious!! He's also quite the gassy little boy and we are working on getting good burps out of him.

Like I said before, Jonah really resembles Jarvis more than Joelle does. He has Jarvis' nose and eyes and forehead shape, and of course, the cleft chin from Daddy! Jonah also inherited Daddy's double cowlick, whereas Jarvis just has a single one. He still has loads of hair, but it's a much darker shade than Jarvis' or Joelle's. And his sweet little eyes are still a dark blue, we will see what they turn out to be!

Hmmmm, so that's all my new mama brain can come up with for now! Be watching for a link to our studio and in home lifestyle newborn sessions tomorrow!

Insta-Monday | My Valentines

2012-02-19T13:52:00.001-06:00

1. My big boy Valentine opening his present- and yes, this was the best shot I could get, he was just too excited!

2. My little valentines, snuggled up together.

3. My favorite candy ever, a gift from my awesome hubs...

4. My 'we made it one week' indulgence (which sadly made the babies gassy... boo)

5. Sweet, sleepy boy. I love video monitors!!

6. Brother snuggles- look hard, there's a Jonah under there!

7. Cars 2, air-popped popcorn and Daddy... too bad we could only sit still for 1/4 of it!

And just for fun....

Delivery day 1 week post-partum 2 weeks post-partum

Amazing what the human body can do!!

the tangled web | loss

2012-02-18T20:57:00.001-06:00

the first moment you hold your brand-new baby(ies) in your arms after losing another child...

everything you thought you dealt with gets even more complicated.

having more children after a loss is just a big tangled web of

fear

hope

grieving

guilt

awe

appreciation

longing

desperation

love

add in a side dish of brand-new mother hormones... and it's a big ole' mess.

because no matter how much you love the new baby(ies), and how separate the love is for your living and lost children in your heart.

motherhood is still forever colored a little differently.

The question is whether you let the shades of loss color everything darker...

or whether the streaks of new sunshine can light up the old pains.

Don't worry. I'm doing just fine. I am blessed, and so much better for having known Job and Monkey.

But please keep in mind, if you ever meet another mother who's struggling with their feelings of guilt over having a new baby after having lost another, don't act appalled or like she doesn't lover her new baby as much as the first. Things are forever different after ANY type of tragic loss or pain.

And holding my children will forever make me long to hold my missing two children. It's reality. And honestly- I miss them even more now.

But, oh, how wonderful that reunion will be someday.

And until then, I'll keep snuggling my precious children here on earth.

My dear friend Christa, who lost her sweet son Mason at just a few days old, wrote a post a few days ago that hit the nail on the head- hope she doesn't mind me sharing! But here's another mother's perspective as she celebrates the birth of her son Noah. Going through another pregnancy together at the same time was such a blessing and she has been an inspiration and support for me, as I hope I was for her.

Chaotic | p52 | 2012

2012-02-17T13:06:00.000-06:00

Wow... it's Friday again? Really??

I'm not going to lie... things are a bit crazy around here right now. Feeling a bit like we are holding onto sanity with the tips of our fingers....

Three kids- two newborns... boy they are exhausting. Big brother has loads of energy and sweet little babies have their days and nights mixed up...

But we are hanging in there and enjoying lots of sweet snuggles...

So for this week- you get a picture of my two newest Valentines. Maybe I'll actually remember next week BEFORE Friday ;)

Check out other Project 52s at:

And if anyone else wants to link up- let me know!

Insta-Monday | The First Week

2012-02-13T10:52:00.001-06:00

It took me three day to get this post written... my computer time has dropped off significantly. Which is kinda awesome... Three kids are so much work, but so much fun!

Lots of pictures this time- but if you are on Facebook or Instagram, you've probably already seen them... oh well!

1. Last picture as a family of 3 as we head to the hospital!
2. Taken the day before the twins were born, holy cow, big babies! We love us some family reading time!
3. Jace holding both the babies for the first time.
4. Me holding both the babies for the first time.
5. Joelle and Jonah!
6. Heading home, exactly 48 hours after they were born- we are so blessed!!
7. Joelle's first headband! Made by mama ;)
8. Silly sleeping babies- this is pretty much how it was in the womb, Joelle in a little ball, Jonah taking up space!
9. The best big brother EVER!
10. Grandpa's here!!! And Jarvis is thrilled to have a new playmate, since Gammie heads back to Texas tomorrow! So thankful for tag-team grandparenting!
11. Their first night home... I have waited so long to see a baby in that bassinet again... The Lord is SO GOOD.
12. Getting their sun on to fight some light jaundice...
13. Snuggling my chunky boy, Jonah...
14. My current lifesavers- featuring the stylebabyLOG- which is AMAZING!! It's the only way I am keeping my brain straight right now!!

We took their newborn studio pictures yesterday- 6 hours in a *hot* studio, haha! But our photographer, Stacy, was awesome and the babies did so well!

So far they have both had ONE bath, haha, and are both really liking eating every 3.5 hours and being swaddled. We have been able to get latching and tandem feeding down about 80% of the time, and that saves me A LOT of time! It's definitely an art form to be able to tandem breastfeed twins, but I'm excited it's working so much better than breastfeeding Jarvis ever did- I'm so much more informed now!

Overflowing | p52 | 2012

2012-02-10T09:58:00.000-06:00

This is the first time I have even touched my computer since the babies were born. I've been checking in online on my phone a couple times a day, but I was shocked when I get up this morning and there were links to project 52- is it really Friday? How did that happen?

The picture up above- the first one of my hubby with our 3 kids. Wow... how do we have 3 kids?? It's still so surreal!

Overall we are all doing very, very well. We were able to all go home only 48 hours after the c-section, which is amazing in and of itself, but even more so with twins! They are sweet, sweet babies and are growing. We are still learning to breastfeed, and every day/feeding is a new challenge, but overall they are doing so much better than Jarvis was at this time. Let me tell you though... nursing twins, tandem or separate is TIME-CONSUMING!! Sometimes it feels like I don't get out of the nursing chair for hours, which is true. They are still sleepy little newborns, but are just the sweetest things to cuddle. Unlike their big brother, who never slept as newborn and didn't like to be held, they both sleep pretty well and love being snuggled into anything, especially one another!

I am healing very well and expect to be back to normal in just a couple of weeks. Besides the actual surgery (which was a horrid experience, sigh), healing from the c-section has been much easier than the complications with Jarvis' birth. I am mobile and moving around, but still limited in how much I can do. Luckily, between Gammie and Jace, I am being well-taken care of. THe hubs has off for several weeks, which boy, do we need! For some reason, these babies sleep better in the middle of the day, so I am taking up napping when they do, because I've been getting less than 3 hours a night of broken sleep. Feeling a bit cut off from my normal social world, which is sad, especially since I know my friends are dying to meet and hold the babies. But I'm trying to remind myself that this will all go easier if we hunker down, get healthy, get feeding down, and figure out our routine as quickly as possible. And unfortunately, my dear friends are going to have to wait a bit longer for an open invitation.

Jarvis has been AMAZING with the babies. This kid continues to blow me away. Things are crazy and out of routine (which if you know us well, you know we all like routine!) and the normal attention he gets from mommy and daddy is nowhere near being met. But he is behaving like an angel. He adores the babies and calls them 'my babies' and he loves to pat their heads and be around them. He loves to read them books and share his toys. And he's doing such a good job at attempting to control the 2-year-old noise level (although really, we don't expect him to- he's 2! and they have to get used to sleeping through it all anyway!)

My dad flies in tomorrow to take over for my mom, who leaves the 14th. I'm excited to have my dad here, but boy does he have big shoes to fill with Gammie leaving. She has been absolutely amazing, and it has been such a blessing physically and emotionally to know Jarvis is well-taken care of and getting his attention and love while we work to include the babies in our family.

Of course, the wonderful postpartum hormones swing throughout the day. I go from wondering how in the world I am going to handle 3 kids, especially 2 newborns, by myself when everyone else goes back to their normal world. A couple hours later I am crying in complete joy over the amazing blessing we have been given.

We are so, so, so blessed and thankful for our little family and the love and support we have received.

Baby Stats | The Fishies

2012-02-07T22:04:00.001-06:00

I'm writing up a big post about delivery day and our hospital stay, but I wanted to get their stats up on and on the blog for all the curious people out there!

Baby A- Girl, was born first at 1:52pm. She weighed in at 5lbs 9ozs and was 18.5 inches long. Her head was 13 inches, and chest 12.25 inches. She has a full head of dark hair and blue eyes, that will likely turn brown too! She is sweet and dainty, and is the first of our 4 kids to NOT have Daddy's chin. Although she resembles her brother quite a bit, we all think she will end up looking more like me- can't wait to see!

Baby B- Boy, was born just a minute later at 1:53pm. He was a hefty 6lbs 11ozs and was 19.75 inches long. His head was 13.25 inches, and check 12.75 inches. He also has a head full of dark hair and blue eyes. He seems amazingly larger than her, although the weight difference is only a pound. He is an exact carbon copy of his older brother from Daddy's chin to his personality!

As far as mama goes, I am healing really well- every nurse has been very impressed with the job my doctor did on my incision! I am up and walking and free of any more tubes. I can now eat whatever I would like and move around freely. I am definitely sore and can't lift anything heavy or do any bending for a bit, but overall I am feeling good.

In fact, we are all doing so well that we will most likely be heading home Wednesday afternoon! Can't wait!

My good friend Stacy gave me a baby gift in the form of a mini-session at the hospital to capture the babies in all of their day old glory. Here's some of the pictures.

In the hats Gammie made them and the shirts I made them :D

Joelle

Jonah

Daddy with Joelle

More to come later!!

Twins | pictures

2012-02-07T02:32:00.001-06:00

Just a quick post with more pictures... I'll ad more and text later once I'm on a comp and not my phone!

Delivery Day | The Fishies

2012-02-06T08:19:00.000-06:00

Well, here it is... BABY DAY!!

And just to get you excited... here's the last picture!

And those of you on facebook last night saw this, but I had a little mini-session with my good friend Stacy of Stacy VanDyck Photography on Saturday to try out a super cute idea she had! Check it out! And then go look at the rest of her blog- she will be doing 2 newborn sessions for us in the next week and a half!

hahaha, so much fun!!

YAY, BABY DAY!!

Introducing the Twins

2012-02-05T23:12:00.001-06:00

We are thrilled to announce the birth of our son and daughter!

Joelle Walker, 5lbs 9ozs, and Jonah Wakefield, 6lbs 11ozs.

More pictures/information to come!

Insta-Monday | The final countdown...

2012-02-04T23:19:00.000-06:00

(Or Insta-Sunday- since tomorrow we head to the hospital to deliver some babies!)

Bored sewing... casserole carriers for my mom and for Stacy's birthday! They are insulated and fit 8x8 to 9x13 pans... love them!

Ran out of girl scout cookies... sooooo... baking time!

400 am and I are good friends... hot tea, a snack, and back to bed for some more sleep...

Glow sticks in the bathtub: cheap, easy, and so much fun!

These are the best mornings... Jarvis loves to go and get books and read in our bed. Too perfect.

More bored sewing... a sneak peak of something for the twins....

I sewed alot this week! Another set of 32 cloth wipes for the twins, this time flannel backed with minky!

My stylebabyLOGs: color-coordinated to keep them separate!

Final pre-baby lunch date with my favorite man- thanks Gammie!

And just for fun- some random pregnancy facts....

I have not been able to wear my wedding rings for the past 2 months. boo.
My belly button popped about a month ago- something that never happened with Jarvis at 42 weeks.
I have not had a single issue that twins are considered higher risk for (gestational diabetes, preterm labor, growth restriction, hyper tension, etc..)
I have gained a total of 35 lbs despite all efforts to pack on more. (I gained 27 with Jarvis)
My two biggest pregnancy cravings were peanut butter and cheese crackers and canned green beans with fried onions. I know- so horrible, but I ate these daily/weekly throughout the entire 9 months... so strange...

I didn't swell with Jarvis hardly at all, but these babies are taking their toll the last couple of weeks:

Tomorrow morning- one last belly post with the updated composite, and then a post with baby weights and names late in the evening- can't wait!!

this much [25 months]

2012-02-03T23:04:00.000-06:00

Hey, hey- check it out! I'm early this month!! That's because on the 6th (Jarvis' birthdate) I will be having 2 MORE babies! Be watching for their 0 month one!

This boy, my eldest, he's amazing.

Don't ever forget how special you are, sweet boy. I will always, always love you. Thank you for letting me be your mother.

linking up with styleberry blog for her this much project...

38 weeks | The Fishies

2012-02-03T12:37:00.000-06:00

Well... I honestly never thought I would make it this far... I thought for sure they would be born by now. However, I am barely effaced or dilated, my blood pressure is slightly high but under control, and everything is still going well. So we are holding off until Monday!

Honestly, my doctor is quite lucky with how routine this twin pregnancy has been- he's gotten off very easy! I think he's excited to finally be delivering them on Monday, his sweet nurses are fighting over who gets to be in there with me (and the 20 other people that twins require, lol!)

Here's a fun fact, last week, we measured the circumference of my belly (around my back and then the widest part of my belly.) It was 47 inches. This week, it was 48.25 inches. Oh yeah, growing rapidly up in here. It's hard to tell in the pictures just exactly how much change there is, but know I am over an inch wider in just a week... In the past 2 weeks I have noticed that they feel much 'heavier' in general. Can't wait to see what they weigh!

I am definitely downright uncomfortable all the time now. Insanely so. I can't decide if recovering from a c-section will be more or less painful than twins at 38 weeks. I'm thinking the c-section will be less painful.... haha! ouch!

I am so thankful that we have been able to carry them this long and that they have an excellent chance of having no issues and coming straight home with us! I can not wait to see their faces and finally hold them.

And here's the belly- 38 weeks! I am planning on taking one more the morning of the c-section and then updating the composite!

THREE MORE DAYS!!

Cherishing | p52 | 2012

2012-02-02T22:40:00.000-06:00

This is our last weekend as a family of 3. Monday, we head to the hospital to bring home TWO new babies. Things are going to change, forever. And while it will be good, and worth every bit of adjustment... this sweet boy has no idea whats headed his way. Over the past couple of weeks, we have been trying to make a point to do extra special things with him and just soak up as much one-on-one time as possible. I know it will be important to keep up after the babies come too.

Normally, this boy is all Daddy's. Maybe it's because I stay home with him and he gets bored with me, lol, or maybe it's just because he has an awesome daddy. With Gammie here the past week, he had been all about Gammie helping him. Until the past 2 days- now, it's all Mommy. I think he senses things are changing, that Mommy is about to get super busy. So for now, I am loving all the mommy requests and snuggles.

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Remembering...

2012-02-02T07:17:00.001-06:00

Today is the year anniversary of Job's due date. And while this may seem like I am 'dwelling' to some people, in the interest of being honest, I have very mixed feelings this week. Yes, we are so very blessed in so many ways right now, but Job deserves some remembrance, and he is very much a part of my everyday life and thoughts.

Part of me wonders if anyone else besides me knows (or cares) that he should be turning one right now. Although it doesn't really matter if they do, because I know many people loved and grieved him. I can't help but think about what it would be like to have a one year old and Jarvis right now. How they would play together, how alike they would look, how crazed I might be- haha!

It's strange to be facing this anniversary with TWO babies who will be here any day kicking away in my belly. If we had not lost Job (and then Monkey), we most likely would not be having the twins. This knowledge doesn't make me grateful for having lost him- I would still give just about anything to have him here with us. But it does make me so very aware that the Lord has a bigger plan than we can see in the moment.

The first days (weeks, months) after I gave birth to and held my stillborn child, I felt so empty and I could not see how the Lord could have ever wanted this pain for me, or how He had bigger plans for me or anyone in it. It's hard to hold onto the Good and the Truth in the midst of all the pain.

But the mother I am today; the mother that losing Job has shaped me into- this mother is ready (and thrilled) to be having twins with a very spirited 2-year-old running around. The mother I was before Job, she could not have done this (I would have tried, but I would have tried on my own, not with the support of my Lord). My attitude, mental, emotional, and spiritual state would not have been ready for this challenge.

So yes, today I grieve. Despite the huge promise of new life at the tips of my fingertips, I am still sad. I miss my son. I wish I could see what he would look like today. I wish I could hold him and rock him. I wish I could see his big brother read him a book. I wish I could see him rolling on the floor giggling with my amazing husband.

But I know I will someday. And until then- I accept, and embrace, that my Lord has big plans for my life. He knows what I need and when. He doesn't promise it will be easy, but He promises to be there for me. And that. That is enough.

We miss you Job. We can not wait for the day we will all be together again!

Insta-Monday | Week 5

2012-01-30T07:19:00.000-06:00

1. After much 'middle-of-the-night' thinking, I have set up a little baby area on the dresser in our room. I was planning that they would sleep in the pac n' play in our room for a while, and that we would do middle of the night changings/feedings there... however since we only have 3 bedrooms, Gammie is sleeping in the twin's nursery, and I decided it would be better to have mostly everything in our room for the first month or so... Hence, the baby area... with preemie clothes, that I am hoping will be too little for them!!

2. My mom makes the best coffee cake in the world. Apparently except for in my oven, which refuses to work correctly... it's still delicious though!

3. More crafty-nesting. A handmade sign for the front door (mostly for the annoying UPS/FedEx guys...).

4. Absolutely delicious tomato and cheese tortellini soup... and I am claiming that I can no longer say I don't know how to cook... I'm getting good at this whole planning/prepping/cooking thing.... just in time to have twins and not cook for a couple of months, haha!

5. Well, after another little trip to the ER on Saturday night (Baby Girl had flipped and I couldn't feel her moving like she should have been- however both of them checked out just fine!), I finally ACTUALLY packed my hospital bag... most of the stuff has been gathered and sitting in my room, but now it's actually packed- getting close!!

6. Gammie has been bored waiting on the babies- so while Jarvis sleeps, she knits! Super cute hats and flowers....

7. We've been eating much better and trying to avoid processed foods. But I'm 9.5 months pregnant with twins and it's girl scout cookie season, I can't help it. I'm craving peanut butter patties all the time... however Minot doesn't start selling them til the 18th!!! So a friend shipped me 4 (Thanks Melanie!!) and my mom brought me 3... this is the LAST BOX... boo.

8. Made my mom a set of un-paper towels. I seriously dislike making these (tedious annoying work), but these are out of monk cloth (more like a dish towel material) and I can't wait to see how they work out. They are super absorbent...

Next week, my Insta-Monday will likely be an Insta-Sunday... because Monday is BABY DAY!! :)

Daddy's boy | p52 | 2012

2012-01-27T09:02:00.002-06:00

My boy, standing by his daddy while they read a book... They have the EXACT same hair (except Daddy has a double cowlick, and Jarvis only has one)... I swear this child is nearly a carbon copy of his daddy. Check out those little tufts of hair sticking out. We call it hedgehog hair, the thick, stick-straight-out hair that holds any slept-on or hat-shape. I cut hubby's hair that night (gotta keep up with the military regs!) but I'm letting bitty's grow out, I kinda like the shaggy-ness!

Seriously- so sweet. He adores his daddy.

Check out other Project 52s at:

And if anyone else wants to link up- let me know!