The Cosby show WAS the standard for how life should be. So, in 2005 when I read about the allegations and the lawsuit, because I care about justice for victims of sexual assault and Cosby, I investigated it and read extensively what I could find. What I found lead me to believe there wasn’t much to it and it had been settled out of court. Actually what I decided upon was the woman wasn’t credible. At this point in time I have no idea why I came to that conclusion, but that’s what I thought and moved on. So this current outrage really upsets me, WHERE WERE YOU IN 2005? If this is such an issue of importance? NOTHING has changed since 2005, no new charges, no new evidence, no new convictions, just a comedian who made a joke and the rage machine of the internet in full effect. Maybe I have lost my mind, but even in the midst of the current court statements, my understanding is Cosby said he got drugs for women he wanted to have sex with. The one woman he said he gave the drugs to testified in court that she voluntarily took the drugs from Cosby. This information has now morphed into “COSBY ADMITS TO RAPE” in articles I see my friends posting, so maybe I have lost my mind, I believe women, I believe them until I am given cause to think otherwise and then I don’t know, this isn’t saying Cosby didn’t do it, it seems VERY likely, but I don’t definitely know. Maybe I watched too much Law & Order, but people being taken down in the court of public opinion is not my preferred measure of justice.

It made me think about what cultural appropriation or “authenticity” even means anymore, in the age of the internet. An age filled with black teenagers obsessed with dressing and talking like anime characters, Filipino’s being consistent players in the element of DJing, Todos Somos Morrissey, Akon speaking Hindi in one of this songs, Big Boi stating Kate Bush is the person he would most like to work with, Lupe Fiasco sampling Modest Mouse, every MC on my twitter feed being in love with Larry David, Tyler the creator sporting a nazi symbol(ala Poly Styrene), the Farsi speaking dude in “Kennedy” Fried Chicken telling me to “Have a Goodnight Mami,” and the last episode of 60 minutes including a montage of the hosts edited with Eminem’s “My Name Is” under it(dude, those dudes are OLD!). I mean really, aren’t white kids “acting black” at this point just “acting white” or at least Filipino? or Ed Bradley?

The problem is not the symbols or the ornaments, or the images, these are subjective, dependent on time and place, anyone can wear anything, anyone can profit off or copyright any image. The nuts and bolts of who is profiting and why, is the real issue. You may be an uncreative dickhead for wearing a neon Indian Headdress, but you aren’t racist. I’m not saying these images aren’t powerful, they are, that’s why we care so much, but you cannot intellectually argue people out of how they want to express themselves, you cannot intellectually argue people out of what they respond to, of what makes them happy or angry.

I worry as I get older, I have these creeping thoughts in my head about biology, thoughts that where heartily dismissed in earlier years. Don’t get me wrong, my friends who are medical doctors have previously corrected my liberal arts ramblings about the non existence or little importance of biological differences between men and women, by simply staring at me confusedly until I remembered the whole child birth thing. So I very much do not dismiss biology and use it as often as I can as an excuse for my terrible behavior. But I don’t want to believe what Instagram “proves” to me about females in their “natural habitat.” The structure and interface(i really don’t know if i am using these words correctly)…the setup of Instagram is a program which enables the user to take photos of her environment, of what she sees. It enables the user to document their surroundings, the weirdness, humor, and complexity of the world in which she lives, of what is outside of her……you see where I am going with this. I click around for a minute in Instagram and it’s hard not to be depressed or let down, by it’s overwhelming use by women to do, not only the selfies, but post photos that are obviously taken at another time, with another camera, by another person, in some glamour shots manner and then transferred through a computer back to her phone to be posted through Instagram. (i’m smart and i read alot, that’s how i know about this, i CERTAINLY have NEVER done such a thing). There are way too many titties on Instagram and Twitter. Why is this women’s “natural” response to Instagram?

I am someone who has harassed people to tag me in a hot photo of myself. I am someone that has to approve images I am tagged in online. I am someone who has gone through her Flickr and deleted “fat pics.” I am someone who has a weird Instagram name because I wanted one image to post to Facebook and it wouldn’t so I made a whole new account,…yeah, I get it, I care about how I look online. If I weighed 120lbs, maybe I would use Instagram differently. What I like to think, HOWEVER, is that my Instagram would be HALF hot photos of myself and HALF awesome things I have seen. That’s all. Every time I think about posting a “hot” selfie(like right now, for this blog, oh man this is the perfect excuse!) I end up being like “oh man that’s too much work.” There is a great writer, Alicia Eler, who is doing a “Selfie Project” right now. I think it took me about two months to send her a selfie of myself. Which I am including in this post as well as two other hot selfies (one of them is me right now!)

Really the issue is not it isn’t kool that women do this, but why don’t men do this? hmmm? I wonder about such things all the time. I certainly am not looking for an Instagram full of dick pics, but this also highlights how men feel no need to become more nuanced in their presentation of themselves online. That’s a whole other blog: the prevalence of dicks pics in a world that continues to deny, not solicit, and unwelcome them. haha.

Follow me on Instagram! McNotCool_

Enjoy!

Listen Here.

The neighborhood I grew up in has changed a great deal, just over the last ten years. It’s gone through a common cycle found in cities, European immigrants, primarily Eastern European, followed by people of color, white flight and new immigrants from India and Asia, followed by younger “upwardly” mobile “students.” My family is part of the group that didn’t quite achieve white flight. My neighborhood is not really gentrifying as much as functioning as campus housing to the over five colleges in the area. After spending my time actively being the first wave of Gentrification in neighborhoods across the country, I guess this is my payback.

The house next door to my mom, is now a revolving door of various college kids. One night, I was trying to find parking and in front of this house was a chair and a parking cone, reserving a parking space. My immediate reaction was “Oh hell no, I know one of these kids that has lived here for 3 weeks isn’t putting up a chair! i’m throwing this shit on the side walk!” but I did not know definitely who the items belonged to and did not want my car keyed. I was also able to find another place to park.

If you Google “Parking Chair” you’ll find a Wikipedia page that lists Boston, Pittsburgh, Chicago, and Philadelphia as places known for it. I grew up with the understanding of parking chairs as being used by the person who shoveled out a parking space to reserve it for themselves or by older members of a neighborhood. I also grew up with them being a point of contention between the longer residents of a neighborhood and the newer residents. Long time residents of a neighborhood used and accepted them with some unwritten rules, while newer members felt they were simply illegal.

The next time I saw one of the tenants of the house next to my mom, I politely asked him if anyone in their home had placed a chair and parking cone in front of the house. He responded,

“Chair? I don’t know about a chair, we have a parking cone, but I don’t know about a chair.”

“Well why did you put the cone there?”

“Well, I’m not even from Pittsburgh, but I heard that’s what people do here.”

…..”LOOK CHAD, you entitled little bitch, my mom who lives in this house here, has lived in this neighborhood her entire life, except for about 10 years, in which she lived about 5 miles away, she doesn’t put out a chair. My grandmother lived in that house down there her entire life, her mom lived in that house her entire life, and she only put out a chair after she was 60 and had trouble walking. Can you do me a favor and not do that anymore?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Ok, thanks, thanks so much” SMILEY FACE.

Except for the insulting of the ethnicity of his name and the entitled little bitch thing, that’s what was said.

I may seem hypocritical for having a problem with this but not having a problem with “cultural appropriation” or certain aspects of “gentrification.” But, I don’t think these things are the same and I am too tired to get into it now, I just wanted to write about this terrible child whose parents did not raise him right.

“Riot Grrrl was disintegrating. There were just a lot of white girls fighting about who was more or less racist, and it was gross.” (YUP, sat through a bunch of that)
and
“There were also some girls in the scene who were using language about sexual assault in ways that were reprehensible-saying that somebody bumping into them at a show was assault.”

I think Hanna’s statements are incredibly important especially as there is new attention being paid to the Riot Grrrl movement and a new resurgence in Feminist and social justice ideas. As someone who has been a part of these movements since they were 13(I’m so kool), I am HIGHLY critical of what I feel is the overtly limiting and judgmental tone of aspects of Riot Grrrl, Feminism and social justice groups. Hanna’s words ring true to me, just recently as a result of more and more projects being done about Riot Grrrl, I have come in contact with many people I knew in past Riot Grrrl work. It’s bummed me out to find women who share the same motivations and ideals as myself, whom I cannot have a conversation with, without what seems to me as misunderstanding, anger or aggression. I lament, what seems, sometimes, as Riot Grrrl turning into a bunch of “tsk-tsk,” finger wagging at the use of the “wrong” words or images. I have felt the alienation Hanna describes. It’s good though, because it has definitely pushed me to be more active and vocal in defining what Feminism and Riot Grrrl are to me.

I joke with my friends, that if I hear someone use certain terms, I am almost 100% sure they will think I’m an asshole. Terms like:”intersectionality,” “ally,” “cisgendered,” “POC,” “womanist,” “___-shaming,” “cultural appropriation,” “triggering,” “safe space” etc.

These words make my body tense, These words make me cautious. They make me disingenuous. They do NOT make me any less of a sexist/racist “asshole.”

Why or how do I feel I can predict this? To me these words very much represent group-think and quit frankly make the individual using them very predictable. Don’t get me wrong, I DO get along with people that use these words, sometimes I even use them. I identify as extremely liberal, if not radically so, however it greatly concerns me that aspects of this culture seem quit hostile to any type of dissent. I understand why, as Hanna mentions, the other side is so terrible so disgusting, what Liberal wants to even risk being labeled a misogynist? a racist? I hardly if ever use the term “politically correct” I don’t like it, I don’t feel it’s accurate or genuine. When I’ve thought to use it, I’ve felt like I wasn’t using it correctly. I don’t feel I really know what it means. Hanna mentions in the article that is was a term created to discredit liberals and it has always seemed as such. Who wants to be on the side of that? I was lucky to encounter the word “academic” as what I feel more accurately describes the terms and ideas I feel can be so limiting in the Feminist movement.

I have been on both sides of the “Academic” or “Politically Correct” coin, I have been the chastised and the chastiser. One time I was chastised for being a bad white person… ooooook more than once. To my defense, I have been chastised from individuals of all races, genders, ages, and political beliefs. My friends attribute it to the variety of situations in which I place myself, NOT on my horrible personality. During a conference I was part of organizing in Philly in 1997, I was creating a sign-up sheet or flier or something, and I wrote the word “boobies” on it. A woman at the conference became very upset at my use of such a disrespectful term. Yeah that happened. When I was in college a comic I had drawn was not allowed in the student paper because it was believed that it insinuated if an individual masturbates they are also a pedophile. The people who ran the paper thought because I was making fun of a gross guy who lived in my building in NYC, by calling him a pedophile and showing him masturbating in one scene, that college students who read it and where themselves masturbators would be so traumatized…..I really don’t know what the fuck. I have had the notable life experience of having my specific behavior written on a list of things white people do that is racist. The behavior in question was requiring “proof” from people of color when they say they have experienced racism. Look, I don’t know where you grew up, but if I DON’T KNOW YOU, I’m not believing a word you tell me about a situation I did NOT experience myself. That’s called gossip, not racial justice. In terms of my own “justice” work: I’ve “called out” an independent, female filmmaker for not being sensitive to working class issues, I destroyed a 15 foot enormous snow penis on my college campus(I stand by this one till the day I die), I chastised BUST magazine for being “racist,”(until thank god my sister was like, “you are an idiot”). Really at what point does political righteousness become just hating?

As much as we might not want to face it, we are in a time when racism and sexism are subjective. Ok, Redlining is not subjective, the incarceration rate of black men is not subjective, the health differences between white and black women are not subjective, etc. BUT, at the same time, Hermain Cain and I are never going to agree on what is and is not racist. Over the years, I have seen very confusing things. I have read take-downs of Tina Fey for being un-feminist, TINA FEY! I have seen support of strippers while fashion magazines are deemed unacceptable. I have seen support for the right to be as unhealthy as one wants and at the same time the chastising of dieting. My sister chastised me for putting a Nicky Da B video on my blog after she watched the Misinformation documentary on the representation of women in society. Nicky Da B is an out queer rapper and has a 300 lb woman twerking in the video I posted. This to me equals not sexist, but to her at that time it was, so who is to say. I’ve seen people use political righteousness or concern for political justice as a way to create cool clique’s to make themselves feel better and exclude others. I’ve seen personal issues or quit frankly “mean girl” behavior masked as social justice concerns.
I’ve been to workshops on social justice issues run by people who are “authorities” on the issue and felt they were as ignorant as I am very sure they have felt I am. I bristle when I hear a guy use the term “crazy bitch” but unfortunately there have been times when I have had the opportunity to meet the “crazy” bitches in question and let’s just say they have put my crazy to shame. One of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn about the subjectivity of Feminism is that “sometimes the bitch really IS crazy.”

I feel like this is important because there is a great deal of entitlement and privilege in much of this judgmental-ness. It is also extremely exclusionary to create communities where everyone uses the same words. We have to accept the subjective nature of these ideas. I HAVE to believe someone doesn’t need a college degree to be a decent person. I don’t ever want to feel like a character in an Arthur Miller play when I am working for social justice. I do however, wonder exactly when I became the clueless old, white, hippy dude who always stands up in political workshops saying things like, “We are ALL human, can’t we ALL just get along???! IM POST RACIAL, I DONT SEE SKIN COLOR” while everyone rolls their eyes at his cluelessness.

This idea was not in my periphery until recently I saw Melissa Harris Perry take Kamau Bell to task for supporting this idea and hearing from friends that “Yeah, you’re an idiot, this still very much is a thing.” When I saw Perry bring this up, I was so excited, because even though I disagree with her on a bunch of stuff, what she was saying is necessary and validating to hear.

As someone who is loathe to use the term “intersectionality” (do I really need a college degree to be a decent person?) I think this issue is one that white women and black women could really come together on, like kumbaya and shit. To me, it is a very clear place that racism and sexism intertwine. Much of this stereotype is about the idea of femininity, what is and is not “feminine.” Even though my height occasionally disables me and makes me obese at 160lbs(I’ve totally never been 160lbs ) I’m glad I am short because I know I can get away with being “cute” whereas if I were taller, some of my behavior would just be masculine and abrasive. This stereotype also addresses power dynamics in straight dating relationships as well as being wrapped up in self esteem, weight, an individuals own requirements for what they desire in a partner versus their own identity and the idea of being able to objectively quantify what creates attraction. All complicated and personal stuff. I’ve said this before but from where I am standing the darkest black woman who has a flat stomach, beats me any day. I understand this is just MY reality, but for me it is a reality. Its why I want to call bullshit when people argue the attraction game coming down to solely race, because at least there will be a pause before you tell me the mom in Gilbert Grape can get it over Serena Williams, or Retta, or Monique for that matter. Attraction cannot come down to a zero sum game. Being a (sometimes) chubby, (sometimes) fat woman has taught me this, seeing skinny hot bitches do terribly with dating has taught me this. This issue is a fucking minefield. I believe attraction cannot be objectively defined and measured. I, however, also know that when I came across an article stating that statistically most white women in their 40s will have been married at some point in their lives while the same is not true for black women, my reaction made it clear to me what “team” I am on. My reaction was not, “That’s so fucked up!”, it was “PHEW!” This is a very personal and deep issue. The idea of “I’m going to steal YOUR man” or “I am the reason YOU can’t get a man” is complicated. I may be the reason you can’t get a man, but I am also the reason I can’t get a man. So we have something in common. smiley, winky-face.

I think the most perceptive “commentary” I have seen on this idea is Patrice O’Neal’s take on it. In this bit he seems to be well aware that is it only and SOLEY on the “front end” that white women are easier.

All I know right now is that I have found new purpose in dyeing alone, as it is part of my commitment to the fight against racism and sexism. It is important for me to be perpetually undateble so as to actively dismantling the pervasive image of the unlovable, undateble black women by presenting an alternative undateable, unlovable white women. At which I excel