Me and Joe Productions http://www.meandjoe.com Oh how it burns! Tue, 15 Jul 2008 04:37:34 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7 en hourly 1 EJ and the COAF http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/MeAndJoe/~3/s2CY4dtMemo/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2008/07/14/ej-and-the-coaf/#comments Tue, 15 Jul 2008 04:37:34 +0000 DirtyPjs http://www.meandjoe.com/2008/07/14/ej-and-the-coaf/

Evil Johnny and the Crotch of All Flavors

 By Schnoggleburger (name changed to protect identity of true author)

One day, while contemplating the Global Economy, Johnny realized that the income gap made it so that he could no buy test books for his Slovakian friend, Crotchy.  This upset him greatly, and he consulted the Environmental Imperative to figure out what to do.  The Imperative told him that his “view” of the form was incorrect and Crotchy’s happiness was greater than Johnny’s ever would be.  As a Slovakian, Crotchy’s structural change of markets allowed him to purchase his own Crotch of All Flavors.  Johnny could not afford one, as they were far more expensive in the U.S.  The Imperative said this was due largely to Johnny’s homogeniality, and he should sue for Slovakian citizenship. 

                Now, a Crotch of All Flavors has two parts, its role, and its purpose.  There is an exchange between these parts that can cause burning of the eye in some cases.  But what really makes these Crotch’s unique is its patented “Flavor Dial”.  This dial allows the user to dial in any flavor on the crochness plane.  Possession of a Crotch of All Flavors with no dial is illegal by international law.  Johnny asked Crotchy to support his application for citizenship.  Crotchy gave him a form to fill out.  Johnny filled the form out, sent it in, and was denied.  The reason was because he had no skills or education valuable to the Slovakian people.  Crotchy, who was not a native Slovakian, had managed to get in, so Johnny asked him how.  It turns out, Crotchy was the original inventor of the “Flavor Dial”.  If Johnny could come up with an innovation of that magnitude, he’d be in.

                Having just found out that Crotchy was a scientist, Johnny broke into his lab.  He stole plans for a digital “Flavor Dial” that had six presets.  Johnny turned these plans in and became a Slovakian citizen.  Crotchy became very upset and was heartbroken.   He gave Johnny a nickname, “Evil Johnny”, and proceeded to write his own textbook so that Johnny did not have to buy him one.  And then he put a contract out on Johnny.

 

The End.

 

(Transcribed from original writings by DirtyPjs, with the assistance of his pants)

]]> http://www.meandjoe.com/2008/07/14/ej-and-the-coaf/feed/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2008/07/14/ej-and-the-coaf/ Llamas and Pants 1.0 http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/MeAndJoe/~3/GDUZMJSo0RY/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2008/06/25/llamas-and-pants-10/#comments Thu, 26 Jun 2008 03:15:32 +0000 Johnny http://www.meandjoe.com/2008/06/25/llamas-and-pants-10/ This flowchart attempts to explain the intricate and often unsubstantiated relationships between Pants and Llamas, as overseen by the all powerful Jesus himself.
Llamas and Pants 1.0

]]> http://www.meandjoe.com/2008/06/25/llamas-and-pants-10/feed/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2008/06/25/llamas-and-pants-10/ A Poem V2.3 http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/MeAndJoe/~3/cpvWe0cin8w/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2007/12/10/a-poem-v23/#comments Mon, 10 Dec 2007 22:50:35 +0000 DirtyPjs http://www.meandjoe.com/2007/12/10/a-poem-v23/ If  Jesus and Pants

Were like llamas and france

AND

Poop in my pants

Would give monkey a chance

THEN

The dog shall be free for all!

]]> http://www.meandjoe.com/2007/12/10/a-poem-v23/feed/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2007/12/10/a-poem-v23/ Schififty Five http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/MeAndJoe/~3/WDx0wsuVX_I/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2007/11/05/schififty-five/#comments Mon, 05 Nov 2007 20:55:22 +0000 Johnny http://www.meandjoe.com/2007/11/05/schififty-five/ type="application/x-shockwave-flash">

]]> http://www.meandjoe.com/2007/11/05/schififty-five/feed/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2007/11/05/schififty-five/ A Poem for the Yaks in Your Eye http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/MeAndJoe/~3/7i8bbS9uoSY/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2007/11/05/a-poem-for-the-yaks-in-your-eye/#comments Mon, 05 Nov 2007 15:14:36 +0000 Johnny http://www.meandjoe.com/2007/11/05/a-poem-for-the-yaks-in-your-eye/ Green llamas blue,
A rock in my shoe.
Tuesday will come, but not before noon,
The pants wait for it to come,
But they have to wait outside because there are too many.
If the llamas come soon,
And send the pants to the moon,
Then there will be no pants for Johnny,
He will have only the rock.

]]> http://www.meandjoe.com/2007/11/05/a-poem-for-the-yaks-in-your-eye/feed/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2007/11/05/a-poem-for-the-yaks-in-your-eye/ Randolph Dances! http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/MeAndJoe/~3/qgN_A5mCqoM/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2007/05/09/randolph-dances/#comments Wed, 09 May 2007 16:36:15 +0000 DirtyPjs http://www.meandjoe.com/2007/05/09/randolph-dances/ Randy Dance!!!!!!

]]> http://www.meandjoe.com/2007/05/09/randolph-dances/feed/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2007/05/09/randolph-dances/ DOG http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/MeAndJoe/~3/BOp85_46GmE/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/12/15/dog/#comments Fri, 15 Dec 2006 06:34:13 +0000 Johnny http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/12/15/dog/ dogbarf.gif

]]> http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/12/15/dog/feed/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/12/15/dog/ Randolph gets it on! http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/MeAndJoe/~3/iHtkAmEnUeE/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/11/17/randolph-gets-it-on/#comments Fri, 17 Nov 2006 22:29:34 +0000 Johnny http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/11/17/randolph-gets-it-on/ Randy Gets Lucky

There you have it! He’s the king of tailgating! Randolph is officially a pimp! Way to go Randolph!

*NOTE: No use of photo manipulation was needed at all to make Randolph look like he was having sex fully clothed with a girl that seems totally disinterested.  It really did happen.  Honest.

]]> http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/11/17/randolph-gets-it-on/feed/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/11/17/randolph-gets-it-on/ Urban Sprinting http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/MeAndJoe/~3/Ui5DB2GvfuI/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/11/13/urban-sprinting/#comments Mon, 13 Nov 2006 14:23:52 +0000 Johnny http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/11/13/urban-sprinting/ Man, this was funny! No idea if it was staged or not, but it was one of the funniest things I have seen in a while! Had to do me a google to find out what this “Balls of Steel” show was. Found this Wikipedia entry on it. Seems like it would be a show I wouldn’t mind checking out if it were ever shown here in the good old USA. I may just add Urban Sprinting to my weight loss plan…

Video Link

]]> http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/11/13/urban-sprinting/feed/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/11/13/urban-sprinting/ Neeble-Tirps v2.0 http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/MeAndJoe/~3/fUTGZ5bgqHk/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/31/neeble-tirps-v20/#comments Tue, 31 Oct 2006 19:23:32 +0000 Johnny http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/31/neeble-tirps-v20/ Neeble-Tirps, Neeble-Tirps, oh how they run and play,
But can they see me here, with no clothes on?

My pants are on fire,
It burns when I pee.
I’d fly to Mars now,
If not for the fee.

The Neeble-Tirps come to play at my feet,
But do they see me standing there, waiting for Johnny?

Tuesday will come,
Friday has past.
My llama has sex,
But just not with me.

Neeble-Tirps now go, as fast as can be,
They know not of Johnny, but do they know me?

Johnny is dead,
Buried under the tree,
No one will visit him,
But the Neeble-Tirps and me.

]]> http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/31/neeble-tirps-v20/feed/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/31/neeble-tirps-v20/ Battle Of The Classic Album Covers http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/MeAndJoe/~3/KkEbTW5cGi0/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/30/battle-of-the-classic-album-covers/#comments Mon, 30 Oct 2006 16:26:38 +0000 Johnny http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/31/battle-of-the-classic-album-covers/ Check out this very well done video of classic album covers! Its enough to make my eye burn! I give it 2.3 llamas out of a possible 2.3 llamas.

]]> http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/30/battle-of-the-classic-album-covers/feed/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/30/battle-of-the-classic-album-covers/ Paco the Pocket Llama - Chapter 2.3 http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/MeAndJoe/~3/Cj8HSGPF7zI/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/25/paco-the-pocket-llama-chapter-23/#comments Thu, 26 Oct 2006 04:10:25 +0000 Johnny http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/25/paco-the-pocket-llama-chapter-23/ Paco awoke the next day and had to poop. Upon visiting the toilet (which he had to share with all six of the acrobatic quintuplets) he discovered that it was halfway to diarrhea. Gross. But he was not deterred. He left a note for the elephant trainer telling her that he had secretly loved her, even if she did have the clap, and snuck out before anyone else was awake. He did not want to see them tortured or bribed or both by The Overly Large Retail Corporation & Spa®. He knew what he had to do. He had to keep traveling, not staying anywhere too long, and try to find a way to get The Overly Large Retail Corporation & Spa® to lose interest in him.

He went to the bus station where he spent the next 2.3 days panhandling, trying to get enough money to buy a ticket. When that didn’t seem to be getting him very far, he spent 2.3 days whoring himself out to other beggars. When he realized that none of them had money either and were promising future payment he would never receive, he finally spent an additional 2.3 days whoring himself out to passengers with first class tickets. But then he had enough money to get himself almost to Mars, had the train actually gone there.

He got a train to the next town. He figured that he’d stay there for a while, then double back, and keep The Overly Large Retail Corporation & Spa® off his trail for as long as possible. On the train is when the first dream happened. It almost seemed real at first. Johnny was there and was telling him that he knew about the plot against Paco, and had faked his death so that he could help him without The Overly Large Retail Corporation & Spa® knowing he was still alive. They had far more money and resources than Johnny and Paco, so Johnny had to be tricky. Johnny also confirmed the danger to Paco should he be subjected to the tests needed for his cloning. He then told Paco that he had a plan.

The dream had seemed real, almost too real. But when he awoke Paco knew that the dream could not be true. For one thing he had watched as they had cremated Johnny’s body, so there was no way he could have survived. But what really confirmed it as a dream was the fact that as he finished talking to Paco Johnny had begun to dance on a stripper pole, and had slowly morphed into the elephant trainer. Paco had known Johnny long enough to know that he did not have the power to morph into anyone, let alone Paco’s love interest. So Paco knew this was just a dream, but seeing two of the people he had cared for most in the world, and knew he would never see again made Paco sad and he proceeded to cry.

Then, on Tuesday, he arrived at his destination. It was not Mars, but it was a close second. He was in a small town called Mars. The residents had even built a mock up of a rocket ship as a tourist trap. The good news was that the rocket was rainproof, and Paco was able to get inside to use as his secret headquarters. Once in there he set down his meager possessions, pulled out a sheet of paper, and began this plans to get revenge on The Overly Large Retail Corporation & Spa®.

The Overly Large Retail Corporation & Spa® was mostly concerned with their retail business. Their Spa division accounted for only 2.3% of their revenue, and even less of their profits. Paco knew that he was the key to their holiday plans for the next half a decade. If they got their hands on him, not only would his own health be in danger, but it would make the Tickle Me Elmo craze look like a dog eating its own poop. As Paco saw it, he had three options:

  1. Keep running from The Overly Large Retail Corporation & Spa®, never safe, hoping they never catch up to him.
  2. Convince them that he had better ideas for them. Not only would he find them something else to be interested in, but they would see his mind as a valuable asset and would hire him. They would not want to risk his health because his mind would be more valuable than his DNA.
  3. Kill himself.

The first two options seemed to be too hard and would take too long to Paco, so he decided to kill himself. Besides, if there was an afterlife, he would then be with Johnny again. So he got a length of rope and hung himself.

Paco did not realize that as he weighed just 7 ounces (he slimmed down during all his hard work at the circus). He also didn’t realize that this was far too little weight to break his neck, or even to choke him. So after hanging there for about ten minutes, Paco got himself down. His throat hurt, so he decided to go on to plan B right away. He climbed the rocket and jumped off. He weighed so little that the air resistance kept him from reaching a fast enough speed to do himself harm and he landed with a thud, unhurt.

Plan C was to light himself on fire. Paco did not have matches, and it was late. He decided he was too tired to kill himself right now, so he decided to sleep. He would finish the job in the morning. But that night Paco had an experience that would make him think twice about killing himself, another dream with Johnny…

]]> http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/25/paco-the-pocket-llama-chapter-23/feed/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/25/paco-the-pocket-llama-chapter-23/ Archives http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/MeAndJoe/~3/7UQdhIeVheM/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/23/archives/#comments Mon, 23 Oct 2006 06:39:04 +0000 Johnny http://www.meandjoe.com/archives/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/23/archives/feed/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/23/archives/ The Pants Patrol http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/MeAndJoe/~3/02vr2KkS3Ds/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/20/the-pants-patrol/#comments Fri, 20 Oct 2006 22:23:53 +0000 Johnny http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/20/the-pants-patrol/ Well, the exhaustive restoration project is now complete. The Pants Patrol was Me and Joe Productions first project, and was thought to be gone forever. A VCR ate the only known copy, and then for years that damaged copy was lost. But it was recently found in the vaults of Me and Joe Productions, and has now been brought to light in its new digital form.

The video is not of great quality, and not all damage done by the rouge VCR was completely restored. But here it is for your enjoyment. At some point in the semi-near future, work will commence on a Special Edition of the Pants Patrol, further restoring the original and taking advantage of new special effects. You may also want to check out the Pants Patrol’s official website, at www.pantspatrol.com.

]]> http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/20/the-pants-patrol/feed/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/20/the-pants-patrol/ Kim Jong-il http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/MeAndJoe/~3/q-0t6xJTnE8/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/20/kim-jong-il-update/#comments Fri, 20 Oct 2006 13:55:21 +0000 Johnny http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/20/kim-jong-il-update/ And now for some current events! It kinda sucks how all your friends ditch you for setting off nuclear weapons.

]]> http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/20/kim-jong-il-update/feed/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/20/kim-jong-il-update/ A Poem http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/MeAndJoe/~3/XsK07jSs7Ts/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/17/a-poem/#comments Tue, 17 Oct 2006 19:21:45 +0000 DirtyPjs http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/17/a-poem/ If Llamas and Pants

Were like Jesus In France

Then Tuesday would be making me poop.

-DirtyPjs

]]> http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/17/a-poem/feed/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/17/a-poem/ Christian Chat - Amazing anal sex advice! http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/MeAndJoe/~3/UrzB-TOoRJg/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/12/christian-chat-amazing-anal-sex-advice/#comments Thu, 12 Oct 2006 20:49:25 +0000 Little J Dizzle http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/12/christian-chat-amazing-anal-sex-advice/ This is Little J. Dizzle with the first installment of “Christian Chat.” During an escapade on the web, I found myself on a Christian chat site, www.churchusatoday.com. I began a private chat with “Sweetness81,” who offered to help me with some of my impure thoughts. It turns out that I may not have been the only one with impure thoughts! By the end of the chat she sure didn’t seem very Jesus like! It didn’t take much prompting to get her to offer sex advice to “a 17 year old boy.” Here are the interesting parts of the conversation. Enjoy!

littlejdizzle Says : Hi. You seem like you are serous about your faith. can i ask you a question?

Sweetness81 Says : absolutely

littlejdizzle Says : i have some impure thoughts about some co-workers, and don’t know how to fix it

Sweetness81 Says : ok

littlejdizzle Says : i have been praying for help, but none has come yet

Sweetness81 Says : what is the problem

littlejdizzle Says : i just want to act in god’s image, and live the life of a good christian, but am so surrounded by bad things in my life

Sweetness81 Says : well that is gonna depend on what the bad things are.

littlejdizzle Says : well, some of my friends do drugs and have sex. they really are good people, and don’t pressure me. I don’t know how to help them and help me?

Sweetness81 Says : do you feel convicted about talking to them about it?

littlejdizzle Says : yes, i sure do. but what do i say?

Sweetness81 Says : Sometimes conviction can mean two things

littlejdizzle Says : like what?

Sweetness81 Says : either God wants you to wait for his timing on the whole talking to them

Sweetness81 Says : or sometimes God just wants you to leave them to Him

…

Sweetness81 Says : I am married . Let me share a little secret with u.

littlejdizzle Says : ok

Sweetness81 Says : the thoughts in which you have now are probably the same thoughts that you will have about your spouse

Sweetness81 Says : and those thoughts are biblical

littlejdizzle Says : really?

Sweetness81 Says : otherwise hard to explain?

Sweetness81 Says : it is biblical to think that way about your spouse

littlejdizzle Says : what about the thoughts about doing things to girls that I can’t talk about

Sweetness81 Says : just not someone else’s spouse

…

Sweetness81 Says : Some feelings are normal

Sweetness81 Says : just becareful how far you take it

littlejdizzle Says : i didn’t mean to do what i did, and i think jesus was watching

Sweetness81 Says : may I ask how old you are?

littlejdizzle Says : sure, i’m 17

Sweetness81 Says : you probably have alot of things racing through your mind

littlejdizzle Says : i sure do

Sweetness81 Says : whether its going ahead with something or witholding something.

Sweetness81 Says : pray and let God be your guide.

…

Sweetness81 Says : Never be ashamed to talk about this stuff

Sweetness81 Says : its vital that you do

littlejdizzle Says : can i ask you a question then?

Sweetness81 Says : sure why not?

Sweetness81 Says : go ahead

littlejdizzle Says : is it ok to have sex with a girl before you are married? i don’t mean the normal kind, but another kind

Sweetness81 Says : well not really, speaking from a christian point of view.

Sweetness81 Says : but God will forgive you. you have to open your heart though

littlejdizzle Says : will god forgive the girl for what she has done?

Sweetness81 Says : You are a guy, and a young adult

Sweetness81 Says : and she is young adult

Sweetness81 Says : you guys have plenty of time to learn from your mistakes

Sweetness81 Says : just as long as history doesn’t repeat itself

littlejdizzle Says : that’s why i didn’t want to do it the normal way, i was afraid of her getting pregnant

…

littlejdizzle Says : do you know what the prayer would be for anal sex?

Sweetness81 Says : I am sorry but I kinda laughed a little on that one

Sweetness81 Says : just pray .

littlejdizzle Says : that’s ok

Sweetness81 Says : Only God can really tell you what you should be convicted about

Sweetness81 Says : or not convicted about

Sweetness81 Says : I am a servant of the Lord. Not the Lord himself.

littlejdizzle Says : ok. i think she will pray too. I’m worried about her though, she is having problems with her down there area

Sweetness81 Says : With every mistake comes a lesson. and a test.

Sweetness81 Says : its a question of believing .if you feel you are going to pass or not.

littlejdizzle Says : can i ask another question?

Sweetness81 Says : it all about trust and faith.

Sweetness81 Says : yes

Sweetness81 Says : I seem to have answers for ya so ask away.

littlejdizzle Says : do you think jesus is ok with anal sex? if people are married?

Sweetness81 Says : yes

Sweetness81 Says : If you must now the marrital secret

Sweetness81 Says : yes he is even okay with marital aids

Sweetness81 Says : ”

Sweetness81 Says : just don’t go braging aboutit

Sweetness81 Says : I just learned that one myself about 5 yrs ago

littlejdizzle Says : what are marital aids?

Sweetness81 Says : if you don’t know now, you will soon find out.

…

littlejdizzle Says : do you have any tips for me and her about anal sex? it seems like it hurts her.

Sweetness81 Says : well does she tell you anything while its happening

littlejdizzle Says : she says she likes it, but that it burns

Sweetness81 Says : does she ask you to go slower be more gentle anythinglike that

Sweetness81 Says : that could determine how much she hates it or enjoys it

littlejdizzle Says : no, she tells me to do it harder

Sweetness81 Says : well then you seem to be doing okay.

littlejdizzle Says : she also say “give it to me” and “oh jesus”

Sweetness81 Says : if it hurts her to much

Sweetness81 Says : you can actually do it normally without getting her preg.

Sweetness81 Says : it will be up to you though to follow through

littlejdizzle Says : i think i understand

Sweetness81 Says : you do?

littlejdizzle Says : yes. i can do it in her private area, but then have to finish on her face or something.

Sweetness81 Says : is she on b-pills or anything

Sweetness81 Says : yeah that is pretty much that

littlejdizzle Says : are you married?

Sweetness81 Says : yes

littlejdizzle Says : does your husband ever finish in your face?

littlejdizzle Says : do you like it?

Sweetness81 Says : no

Sweetness81 Says : and no I don’t care

Sweetness81 Says : I can’t really talk about that part of mylife

littlejdizzle Says : that’s ok

Sweetness81 Says : because there really isn’t much there

littlejdizzle Says : do you wish there was more there?

Sweetness81 Says : has she ever admitted to you about having an orgasm?

Sweetness81 Says : that will determine if what you are doing is successful or not

littlejdizzle Says : she says she has had them, but i’m not sure if she is faking. sometimes some liquid comes out of her private are a when she screams

Sweetness81 Says : that could be lubricant or as men have it cum.

Sweetness81 Says : you will be fine.

Sweetness81 Says : that kinda stuff can only be learned in time

littlejdizzle Says : sometimes when i am trying to finish, i have to wait for her to get quiet because she takes the lord’s name in vain so much

Sweetness81 Says : well it will give you good control over yourself

littlejdizzle Says : you are right

Sweetness81 Says : being that your so young and all

Sweetness81 Says : exercise patience and the I promise the reward is greater than ever for her and you

littlejdizzle Says : sometimes i feel bad doing it on her face, because it gets in her eyes. but i guess that’s what she wants.

Sweetness81 Says : if it doesn’t bother her than don’t worry about it

Sweetness81 Says : during that moment she probably doesn’t care

littlejdizzle Says : you are right

Sweetness81 Says : are you both the same age?

Sweetness81 Says : just out of curiosity

littlejdizzle Says : yea, we are. how come?

Sweetness81 Says : development stages will be around the same time

Sweetness81 Says : you will be able to understand things together.

Sweetness81 Says : makes the relationship deeper

littlejdizzle Says : are you in the U.S.?

Sweetness81 Says : yes

littlejdizzle Says : cool, just wondering

Sweetness81 Says : u?

littlejdizzle Says : yea. My girl just got here, she is reading this now

Sweetness81 Says : nice

Sweetness81 Says : hope she is happy

littlejdizzle Says : she say she won’t be until i start touching her

Sweetness81 Says : okay have fun with that

Sweetness81 Says : nice to meet “the girl”

Sweetness81 Says : have a good night

littlejdizzle Says : I will. she even shaved her butthole.

littlejdizzle Says : This ridiculous conversation about Jesus and how butthole sex makes the baby form of him cry is brought to you by www.meandjoe.com.

Sweetness81 Says : go learn!

Sweetness81 Says : that

littlejdizzle Says : thanks for giving me something fun to post on the web!

Sweetness81 Says : is great have a good night

Sweetness81 Says : your welcome

littlejdizzle Says : also, you are pretty damn nasty talking to a 17 year old boy like you did

littlejdizzle Says : don’t think jesus would like that very much

Sweetness81 Says : that is great

Sweetness81 Says : well your pretty nasty with details

littlejdizzle Says : Jesus say “You so nasty”

Sweetness81 Says : well that is life

Sweetness81 Says : I don’t worry that puts god on the sidelines

littlejdizzle Says : what the hell does that crazy jesus talk mean? Everything you have said is all b.s. about jesus this and jesus that. How about “don’t talk to 17 y/o about anal sex and how to do it”

Sweetness81 Says : ur the one with insecurities

littlejdizzle Says : tell your husband to check out www.meandjoe.com to learn about your tips for anal sex

Sweetness81 Says : don’t let boys boss me around

littlejdizzle Says : what?

littlejdizzle Says : I just did

littlejdizzle Says : nice try,

littlejdizzle Says : This ridiculous conversation about Jesus and how butthole sex makes the baby form of him cry is brought to you by www.meandjoe.com. Please enjoy the transcript of this conversation as it shall be posted for the world to see at www.meandjoe.com.

]]> http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/12/christian-chat-amazing-anal-sex-advice/feed/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/12/christian-chat-amazing-anal-sex-advice/ Dual Action Cleanse http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/MeAndJoe/~3/1NwlIP1pAek/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/09/dual-action-cleanse/#comments Mon, 09 Oct 2006 15:48:17 +0000 DirtyPjs http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/09/dual-action-cleanse/ Wow. My new favorite infomercial is the “Dual Action Cleanse” staring Captain Pony Tail. They talk about pooping for an entire hour with a straight face. I love when he says “compacted fecal matter”. That’s funny. So is this:

“Slow infrequent bowel movements may cause fatigue, bloating and overall sluggish feeling. Colon Clear contains a proprietary blend of 22 fibers and herbs to enhance peristaltic action and support your digestive function (promoting 2-3 bowel movements per day). This natural action tones and cleanses the colon while eliminating unnecessary toxic build-up. Colon Clear delivers such ingredients as Psyllium, Alfalfa, Pau D’Arco, Oat Bran, and Lactobacillus Acidophilus in a proprietary blend to enhance elimination of built up toxins and waste matter.”
What the hell is “Scullcap Herb (helps to calm the nerves) and Slippery Elm Bark (soothes the digestive tract)”. My ass.

Sounds like you take this unknown mess of pills, crap yourself for 30 days, then feel great!

The testimonials say: “Until I took the dual action cleanse, I had no idea how bad off I really was.” You were probably better off before you started crapping yourself 2-3 times per day.

My favorite FAQ is:
“Q: I’m taking the recommended dosage of Dual Action Cleanse and I’m still not achieving 2-3 bowel movements per day. What should I do?”
My A: You should thank the lord that you are not in the bathroom at work 20 times per day “detoxifying” your butt hole.

Here is my chat with the “Live Help”:

Sarah: Hi, I’m Sarah. Thank you for contacting Dual Action Cleanse Live Help. How can I help you today?
Customer: Hi, I’m wondering it the DAC will work for me?
Sarah: How can I help you?
Customer: Well, I have a lot of digestive discomfort, and think it might be because of the toxins
Sarah: I understand.
Sarah: You may notice enhanced digestion once you start the cleanse. —(did she call it “the cleanse”?)
Customer: Ok, my main problem is I have a lot of gas (especially at work) and when it’s finally time for me to have a BM (only 1-2 times a week) the BM is pretty dry and hurts coming out
Sarah: You should start becoming more frequent within the first 10 days. Within a month, you should start to notice higher energy levels and clearer thinking.
Customer: My hole lower area is, for lack of a better phrase, all torn up, do you think this will help me get back on track and heal it? –(ha! i wrote “hole”)
Sarah: I do think this is a start.
Sarah: If you have any serious issues or concerns you should consult your physician.
Customer: Oh, no problem, I did. The Doctor said a bunch of things I didn’t understand. But i sure do understand the man on the TV and it makes sense to me. All I eat is fast food, and my body must be telling me that it needs to void it
Sarah: I agree.
Customer: Have you used the dac?
Sarah: No, I have not tried this product yet, but I hope to very soon!
Customer: Well, maybe we could try it at the same time and compare results. I think if you would support me through this I might be ready to try it
Sarah: That’s fine.
Customer: We could keep a log of of our BM’s and talk about how our bodys are feeling by e-mail or something
Sarah: I’m not going to be getting my DAC for a while.
Customer: how come?
Sarah: I’m going to wait until I can get it for free.
Customer: Oh, that makes sense. How long until then?
Sarah: I’m not sure.
Customer: Oh. But aren’t the toxins building up in your bowel as we speak?
Customer: Do you think i can wait too?
Sarah: I don’t think you should wait because we’re not experiencing the same issues.
Customer: Oh god. I’m getting the pain in my abdomen and hamstrings. I think I might have to do a BM soon. But it hurts so much. I guess I better get the DAC soon. How long does it take if I order it today?
Sarah: Shipping takes 2-3 weeks.
Customer: No! In two weeks? I think I better get it soon. Can I rush it?
Sarah: Yes. We have rush shipping available.
Sarah: It takes 3-5 business days.
Customer: Thank the Jesus. Because I don’t think my BH can take much more of this. It sure has been nice to talk to you, and I think that the only way my BM’s will be better is because of you.
Sarah: Okay, you are all set. Thanks for visiting DualActionCleanse.com.
Customer: Thanks for caring about my butthole
Sarah: No problem, have a great day.
I love typing “BM” to some unknown person over the internet. Go to http://www.dualactioncleanse.com and check out Pony Tail Guy. It’s hilarious.

]]> http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/09/dual-action-cleanse/feed/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/09/dual-action-cleanse/ Paco the Pocket Llama - Chapter Two http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/MeAndJoe/~3/-cPADrdwVFo/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/08/paco-the-pocket-llama-chapter-two/#comments Mon, 09 Oct 2006 05:16:43 +0000 Johnny http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/08/paco-the-pocket-llama-chapter-two/ By the next Tuesday, Paco was feeling the burn. The burn of 200 suns, located in his right eye. He suspected that it was contaminated with elephant feces from when he had talked to the elephant trainer. He was still too scared to talk to her. He wasn’t even sure what her name was, and he was far too scared to even admit to his friend the bearded lady that he liked the elephant trainer. Then he went to A&W restaurant, where he received massive amounts of literature on Jews for Jesus. He was unsure how this fit into the rest of his day, or why it was worth remembering, but he didn’t care.

Meanwhile, the Overly Large Retail Corporation & Spa®, had learned of Johnny’s death, and began to seek information on Paco. They weren’t sure that Paco had lived, as the accident report was not very through and Paco was not even mentioned in it. But they needed his DNA, and would do anything to get it.

“Do we even know if Paco was at the scene of the accident at all?” asked one corporate yes man.

“We believe that he was, he witnessed the whole thing,” replied the other.

“Then he may have wandered off in a confused state.”

“We believe he may always be in a confused state.”

“Damn it! Then he could be anywhere!”

“Except Mars.”

“What?”

“We have conducted an extensive search on the surface of Mars, and he was no where to be found. There is a chance he is below the surface, but llamas are not known to burrow often, so that is less than a 2.3% chance.”

“Wait, you felt the first place to search was all the way on Mars? Not a high percent gamble there.”

“My psychic told me to do it.”

“You asshole, you’re fired! Get the hell out of here!”

His replacement was much more competent. He discovered in a rather short time that Paco had filled out a form on line looking for an auto loan. He reported it to his boss, and quickly found out that Paco was not looking for his own auto insurance, but for his boss. They now knew that Paco worked at the circus, but it had already left town. So they needed to contact their company representatives in the town where the circus was headed to prepare to go talk to them. The new company representatives conducted their own search of Mars, and then contacted Paco’s boss at the circus. They wanted his help to butter up Paco to get his permission to get a sample of his sperm or at least his DNA.

Paco’s boss was in a very good mood. His car insurance quote was better than he had ever expected, and he credited Paco with doing such a wonderful job. He had luckily also heard of The Overly Large Retail Corporation & Spa®, and was aware of their questionable ethical practices. And because Paco had been so helpful, he decided to help Paco out. He told The Overly Large Retail Corporation & Spa® representatives they could come to his office for a meeting. He then told Paco about the meeting, and hid him in a cabinet so that he could hear the whole conversation.

“Hello, thanks for taking this meeting with us,” the representative said.

“Well, it is my pleasure, I want to see you and Paco come to an agreement, as well as make a healthy finders fee for myself,”replied the circus freak.

“Well yes, it would be a big help if you could help us talk to him. You see, with his DNA we could work on making clones of him, but the clones would not be as healthy as regular pocket llamas would be, and would require most massive amounts of research. So ideally we want to get him to give us some of his sperm.”

“I see, and you think that that would be hard?”

“Well there are risks involved, so the matter needs to be handled very delicately.”

“You mean he could die?”

“It is very possible, and we couldn’t find a doctor that would work with us without at least mentioning the risks. So can we count on you?”

“Of course, I’ll bring him by tomorrow.”/p>

“Thanks circus man!”

Paco, of course, now knew that The Overly Large Retail Corporation & Spa® was his enemy, and he must leave the circus forever. He thanked his boss for all his help, (“No problem, you got me a great deal on auto insurance!”) and prepared for his next great adventure. Paco knew that he had to be careful from now on, and had to learn more about The Overly Large Retail Corporation & Spa® as well as his own, as well as Johnny’s, backgrounds. But as he left he couldn’t help but wonder what it would have been like to have sex with the elephant trainer and if he would ever see her again. As he packed his bag, the burn in his eye intensified.

]]> http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/08/paco-the-pocket-llama-chapter-two/feed/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/08/paco-the-pocket-llama-chapter-two/ Paco the Pocket Llama - Chapter One http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/MeAndJoe/~3/LXlWB9b9iIM/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/05/paco-the-pocket-llama-chapter-one/#comments Thu, 05 Oct 2006 09:25:26 +0000 Johnny http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/05/paco-the-pocket-llama-chapter-one/ Paco was cold, hungry, and missed Johnny terribly. He has spent the days immediately following the accident wandering, exploring the bounds of his new freedom. But now he was lost, and unsure of what to do next.

He could sell his body for cash, or maybe wash windshields at busy intersections. He would be set for life if only he chose to sell his genetic information to Overly Large Retail Corporation and Spa®. But while Johnny had loved Paco fiercely, he had neglected Paco’s education, and as such Paco could not read a word. Johnny had also told Paco there were health concerns that needed to be addressed, but had not yet told Paco what these were. In fact, Paco was not exactly sure what Overly Large Retail Corporation and Spa® wanted with him, just that it paid well.

“Damn that Johnny!” thought Paco. This was the first time Paco had ever thought ill of his deceased master, but it would not be the last.

Paco settled in for the night underneath a dumpster and vowed to improve his situation the next morning. By morning Paco had formulated a plan. Few people would pay to be serviced by a llama that was so poorly endowed, and he had always been frightened of being run over in the crosswalk, so he had resolved to Join the circus. He could be a freak in the side show until he learned balance and other skills necessary for a circus performer.

Luckily the circus would be in town the next week. He would have to find shelter until then. He panhandled for a couple of hours, but found that the businessmen passing on the street were so much bigger than him they did not even notice him. And even those that did notice him were not much moved by his plight. Paco did finally find a nice lady that gave him $5 because she felt bad that her poodle had chased Paco and tried to lick his testicles.

Armed with this, and a quarter he found a block later, he went to his local all-you can-eat-24-hour Asian buffet. He was able to convince the guy there he was a child, so his money was enough. He then spent the next week there, never leaving. He ate when he wanted, slept in his booth, and even bathed in the sink in the bathroom. He owners of the restaurant were upset at first, but then realized that at eight ounces Paco did not eat much, and they still made money after a full week. Plus their daughter liked Paco, and he was able to help her with her math homework (she had to read it out loud to him, as he could not read himself). In fact, at the end of the week, they even gave him a lift to the circus.

The circus was not what Paco had expected. It smelled like on open sewer, a sewer that was backed up, and heated to a nice 123 degree steaming goodness. It was horrible, but Paco could not even afford to buy a nose plug. (In fact he had not yet even paid his student loans. He had thrown away every letter that offered to consolidate student loans. He now regretted that. Also, before you ask, Paco had gone to school for a bit, but it was a bad school, and he soon dropped out.)

Unfortunately Paco was not qualified as a performer, which he expected. But they were not willing to take him on as an apprentice. In the end he had to agree to appear in the freak show to cover his room and board. But he was also promised to study how to run the business and get a bit of acrobatic practice with the Pantrific Quintuplits®. Things looked to be turning in Paco’s favor. But the boss was upset when he learned that Paco could not read, and almost kicked him out. He had expected Paco to make sure that the auto insurance was paid, set up conference calls, and things like that. Paco was not able to preform many of these duties. Only two things stopped the boss from throwing Paco out, Paco’s streaming tantrum, and the bearded lady promising to work with Paco on his reading. So now Paco seemed to be set up in the circus, which was great. He spent the first few weeks getting familiar with the place and the people. He really enjoyed traveling and seeing the country.

Paco was doing well with his studies as well. He was learning how to preform spectacular tricks, and while it was slow going, he was starting to learn to read a bit. Then it happened, Paco got a crush. Luckily not on the bearded lady, not only because she was not attractive at all, but he was unable to speak at all to this woman. She was an elephant trainer, and Paco generally stayed away from them. He was afraid of getting stepped on. She came up and started talking to Paco one day, and he realized he was unable to answer.

“Say, you’re Paco aren’t you? The new guy?”

“…”

“Hello? Are you Paco?”

“…”

“Ummm, hi. Why aren’t you answering me?”

“…” At this point Paco opened his mouth, but only a squeak came out.

“Look, I know you can talk, the bearded lady tells me you tell great stories. She tells me some of them sometimes, but says you tell them better. I wanted to ask you about the time that you pants went off to war.”

“…”

“Is this a bad time? Just let me know, and I’ll come back some other time.”

“…”

“You know, you’re kind of an ass.”

“…”

“…” (This was the elephant trainer, she just stared at Paco for a minute)

“…”

“What the hell is the matter with you, did you get hit by a two ton Mack truck?!?!”

Thoughts of Johnny flooded in and Paco let out an agonized wail. He broke down and started to cry. The elephant trainer looked at him, slowly backed away and left. Of course the did not understand that Paco was thinking of Johnny. Johnny, who for all his faults, had loved Paco and cared for him. Johnny, who had promised Paco that their troubles were over, only to be hit himself by a two ton Mack truck. At the same time, Paco thought he was in love. In love, and still not even sure of her name. Worse, she thought he was a freak. And not in a good circus, only weighing eight ounces way. He doubted she’d ever talk to him again, and he began to cry harder.

To Be Continued . . .

]]> http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/05/paco-the-pocket-llama-chapter-one/feed/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/05/paco-the-pocket-llama-chapter-one/ Paco the Pocket Llama - Prologue http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/MeAndJoe/~3/k6_RCG_RESo/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/04/paco-the-pocket-llama-prologue/#comments Wed, 04 Oct 2006 21:24:59 +0000 Johnny http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/04/paco-the-pocket-llama-prologue/ Me and Joe is proud to bring you an introduction to an all new adventure series titled ” Paco the Pocket Llama®.” This series will follow a very small llama as he travels the world, searching for the meaning of life, discovering the secrets behind the death of Johnny, and trying to protect his genetic identity from The Overly Large Retail Corporation and Spa®. New installments will follow, but never on Tuesdays.

P.S. This is my story, don’t steal it.

Paco the Pocket Llama®

Prologue

There one was a man named Johnny, and he had an extraordinarily small llama. He had named it Paco, after his nephew Ralph. Paco weighed just under eight ounces, and fit comfortably in most pockets. This lead to Johnny referring to him as Paco the Pocket Llama®.

One day shortly after breakfast, there came a knock at the door. A man in a nice suit greeted Johnny, “Hello, I am a representative of The Overly Large Retail Corporation and Spa®. I would love to share with you our ideas about marketing Pocket Llamas® as this year’s hottest holiday gift.”

“But Paco is far too small to have intercourse with a normal sized llama,” Johnny replied.

“We have a plan to get around such technical concerns,” the man said. “We would be prepared to offer you the sum of $2.3 million as a stud fee if you allow us access to Paco.”

“As long as I have your guarantee that no harm will come to him.”

“Agreed, we will be by next Tuesday afternoon for the acquisition of the genetic material. We will have your check then. Make sure that Paco does not have sex at all between now and then,” and with that the man left.
That afternoon Johnny took Paco to the vet to make sure that Paco was in good health and able to reproduce. Unfortunately, this was the point where Johnny’s dream of owning his very own teashop began to crumble.

“Even if they plan to use artificial insemination, there is a huge danger to Paco. That’s probably why they have offered such a large amount of money,” the vet informed Johnny. “excessive sexual stimulation could prove far too much stress for Paco’s tiny, weak heart. If he reaches orgasm he is likely to pop an artery; that is if he heart manages to last long enough.”

“Oh my, that’s probably why you don’t see too many Pocket Llamas® around!” exclaimed Johnny.

“Correct. You must make sure they plan to extract his seed in a safe fashion, or perhaps clone him from his DNA.”

“There can only be one Paco! He will never be cloned!” Cried Johnny.

“Then they may need to extract his sperm with a needle. I suggest you have them use a local anesthetic. Also, make sure theysterilize all Pocket Llamas® before sale, we don’t want them all humping themselves to death.”

“I’m sure they would do that anyways. They wouldn’t want others trying to bred their own Pocket Llamas®.”

“Good point, Johnny. Just let me know if you need anything else.”

Johnny left the vet very concerned. He hoped that the Overly Large Retail Corporation and Spa® would agree to these new conditions without lowering hes fee. He had to contact them immediately.

However, on the way home a two ton Mack truck (© Peep c. 1995) ran a light, hitting Johny’s car and killing him instantly. Funeral services will be held Tuesday at 2:00. Paco was thrown clear of thewreckage, awoke several hours later, and struck out on his own. These are his adventures…

To be continued…

]]> http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/04/paco-the-pocket-llama-prologue/feed/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/04/paco-the-pocket-llama-prologue/ Randolph has Arrived! http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/MeAndJoe/~3/UDKDfL7TVqk/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/03/randolph-has-arrived/#comments Tue, 03 Oct 2006 17:11:41 +0000 DirtyPjs http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/03/randolph-has-arrived/ Dear all,

Prepare for the journey of a lifetime. The great and powerful Randolph had begun his attempt to take over the world, one full figured woman at a time. Each woman will be treated with respect, and subjected to Randolph’s “Love maneuver”. Randolph requests that each hour you bathe him in Natural Light beer, and smack him hard across the face. For your service, Randolph will present you with an autographed picture of his private area, and a copy of his books: “Ain’t no Jesus in this BH” and “IBS and you: Damn it burns!”. Get ready ladies, it’s go time!

pizknot.jpg

]]> http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/03/randolph-has-arrived/feed/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/03/randolph-has-arrived/ The Anus Fish http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/MeAndJoe/~3/h94bLLrD6WA/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/01/the-anus-fish/#comments Mon, 02 Oct 2006 05:53:12 +0000 DirtyPjs http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/01/the-anus-fish/ An open letter to captain pants man:

 F you.

 Love,

Private Crotchalot

]]> http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/01/the-anus-fish/feed/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/01/the-anus-fish/ Cockblocked by a One Armed Man http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/MeAndJoe/~3/U7vnAFZMpkM/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/01/cockblocked-by-a-one-armed-man/#comments Mon, 02 Oct 2006 03:10:10 +0000 Johnny http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/01/cockblocked-by-a-one-armed-man/ So last night I was at a sports bar, and saw this chick playing pool right by out table with a couple of friends. She was obviously not with the guy, and I was definitely getting a vibe. She was glancing my way and putting on a bit of a show. I didn’t approach right away, but just as I finally work up the nerve and am about to go over and talk to her, this dumbass goes over and starts chatting her up. No way I’m going to have the confidence to approach her while that guy is around. He’s wearing a trucker hat and is obviously a total fucker. But what really got me is that when he started to play pool with them, I noticed he had only one arm! Not to make fun of the handicapped, but this was all starting to turn a little bit weird.

The dumbass his totally hitting on her, and she is obviously not interested. She’s being nice though and he doesn’t take the hint. He is a total hick, skinny, and is getting no where. All he can accomplish is to keep her from anyone else. (Which sucks for her too, because my friend overheard her tell her girlfriend that she was really horny.) This guy is hanging around until her group leaves, totally taking any chance for me to try to salvage anything. She walks out the door, making a point not to look in my direction, like it was my fault some guy got in the way! So now she’s gone, and I have nothing to show for it except for a mildly humorous story about being screwed over by the one armed man.

]]> http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/01/cockblocked-by-a-one-armed-man/feed/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/10/01/cockblocked-by-a-one-armed-man/ About http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/MeAndJoe/~3/pLnHd8G46ks/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/09/30/about/#comments Sat, 30 Sep 2006 17:54:24 +0000 Johnny http://www.meandjoe.com/about/ Welcome to Me & Joe Productions! Its been a long time coming but we are finally up and running! Look around and have fun, just keep your pants on, otherwise they may be forfeit. A longer page, possibly with pictures, but not of buttholes, will be coming along at some point.

Johnny de la Pants

]]> http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/09/30/about/feed/ http://www.meandjoe.com/2006/09/30/about/